Reading Reviews From Member: hokiechick
78 Reviews Found

Review #1, by hokiechickTragedy of an Alchemist: Part Four

7th July 2016:
I'm so glad I found this story! It's original and very well written. The way you told this story through memories is clever and very effective. Thank you!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! I wrote this so long ago and now, when I go back and re-read parts years later, I find so many things I would change. But story-wise, this short story is a favourite of mine. Thanks for the review!

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Review #2, by hokiechickStand Tall: Blithe Smile, Lithe Limb

20th March 2015:
Aaaaugh! What do you mean didn't put her name in, James???

I see what you did there, by the way. You let me go on and on hating James and badmouthing him in my comments and you were sitting on this bombshell the whole time! Now my top suspect is Chandra because James was making her enter with him and she would of course underestimate Alba and didn't want to enter herself. And James put a blank bit of parchment in.

You sneaky author, you! Well done with the chapter, can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: Bahaha! I think this is my favorite review so far!

And yes, it was rather amusing reading all the comments about James. +)

There will certainly be more to come, and I can't wait to hear what you think about it.

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Review #3, by hokiechickPast Tense: second.

23rd January 2015:
What a great story! I'm really excited about this plot and your characters! I can't wait for more! Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: You're very welcome and I'm glad you're enjoying it!

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Review #4, by hokiechickHarry Potter and the Final Year: Chapter 4: Lightsthefire

22nd January 2015:
Wow. What a great story. I can't wait for more!

I really enjoy this culture you've made for the goblins. Their names sound Native American. Is there a reason why all the female goblins have names that are three word descriptions of their actions, but the male goblins are named in a different manner?

Why didn't they fall back to speaking Gobbledegook in the presence of a human that they didn't trust yet? Like I would have assumed that they would greet Truearm in the market and kitchens in Gobbledegook.

Sorry I have lots of questions, but that's just because I enjoyed it so much so I want to know more! Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Why thank you very much for the lovely review.

I tried to make the culture of the goblins both slightly progressive and slightly old-fashioned. Obviously Gringotts is a major employer of goblins, and I reasoned that the goblins might have a few major trades - like mining, tunneling/tunnel maintenance, banking, etc. If so they would probably have a few big communal kitchens and these might be the largest employers of the (conspicuously absent from the books) female goblins. Gringotts itself was very male and so I reasoned that, like the wizarding world, the goblin one might be old fashioned. In a different way mind you: wizards are old fashioned in the respect that their society is dominated by the belief that nobility (pure-bloods) are better than commoners (muggle-borns); whereas the goblin's society is obviously old fashioned along more sexist lines. Not only do we only see male goblins in the books, female goblins are never even named. So that's the society I wanted to have - a little bit 18th century, mixed with wizard and finally muggle as well (hence the electric lighting).

As to the female goblin names, I am following an old sci-fi trope of if an alien race has all the males named a particular way, then the females will be all named a different way, but consistent within that way. Vulcans, off the top of my head, amongst others. All the male goblins in the JKR books had two word names - Griphook, Ragnuk, Gornuk, Bogrod. There were two exceptions of Ug and Urg; I chose to ignore them, but they could have been nicknames or contractions of their real names. So if all the male names were two word names then it was a simple jump of imagination to have the women have three word names. And I think some of them are great sounding names, like Indigonightsdawn or Singssosweetly or Dawnsfirstbloom (who features in my Next Gen story).

Also it continues on the tradition - of which JKR was fully aware of and a participant in - of having some names reflect the nature of their owners. Stampofiron is a hard sounding name and when we get to meet her we have an instant understanding of her character, which, by her actions and her language, she immediately reinforces. We don't truly meet Indigonightsdawn, but she is an older female with a pretty name who offers some pertinent advice when needed - I think we all have a good mental picture of her and the name gives the mental image shape. Having the first goblin witch called Lightsthefire was too good to resist.

I was originally going to say that the real reason that they were all talking English is because it had actually not occurred to me to have them revert to Gobbledygook, but that's not true because I suddenly remembered a conversation that starts off in Gobbledygook in the start of the next chapter.

All goblins, from living so long in wizarding Britain are strongly bilingual. Any goblins they met will have taken their cues from the Smith, Truearm. If he started off any conversations in English then the other goblins would have responded in kind. Also Stampofiron says it herself - because Harry is there, he must be Goblin Friend at least - so it is just polite to include him in the conversations.

So this is nearly the end of what Harry wanted to achieve at Gringotts. There will be a little bit at the start of the next chapter, but the action will soon move on to the Burrow.

Thank you for reading and moreover saying that you are enjoying it. As I do at the end of every response, this chapter has 53 reads (in three days) and overall the work has a magic number of 1313 reads in total.

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Review #5, by hokiechickHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Eight

7th January 2015:
Hello again, Hori!

Sorry I'm a bit late to the game with your latest updates. Fantastic job by the way!

These latest chapters are very emotionally charged and I liked the parallel that you drew at the close of this chapter between Hermione's and Imogen's situations. You have a very convincing plot where the motivations of the characters are clear. The new tattoo powers you describe are also wonderful. And there's so much well-placed detail about how they work, how she triggers them, how they speak to her.

So when you introduced Anton, you really made me like him and I thought he had a future in the story. I'm sure that was on purpose, because it made it all the more heartbreaking when he was killed off, just for being in the wrong place. I'm simultaneously mad at this story and impressed with your skill in telling it, which is a very strange sensation.

Again, I can see that there is so much you're purposely not telling the reader so that we get to discover more about the characters as the plot progresses. Since you seem to have this story well-planned, how many chapters do you think you will end up having?

Once again, well done.

Author's Response: Very late response! Apologies!

I'm happy to see you easily picked up on the parallels drawn between Imogen and Hermione's respective chapters. In my mind, I wanted to illustrate a tragic sort of irony that, if the two girls' places had been reversed, they each would have been better equipped to deal with the challenges. (ie, Imogen being an inexperienced spellcaster vs Hermione not having the insight to be instantly cautious of a piece of paper.)

The tattoo powers have been a fun challenge. It's been interesting to show that she possesses great power while also limiting her enough that she cannot easily handle every dangerous situation. The larger story of Imogen's bodysuit, and how it functions in the overall plot, is something I'm very excited to get to.

I honestly introduced Anton only with the intention of humanizing Imogen a bit, showing that she is not inherently cold toward all people. When I began writing the end of the chapter, the decision to kill him genuinely took me by surprise, but I think it serves a difficult and necessary function; Imogen and Hermione are headed to a very dark place, and common rules of engagement do not apply.

Your instincts are right. There is a great deal still to be revealed. Those revelations are coming, I promise! And I think you will continue to enjoy the story. :D

Conservatively speaking, Dead Man's Mark will most likely break fifty chapters. It may be necessary to eventually divide it into a 'part 1' and 'part 2' but time will tell. :)

Thank you for your thoughts and your readership!

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Review #6, by hokiechickStand Tall: Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

31st December 2014:
Hi again! I came back for the latest chapter, I was so excited to see it updated!

So at the very least, I hope Chandra finds out what James did. She's going to feel really stupid about yelling at Alba. She's a very insecure character in general, and I hope she gets some kind of treatment to be able to control her condition and grow as a person.

Alba's choices for Coach are pretty good. Neville would also be a great mentor to Alba because he got bullied a lot in school and I'm sure she's going to be the target of a lot more criticism now that she's a Champion.

Potter is definitely out for Companion. At this point I don't see how she can forgive his betrayal, but I'm sure you have something in mind for repairing their friendship later on. Both Ben and Maude would be great Companions, but I'm not sure Maude will want to make the huge sacrifice of time for a casual friend. Unless there was another side benefit for her, like it helps her get a job or into another program of study after graduation.

Your characterization of McGonagall was great, especially with the biscuits. Alba did exactly what I would have done right after that situation (hide, think, cry). Good job with this chapter, I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you're this invested with such strong feelings! It's really, really good to hear!

Ah, yes. Ben would be a good companion, BUT he isn't old enough. There's an age restriction on that too. I can't wait until you find out the whole team!

Thank you so much for these reviews! They mean quite a bit.

Until next time

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Review #7, by hokiechickStand Tall: Don't Wish, Don't Start

5th December 2014:
Wow! I am in love with this story! It's not something I would have expected to find, to read, or to enjoy so thoroughly. But just like Alba herself, it's overcome all the things that might work against it to be something truly amazing.

What a bold decision to write about CP. It's something from the muggle world that I never saw as fitting in with the wizarding world, but you've addressed that so seamlessly in so many ways. The wheelchair, the potions, navigating all the stairs. Of course Alba is friends with a lot of the portraits at Hogwarts, she spends much more time in the halls and on the stairs than anyone else! Just wonderful. I can tell you've put a lot of care and thought into the characters and what their lives are like on a daily basis.

Sometimes, with such great character development, you don't see a plot emerge. It's just a story about the daily life of a character and nothing really happens. Obviously that's not the case here. I was so mad at James for risking his friend's life, and I think his dad would be more disappointed that he did that than if James had just entered himself.

In any case, I love your story. I think you've done a wonderful job so far and I hope you continue to post more chapters. Thanks for sharing this gem.


I've sat by and watched the read count go up on this last chapter while crickets go off in my head from the lack of reviews! I was worried the plot seemed too predictable or uninteresting, and it's good to know that isn't the case.

I'm glad you got my point with the portraits! +] I didn't want to come right out and say it, but you're exactly right.

And yes, I'm sure Harry would be much more upset with James for his trickery than if he had just entered. The question is will Harry find out. Haha.

I certainly have a lot in store for it, I hope you come back again! +]

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Review #8, by hokiechickHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter Five

18th September 2014:
This is an excellent story. Just some things I noticed and appreciated about your work so far:

You stay in canon very well. The characters that we are familiar with from the books are true to character. The way you've incorporated elements of canon, like the Dark Mark and the fate of Azkaban in a post-Dementor society are well-reasoned and you've used incredible imagery to expand on those concepts.

Your villain is truly scary. I can tell you've got a great plan for him and I'm excited to continue reading this story.

At one point while reading, I wondered why you chose Hermione as the other main character with Imogen. I think the choice was deliberate on your part, and I like the way using her allows you to take advantage of her intellect as a plot device for uncovering pieces of information to the reader. Also, I think the two primary characters being women is still so rare that I'm very interested in seeing their dynamic play out.

And finally, Imogen. What a fantastic job you've done developing her character. There's so much that I can tell you're holding back from telling us about her. She has such an interesting back story and her tattoos/abilities are very special. It takes a skilled writer to exercise that much restraint with an exciting character they've created and not just blurt out everything you want us to know about her. You let the reader in slowly and carefully, which makes me want to know even more.

All in all, very well done. Thank you for sharing this story and these characters.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your feedback!
To respond to one point, pairing two females as the lead protagonists was definitely a conscious choice. As you said, it's somewhat rare, and I wanted to explore how Hermione might respond when she's not constantly playing a supportive role to male characters.
I hope you continue to read the story as I update. The next chapter should be coming soon. :)
Thanks again!

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Review #9, by hokiechickHonour Among Thieves: the end (part three)

12th September 2014:
So much awesome content here, it's hard to keep it all in my head come review time! But I'll try...

I think you really understand your characters on an intimate and personal level. You really know what motivates them, what their best and worst skills are, how they think- it's amazing. I'm impressed with how consistently they behave across the story. And since you understand them so well, you have a gift for foreshadowing something major without giving it away. Very subtle, very cool.

There were some unbelievable things, but I'll be damned if you didn't make me believe them. Like the whole premise of the story sounds far-fetched, but so did Quidditch the first time. I have to say, I'm not sure I believe Draco and Astoria actually staying in Ottery St Catchpole with the Scamanders while miserable. Spending days at the Burrow with other worried parents is one thing, but Malfoy drinking gurdyroot tea is just not going to happen. (I'll pretend like it didn't)

My wishes for your sequel:
Victoire's miscarriage is explored
The Fraternity either tries to recruit some of the Clan or griefs them (or both)
Lily's lycanthropy is explored
What was the deal with Dom lying about the boyfriend?
Goblins. Just more goblins. They're so under-explored and I feel like there is so much culture under the surface there. Plus you've prepped the stage for them to be ticked off about multiple generations of Potters and Weasleys breaking in to their bank.
Maybe George has a heart-to-heart with Rose about losing your closest sibling to help motivate her into living her life again
What was the deal with Carrow's daughters and how were they related to Amycus and Alecto? How did they die?

Anyways, well done here. I look forward to reading the next Thieves sequel.

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Review #10, by hokiechickHeart Without a Home: broken

12th September 2014:
Hi there,
I just finished Thieves and I'm going to pop back over there to leave a review on that, but I wanted to share my thoughts on this one-shot epilogue first.

To start, I'm glad this is here because the end of Thieves was sudden and jarring. There was no time to process any emotions about Hugo or Lorcan after the final showdown. So what was missing there is addressed well here. I liked the way Ron and Hermione were characterized in the mourning scenes, it felt very visceral and raw. So that was my favorite.

About Hugo's death. I'm not sure he was developed enough in Thieves to be as devastating a death as say Sirius or Dumbledore. I understand why it was him, since the main character Rose needed to be the one to end it with Carrow, but I would have been more affected by James, or even Albus, dying because their characters got more development time earlier during their adventures. I feel more emotion for Rose losing her brother since she and Scorpius are the main characters in the story, but I really wish there was a memorable and funny/heartwarming scene with Hugo earlier in Thieves to make his death more tragic from the reader's POV.

Overall, well done. I'll leave a review on Thieves as well. Cheers.

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Review #11, by hokiechickSevenfold: everything you touch, only dies

27th August 2014:
Compelliing, creative, impressive.
Those are the first three words that came to my mind while reading your novel. I'm just so completely blown away by your talent. This is without a doubt the best work of fanfiction I have ever read, and I've been reading for well over a decade now.

I honestly can't say more because I'm so utterly in love with your writing. The skill with which you built these characters is unparalleled. I'm convinced that if you wanted to do this professionally (or already do) you would be a phenomenal success.

The only thing this novel needs is about 1000 more reviews and a few Dobby's. Maybe a podcast special. Best wishes to you and my profound thanks for sharing this wonderful story with all of us.

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Wow. So I've been at a bit of a loss for how to respond to this wonderful review and have come back so many times over the past few days just to read it over and soak in your lovely, thoughtful words. Thank you so much - it is both humbling and heart-warming to know that this is a story you really enjoyed, especially since it is so close to my heart.

I would love to write professionally someday, and I know that whenever I get discouraged I'll have wonderful reviews like this one to re-read and encourage me. Thank you so very much again for this. ♥

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Review #12, by hokiechickWhat Lily Loves: What Lily Loves

5th March 2010:
Oh my goodness, I was *dying* laughing! I loved your dialogue and you have a great sense of rhythm between James and Lily & James and Sirius. I actually love your ending and how you turned that prank into the first successful asking-out of Lily and James.

Some of my favorite lines are the funny one-liners, you are so great at that.

Anyways, I really enjoyed your fic, and it's actually going on my favorites list now. Thanks for doing the challenge and I hope you had fun writing it!

Author's Response: Oh gosh, thank you so much!! It was a load of fun to write. Thank you for such a great challenge! I noticed in the forum you said my banner was nice - it's by Niika on thedarkarts, my favourite artist on there, she did my sig and avatar in the forums too!

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Review #13, by hokiechickI Am Man, Hear Me Roar: Dominique

24th February 2010:
Hahaha, this is a hilarious one-shot! I love that "Nick's" indignation just springs off the page at you! Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

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Review #14, by hokiechickAl Potter and His Very Epic Plan: The Foreign Delegations (all your castle are belong to Durmstrang)

9th February 2010:
Hahahaha, I love the title to this chapter! I'm just picturing a lolcat saying that right now. With a castle chess piece. Hahaha, I wish I knew how to make chapter images because I would totally do one for you for this chapter. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #15, by hokiechickAl Potter and His Very Epic Plan: SLYTHERIN! (so far so good)

9th February 2010:
Hahaha, the first year speech is hilarious! I get the feeling that the Slytherins aren't all hunky-dory with one another, but maybe that will change with this group of first years?
Great chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

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Review #16, by hokiechickAl Potter and His Very Epic Plan: On The Hogwarts Express (om nom nom food)

9th February 2010:
Haha, Rose is so annoying with her opinions, she's the perfect combo of Ron and Hermione's personalities!
I really wish I knew what Scorpius was thinking! He's so quiet, but I can understand why.
Great start, I will be reading more!

Author's Response: Rose *shakes fist*

Thanks very much for the review!

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Review #17, by hokiechickWe Were Brave Once: We Were Brave Once

9th February 2010:
Hi, I heard about this on HPPC Story Seekers podcast, and I must say it has just made its way onto my favorites list! It was absolutely genius and very moving. You did a great job of seamlessly transitioning between the inner thoughts of all the characters. I loved the tiny details you put in to show that this was a well-worn family (Grumpshine the Car) and you have given them all such a sense of history together, without really talking about the war at all. Overall, quite impressive! 10/10

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Review #18, by hokiechickSnogging Rose Weasley: 1/1

9th February 2010:
Wow, that was wonderful! I've never read a fic where Rose was a Slytherin, but I like her and the way you characterized her a lot. She's just sneaky enough without really being evil. I wonder how Ron reacted to her Sorting, haha! Overall, really well done!

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Review #19, by hokiechickWhat Would The Neighbours Think?: What Would The Neighbours Think?

9th February 2010:
Heard about this on HPPC. This is my favorite of the three Petunia Dursley fics they talked about because I felt you stayed so true to the characters from canon. And I love the extra scene you added about the last time she saw Lily and how she gave her a cast off as a Christmas present and just disregarded the last material item Lily had given her before she died. I think she really did feel sorry she would never see her sister again.
You did well with the Vernon character in this, too, even though he was a minor character. Just overall, I really liked this entire fic. Wonderful job! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank-you very much for your review! I had no idea my fic was being talked about on HPPC. Or what HPPC is, to be perfectly honest xD But all the same, it's made me happy. I might have to hunt that down.
Very glad you enjoyed reading!

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Review #20, by hokiechickFamily Friction: What Would I Do Without You?

9th February 2010:
Heard about this on HPPC. It was very fluffy with the Lily/James parts, but not in an altogether terrible way. I wish you had explored the character of Vernon a little more in this. Not bad, though.

Author's Response: I know; I wish I had, too. I wrote it on a sudden impulse *laughs*. Thank you for your review!

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Review #21, by hokiechickLily and Me: Elly

9th February 2010:
I read this after hearing the podcast about it. I was also a little put off by the end, but in more of a "what a creative genius" you are way. You've done a really great job of creating a character here that is relateable and likeable, so you feel bad about what happened at the end. I was kind of horrified for him when I read the line about the icy hands of Lily. Well done.

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Review #22, by hokiechickHardboiled: Hardboiled

30th January 2010:
Wow, I laughed out loud so many times while reading this fic. I have tears in my eyes from laughter. Like legit funny tears. That was great, thanks!

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Review #23, by hokiechickTte--Tte: Tte--Tte

24th January 2010:
Oooh! I like the dialogue. Especially the "..."s. Very witty. I'm off to read the sequel!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :D

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Review #24, by hokiechickEnsnared: Ensnared

24th January 2010:
Favorite line: "Thank mercy no woman had co-operated with Willy thus far, and the world was spared the misfortune that would be a continuation of the Potswill line." Pure genius! This was great, thanks so much!

Author's Response: Haha XD Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #25, by hokiechickSo I Married a Death Eater: The Hair War

21st January 2010:
Oh my god, there were too many *hilarious* parts for me to count on my fingers and toes. Seriously, they were so funny and you landed every single joke. I honestly hope there is another installment coming!

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