Interesting take on Lucius' and Narcissa's relationship. You have his arrogance down pat in this flashback and his loathing for all those inferior. I can't wait to see where you're taking this!Author's Response: Ah thanks! my inspiration for this had almost completely died down, but i think you just bought it back O__< thanks for the review! holidays are coming up soon, so i'll try to mass update then! Report Review
Well, what a place to stop! I hope you do continue the story-you haven't updated for several months (but then again I havent updated for several years...man am I behind!)
As for the story, it reads well. As a writer, you pay good attention to detail and write conversation (including its sarcasm & cheekiness) pretty well. Your occasional metaphor or simile is usually unusual and thus, a treat (i.e. no cliches there). The grammar and spelling is also really good: you proofread your work really well--something that is often missing in hpff (myself included there--everytime I post a new fic it seems it still has at least one syntax error left to fix!)
However, the plotline seems to be lagging. While I understand this is a romance fic, there needs to be more than just their friends not liking them. I have a feeling you may plan on bringing that more in with the whole Death Eaters thing, but for now, the plot seems to be dragging and plodding and disappearing. Do you have a story planned? Outlined, I mean? Climax and all? Because at the moment, the characters aren't really fighting anything: where's the conflict?
Lastly, the characters themselves. Snape at times seems out of character--especially with his softness and his quickness after Chapter 2 to come out of his shell. However, this is not bad: he is your own version of Snape and very much incharacter in most respects. I personally like him this way and think you've done a fine job.
Elektra, I like less. But that's more personal opinion than criticism. You've done a good job developing her: from the flighty teeneager to the maturing, nurturing young woman seen in chapter 8. Now just give her a good conflict to overcome and you'll have a fantastic story!
And I hope I haven't discouraged you or anything, because I would really like to see this fic continued. I hope you get back to it soon! Report Review
Minor altercation and now it's spring right? So what are they going to do come summer...? When Severus will be out of school but Elektra will have seventh year left? Report Review
And I thought they moved fast in the last chapter! I love you's in only a few weeks >< Sounds like they're Hogwarts Sweethearts, alright. Anyway, 2 more chapters left, then I'll leave an actually indepth review: right now, I'd rather finish the story! Report Review
Well, that was sudden. But hey, that's how high school sweetearts (or Hogwarts sweethearts, I guess) are. not much to say, still enjoying the story and your style of writing, so onto Chapter 6! Report Review
Nice twist with Remus escaping and all. So maybe Elektra will rub off on me some. Even if she's love-struck, she's only 16, so that's not unusual, nor are her moodswings. I just have to remember that! Anyway, good story, but I hope there's more action in future chapters (I like fluff, but action or something is nice too) Report Review
Ok so I like Elektra more in this chapter. In the previous chapter, she seemed a bit bipolar and shallow. Here, well I still don't entirely like her: very pompous and self-confident, but still better than,say, her friends! And this sounded more like the Severus I know--especially with Lily mentioning his dark sides! Now to see if you kept up the good work in Chapter 4! Report Review
Oh the maturities of 17 year old boys. Still hard to believe Elektra read most te library--she must be a super-fast reader because I always imagined that place to be as big as a university's library.
Anyway. I like this story so far, even though I think Snape is pretty fluffy so far. As for Elektra...my decision on her hasn't been made yet. Guess I'll just have to keep reading! Report Review
Interesting name choice; but hey she lives in the world of Harry Potter where no one has common names but Potter himself (and his father). I love literary allusions, so the bit on Shakespeare and his Venus and Adonis makes me smile. Good writing, even if Elektra's conversation is a bit formal (but hey some people talk that way). Reading Chapter 2 to see where you're taking this! Report Review
Haha her parents are Artemesia and Wormwood--destined to be or what?
You say this is your first fic? Wow--it's very good! I like your writing--very detailed and nice style and all that. And good characterization (even though I hate to break it to Astoria but to have brown hair and blue eyes would be awesome not average) of the other character and canon characterization of Malfoy. Very good first fic and I hope to see more from you!Author's Response: Thanks! I looked for plant names that had meanings to suit their personalities. And Astoria's opinion of herself was based on her feeling boring and even inferior, not on what I think. =) Report Review
See, this is where it would've been really nice to deviate from canon >< But hey, at least Severus and Emily are back on good ground again! But the death of her child was terrible--poor Snape family.Author's Response: I hated to do it, but never fear, Marcus is very much part of the family. They will recover, though. Thanks, again! Report Review
Stupid, stupid Severus. Talk about a moment-killer >< Emily needs to forgive him a little more, I think, and be more open. Didn't she realize when she married that he had about as much empathy as a rock? And, the Potters are gone and Sirius is to blame and it's a terribly dark year even with the Dark Lord gone, eh?Author's Response: Emily was so convinced by what the Tedious One told her that she allowed her worst fears to take over in her mind. Unfortunately, Severus's little slip-up was just the proof she needed to confirm it. Thanks for reveiwing! Report Review
Nooo..Emily should not doubt Severus. At all. He needs her and, well, this is a happy fluffy fic right? No need to turn bad now! (even if there are 50 chapters left..) Plus, well, we don't know for sure what Voldemort demanded of Emily but you wrote this so that we could infer pretty much only one thing. Guess I'll have to keep reading for confirmation, though!Author's Response: Emily shouldn't doubt Severus, but the Tedious One is very persuasive and knows just what buttons to push when he wants someone to fall into his plans. Severus has no idea what was said to her and therefore has no idea how to fix it. Thanks for the review! Report Review
She's pregnant again, isn't she? Aww..that's so cute :) I really just can't wait until Hope grows up and her personality emerges! And I'm glad you gave Sirius some maturity--enough to back off at least.Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, their family seems to be growing, and things seem to be going somewhat well at the moment. Report Review
I liked this whole progression of Severus growing as a teacher. You did a good job seguing his attitude to how he treats his students.Author's Response: I think even the best teachers need a time of adjustment, where they figure out how to take over a classroom. Thank you! Report Review
Alright, there we go, I was wondering how they were going to get Severus back with Voldemort (can't be THAT AU) But good to see it's through Dumbledore and...well at least he has countercurses in this universe to help!Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted Snape to have a loving family to sort of have his back. Report Review
Aww.."We gave each other Hope." How sweet!
Once again, here the story could've become much darker. I'm much happier with the fluffy fic! Plus, Severus loves her! Yay..now just Lord Voldemort and Death Eaters and all that stuff...Author's Response: I couldn't resist that line when I was at that point in the conversation, although the nickname has meaning that stretches through the story. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Ok, so I am very happy this AU enough where he is not a Death Eater yet. But, of course, now we have the further repercussions--but maybe he will talk to Dumbledore and be safe at Hogwarts? We'll have to wait and find out! Good story still, by the way! (In case I haven't told you that enough)Author's Response: Thank you, again! They work it out, eventually... Report Review
Ok good they got married. Even if it was a shotgun wedding. Still better than obliviating themselves! I'm glad you said this was fluffy--because there have been several parts now where it could've taken a very bad turn (what if he joined the Death Eaters? What if he had obliviated himself before talking to her & thus she was pregnant but the father didn't remember? That would be odd...)Author's Response: Thank you for the reviews! Yes, I could have sent it down a scary path but I chose the fluffy one instead. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Aww..stupid men. Thinking they know what's best for poor Emily. She's so nice..whereas in this story, Lily is portrayed as quite self-centered and demanding. I'm glad she finally broke it off with Black (that was driving me crazy! I was so afraid they'd end up together with 40 chapters of regret) but Severus is still being pretty darn thick about the whole thing. But hey, thats what the other 58 chapters are for!Author's Response: Thank you!
I like your comment about the "stupid men". Sirius *knows* Emily wants what he wants while Severus *knows* Emily wants him to be happy with Lily. They all still need to grow up somewhat. Report Review
Ok, so I have pity for Sirius. But I still want him to dump Emily. Or, even better, Emily dumps him! Yes and then goes happily with Severus who doesn't join the Death Eaters and nobody dies and everyone lives happily ever after...
And this is why fluffy hpff can be terrible--because you know how some things work out or how they must work out due to the original books **sigh** Anyway, I'm onto Chapter 7 in hopes Emily comes to her senses!Author's Response: Thanks, again!
Yes, we know there will be some sadness due to the face that canon is the way it is, but hopefully the license I've taken with it is believable. Report Review
Damn Severus. I'm sorry, but really! How thick can a guy be? Hmm..what does she get out of it? She was only just gushing sexy stuff about me, but what could she possibly gain from having relations with me? >.<
Of course, I think you've caught his obsession with Lily dead-on. That's what I like about this so much--actually has him being obsessive and dumb and kind-hearted and has Sirius being the dog that he is, not some over-romanticized, good-on-the-inside, never-meant-to-abuse-girls, love-struck puppy. Anyway, I'll stop ranting now and try to get through another couple of chapters today because I MUST know what happens!Author's Response: Thanks! You saw exactly what I pictured when I wrote the story. I'm glad you found it so enjoyable! Report Review
Ok, so I actually have read your story before--or at least some of it. Like I said, it's been in my favorites forever--so at one time, I guess, I had started it. Because I definately remember this part! However, there is so much I don't remember--and I don't think I've left reviews prior readings,a nd it must've been so long ago that it took me 4 chapters to realize I'm not reading this for the first time!
Anyway, I am as enthralled as I was the first time when I put it on my favorites. Of course, as a Severus-lover and Sirius-hater in this particular story, I kind of wish he'd've taken the deal (even though it would've been an extrememly awkward transaction) because I don't remember if I know if she ends up with Sirius (I have a huntch right now that he proposes..but I don't know if it's a deja-vu thing like the first 4 chapters or just a gutteral instinct..and I have no idea about her answer). Anyway, your story continues to please and, although it may take me a while to finish the whole novel, I am very excited to continue reading!Author's Response: I'm finally able to properly answer reviews, and now it's time for me to catch up!
I'm glad you've enjoyed this, whenever you read it. I hope you like the way things worked out. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Another good chapter! Still upset that Emily's going for Sirius--and her belief in Severus' take on destiny. But, hey, that's probably why you wrote another 30 chapters! Great story so far!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Yeah, Emily seems to be drifting into something she would rather not be part of at this point, but she doesn't see the point of avoiding it. Report Review
Yep, typical perverted teenage boys >< Wrongful use of invisiblity cloak for sure.
I really like how you portray Severus as so moonstruck over Lily; very canon & realistic and all.As for Emily...although Sirius seems to have alright intentions, this is kind of where you'd wish she'd dump him for still having quite a few bad ones. But still, very good writing!Author's Response: Thank you! Emily is in one of those situations where she wonders if it might be better to stick with the boyfriend she has, because that way she at least has a boyfriend. Not the most rational way of thinking, but she's 16 years old, which is not always the most rational stage of life. Report Review
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