Reading Reviews From Member: Onna_Elwood
  
121 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Onna_ElwoodScenes on a Train: The Ride to Scotland

22nd May 2010:
Aw. how cute! That's really sweet. If at all possible I think you should add to this and make it a short story. Cheers!

~Onna

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Review #2, by Onna_ElwoodPotter or Taylor or Weasley?: Life after the war

17th February 2010:
This is a really good start, but you're in desprate need of a BETA. Grammer, captialization, wording, it all needs to be double checked by someone unattached to the story if you don't think that you can do it yourself. If you don't want to do it that way, read through it yourself and fix the mistakes. And honestly, if you can't see the things that need fixing, then you don't need to be writing. It may be 'just a fanfic' but it insults your intelligence to leave it as it is. You also get many more reads and reviews if it's enjoyable to read, and when it's filled with mistakes, people tend to not take it seriously and just leave in the middle of reading the chapter.

~Onna

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Review #3, by Onna_ElwoodClosets: And so it begins...

27th January 2010:
you said it was funny! IT'S NOT FUNNY! It's sad... *sobs*

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Review #4, by Onna_ElwoodThe Antidote: Death of a War Hero

4th January 2010:
Hmmm... i have no idea what I think of this yet. I'll have to read further before I can form an opinion.

~Onna

P.S. Sorry for the delay. I moved away from my High Speed Internet. *sobs*

Author's Response: I understand... My internet is not as great anymore either. Thank you so much for the review! *HUGS*

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Review #5, by Onna_ElwoodThe Artful Fabrication of Draco and Hermione: Battle of the Houses

30th December 2009:
First off, apologies all around. Moving has taken alot of my time, but I'm getting back to my review thread now. I'm sorry for the delay.

Second, I really like the feel of this. It has a nice flow too it that makes me think I'm really going to like this. I read at the top of the page that you're doing/did some editing. And as far as I can see you did a superb job. Not a typo or misspelled word in sight, love. So, on to the next chapter. I may do no more then three since I'm so behind, but if you have a specific chapter you want me to do, just PM me on the forums!

Onna

Author's Response: No problem - I haven't been spending much time on HPFF lately either. I definitely understand that real life gets in the way. I'm glad the editing went well. And no, no specific chapters - I just wanted a fresh pair of eyes to look at this, especially since you like D/Hr. Thanks for the review!

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Review #6, by Onna_ElwoodHope - A Lily Evans Tale : Chapter One: Chocolate Cake

26th December 2009:
First of all, sorry that this review has been so long in coming. I moved, no internet. Explination enough.

Now, one of the only consistent mistake I saw in your writting - which is amazing by the way - is you miss spell 'stare' as in 'she stared at him' as 'steer' as in 'steer the cart that direction.' Other then that I'm liking the idea of the tables being turned and Lily being obsessed with James. It's different. So, I'll form more of an opinion later on in the story.

~Onna

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Review #7, by Onna_ElwoodThe Death and Times of Moaning Myrtle: Discovery

4th December 2009:
Well, another bril chapter. I didn't see any apparent typo's or punc. mistakes. Bravo. I am curious however as to why no one can see her. I've been speculating about it and I can't come up with a single thing. The only other thing I have to say is, Riddle seemed to timid and to... I don't know, afraid. But I guess if you just killed another student you'd be a bit afraid as well.

~Onna

Author's Response: Riddle is really hard to write. I actually don't think I got him exactly right yet. He's...ellusive. I mean, that's a hard call, writing the child of a the man who eventually becomes the most feared wizard of all... How do you even begin to approach that? So yes, I understand what you mean by too timid, he felt that way to me too but I was hoping more writing would flush him out. We'll see...

Thanks for review!

BB


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Review #8, by Onna_ElwoodThe Death and Times of Moaning Myrtle: Dead

4th December 2009:
Aw... all I can keep thinking is she's dead. And she's stuck as a ghost. Forever. And it's making me really, really sad and upset. It's like I don't wanna read anymore, but I wanna know what happens. I saw a few punctuation things and I think you spelled 'faucet' as 'facet'. But other then that I loved it. I particularly loved when you described her feelings on her mortality being missing. The comparisions to drowning and freezing. Next Chapter!

~Onna

Author's Response: Typo's really are the absolute bain of my existence. Everytime I think I've got them all, yet another creeps past me and mocks me with my poor readers who have to suffer through it! Thank you for pointing that out, I will now go hunt down that typo and beat it to death!

But serious, it is definitely sad! She's dead and...it's sad. I really wanted the reader to understand that, and you seem to have picked it up, so hurray. Thank you again for another lovely little review, it's appreciated!

BB


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Review #9, by Onna_ElwoodThe Death and Times of Moaning Myrtle: Alive

4th December 2009:
I think Myrtle is a lovely character to write about. I mean, she's basically a blank slate. And I'll admit, I'm an author guilty of making Myrtle a whiny little 2-D character. But I'm already sure that this story will make sure that I never do it again! I think your writing style is beautiful, and other then the occasional forgivable typo it's well written. On to the next chapter then!

~Onna

Author's Response: Onna, thank you for the review! You're so nice and I'm thrilled that my writing could make you see MM in a different light. You're right, she really is a blank slate, but she'd such a tragic character, it seems a pitty not to play on that. Ehh, anyway, I digress... Glad you liked, thanks!

BB


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Review #10, by Onna_ElwoodThe Divide That Corrupts Us: Initial Intelligence

3rd December 2009:
I'm loving this, and I'm happy to be a part of it! The only thing I can think of to add is in this chapter (and the last), isn't 'hallway' usually referred to as 'corridor' in HP land? (books and FF). Excited for the next chapter!

~Onna

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Review #11, by Onna_ElwoodFinal Vows: Auror Finnigan

2nd December 2009:
Bailey is a slimey little git. I know he didn't do anything purposefully then, atleast, I don't think he did. But he was still being a total poofter. Poor Lily. Having the one you love leave you just sucks. There's nothing you can do about it but cope and hope things get better as quick as possible. Good job. I still think your spacing is a little wide, but your writting itself is magnificent. Amazing, can't wait for the update!

~Onna

Author's Response: Yeah he is a bit of a git. The spacing is VERY annoying. I leave one space between each paragraph, then it says that I need double spacing, doing it automatically. Each time I post it more spaces are put in. Argh it's rather irritating. Thankyou :D I'm actually giving it a bit of a break to do a writing challenge, posting another story until about March I think (that's the deadline) but I might get time to put another chapter of FV in between. Thanks for your review.
MG
P.S No, I didn't get your email, unless you mean the one you sent me on the 16th Nov. about 'A Rats Tale'?


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Review #12, by Onna_ElwoodLove Can Heal Anything, Right?: Another Beginning At Hogwarts

2nd December 2009:
Just thought I would tell you. Hermione's middle name is Jean, not Jane. You're lucky I caught that and not one of these crazies on here. They get P.O.ed about things like that and they'll rip you a new one just as soon as look at you. Good job though, keep up the awesome writting!

~Onna

Author's Response: Really? Thanks.

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Review #13, by Onna_ElwoodThe Pied Piper of the Black Forest: The Nightmare that Follows

2nd December 2009:
sadest. thing. i've. ever. read! well one of them anyways. IT was amazingly well written and a beautiful idea. LOVE IT!

~Onna

Author's Response: Sorry I didn't respond sooner...laptop died. Thank you so much for the review, Im glad you liked it.
~Kristy


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Review #14, by Onna_ElwoodIce: Six

2nd December 2009:
Wow. Exactly how I thought Lucius would react. I had him murder Narcissa in a fic just to because she tried to protect Draco. He's an evil bastard, really he is. But really, you should take this down then re-post it as a one shot. It would be so much better that way. You're writting is impecable by the way, lovely grammer. You should write more!

~Onna

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Review #15, by Onna_ElwoodIce: Five

2nd December 2009:
Poo, that sucks. But it was well written and terrifyingly dramatic. You know, you could have put all these together and had one hella a one-shot. Bet it would have gotten a ton of hits. Just a thought...

~Onna

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Review #16, by Onna_ElwoodIce: Four

2nd December 2009:
I like the religious aspect to the story that you're adding in. You don't see that very often, wizards thnking about GOD. It's like everyone thinks they're pagans or athiests or something. But yes, still wishing it was longer, but other then that, I like it.

~Onna

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Review #17, by Onna_ElwoodIce: Three

2nd December 2009:
Uh, so she's gonna off herself? Seems like a snivelish way for a Malfoy, or anybody really to go. But I can't say anything cause I had an attempted suicide in one of my fics as well. This is well written. Your grammer is spot on and your writting style is lovely. I just wish the chapters were longer!

~Onna

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Review #18, by Onna_ElwoodIce: Two

2nd December 2009:
Now, the glimpse into Cassie's opinion on the death eaters was interesting, but I would think that the oldest daughter of the Malfoys would already be set up to be married off to the son of a death eater and she would have no choice. But that's my opinion.

~Onna

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Review #19, by Onna_ElwoodIce: One

2nd December 2009:
Hmmm... To short for me to really form an opinion. But I'll say this, It seems you've set up a good solid character in Cassiopeia. (By the way, love to use of the traditional Black Family constellation name!)

~Onna

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Review #20, by Onna_Elwood50 Colours In Her Hair: Fortunes Failings and Satan's Sprog

30th November 2009:
I is sleepy, so this is going to be by far my most suckish review. I liked it. The end. Blloo blee blloo blee blloo. I hope you update soon because, surprisingly, I'm liking this. And I'm not a fan of Marauder stories or OCs and Marauders. That really makes no sense. Shut up, silly goose, you're blithering all over this dear womans review page-thingy. Well, right then, I'm off...

~Onna

Author's Response: Woop!! Will update asap!! Your amazing reviews have made me want to write now so i will!
ta m'dear
Sparkle x


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Review #21, by Onna_Elwood50 Colours In Her Hair: Teapot Therapy amd Rayne's Sight

30th November 2009:
Hmmm... I really don't know what to think. Did Rayne see Peter betray the 'Potters'? Did she see Sirius in Azkaban? Did she see Lily an James dying? Did she see Kitty get offed? We won't know until NEXT TIME! ON 50 COLOURS IN HER HAIR! *meant to be said with a soap opera/tv announcer dramatci voice thingy...O_o*

~Onna

Author's Response: Ha, I actually laughed out loud at that!! Hm... it is a mystery what Rayne saw. Hopefully the soap reference wasn't indicating my fic is trashy lol.
Sparkle x


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Review #22, by Onna_Elwood50 Colours In Her Hair: Punkish Clothes and Flutterbye Schnapps

30th November 2009:
I thought car-parked meant you parked your car somewhere secluded and did the dirty. My mother always told me when I went out on date's 'You can stay out until midnight, any later then that and I know you'll go parking!' and I always thought to myself 'Gee mom, thanks for thinking I'm a stram.' I

Plus, I don't like Josh *glares at the poor helpless boy* he's a poofter. Hee hee, british slang.

NEXT CHAPTER!!

~Onna

Author's Response: Ha, yeah I thought people would probably get confused by car-parked but it's a gag from Michael McIntyre and it's become a very active art of my vocabulary. His joke was that posh people replace the word drunk with anything eg Carparked. And well Kitty is a bit posh so she would do that.

Don't worry you're not alone in not liking Josh. He is a bit of a prat but he's relatively harmless.
Sparkle x


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Review #23, by Onna_Elwood50 Colours In Her Hair: Leafy Classrooms and Citrus Fruits

30th November 2009:
No. I think she should get busy with Sirius. Just for old times sake. Then skip off with Josh. Or! Skip off with Josh, THEN get busy with Sirius. Yes, that works too. Anyways, Your chapters keep getting shorter? Why are they shorter?! You finally have a plot AND THE CHAPTERS ARE GETTING SHORTER! Hmmm... actually, I do have something to say. I wanna see some Lily and James action already! Woot woot!!

~Onna

Author's Response: Sorry, I know they're annoyingly short but i'm always desperate to update! Lily and james can't have too much going on right now cause they dont really get together untill 7th yr.
Sparkle x


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Review #24, by Onna_Elwood50 Colours In Her Hair: Thoughtful Baths and Surprising Peters

30th November 2009:
I thought so! I just had that feeling of Peter and Rayne. Like way back! yay! So... I don't really know what to say. la la la... NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Author's Response: Really? You saw that coming? I didn't!! Lol!
Sparkle x


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Review #25, by Onna_Elwood50 Colours In Her Hair: Gerald Dreams and Defence Practice

30th November 2009:
YESH!! PLOT PLOT!! HOW I LOVE PLOT!!

Sorry. Well, as you can see, I'm VERY happy that there is finally some point to this story and that it's beginning to head in a general diection instead of exploding every chapter. You're chracterization is lovely, Kitty is a good OC. Marlene is lovely too. Rayne just seems too much like Luna right now. I wish to see more or Remus and Peter. That is all for now. Lol.

~Onna

Author's Response: Woop, I managed some plot!!! Thanks I'm slightly in love with my characterters so praise of them makes me happy!!! There will be more Peter... But yes I do need to add in mre Remus. I will get cracking on that.
Rayne is actually quite different to Luna, she doesn't quite believe all of her brothers crazed ideas and shes just different maybe i havent made that obvious enough... but i will!!!
Sparkle x


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