Reading Reviews From Member: Elysium
  
69 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ElysiumThe Whimsical, Random and More Than Slightly Disturbing Musings of a Wandering Gryffindor: The Whimsical, Random and More Than Slighty Disturbing Musings of a Wandering Gryffindor

5th December 2007:
Good Lord, Sami my sides are aching. Literally aching... and this strange wheezing noise has been issuing from my mouth for the entire time I read that.

The newspaper - I don't even know where to start with the newspaper, and the flobberworm gah!

In any case it was totally random and totally hilarious. As I said to you before: even though you said it was just whatever came out of your head at the time, you actually employed some amazingly advanced creative writing techniques here: James Joyce would be proud :P

Fabulous work. In my faves. xox

Author's Response: *is laughing at Kylie's description of her laughter*

I'm so glad you found it hilarious lol. It's good to know my randomness is amusing.

Thanks for the review *huggles and hands over pinecones*


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Review #27, by ElysiumOne Night's Mistake: The First Mistake

3rd December 2007:
It's certainly an intriguing start. You're clearly a strong writer with a lovely clarity and expressiveness in your writing. Whilst there there is certainly an element of cliche in this story (its inevitable when writing dramione - I know!) I would definitely be interested to see where you take this story. Nice start.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your honest opinion! Yeah, the cliche is hard to eliminate, but I'm trying to avoid cliche as much as possible. I'm glad you like it!

~Hermionesclass


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Review #28, by ElysiumDissolved Girl: Dissolved Girl

27th November 2007:
My god, Kate, I don't even know where to start with this one. I literally need a minute to gather my thoughts which are rather jumbled at the moment.

I'm going to *try* to compartmentalise my thoughts on this or I'll forget something lol.

Ok to start with, the calibre of your writing (which is always amazing anyway) is extraordinary in this piece. In both this piece and Alecto you have this glorious abstract quality to your writing which is both fluid and disjointed at the same time.. and the result is rather breathtaking. It's almost like you won't let me settle into a rhythm so that with each new sentence my heart's racing further. A truly wonderful effect.

His eyes melt into mine, poisonous mercury darting under my skin, burning, shifting, and changing me.

A broken butterfly, a condemned moth. I cage my truth.


These were two of the many, many stand out lines in this piece.

Now in terms of characterisation - I have to say I always love watching Draco through your eyes... he is like this beautiful jaded and somewhat ethereal being.

It was so incredibly raw. 10/10 of course.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: hello darling ^_^ thank you so much kylie! i'm so thrilled you liked this! this fic was a long time in coming - if you could read the original piece i had for this...it was quite boring. i almost didn't return to it, but i'm glad i did. i enjoy writing rather abstract pieces - i think it echoes the jumping of emotion that one experiences in situations such as these. and yes, the effect on the reader - it is powerful and some of the most amazing pieces i have read have that disjointed quality.
-sigh- ahh draco. i adore writing him like this - i think its my fav way to characterise him. i like him totally nasty, but i like him torn and conflicted more ^_^
raw - thanks. thats what i wanted.
*hugs* thank you darling!!


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Review #29, by ElysiumFollowing: Following

18th November 2007:
Dixi! You wrote a Dramione? I was pleasantly surprised when I stumbled across it, lol. I'm so used to your snarky homosexual Draco but I have to say I adored this. It was light and fun and Draco was hilarious:
“No?” He whimpered. Oh dear Merlin, he whimpered.

Loved it.

xox Kylie


Author's Response: I know! I've always wanted to write one and I had a plot bunny running through my head and everything! It is a nice change isn't it? Maybe I'll have to write another... Thank you so much Kylie! I'm so glad you liked it :D

Dixi xx


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Review #30, by ElysiumMea Maxima Culpa: Chapter II: A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed

31st October 2007:
D!

This was a wonderful follow up to the first chapter. There were some moments of sheer brilliance in this piece that totally captivated me - particularly the below flashback:-

He had always liked silence, it helped him focus. Sitting in his room, observing the people walking past Grimmauld Place had been one of his favourite things to do. In the privacy of his room no one expected anything from him; no one wanted him to be something specific. Occasionally he could spend hours watching the world behind his window, how Muggles hurried past the building they could not see, unaware of so many things. World without speech had always been his hideout.

You really do write Regulus tremendously well, and the way you have your flashbacks interspersed is great as it gives us small but lovely insights into his character without overloading the reader.

The only thing I would say is to be careful of your puntuation after dialogue. There were a couple of instances where the sentence followed on without use of a comma.

Eg) “Oh be quiet Anna, mum and dad would get very angry with you if you’d leave me here” Edward stated matter-of-factly and Regulus had to bite back a grin when he saw the mixture of annoyance and shock on Anna’s face.

There should be a comma between here and the quotation mark. It's only a very small thing though, and your writing is overall superb.

Well done! *tackle hugs*

xox Agent Bambi

Author's Response: Man, Bammers, you really do make me blush here *cannot surpress her wide grin* To get comments like that form a writer of your level is just incredible and really lightens up my day :)

I actually have a one shot in planning based on that bit of flashback...I'll be sure to ask you to read it when I'm done with that *grins*

Ah, the pesky commas, my doom! Honestly, if there's something I haven't been able to grasp during the 22 years of living on this earth, it's the comma rules in any language *laughs* I'll be sure to fix the booboos, thanks for letting me know ^^

*glomps* Thanks again!


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Review #31, by ElysiumUnsung Heroes: The Art of Tact

31st October 2007:
Ariel! *commando rolls off window sill and into chair to write this review* ... I'm not sure what I was doing on the window sill... but how and ever...

Ok so I didn't get the opportunity to review this after reading it the other day, so I will now :D I realise I kind of know where this is headed but I don't think it matters anyway.

First of all, you know I think your writing is fabulous. Your other stories showed your ability to portray the vulnerability of your characters - this one however, is very different in tone but equally compelling.

I very much enjoyed the opening depiction of the ministry - it was rather J.K-esque actually, what with the incidental descriptions and everything:

The Ministry of Magic was a chaotic place at Christmastime. Being so short in numbers, everyone had to work twice as fast as usual. It became a common occurrence to see people almost sprinting down the corridors. Yesterday Artie Plumton had been sighted flying around on a broomstick in an effort to save time traveling between offices. After he had flown directly into the Minister for Magic however, the broomstick had been quickly confiscated.

Also - as I told you - I particularly liked your characterisation of Frank. It does seem so in keeping with the way one would imagine Augusta to raise her son. Your depictions of both Frank and Alice show characteristics we see in Neville so it ties in rather nicely.

Overall - I think it was thoroughly entertaining! Bravo Darling. xox

Author's Response: Agent Bambi! Yes, please explain as I am utterly bemused. What were you doing on the window sill?

Kylie you make me blush so much. It's not good for my ego. You may have to burst it if it begins to inflate again. :P

I'm glad you like Frank. He's rather adorable, makes me want to huggle him. Poor thing - I think I've already told you what I'm going to put him through later on *grins*.

Thanks for commando rolling by Agent Bambi. 'Tis very much appreciated. *tackle hugs*


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Review #32, by ElysiumMea Maxima Culpa: Chapter I: Encounters

23rd October 2007:
Hey! I loved this :D

Firstly I think your characterisation of Regulus is great, he has the right amount of cool disdain and aristocrasy for a Black - which I love. Also I thought the reflective nature of your opening was really quite captivating. Can't wait to see how you go with this. *in faves*

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Hey Kylie, and thanks so much taking time to read and review this little piece of mine ^^

I'm so happy to hear you liked my portrayal of Regulus; hopefully that statement stays for the two remaining chapters as well.

The reflectiveness of the opening was an experiment for me, something I'm very happy that I did. I generally feel that descriptions and exploration of a characters inner musings are my weak spot--I usually don't get into the character well enough to be able to accomplish that...which is why I'm thrilled to hear you were captivated by this ^^

Thanks again Bambi!


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Review #33, by ElysiumBased on a True Story: Moving in

21st October 2007:
I loved it. It was such an unusual piece - so orginal and simple that it just conveyed everything that was real about their relationship.

Annoyance builds sharply. - I love this line and similar ones. The use of short sharp sentences mixed in with longer and more eloquent ones adds a lovely fluidity to your writing.

I think you did a great job in conveying their relationship without the crutch of using dialogue, also I think you only named Ron once and Hermione not at all. This is a technique that I love as it really depends on the strength of the writer's characterisations throughout the story to really convey who they are. You did this wonderfully.

All in all I'm very impressed (and I don't even ship R/Hr!). Great work :D

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Thank you!

I'm really tickled that you liked the story, even though you don't like the ship. I was trying something completely new here, so I'm glad you think I pulled it off. I did consider making it more explicit who I was refering to, but in the end I'm glad I left things the way they are.

I'm also a die-hard perfectionist when it comes to style and flow in a story, so thank you for commenting on it!

Thanks again!
-Inger


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Review #34, by ElysiumBeing A Slytherin: It's Not All It's Cracked Up To Be

21st October 2007:
This was lovely. I found your characterisation to be superb and the intensity of Draco's introspectiveness was great. Your voice is strong and tone of expression clear - making this story very accessible to a wide readership, which I suppose is important due to the reflect (namely action free) style of writing. Personally I adore this style of writing and it's my specialty also, but I realise a lot of readers struggle with it. I think you did a great job in conveying Draco's fears - I particularly liked the irony of his being a death eater and fearful of the dark. These subtle touches are what make a story captivating - really great job.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Oh wow!! Thanks for the positive comments on this peice of writing. I haven't tried something like this before but I found it flowed from me quite easily, and it was in fact based totaly on the banner which I spotted in the up for grabs section of The Dark Arts.

I'm a huge Draco fan & I write him a lot, I find him quite easy to keep IC.

I thrilled that you thought so much of this, & I agree that some readers may struggle with this particular style of writing.

I will pop over to your page and see what kind of things you write.

Thanks for the review.


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Review #35, by ElysiumSeptember: Pale September

16th October 2007:
Kate,

This was thoroughly enjoyable - so much so that I'm rather dissatisfied it ended *starts sequel chant*

It was the subtleties that I loved, most particularly your repetition of the promise 'I will make you happy' - that rather struck a cord with me. As usual your characterisation of Blaise was gorgeous and I rather liked Ginny too - she's often poorly presented in fanfic.

Great work, hun.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: wow, thanks Kylie! i'm so pleased you liked this hun. i wanted to do something different, and i'm so pleased you liked my ginny! i find her terribly hard to write, but in this, she just flowed. i'm glad that came through on the page/screen.

and i love my blaise. he's so adorable. he writes himself.

sequel hey?? well, its a possibility. this story is still playing in my head so we will see what comes out.

thanks again sweetie!!
Kate xx


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Review #36, by ElysiumThe Christmas Pageant: The Christmas Pageant

14th October 2007:
I loved it! Dixi you have such a knack for the cheeky and that mental image of Draco's green boxers will haunt me forever... I don't think the 12 Days of Christmas will ever be the same again. I giggled throughout this whole piece. It was delightful and a lot of fun.

I really do adore your interpretation of Blaise - he's so smooth and swoon worthy lol.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Hey Kylie! Yes... Draco's green boxers *shifty eyes* haha I'm so glad you liked the lyrics, they're Tams own creation! Anyway sorry about the short reply but I'm dead tired so talk to you later.

Dixi s


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Review #37, by ElysiumI Will Not Forget You: I will Not Forget You

6th October 2007:
I'm numb after reading this. Quite literally numb.

This was exquisite, Kate. I truly never thought I would have such an emotive response to a 'Harmony' fic - that is to say, a positive emotive response. I rather detest the pairing actually. And yet you worked your magic so beautifully over this that I'm still rather breathless. In all honesty I shouldn't be surprised - I do so love your work.

Your descriptions were so richly textured that I almost felt I could reach out and touch the scene before me. Also I have to say that this was a great approach to a song fic ( I usually find them so limiting in format) but the way the lyrics flowed with the story was excellent. Extra points for Sarah McLachlan - I love her lyrics.

I think I have just about run out of adjectives to describe this fic! So I'll shut up now. Needless to say this is a 10/10 and fave.

xox kylie

Author's Response: wow, Kylie, thank you so much! heehee yes, i am not the biggest Harmione fan either, so this was a little challenge i set myself.

too much flattery my dear, but thank you! and yes, sarah is amazing. i had to use this song somewhere, and the idea of hermione being left behind in this big old house came to me.

thank you darling - and in your favs too? wow *hugs*

Kate xx


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Review #38, by ElysiumTainted: Essence

6th October 2007:
Well I'm thoroughly intrigued! This is in fact the first Rose/Scorpius fic I've read (I understand they are garnering quite the following these days) and am finding it very entertaining. As you have said, there is a lot of room for creative license in the characterisations as J.K gave very little info about these two characters. I'm really enjoying your take on this - I would never have imagined Draco Malfoy's son as the persistant James-esque style suitor. I also think you have done a great job in fleshing out the character of Rose.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take this fic. *puts in faves*

xox Kylie

Author's Response: YOU are intrigued by MY stories? Wow, that's amazing as you are such a talented authoress yourself. It's so great to hear you say that. I'm incredibly glad you liked it. I am really quite proud of my characterisations of Rose; I think she is much like myself in many ways. Hey, inspirations come from the most odd places. xD

Thanks so much for the review, Kylie, it means a lot! =]


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Review #39, by ElysiumEverything About You: Everything About You

22nd September 2007:
I'm thoroughly intrigued. I think you handle the absurdity of this pairing perfectly, and your refusal to turn Pansy into some sort of beauty queen is what makes this all the more potent. I enjoy flawed characters and the fact that neither of yours have been alterred makes for great reading.

I loved this line : In actuality, it was the beginning of the annihilation of the senses. The common senses. Simple, but terribly clever writing.

There is one are of CC I would give you and that is to be careful of your tensing, some of which changes from past to present. In reading the end of the chapter it looks to have been deliberate, but there are a few verbs sprinkled in the middle of your story which were presnet tense also.

I shall continue to read this story and share my thoughts once I've finished your chapters.

xox Kylie



Author's Response: Hey Elysium! Thanks for stopping by to review. I'm glad that so far you are liking what you've read. Yes, I know the tensing is off in some places. This was originally a one-shot so I kind of had it transform...I should probably go back in and edit it since I made it a short story. Thanks again =)

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Review #40, by ElysiumFailure: Failure

20th September 2007:
What a powerful ending. He had failed him, but he was proud - this sentence resonates so wonderfully. In fact the tone towards the end was poignant enough to make me connect with your character without you overstating his feelings of loos (this is something that many writers do poorly I think - nothing is stronger than you're readers imagination).

I thought you're story idea was lovely - and very original. I agree with you that it can be a different kind of challenge in writing a story without the crutch of a romance to pull you through. You did this very well.

There was only one small thing that irked me a little bit and that was the continued references to Regulus wanting power. I would suggest alterring that a little - just using a different term so as to continue the flow better.

Overall an excellent job. 9/10

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked the ending [which is also the summary. haha.] Yeah, it was definitely a hard story to write without romance or even fluff. Those are so much simpler to write! And I get what you mean about using different terms. I reread this and noticed 'dark side' a lot. haha. I'm going to edit this story soon. Thanks for the review!
-Nicole


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Review #41, by ElysiumA Dream for Winter: Snow Queen | Narcissa

20th September 2007:
Well! Where to start? Firstly many apologies for the late review - I've been running around crazy lately.

The first thing I want to discuss is your imagery, which is delightfully evocative. Quite simply I adored it. Particularly your use of the colour white and the snow - I think it reflected Narcissa so incredibly well.

Your writing is very refreshing, and I'm a firm believer in using short sharp sentences here and there to keep the pace - which you did very well.

My face lifted to the snow that fell like tiny pale butterflies. It drifted over my face, sticking to my eyelashes until my vision was blurred white.


This was such a simple description and yet I had the most wonderful image of Narcissa standing there with the snow clinging to her eyelashes. Gorgeous.

As for your characterisations - I thought they were very much in keeping with characters even as you put your own touch on them.

This really is a glowing review! To be frank I don't really give out a whole lot of those - I suppose something in you're story just struck me.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: yay! :] don't worry, i haven't even had time to notice anything being late. it's been crazy for me too. i'm glad you liked this, though! i was worried, since nobody had reviewed it. i wasn't sure if it was just because it was new or if i hadn't done a decent job. thanks for your kind words! and yes, narcissa love! :D

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Review #42, by ElysiumAll These Lives: This is our night

20th September 2007:
Firstly I want to apologise for the delay in reviewing you!

I'll start with you're tone and language. You have strong voice and clarity of expression which is lovely to read - it makes your writing very accessible to all readers. There were a couple of mistakes: 'he' instead of 'her' and 'otter' in place of 'outer' but they were relatively few and far between. Your grammar was quite excellent.

The two things which I must admit that I struggled with were the characterisations and the use of the nickname 'Drake' (this is a personal thing, and some may love it which is fine). In terms of you're characterisations, I would have loved to have seen both Pansy and Draco fleshed out a little bit more. Perhaps a little more showing as opposed to telling would enhance this and would in turn create alot more empathy with your characters.

I felt Draco was perhaps a little too open about his feelings - I completely understand that you're interpretation is based upon an AU plot in which he has turned good, but I would have liked to see perhaps a little more of the old Draco in there two - just to make his transition a little more believable.

In any case, I enjoyed reading you're work and hope that you get something positive out of my review (if not I'm sorry! :D)

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Oh, these were all positive things. I will go over this again and take the suggestions you ahve given me and improve the story!

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Review #43, by ElysiumThe Luau: The Luau

19th September 2007:
Dixi,

Yet another enjoyable Blaise/Hermione - you do them so well! *thinks of Blaise and swoons*
In any case I thoroughly enjoyed this quirky little fic and look forward to whatever you come up with next.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Hey Kylie thanks for the review! I saw you had read my other story The Bargain and added you on the forums... Hope you dont mind :) Glad you enjoyed it and there is another ineshot being validated at the moment so I hope to hear from you again.

Dixi x


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Review #44, by ElysiumEn Attendant La Nuitt: While awaiting the Night

12th September 2007:
Maji,

I am breathless... and without words it would seem. This was exquisite. Not only were your descriptions amazingly evocative but your characterisation was perfect. I empathised hugely with Pansy, but the most important thing I think is your ability to allow the reader to relate to Draco's pain as well. It would be far too simple to cast him as the bad guy in this story, and too superficial as well - instead I was heartbroken for the two of them. Oh, and the raw posessiveness of Draco was hard to look past *swoons*

Positively delicious and definitely a new fave. Good work, hun.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: *faints*

wow, Kylie, thank you hun!! i'm so pleased you liked this. it was a treat to write it - Pansy really intrigues me as a character - and i am really glad you picked up on Draco's pain as well. i didn't want people to be too sympathetic to him in this, but he was still not entirely heartless. he was hurting too.

oh yeah, a possessive Draco...swooning all around there ^_^

thank you darling and in your favs - wow!!

xx Kate


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Review #45, by ElysiumA Splinched Soul: From Where We Fall

4th September 2007:
Hannah,

I thought I'd pop by and check out your own story. Firstly I want to commend you on name choice for your OC - lovely! Getting the name right is so important and unfortunately something that many writers don't put enough time into.

I think you have set this up very nicely, incorporating necessary facts from DH which indicate where and when your story is set without overloading the reader with unnecessary information.

Your writing shows a strong voice and clear expression,and I really do look forward to seeing where you take this piece.

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Kylie! wow thanks so much for reviewing :) And thank you about her name... that did take me a while to choose actually. I refuse to have a weak OC, no matter how long it takes me to write her... I wrote this prologue before I really read any fanfiction at all, so I had no basis for a lot of what I do and dont like now. This is causing conflictions in the plot... and a delay in chapter one... This is really an experiment for me, as I'm much more of a reader/editor. Anyway, its a great feeling to get a positive review after a hard day, so thanks :) It is so much appreciated.

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Review #46, by ElysiumThe Devil you Know: Can a bad day get any worse?

30th August 2007:
Hi Maji,
I keep seeing this story cropping up everywhere so I thought I'd pop in and check it out :D For the record I love Blaise, Hermione & Draco fics... my three favourite characters.
Obviously I'm only just starting out, however, I am definitely intrigued and I look forward to seeing where you take this.
xox
Kylie

P.S You write a delightful Blaise!


Author's Response: *gasp* thank you for reading this!! i'm so happy!! and yep, i'm so in love with this triangle - this fic is so much fun to write! you like my blaise? wonderful *hugs*

thanks kylie!!!


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Review #47, by ElysiumJust So You Know: Just So You Know

21st August 2007:
Well this was a suprise package. I have to say when I read the pairing I was a little sceptical, purely, I suppose because of my lack of experience with it. But I must say you caught my attention with your divine opening - which was pure craftmenship.
There were very few mistake is this and the only ones were a couple of instances of a missing letter (which looked more like a typo then anything).
Your descriptions and depictions of emotions were beautiful. And now I want to mention what was my favourite part: 'No, they didn't fit, they didn't make sense.' So simple and yet so powerful. I loved your exploration of the imperfections of both characters and their compatability. Brava :D

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Yes, yet another sceptic has fallen in love with the story! Woot! *giggles* But seriously now, I'm so glad you liked it, and yes, I'm aware of those typos, and I hate them. But I'm glad you were able to look past it to find this fic as you said 'beautiful'. And yes, that was one of my favorite lessons that this fic held, that it is our imperfections that make us compatable. How their imperfections completed one another. I loved that part so much, and I'm glad you saw their compatability. I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing.

Chante'


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Review #48, by ElysiumA Journey To Freedom: A Journey To Freedom

20th August 2007:
Oh, Andromeda - I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! It was superbly entertaining (such a shame it's a one-shot!). Firstly I have to say that I think you capture each character's voice very well - particularly in the case of Sirius and James... ah the solemness of 11 years!
It had the perfect combination of structure and clutter to lend it a certain reality - much like J.K's own writing.
Congratulations on a fine piece of fiction. *deposits in favourite* :D

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Oh, thank you ver,y very much! That is so cool to get such a heart-warming review :)) I'm glad you found it entertaining and in character, and, oh my, you even mentioned JKR - that is too kind of you! *blushes*
Thanks a million! That's an honor to end up in your favourites :D


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Review #49, by ElysiumReckless Games: Reckless Games

20th August 2007:
Oh, but this was exquisite! Easily the most captivating founders story I have read. Now - where to start?
The first thing i'll address I suppose, is characterisation, which for the record was spot on. Generally I find this to be the most irksome thing about Founder fics, purely because people forget that these characters are not in a modern context. You, however, managed to depict Rowena in both her austerity and vulnerability and did so with tremendous subtlety.
I have not had the pleasure (as yet) of reading your other stories, but it is clear from this that you are a strong writer with a lovely voice and clarity of expression. Your descriptions were soft and beautiful and seemed to roll over me whilst reading. Sometimes writers have a tendency to over-describe scenes and labour over descriptions, which thankfully you did not do. Also, with reference to your writing, I felt you captured the era perfectly both in the dialogue and thoughts of your characters.
As for my grammar nazi tendencies... whilst reading this they were well and truly dormant. You did not need a beta.

Overall, a lovely story.

*deposits in favourites* :D

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Well, I'm currently blushing like a madwoman. Thank you so much ... I'm grinning from ear to ear here.

Characterisation was good? Phew! When I posted this I was actually a little worried that it was all a little too overdramatic. I agree, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people forget what era it is that they are writing in (especially in Marauder era, where there were NO ipods and computers! :D ).

Ugh, I may be the only person to ever say this, but I really don't recommend reading my other stories. Honestly, I wrote them a when I was relatively new to fanfiction and they're filled with some pretty terrible clichés (but being my early works I have a strange attachment to them and can't bring myself to take them down :D ). This would have to be my favourite story so far.

Description is a point that I feel I particularly struggle with. I tend to jump right into the dialogue and then have to go back and add the description in. I'm very glad though that you felt there was a substantial amount without it being too overbearing.

Ok, no beta necessary. I'm surprised actually; usually I have at least a few mistakes I need to fix. Good old spell-check. Oh, wow, thanks for adding this to your favorites. And thank you for reviewing, this has made my assignment filled afternoon a whole lot better.


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Review #50, by ElysiumSelflessly Selfish: Selflessy Selfish

17th August 2007:
Jessi,

I see what you mean when you say this particular story lacks a certain organisation - that said I don't think it would have worked had you constructed it in any other way... it would have seemed contrived. Instead I found it very refreshing. You depict Andromeda in all of her imperfections, which inevitably makes her so much more accessible to your readers. Most importantly in my opinion was the fact that you tackled quite a significant issue which was raised in DH - certainly it plagued me after I had finished reading - and you handled it with sensitivity and sincerity. I don't believe in glossing over the hardships.

It was raw, and quite lovely as a result.

xox Kylie

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