Reading Reviews From Member: DracoFerret11
  
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Review #1, by DracoFerret11When a Wizard Grieves: When It Rains, It Pours...

12th July 2014:
Hello for the final time in this story. I'm so happy I read this. It was beautiful and meaningful and really, really lovely. So, let's go over things:

Lines: As I may have said before, I always mention lines when I feel that they're powerful. The one here was: "And without words, asked her to be his wife. And without words, she said yes." That was gorgeous. What a beautiful way to begin their new life together.

Idiosyncrasies: There were a couple of things that didn't make a lot of sense to me. First, when Rose cries in St. Mungo's you say that the lights are flickering, but if they're magical lights, that wouldn't happen. Also, you've called BLAISE Zabini BLADE Zabini. Was that intentional?

Plot: This was really lovely. I'm glad you brought Rose's fate into the story, but I didn't feel it was necessary for her to kiss Blaise at the end. I thought it was implied that they would help each other heal. I didn't think the kiss needed to happen, and it felt too forced to me. I liked Hermione and Draco's progressing relationship, though. Well done! This was such a sweet way to summarize everything that's happened.

Characterization: I think you wrote Hermione and Draco very well. Hermione comforting Rose was very realistic and sweet and moving. Rose herself was great. Her anger was perfect. I really believed that. I've grieved before, and that anger can be so powerful. I'm glad you included it.

Descriptions: I loved the emotional details you added about the rain. I do wonder, though, why it isn't constantly raining if every time someone magical grieves, it rains. But I loved how you wrote this. Well done.

This chapter was so sad and so moving. Hermione's relationship with her daughter was beautiful, and I loved her relationship with Draco. This story was great. Thanks for writing it!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #2, by DracoFerret11Memory Lane : A Day in Diagon Alley

12th July 2014:
Hello again. I have to say, this chapter was lovely. I really adored it. On to the review:

Plot: I love the idea of Draco and Hermione helping new Muggleborns figure out the magical world. That's so sweet and realistic and perfect. I'm really fond of it. I wish Jane's parents had asked more questions, though. You would think they would be more vocal about their child's future. Other than that, the chapter was great. I actually teared up when Draco said what he did about being a Muggleborn not mattering anymore. That was so sweet and perfect. Great job.

Characterization: Lovely job with Hermione, Draco, and Jane. The parents were too quiet, but Jane was cute. Hermione was, of course, a great source of information, though I wish Draco had had more advice too. But he was really good, and again, I loved what he said about Hermione changing the world.

Descriptions: I wish I could have pictured Jane's expressions and actions better. It would be so stunning being in Diagon Alley for the first time, but we didn't get many details about how the family actually reacted to anything.

This story is moving along so nicely. I really think you're doing this plot justice. Well done and good luck to Hufflepuff in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #3, by DracoFerret11Memory Lane : Wedding plans

12th July 2014:
Hello again! I'm so glad I'm getting back into reading this story! I'm really enjoying it. So, let's go over things:

Plot: I keep forgetting that Lucy exists, sadly. Her friendship with Hermione was never really explained, but I'm always surprised that they HAVE a friendship when their interactions are mainly based out of work. I would think Hermione would be more professional. But anyhow. When she went to Ron's, I thought Juliette was going to be pregnant! But then I remembered the chapter title, haha. So cute, though. I'm glad Ron has someone in his life. And the developments in Hermione and Draco's "friendship," yay! I really love his plan to help out Muggleborns. That's lovely. I can't wait to read on.

Characterization: I definitely think your Hermione is believable. Really, she's so well-written. And Draco is pretty much spot-on (like everyone in this story!). I commend you!

Descriptions: I still don't really have a clear picture of Juliette or Lucy in my mind (that might have been clarified earlier and I've just forgotten), but I can see the other characters. The details you choose to show are quite good and, I like them a lot. You're doing well!

Emotions: The excitement at Ron and Juliette setting a wedding date was a bit muted. I expected something more, though now that I think of it: why are people even excited about dates? That's such a random thing to be happy about. They're already engaged, after all. Haha, maybe I just don't get wedding things!

So far, so good! I like the interactions and the plot a lot. I'll read on ASAP!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #4, by DracoFerret11Memory Lane : Bad timing, a bedroom and a bathroom

12th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few places here where you missed things like apostrophes, but I think a slow read-through would help you spot those, and none of them were overly distracting.

Plot: I'd read the first five chapters of this story a long time ago, so I skimmed them before continuing, and I have to say that I think this is my favorite so far. I like that the story is progressing, and Hermione and Draco are slowly learning more about each other. The pacing is great. I love that things aren't moving too fast.

Characterization: I think you did a great job here with Hermione and Draco. Their indignation at the beginning was perfect, and the scene in Hermione's memory was really sweet. I loved that she wanted to explain things to her younger self, but I'm really glad that she couldn't. That naivety shouldn't be broken without really good cause. I do wonder, though, (randomly) how Hermione was able to touch a bathrobe in the memory. That didn't make any sense to me whatsoever.

Descriptions: I really liked the details you added about the Quidditch game and Hermione's childhood bedroom. I could also see their facial expressions, so that's good too.

Emotions: I really liked how you expressed Hermione's emotions in her memory. The juxtaposition of crying adult-Hermione and excited young-Hermione was lovely. Great job.

Interactions: I really liked the conversation Hermione and Draco had in the memory. I think it shows that they're capable of understanding each other better, and I can't wait to see how that progresses.

I'm glad I'm getting back into reading this. Good job on this chapter! Well done and good luck to Hufflepuff in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #5, by DracoFerret11When a Wizard Grieves: "P.S. It's Raining."

12th July 2014:
Hello again! Sorry for the delay. So, let's go over things:

I'll start by mentioning the one part I found odd: in this chapter. You mention near the beginning that Draco "knew her very well," but there's not really any prior hinting towards that, and without an explanation that just seems rather random.

Plot: I really liked this chapter. The beginning was very sweet when he left her the roses before he went home. I thought it was very believable for him to leave and stay away for a couple of weeks. That made a lot of sense considering their circumstances. And when Hermione wrote him the letter the "P.S. It's raining." line was so powerful. The steady rain when he arrived was so symbolic of the change she'd made in her life by taking off the ring. That was just really gorgeous. It tore at my heart. Great job. And your love scene was very sweet and tasteful. I commend you!

Characterization: I think that you hit Hermione and Draco's characters perfectly. Draco trying to stay away because he didn't want to hurt her; Hermione needing him but not knowing quite how to say it. Perfect. They mesh very well in this story, and I love the relationship you've created between them.

Descriptions: Again, you've done such a lovely job with your details. I'm so impressed by how much I feel like I'm experiencing this story alongside the characters. Really lovely.

The emotions in this story are so raw and realistic, and your writing is so poetic. I really love it and can't wait to finish this story. Well done and good luck to Slytherin in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #6, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: The Battle

12th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few issues here and there with apostrophe-usage mostly. A slow read-through might help you to spot and fix those.

Plot: I'm really interested in this story already. The summary was intriguing and I've been meaning to check this out for a while, so we'll see how things go! The only critique I have for this chapter is that McGonagall asks all fourth-years and above to stay to fight. Fourth years are 13 and 14 years old! Why on earth would she put such young kids in danger. And she didn't seem to imply that they had the choice NOT to fight. Did she force them into battle? EEK. But I liked the ending and am really interested to see what happens next.

Characterization: I think you did a fantastic job portraying Hermione, and I'm glad you didn't gloss over the fear associated with the war. That would be a terrifying situation to be in, and I'm happy that you added that emotion. Her conversation with Ginny seemed a bit forced and sudden, though, but other than that, I liked her. Draco seemed on point too, though I didn't quite get enough to judge him. So far, so good, there.

Descriptions: I liked the details about the battle and how the fighting was going. I could see how dramatic things are which I liked a lot.

Emotions: Hermione's fear, as I mentioned, was great. I couldn't really discern what Draco was thinking a lot of the time, but I did like that he seemed uncertain about the whole situation. I imagine he would be feeling quite confused after everything he's gone through.

Pacing: I think this is moving along nicely. This was a good opening chapter and it's captured my attention so that I'll read on ASAP.

So far, well done, and good luck to Gryffindor in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #7, by DracoFerret11mystify.: mystify.

11th July 2014:
Hello there! First of all, I'd like to say that your banner is BEAUTIFUL. And the story was so sweet. So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few errors, but the ones that stuck out to me were, "opening a draw to his right" instead of "drawer," and "carefully placing his tombs" instead of "tomes."

Plot: I really loved that this story centered around books. I think it was a perfect scenario for Hermione to fall in love, and I think you paced it out very well. I loved their sessions of reading books together and the respect and admiration it fostered in them. Good job!

Characterization: I definitely think you hit Hermione's character on the head. She was just sassy enough at the beginning (side note: at first, I thought it was the HOGWARTS library, so maybe clarify that somehow, unless it already was clarified and I'm just dumb). Her progression to respect for Draco and his books was lovely. He was cold enough at the beginning and warm enough at the end without me ever questioning his change.

Descriptions: I would have liked a few more details about how things looked, sounded, felt, smelled, etc. We have a few instances of that, but I really wanted to be able to feel like I was there in the library, and I didn't always feel that way.

Emotions: I liked their growing affection. I didn't feel like it was too fast, and I think you justified it well. Good job!

Overall, I liked this a lot. Good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #8, by DracoFerret11Told You So: Told You So

11th July 2014:
Hello there! I just found this during my Dramione binge reading day. I'm so happy to have read this. I liked it a lot. So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was so sweet. I think I might even add it to my favorites. I loved that the story centered around Narcissa rather than Draco and Hermione. That was an interesting choice, and I think you did it justice. The one thing I wasn't too sure of was the mention of Lucius looking for work -- ANY work, for that matter, not just with Muggles -- since they have a fortune and he's never worked before. Why on Earth would he start now? Other than that, I liked the progression of the story and think it was very sweet.

Characterization: I think you hit Narcissa's character on the head. She was very realistic and, I think her reactions to Draco lying to her and to his relationship at the end were perfect. I loved that she cared so much about her son that she would overlook the fact that she didn't approve of his girlfriend for the sake of his happiness. Draco himself was good too. I was a bit confused when he told his mother "You were right about her," though. What was that supposed to mean? And Hermione, though we didn't see much of her was nice.

Descriptions & Emotions: I absolutely loved when you showed the pictures of Draco and Hermione. I could imagine each of those and really see the happiness they felt, which was wonderful. And I could experience Narcissa's frustration before that and haughty acceptance afterwards. Draco's sadness came across too. Overall, the details you provided really helped me to get into this story. Great job.

Interactions: I could definitely believe that Draco would lie to his mother for the sake of building his relationship with Hermione. And I loved when Narcissa's attitude towards Draco changed from fed up to pitying. I could see that and understand it, and it really worked for me. Well done!

Overall, I liked this a lot. It was really sweet, and I'm glad I read it. Good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #9, by DracoFerret11Begin Again: On a Wednesday..

11th July 2014:
Hello there! I'm on a Dramione reading binge, so, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few errors here and there, but the only one that was distracting was right near the end where you've written "You have more than amazing the past eight months" instead of "You have BEEN more..."

Plot: This was a sweet songfic. I haven't read a songfic in a long time, but I liked this one. I would caution you, however, against directly replicating the actions in the song in the story. If you do that, it starts to feel a bit repetitive. But I liked the date that they went on and felt that it was both sweet and realistic. I would have liked to see flashbacks of how they really became friends in the office before this point, but I did like what you put down here.

Characterization: I liked Hermione. I think her nerves and shyness were both in character. Draco was sweet, but a bit overly so without the justification of why he's changed. And Ron cheating on Hermione didn't seem too realistic to me. Other than that, good job!

Descriptions: I wish we'd had more details about what the setting and characters looked like, smelled like, sounded like, felt like, etc. As it was, I couldn't really experience the story. Instead, I felt like I was just reading it without much context to make it more realistic.

Emotions: Good job with Hermione's nerves. Draco was a little too sweet, though. Like I mentioned before, I wish you could justify just why he'd changed. At the beginning, Hermione mentions that he used to be her enemy, but we don't really hear how he's changed.

Interactions: I did think that the two of them were quite sweet together. I'm obsessed with this pairing, so that's a big part of it as well.

Overall, well done. A few tweaks here and there and this could be even better!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #10, by DracoFerret11An Invitation on Valentines Day: An Invitation on Valentines Day

11th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Confusion: I'll start with the one part that I didn't quite understand. Namely, why is FEBRUARY their last month in school? That just doesn't make sense. And why are they having a party in the Great Hall to begin with? Some clarification would help.

Plot: This was quite a sweet story. I really liked that it wasn't all about romance. It was good to see a story more about friendship than about love on Valentine's Day. Hermione and Draco were a lot different than I normally read them, but I didn't mind. Well done!

Characterization: Hermione's personality was very dry in this story, and I loved it. Her sassiness was lovely, and Draco's humor was fantastic. Even though they were much friendlier than I would expect, I liked the banter between them so much that I didn't mind if they were a bit OOC.

Emotions: I think that Hermione's sadness about her grandma was a bit too glossy-over. I liked that she wasn't happy about Valentine's Day, but she didn't seem too sad either. I think delving more into that would help solidify her character. As for Draco, we never really got an explanation for why he didn't want to be around other people on Valentine's Day. He didn't explain it that well, but I wish he had. It would have been nice to understand just why they were feeling the way they were feeling.

I liked the way that Hermione and Draco talked to each other, and I loved that this was a less traditional story about Valentine's Day. Overall, well done! I liked this. :)

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #11, by DracoFerret11The Last Kiss : Heart-Broken

11th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was an interesting story! I like these in-the-moment kinds of plots where there isn't much time to explain things. I like that you showed a reasonable situation for how Hermione would feel if she found out that Draco had betrayed her. Well done.

Characterization: I think your Hermione was amazing. I really liked that she lost her patience with Draco. Her anger was so justified and realistic. Draco was good too. I liked that he got angry, but I especially liked that he kissed her to calm her down. I would have thought she would resist more, though. Overall, I think they both worked in the context of the story.

Descriptions: I would have liked more details about the setting, to be honest. I would have liked to be able to see, hear, feel, smell, etc. the scene and really experience the story. I can imagine that, with a battle going on, things would be quite dramatic, and the sounds of spells being fired and screaming would echo through the halls. It might smell like smoke or sweat. The halls would probably be really dark and scary. Etc.

Emotions: Good job writing for Hermione in all her sadness and anger, as well as Draco's self-loathing and disappointment.

Overall, I think you definitely wrote this well. Well done!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: I haven't been on this account in a very long time, so seeing this has made me realise my passion for FanFiction so I thank you dearly! I am so grateful for your comments! I'm gad you enjoyed it too!
Krystal x


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Review #12, by DracoFerret11Scars: Scars

11th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was sweet story! I liked how you set up their friendship. The brief explanation was enough for this story, though I still wish I'd had more information. The one problem I had with the plot was that it seemed to suddenly change about halfway through. Rather than Hermione comforting Draco or him comforting her, suddenly they were leaping all over each other, and the mood completely changed. It didn't make much sense, and I can't say I really liked that.

Characterization: I could believe that Hermione would go to comfort her friend when he was upset. That made sense. And Draco's self-loathing also made sense. The ending, however, just came out of left field for me. I could believe a kiss between them, but then they were all over each other and Draco was seducing her and...it just really didn't sit right with me. The things leading up to it didn't justify that scene.

Descriptions: I didn't really feel like I got enough details in this chapter to really experience the story. I wasn't able to see, hear, smell, feel, etc. the surroundings or characters or any of that. Those details would have helped me, though, so perhaps adding them in could help.

Emotions: I liked Hermione and Draco's emotions in this story. I think his self-loathing made sense, and her support was very sweet. Their sudden romance was the only part that didn't make much sense.

For the most part, I liked the story. It moved too quickly, in my opinion, but I liked the premise. Good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #13, by DracoFerret11Fear : Bogart

10th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was so sad and moving. I'd never read anything quite like it, and I really liked it. The idea of Hermione suffering from amnesia is so interesting and unique. And the way Draco handles it is so sad. I almost thought of "The Notebook" throughout this. Either way, you did a great job creating a different and well-written story.

Characterization & Emotions: I think you did a lovely job writing for Draco. His Bogart is so realistic. I would be terrified of being forgotten by the people I love too. That's awful. And his emotions really came out through this writing. I could sense his sadness and disappointment in what had happened, and his depression and harmful thoughts towards the end were really powerful. Great job with showing everything he's feeling without overwhelming readers.

Descriptions: I didn't get many details about the settings or characters (i.e. how things looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc.), but I actually didn't mind. I think the emotions were what mattered here, and those worked well for me. So, overall, this category went well!

I think what struck me the most about this story was just how sad it made me feel. Your ability to grasp the tragedy of semi-permanent amnesia and show how it affected the people around Hermione was lovely. I really felt for Draco by the end of it. Really good job.

Good luck to Slytherin in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Hi again! I feel very privileged to have received two amazing reviews from you. I've never seen 'the Notebook' but I shall note it down to watch, as you have piqued my interest. I'm very thankful for your comments, they are truly lovely. I don't always put enough emotions into my writing (as you picked up in Encounter) so it's nice to know this story was an improvement in that area, even if lacking slightly in detail. Thank you very much for reviewing Emily, it's great to know what you thought :)
Lottie


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Review #14, by DracoFerret11Lights Out: Lumos.

10th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was a really cute story. I have such a soft spot for Dramione. I liked how this started really slowly and built up. That flow and pacing worked really well for me. The fact that it all started with a book was perfect, and by the end they were kissing and I was really happy for them. I liked that you put that off until the end. That way it meant more when it finally happened.

Characterization & Interactions: I don't think you deviated too much from Draco and Hermione's characters for the sake of this story. As I mentioned before, I like that this started with a book -- very loyal to Hermione's character. I also liked how slowly they moved. That was realistic to me. And their interactions were sweet and believable. I loved the friendship you created between them. Well done.

Descriptions: I didn't get too many details about how the settings or characters looked, sounded, felt, smelled, etc., but I actually didn't mind in this story. I think the emotions were what was more important, and you did a great job of showcasing them.

Emotions: I loved the nervousness that Hermione and Draco felt at the beginning of the story. I wish I could have seen more about how that developed and changed into their friendship, though. The ending was sweet, and I liked the kiss. It was very meaningful. Good job!

Overall, this was really sweet. Well done and good luck to Slytherin in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #15, by DracoFerret11Have a Biscuit, Lupin: Have a Biscuit, Lupin

10th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! I've been looking forward to reading this since it won Event 3, and now I have a chance! So, let's go over things:

Confusing Sentence: I'll just start with the one part that didn't quite make sense to me. When Remus goes to McGonagall's office after Harry's Patronus lesson, it says that he passes Wood who looks upset, but then after he enters the office, McGonagall says, "Wood, that's my final answer" or something similar. But I thought Wood was already walking down the hall. Maybe some clarification could help there.

Plot: This was a really sweet story. I liked the premise, first of all, with McGonagall constantly comforting Lupin with sweets. It's something he does for his students, and she does for him, and there's something sort of poetic about that. I also liked the moments you chose to showcase. It was a great summary of third year. Well done.

Characterization: Lupin and McGonagall were wonderful. I loved when Minerva hugged Remus. It was so sweet and caring, and we don't frequently see that side of her. I was really happy to read that. And Lupin was exactly right. Literally, you wrote both these characters perfectly. Fantastic.

Descriptions: I liked that the details you chose to showcase were how the cookies looked. That makes a lot of sense for this story. I didn't get many other details about the setting or characters, but I didn't mind since I think you chose the important things to show.

Emotions: Wonderful. I really liked the moments you showed them supporting each other. I think you did well with McGonagall showing her caring and supportive side through giving Lupin biscuits, and his affection for her showed in him accepting them. Their friendship was really beautiful and I loved it.

Overall, I think this was splendid. Well done! 'Claws for the Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review, Educational Decree #7)

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Review #16, by DracoFerret11Apparition Gone Wrong: Apparition Can Be Difficult

10th July 2014:
Hello there! I thought I'd check this story out and leave a review. So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was interesting. At the beginning, I didn't expect how the rest of the story would go. The apparation lesson seemed very standard until Neville disappeared. I was glad he was okay! (Even if he got illogically stuck in a toilet.) I was surprised they broke into Snape's office! That was both bold and pretty stupid of them. At least they didn't get caught (yet).

Characterization: This was a bit weird for me. Harry, I think, was the closest to believable. Neville was decent too. Ron was a bit too goofy and off-kilter to me, though, and Hermione's dialogue felt rather stilted. Since this story relied heavily on dialogue, it was hard to get the mannerisms of the characters down, so I couldn't really get adjusted to your versions of them.

Descriptions: Again, since there's so much dialogue, I couldn't really experience much of the story. I couldn't see, hear, smell, feel, etc. the settings and characters, so maybe some more details could help.

This was funny and unique, so good job on those aspects! The characterization felt off, but if you ever wanted to edit this, maybe that could be something you work on. Overall, good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review, Educational Decree #7)

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Review #17, by DracoFerret11Recipe for Disaster: A Recipe for Disaster

10th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: The only error that I caught was near the end where you wrote, "her mouth gapping open" instead of "gaping open."

Plot: What an adorable story idea! I loved it. The image of Dumbledore and Dobby cooking together is so cute, and you did a great job capturing the mood of the whole scenario. Well done!

Characterization: Great job with Minerva. She really seemed to be spot-on in her characterization. She was stern and fed up and really just lovely. As for Dobby and Dumbledore: perfect! Dumbledore was so goofy and eccentric. I loved it.

Descriptions: I could really see that scene in the kitchen with Dumbledore dressed in such silly attire and all the elves in fear for their lives. It was almost like a movie playing out in my mind. Good job!

This was very sweet and funny, and I'm glad that I read it. Well done and good luck to Gryffindor in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review, Educational Decree #7)

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Review #18, by DracoFerret11Of Bat Boogey Hexes and Detentions: Repercussions

10th July 2014:
Hello there! I was in a mood to read some McGonagall stories for the latest House Cup challenge, so here I am! Let's go over things:

Plot: This was an interesting idea for a story. I liked that it featured McGonagall, though the premise itself was a bit bizarre. It was weird to think of Seamus and Ginny getting into a fight! Why, though, is he still at Hogwarts when Dean and Harry aren't? He's in their year, so I'm a little confused.

Characterization: I think you captured Ginny's fire well. She would definitely hex someone for implying she was promiscuous. I was surprised she acted embarrassed around McGonagall, though. I would expect her to be bolder. Seamus I didn't mind too much. He didn't have many lines, so I don't think he had the chance to be out of character. McGonagall was a bit bizarre. I liked her talking about enforcing rules, but I just couldn't imagine her hugging a student. Hmm.

Descriptions: I didn't get many details here about how things looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc. I would have liked to be able to experience the story more, rather than just reading it.

Overall, I think this was pretty cute. Some of the characters seemed a bit off, but the premise worked, and it was pretty well written. Well done!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review, Educational Decree #7)

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Review #19, by DracoFerret11Coming to an End: Until the End

9th July 2014:
Hello there! I'm currently stalking Dramione stories and I came across yours. So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I did notice a few grammar and/or spelling issues. They weren't major, so I think a slow read-through would help you spot and correct them.

Plot: I've written a similar story (ish) to this, so it was a nice read for me. I liked that you framed their relationship all the way back in fourth year, but I still wasn't quite sure why Draco liked her at all or why he put himself out there to comfort her. I just needed some sort of explanation for his change of heart, but the story didn't give me one. I liked the final battle. I think you did a good job increasing the tension and showing their relationship, and the ending was so sad. Good job.

Characterization: Again, I needed more information about this relationship before I was going to buy it. Draco was sweet, but it just seemed out of character. Hermione was quite good though. Voldemort was a little off. I don't know if he would have the capacity to recognize what love is and really even grasp that connection. I guess he could have read Draco's mind and figured it out that way, but that wasn't really explained so I wasn't quite sure how he knew about their relationship from one glance.

Descriptions: I didn't get too many details about how things looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc. I wish I could have experienced the final battle with that much intensity, but I couldn't really BE there with so few concrete things to ground me in the story.

Emotions: I really felt Draco's sorrow at Hermione's death, but I struggled to really see their love. Maybe the story was too short to give us that insight, but I think it's important for readers to feel their love, and it didn't really come across for me.

Pacing/Flow: This was a bit odd. We started in fourth year with no explanation of their affections, then just jump right into the battle. Then Harry defeats Voldemort in one sentence and suddenly it's been a year. Maybe working on some of those transitions would smooth things out.

Overall, I thought this was sweet and sad. A few tweaks here and there could really make it great. I hope my constructive criticism helps! Well done!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. First off I agree with everything you say.

This was an assignment for my creative writing class and it couldn't be anymore than five pages. With that, I had to cut down on a lot of things and I honestly just never went back to expand my ideas!

When I'm not so busy with work and such I'll rewrite this, but for now it is that way it is because I had an idea and just wanted to get it out there.

Thank you again!!

Tori x


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Review #20, by DracoFerret11The Unveiling: The Unveiling

9th July 2014:
Hello there! I took a break from the other story to check this out. So, let's go over things:

Let's start by first saying that I'm crying. I am absolutely crying right now, tearing running down my face. Fantastic, amazing job.

Plot: At first, I was so confused about how the wizarding world had progressed in such a long time. I couldn't believe how old Draco had gotten, and his speech showed so much of his character through the years. When he explained his love for Hermione, I knew it was coming, but it was still so sweet. And when he said he loved her and always would, I started crying. Actually, it was probably before that. I have no idea. His end was so peaceful and lovely, but I'm still so sad. This was gorgeous. Well done.

Characterization: I think you captured Draco so well. His frustration at the world was perfect and so believable. I loved that he explained his story and was honest about his love. He was so proud of being hers. Beautiful. And he was so tired. I can only imagine...I really just can't stop being sad about how splendid this whole story was. I only wish they'd had more time together.

Descriptions & Emotions: Your details about the library and their memories and their emotions were absolutely lovely. Seeing Hermione and Draco's love through so many different moments was fabulous. I wish I knew how their relationship started to begin with, though. But everything he felt -- his anger at the world, his love for Hermione, his exhaustion at not being with her -- it was all so real. I could imagine sitting in that press conference when he gave that speech. I'm floored.

The ending of this was so beautiful. Seeing Hermione and Draco finally together was heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. I don't know what else to write because I can't really see through my tears. Just...wow. Know that I rarely cry during stories and feel proud of yourself. :) Thank you for this. Well done.

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #21, by DracoFerret11The Lonely Hearts : Chapter 3

9th July 2014:
Me again!

Plot: Hmmm. Well, let's see! I felt that the beginning of the chapter was a bit rushed up until the Sorting Hat's song. It was rather quick and a bit jarring. The song itself was quite nice, though! I don't know how I feel about this seventh years' dormitory thing...It's unique, but I also can't figure out exactly why it would be necessary. I really felt like I needed an explanation for that. The common room/dormitory itself was a bit cliche with its furnishings, and I really didn't like that Hermione has "her own" house elf. I can't imagine she would like that either! It just doesn't sit right with me for some reason. I can't wait to hear more about this Christmas ball. That has the potential to end up cliche, but hopefully it won't. I'm excited about it, either way.

Characterization: Hermione was more civil in this chapter which I liked a lot. But Draco is back to being rude, so I don't know what to think of that. I LOVE that Mr. Weasley is now the Muggle Studies professor. I absolutely LOVE that. I think he would be so good. I hope we get to see more of him. I was a little surprised by Ginny's reaction, though. It seemed pretty selfish, when her family has just gone through a tragedy, to want her dad to go away. Just...rather juvenile again.

Descriptions: I liked that you spent some time describing the new seventh year dorms. I wonder how they'll work out (and why they're there at all ;) ). I think it will be interesting to see how living together changes the dynamic between Houses and whatnot.

Emotions: Hermione was rather flat in this chapter. I didn't see a lot of happiness/excitement/sadness/anything from her. I don't know if that was intentional, but it made it a bit difficult to connect with her.

So far, things are interesting. I hope my constructive criticism doesn't come off too mean! If so, please let me know and I'll tone it down. On to the next chapter!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #22, by DracoFerret11The Lonely Hearts : Chapter 2

9th July 2014:
Hello again!

Grammar/Spelling: Same as last chapter, I caught a few errors. The one that I'll point out here, though, is in Xeno's Quibbler article, at the end it says, "Think you might have the rare gift of seeing Aurors?" when that should read "auras." :)

Plot: Good development in the plot. I'm sure that aura thing will come back later. ;) This chapter was short, but it differentiated this story from other Dramiones in some ways. We don't normally see Luna have any "screen-time," and Draco is being very odd. We'll see how it goes.

Characterization: I think Hermione was a bit bizarre in this chapter. Her conversation with Luna about auras was in-character, but her shouting at Draco at the beginning was rather odd. He hadn't really done anything, and you would think her opinion of him would have changed after the war. I really think that should be explained, because I was left quite confused. Also, at the end, her name-calling seems quite juvenile. I would have expected her to be more mature. As for Draco, he was so flip-floppy! At the beginning, he snaps at Hermione to keep her nose out of his business, but by the end, he's being quite calm and polite. Whaaat? If that wasn't intentional, it's very misleading/confusing. But Luna was perfect if it's any consolation. :)

Descriptions: I didn't get very many details in this chapter. I couldn't really experience the scenes, so maybe more on how things look, sound, feel, smell, etc. could help.

Emotions: Hermione seems so angry with Draco! But...why? What's he done recently that makes her so vicious? And does she have flashbacks to parts of "Deathly Hallows" where she suffered or was tortured or any of that? I just need to understand where she's coming from, if that makes sense.

This story's pacing is good so far and it's flowing nicely. Some clarification on the things above would help, but other than that, I think you're moving along nicely.

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #23, by DracoFerret11The Lonely Hearts : Chapter 1

9th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D Someone mentioned this story in a status conversation about Dramione, so I figured I would give it a read. So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few issues that I noticed throughout the chapter, mostly spelling things, but a few grammar errors as well. Perhaps a slow read-through would help you to catch them.

Plot: Well, as many Hogwarts-era Dramiones begin, we start with Hermione as Head Girl (my own Dramione begins this way as well). That's a predictable appointment (hilariously, the title of my first chapter), but I think that it would almost not make sense for some other girl to be chosen. You've breezed by the more difficult aspects of life after the war, which I suppose we don't have to linger on, but it might be nice to acknowledge more openly the effect that the war had on Hermione. Maybe that will come in later. :) And Draco is Head Boy (for some reason)! Oh dear. I'm sure that's not going to work out happily. We'll see!

Characterization: I think you wrote Hermione accurately. She seemed in-character, deciding to go back to Hogwarts (as we know from JKR that she actually did). Her dialogue was a bit stilted, though. It just seemed awkward when she spoke with Mrs. Weasley and Harry and Ginny. I read her lines aloud, and I think I can see where you were going with them, but they just sound a bit...off.

Descriptions: I didn't get many details about the settings, characters, etc., but I did really like the scene where her trip to Diagon Alley is mentioned. I always wonder about the attention the trio would have gotten after the war, and you're dealing with that well. I'm interested to see if it plays in again.

Emotions: As I mentioned before, we get a sort of "show don't tell" moment when it comes to Hermione's emotions. We're told she's sad and a bit disappointed that Harry and Ron won't be returning to Hogwarts, but I can't really SEE that sadness. And I don't know how the war has affected her or how she feels about many things in general. Rather than telling us she felt excited when she went through the barrier, SHOW us. Describe how she bounces on the balls of her feet a bit or how a smile spreads across her face without her bidding it, etc. Just something so we can see these changes in the character.

So far, so good. I'll continue reading and see where this story takes me! Well done and good luck to Hufflepuff in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #24, by DracoFerret11Any Port in a Storm: Any Port in a Storm

9th July 2014:
I'm running out of stories of yours to read in a short span of time! Oh dear! (I'll probably go troll Dramione stories after this, though, so that's positive. ;) )

So, on with it! Okay. I'm starting by changing my mind about "The Thing with Feathers." That's going to have to be my second favorite thing you've written, because this is definitely my favorite. It was absolutely beautiful and amazing. This review might just be me gushing over it. It's going in my favorites for sure.

Okay, whenever there are lines in a story that just stand out because they're so flawless, I like to mention them to the author. Here, the ones I'm thinking of are: "She had no expectation of winning this fight. She stayed in it because she needed to be able to live with herself." Ah! That's so poetic and depressing and realistic. I hate it and I love it at the same time. Perfect. The other one is: "Marlene McKinnon was as cold as ice, and she had no interest in melting." Again, perfect. I can't justify these with my stupid rambling. They were just amazing.

Plot: I absolutely adored this (yes, I've mentioned that, but I'm going to again). I loved it. I think the setting was so clear and precise, and I could imagine this storm and how it affected people. It's horribly cold, but in that cold comes solace. However, it's a solace that I don't really think that Marlene believes. She keeps trying to convince herself that the Death Eaters won't be coming for her in the storm. That repetition showed perfectly the uncertainty and paranoia of life in a war zone. I really think you did a fantastic job. Well done.

Characterization & Emotions: Marlene was perfect. I loved her worries and nostalgia and paranoia. They all worked so well for the setting and scenario, and I could just feel everything that she was feeling. Your Marlene broke my heart. This story shows the reality of war in a very realistic way. Bravo. (Definitely recommending this in Quality Stories on the forums too, by the way.)

Descriptions: I think you did such a good job describing the storm that it almost became a character unto itself. Marlene's reliance on its winds and snow were almost unhealthy, but so so true to her circumstances. The storm is both her enemy and her savior, and I loved that. I couldn't actually picture Marlene or Gideon, but I almost didn't notice because their setting had come to life so well.

Interactions: Marlene's desperate attempts to stay distant from others were so sad. I could see how she wanted to keep her own heart safe from breaking, but she really did need and want the comfort that Gideon could provide. I love that he knew she needed him and he wasn't going to abandon her. He was so sweet. It breaks my heart knowing that both of them don't make it...

Style: The way you wrote this story was poetic. I can't say much besides that. Your prose was spot-on, and your characters came alive on the page. I could feel their emotions and experience this along with them, and that was truly amazing.

Absolutely fantastic job. I loved this, and you did so, so well.

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! This is probably one of the fics I've worked hardest on, so I really appreciate the review and the compliments. ♥ It really is horrible how few people survive the FWW - I like writing about the Marauders era, but sometimes when I do, I'm struck by "Oh my god, virtually all of you will be dead in five years."

Thank you so, so much for this lovely review, and I'm sorry it's taken me entirely too long to respond to it.


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Review #25, by DracoFerret11When a Wizard Grieves: Her Lightning

9th July 2014:
Hello again! This chapter definitely changed things, so let's talk about it:

Plot: WELL. That changed things! Honestly, I was not expecting this. They haven't spoken a word to each other, and this is where the story progresses? Hmm. I just don't know if I buy it. I can definitely see someone in a lot of emotional pain spur-of-the-moment acting like this, but even so, it was just so sudden! I'm glad they slowed things down. That seemed more believable to me. I just can't imagine this happening! Ahh! Suspension of disbelief, come on!

Characterization: I liked Hermione very much in this chapter. I think her anger at Ron and her frustration were very believable. I couldn't believe she really destroyed his portrait, though! I think she'll regret that in the morning. But other than that, I believed her. Her hesitation when they got to the cottage made sense to me. Draco was good here, too, though I can't imagine him suddenly wanting to comfort Hermione by embracing her and kissing her forehead/cheek/lips. I would think he would be more reserved and hesitant. I really liked that he chose to slow down towards the end, though. I think that respect was really nice.

Descriptions: Again, I think you captured the feel of the storm perfectly. The story somehow almost reads like a storm. That makes no sense to see written out, but I'll leave it nonetheless. I think you did a good job describing the scene in the cottage too. It was rushed in a way that made complete sense for the scene. Good job with the writing there!

Emotions: I could still feel Hermione and Draco's pain and heartache in this chapter. I also felt their frustration which was key. That led to the desperation, so I do think it made sense in that aspect. Their desperation to stop feeling pain could definitely drive them into each other's arms. It was just so sudden and so...non-verbal that it jars me out of the story.

Other than my slight discomfort at the quick pace of this story, I did like the chapter! I think writing without dialogue seems VERY difficult and I can't wait to see how you pull off the rest of the story in that same vein. Well done!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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