Reading Reviews From Member: DracoFerret11
  
1,037 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DracoFerret11When a Wizard Grieves: When It Rains, It Pours...

12th July 2014:
Hello for the final time in this story. I'm so happy I read this. It was beautiful and meaningful and really, really lovely. So, let's go over things:

Lines: As I may have said before, I always mention lines when I feel that they're powerful. The one here was: "And without words, asked her to be his wife. And without words, she said yes." That was gorgeous. What a beautiful way to begin their new life together.

Idiosyncrasies: There were a couple of things that didn't make a lot of sense to me. First, when Rose cries in St. Mungo's you say that the lights are flickering, but if they're magical lights, that wouldn't happen. Also, you've called BLAISE Zabini BLADE Zabini. Was that intentional?

Plot: This was really lovely. I'm glad you brought Rose's fate into the story, but I didn't feel it was necessary for her to kiss Blaise at the end. I thought it was implied that they would help each other heal. I didn't think the kiss needed to happen, and it felt too forced to me. I liked Hermione and Draco's progressing relationship, though. Well done! This was such a sweet way to summarize everything that's happened.

Characterization: I think you wrote Hermione and Draco very well. Hermione comforting Rose was very realistic and sweet and moving. Rose herself was great. Her anger was perfect. I really believed that. I've grieved before, and that anger can be so powerful. I'm glad you included it.

Descriptions: I loved the emotional details you added about the rain. I do wonder, though, why it isn't constantly raining if every time someone magical grieves, it rains. But I loved how you wrote this. Well done.

This chapter was so sad and so moving. Hermione's relationship with her daughter was beautiful, and I loved her relationship with Draco. This story was great. Thanks for writing it!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #2, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: A Dramione Thanksgiving Pt. 1 (Hermione)

12th July 2014:
Hello (yet again)! This might be my last review for a little while (life's getting busy), but I wanted to let you know that I liked this chapter!

Plot: I love the idea of Hermione going to Harry & Ginny's for Thanksgiving, though I have to point out that Thanksgiving is an American holiday and wouldn't be celebrated in Britain. Also, where were Mr. and Mrs. Weasley? But I liked the conflict with Lavender and can't believe Ron was such a jerk. I totally don't think he's that sorry about hurting Hermione, and I didn't like that she seemed to believe him either. She says she's moved on? WITH DRACO, PERHAPS? We'll see!

Characterization: I liked Hermione in this chapter (except when she accepted Ron's apology). Ginny was good too, though I can't actually imagine her throwing Lavender out. And Ron was pathetic. Ugh. So annoyed with him. Harry was good, though.

Descriptions: I liked the details you provided about how the house and Hermione looked, though I would have liked to be able to see Lavender and her expressions, as well as Ron/Ginny/etc.

Emotions: Hermione's emotions were a bit confusing here. Is she mad? Is she sad? I couldn't really tell. Some clarification would help!

Overall, this was a good chapter. I liked it and thought the conflicts were interesting. Good job. I'll read more ASAP.

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for such an amazing review. It really helps to hear what would be good to improve on. If I ever go back and re-edit I will be sure to look into some of these specifics.

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Review #3, by DracoFerret11Memory Lane : A Day in Diagon Alley

12th July 2014:
Hello again. I have to say, this chapter was lovely. I really adored it. On to the review:

Plot: I love the idea of Draco and Hermione helping new Muggleborns figure out the magical world. That's so sweet and realistic and perfect. I'm really fond of it. I wish Jane's parents had asked more questions, though. You would think they would be more vocal about their child's future. Other than that, the chapter was great. I actually teared up when Draco said what he did about being a Muggleborn not mattering anymore. That was so sweet and perfect. Great job.

Characterization: Lovely job with Hermione, Draco, and Jane. The parents were too quiet, but Jane was cute. Hermione was, of course, a great source of information, though I wish Draco had had more advice too. But he was really good, and again, I loved what he said about Hermione changing the world.

Descriptions: I wish I could have pictured Jane's expressions and actions better. It would be so stunning being in Diagon Alley for the first time, but we didn't get many details about how the family actually reacted to anything.

This story is moving along so nicely. I really think you're doing this plot justice. Well done and good luck to Hufflepuff in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #4, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: Well This is Awkward (Hermione)

12th July 2014:
Hi again! This might have been one of my favorite chapter so far!

Plot: I liked the idea of Hermione and Draco watching movies together. It's a bit hard to picture since that's such a Muggle thing to do for Draco, but I liked it. Their awkward moment during The Notebook was well-written. Good job. And good job with Draco's attitude after Hermione fainted. I really liked that scene! It was funny and in character. Good job.

Characterization: I think both Hermione and Draco were quite good in this chapter, save for one moment -- why on Earth did Hermione faint? That's a very un-Hermione-ish thing to do, and I really couldn't even understand why it happened. Besides that, though, the characters worked here.

Descriptions: I can't really imagine the layout of the living room where they're watching movies or how close they are together on the couch, etc. Maybe some more details about that could help me picture things better.

So far, so good. I'm glad there's still some awkwardness for them. I think that's very realistic. Good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you for the response.

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Review #5, by DracoFerret11Memory Lane : Wedding plans

12th July 2014:
Hello again! I'm so glad I'm getting back into reading this story! I'm really enjoying it. So, let's go over things:

Plot: I keep forgetting that Lucy exists, sadly. Her friendship with Hermione was never really explained, but I'm always surprised that they HAVE a friendship when their interactions are mainly based out of work. I would think Hermione would be more professional. But anyhow. When she went to Ron's, I thought Juliette was going to be pregnant! But then I remembered the chapter title, haha. So cute, though. I'm glad Ron has someone in his life. And the developments in Hermione and Draco's "friendship," yay! I really love his plan to help out Muggleborns. That's lovely. I can't wait to read on.

Characterization: I definitely think your Hermione is believable. Really, she's so well-written. And Draco is pretty much spot-on (like everyone in this story!). I commend you!

Descriptions: I still don't really have a clear picture of Juliette or Lucy in my mind (that might have been clarified earlier and I've just forgotten), but I can see the other characters. The details you choose to show are quite good and, I like them a lot. You're doing well!

Emotions: The excitement at Ron and Juliette setting a wedding date was a bit muted. I expected something more, though now that I think of it: why are people even excited about dates? That's such a random thing to be happy about. They're already engaged, after all. Haha, maybe I just don't get wedding things!

So far, so good! I like the interactions and the plot a lot. I'll read on ASAP!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #6, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: A Friendship Blooms (Draco)

12th July 2014:
Me again!

Grammar/Spelling: Same as other chapters, I've noticed some grammar and spelling issues. If you could reread these chapters and edit them (or even get a beta reader to help), I think you could improve this story a lot.

Plot: This was an interesting chapter. The time jump was a bit much, though, I think. I might have liked to see more of the arguing and awkwardness that must have been there when they first moved in together. Instead, we skipped that and went straight to the friendship. I liked the friendship, don't get me wrong, but I might have liked to see more of a transition.

Characterization: As for the characters in this chapter...things were a bit strange. Hermione was okay, but Draco was a little weird. Not only was he talking aloud to himself (which would be bizarre in anyone), but he was talking about how much he liked Hermione which I didn't really understand. I don't know what they've gone through or how they've bonded, so it didn't seem justified. Does that make sense?

Emotions: I would have liked to see more about how the two of them were feeling about their new friendship. I kind of understood that Draco was rather hesitant about it, but that was only through his words that I learned that. I would have liked more of a "show don't tell" approach and been able to see that hesitancy or awkwardness.

This chapter threw me off a bit, but I'll continue to read to see if things get back on track. We'll see.

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you for the response.

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Review #7, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: First Day with Draco (Hermione)

12th July 2014:
Hello again. So, let's go over things:

Confusion: The one thing I'm still not quite sure on is how long Hermione and Draco are supposed to stay in this room. It's been alluded to as a long time, but they seem to have accepted that quickly and I can't tell just how long it's going to be.

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed several errors in this chapter again. The one that stuck out was "His growl was mumbled." instead of "muffled." But there were others too.

Plot: Interesting! I wonder how they're going to adjust to living together. So far, you did a good job describing their "house," but I wonder if it's going to seem even smaller if they start getting on each other's nerves. Also, are they somehow monitored while they live there? With cameras or something? Just to clarify. So far, my only "complaint" is that they still seem to be too calm about the whole situation. I would expect more resistance.

Characterization: Hermione was quite good in this chapter, as was Draco. The fact that she's already attracted to Draco is a bit strange though. To her, he's still a jerk. I would clarify that somehow if possible.

This story's pacing is rather good so far, and the plot is interesting. I'm eager to see how it pans out and hope that their personalities don't change too much for the sake of the story. We'll see!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #8, by DracoFerret11Memory Lane : Bad timing, a bedroom and a bathroom

12th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few places here where you missed things like apostrophes, but I think a slow read-through would help you spot those, and none of them were overly distracting.

Plot: I'd read the first five chapters of this story a long time ago, so I skimmed them before continuing, and I have to say that I think this is my favorite so far. I like that the story is progressing, and Hermione and Draco are slowly learning more about each other. The pacing is great. I love that things aren't moving too fast.

Characterization: I think you did a great job here with Hermione and Draco. Their indignation at the beginning was perfect, and the scene in Hermione's memory was really sweet. I loved that she wanted to explain things to her younger self, but I'm really glad that she couldn't. That naivety shouldn't be broken without really good cause. I do wonder, though, (randomly) how Hermione was able to touch a bathrobe in the memory. That didn't make any sense to me whatsoever.

Descriptions: I really liked the details you added about the Quidditch game and Hermione's childhood bedroom. I could also see their facial expressions, so that's good too.

Emotions: I really liked how you expressed Hermione's emotions in her memory. The juxtaposition of crying adult-Hermione and excited young-Hermione was lovely. Great job.

Interactions: I really liked the conversation Hermione and Draco had in the memory. I think it shows that they're capable of understanding each other better, and I can't wait to see how that progresses.

I'm glad I'm getting back into reading this. Good job on this chapter! Well done and good luck to Hufflepuff in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #9, by DracoFerret11When a Wizard Grieves: "P.S. It's Raining."

12th July 2014:
Hello again! Sorry for the delay. So, let's go over things:

I'll start by mentioning the one part I found odd: in this chapter. You mention near the beginning that Draco "knew her very well," but there's not really any prior hinting towards that, and without an explanation that just seems rather random.

Plot: I really liked this chapter. The beginning was very sweet when he left her the roses before he went home. I thought it was very believable for him to leave and stay away for a couple of weeks. That made a lot of sense considering their circumstances. And when Hermione wrote him the letter the "P.S. It's raining." line was so powerful. The steady rain when he arrived was so symbolic of the change she'd made in her life by taking off the ring. That was just really gorgeous. It tore at my heart. Great job. And your love scene was very sweet and tasteful. I commend you!

Characterization: I think that you hit Hermione and Draco's characters perfectly. Draco trying to stay away because he didn't want to hurt her; Hermione needing him but not knowing quite how to say it. Perfect. They mesh very well in this story, and I love the relationship you've created between them.

Descriptions: Again, you've done such a lovely job with your details. I'm so impressed by how much I feel like I'm experiencing this story alongside the characters. Really lovely.

The emotions in this story are so raw and realistic, and your writing is so poetic. I really love it and can't wait to finish this story. Well done and good luck to Slytherin in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #10, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: A Nightmare Come True (Draco)

12th July 2014:
Hello again!

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a lot of instances where you accidentally left letters off of words. I would suggest you read through this chapter to catch and fix those misspellings.

Plot: What a twist! This was unexpected, but I'm really excited to see where it goes. This chapter kept me reading, and I'll definitely continue ASAP. Draco and Hermione sharing an apartment? That's bound to get...interesting. It feels a little uncomfortable that the Ministry is pretty much using them as lab rats, though.

Characterization & Emotions: Hermione was pretty good in this chapter, as was Draco, but I didn't feel the proper outrage that I would expect from them after receiving their assignment. Draco only considered refusing it for a split second, despite his prejudices against Muggleborns, and Hermione in particular. Hermione barely reacted to the news at all! Their responses just didn't feel realistic.

Descriptions: Again, I didn't get many details about how things looked, sounded, felt, smelled, etc., and I would have liked that. It would bring this story to life more.

I'll continue reading soon. Well done here.

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #11, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: The Battle

12th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few issues here and there with apostrophe-usage mostly. A slow read-through might help you to spot and fix those.

Plot: I'm really interested in this story already. The summary was intriguing and I've been meaning to check this out for a while, so we'll see how things go! The only critique I have for this chapter is that McGonagall asks all fourth-years and above to stay to fight. Fourth years are 13 and 14 years old! Why on earth would she put such young kids in danger. And she didn't seem to imply that they had the choice NOT to fight. Did she force them into battle? EEK. But I liked the ending and am really interested to see what happens next.

Characterization: I think you did a fantastic job portraying Hermione, and I'm glad you didn't gloss over the fear associated with the war. That would be a terrifying situation to be in, and I'm happy that you added that emotion. Her conversation with Ginny seemed a bit forced and sudden, though, but other than that, I liked her. Draco seemed on point too, though I didn't quite get enough to judge him. So far, so good, there.

Descriptions: I liked the details about the battle and how the fighting was going. I could see how dramatic things are which I liked a lot.

Emotions: Hermione's fear, as I mentioned, was great. I couldn't really discern what Draco was thinking a lot of the time, but I did like that he seemed uncertain about the whole situation. I imagine he would be feeling quite confused after everything he's gone through.

Pacing: I think this is moving along nicely. This was a good opening chapter and it's captured my attention so that I'll read on ASAP.

So far, well done, and good luck to Gryffindor in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #12, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: A Visit to the Pool (Hermione)

12th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I only noticed one obvious error where you wrote, "a head to big for his body" instead of "too big."

Plot: Another interesting chapter! I wonder how things will go from here. Hermione's brief conversation with Draco was just tense enough. I liked it. And her conversation with Ginny was just heated enough (maybe a BIT too much on Ginny's part). Overall, I liked it. We'll see how things keep progressing!

Characterization: I think you did a good job writing for Hermione. She worked well in this chapter and was believable. Draco was also good from what I saw of him. Ginny was a bit strange. She got REALLY mad unexpectedly, and her line at the end about not wanting Hermione "involved" with Draco was a bit bizarre.

Descriptions & Emotions: I wish I'd had more details in this chapter. Some of the more interesting moments felt glossed over, and I didn't get too much depth on any of the characters' feelings. It might help to add some of that.

So far, so good. A few tweaks here and there would help, but I'm still with this story. Reading on!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #13, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: The Mudblood Visits (Draco)

12th July 2014:
Hello again! Let's go over chapter two!

Odd moments: There were only two things that stuck out to me in this chapter. One, Draco's sudden realization that he was dreaming about Hermione. That seemed so out of the blue and unexpected. How did he come to that conclusion and why was he so sure? The second this was that he told his house elf to bring Hermione to him. How, exactly, is the elf going to do that? That sounds a bit like kidnapping, and I don't feel like Hermione would just go to Draco's house for the fun of it. Final side note: the house elves' names are a bit too...normal? They seem more human that elfish if that makes sense.

Grammar/Spelling: The only issue that stuck out was in this sentence: "He never let anything Draco say bother him." where "say" should be "said."

Plot: Okay! So we have a Draco-chapter! I thought this was interesting. His choice to go swimming was a bit odd and out there, but it didn't jar me from the story. I do wonder, though, why there was a boat in a pool. And I'm especially interested to see how Hermione reacts to being at Malfoy Manor.

Characterization: I liked that Draco was still snappish here. His treatment of the elves indicated to me that he was very in character as we know him in the book. He was still sassy-Draco, and I liked that a lot.

Descriptions: I think you did a good job in this chapter of showing Malfoy Manor and Draco's actions. I could follow everything going on. Good job!

So far, so good! I'll read on.

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #14, by DracoFerret11Tough Times: A Rude Awakening (Hermione)

12th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Odd: There were a few parts of this chapter that didn't make too much sense to me. First, why does Hermione have an address book? That's an odd thing to carry and her entries didn't make much sense. That information really didn't add anything to the chapter. The next thing was when Hermione thought she would "call Ginny." Why wouldn't she Floo her or just apparate to her house? Why would Ginny have a phone? These are just things I need information about to clarify this setting and everything. :) Next thing that just stood out strangely was when the dialogue tag after Hermione tells Ginny that Ron cheated on her. The tag says that she "squealed." That just doesn't fit her words, you know? And finally, Hermione wakes up at three am and thinks that she'll be expected to be awake in "two hours." Who wakes up at five am?

Okay, I hope that didn't sound too harsh right off the bat, but I wanted to let you know the things I didn't understand. Things will be more positive soon, I promise! :)

Grammar/Spelling: Only a few errors here!
1) "You can stay with me a Harry" where "a" should be "an"
2) "reccomend the medium mint..." where it should be "recommend."
3) "apperated a block away" where it should be "apparated"

Plot: Okay! So, I actually really liked the beginning here. This was very well-written, and I can't wait to read more. I think you accomplished the introduction very well. I'm interested in the story already! Of course, I've read "Ron cheats with Lavender" stories, but I still like the idea and will read on.

Characterization: I liked Hermione's character a lot. I think the fact that she kept her cool and got out of the apartment before she did something drastic was very realistic. I also liked her relationship with Ginny. Ginny was well-written and believable and a very good friend. I was a bit confused when Hermione thought about the fact that she'd heard Harry snoring in the forest four years ago? What was that about? But we didn't really see Harry in this chapter so I'm not sure what to think of him yet. :) Ginny and Hermione were good though, well done!

Descriptions: I didn't get a lot of details about the settings or characters (how they looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc.), but I didn't mind too much in this chapter. In future chapters, I might, though. I'll let you know.

Emotions: I wish I could have seen more about how Hermione felt when she learned that Ron was cheating on her. She seemed angry and sad only for a moment, and then she was hoping that her intern was attractive. She just got over it too quickly, you know?

Overall, I really liked this chapter! I hope this review didn't sound too harsh. I'm going to read on and let you know what I think! :)

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.


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Review #15, by DracoFerret11Teach Me About Amortentia: Teach Me About Amortentia

12th July 2014:
Hello there! Here I am bingeing on Dramiones for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: The only obvious errors that I noticed were where you wrote, "Oh, she already said that." instead of "he," and where you wrote "be my Valentine's" instead of "Valentine."

Plot: This was rather interesting. I liked that it wasn't actually a traditional romance, but it did have some elements of a romance. Hermione's ruse was quite clever, but I felt like she took it too far at the end when she was threatening his life. That didn't seem like something Hermione would ever do. I liked the idea of this story, though.

Characterization: As I mentioned, Hermione was a bit out of character. I liked Draco, but he was also a bit off. He was rather spastic and panicky. But I did like his affection for Hermione and how much he was trying to hide it. I still hope he decides to go for Astoria, though. I don't know why, I just didn't feel like this Hermione would be a good match for him.

Descriptions: I liked the way you detailed what they smelled in the potion. That was very distinct. I wish I could have seen the characters a bit better though. Most of the settings came across, but the characters and their expressions and mannerisms were rather vague.

Overall, I think this was pretty good. As I said, I liked that it was rather nontraditional. Draco keeping his worries about liking Hermione a secret was very realistic. Good job with this!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: HI THERE! ^o^

First off, thanks for reviewing. It is always helpful to read from readers.

I tend to overlook things like grammar when I'm reading b/c it's my own writing which is why they always suggest to have someone else read it for you. So, thanks a ton for pointing out those mistakes. I will have to fix that.

Hermione was a little out of character. I have to agree because canon Hermione would have told on Draco immediately or dished out detention or something of the sort of proper punishment. But somehow I wanted it to work so I had to tweak her character a bit.

Also thanks for complimenting the detailing, I spent some time, deciding the detailing of the potion. Glad to see it was noticed!

Anyway, thanks so much for taking your time to R&R! =D


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Review #16, by DracoFerret11mystify.: mystify.

11th July 2014:
Hello there! First of all, I'd like to say that your banner is BEAUTIFUL. And the story was so sweet. So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few errors, but the ones that stuck out to me were, "opening a draw to his right" instead of "drawer," and "carefully placing his tombs" instead of "tomes."

Plot: I really loved that this story centered around books. I think it was a perfect scenario for Hermione to fall in love, and I think you paced it out very well. I loved their sessions of reading books together and the respect and admiration it fostered in them. Good job!

Characterization: I definitely think you hit Hermione's character on the head. She was just sassy enough at the beginning (side note: at first, I thought it was the HOGWARTS library, so maybe clarify that somehow, unless it already was clarified and I'm just dumb). Her progression to respect for Draco and his books was lovely. He was cold enough at the beginning and warm enough at the end without me ever questioning his change.

Descriptions: I would have liked a few more details about how things looked, sounded, felt, smelled, etc. We have a few instances of that, but I really wanted to be able to feel like I was there in the library, and I didn't always feel that way.

Emotions: I liked their growing affection. I didn't feel like it was too fast, and I think you justified it well. Good job!

Overall, I liked this a lot. Good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #17, by DracoFerret11Told You So: Told You So

11th July 2014:
Hello there! I just found this during my Dramione binge reading day. I'm so happy to have read this. I liked it a lot. So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was so sweet. I think I might even add it to my favorites. I loved that the story centered around Narcissa rather than Draco and Hermione. That was an interesting choice, and I think you did it justice. The one thing I wasn't too sure of was the mention of Lucius looking for work -- ANY work, for that matter, not just with Muggles -- since they have a fortune and he's never worked before. Why on Earth would he start now? Other than that, I liked the progression of the story and think it was very sweet.

Characterization: I think you hit Narcissa's character on the head. She was very realistic and, I think her reactions to Draco lying to her and to his relationship at the end were perfect. I loved that she cared so much about her son that she would overlook the fact that she didn't approve of his girlfriend for the sake of his happiness. Draco himself was good too. I was a bit confused when he told his mother "You were right about her," though. What was that supposed to mean? And Hermione, though we didn't see much of her was nice.

Descriptions & Emotions: I absolutely loved when you showed the pictures of Draco and Hermione. I could imagine each of those and really see the happiness they felt, which was wonderful. And I could experience Narcissa's frustration before that and haughty acceptance afterwards. Draco's sadness came across too. Overall, the details you provided really helped me to get into this story. Great job.

Interactions: I could definitely believe that Draco would lie to his mother for the sake of building his relationship with Hermione. And I loved when Narcissa's attitude towards Draco changed from fed up to pitying. I could see that and understand it, and it really worked for me. Well done!

Overall, I liked this a lot. It was really sweet, and I'm glad I read it. Good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #18, by DracoFerret11Begin Again: On a Wednesday..

11th July 2014:
Hello there! I'm on a Dramione reading binge, so, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few errors here and there, but the only one that was distracting was right near the end where you've written "You have more than amazing the past eight months" instead of "You have BEEN more..."

Plot: This was a sweet songfic. I haven't read a songfic in a long time, but I liked this one. I would caution you, however, against directly replicating the actions in the song in the story. If you do that, it starts to feel a bit repetitive. But I liked the date that they went on and felt that it was both sweet and realistic. I would have liked to see flashbacks of how they really became friends in the office before this point, but I did like what you put down here.

Characterization: I liked Hermione. I think her nerves and shyness were both in character. Draco was sweet, but a bit overly so without the justification of why he's changed. And Ron cheating on Hermione didn't seem too realistic to me. Other than that, good job!

Descriptions: I wish we'd had more details about what the setting and characters looked like, smelled like, sounded like, felt like, etc. As it was, I couldn't really experience the story. Instead, I felt like I was just reading it without much context to make it more realistic.

Emotions: Good job with Hermione's nerves. Draco was a little too sweet, though. Like I mentioned before, I wish you could justify just why he'd changed. At the beginning, Hermione mentions that he used to be her enemy, but we don't really hear how he's changed.

Interactions: I did think that the two of them were quite sweet together. I'm obsessed with this pairing, so that's a big part of it as well.

Overall, well done. A few tweaks here and there and this could be even better!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #19, by DracoFerret11An Invitation on Valentines Day: An Invitation on Valentines Day

11th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Confusion: I'll start with the one part that I didn't quite understand. Namely, why is FEBRUARY their last month in school? That just doesn't make sense. And why are they having a party in the Great Hall to begin with? Some clarification would help.

Plot: This was quite a sweet story. I really liked that it wasn't all about romance. It was good to see a story more about friendship than about love on Valentine's Day. Hermione and Draco were a lot different than I normally read them, but I didn't mind. Well done!

Characterization: Hermione's personality was very dry in this story, and I loved it. Her sassiness was lovely, and Draco's humor was fantastic. Even though they were much friendlier than I would expect, I liked the banter between them so much that I didn't mind if they were a bit OOC.

Emotions: I think that Hermione's sadness about her grandma was a bit too glossy-over. I liked that she wasn't happy about Valentine's Day, but she didn't seem too sad either. I think delving more into that would help solidify her character. As for Draco, we never really got an explanation for why he didn't want to be around other people on Valentine's Day. He didn't explain it that well, but I wish he had. It would have been nice to understand just why they were feeling the way they were feeling.

I liked the way that Hermione and Draco talked to each other, and I loved that this was a less traditional story about Valentine's Day. Overall, well done! I liked this. :)

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #20, by DracoFerret11The Last Kiss : Heart-Broken

11th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was an interesting story! I like these in-the-moment kinds of plots where there isn't much time to explain things. I like that you showed a reasonable situation for how Hermione would feel if she found out that Draco had betrayed her. Well done.

Characterization: I think your Hermione was amazing. I really liked that she lost her patience with Draco. Her anger was so justified and realistic. Draco was good too. I liked that he got angry, but I especially liked that he kissed her to calm her down. I would have thought she would resist more, though. Overall, I think they both worked in the context of the story.

Descriptions: I would have liked more details about the setting, to be honest. I would have liked to be able to see, hear, feel, smell, etc. the scene and really experience the story. I can imagine that, with a battle going on, things would be quite dramatic, and the sounds of spells being fired and screaming would echo through the halls. It might smell like smoke or sweat. The halls would probably be really dark and scary. Etc.

Emotions: Good job writing for Hermione in all her sadness and anger, as well as Draco's self-loathing and disappointment.

Overall, I think you definitely wrote this well. Well done!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #21, by DracoFerret11Scars: Scars

11th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was sweet story! I liked how you set up their friendship. The brief explanation was enough for this story, though I still wish I'd had more information. The one problem I had with the plot was that it seemed to suddenly change about halfway through. Rather than Hermione comforting Draco or him comforting her, suddenly they were leaping all over each other, and the mood completely changed. It didn't make much sense, and I can't say I really liked that.

Characterization: I could believe that Hermione would go to comfort her friend when he was upset. That made sense. And Draco's self-loathing also made sense. The ending, however, just came out of left field for me. I could believe a kiss between them, but then they were all over each other and Draco was seducing her and...it just really didn't sit right with me. The things leading up to it didn't justify that scene.

Descriptions: I didn't really feel like I got enough details in this chapter to really experience the story. I wasn't able to see, hear, smell, feel, etc. the surroundings or characters or any of that. Those details would have helped me, though, so perhaps adding them in could help.

Emotions: I liked Hermione and Draco's emotions in this story. I think his self-loathing made sense, and her support was very sweet. Their sudden romance was the only part that didn't make much sense.

For the most part, I liked the story. It moved too quickly, in my opinion, but I liked the premise. Good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #22, by DracoFerret11Fear : Bogart

10th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was so sad and moving. I'd never read anything quite like it, and I really liked it. The idea of Hermione suffering from amnesia is so interesting and unique. And the way Draco handles it is so sad. I almost thought of "The Notebook" throughout this. Either way, you did a great job creating a different and well-written story.

Characterization & Emotions: I think you did a lovely job writing for Draco. His Bogart is so realistic. I would be terrified of being forgotten by the people I love too. That's awful. And his emotions really came out through this writing. I could sense his sadness and disappointment in what had happened, and his depression and harmful thoughts towards the end were really powerful. Great job with showing everything he's feeling without overwhelming readers.

Descriptions: I didn't get many details about the settings or characters (i.e. how things looked, sounded, smelled, felt, etc.), but I actually didn't mind. I think the emotions were what mattered here, and those worked well for me. So, overall, this category went well!

I think what struck me the most about this story was just how sad it made me feel. Your ability to grasp the tragedy of semi-permanent amnesia and show how it affected the people around Hermione was lovely. I really felt for Draco by the end of it. Really good job.

Good luck to Slytherin in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

Author's Response: Hi again! I feel very privileged to have received two amazing reviews from you. I've never seen 'the Notebook' but I shall note it down to watch, as you have piqued my interest. I'm very thankful for your comments, they are truly lovely. I don't always put enough emotions into my writing (as you picked up in Encounter) so it's nice to know this story was an improvement in that area, even if lacking slightly in detail. Thank you very much for reviewing Emily, it's great to know what you thought :)
Lottie


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Review #23, by DracoFerret11Lights Out: Lumos.

10th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was a really cute story. I have such a soft spot for Dramione. I liked how this started really slowly and built up. That flow and pacing worked really well for me. The fact that it all started with a book was perfect, and by the end they were kissing and I was really happy for them. I liked that you put that off until the end. That way it meant more when it finally happened.

Characterization & Interactions: I don't think you deviated too much from Draco and Hermione's characters for the sake of this story. As I mentioned before, I like that this started with a book -- very loyal to Hermione's character. I also liked how slowly they moved. That was realistic to me. And their interactions were sweet and believable. I loved the friendship you created between them. Well done.

Descriptions: I didn't get too many details about how the settings or characters looked, sounded, felt, smelled, etc., but I actually didn't mind in this story. I think the emotions were what was more important, and you did a great job of showcasing them.

Emotions: I loved the nervousness that Hermione and Draco felt at the beginning of the story. I wish I could have seen more about how that developed and changed into their friendship, though. The ending was sweet, and I liked the kiss. It was very meaningful. Good job!

Overall, this was really sweet. Well done and good luck to Slytherin in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #24, by DracoFerret11Have a Biscuit, Lupin: Have a Biscuit, Lupin

10th July 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! I've been looking forward to reading this since it won Event 3, and now I have a chance! So, let's go over things:

Confusing Sentence: I'll just start with the one part that didn't quite make sense to me. When Remus goes to McGonagall's office after Harry's Patronus lesson, it says that he passes Wood who looks upset, but then after he enters the office, McGonagall says, "Wood, that's my final answer" or something similar. But I thought Wood was already walking down the hall. Maybe some clarification could help there.

Plot: This was a really sweet story. I liked the premise, first of all, with McGonagall constantly comforting Lupin with sweets. It's something he does for his students, and she does for him, and there's something sort of poetic about that. I also liked the moments you chose to showcase. It was a great summary of third year. Well done.

Characterization: Lupin and McGonagall were wonderful. I loved when Minerva hugged Remus. It was so sweet and caring, and we don't frequently see that side of her. I was really happy to read that. And Lupin was exactly right. Literally, you wrote both these characters perfectly. Fantastic.

Descriptions: I liked that the details you chose to showcase were how the cookies looked. That makes a lot of sense for this story. I didn't get many other details about the setting or characters, but I didn't mind since I think you chose the important things to show.

Emotions: Wonderful. I really liked the moments you showed them supporting each other. I think you did well with McGonagall showing her caring and supportive side through giving Lupin biscuits, and his affection for her showed in him accepting them. Their friendship was really beautiful and I loved it.

Overall, I think this was splendid. Well done! 'Claws for the Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review, Educational Decree #7)

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Review #25, by DracoFerret11Apparition Gone Wrong: Apparition Can Be Difficult

10th July 2014:
Hello there! I thought I'd check this story out and leave a review. So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was interesting. At the beginning, I didn't expect how the rest of the story would go. The apparation lesson seemed very standard until Neville disappeared. I was glad he was okay! (Even if he got illogically stuck in a toilet.) I was surprised they broke into Snape's office! That was both bold and pretty stupid of them. At least they didn't get caught (yet).

Characterization: This was a bit weird for me. Harry, I think, was the closest to believable. Neville was decent too. Ron was a bit too goofy and off-kilter to me, though, and Hermione's dialogue felt rather stilted. Since this story relied heavily on dialogue, it was hard to get the mannerisms of the characters down, so I couldn't really get adjusted to your versions of them.

Descriptions: Again, since there's so much dialogue, I couldn't really experience much of the story. I couldn't see, hear, smell, feel, etc. the settings and characters, so maybe some more details could help.

This was funny and unique, so good job on those aspects! The characterization felt off, but if you ever wanted to edit this, maybe that could be something you work on. Overall, good job!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review, Educational Decree #7)

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