Reading Reviews From Member: DracoFerret11
  
1,096 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DracoFerret11Shenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Fred Gets a Girlfriend

23rd July 2015:
Hi Branwen! It's DarkRose from the forums, here for the BvB, team Bronze! :) Let's go over things:

Plot & Characterization: Yay! A new chapter! Not too much happened, I suppose, just some updates on what's been going on behind the scenes, but I liked it nonetheless. I really adore the relationship between Vic and Fred. I think they're such great friends, and I love reading their conversations. I think their minor argument was very authentic. I can totally believe that a conversation like that would occur in that way. Really well done. You've also enticed me to want to know more about their quest to become animagi--and why they can't do it legally.

My only "constructive criticism" is that I have some trouble keeping the OCs straight since I can't picture them very well, and I can't seem to remember who's whose friend, etc. But that might be on me. Just something to mention!

Emotions: Again, that "argument" between Vic and Fred was really great. I think you captured them both so well. I loved reading it.

Descriptions: As I mentioned before, I do have some trouble picturing the different characters. It's hard to keep them all straight. :) So maybe some added details here or there might help.

Overall, I liked this chapter just as I've liked the previous ones! I'm excited to read on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

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Review #2, by DracoFerret11Ice.: Ice.

12th July 2015:
Hi Branwen! It's DarkRose, here for the BvB! So, let's go over things:

Style: I'm not going to lie -- initially I was drawn to this because it was short, and because I wanted to see how you handled the second person POV. I have to say, you handled it masterfully. Really good job showing the complexities of your characterization through that POV. Well done.

Plot: I'm not a huge Lavender-fan, but I think you made her story complex enough that I wanted to just keep reading. (IS SHE THE SECOND IN COMMAND YOU MENTIONED IN SHENANIGANS? -- CONNECTION!) The element of the poly (?) relationship she has with her best friend, as well as the husband, adds another really intriguing aspect to this story. I wanted to know so much more about Lavender and her struggles and her life. Great job.

Characterization/Emotions: I think the bitterness that Lavender clearly has is so believable in the way you've written her. This story has a certain amount of heaviness that I found really authentic. Your style brings out a depth of emotions and humanity that is really interesting to read.

Overall, this was great. I'm becoming obsessed with your writing. Is that a bad thing? Probably not. ;) I'll read more stories soon! Thank you for writing!

Emily (Team Bronze)

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Review #3, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Struggling

11th July 2015:
It's me once more! If you continue this story, please let me know! I would love to read on. So, let's go over this chapter:

Plot: It's always interesting to see what's going on in Voldemort's ranks. I still don't quite understand just WHY he's so obsessed with finding Draco, though. What does Draco have that Voldemort so desperately wants? And I like that Hermione's recovery hasn't been instant. Her frustration is so genuine, and I like that. As for the attack on Mungo's? Ah! I wish I had more to read on with so see what was going to happen!

Characterization: As I said, I think Hermione was really good in this chapter (as she has been for the whole story). She's very realistic in her annoyance at her condition. And I liked Draco too. His friendliness and affection make much better sense now. I don't know if I buy their snuggliness, but I didn't mind it, so I won't complain. ;)

Overall, I think this was another really good chapter. I'm totally excited to see what happens next. As I've said, I'm a huge Dramione fan, and this story has captured my interest. I'm going to keep it on my Reading List, and hopefully you'll update someday! I'm glad I read this! Good job and take care!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #4, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Recovery

11th July 2015:
Hello again! I have a lot more to say on this chapter, so let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a lot of errors in this chapter, especially at the beginning. There were a lot of misplaced apostrophes throughout the chapter, as well as other issues. Also, there were a couple of places where you shifted into present tense instead of past tense. A beta reader or a read through would help you fix these things!

Continuity: One error in continuity was that in the last chapter you say she's been unconscious for three weeks, but in this chapter you say it's been six. Just so you know. :)

Plot: I'm so happy that Hermione is awake! Really! I'm so excited. But I was concerned that Dr. Cartwright seems so different. I hope he isn't a Death Eater or something who's actually hurting her! And I wonder what they're keeping from her! I hope it's nothing terrible, but I've come to expect that bad things might happen throughout this story, haha.

Characterization: I really liked the dialogue between Harry, Ron, and Draco in this chapter. It was funny and believable. I also think that Hermione's confusion was good. I'm weirded out that Dr. Cartwright isn't acting very nice anymore. Maybe he knows she's dying or something. Hm.

Overall, I liked this chapter a lot! I can't believe the next one is the last you've written so far! Hopefully some answers show up! But if not, that's okay too, haha.

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #5, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Empathy

11th July 2015:
Hello again! I'm so excited to review this chapter!

Continuity: Brief continuity issue--you say she's in a coma again, just like the one she'd been in for "three months." But in chapter 2 or whatever, you said they'd only been in a coma for TWO months. Just so you know! :)

Plot & Characterization: I really liked the idea of this chapter. Draco watching over Hermione while she sleeps was really something I've come to expect from his character the way you've written him. And Harry being decent to Draco is also something I believe. I like that Ron didn't talk, since I think it's more realistic that he would be silent if he had to be around Draco. But I think that Harry was really believable here, and the way he tried to make Draco forgive himself was a Harry-like thing to do. Good job.

Emotions: I could really feel Draco's sadness in this chapter. I think his nervousness and despair were really evident and good for the situation. And Hermione's friends' reactions were good too.

So Hermione is awake! They haven't noticed yet, but she's awake! I'm so excited to see what happens next. I wonder how much she's changed because of what she's gone through. And I wonder if she'll still be so sick. If so, there's a long road ahead before the story is resolved!

Reading on!
Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #6, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Darkness

11th July 2015:
Why must you do this to me? Such short chapters stress me out! I have to know what's happening! Ah! Anyway. The chapter:

Plot: So we get a brief glimpse into what's going on with Voldemort. I was surprised when he wanted "the boy," and he wasn't talking about Harry! I have to know whether or not Harry is going to win the war! I totally started this story under the assumption that the final battle had happened and Harry had won. Now I'm so on edge waiting to find out how things will REALLY resolve. And I can't wait to get back to Draco and Hermione and learn whether or not Hermione is going to be okay. I can't believe I only have three chapters left. Are you still writing this? Planning to update? Etc.? Because if I reach the end and have another cliffhanger! Ah! I'll be so stressed out! :)

Characterization: I think Voldemort was believable. His dialogue was a little iffy, but he's so tough to write that I didn't mind. I do question just why he's so obsessed with Draco, though. I get that he's mad that Draco "betrayed" him and "failed" him, but that doesn't seem like enough to totally hunt him down. Doesn't he have more important things to be focusing on? Like Harry and winning the war? Or does Draco somehow impact that? Hm.

We're going to have to see where things go from here! I'll read on and hopefully find out what's happening to Hermione!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #7, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Purgatory

11th July 2015:
Such a short chapter! But we'll go over things nonetheless:

Plot: So we find out that Hermione's been hurt badly enough to have ended up in some sort of purgatory. Ahhh...so sad! But is this really purgatory, or just another coma? Purgatory would mean she's dead, right? So I guess maybe she's not actually in "purgatory," moreso she's just having these visions/hallucinations while she's comatose. Either way, I have to know what happens to her!

Characterization/Emotions: I think you did a good job of showing how Hermione was feeling as the reality of her situation became clearer to her. At first, she's curious. Then she's confused. Then she gets scared, and then upset/angry. I really think that that progression was believable. I would totally be freaking out from the first second, but Hermione is much more rational than I am, haha. I also liked Draco's concern for her, as well as Harry's over-protectiveness. We'll see how they interact (maybe).

Overall, this was a good chapter! It was really short, so I have to keep reading now to learn what's going to happen. I'm sure Hermione will wake up, but I wonder what will have changed while she was out. :O

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #8, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Killing Time

11th July 2015:
It's me again! So, let's go over things:

Formatting: Just a note--at the end of the chapter, the final scene where Hermione is calling Draco to come upstairs, and then she falls, that scene is pasted twice here. So you reread what happened from when she started calling for him. Oops!

Plot: Oh wow! Another cliffhanger, really?! I'm so excited to read on. I like that you subtly added in that Hermione hasn't gotten better, then that came to a climax at the end of this chapter. The formatting issue that I mentioned detracted from how I read the ending here, but I think it was really exciting nonetheless. It was such a shock that she hurt herself so badly! I can't wait to see how Draco deals with this and what happens to Hermione next. And I can't wait to see whether or not Hermione's condition can even improve!

Characterization: Great job with everybody in this chapter. Hermione's studiousness was very canon. Blaise and Pansy were getting better. And Draco was really good here! In particular, I thought the ending where he didn't immediately answer Hermione yelling for him was really believable. I think that's total a Draco-thing to do! He just wanted a minute to himself, and that seemed really authentic to me.

Emotions: Draco's feelings for Hermione are really sweet, despite the fact that I do think they came on a bit quickly. But I liked the subtlety of him watching her sleep, but not wanting to freak her out. That was good!

Overall, I liked this chapter a lot. I'm so excited to see what happens next and how they're going to deal with Hermione's injuries! Ah! Reading on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #9, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: The Truth in The Orchard

11th July 2015:
Hello again! Let's go over things:

"Bleh" Phrases: I don't think I ever really include a category like this, haha, but I thought I should mention -- "full moon eyes" was okay the first time you mentioned it in the story--I actually thought, "huh, that's kind of poetic"--but the second time was a bit too much for me. ;)

Continuity: We have another seasons issue, I think. They're eating apples off a tree, but the snow supposedly just let up today. The apples would be long-since dead. Apples are ripe in fall, not winter.

Plot: This was an interesting chapter. We started off with Hermione and Draco being tense and awkward with each other, which made some sense to me. But they talk, which is good, and Draco decides to tell her a little bit about his past. But I was a little confused as to why he even thought that would be necessary...It seemed a bit random. And I hate to say that abusive-Lucius is a cliche...but it kind of is. :/ So overall, I'm not sure if I liked their conversation. I think the end result--her knowing more about him and deciding to try to befriend him--was good, but the conversation itself wasn't my favorite.

Characterization: Hermione was good as always. :) I really like how you write her! And I think Draco was pretty good here. I like that he didn't tell his whole life story, just a little bit before he closed off again. That seemed authentic to me.

Emotions: I liked that Hermione's horror at Draco's story was obvious. I think that her reaction was very relateable in this situation. So good job there!

Overall, I think this was a good chapter with the result that it had on the story. I'm not sure about the abusive-Lucius trope, but I do think that the effect of their conversation was good. :) Reading on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #10, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Information

11th July 2015:
Hi again! Let's go over things:

Plot: Ah! So much happened in this chapter! First of all, we learned that Harry didn't succeed in defeating Voldemort. No. :( And we learned that Voldemort wants Draco dead! Extra "no"! This just amped up the plot so much! I'm so excited to see what happens next! I definitely don't trust Blaise and Pansy. I think they're gonna end up turning on Draco, accidentally or purposefully. Voldemort knows how to read minds; he's probably going to find out where Draco is! AH!

Characterization: Loved Hermione again. Blaise was pretty good. I don't read many stories about him, so I assume this characterization is pretty canon. And Pansy seemed a little too nice and not whiny enough, but again--I don't read many stories about her. I do feel like the overuse of "Mudblood" sounds a bit odd in conversation, though. But I think Draco was pretty good here, and I'm interested to see how he'll change when he and Hermione talk about what they've learned.

Emotions: The fels! I seriously am so worried for Draco! I really hope that he's going to be okay! I could really feel Hermione's nervousness for him and her feelings of guilt in that last line. My own emotions are clouding the story's feelings right now, though, because I'm so excited to keep reading.

Overall, this was such a good chapter! It might be my favorite chapter so far! I have to keep reading and find out what happens next!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #11, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Repercussions

11th July 2015:
Hello yet again! Let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few issues again in this chapter. Last chapter was pretty good, so I didn't think I had anything to report then, but there were more here.

Plot: How could you leave me on a cliffhanger like that?! I liked this chapter for what it was, short but nice. I liked that Draco and Hermione started to acknowledge their feelings (or at least their changing perceptions). I also thought it was nice that Draco made breakfast. That's a very selfless gesture for him.

Characterization: Hermione is still on par with what I've come to expect from her (despite her immature moment at the end there), but Draco is moving a little bit too fast from being a jerk to being a nice guy. Don't get me wrong; I LIKE that he's nice, but the change is coming a bit too fast. But I did laugh at their "you're such a child" conversation. ;)

Emotions: I think you did a good job in this chapter of acknowledging Hermione and Draco's changing feelings for each other and the confusion that accompanies that. I think you did them justice in showing their discomfort in realizing that they're becoming closer. I wish I could really have SEEN the evolution of their friendship, though, since I feel like this chapter just TOLD me about it, rather than showed it.

Overall, this was another good chapter! Things are moving a litle bit too fast, but I think that will be okay. I love Dramione too much to mind yet. And I'm really interested to see if Draco's predictions will be right and Hermione's health will get worse. We'll see!

Reading on...

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #12, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Perseverance

11th July 2015:
Hello there! Me again! So, let's go over things:

Great Lines: I don't always include this section in my reviews, but when a particular line stands out for whatever reason, I like to let the author know. :) In this case it was: "Welcome to our lovely place of healing, Potter, Weasley." I literally laughed out loud when I read that. I don't know why I found it so funny, but I read it in Draco's voice, and it was great.

Plot: Another good chapter! I like that Draco and Hermione are trying to keep their truce going. The effort is nice. The flashback scene with Hermione explaining the TV was really funny, but she did say a few things that I wouldn't think would explain anything to him (such as "electronics" inside it). I think he would still have been confused after that explanation, haha. I'm not a huge fan of Ron or Harry in fanfiction in general, but I didn't mind them too much here. I'm sure Pansy will make me much more angry when she shows up. She always seemed like such a mean person. :P

Characterization: I think Hermione was good again! And I really liked the development in Draco's character in this chapter. I think he was really believable in the subtle changes he made, and his interactions with Ron and Harry were good. I liked that a lot. As for the boys, like I said: I didn't hate them. A good visit, overall.

Emotions: I wish I could see more of the worry that Hermione and Draco have to be feeling about their condition. Even if they've been told they're healed, you would think they would be upset in some way...

Overall, a good chapter! I'm reading on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #13, by DracoFerret11In Sickness And In Health: Healing in Hell?

11th July 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the House Cup 2015! I read the first chapter of this a long time ago, so I skimmed it again before starting this chapter. But I think I'm up to speed, so let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed quite a few issues throughout the chapter with minor grammar/spelling things. Nothing that was enough to throw me out of the story, but a quick read-through might help you catch those little errors.

Continuity: You said that there is snow outside the cottage...but we know that the final battle was in May, so it can't be later than July, and we know they're in Britain. Is there even somewhere in Britain that would be snowing in July? Just a thought. Maybe that will be addressed. :)

Plot: Oh man. I'm such a huge Dramione fan. It's a total issue in my life. I'm obsessed. So I'm really interested in this plot. I can't wait to see whether or not they're actually cured, whether or not they hate each other again (well, we know they'll eventually like each other!), and what shenanigans they get up to. The plot of this story is intriguing. It's interesting to consider a curse that could cause a disease that would make people this sick. So I'm curious to see how you pursue that.

Characterization: I think you were pretty true to Hermione's character in this chapter. Some of the dialogue came off a bit awkward (maybe read it aloud to see how it sounds?), but for the most part, she was good. Draco was a little strange. He calls Hermione a Mudblood, but then he chills out by the very next time he talks, and by the end of the chapter, he's pretty friendly. That insult he used against her felt out of place.

Emotions: I wish I could have felt Hermione's panic a bit better. I got her curiosity, but she didn't seem quite as freaked out as I think someone would be in this situation. Something to consider.

Descriptions: I think you added good details about how things looked in this chapter. I would like to see other sensory details about how things sound, smell, feel, etc. too! Those things will really bring the scene to life!

Overall, good chapter! I'm excited to read on!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #14, by DracoFerret11Dance With Me: Dance with Me

11th July 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the House Cup 2015! So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: Starting here, I just thought I would let you know that there are quite a few grammar and spelling issues in this story (for example, you wrote "we're" instead of "were" several times). I'd recommend reading through this again (or maybe grabbing a Beta reader!) to fix those errors. :)

Plot: I have a special place in my heart for Twin/Hermione stories, so I really enjoyed reading this. I liked that you followed their relationship in this story from start to finish. Their date at the Yule Ball was really sweet. The only part there that confused me was when you suddenly switched to talking about Dumbledore and McGonagall watching the students. That threw me off a bit. But besides that, the Yule Ball scene was really sweet. After that, the other scenes were brief (I would have liked if they were longer!), but the scene after the final battle was pretty emotional. I was so surprised when Fred survived! And I was so happy that they got married and started a life together! I wish you would extend this into a series or longer story in general. I would totally read that.

Characterization: I liked how you wrote Fred and Hermione! They both seemed pretty canon to me, so that was good. I also think you wrote the supporting characters well. One thing I was confused about was why Fred and Hermione didn't tell the Weasleys about their relationship. Was there a reason for that?

Emotions: I think you did a great job showing how Hermione was feeling throughout this story. Her nerves at the Yule Ball, then her sadness and anger when she thought Fred died were very genuine. Good job.

Overall, I think you did a great job with this story! The grammar and spelling could use some improvement, but other than that, I enjoyed it. I would like to read a longer version of this someday!

--Emily (DarkRose)

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #15, by DracoFerret11Jumping Off Swings: Moment of Death

11th July 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the Ravenclaw BvB! So, let's go over things:

Plot: To be honest, I really don't like Snape, but the summary of this story made me want to give it a look, and I'm happy I did! I think Snape's final moments are ones that intrigue a lot of readers. I liked how you handled them and analyzed which memories Snape thought of while he died.

Characterization/Emotions: So, I really do think that canon Snape was very selfish in his affections for Lily, but I did like how you wrote about them. And I did feel the different emotions that Snape went through in his memories. His fear of Voldemort was particularly well written. :) And I liked how you described the scene when Dumbledore told Snape that Lily was dead. I could really feel his grief.

Descriptions: There were a few places where I thought more details about how things looked/sounded/felt/smelled/etc. could help bring the story to life more, but for the most part, the details you chose were wonderful. I could really feel a lot of the scenes. Good job!

Overall, this was a well-written, emotionally detailed story, and I liked it. I might not be a Snape fan, but you made me interested to read about him, and that's a feat in and of itself!

--Emily (Team Bronze)

Author's Response: Emily!

Your review here is just so, so lovely and I can't even say thank you enough for it! I'm so happy I was able to draw your interest and get you interested in reading about a character you normally wouldn't think to look at. I'm glad you gave Snape a chance and that you found his last moments so emotional and intriguing. It took quite a while for me to construct his character in my head, and then to actually get it into writing...well, it was quite the feat and the fact that I was able to draw someone in who would normally not enjoy or go for a story written about him...well, I'm honoured you chose this story!

This story is in the rounds of going a little bit of updating, so I'll see if there are areas that I can work in a little bit more detail. The first time through writing it, I was too into the story and the emotions to be able to tell where I could add detail so hopefully now that I've gotten used to the writing, I can go through and improve it even more.

Thank you so, so much for this lovely review! And for choosing to read about Snape! ;)

-Mikaela

(PS Sorry for the slow response! I've been terrible about review responses as of late! xD)


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Review #16, by DracoFerret11Rose Tinted Glass: Paper World

9th July 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here again for the BvB! So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: The only issue I noticed was after the drawing started to move, you accidentally said her shirt "winkled" instead of "wrinkled." ;)

Plot: This was really lovely. I liked it even better than your other story I read! It was really sweet, and your style was so pretty. I could see everything that was happening, and the details you added in were just beautiful. Great job with this.

Characterization: I LOVE the idea of Artist-Scorpius! I feel like that now has to be my head-canon. It's just too perfect. And you describe him through Rose's eyes so well. I loved the line, "My very own artist who loved too hard and felt too much." That's so pretty. And Rose herself is so believable. I know so many girls like her, and I've been like her myself many times in my life. She's so lovely.

Emotions: I felt everything in this story! Rose was so soft and quiet and awed by Scorpius. And he was so quietly distracted. I could see all of this and feel it all. So pretty.

Overall, I really couldn't compliment this more. It was really nice. I think I'm going to Favorite this. :) Your style is so pretty here. Great job!

Emily (Team Bronze)

Author's Response: Oh my god! If you could see my face as I read this, I assure you, we'd both be thoroughly embarrassed.

Ahh, curse typos! I shall fix that right away! Thanks for pointing it out!

Artist Scorpius is my headcanon too, though I certainly did not come up with it all on my own. Peppersweet writes wonderful stories about Artist Scorpius, though they aren't Scorose. And oh my gosh, when people quote my words in reviews!! GAHH!! I just get so flustered!!

I think Rose's insecurity is what makes her relatable. Unfortunately, so many girls are very insecure and Rose is no exception. I did sort of want this to be kind of Rose seeing herself the way other people see her. She's her own worst critic. Scorpius doesn't make her more beautiful, she's already beautiful.

Is it weird that I wanted the main emotion here to be 'pretty?' I mean, pretty isn't even an emotion, but I feel like it is. Sometimes I feel pretty and I wanted this story to feel pretty too because Scorpius is pretty and Rose is pretty and painting is pretty. And now I've used that word so many times it's lost all meaning.

Anyway, thank you so much for this lovely review. You've made my night!

Stefanie


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Review #17, by DracoFerret11Sunshine and Cauldron Cakes : Sunshine Elixir

9th July 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the BvB Review Battle! So, let's go over things:

Plot: I don't read a lot of Next-Gen, but since I'm a Dramione shipper, I figure that Scorose is kind of close. ;) I liked this little story. It was cute and funny. I'm glad that Rose wasn't actually hurt! But it was so funny that she was loopy and Ron was freaking out so much! The concept of this is a good one -- loopy people are always comical. :)

Characterization: I think your Scorpius was really interesting! I'd never really thought what it would be like for him to meet Ron! But I think his nervousness was a nice change from the Draco-clone-cockiness. It was a bit cliche that Ron was flipping out and Hermione was accepting of her daughter's relationship, but it was okay in the end. I think Rose's loopiness was the funniest characterization. I might read other Scorose stories by you to see how you write NON-loopy Rose. ;)

Emotions: As I said, I like Scorpius's nervousness. That feels original to me. I wish I had even more of his internal thoughts, though. I feel like that would help me feel like I'm "in" the story even more. :)

Overall, this was a cute one-shot! I liked it. You write Scorose well, and this was funny. Nice job!

Emily (Team Bronze)

Author's Response: Hi Emily!

Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you liked this story!

I love Scorose far too much for it to be healthy. I only have three Scorose stories posted here, but on my computer there is an embarrassingly high number of them. I do find that my Scorose stories can err on the side of cliche, so I'm glad you thought that Scorpius was a really original character.

As for Ron and Hermione, I've always seen them the way everyone else does - protective Ron and accepting Hermione. I guess it just feels true to their canon characters - though you are right, this cliche can get old and there must be an original way to spin it, I just have yet to come up with it!

As I was writing this, I didn't actually think much of Scorpius's nervousness upon meeting Ron. I mean, who isn't nervous when meeting their significant other's parents? Especially in Scorpius's situation!

And I'm so happy that you found Rose funny. Loopy people are hilarious. I will never get enough of wisdom tooth videos on YouTube, and this is basically just Rose's wisdom tooth video.

Anyway, I hope to see you in my reviews again!

Stefanie


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Review #18, by DracoFerret11Shenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Arrival at Hogwarts

8th July 2015:
Hello there! Me again (DarkRose), here to review for you for the BvB, team Bronze! So, let's go over things:

Great Lines: I don't always include this part since I don't frequently have lines that totally jump out at me, but this chapter had a couple! First, "while I generally don't like to accuse my students of lying to me, your track record doesn't inspire confidence" -- made me laugh probably harder than it should have. Also, "she did wish that the blond girl was capable of being thrilled at a slightly lower decibel" -- I feel like this CONSTANTLY with my little sister! She exists at a volume previously unknown to man. It is...unfortunate.

Plot: This was a great chapter! I think the conversation with the professors was well-structured and believable. I was a bit confused as to why Vic had to make her schedule with her HoH at that particular time, though. It threw me off a bit, but I was really intrigued to hear more about that Creatures Department and the mysterious second-in-command. And Fred's latest crush is cute too. We'll see how that progresses! Also, did I catch some LGBTQA people here? :D Yay!

Characterization: Still love Vic and Fred. I think I'm starting to like Vic more and more each chapter. I love strong female characters. And her parents would definitely set her up to be a strong person. I'm interested, though, in why she would become an animagus illegally? Is there a reason she can't just follow whatever process there is to do so LEGALLY? Hmm.

Emotions: Another exciting chapter. The pacing of this story is really good. It keeps me wanting to read on, and it doesn't bog me down (which I feel I always do to readers). Good job!

Descriptions: I admit that I'm having a bit of trouble picturing the different characters. You captured the settings pretty well, but maybe that's because I already had an idea of what they looked like. But there are just SO many characters, and I can't figure out what any of them look like. Maybe adding some details there would help. :)

Overall, another good chapter! Please let me know when you update, and I'll come back to read more! :D

Emily (Team Bronze)

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Review #19, by DracoFerret11Shenanigans and Hi-Jinks: Meeting the Train

8th July 2015:
Hello there! I read the first chapter to this story quite a while ago, but I skimmed it for a refresher and then moved on to this one. :) Now that I've read it, let's go over things:

Plot & Characterization: I'm actually pretty interested to see where this story goes! I don't read much Next-Gen, but this grabbed my attention in the original chapter and continued to do so in this one. I really like Fred as one of the Next-Gen characters, and I like reading your version of him! And I really like that your Victoire is so pleasant! I feel like I've read her as being pretty stuck-up before now. So this is a great change with her being funny and friendly and strong-willed. I also liked that the two of them are such good friends (and it's refreshing to see a Next-Gen story about someone OTHER than Albus/James/Scorpius/Rose). Fred and Vic's adventures are sure to be fun to read! So far, I'm interested! Yay!

Emotions: I like the adventurous mood of this story! Already I'm excited to read on and see what happens after they talk to their Heads of House. The emotions/excitement have kept me reading, and I'm interested to see how things go as this story continues!

Style: I think you've done a great job writing these characters and the world they live in. Even though I consciously know that this Hogwarts, these characters, etc., are different from the canon characters & setting, you make them seem coherent with what I know of JK Rowling's world. If that makes sense. I guess what I'm saying is that your style meshes with hers, and I like that a lot. Great job!

Overall, great chapter! I hope to read the next soon!

--Emily (DarkRose, Bronze Team)

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Review #20, by DracoFerret11(Parenthetical) Asides: Unattainable

8th July 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here for the Bronze vs. Blue Review Battle (team Bronze)!

Okay, I want to start by saying that this is unlike anything I've ever read in both structure and plot. And I really liked that! I hate that I haven't found much that's really unique lately. (I haven't looked hard enough.) Anyway, let's go over a few things:

Plot: I really liked this! I totally agree that even canon James treated Lily inappropriately. He obsessed over her, and who knows how long it took him to realize he didn't actually know her at all? But I had never considered how far it could have gone in an AU sense. This was eerie, and I liked that. As for setting it at a Muggle university? How cool! I'd never thought of that! But it was interesting and original, and I liked that a lot.

Characterization: FANTASTIC job with Lily and James. I didn't think either of them was unbelievable in this context. Lily's discomfort and fear really struck me, and I loved the twist of her being a lesbian. Really well done. James was so freaky to me because he truly didn't see that the way he was behaving was wrong. That's so messed up, but it's something that really happens, and I think you lent a real authenticity to that.

Emotions: I sort of mentioned this, but to repeat -- I loved the emotions in this. Lily's fear and James's obsession were so believable and well-written. I applaud you.

Structure: This was a really interesting way to write a story with the back and forth and parentheses. A few of Lily's responses were a bit too repetitive from what James said, but I didn't mind that for the most part. Mostly, I think this was a challenging way to write a story, and you pulled it off.

Overall, this was really cool! I liked it a lot, and I'm glad I gave it a read! Good job!

Emily

Author's Response: Hi Emily! Thanks for your review!

Ooh, I'm so glad that you liked it, even though it was a little bit different! (Yeah, I'm sure that there are other pieces written similarly to this one, but I haven't seen any on HPFF.)

Plot: Canon James was inappropriate, but fanon James is ten times worse. That's what I was playing at here, taking the fanon version of him (that asked Lily out ten thousand times a day) and blowing it up to epic proportions. He did obsess over her, to a creepy and scary degree. Muggle universities tend to have this problem of predatory people who can't take the word "no" for what it is. I'm in university right now, so writing this hit sort of close to home.

Characterization: Thank you so much! I figured that Lily and James would be okay if I wrote them in a way that was less close to canon for this one. But I do think it's realistic that she would've been way more uncomfortable with James's advances--even in canon. Because we only get the James/Lily story from a male perspective, who knows what she actually thought when James was crushing on her in their fifth year? As for Lily being a lesbian, I didn't want to make it seem like James "turned" her gay (which is sort of what he thought, which is wrong). She was afraid of what her family would think if she came out to them so she decided to give James a chance to sort of shut them up (in this universe, her family is not tolerant of any kind of sexuality other than hetero, which vaguely parallels Petunia's fear of magic, but to a larger degree). So she finally came out to Marlene, who was her roommate and best friend during their first year at university. (Sorry, absolutely none of this comes into the story, but it's kind of contextualizing everything? I should've included something about it.) The freakiest part about someone like James is that they really don't see how damaging their actions are. It's scary.

Emotions: Thank you so much! I was a little iffy on those, because I've never actually experienced something like this. So I had to be extra careful not to be insensitive or write something the wrong way. I'm relieved that it worked out!

Structure: This was for ad astra's Sink Your Ship Challenge, among other challenges, and I wrote it in a hurry because the deadline was approaching. The repetitiveness of some of her responses can be a little overwhelming, so thank you for pointing that out! I'll be sure to edit those!

Thanks again for your lovely review!

♥Mallory


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Review #21, by DracoFerret11The Netted Sunbeam: The Netted Sunbeam

7th July 2015:
Hi Branwen!

Uncharacteristically, I decided to join the Bronze vs. Blue Review Battle this month! I saw that you had a new Tristan/Isolda story, and I remember reading "The Thing With Feathers," so I was excited to check this out! Let's go over things:

Plot: First of all, this was great. I think you really captured the clandestine feeling of their relationship well. And I liked the different elements of this story--Iz and Tristan's relationship, Iz and her mother's relationship, the secrecy, the friends you mention, etc. It's complex for a one-shot, and I liked that.

Characters: I seriously think you write for these two SO well. And I love the Tristan & Isolde reference. ;) Very literary. I think it's neat that Tristan's personality parallels what we know of James, but I actually like Iz better. I think she's a very modern woman for her time, and her independence and intelligence are very attractive qualities. She's sassy and has a great personality. I like her a lot.

Emotions: Ahh, this is so sweet. Their slightly-inappropriate love for their time period is so fantastic. It's really sweet. I like the subtlety you employ there.

Descriptions: Man, I would REALLY like if I could see this time period more. You have to think it's somewhere around the 1930s or '40s since we know James's parents were a bit older, and he was born in 1960. So I would really like to see more details of how things look/sound/smell/feel/etc. It would bring this to life so much!

All-in-all, I think this was really great. Your writing style is lovely, and I enjoyed reading this. :)

Emily (DarkRose, Bronze Team)

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Review #22, by DracoFerret11Game On: Volume II: Envy - BookDinosaur - Ravencalw

6th July 2015:
Hello there!

AHHH, Draco! I have such a soft spot for him, but I rarely read stories when he's younger, so this was fun. Plot-wise, it was canon and really believable. I can definitely see Draco sitting around and moping and plotting. He's such a slimy little guy. :) And I really think your characterization did him justice. I feel like it would be so confusing to be young Draco. He grew up thinking he was the best of the best, and then the first time he tries to be friends with Harry, Harry turns him down! That would be so awful as an 11-year-old! Way to go, Harry! :P But I think that the determination your young-Draco showed was really good. In the books, Draco is quite driven and intelligent, so this seemed very canon to me. I enjoyed it. And I like weensy-Draco, of course. :) Overall, this story fit the prompt, had a cute plot, and had great characterization. Well done!

DarkRose (Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015)

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Review #23, by DracoFerret11Game On: Volume II: Beauxbatons Croquet Championships - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
Hello there!

This was, simply put, hilarious. I loved reading it! I seriously laughed out loud more than once. :D You're right -- it's quite silly! But in such a great way! We normally see Fleur very composed and put together, so it was really quite fun to see her in such a goofy light. I love how you portrayed Beauxbatons (as Michael Gambon would say it BO-BATTONS)! It was so frilly and stuck up! That's such a French stereotype, but I laughed all the same. And nice nod to Alice in Wonderland! Very well done. ;) I especially loved the element of the game where they had to play political hardball and make up terrible rumors about each other! That's such an awful thing to do, but you made it seem like just another part of the day, and that made me laugh. Overall, I think you created a world where all of this made sense. I liked the story, and I'm glad I came across it. Nicely done!

DarkRose (Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015)

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Review #24, by DracoFerret11Game On: Volume II: 8 Across, 4 Down - krazyboutharryginny - Gryffindor

6th July 2015:
Hello again!

I'm not going to say that I searched this out after I read the story about Quidditch...but I totally searched this out after I read the Quidditch story. :D You totally hooked me with this pairing, and it is so much fun to read! I really love the characterization you put into Remus and Sirius. I was so giddy over them doing the puzzle together, and then sad when Sirius almost ruined it with what he did to Snape. And then at the end in Azkaban...I actually gasped and covered my mouth. It was such a sad moment to realize how far things had come and how far they had sunk. This just...man...right in the feels. I love the concept of this story. I think it's believable and canon, and I loved it. And the relationship you built through these characters' interactions was so fantastic. I just...I want to keep reading your Sirius/Remus stories forever. That might sound silly, but it's true. You do them justice. Really great job. Thank you for writing this!

DarkRose (Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015)

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Review #25, by DracoFerret11Game On: Volume II: Remus' Crush - krazyboutharryginny - Gryffindor

6th July 2015:
Hello there!

I think I love this ship. I've heard some about it, but I haven't read any Wolfstar (that's what it's called, right?) in a really long time. But I was smiling like a total idiot after reading this, and I really, really liked it. Your plot was incredibly cute. I think it's such a believable situation -- Remus can just say he's there to support his friends, but his motives are really much cuter. And then Sirius saved him from the Bludger! Ahhh! I loved that! And, of course, the ending. I was grinning so widely when I read that. It was so cute and sweet. I really liked it. I also think you did well with your details (mentioning Sirius's man-bun - :D and the way Remus's expression looked, etc.) and your characterization. Nothing seemed like it was out of character or unbelievable. I liked that a lot. Overall, I think this was really well written, and I enjoyed reading it a lot. Way to get me hooked on another new ship!

DarkRose (Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015)

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