Ooh, nice beginning. I don't really have much to comment on, as this was just a beginning chapter, so I apologize for the wimpy review here. Haha. I do like the voice you used for Snape though. The urgency and hissing seems to be in all the right places, and it's of course a trait of Snape. You did well on both their characterization.

Also- I THANK you for not saying "it-was-after-dumbledore-just-died." Your way was much more interesting.

Peacexx,
Melanie

Author's Response: Thanks! I agree, saying "After Dumbledore just died" is a bit morbid and well, bleh. Thanks again and keep reading! :)

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First of all, I apologize for this review being so late. :)

This chapter was quite short, but it's acceptable seeing how it's only the prologe. I would suggest you write longer chapters for the rest of your story (you probably have - I just haven't looked yet :P)

Watch your beta's marks, they should be taken out. [ex- favourite ( pillow]

I really enjoyed the way you portrayed the relationship of Harry and Holly. I'm so used to people writing about Harry's hero complex, his whiny "Why Me?" attitude, so it was really refreshing to see him portrayed as wanting to be only a good dad and husband.

I liked the second last paragraph, the comparison of Holly to Lily. It was very sweet.

This was a very nice opening chapter. I couldn't find any grammer errors - you have great betas.

Peace

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First of all, what a great story! I really loved it, so sweet! Now, here's my critique.

The first paragraph was a bit confusing. I think you might of meant for it to be that way, because it was cleared up in the second one. Maybe it would have seemed more dream-like if you had put it in italics.

You also changed tenses a couple times, ("It was getting harder every day just to get out of bed. Hermione can hear the bustle of life below"), and it got confusing at times. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I was in the past or in the present.

Your description of Harry and Voldemort during the final battle was so amazing. "If he was going to die, he was going to die fighting like a man..."(or something close to that xD) There were tears brimming in my eyes. I liked that part.

I was a little iffy at Ginny and Mrs. Weasley spontaneously bursting into tears in the kitchen. I mean, of course they would miss their son/brother, but it was Hermione's dream they were talking about, not their own. I just think it would take a bit more to get them started. They're both pretty strong.

I didn't really understand your explinanation of why Ron was away. I was under the impression that he was a Death Eater (from what Hermione said), but then you went on to say he'd ended up living in America as a muggle. Maybe that could be clarified a bit.

I really loved your ending. It was so sweet when Ron said, "No, give me your left,". Overall, this was a great story with very few spelling or punctuation errors. I really loved this, thanks for giving me the opportunity to read it!

-dollface






Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing...I am thinking about rewriting Rons memories about what happened so they are less confusing....thank you for your imput.

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Wonderful! But is Harry calling Petunia Mum? Because it really doesn't seem like him. Good story so far, I'll be checking back!!

Author's Response: Nope, he's 'talking' to Lily ^.^ Harry is a bit, er, mental. Thanks!!

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I'm a bit confused, here...What motivations did Hermione have to go out with Malfoy? Obviously, things hadn't changed between he and Hermione's friends...I think maybe you should explain Hermione's side of this a bit better. Good story, though. When are you putting up the banner?

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I'm going to go ahead and say that I absolutely loved this. Very, very orignial idea, and well exectued. My only complaint was the parts that the Ministry witheld. I didn't really understand that bit...care to explain a bit?

-melleyg

Author's Response: The Ministry can typically be annoying so I used that factor in this. Plus, it's a public letter and I don't think the Ministry would care to give too much information. Because of that, they with hold the most important parts.

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Wow, that was so amazing! I really loved going through Draco's thoughts, deciphering out his true meanings of things (you've got some double ended statements in there, like "I never should have killed her" and "I'm sorry," I'm not sure if you meant for them to be like that, but thats how they came across to me)

I have to say I really loved the ending. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks melleyg. I'm really glad you liked it. The story is basically just trying to get you to stand in Draco's shoes and see the world through his eyes. Some of those sentences are meant to have 2 meanings, it's great that you noticed.

I'm really glad you liked it. I personally love the ending, I wasn't going to finish it like that but ... it worked out.

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I know I've already told you this, but I love this story! It's so funny, and to such a great song. :)

{melleyg}

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Draco... a singer??

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Aw, I love this! So cute! I think I prefer that 'What Was Done' part more, but that's just because I love your desciptions.

Great job!

{melleyg}

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Aw, that was so cute, I loved the ending. I was actually laughing when Harry said, 'How ruggedly manly of you'. Hah!

I'd just like to point out that Remus and Tonks could've had a kid, though. JK has said that you actaully have to get bitten by a werewolf to become one, it doesn't just get passed down. Ah, well.

Great fic, though. I'm really excited for your sequal!

{melleyg}

Author's Response: Really?? Well then...perhaps I will change that bit. Thank you for the tip!

And for the compliments, really, thank you so much!!! Glad you liked it. :)


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Wow! What an interesting idea! I would never think to even go investigating the Longbottoms. I really liked how you said the gum wrappers were clues. That directly falsified their discription in the books, where JK protrays them insignifigant.

There were a few grammer things that I spotted. For example, She wasn't aware that he had already known about it though.. A comma goes after "it". Minor things, really, nothing that mussed with the story's flow.

You have one statement in this story that really bugs me:

Hey Neville," Hermione said softly. "We saw your gran, so we thought we'd say hi. So, hi! We'll leave now."

It doesn't really sound to me like something Hermione would say; she tends to speak in a more refined manner. Also, if she is talking "softly" I don't think there is really a need for an exclamation point after the word "hi"

And I was also a bit lost with the flashback. It tends to keep the reader more drawn in and less confused if you don't switch POV's too much.

I really enjoyed your story, I'm glad you posted it on my review thread!

{melleyg}

Ooh, PS - You have a lovely banner, but it's over the size limit, which I believe it 700X100. Maybe you could just resize it?

Author's Response: i'm glad you like it! and thanks for the critique!

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Here I am, reporting for reviewing duty! :)

Firstly, I'd like to comment on your amazing style of writing. It seems like vidid discriptions (He’d died a hero, though a hero with pieces of his heart and soul missing, my favorite line) flow natrually and easily for you.

I'm a little iffy on Voldemort sliting Ginny's throat, though. It's true that Voldemort is cruel, and making Harry and Hermione watch certaintly counts. But I think he would of chosen a magical method, because I've gotten the impression from the books that he has a very high respect for magic, and is very fond of it.

The line that really hit me was "I got one last look at Tonks before my wolfish instincts took over." How horrible for Lupin, to have killed the woman he loved! And also, the last paragraph ... I loved that one too. You left me really feeling for Lupin.

Great job, overall. 10!

{melleyg}

Author's Response: Awww, I'm glad you liked that line. I LOVED that line and no one had commented on it yet :[:[. That made me sad. Yeah, actually I agree with you there, I really do, but I just get tired of the same way of Voldemort killing people. He tortures them with the Cruciatus curse, then kills them off with Avada Kedavra. Seriously, Avada Kedavra CAN'T hurt. What a dummy.

I know. Lupin killing Tonks wasn't planned, but when I thought of it...I couldn't just NOT do it. Because I've NEVER seen that done. I'm glad you left the story feeling sorry for Remus, I know I've done my job :]:]. Thanks for the review!

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This was so cute, girl! I only found one mistake in this chapter:

"He grasped her hand and led her off to Hogsmead." Should be, "He grasped her hand and led her off to Hogsmeade." That was my only complaint with spelling and grammer, etc.

Also, I would have liked it if the lyrics at the end were in italics. I don't know if others feel that way, or maybe it's just me. At first I wasn't sure if it was an oddly spaced paragraph or lyrics, and the italics would make that it are lyrics immediatly clear.

Anyway, I loved this fic. It was so cute, and I loved the ending. Neville and Ginny are so cute together. I also love the whole hinting at Dramione. Are they going to get to together? No? Yes? Haha.

Is there going to be a sequel to this lovely piece of writing??

-melleyg

Author's Response: thanks! i apprechiate the corrections! you know how i am about that stuff. um, a sequel? hmm. who knows? we will see. perhaps i'll ask for opinions on the forums.

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Um, do you have a beta?

Author's Response: No but I have been recommended to get one.

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Well, that was quite horrid of Elle, wasn't it now?

Author's Response: I've had quite a few responses. The summary of why Elle behaved the way she did is on my greatestjournal (link in the author page), if you're interested. :)

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Oh, wow! This is going so good! I really hope Harry recognizes it's not Hermione. He had such a big clue there, and he just shrugged it off. Honestly, he's becoming so much like Ron!

Anyway, I think this is developing really well. I really have no idea what's going to happen, and that's always a plus. I can't wait for the next chappy!

{melleyg}

Author's Response: Yeah, Harry had a couple clues there, hopefully he will indeed figure it out. :)

Thank you so much for the compliments, I'm glad you're still having fun here. Hoping for a Friday posting of the next chapter. :) Thanks again!

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OH WOW!!

You have such an amazing way of describing things, it's just great! I liked how, with this chapter, everything was so wonderful at the beginning, what with Ron being the godfather and everything. Then, it all turns serious with the Polyjuice Lucius thing, and then eventually the Polyjuice Ron!!

I cannot wait to see how this turns out, Jess. You get better every time!!

{melleyg}

Author's Response: Glad you liked the descriptions, I have to cocentrate on those, so yeah, thanks!! I'm so glad you are enjoying this, thank you thank you thank you for all the reviews!! :)

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OMFGZ!

I can't wait to see how this works out, because I've never read A Tom/Hermione one ... Hm... *waits impatiently*

I just thought you should know that you switched POV. At the start, you used "I" and then it sort of morphed into "He, She". That's my only complaint, just watch that on the next chapter.



{melleyg}

Author's Response: LOL hehe yeah i know... heehee i mentioned it in the authors note... really sorry... i promise i'll fix it as soon as i can!! i just couldnt wait to post it.. :D i'nm just waiting for the 2nd chapter to be validated.. thanx soo much for reviewing!! hehee i hope u keep on reading though..

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I love this story. I literally have tears in my eyes for Harry. I do hope he goes to Hogwarts... Hmm... Have to wait and see, I suppose. Brilliant Job!

{melleyg}

Author's Response: Remember, I want to keep this story as close to canon as possible...

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It was great, very touching. Though, I found the lines every few paragraphs quite annoying. Personally? I don't think you need them. They break up the flow of your story where it doesn't need to be broken; I think you could get rid of them all together, and it would still make since. I give you 7, because I loved the fic but I hate the lines.

{melleyg}

Author's Response: lol,I was wondering about those myself. I might take them out still...Thanks for the review.

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OMFGZ!

Hunn, this is amazing. So sad, though not 'kleenex-sad' just 'Oh my God' sad. Haha, if you know what I mean.

I think you did a wondeful job explaining how She (haha, I don't remember if you said her name or not. Either way,) felt. A lot of feeling goes into your writing, I think.

My only complaint is the part about Hermione whispering to Ginny. It's a little unclear. Is Hermione whispering meanly about the girl, because I don't really think that's in her charcter. Or, is she feeling sorry for her. Only complaint. ;)

Great job, I'm off to go read more of your work. 10

{melleyg}

Author's Response: yeah, it's more that she feels sorry for her. You know, pointing out to Ginny... it could have been worded better, i guess.

Ah well, thanks a lot. =]

xoxox

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*tear* That was so sad. I got chills when Ron said he still wanted to kill Harry ... And the worst part is that could really happen, if Ginny was a DE. But why did she become one? Ah, well. Great fic, I love your work!

{melleyg}

Author's Response: Me too, when I wrote the fic.
to be honest; I don't know either; I figured that if I wrote WHY she became one it'd ruin the plot, like, forever. Because explaination isn't my strongest side. But I'm thrilled that you liked my story =D Thanks for the review ;D

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Oh my, this was quite a shortie, wasn't it? I can't wait to read the next one ... Can't wait to see how this goes, but I do hope the next chapter is longer. That would be my only complaint.

{melleyg}

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Brilliant chapter, I can't wait to see how this all turns out! I'm not a H/Hr shipper per say, but I think you've done a wonderful job with this story so far! Keep going!

{melleyg}

Author's Response: Oh, thanks very much!! Maybe by the time it's over, you'll be singin' a different tune...*grinning*

Thanks very much for the review!!

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