Reading Reviews From Member: Phoenix_Flames
  
1,255 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Phoenix_FlamesEsto Perpetua: The Last Vestiges Of Peace

14th August 2014:
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested!

I'm so glad you came by and requested this story. I really quite enjoyed it!

I think you're off to a great start here. You had a great opening scene. It was more unique than most Marauders stories begin with a prank or something else of that sort. I actually liked that they were finishing up their exams, and I really liked on top of that the Sirius was portrayed as knowing what he was doing! So often, and quite cliche-ly I might add, they don't know anything and it's always Remus, so I really enjoyed reading that change.

I think you're characterizing the Marauders pretty well. As I said above, none of them seem to be cliche. You have already established personality traits that differentiate them from each other that are realistic and believable. The dynamic between them is just perfect as well. The dialogue just flows so perfectly. It's care-free and happy, and just typical boys! So I think that's perfect. You really nailed it. I really don't think you have much to worry about with their characterization. It's all spot on and already very well established.

The humor is wonderful too! Like I said, their dynamic is perfect and it just flows, as does the humor!

You not only had some great dialogue, but I think you had a great balance between the dialogue and the actions and descriptions going on in the story, like Sirius thinking of his parents at the end of the first scene. James admiring Lily from afar. The girls and the squid. The playful duelling in the bedroom. It was all very great!

My only CC I that I think I have to offer is that I would recommend you try to establish the conflict of the story more quickly. While Sirius is thinking of his parents in the beginning, there isn't quite much else that goes with that topic, and seeming as the summary says that will be the main plot driver, I was hoping to see more of it in this first chapter. But then again, because this is the first chapter, it's understandable that some of that is absent! I only say this because with all the fun going on, while it was perfectly balanced, well written, and enjoyable, I still would have liked to have an established progression that it was all important and adding up to something, if that makes any sense at all. But that's really my only piece of advice, so in chapter 2, I would hope that the conflict starts to pick up and drive the plot of the story!

Really, really well done though! This is a very great story and you're off to a great start. I hope you found my review helpful in some way, and thank you so much for requesting! Feel free to come back any time!

Author's Response: Hey there :) Thank you so very much for the review!

Haha yes, always happy to avoid any of the tiresome Marauder-era cliches. Considering they became Animagi by the age of sixteen at most, I can't believe that Remus was the only smart one in the group :)

It can get quite hard to differentiate their characters, sometimes they all meld into one another - especially James and Sirius, so I'm hapy it came across all right.

Good to know the humour was all right, and the dialogue too - neither are my strong points, and I'm happy to know I'm on the right track. Still working on it!

Going through the chapter again after reading your review, I did realise I didn't breech the plot immediately, so I've thought about it, and am reworking the first chapter again. Hopefully I can get it right :)

Once again, thank you so much for the review - it was very helpful and encouraging, and really did help me to look through the chapter again with a critical eye. It also has me chomping at the bit to get the next chapters done, so I'll be back to ask for another review soon :D

Love,
SiverDarkHorse x.


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Review #2, by Phoenix_FlamesJourney to the Centre of (Mollyís) World in (Less than) 80 Days: King of Anything

14th August 2014:
Hi there! I'm here with you review as requested!

And let me just say right now, oh my gosh, I'm so glad you did! I was in love with this story immediately. Seriously. In love. I could tell from the beginning that you are a really, really talented writer.

I loved being in Molly's head from the beginning and going through the events at the cafe with her. You wrote the events and her thought so perfectly. It was the perfect balance of dialogue, events, and thoughts, but I liked that it was mainly Molly's thoughts because it established her character and personality immediately. I think that's so important, and not only is that important, but creating a unique character is even more important! And I really think you did that here. Molly sounds like myself even and she's relatable! She's not some Mary-Sue. Honestly, you did a perfect job with her.

You had the perfect little inclusions of humor too, like when Molly realizes picking today wasn't the best day to change her life and so on. Then the meal with her family was just the icing on the cake to follow up the previous scene. I love that she freaked out. Honestly loved it. Once again, it just establishes the brilliant character you've created even further.

You really have a great start here, and you have written it awesomely. I'm sorry this review is gushing more than anything, but I really don't know what CC I have to offer! I just honestly loved it all and I don't know what I could say to make it any better!! Seriously. Brilliant job. I haven't read a story of this quality on the archive in quite a long time.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more use, but I hope you still found this useful in some way! Thank you so much for requesting and introducing me to your great story. I honestly can't wait to see where this goes. Please feel free to come back and request the next chapter whenever you like!

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Review #3, by Phoenix_FlamesThe Monopoly on Honour: Do we not Suffer?

14th August 2014:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested!

I'm so glad you requested this story because I really quite enjoyed it! You pulled me in from the very beginning. I can't express how important I think the first scene of a novel is, and you really did it justice with that scene between Draco and Astoria! I thought it was very sweet and romantic, and honestly I loved reading about this side of Draco. Not only was it a great scene, but you wrote it so well! It was so beautifully crafted with the perfect balance of description and dialogue. Really, your descriptions were perfect. I loved the pale sand reference. Really, just a gorgeous beginning that peaks the readers interest!

The rest of the chapter was just as interesting and lived up to the first scene. I was very intrigued from the beginning. I like the idea of Draco and Astoria having a history that began long before their years at Hogwarts. I love that you've made them childhood sweethearts in a way, and I like the tensions between the fathers presented in that area. The maze was also cute and it's definitely something I can see children doing.

The rest of the chapter was just as good! You have a very interesting set-up here, and this first chapter poses a lot of questions that definitely make me want to keep reading! The dynamic with the sisters was also very good.

Your awesome descriptions carried throughout the entire chapter. You really are great at them and you have the perfect balance of it.

Really, my only bit of CC that I have is the dialogue. While it matches the descriptions and the story perfectly, I only had a slight issue with in in the scene with Draco at seven-years-old. It honestly just seemed a little too mature for a seven-year-old to be saying. I don't know if this is good or bad, or my perception could be completely off! That was just the vibe that I carried away from it, but then again you established the relationship previously with Lucius and Draco and so it's obvious that they are educating him to a very high standard, so maybe it is realistic in this setting! But that's my only CC that I would comment to focus on.

Very good job with this first chapter! You definitely caught my interest, and I hope this review was helpful to you in some way! Thanks so much for requesting!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for the review; it means a lot, especially if you enjoyed it! Gosh - the opening scene; it was one of the first scene that popped into my head for the story - not quite the first, but definitely high on the list, and it was the first properly romantic scene that I wrote, so the comments mean a lot! Ah, Draco. I wanted to make him more than the git we see in the early books, and more than the total wreck we see in the later books. Writing the two of them came very naturally, and that they've known each other since they were children means that I have far more opportunities, especially where their parents are concerned. I liked the maze as well. I started from the idea that most manors etc have very extensive gardens, generally including a maze of some kind, and I remember getting lost in mazes as a little kid :)

On the dialogue - when I go back and edit this I'll pay attention to it. I suppose I was going for the hint of formality that they have when they're older, and overshot the mark :)

Thanks so much for this, it was really so helpful.

Celi :)


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Review #4, by Phoenix_FlamesMorbid: Cousin Larry

10th August 2014:
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested!

Let me just say right off the bat, wow! Really, wow. You were right; this story is quite unusual, but it has definitely caught my interest. I'm very curious as to why Teddy is so interested in funerals, or if there's any reasoning behind that at all. At first, I was shocked and caught off guard that he crashed funerals and drew pictures of himself deceased, but as I thought about it, I realized that may not be all that peculiar, considering that both of his parents are dead. This is an incredibly unique portrayal. I also am not aware of the novel you said this was inspired by, so I have no idea where you're going with this but I'm eager to find out!

This was, all in all, very interesting, and I don't quite know what to say as of yet because I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Throwing in the girl was an interesting twist. I want to know what made Teddy catch her eye and why she decided to approach him. I'm also very curious about this Merlin character. Something unusual and unique definitely seems to be going on there, and I'm very intrigued to find out what!

The way you went about this chapter was lovely. You really have a very nice writing style. It flowed together wonderfully and it kept me intrigued. I really don't think I saw any grammatical mistakes, so that's wonderful! It also had just about the right amount of descriptions as well. I loved reading that he was an auror for some time until he punched McLaggen. Reading anecdotes like that in stories are often my favorite because I think they develop the character so much and make everyone more relatable. It just pulls me into the story even more!

So really great job! I really don't have any CC for you because you really did a great job. And it's an incredibly unique story! I can definitely say that there is not another one like it on the site, and you definitely pulled it off and captured my interest! I'm very intrigued to see where this goes.

Thanks so much for requesting. I know I didn't have all that much CC to offer, but I hope this review helped you in some way! Feel free to come back and request the next chapter! I'd love to see where this goes!

Author's Response: Hello!

I don't even know how to respond to this review. I'm pretty much speechless right now. This is one of the nicest reviews I've ever gotten. Both Amy's initial interest in Teddy and who or what Merlin is are explored in the next two chapters, but I'm afraid I didn't quite get around to answering all of the questions I raised. (I am considering some follow up stories to this though)

Thank you for the compliments on my writing style, I spent a lot of time trying to perfect it here! I could probably write a good number of stories about these characters because I've got so many anecdotes like the McLaggen incident in my mind about them, even if they didn't make it into this story.

I don't mind your lack of CC at! This way I can try and continue whatever it is I'm doing right. I am SO grateful for your compliments and I will definitely be back to re-request!


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Review #5, by Phoenix_FlamesThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Peculiar Childhood: A Prologue

10th August 2014:
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested!

I think you're off to a great start here, and I can really see this story going somewhere. You made me very curious from the very beginning. I think the beginning of a novel is critical because it generally is what makes a reader decide if they want to keep reading or not, so pulling in your reader from the first line is very important, and I really think you did that here! I was interested and wanting to learn more about Annett and her childhood from the start!

I can tell that I already like Annett. I love your unique take on her. I don't think I've ever read a story on the site about a muggleborn that focuses so in-depthly on their childhood background, and as I read your story, I became very curious as to how that would go down, so I loved to read your take on it! I think it would be very accurate too. Especially with parents who are scientists! That's a really nice parallel, so great job with that! I think everything from the perplexed parents and so on was very accurate. Especially when she received her letter. I think it would have been unrealistic for her to be like "Sure, I'll go!" as soon as she received it, so honestly thinking the letter was a prank was perfect!

It was all wonderful! And I also can't express how happy I was to see Teddy pop in there at the end. He's one of my favorite next-gen characters, and I also think his job as a mubbleborn greeter was very clever! Like I said, I think it would have been unrealistic for her to go without a push or some sort of proof. So having someone personally come to her door made a lot of sense to me.

My only bit of CC that I can think of giving is that I would have loved to see her reaction to Diagon Alley. We clearly see that she has seen magic, as she sees Teddy apparate and his hair change color, but I think reading an "aha, this is real moment" would have been great. I would have loved to go through that process with Annett as she realizes this isn't a joke and is indeed real. So I would have loved to see a little more description with that! While I realize and understand that this is a prologue therefore in-depth detail isn't normally included, I still think it would have just given it the perfect touch it needs!

You had a great set up from the beginning. I liked the repitition with Annett stating that her parents were muggle scientists, and I liked the quickness of it all, how she jumped from year to year with one little anecdote. It established Annett's background and personality. I think getting your protagonist's personality across as soon as possible is very important. You did that, and you also wrote it at the perfect balance as well. It wasn't incredibly overwhelming to read and learn about Annett at the same time. It was just about right.

So, I think that's everything I can think of! Like I said, I would have loved more Diagon Alley! And I think maybe weaving in a little more description towards the end would have tied it up nicely, but like I said, it's understandable that this is a prologue so then again all the extra description really isn't needed!

Thanks so much for requesting this! You really did capture my interest, and I hope my review was helpful! Please feel free to come back and request the next chapter whenever you like! :)

Author's Response: Phoenix_Flames,

Thank you for you incredibly insightful review! I'm glad you enjoyed it! My ego blossoms with you words ;)

I am taking your tip about her "aha" moment into account and am currently deliberating a method of integration.

As for your suggestion regarding her first trip to Diagon Alley, I may just make a comedic one-shot out of it. Thank you for your brilliant idea. Hopefully, this will make up for the lax in descriptiveness towards the end of the chapter.

I really appreciate your review! I've found it immensely helpful. :D

Cheers.


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Review #6, by Phoenix_FlamesDown Comes The Night: Chapter Eleven

18th June 2014:
Ah, Maggie! I finally did it! I'd taken a long break off from HPFF, and I've only recently come back. So I finally got around to reading this last chapter! I can't tell you how perfect and yet how bittersweet it was. I loved it so much. I think it was the perfect way to end it, given the circumstances.

I thought you wrote Salazar's time away from the castle perfectly. I could tell Helga was just so upset by everything, and it was all just so perfectly written. Especially the beginning of one of the sections when you wrote Helga as describing herself as a ghost that was as grey as the stone. Oh my gosh, most perfect description ever. It was so beautiful and it really got the emotions across perfectly. I was surprised Godric was able to bring him back! I have no idea what he said or did, but I was just glad he did it!

And then Salazar's letter! It was so sweet and emotional. I don't blame Salazar at all for having those emotions. I like that you wrote him as wanting to hate her but completely unable to. I think it's sad that they couldn't go back to the way they were, but I also think that reconciling without love is honestly the best outcome that was possible for them. I don't see Salazar ever being able to go back to the way things were, so it really was the best outcome.

And then Elaine's birth! Oh my gosh. It was just the perfect way to end the story with a child that can appear as the silver lining to their feuds. I was honestly concerned for Elaine's life, but I was so happy that she was okay! And that the baby was healthy! And I love that you made the child have red hair! That was just precious, and I don't know who the Weasleys descended from that far back, but I'll just imagine that it was possible they descended from Godric's second son! I would like to think that.

This was all just so perfect, and as always you blew me away with your words and your ability to make everything sound so whimsical and so moving. I love this story so much! I'm so glad I got around to finishing it!!

Well done, Maggie!! :)

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Review #7, by Phoenix_FlamesDown Comes The Night: Chapter Ten

25th September 2013:
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!! First off, I must apologize!! I can't believe it took me so long to get around to this chapter!! My schoolwork has kept me way too busy lately, and I only had the time to read this!

And I'm so glad I did!! Why didn't I have the time sooner?! I'm so glad you updated!! And you dedicated this chapter to me!! You are TOO SWEET!!! LOVE YOU!

Anyways, on with the review! I loved this chapter. I guess after all my anticipating how Salazar would react, I guess this isn't the worst. Thank goodness for that. I mean, yeah. He's mad. Wow. But I still have hope for them! Is that good? Or are you just stringing me along and are then going to crush my dreams in the next chapter?! :P I love them together!!

As always this was just a marvelously perfect chapter. So flawless. Your dialogue continues to amaze me. I just feel like I'm watching a movie or reading a book right out of this time. Reading/watching Game of Thrones, or the movie Tristan + Isolde. Or something like that. Even JKR writing the founders herself. That's what I feel when I read this. You just have this era down to a T.

Ahh, my dear! I loved it!! Thanks for the wonderful chapter as always! And the dedication!! You are too kind! :) I hope to read the next chapter soon!! :)


Drue

Author's Response: Oh Drue, I'm so sorry I haven't responded to this review before now! RL has so hectic over the past few months and I kept forgetting. But I'm so so happy you liked this chapter, and that you came by to review. And OF COURSE I dedicated it to you! You were the one that really got the wheels turning when I was stuck, so I had to thank you :)

I love them together too! But yeah, he's none too happy with Helga after this revelation. I actually had a really hard time deciding how harsh his reaction should be. I wanted it to be intense, but my 15+ rating is also really important to me. So I tried to get his devastation across--everything he knew about Helga has gone out the window, he feels--without being /too/ over the top.

I'm so flattered (and floored, really) by the Tristan + Isolde comparison, because that's one of my go-to movies to find inspiration for this story. It's always so great to hear that people really feel the antiquated-ness of the story, and that they're transported to another time when they read it. Thank you so so much!

I just don't even know how to say thank you for all your wonderful kind words! I'm frantically working on the final chapter (I WILL get it into the queue before it closes!), and I can't wait to see what you think of the ending. You are wonderful, darlin!

--Maggie



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Review #8, by Phoenix_FlamesDown Comes The Night: Chapter Nine

18th July 2013:
Ahhh, MAGGIE!!! Oh my gosh, such a great chapter. Out of all the things I imagined happening with the bogart, I did NOT expect this! I thought it would have been Salazar that caused a dilemma with his fear or something. Helga or Rowena even. But Godric was my last guess! Way to keep me on my toes! I love being surprised like that!!

I'm so glad you updated so quickly! I'm so hooked to this story, you don't even understand! I love it, I love it, I love it! Every chapter is always exciting and it surprises me. And every single time I read this, I am amazed at the dialogue you put together. It just flows so smoothly and it really does sound like what they would say and how they would talk.

Such a great chapter! Keep these updates coming! They make my day!

And you also made my day yesterday with those reviews. THANK YOU! I intend to go back and return the favor and review all my favorite chapters over here. ;)

Thanks, Maggie! And great job. As always!

Author's Response: DRUE YOU CAME! I'm so excited you liked the update!

I thought it was time for Godric to have a big moment, and this felt like the best way. Things kind of took a dark turn when he stepped up to the boggart, didn't they? Godric had just held the secret in for so long that it had to burst out somehow. And I do see the thought of losing his loved ones (or failing to protect them) as his biggest fear.

I'm really glad it's exciting for you! That's awesome to hear, especially since I always worry that things are kind of dragging. And I'm so happy the dialogue feels authentic :)

I'll try to keep updating pretty quickly this summer, so hopefully the wait won't be too terribly long. And you're so welcome! I've been meaning to review-bomb you for some time now, the House Cup just gave me an excuse to actually do it :). Thanks again for the awesome review!

--Maggie


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Review #9, by Phoenix_FlamesDown Comes The Night: Chapter Eight

8th July 2013:
YOU UPDATED!! And oh my goodness, this chapter was worth it! I loved it so much!

I loved all the sweet little moments with Helga and Salazar. They are so flippin' adorable. I swear, my cheeks are stinging now from smiling as I read this and giggling. They are just too precious. You really do write their relationship so very well. It's not just a romance, but true and passionate, and with the way you write it, there really is a sense of eloquence to it. It's Helga's thoughts and also their dialogue that just brings everything to life.

I thought this chapter was super great! And I like that they're kinda at that 'secret romance' stage right now. It's cute, and then I also loved how there at the end you had Godric come in with his suspicions!

Such a great chapter, Maggie!

Update again soon please! :D

Drue.

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, hi Drue! I'm so happy you stopped by! And fear not: chapter 9 is almost ready to go to the queue :)

I'm so glad the romance is coming to life for you! I really do love them too! It's so much fun to write their happy-couple scenes :D It's great to hear that they made you smile...that was the goal!

Godric is always a fun one to write. Helga can't keep a secret from him for long! Haha, I always enjoy writing their friendship.

Thanks again for the review, Drue! I'm so glad you're enjoying this, it means the world to me!

--Maggoe


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Review #10, by Phoenix_FlamesGhosts in the Snow: The Sentry's Pledge

4th April 2013:
Oh my goodness. I had been dying to read another Founders fic, and I had been searching and searching. It's just so hard these days to find a well written and original Founders fic. And then...I stumbled across this!! And I couldn't resist, and oh my goodness, hon, did I fall in love!!

This was such a great chapter! Such a great way to kick off the story, and it was so well written. I feel like the dialogue went along perfectly well with the time. I know I struggle a lot with that in one of my Peverell brothers stories. It's so hard to do, but you did it really well.

This was just a marvelous start to what I'm sure is going to be a brilliant story!

Favoriting! Please update soon! :)

Author's Response: Hey Phoenix! I'm sorry it's taken me an age to respond to this lovely review. I'm really happy to hear that you enjoyed this chapter so much! I'm going to update very soon, and then updating will be much faster after that.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing :)
Athene xo


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Review #11, by Phoenix_FlamesIf Only By Blood: Chapter 1

29th March 2013:
WOW! I feel like that's all I've got to say right now. Just WOW.

I've never read a story where James and Albus seem to have such hatred, or even a negative relationship at that! I've written them with their differences, but wow! It is definitely a nice twist to the stories here on the archives. And poor Lily! I just feel awful for this terrible but brilliant situation you have put the Potter boys in. I'm dying to know what has made Albus be so bad. And for him to kill Lily!

I really will have to read on when I get the chance! You've absolutely drawn me in. And really well written.

Great job! Hope to stop by again soon!

- Drue

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Review #12, by Phoenix_FlamesEyes of a Survivor: Blown Away

26th August 2012:
Oh. My. Gosh. Oh my gosh!! I am SO glad I saw your status. This was an AMAZING piece of work! Absolutely beautiful.

I don't think I've ever read anything so bittersweet. This really was dark, so dark but I felt so moved by it. I love darker things. And it was such a unique take to see in the magical world! Wow, wow, wow. I loved seeing the more human side of Draco. We know he has a good sense of morals and humanity, but I never felt as if JKR really elaborated on it, so I thought it was so nice to see the emotional and devoted side of him in this.

Really. This was a great, great, GREAT piece of work. I have no CC to give whatsoever.

Favoriting this piece right now!! I'm so glad I read this! It's not very often that you come across a beautiful and eloquent piece, emotionally, plot-wise, and also in words. This was flawless!

Author's Response: Ahhh I'm so happy you liked this piece so much!! I really loved diving into the darkness of Astoria's life, but at the same time I couldn't help but hate what I was doing to her. Draco's part was one I was unsure how readers would take, because he is a good person in this, so I'm very happy you liked it.

Thank you so much for an awesome swap and an absolutely perfect review ♥


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Review #13, by Phoenix_FlamesWhen You Go: Chapter One.

24th August 2012:
Hello there!

So I was scrolling through the forums, looking for something to do, and I came across the review tag thread and I decided to give it a go! I found this story and started to read, and I absolutely fell IN LOVE with this piece!

I thought it was great. It was so moving, and it was such a different piece from any other dramas/romances, etc! I loved the complexity of Scorpius' relationship with Draco. I like how different it is from what is normally portrayed. And I love that he understands because he's in love with Rose. I loved that.

This is beautiful. So beautiful and captivating. You really captured Scorpius' emotions perfectly.

I think this story has so much potential, and I really would like to see where it goes! You'll probably see me back for more in the future! So glad I found this! :D

Drue

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for tagging me! :) I'm excited about the new thread, think I'll get involved there a bit more than I used to.

You fell IN LOVE?! That's great! I'm glad you liked it so much. You're the first reviewer to comment on the fact that although he hates it, Scorpius understands because he loves Rose. It's a complex thing going on here.

Thank you for all of your lovely, kind words. I'm very glad that you like my story so much, and I'm looking forward to continuing it! It was originally going to be a one-shot, but it seems there is much more to say. I think a Scorose has snuck up on me.

Thanks again!
Athene xo


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Review #14, by Phoenix_FlamesThrough His Eyes: The First Meeting

1st August 2012:
Hey there, hun! I'm so sorry about the delayed review! You know I'm pretty busy, but I'm sorry about how long I'm taking! With your review and with your chapter. I'll get that back to you ASAP! I'm sorry.

But anyways! I'm here now, and I'm so glad I was able to get around to this!

This was a great chapter! I liked how you moved forward through everything in the beginning of the chapter. There were some pretty heavy descriptions, but it didn't slow the plot down at all or make things seem too slow at all. It was nicely paced and spread out, and it was all necessary. Not only that, but you have such a talent for descriptions. You really, really do. They're unique and paint a perfect picture in my mind. Really excellent job.

Great job with the characters as well! I can tell they're starting to develop their personalities. Lucius is actually seeming like a human being to me, and Sage is so unique! I love it! This is great!

Anyways! I could go on and on about all the things I loved and turn into a fan girl, but I'll just end it here. This was a great chapter. Thanks so much for requesting. I'd love to hit the next chapter, but I've got to empty out the rest of my queue and then I'll be working on your chapter. ;) So feel free to come request again!

Thanks, hun!

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Review #15, by Phoenix_FlamesAn Interesting Turn of Events: Chapter 1

1st August 2012:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested! I'm really sorry about the delay, but I finally got around to it!

And I think you're off to a great start. You have some great potential for an interesting, great story. Sometimes Marauder era stories can get a little cliche, but I think you're off to a great take on this.

I feel like Lily has established a good characterization. She isn't cliched or Mary-Sue. I think her personality really shines with her narration. You're doing great!

You're plot is having an awesome flow. I think it's important that the first chapter of a multi-chaptered story captures the reader and really pulls them in, and I feel like you have done just that here. You have really pulled me in, and I'm eager to learn more.

I think that's all I have to say! Not really much stood out to me that I could offer CC on, and I tried to hit characterization and plot, so all in all, I think you're doing pretty well!

Great job! I'll try and get around to the next chapter sometime soon, but I've got to empty out the rest of my queue first. But if I'm not back, then feel free to come request again anytime!

Keep up the great writing! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I wanted to be sure to make people want to read my story, so I'm glad it captured attention and was a good exposition.

I don't want Lily to be a Mary-Sue because it just doesn't seem right. She's young and a teenager, and she makes mistakes just like everyone.

I'll definitely re-request if you're not back.

Thanks for the review!

~Caitlin


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Review #16, by Phoenix_FlamesThe Joker and Her: The Investigation

31st July 2012:
And back for the next chapter. I'm sorry about the wait.

This one was fantastic! I don't really know what help your looking for, so I'm just going to tell you the things I liked. :)

This was a super gripping chapter. I was ready for something exciting, and you really brought it home hard! Great job!

The ending there with Douglas. Wow. That was an exciting twist, and now you have me really wanting to get around to the next chapters!

Again, you're still doing a great job with maintaining Brienne's character. That's fantastic!

Great job! I could go on and on, but I'll just leave it at that. Next time you rerequest, let me know what you would like to have me focus on so I can actually try to give some CC. But CC has become doubtful from me now with this story. I feel more fan-girlish. :P That's great though.

Again, awesome chapter as always! Well done, hun! Thanks for the request!

Author's Response: :D Hi! Thank you sooo much for your review, it always makes me giddily happy when someone says they can't think of any CC xD It probably shouldn't, but anyway!

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Review #17, by Phoenix_FlamesCollateral Damage: Greater Good

31st July 2012:
Oh. My. Goodness. Another one of your spectacular pieces that focus on minor characters with such a unique take.

I absolutely loved this. And Peter. What a unique character to do this with. I usually don't like Peter. He's just so.icky, I guess. :P But here you actually made me like him. I could sympathize with him, and I think that's one of your strong points. You can easily make the reader relate to the character, no matter who they're reading. And that's brilliant. That takes so much talent.

This was beautiful. So excellently. And especially the story summary. Way to draw me in! He enjoyed playing God. So perfect.

As always, I think I'm just ranting. But I have no idea what to say other than I LOVED it. But I've learned to never expect anything less from you. :)

Great job! Thanks so much for requesting!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! I've always felt bad for Peter, at least in the beginning he was a good person, unlike the Malfoy's who were bad to bone from the beginning, you know? And I figured, if I couldn't make him good, I could at least make him genius.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review, I was scared that when I requested this one you'd be disappointed. :)


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Review #18, by Phoenix_FlamesThe Pensieve: A Flower in a Jar

18th July 2012:
Oh my goodnes, Amanda. This is one of the most BEAUTIFUL pieces I have read in a while!

Oh wow. I love how you went about this one. I really love second person pieces. I feel like they put me into the middle of the story more, and I feel like I really do feel more. And that was no different here. I could feel the emotion.

This was such a different take on any Lily/Severus that I've ever seen! But I loved it. Wow, coming from Lily's narration and that part with Harry in the office! That really pulled at me and moved me.

Then the wedding! I love how you said 'it sealed his fate' along that lines. Which in truth he did. He loved Lily so much. I can only imagine how he felt at that time, and actually I never thought about it if he was there or not. Intersting though, but now that I think about it, I bet he did go.

Just in general this was a flawless piece. I didn't see any grammar mistakes, and I thought it flowed brilliantly. Again, sometimes second person is hard to conquer but you did an awesome job with it and definitely conquered this piece! Great job, hun!

Author's Response: Hey Drue! Thanks for coming by, and I'm planning to come return the favor very soon :)

I definitely felt like I was taking a risk by trying both second person and non-chronological style for the first time in the same piece, but they both seem to have gone over well, so that makes me really happy. I had fun using both techniques and will definitely keep trying them out as I go on!

Different is often what I go for, but I'm always a little afraid that it will divert too far from canon, so it's great that you enjoyed the differences here. I tried to play up Severus's calculating intellect, which is one of my favorite qualities for him, and Lily's 'darker' side, as I imagined it. I'm happy that you felt like the emotions came through well here.

The wedding was really sad to write - it was weird juxtaposing what should be a happy occasion (because I'm not heartless enough to despite James/Lily wholly, not quite) with something so sad, the feeling of utter loss. Defeat, really, which is where 'sealed his fate' came from. When I consider his natural tendency to observe and propensity for being in several places at once, it seemed only right that he would also watch Lily in this moment, even as painful as her beauty must have been.

You're very kind. Thank you so much! :)

-Amanda


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Review #19, by Phoenix_FlamesBreak Out: III.

18th July 2012:
Aww. I don't think I've ever read a piece where Ron is mostly the main focus. I like this change, and you've written him so brilliantly. We know sometimes he's pretty reserved, but when he does speak, he's passionate, and I could feel that. Oh my goodness I felt it there at Shell Cottage with him.

And now they have Charlie to worry about to?! I can't believe this! But they're right. Poor Ron. He doesn't get enough credit. He's been fighting by Harry's side for so long, and he knows exactly what they're going through. He does understand.

Ah! I can't wait to see where this goes. Jane, you're amazing! Great chapter.

Author's Response: I love writing Ron! I wrote a Ron/Luna short story a while back, and I've done a few things from his perspective, and I just love getting into his head. I'm glad you think I write him well! ♥ Ron's emotions are both fragile and strong, at the same time, and he really /feels/ things, I think. Gahh. I adore him.

Charlie indeed! I don't remember why I picked him, of all the Weasleys. I do have a soft spot for him, though, and it does seem fitting in some way. And he's got a bit of a role to play in later parts of the story, too -- at least one chapter from mostly his POV. ;)

I'm so happy you're enjoying the story so far! :3 And I really can't wait for you to read chapter 4, either -- somehow, I'm ridiculously excited to post it. But anyway. Your reviews are lovely!! Thank you so much!


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Review #20, by Phoenix_FlamesBreak Out: II.

18th July 2012:
Oh. My. Goodness. Jane!

Such a great chapter! I still feel like this entire story could go anywhere due to its AU, and that puts me on the edge of my seat! I can't wait to see where you will take this! And you've already changed so much! Oh my goodness, poor Neville! I can't believe it!

For a moment I thought he would be the savior. I thought he would do it or become the new Harry. But now. :( At least he killed Nagini, and I hope Hermione is okay!

Geez. This was such an intense chapter. I could feel all of it as I read, and I was seriously so worried for what would happen.

Hermione better be okay! The way you wrote that ending scene was so moving. I feel so bad for Ron. It took so long for them to kiss, and now for them to be separated like that! I have a feeling Hermione is going to be captured by the Death Eaters, and hence 'break out' will take place. Or I could be completely wrong. You've always managed to fascinate me beyond belief.

Great job, Jane!

Author's Response: Drue! ♥ I sort of love that aspect of this story, that I can really do pretty much anything with it. I kind of know where it's going, but it's a freeing sort of feeling knowing that I could totally veer off in a different direction... and people can't do anything about it. :P Neville killing Nagini is quite important, though! (He was another one I thought would die in canon, especially after the Sorting Hat incident.)

I'm actually really, really pleased to hear that you thought it was intense. :) I struggle with writing action scenes, and this was a sort of way to challenge that, so your positive feedback is so appreciated! I shall reveal nothing about Hermione's fate... or anyone's. Although your assumptions about the title are not off base. ;)

Thank you so much for dropping back by here and leaving me such lovely reviews! ♥ You're fab, and I really just appreciate it so, so much. Love you!


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Review #21, by Phoenix_FlamesBlack Orchid: Snatchers

18th July 2012:
Ahh! What a cliffy! Such a good chapter! Everything was so happy and going so well, and then Dominic has to come in and mess everything up. Ah. This isn't going to go over well.

Such a good chapter, Len! I'm finally caught up! Wooh!! Update soon, hun!

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Review #22, by Phoenix_FlamesBlack Orchid: Enough is Enough

18th July 2012:
AH! YES! The chapter I've been waiting for.

Oh my goodness. What a sweet chapter. This was brilliant. Poor Elsa. To think that much just while he went to go use the bathroom. But it was a necessary epiphany for her to realize, and so much came from it.

Ah. What a great chapter. This was absolutely great! YAY!

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Review #23, by Phoenix_FlamesBlack Orchid: Sirius Comes Clean

18th July 2012:
Len! I'm back for more! I can't believe how behind I am on this. I'm gonna catch up over the next few days!

And what a great chapter again! As always. You never fail to disappoint.

Ah, I had really missed reading your Sirius. I forgot how much I love him when you write him. Love him, love him, love him.

And this chapter did have me question some things. Like what Evander, Elsa, and even James said sometimes. That if Sirius had the scroll, could he have changed it? It's kinda sad to think about. If he had done something different, then Damon could be alive, but I'm not gonna think about that! I think Sirius was right in keeping it. The Egyptian could have killed them all. And Sirius is so in love with Elsa!

Haha I love that thought from James there at the end. Sirius definitely does have it bad for Elsa. ;)

Great chapter, Len! I'll get at least one more done tonight. :)

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Review #24, by Phoenix_FlamesOf Angels and Demons: Chapter 2

18th July 2012:
Ah! Reunited! The Davis' and the Winchesters and Bobby! And Cas is in there now. Ah so good.

As always I love how you write them. They all seem perfectly in character. Normally when I read something with a canon character I can't hear the actor's voice all too well. Like when I read Hermione, I don't always hear Emma Watson or something because it isn't conveyed all too well. But Bobby in particular here I can hear perfectly. The Bobby impression is flawless. And Castiel also.

Gah! Great chapter, Lee! I'm so glad I'm finally caught up! I will NOT get this behind again. :P

Author's Response: Yups, back together again.

Aww, thanks Drue! Yeah, I have that happen sometimes to. But I'm glad my characterization did that for you! That makes me happy. :D

Thanks Drue! And if you do, I shall poke you! :P


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Review #25, by Phoenix_FlamesOf Angels and Demons: Chapter 1

18th July 2012:
WOW! What a way to kick off the sequel, Lee! Ah, and Sentinel Prime. Again a perfect choice.

And then this chapter! Wow! I loved seeing Dean and Caitlyn together. So good. And I loved how Caitlyn made that comment about him being dead inside. I think it makes sense that Dean feels that way, and it's good for him to get that reassurance.

Ah. And then Cas there at the end. And then that huge surprise, wow! So Dean talked to God?! Holy cow! What an exciting twist!

I must move to the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: Hehe, thanks. :D

Yeah, 'Caitlyn' talking to him had been the plan since I had first watched that episode. And yup, it was God the entire time.

Yay!


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