This was certainly a good start to a story. :) However, there are a few things.
There were typos throughout the chapters, and a few sentences that didn't make sense. If you haven't already, consider going over to the forums and finding a beta to look over your chapters for you. :)
Also, sometimes it's nice to start out a story with a less informative chapter. It's sometimes off-putting to the reader when the first chapter is full of doom-and-gloom. In otherwords, you want the reader to know the character before asking the reader to sympathize with the character.
But, like I said, this is only a first chapter, and it was definitely better than the first chapters I wrote when I was 13. :D I hope to see you continue with this story!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. And as I read throughout the chapter I see that me writing in a tired state of mind isn't the best idea. That, and that I should really use spell check!
whyus Report Review
First off, let me say that I re-read the last chapter and the edits made a big difference! Only a few typos left, and you can't get them all, right? :)
An enjoyable and informative second chapter. One thing I noticed was your lack or punctuation at the end of any dialogue. It doesn't exactly make the story any less intelligible, but technically it should be there.
McGonagall's introduction at the very beginning of the chapter has lots of run-on parts.
Throughout the chapter, there were typos here and there, again. But nothing a quick run through shouldn't fix.
And . . . I'm not sure if you're going with the AU angle here, or just completely forgot, but Snape (so long as you're talking about the one we know and hate from the books) was killed by Nagaini in Deathly Hallows . . .
On the other hand, I very much enjoyable the bonding between Albus and James - very similar, the "hit it and quit it" type. :D
And I'm totally looking forward to reading about their shenanigans. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much, you rock 4 reading my story, my internet is on and off, but I try to update as much as I can. I don't do too much now but I always find time for harry. I do lots of stuff on fanfiction, but i am addicted to hp Report Review
I liked this so much! As soon as I saw 'Brad Paisely' I jumped eagerly into the story, because I just love him to death. :)
This way so much fun to read. I really liked the clumsy, mind-bumbling Sirius.
I think possibly my favorite part was the ending. I'm quite impressed by the way that you had the tragic death/Azkaban thing yet still had it end happily and believably. (People don't usually do that.) I seriously laughed at the last line! :DAuthor's Response: I really love Brad Paisley. One time, I bought ten of his songs on iTunes before I remembered I had a list that I was going to buy from.
Sirius was fun to write. He's essentially me and all my friends in male form: clumsy, voices-in-the-head, occasionally foul-mouthed, and easily distractable.
I couldn't make it totally AU, but I couldn't leave it sad. I'm a happy-ending kind of girl for the most part. Unless I haven't had sugar in a while or the story is mostly depressing.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Ooo! I liked this chapter! It was nice and long! :D
Also, just like six, it was much more fleshed out and rounded out than the first five. It just flowed really nicely all together.
Oh, man, everything's just going so perfect. I feel like Murphy's Law is about to kick in . . .
Are you continuing this story? 'Cause I would DEFINITELY love to read more. :DAuthor's Response: sgfsg thank you so much! :D
I'm working on it...slow and steady, but I'm still working. I plan on editing first.
Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Riley and Liv are gonna do it! (Lol, sorry. That's just my response whenever I watch a movie and I think the two characters are going to get together at the end - I figure it would work here, too.)
I love Fall Out Boy too! They're fantasmical. :D I've seen them in concert three times and they blow my mind. :D
Anyways, I feel like this chapter flowed much better than the previous five and I'm loving the action that's working up here. :DAuthor's Response: -shuts up in order to give away plot points-
Yay! I'll being seeing them for the third time in August. They're a favorite of mine too :D
Thanks I'm glad you noticed. I wrote it after all the other chapters and you can definitely tell because I buffed up my writing skills in between those couple of months. Report Review
Oh, thank you for the A/N. That cleared up many questions. :D Though I would suggest that you somehow incorporated it into the story, rather than as an A/N. Sometimes, things can't be fit into the story, but whenever you can work it in. You should.
Especially when you're working with a 3rd-person POV, you've got the ultimate power of readings minds, so you could easily convey the plan from Gen's thoughts.
Sort of relating the above comments, I would love to see you flesh this story out some more. It's much fun to read, but I'd like a little bit more in it, you know?
Anyways, it was quite a shock to hear that Gen's parents were dead, and I'm looking to see that all followed up in the next chapter.
PS - Does will like Gen? I'm getting that vibe . . .Author's Response: Ick, yeah this was a bad chapter for me. Like it was even beginning to confuse me, so that's there because it got my thoughts straight and hopefully the readers.
I'll do my best. I'm still learning, and again I've said this like 3 times before but these are so helpful. Plus I love your stories and really look up to you as a writer :D
Muhahaha you'll see... Report Review
Well, I'm visiting 'Hewitt' again, lol.
You cleared up what I was wondering last chapter (why the decided to switch their target to Sirius) only now I'm wondering why they did it? Was it just to get back at the guy who broke so many hearts? That makes sense, given the whole Gen comforts little third year girl in the corridor scene.
Anyways, I'm an continuously amused by the interactions between Sirius and Gen. She's quite the independent little girl, and it amuses me to see her withstand Sirius time and time again.Author's Response: Hewitt would very much like to give you a giant bear hug for all these helpful reviews.
You'll find out. It's pretty much because Gen is a bit of a hard ass and doesn't like seeing someone with that much...power?
Honest to God, this is an idea from when I was 12 and is partially based on a Skye Sweetnam song, so it's got it's kinks.
And yeah I'm pretty proud of her. She's strong than I am haha Report Review
I loved reading the scene between Sirius and Gen. It was so much fun. :D Sirius' complete dumbfoundness and Gen's witty comebacks.
What I would love to see is more in the mind of Sirius Black. And, as I mentioned before, some physical descriptions of the OCs.
Also, I was just wondering about the whole switch thing. I'm a little confused as to why they're targeting Sirius all of a sudden? Does it still have something to do with Mary?Author's Response: The best reason I can come up with on the spot is the Gen is a complete hard ass and hates seeing one person have that much...control?
Honestly, it's really just to get the plot going. And it's been in my head since I was about 12 and is slightly based on a Skye Sweetnam song. So yeah, I guess that really isn't a good sign.
be right back, editing the crap out of this~ Report Review
Haha, I was so excited to yell, 'I think it's Sirius! I think it's Sirius!' And then your A/N gave it away . . . But I was still right, so it's all good. :D
I loved the meeting in the dark corridor between Sirius and Gen. I could totally see it playing out in my mind.
Colin sounds exhausting . . . He sounds like a boy I know. One that I would also like to throttle.
Oh, and, I don't know if you do it in later chapters, but you may want to give a physical description of your characters before the reader makes up his or her own. Because then it's awfully hard to change it back. :)
Off to chapter three! :DAuthor's Response: ahaha sorry about that!
everyone has a colin, unfortunately :(
I shall! Thanks, your reviews are really helpful! Report Review
I really really liked this first chapter!
I love Gen and her devious friends, and that little covenant of helping people they've formed.
Your grammar is mostly good (a few errors here and there,) and the only other complaint I have is that it is too rushed in spots. This story's too funny to be rushed. Maybe consider going back and fleshing it out a bit?
Anyways, I totally enjoyed this, and I'm on to chapter two! :DAuthor's Response: ahhh no! My responses aren't showing D:
ok I'll do my best to remember:
OH MY GOSH YOU REVIEWED EVERY CHAPTER?! THANK YOU SO MUCH :D
and yeah, I'll be going back and fixing those, but unfortunately the queue is closed D:
and thanks again! wow, this made my day! :D Report Review
It's a good start. But also just a tad rushed.
However, there were quite a few grammatical mistakes, especially when it concerned dialogue. I would consider getting a beta-reader to take a look at your chapters before you submit them.
Also, be careful of conflictions. At first, you say that the girl has caramel-blonde hair, and then you say that she is "the dark haired girl."
Although there were errors, it was still an entertaining chapter. And it could definitely develop into a good story! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much 4 reading!:) basilisk14 and hannah banana are both my bffs so u r my first real review :) p.s anastasia reminds me of me :):):):):):):) i should be updating soon so please look, and i'll go and edit thans again
-ginnyfangrl p.s i'm a retard and addicted 2 my computer Report Review
This was cute. :D
Almost all of the grammar stuff for correct, but sentences were choppy at times.
I completely enjoyed this, none-the-less. And I think it would be fantastic as part of a larger story, with a build-up. :DAuthor's Response: Thankyou for the review!! Im glad you enjoyed it!! It is my favourite!! sorry about the choppy sentences. =]
~LillyLover22~ Report Review
Not much that we didn't catch the first time. A few typos and some spacing errors between paragraphs.
The only other thing is the chapter title; the first letter of each word should be capitalized: 'Kate Saves the Day.'
Oh, those crazy Marauders, at it again, eh? Disappearing bones, matchmaking, shoe destroying - someones going to get it! :D
Can't wait for chapter for - email it as soon as you're done! :DAuthor's Response: in due time i've got a bunch of stuff on my plate at the moment and curently burried under it all Report Review
Lovely, dear. :D
I'm absolutely thrilled to see this chapter posted!
There were a few typos (which were my fault, but you can be perfect, right?) And they weren't distracting at all.
Also, there was a bit of funny spacing. Sometimes there was one enters, sometimes there were three. If you've got time, you may want to go back and fix those.
Anyways, I'm so excited to see this finished piece, compared to what we started with! (And I'm just as eagerly awaiting the second chapter!) Report Review
You've got me so hooked on this story - honestly. This story is so well-rounded, and it's not just some mindless story (though I do love those as well.) Instead of hilarious characters and situations (don't get me wrong, though, this story has got tons of those as well,) it's a good, thorough plot, and the need to know what happens next that keeps me reading these and dreading when I hit chapter 15, and have to wait for the next one.
If there was one weakness, I'd say it's probably character development. That's of course, respective to the rest of the story, which is just incredible -so in all actuality, your character development is quite good. I also think it's hard to grasp characterization exactly when you're only eight chapters in and have six different, complex two-sided characters to focus in on. So, judging by that, I'd say you're doing an incredible job. :DAuthor's Response: Yay, I'm glad you're hooked! I hope you do keep reading. So far you've seen the poor judgment and immaturity I promised, and there's an explosion of temper next chapter. ;)
Oh, god, the characters. I usually characterize extensively, so this is killing me. I hope to develop them more, because the plot has been so busy that there was really no chance. But I'm glad you think my 6 main characters are complex enough. =]
Thank you for another great review, and I hope you continue to read and enjoy!
~CSG Report Review
Awww, very cute and sweet. I liked it. And I would definetly go have a 'bloody fantastic' snog with a cute boy who just ate chocolate. Definetely. :D
There were a few gramamtical errors and such. Nothing too bad, but I little distracting. You might want to consider giving it a once over before submitting? Or if you're not too good at that (I know I'm not, especially with my own work) maybe ask someone you know to look over it for you. :D
Anyways, I thought this was a really sweet little one shot, kinda made me excited for Valentines Day, you know, with the chocolate and all. :DAuthor's Response: thanks for the advice! when I have more time I'll go back and fix the errors I missed. thanks again! Report Review
I really loved the way you started the paragraph with a vivid description of the atmosphere. Let's just say, it really made me miss summer. :D
The behaviors of the kids and Ginny and Harry completely remind me of the way way my family is, and it's so nice to have familiarity in the stories you read.
Ooo, intrigue in the last sentence. My first thought was ooo, he's like Harry. My second thought was ooo, he's like Voldemort.
Looking forward to reading more. :)Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review. It is the first I have recieved so I thank you. I have tried writing for fun but on comparison found the description in my writings to be less than adiquate. The Family actions are based off my Family so I am glad you thought it was realistic. Thank you ever so much. Report Review
I love AU stories (especially AU Marauder stories) so when I saw this, I couldn't keep from clicking on it.
I have to say, I really enjoyed this. At times, the dialogue and description seemed a little rushed (along with the Evans' acceptance; I feel like it probably should have taken them a little longer, and possibly a call to the police before they believed Dumbledore,) but sometimes those things are in prologues.
There were only a few grammatical or foremating errors, and nothing that was particularly distracting from the writing.
Anyways, I'm very much looking forward to an update; this is going to be interesting. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! well I know, I felt that too, but I wasn't sure how to get the ball rolling as it were...thats possibly the first time anyone has said that my english language wasn't that bad...im happy now...and an update is on the way, thanks again! Report Review
:D I like it! It ended rather upbruptly, but I absolute love the way that it isn't all romantic and Lily realizes she loves James and says yes. It's just that she got so annoyed that she finally agreed . . . And then ran away - which was the icing on the cake. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks! =] This was our first attempt at a fanfic. We were avoiding cliche's and thought we'd be different. Report Review
Haha! I really liked this a lot! It sounds kind of like a couple of other fics I've read, but I just can't get enough of ones like these! :D
When Sirius said he broke up with his girlfriend for the summer, it completely reminded me of one of my friends who did that. It's understandable, thought, I think . . .
Anyways, I hope you end up posting the rest of this! I'd really like to read it.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!! :) I'm still working on the story... I put it on hold while I'm working on my other stories! I do intend to get back to it, though! I hope you'll read it when I do! :)
Thanks so much! Report Review
Because everyone knows that heíll date his best friend, shag some other people of both genders and have lots of escapades at Hogwarts. Because thatís why kids go there. Itís not so they can learn magic: itís so they can learn to procreate.
That was just the most brilliant paragraph. Ever. And the sad part is - it's so true. In the books theres a fair share of magic and classes written into the plot; in most stories, classes don't even seem existant, or are mentioned in passing. (I plead guilt to that on some accounts.)
I positively loved this, and of all the purposely-making-fun-of-cliches stories, this was definetely the most outlandish, and therefore the best. So thank you, for that bit of humor. :DAuthor's Response: Hahahahahahahaha. Wow. It's really sad when reading my own work makes me crack up.
Yes, the sad thing is that most Hogwarts stories don't EVER have a class. EVER.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the compliment. =] You're very welcome for the humor, and thanks for reviewing!! Report Review
This was absolutely brilliant! I'm a firm believer that those stories written in the middle of the night are the best.
I postively loved the slightly out of character, dorky Scorpius, and his coniving, evil sister. I loved his completely out-of-her-mind mum, and his oh-so-Draco dad.
But most of all, I loved his girlish squeal at the end while Rose kissed him.
I am SO off to look for those sequels, prequels whatever they are now. :DAuthor's Response: thank you! youve totally made my day with your review! oh yeah, im that cool... =D
unfortunatly atm the story focusing on Draco and Bianca has been hidden, and, even though ive made the edits nessicary, it hasnt been unhidden, so... Report Review
I must say, I'm completely and unconditionally entertained by this story. As I read more and fanfiction, it takes more to get a laugh out of me, because I've basically read it all.
But I laughed at least five seperate times while reading this chapter, and more with the rest of the story.
Scorpius is just the most hilarious little perve that I've ever met. And Teddy is the hot older guy that everyone wants.
And I am the one eagerly awaiting the next chapter. :DAuthor's Response: I'm so happy that you like the story and have been entertained. I'm never sure if what I write is actually funny or if I'm just insane.
so it's good to know you were laughing.
scorpius is my favorite perv in the world.
i've just submitted the next chapter to be validated and it looks like itll take about a week.
thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Very cute. Short and sweet.
Sometimes you don't want to get invovled in a 100-chapter fic with a complicated plot; I really enjoyed reading this. :DAuthor's Response: thank you! that's what i was aiming for... :)
-xoxo, rowenaravenclaw94 Report Review
Haha, even just the thought of Ron having to watch a little baby all on his own compelled me to read this story. :D
I found this quite entertaining. Ron desperately looking to others for advice on something he should have figured out a year ago - so Ron.
My only complaint is the lack of detail. Especially in a short story, detail is important; each chapter must have sustinance to make up for the overall lack of elongated and sub-plots.
Also, can I have your email? I've finished the Arabella Sicilio banner. I've experimented a little bit with style (few of my banners are quite so dark) so let me know what you think of it. I can always change something if it's not perfect.Author's Response: Im a new user at the forums, I just made an account. Its my username that Im using to write fanfiction. THanks! Report Review
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