Wow! This story is filled with emotion and suspense and all that jazz. I love it! I think that you should update as soon as possible!!
LMAuthor's Response: haha thanks! Glad you like it! Report Review
This was amazing! The writing was spectacular and you have amazing word choice. It was fluid and catchy. The entire chapter just hooked me, and I'm desperate for more...(hintdoublehint) haha. I definitely think you should try to write more! It's not often that I'm hooked by a WIP story, and so I really, really want you to write more...please?!
I love your Lily, she's hilarious and awesome, very relatable. And even though we haven't really met James yet, he seems super awesome. I got an amazing mental image when you described her last memory of him, so I want to read more about him and how the dynamics of their relationship works out!
LMAuthor's Response: You are so amazingly sweet! I know there are a horrendous amount of typos in this chapter, so I'm really glad you found it enjoyable anyway. I know, being hooked by a WIP story is often dreadful and suspenseful, but I do have the next chapter ready. I'm just waiting for the queue to be open :D
Thank you! I kinda like her too ;) I'm hoping my James will turn out awesome, but, sadly, he doesn't show up in chapter two. Maybe three - we'll see.
Your review made me smile a bunch, so thank you, and I will. Report Review
I really enjoyed this, as short as it was. I think that you captured a good sarcastic tone with Lily that will surely be expressed throughout the story. I cannot wait to see how you portray James as well. The only problems I had with your story were that James and Lily were teenagers in the 70's, they were murdered in 81, so they wouldn't live in the illicit 80's. And the other is that I hope you don't continue to use chatspeak in your story such as WTF. I understand the reasoning but it's much nicer to read works that expand on their vocabulary.
Other than that, your first chapter was lovely. I wish you the best of luck for your story!
LMAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm sorry it was so short, I just thought since it was the prologue and all I might as well not go all out on it. Thank you, I was pretty unsure when it came to Lily, actually. I didn't know if I should've just stuck to the whole stereotype of Lily being a fiery, always-angry-redhead who's constantly mad at James or actually give her feelings. Yeah, the story's set in the 1980 so I thought it would make sense, I didn't know if I'd get away with it. I'll try not to :)
Thank you so much for the review, (I love your story Bragging Rights and White Houses) I'm a huuge fan and I hope you keep reading! Report Review
Wow! Okay, that was great.
There were a few problems I had--such as we never found out what happened with Severus and James, and that made me sad. I assumed that Snape called Lily a mudblood, but I dunno. And also, the makeout session at the end moved much to quickly. haha. But it wasn't completely horrible ;)
I really liked your writing and the ideas and execution of such was impeccable. I liked the "maybe I light up when James walks into the room as well" or whatever it was, that line was adorable!
LMAuthor's Response: Thanks you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it. I've actually gotten that comment about the makeout scene more than once, so maybe I'll go back and revise. Thanks again! Report Review
That was adorable! I loved James's character--especially since he acted like a semi mature guy. Aw, it was just magnificent! I loved it all, really. Great job!!
LMAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! This James is different in a very subtle way from how I normally write him. I kind of liked a break from the crude comments and immaturity, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Report Review
Yay! The introduction! I'm so excited to see the interaction of the two characters, which proves you've delightfully set your story. I enjoy that there's been suspense and a fair bit of back story. I just hope that it continues at this pace.
Overall, I think you've got a great story here! Please don't hesitate to come back to my thread when you've updated! Although, I doubt you'll need to, I'm adding this to my favorites. haha. Great job!
LMAuthor's Response: Thank you! It's exciting, isn't it? =P It took a while to get to this point, but I'm happy with the setup up to here. It will definitely continue at this pace.
Thank you so much! I'll definitely take you up on your offer when you have a spot open. Thanks! Report Review
I'm enjoying the split up chapter, although I would enjoy a bit more in terms of length. I like that Draco seems capable of affection from the get-go, but I'd like to know more of his thoughts. Why does he act like a git if he has a soul, ya know? Hermione's job seems practical and I liked her not knowing the exact answer but seemingly coming upon it. It showed her know-it-all nature while still making her seem like a young adult in the newly adult world.
So far I'm enjoying your story and I think it has a strong beginning!
LilyMariaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I know that the chapters are very short, but I'm trying to keep it that way. I don't want to go into detail that I don't need to. I just want to tell the story, you know? And I'm trying to keep it one big idea, like one big one-shot. Thank you! Report Review
I like that your prologue doesn't include anything relating the the pairing, that it is actually in the past and isn't trying too hard to make an excuse for the dramione ship. I don't have any criticism, as I believe the characters seems pretty well developed for such a short scene and the word choice was rather nice. It seems like an excellent beginning to a story!
LilyMariaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I knew it was a risky choice to not start right off with the Dramione action, but I'm trying to set up an important plot point before they meet. You'll see =P Thank you so much! Report Review
ADORABLE! I loved it sooo much! I love the entire concept, and I adore that fact that Lily only truly realized she likes James because she couldn't have him. It makes total sense instead of some complicated scene, you know? I really, really like it!!
LMAuthor's Response: Aw thanks hun! I like reviews like that. All squishable and such. Epic win. :) Report Review
I love this! It was really well written, especially the entire snog session. haha. I like that it wasn't the typical Lily/James, but more of a fully crafted love story that didn't necessarily need an introduction. I really liked it!
LM Report Review
Firstly, the description in this chapter was impeccable, and truly beautiful in a figurative language way. I thought that the entire story flowed with such ease and it was truly something that stayed on my mind (I had to leave and come back to review) so, bravo!
Secondly, I'm terribly sorry that this took forever for me to review!! I sincerely apologize for the time it took for me to review your story, but it was worth the wait for me! Your story is beautiful and something of a treasure!
LMAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the amazing review. i am so pleased that you liked this. it was a different style for me to write but i really had fun with it. thanks again. Report Review
Please continue! This sounds like it could develop into a very good story, but just don't try to go too fast with it. I think if you take the time to write their relationship slowly and developing, this story could be amazing! Really! Please continue!
LM Report Review
I like it! A few grammatical errors, but other than that, it was very nice. please update soon!
LMAuthor's Response: yeah-I plan to fix those once the queue opens up again:) Thanks for reviewing!
~hpf14 Report Review
I agree that next chapter should be longer, as condensing an entire year into a thousand words or so is incredibly limiting. I like how you've characterized the boys, and also how you've maintained the character of Shelley, and so that's all well.
The whole friendship with Remus was incredibly rushed. I liked the meeting, but immediately after it felt rather sudden that she knew everything about him.
Other than the shortness, I think you've got a good story on your hands.
Best wishes, and happy writing,
LMAuthor's Response: Yeah, I think since there is down time on the queue I'll go back and add more here and there in Second year. Thanks though, like I said, characterization and me click. lol
And thinking back I agree that the friendship was rushed, I'll have to work on that when I go back and edit.
But thank you! I'm glad you like it.
:] Report Review
I liked the introduction to your characters--very strong characterization and background information. I like your main character, and I'm interested to see where everything from this goes.
Very good story so far!
LMAuthor's Response: Thank you!
I'm glad that you thought so! Characterization has always been my main focus, though I should focus more on other things to. lol
Thanks again! Report Review
Hey there super Granger! How've you been?
I saw that you posted this and the Minor problem story up again, and I just wanted to know if you would like me to redo any of your banners? (I've gotten much better at handling my software, so I can promise they would look much better than the banners that I gave you all those months ago)
If so, feel free to email me. It would be my pleasure to redo them! Email is, in case you forgot, ghstlily 14 @ aol . com (remove the spaces)
LilyMariaAuthor's Response: OK, sounds great. Thank you very much.
Hugs and Kisses,
That was extremely funny. I haven't laughed out loud at a story in ages. It was a very nice, light read. I really liked it! Great job! I'm adding it to my favorites.
LMAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm so glad to hear you liked it :D Report Review
A few quotes:
Peter Pettigrew—the fat one—wheezes. “Y-yes stopping sounds like a good—”
“Shut up, Wormtail.”
This made me laugh a lot! I could totally picture it in my head!
and I’m all hormonal and—”
Someone behind me sucks in their breath.
That was hilarious! I laughed for a good five minutes. I love your humor--very subtle and believable and dry humor. I love it!
I like the dynamic you've set between all of the characters, and how you have set McGonagall as someone with real authority, but still has a good heart. And I think you have very visual writing--I could definitely see this scene playing out.
I really love it so far, and I can't wait for the next chapter!
LilyMariaAuthor's Response: Haha you leave the best reviews. :D Thanks again, ch 3 should be up in no time. Report Review
Wow! This is really good quality writing! I love the beginning, how you repeated yourself to get the point across, and I love her character. I find it very interesting, and I love the story so far. I like the characters, simply because they are different--the marauders have a very good domain, they all seem to get along, and little pathetic peter isn't slumping off into a corner to avoid being seen in the story. I like your story so far! 10/10.
LilyMariaAuthor's Response: Wow thanks a lot! Funnily enough I never saw it that way but I guess it just comes naturally. :D I try my hardest not to push Peter to the side. Thanks for noticing! Keep reading 8D Report Review
I really liked it, I just wish you'd of have more, ya know? Maybe continue it? It was really good! I like your character development.
LM Report Review
Eek! It was lovely! I wish there's been more =)
I really love how you incorporated the two points of view, because they seemed to fit a lot better with there being the secret not sleeping Lily. Update soon! I really love your story!
LMAuthor's Response: I know *blush* I'm going to try and write lot's for the next chapter :)
Thank you so much - such wonderful praise!! Report Review
Wow! I really love it so far! I cannot wait to read the next chapter! Please, please update soon! It's amazing!
LMAuthor's Response: awesome, thanks!
The next chapter is submitted :) Just waiting for validation!
Merci m'amie! Report Review
Hi there! I really loved it, but it was definitely way too short! I think you should take this one shot down, and make the story a short story or novella. You could describe, in short or long length depending on your preference, the dreams, and the aftereffects with James, and you could develop your characters more, even though they seem rather developed already...
My point is that I really loved this, and I want more =)
LMAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the advice! Really, it's greatly appreciated. I realize that (against my better judgement) I had a pretty decisive ending here, which, of course, since I'm asking if I should continue I should not have done at all. I will think about rewrtting, but it may be a while - I have quite a few projects floating out in space at the moment, all of which I need to update immediately lest I be on the recieving end of a hell of a lot of rath. Anyway, I'm rambling again. Thank you for the suggestions and the review!
On a side note, I absolutely adore Bragging Rights and Adoration. They are two of my favorite stories on this site - I have a few I'm interested in, but your stories capture and hold me attention so well! Again, thanks for the advice. Report Review
I really want there to be something between Lily and Marcus...even though he's dead...is that weird? =)
I really love your story and I've been reading since you last updated. I read the entire thing in like three hours, and I was blown away by it. It's amazing. Please update soon! I know that it's easier said than done, but I'm seriously craving more!!
And yes, I would definitely be interested in reading more about Marcus!
LMAuthor's Response: Haha, no, it's not weird, I kinda do, too :D I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so much :) I will most certainly update soon, I have so many ideas I feel like they're suffocating me :P Which is a good thing for your sake.
Thanks for the response and the review ^^, I really appreciate it :) Report Review
I really enjoyed the honesty in the dialogue that you don't usually see with the romantic stories, usually there's a ton of monologues and quick banter that revolves around the characters suddenly being poetic and such. But I liked how you kept your characters true throughout the entire piece, and how they didn't seem to ever change, and yet they both went through transformations seemingly.
Your Lily is enjoyable because she is stubborn and quick-witted, just as most picture her, but also vulnerable and honest in a way that is human nature, but not always featured. She's definitely unique.
James is amazing in this story. He's just the sort of typical guy that he never seems to be written as. He's perfect in a ton of imperfection. And the fact that he isn't some romantic sap that is pining after Lily (quite the opposite at times) is refreshing and fitting to his character. He wanted Lily, and he got her, but he is totally still a male, and therefore not resolved on the marriage. I always thought it was a bit silly that James would propose quickly and Lily would accept, I figured it would happen mostly like this, albeit leaving the Dylan part out (it was a nice touch though).
I liked how Sirius came to his best mate's defense and showed his true colours, both of the men not being overly skilled with their speech, and yet still adorable!
The eight rules were very nice as well, and I enjoyed reading those. I loved how you formatted the story. As well, your word choice was impeccable, and I found it also refreshing to read something literate for a change.
I loved your story and I think you did a fantastic job!
LilyMariaAuthor's Response: oh god, how do you even respond to such high praise? :blush: thank you... really, thank you so much. i cannot begin to describe how much it means to me to hear that, particularly your notes on enjoyign that they ARE flawed as i always have preferred writing flawed characters in comparison to the perfect ones we so often read of...
it means a great deal to me that people can agree with my route and actually enjoy it...
thank you, again! Report Review
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