Ah, what an exciting chapter. Sorry I wasn't here sooner, I hadn't been around much last week and only showed up again a few days ago XD
LOL I loved how even the librarian is entranced by Tom Riddle. The quip that he always puts the books back made me smile. I suppose it doesn't take much to make some people happy, huh?? haha. And then the fact that she lets him take more books than usual simply in the hopes that he might remember her when he's writing famous editorials and things lol.
I also enjoyed his consideration of whether he should let the basilisk out already, and how he eventually decided not to. Much more realistic. Just small details like that, where peoples minds wander...
I was a little confused as to the whole Walburga thing. I mean I wasn't sure what he's planning to do to get her to help him. Though I was really pleased that he used the Imperius curse - was it his first time using an unforgiveable? I forget now. But still, can you explain that in your response?
Obviously the best part is the end where he actually kills for the first time. I'm really curious as to who the girl is - she had a mirror!! LOL. Is she of some relation to James? I was also curious because I thought Myrtle had been the only student to die during the attacks. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be Myrtle or not, but I'm guessing not because Myrtle died in the bathroom.
I loved the way he discovered the room of requirement, though he doesnt seem to know what it is yet. I love how you threw that in because now there is good explanation for why he hid that tiara thing in there.
Well, nice going. I had a few questions in this chapter but overall it was great. I read it really fast haha. It was one of those chapters where you're hooked and you cant stop reading until its done.Author's Response: Thanks!
The librarian was fun to write :) She isn't a very clever woman, and Tom managed to charm her over the years, in the hope that she would be a bit more lenient towards him...
Ah... Walburga... That was tricky. Well, I wanted to use her again, because the fact that they were at school together still intrigues me. In my mind, Tom needed some help. Not with the attacks, but he mustn't be found! And then, he wouldn't have confided in his "friends", so I figured he could have imperiused the Head Girl, Walburga, so that she would cover for him. The prefects and Heads will be interrogated following the attack in case they have some information to share. Walburga will say that she saw Tom in the common room or something...
And yes, it was the first time he used an unforgivable, in my fic at least.
I think. Oh well.
He didn't kill!! He thought he had killed, but the girl saw the Basilisk through the mirror! I thought Tom probably wouldn't know about that, and the basilisk might have, but it had to flee. So Myrtle is still the first student who has been killed :) (unless I change that later, who knows... lol )
I knew that you would ask about the girl being related to James! Well, I thought about that, and I guess you can imagine whatever you want (I might answer in the next chapter): it all happened a long time ago, and the mirror is probably the kind of objects that is passed in the family, or it might be in any case...
Yes, I wanted him to discover the Room of Requirement now. It had to be by accident, of course, as he thought he was the only one who had ever seen it. He will go back there, explore it and all later on :)
Thanks for all your question :) I suppose I'll go back and edit a few things (especially about Walburga) to make them clearer... Report Review
Darn you, cliff hanger, darn you.
I have yet to review, but now I will. First, I'm glad you updated again because I found this story quite a while ago and there were several months after chapter 2 where there was nothing XD
I love the realism you create, with real injuries, and real deaths. Benjy Fenwick was interesting because I never really thought of him as the drill sergeant type lol. But really, he could be anybody. His death was a shock, as it should have been. I'm glad you were effectively able to get that across. I mean, we had only just met the guy. I love James's stubbornness about staying with Remus, but his eventual acceptance that things still have to be done or people will continue to die. Poor guy, he was probably torn. I loved both Sirius and James in chapter one. Its the chapter that hooked me, and now I cant even remember details, but just so you know, I remember I loved them!!! lol.
Sirius was great in this chapter, jumping to action and all and hiding behind the tapestry. I was confused about the apparition, though. I eventually decided that the didnt actually apparate, since they were still in the same room... lol. But I guess I dont know what happened because Sirius got the tight feeling and there was a crack... Did James splinch or something?
Otherwise, great chapter. I could totally feel the nervousness and anticipation of hiding behind a tapestry while Death Eaters are in the room. I loved that Sirius took the time to consider what it'd be like if James died. And I have a feeling that the rescuer is Remus.
BUT I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE lol so update soon, please.Author's Response: Omygosh...
I actually gaped at the screen when I saw this review. I think this is possibly the longest review I've ever received in my life!!
The apparition bit confused everyone, I think and I've really got to explain that in the next chapter. I mean, it made sense in my head...lol!
Chapter One is my favourite so far and I think you can probably tell, I'm glad you liked it.
Anyway, thanks so very much for your spectacular review, it truly made my day! XD
LOL somebody is a little behind on review responses, eh? You don't have to respond to mine if you don't want to. =D
Anyway, I really love Tiberius! I loved him from the second I read that he was happy that there were no students in the school. Haha, he sounds like a grumpy sort that has a heart of gold. I loved the "for once he would be able to get work done with no interruptions" and then as soon as its said, the owl taps on the window. It made me grin.
Well, surprisingly, I found myself actually a little disappointed that Lyra had died. But I really enjoyed the whole part about the family history. So like purebloods, and its always so interesting how they end up ruining their own bloodline in the end because they refuse to branch out a little. Lyra's determination to change things, mixed with the fact that she cared about Emma, really makes me like her.
So, even more than that, I enjoyed it when Tiberius went to pick Emma up. The whole thing was somewhat humorous and at the same time it was somewhat sad. I dislived Fulvia right away, as you probably meant to happen, with her horrible perfume and clashing house. Cloeia was hilarious, which probably makes me look cruel haha. God! I'm sorry!! I dont know what is wrong with me that I'm so mean! I just had to smile that the poor woman was upset that she would be left alone with Fulvia!
Now Emma seems somewhat odd. She seems obviously intelligent, and definitely a little mistreated. Just the way she didn't really talk to Grimm at all until she learned what he was there for struck me as odd. I suppose usually when I see stories similar to this, where there is a mistreated person that is rescued, they aren't so... thoughtful. Though she did immediately become more excited when she learned she'd be leaving! Tiberius cracked me up throughout the entire visit with his thoughts and actions.
I especially liked when he thought about the look on McGonagall's face.
I really enjoyed the descriptions in this chapter, particularly in the beginning when you were describing the classroom. It sort of gave an impression of what Tiberius is like before you ever even started to say anything about him. Anyway it created perfect imagery in my mind. :)
LOL I still think Tiberius is great. I love grumpy people.
Author's Response: Tiberius is like the perfect OC - not Gary Stu, but not too off-beat either. He's himself, and stubbornly so. =P I'm hoping that he's the "original character" who got me nominated for that Dobby. He certainly deserves it (while Emma, who can be a bit of a weird one, isn't so great). Even I'm cruel to her, which shows how well the story will go for her in the end. ;-) Anyways, I'm really elated that you like Grimm. I love him to bits, which is why I even wrote a one-shot about him. He's hilarious and sarcastic - perhaps a bit of House ended up in him, who knows? It's also great that you like the descriptions - I try to make them interesting so that they make the world come alive. JKR does it really well, which is why I only say that I "try" at it, haha. Thank you very much for the review, and it certainly deserved a much better response than this silly one. =P Report Review
So I realized, as I was posting in your thread for the Dobby Awards, that I really haven't read very much of your stuff. Isn't that pathetic? So yeah, here I am. I chose this one because its the one up for an award (I know Murder is too, but this looked more interesting.) and also it is Marauder era :) I hope you don't mind long reviews, because mine have gotten really out of hand since the last time I reviewed something for you (I'm sure my wordy introduction doesn't help.)
So first, I read your AN and I really hope you do come back and revise the first few chapters! I've only read this one so far, but it was super good. I did notice some mistakes that I won't point out because I'm sure you're more than aware of them. I just think it could be really wonderful when you get around to fixing it up.
It grabbed my attention right off the bat. I was immediately like, "!!! She's cheating on him!!!" lol. You did a great job of setting that up with her coldness towards him and her lack of emotion, and the way she pulls away. It was a great way to suck the reader in, and then we get to enjoy watching him figure out the same thing for himself. (That was very fun, but I felt like smacking the fool upside the head because it was only obvious and it took him long enough!)
LOL let me first express my horror that he left his young daughter at home alone as he went out and wandered the countryside tracking his wife down! Judging by the background information you gave, though, and his attitude towards Muggles, I'm assuming they have a house elf. :)
What I really enjoyed was the scene where he killed them all. I know it makes me sound horrible, but I can't help it! It was this part that really showed us for the first time what sort of wizard he is and how he feels about Muggles. I mean I had my opinions when he mentioned Muggle drivers, but this made it obvious. I suppose her cheating on him with a Muggle would be the ultimate slap in the face for somebody with his opinions. Anyway, the confrontation was good - interesting that Diana kept what she was a secret... though it would be a rather big thing to tell. Interesting that she fell for a Muggle in the first place.
Anyway, I liked what you did in the end with his daughter. Emma is already good - we already know that she has a tragic sort of background now, and she has been marked, in a way, just like Harry was. But at the same time, definitely not a Mary Sue. I actually feel sort of sorry for her, and thats a compliment for sure. I hate OC's, usually. You've given her a past and a future, because I can assume now that she will one day meet her father. What I find interesting is that Mortimer joins Voldemort (not surprising considering his earlier actions) and yet he still shows Emma compassion, unable to look at what he does to her, and somewhat sad that he will be leaving her. I feel like he's a bad guy and not a bad guy all at once lol.
Okay, I also liked the prologue thing in general. It is nice to start something that shows a little background - that opens in much the same way JKR's books did. It immediately has me curious as to who this girl is and what she's going to do, and how it will turn out.
Author's Response: I'll try to stop laughing long enough to rake up a decent response to this. =P Thanks very much for reviewing, Bibbs! Can't resist the Marauder stories, eh? It's likely that I've noticed the errors. It's one of those "eventually, I'll do it" things that hopefully I will get to once this story is completed, which won't be in very long, I think. And wordy reviews are very nice to receive, though harder to respond to, lol. Let me try and see what I can do, though....The prologue was supposed to nab readers' attentions, starting with violence rather than the boring "character goes to school" thing, which does come later, I'm sad to say. I'm really pleased to see that you got a hold of Diana's personality through her actions towards Mort. She's more than a bit one-sided, having only this scene to show up within, but she is important later on. ;-) Nice to know that you enjoyed the killing scene. *cautiously backs away* Seeing that I wrote this two-and-a-half years ago, that I could write a scene like that must mean something, haha. I'm glad that it worked out and sucked you into the story, as well as gave some insight as to who Mortimer is. =) Thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate it. ^_^ Report Review
Brilliant chapter! LOL.
Nice attention to small detail. I love how you added that Dumbledore had been tailing him. Also the bond that is forming between himself and the basilisk, and the mention of his preference for Parseltongue. Of course it would be - he hardly related to other humans, after all. His own appearance even later resembles that of a snake. Perfect the way he already identifies with this creatures and their language better than with his own.
The conversation with Slughorn was brilliant. For a short while I forgot that I was reading a fanfiction and not some passage of a memory from HBP. I have a small bit of CC (and it is just a nit-picky thing, so ignore it if you wish lol) and that is where Tom says "Well, I’m not really sure..." LOL told you it was small and nitpicky. I dont know, for some reason it just jumped out at me as OOC, which is odd because I normally dont notice this stuff. I dont dont think he would sound so unsure of things, especially at his age. Of course, he is talking to Slughorn and putting on a bit of an act. But I dont know, I just thought he might be a bit more confident about it. he's always seemed to be very careful in the way he has worded things and I dont think he would want to appear weak and unsure.
The conversation with McNair made me smile. LOL McNair was funny with his obsession with killing animals. Perfectly fitting for his later job, huh? Again, great attention to detail. A lot of people probably would have simply overlooked getting rid of roosters if they were writing this story. Oh, one more thing though (more CC - I am on a roll, i rarely ever give it...) Perhaps Tom could be somewhat disgusted by the claim that mcnair likes to kill with his bare hands. That is a Muggle way, after all. I would see Voldemort as only approving of death by wands or whatever. he doesnt have to say anything, but maybe just a look could cross his face at the claim. I just think it would say a bit about his character lol.
Oh, and I LOVED the information about the war and the soldiers and living in the orphanage. I had never thought of the times going on outside of Hogwarts in that time period. It just made everything seem so real and it was my favorite part of the chapter.
This may have been your best yet! Great job!Author's Response: First, thanks for the CC, I corrected those parts, I had been wondering about them, but I wasn't sure...
I enjoyed writing this chapter, especially the war thing, which I wrote yesterday, and made me want to finish and post the chapter. It seemed right somehow. Tom's orphanage in the middle of Muggle London, and the war is raging, so I guess that it would affect him, if only slightly. (very slightly, I suppose, but he was only 11 when the war began)
Thanks for saying that the conversation with Slughorn feels "real", because I struggled a lot with it. I might go back to the part you mentioned. I merely removed that sentence for now, but in my mind, it was an act... So I don't know, I'll probably change it later.
You were absolutely right about your CC in the conversation with McNair too: I changed that, I think it's better now.
Thanks for the kind review :) Report Review
yay... lol. Finally, I am here. I actually read this yesterday, but I forgot that it was a holiday here. I didnt have time to review because I had to go party at my aunt's house and then didnt get home until near 1 am...
but anyway. Your OC is adorable and I really like that you made her two years younger than Sirius. I have often seen him paired with girls in his same year, and occasionally, older, but I have yet to see him with somebody younger. Then again, I don't read overly often, but I liked it :) Her name was nice, too.
I loved the opening with Sirius in detention! LOL I loved the fact that they had run out of detention ideas and so he is simply reduced to just writing lines. I also thought it was a cool way to start the chapter and then only decribe what had happened afterwards.
And what happened was nice. It wasn't "too much" like how some people do it. Do you know what I mean? I dont know how to describe what I mean, so I hope you understand.
Awww, and I loved how James used that spell on Sirius!!! LOL. For some reason, I never though that they would. Maybe because it is one of the spells in the Half Blood Prince book, and we know how one of the other spells in that book turned out. plus it was used against Snape in a rotten way. But it really is harmless, I suppose, so why not use it on each other as well. LOL well done, it made me smile. Perhaps, if you dont mind, I might use it sometime in my own stories.
I loved Sirius's excuse that all the other tables were taken, and of course, he doesnt even care that she can plainly see that its a lie. I liked the entire last scene. You know I'm not much of a romance person, but this fit my liking perfectly lol. It wasnt long or anything (which bores me) and it was realistic. The kiss was sweet.
Guh, leave it to Sirius to immediately take her to the RoR lol.
Anyway, I'm sincerely sorry it took me so long to get here and review. It was really good and yes, very fluffy!!! I think we all like seeing a bit of fluff sometimes.
Author's Response: Huh, did you forget Independence Day? Even I remembered it, lol!
Yes, Sharmaine had to be younger than Sirius: he had never noticed her, and that would have been hard had they been in the same year. Moreover, she is supposed to be intimidated, so it seemed more logical if she was a bit younger than him...
I thought the idea of the teachers running of ideas for detentions was quite funny, and I'm glad you agreed :) Those guys apparently spent their whole life in detention, and there's only so much you can do, right?
I think I got what you meant, although I'm not really sure ;)
Yes, I was thinking about Harry doing it on Ron( although it wasn't on purpose), and we do know that the spell was quite fashionable when the Marauders were at Hogwarts (wow, Snape invented something fashionable!), so it seemed to fit. I actually enjoyed writing that part very much! Of course I don't mind if you use in your story! I would actually feel quite honoured if you did, lol!
I'm not much of a romance person (which is why I wanted to write a piece of fluff, because I didn't think I even could), so I'm pleased that you liked the scene... Oh, and about the Room of Requirement: nothing naughty is going to happen there! lol... maybe I should edit that part... Although I could just leave it to the reader. In my mind, sirius only wanted to be alone with her, and not see anyone he knew, so the RoR was the perfect place, you know?
Anyhoo, fluff was fun to write, but I get a kick out of darker stuff :) Report Review
oh, longest chapter yet.
I think its really interesting to read the way the same events are happening, but in a different fashion. With Harry chasing down Draco, with Snape meeting with Bellatrix and Narcissa.
okay, anyway. I just loved Hermione in this chapter because she was really well done. Actually, Harry was too - he was such an idiot, which is just like him. And only Hermione has the sense to point out that he can't just walk up to Draco and point this stuff out and expect Draco to listen. I know its just a minor thing, but you know that the small stuff is sometimes the best, it makes it realistic and fun to read. She was just funny in general, how Harry goes into the alley because he knows she'll follow him anyway. And its so true!!! For being so obsessed with rules, she always follows Harry and Ron right into wherever they're going. JKR never says anything, but I loved that you made Harry aware of this.
He huffed in annoyance at the old woman still in his way, glaring at the back of her head in the vague hope he could make her uncomfortable with the awesome power of his glare alone, thusly causing her to move on. I loved this sentence.
Okay, I can see already that this won't be one of my best reviews. I apologize - I think its something to do with things happening that I already know about since they happened in the books, so I just feel silly complimenting you on whats happening when JKR already wrote it lol.
I did really like Draco in this too, though. I loved that you pointed out how cowardly he is and how he orders bigger people to do his dirty work. He really is the perfect Slytherin and I thought you portrayed that really well when Harry and Hermione finally confronted him. He seemed to have very little confidence, though he was still cold. He was easily overtaken by Harry, he had no power without his thugs.
So I was curious about what Draco would say about the mark. With the end of this chapter, I think its going to be pretty cool lol. Obviously something is happening already between Harry and Draco or Snape wouldn't have had such a reaction after the Vow was made. I can't wait to find out. By the way, I really love what is happening now. Because Harry is fighting to stop Draco from doing what he has to, and now Snape will by fighting to get him through it all. I really wonder which will win.
I commend you on the conversation between Bellatrix and Snape. This is something that took up a large part of the chapter and unfortunately, since I read a different version with HBP, I can't think of much to say. However, it is different from the HBP conversation and it was really well done. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to have Bellatrix express the same points and doubts about Snape's loyalty and put it completely in your own words. So even though its not new to me and I don't have much to say on it (at least as far as in how it advances the plot) I do think you did really well with the whole thing.
Actually, the whole Hermione conversation had me hooked. Obviously that was original. I loved Snape's excuse, how he points out she is Harry's friend, how she is probably protected, and how Bellatrix immediately shoots it down. It is rare that we see Snape looking uncomfortable. Even JKR didnt show us this, so I did actually enjoy that part a lot.
Same with the Narcissa conversation. One thing I did like about that (and I think this is original, I dont remember it in HBP) is when Snape is pointing out the faults of the Blacks and how their blood hasn't done Voldemort well so far. I thought it was a really good point. Just a minor thing, again, but I liked it. I also liked how Narcissa was suddenly dark and threatening when he said this, momentarily forgetting Draco and sticking up for her family. It tied in well with your later comment of their being few people she actually cared about and everyone else could more or less go to hell.
So yeah, that is pretty much it. Again, I loved the effect that the Vow had on Snape even as it is already being broken because Harry is already on Draco. I think it was brilliant, it is easily my favourite part in the entire chapter. Author's Response: Lol, longest chapter yet. I say lol, because it was actually longer. Much longer. I am going to answer a later bit of your review here, where you say you want to know what Draco is going to say about the mark. All ready written *smods*. I have to admit, the Harry/Hermione/Draco bit of the chapter was supposed to be the main focus of it, with Snape’s scene kind of as a small addition. Boy did that change.
As you may or may not have guessed, I enjoy writing Hermione. I especially enjoy writing Harry and Hermione interaction (although not shipping). I am much more comfortable with the two of them than I am with Ron, which is why the two of them got their own scene *pets them kindly*. I sometimes feel kind of bad for Hermione, who is forced, in a way, into doing all these things that are so against her nature because Harry or Ron run headfirst into them and she has to tag along to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble. In this respect she is such a good friend, and rather taken for granted I feel. Also, very glad you liked that sentence =P
Yeah, not much new really happens in this chapter. Again, that was not my intention, and I can’t really take the credit for large chunks of it. I love your analysis of Draco’s character too, since it is exactly what I was trying to show. It doesn’t come across as much, I think, in the actual books.
Back to Draco and his Mark. As I all ready said, most of this is written. It was the original main focus of the chapter. I cut out the last scene though, which shows what is happening between all three of them, and it got relegated to the next chapter. I figured posting a chapter with 10k words would be somewhat intimidating. It’s kind of a shame, since without the scene this chapter does become kind of redundant. There was so much I just didn’t want to take out though.
As you pointed out, the Hermione thing was one of the new parts. However it is the Narcissa conversation that is my absolute favourite bit, especially where Snape points out all the Black family faults. This bit came to me when I was walking home and it suddenly occurred to me that Bella doesn’t have any children. I just had to throw in the allusion to the Bella/LV ship, and the final jab about Andromeda was something I couldn’t resist. I figured that more Black’s have actually betrayed the Dark Lord in recent generations than have served him, and wanted to point it out.
Anyway, I hope it wasn’t too boring for you. The last couple of chapters have been decidedly low on action and big on plot fillers…and I really hope people can hang on while I build the foundation I so desperately need for this whole thing to work. As you guessed, the next chapter is much more exciting. I hope
Hey, its a good start :) Especially for your first story.
I liked the characterizations. I'm glad to see somebody finally including Peter (and hey, even making him good at something, even making him heroic going into the lake after his friends) for once. James is a great friend, its refreshing to read about him and Sirius. Well, you read my story, you know what I write about. But people who write about their friendship over their romances is rare. Fun to see your take on it :)
I'm rather curious about the event mentioned in second year. I wish you would elaborate more on that, the one where Sirius said he nearly died.
Anyway, it was fun to read. Let me know when you update and I'll read the next chapter too. Report Review
Okay, so before I forget I found some things. The first is that when Ron gives Hermione the tissues, she banishes it with a wave of her wand… which wouldn’t be allowed since they can’t use magic in the summer. Also, in that same paragraph, you should probably break that up into several because I was seriously losing my place reading. There were a few more that I already forgot. And then lastly, in Diagon Alley, Harry says that he got an A in Potions when he’s talking to Hermione, but when he is talking to Slughorn he says he got an E.
Now on to actually reviewing… I loved Hermione’s arguments for Snape. They were really well written (and well grounded). I thought that you got the characterization for her done really well with her stubbornness over the whole thing. I also thought that Ron was excellently characterized during that whole scene. Oh, heck, so was Harry. I laughed when he patted her awkwardly on the back because it reminded me of the scene with Cho in OOTP.
My favourite part was the whole conversation between Remus and Harry. Well, first of all I loved Remus when he interrupted the trio’s conversation. He was really pleasant and calm, really good characterization. I liked it because once Remus stopped teaching, we haven’t really seen much interaction between him and the trio alone. But anyway… one thing, though, I don’t think you should have him say “Don’t be stupid…” to Ron and Hermione when they stand to leave. I cant really see him using that word when addressing children… lol. Maybe he could say “don’t be silly” or something similar.
On to the best part, Harry was really awful when Remus gave him the potion! LOL. I really dislike Harry sometimes, he just seems like such an idiot, so immature and bratty sometimes that I want to smack him. I thought it was really kind and thoughtful and wonderful of Remus to buy Harry a potion on his own since Harry refuses to take Snape’s. I loved that he would do that, it made me feel all mushy. Harry’s outburst about Remus not having any money sort of ruined that though. *sigh* Oh, but the conversation about Sirius was really worded well. I love how Remus sort of turned Harry’s own argument around against him to show that the blame can be pinned on anybody. Overall I just really wish that Sirius had never died in the first place, but that’s JKR’s fault, not yours.
The will was really sweet. I haven’t read HBP in at least a year, so I cant quite remember about the will in the book. I am not sure how much of it you made up, or if JKR had already written that part. I know she had Harry get the house, but… did she say Sirius left something for the Weasleys or was that your own doing? If it was your own, I thought it was really sweet (especially as Sirius didn’t seem to get along with Molly in the first place). I don’t want to talk too much about it, though, in case JKR said he did that. I’m reviewing your story, not hers!! LOL. But in case you did write that, I liked it. I really liked that Sirius left most of his money for Remus. Even though Harry is his godson, Remus is his friend, and Remus struggles more, and Harry has the Potter fortune, after all. (I did want to smack Harry when Remus made the quip about boys and money – he’s such an idiot, it was just a joke!) I cant think of anybody who would deserve it more than Remus does. I cant remember if that was JKR or not, but I think you actually made that one up for yourself because it didn’t seem familiar. Now I know that it was she who did the house, but I liked the reasoning you put behind it – that Sirius wanted Harry to have a place to call home. Granted, Harry would have probably rather had anyplace but that house, but it was all Sirius had to offer and I thought it made the gesture seem that much sweeter.
Anyway… nice introduction of Horace Slughorn. I don’t have as much to say about the last half of the chapter – it was just as good, of course, but it mainly consisted of Hermoine trying to convince Harry to try and take NEWT potions despite his grade, so yeah. I did still enjoy the change of scenery though, so I thought it was a good add to the chapter.
Sorry that this review isn’t nearly as long as usual. I’ve lost my touch since you TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE. Don’t ever do that again, haven’t I told you that before? And you said it wouldn’t happen again? And now look!
Author's Response: ZOMG! I cannot believe how badly I have gotten out of the fanfic habit to have made such stupid mistakes. The thought of underage magic didn’t even occur to me. Thank goodness I have you to point these things out. I fixed the banishing bit, and broke that monster paragraph up into a few smaller ones. As to the grade, there is actually a reason for that =P. When I first wrote the chapter I had Harry’s passing grade as an A. I figured the chances of him getting an E were actually next to nothing, and that JKR had been a bit hopeful when she gave him that. But then I remembered that Snape’s required grade was an O. I didn’t think Slughorn would have requirements that far below Snape, and felt that having him jump down 2 grades for Harry would be a bit much. But then I also figured that Snape would only accept the highest grades, and didn’t want to shift down his requirements either. In the end I stuck with canon, because at least that way I wouldn’t have to explain myself over and over to the rather retentive canon freaks of the potter universe who don’t understand the concept of AU.
Lol, so, you like my trio =) I am very pleased to here that. I haven’t written the three of them together in ages. Poor Hermione did get the short straw a bit having those two for friends, as they are both oblivious. I also changed that line of Remus’ (again, not sure what I was thinking when I wrote it, but you mentioned the word ‘silly’ and I kind of slapped myself for not thinking of it myself). Remus’ part in this fic was originally rather small, but he has really kind of grown into it so I have a much bigger part planned for him now. I might almost be convinced that I like him =)
In HBP Sirius actually left everything to Harry, so my dividing stuff up was all my own doing. I hated the fact that Sirius did that in the actual book, because it seemed rather thoughtless of him. Harry all ready has so much, what does he need a second fortune for? And both Remus and the Weasleys have so little in comparison. Besides, Remus was one of his best friends, and Sirius knows how much the man struggles. It makes much more sense to leave it to him instead. And you were bang on about my thoughts on Sirius leaving Harry to house. It something he does actually need, even if the house itself isn’t ideal.
As you may have guessed, the majority of this chapter was filler, so I am not surprised you didn’t have much to say on the second bit. In the end it needed to be there, but there was nothing particularly special about it. Quite a bit of this chapter was just laying the groundwork for future stuff (which is one reason it took so long to write). And you should well be sorry =P. More sorry than me. I will try not to let it happen again =)
ooo! Impressive chapter :)
Well, first of all I love how you are creating the friendship between Hagrid and Dumbledore early on. It is nice to see that Dumbledore invites him up just to have tea... and besides, its something that I would completely expect from Dumbledore, to try and befriend one of the unpopular students with no friends. It really make me realize what kind of a great guy Dumbledore was in a way that I've never realized before simply because I had never thought of him doing that for students.
You're really great with descriptions. Not only can I perfectly imagine everything about Dumbledore's office, but you make it all seem so magical, quite a feat through words alone. I think I enjoyed reading that paragraph of description the most in this entire chapter! It was like you captured the very essence of Dumbledore's office.
I loved Dumbledore's doubt, also. It's such a weird feeling when somebody does something nice and you are suspicious of it because its completely unlike them.
The scene with Tom was rather thrilling to read. I would be pretty nervous myself if that was me... I can only imagine what it would feel like to call this creature to you, a creature that you KNOW can kill you in a split second, and you know you dont have a lot of time to convince it otherwise before it strikes. He reminded me strangely of Harry, squinting his eyes and ready to snap them shut at the slightest movement. I enjoyed the conversation between him and the basilisk (as well as how he actually tamed it with the flaming rooster - clever!) because Parseltongue has always fascinated me.
Anyway, I'm all caught up now!!! :) I can't wait til you update!Author's Response: I thought it was important to show that the bond between Hagrid and Dumbledore was a little more than just what would be expected between a teacher and his pupil. After all, they seem to be more than colleagues later on, rather friends.
Thanks you for the compliments! I would write only descriptions if I could! lol! I love trying to imagine what a place or a character is like, so expect more of those in later chapters ;)
Yes, I thought that squinting one's eyes was probably the most natural reaction, but I also wanted to stress the fact that it probably wouldn't help much if the Basilisk was looking that way... I'm glad to know that you were thrilled :)
I'll let you know when chapter 6 is up! I just hope that you won't have to wait too long (how can I be so slow?) Thanks for the reviews! Report Review
Oh, you almost had him with that last bit. You're tricky, making us think it was the actual basilisk :)
Anyway, This probably won't be overly long because I know you really wanted a review on chapter 5, but I just can't read a chapter without reviewing it :)
I loved Ogg. From the name, I never would have gotten that impression of him - It always made me think of some big trollish type of guy. But his feeble magic and disheartened face made him very dear and I really liked him, small as his part was.
Hagrid was rather fun to read about. I have never, ever read a fanfic where young Hagrid was even MENTIONED! LOL. So I liked reading about him carrying the trees in single handedly (and obviously it fits in so well with his future job). I love how you sort of gave him the background of loving the outdoors and everything - it makes it very obvious as to why Dumbledore let him stay on as gamekeeper - because he'd be good at it and enjoy it. It was fun to read about his struggles with magic (and how cruel Tom sits and laughs) because I never could picture Hagrid as being particularly good at it in the first place.
The tunnel was wonderful. I loved your descriptions, particularly about not even remembering if your eyes were opened or closed. I hate that feeling!! Tom's exhilaration was done perfectly, being so awed with the sheer magic of the place that he didn't even want to use his own. You made excellent points about bringing the mirror - he'd probably be petrified down there forever and that's an awful thought, I'd rather be dead so I don't blame him for not bringing protection.
Anyhoo... That was a really great chapter :) I missed this fic, now that I think about it. Author's Response: Thanks!
Ah, good, you thought it was the basilisk ;)
About Ogg, I had never really thought about him before, and I think I just wrote a kind of Filch #2, lol!
I loved writing the young Hagrid (except that I find it very hard to write his speech) ! I had a lot fun imagining him as a teenager, and I thought that there must have been a good reason for Dumbledore to choose him as the gamekeeper... About his magical skills, I think it is mentioned in the books that he had never been very good at magic..
Writing the part about the tunnel was my favourite, and I'm happy that you loved it too :) Yes, I agree with the mirror, and I think that Tom would trust the fact that he was a parseltongue, and Slytherin's heir...
Thank you for saying that you missed the fic, this sentence made my day! :) I missed reading yours too!
God... I don't even know what to say now :(
Like... this story is on my favorites, but I wish I could do something to favorite it even more than I already have. Isn't that funny? I wish there was a 'favorites of favorites' or something just so i could put it a little higher on my list because i'm totally speechless.
So I think its really sad about how long that old men has been there waiting for somebody to get him. But I really liked your idea of the place where they just sit and wait. I have so many other things I want to say so I'm not going to dawdle on that room and the old man, except that I liked the man's characterization.
I loved that scene between James and Sirius when James's father dies - its probably my favorite in the entire chapter. Of course its just as much Sirius's loss as it is James's... anyway, I like the way James crawls into bed with him, how they're so... they're like ONE person... they find such comfort in each other that it makes everything okay. Their conversation about death was great, I loved everything about it.
The part when they were fighting the Death Eaters was wonderfully exciting. I whizzed right through that part because I just couldn't stop reading. James and Sirius were always the most talented, I am completely unsurprised that they could take on 5 Death Eaters just on their own. Their characterizations were brilliant, even when in a panic; Sirius taunting and all. I loved the description of what he felt after the curse, like his bones were on fire. And I'm so glad that James came to his rescue. The most touching part was when the Order showed up and tried to separate them and James just didn't want to let go; it took a few minutes for everything to sink in, what could have happened.
The part with Regulus was pretty sad. I like Regulus, though he's never been one of my favorite characters. Its a shame that Sirius couldnt spare a moment to just forgive him and listen, to understand that he had made a mistake and was trying to fix it before he died. But it is completely in character for Sirius to fly off the handle like that and not even give a care for the consequences. It was pretty devastating when Regulus apologizes though, and Sirius slams the door in his face. I did love the scene when Sirius got notice of his death, though. I love James, "I'll always be your brother, Pads." *sigh* perfect :)
I could certainly feel the disappointment when somebody knocks on the door for Sirius, and after all these brilliant memories of him and James and what used to be, its Regulus waiting there for him. I was rather irritated myself, but it was okay. It was like they needed that moment even though they didn't really speak to each other. And then he takes them to James and Lily and everything is the way it should be again. I can't even imagine the ecstacy he must have felt just to see them standing there like always before they died. It was a brilliant reunion that wasnt overplayed or overdramatic or anything..
When they are back together, its like the world is suddenly right again. I'm glad that James confronts him about blaming himself, its one of Sirius's biggest issues. It's so nice for James to tell him that he doesn't blame him for everything. It's such a happy ending :( lol I dont know why I am sad. I loved it so much that I cant even begin to tell you. Its just right and I'm sorry I completely forgot about this and never reviewed the second chapter sooner. Author's Response: Oh, Bibbs! This is possibly one of my favorite reviews. The way you wrote it was like, rereading my story through someone else's eyes. It made me flail and guh, thank you so much. Best review ever. :) Report Review
OOoOOoo, the phoenix on the roof was a good touch. Harry feeling pain in the scar again was great also. It's quite the delemma - they are right. If it was Voldemort, you would think he would use his own name and reputation, the name associated with power.
On the other hand, all of Hermione's theories make sense, and in the previous chapter Neville recognized the face, and he had red eyes.
I am so confused lol.
Anyway... I loved Harry's dream. :) It was cute and well written and I was rather surprised when a pillow slapped him upside the head and none of it was true at all. When Hermione removed the blankets and blushed... ahaha.
The whole scene with everyone grieving Neville was well written and realistic. I rather enjoyed it, though. It was like the trio was back together again, just like old times. I'm glad Harry realized that he should have made more of an effort to see Neville. In the first chapter, Neville seemed happy but lonely. I'm glad that that at least wasn't ignored by Harry.
I loved the way they destroyed Voldemort's souls. I thought the idea of using dementors, Voldemort's own supporters, against him was really original and brilliant.
I'm really enjoying this story, I hope you'll PM me on the forums when you update.Author's Response: Hello there Bibbs! Back again, wonderful!
Yep, that's the idea. There are some things the same as Voldemort, but some things different. So, which is it? Oh, I have you questioning, that's good!
Glad you liked the beginning there. Another contrast to the end again. Such a fluffy and nice beginning, turning into quite a dark reality by the end.
I'm glad you like the scene at Ron and Luna's, with Neville's wife. The trio's back, that's right! All three of them are Aurors, so it helps. :) And yeah, knowing what Neville was thinking in chapter 1, we understand his Harry's realizing about his friendship with Neville here.
The use of dementors on the soul-fragment, I plan on using that in another story actually. :) In my book 7 as one of the ways they destroy a Horcrux.
Thanks again Bibbs for reviewing! And of course, I'll PM you when I update! Thanks again! Report Review
This was good. I actually didn't realize it was Draco/Hermione at first... I didn't even really glance at the banner. I thought it was an OC for a minute haha. Until he mentioned her being a muggleborn (nice, btw, you didnt slip and have him say 'mudblood')
Anyway. I liked the storyline, the two of them meeting in a bar and him buying her a drink. It seems like the type of thing that could be expected from him, being rich and everything. But I don't really know Draco that well, so I'm just blabbering :)
Oh, but Rita Skeeter! LOL. I love how she is back, and of course, getting Hermione back for the whole 'jar' incident. I thought that was funny. I'm sorry to hear that Ron died and I'm curious about the 'dirty little secret' that happened years before without anybody knowing.
The kiss was something lol. I liked the catcalls :) Report Review
Aww, I'm so glad I decided to read this.
I love the quote, I saw it on the challenge thread. I really like what you did with it, splitting it up and having Lily remember parts of her life that each bit pertained to. It made her so much more human, and so much less perfect than the way she is usually portrayed. I loved all of her memories.
I have to commend you on Harry. Most people treat him like he is still an infant at this age, not the toddler that he is. People seem to forget that he is fourteen months old when James and Lily were killed. I was really happy to see that you actually included him walking, talking, and yes, even swearing.
I loved the first person, I too have a one shot written in first person and it was a lot of fun to do. It also makes everything seem a lot more personal. You use it really well.
It was a great one shot, thanks for the read :)Author's Response: Thanks for reading and for the nice review! i'm so glad that you liked it! I know what you mean about the harry thing! i've noticed that too. and as a nanny i have seen the swearing thing so many times and just had to add it in! Nobody's perfect and as that is how Lily is usually portrayed i decided that i wanted to make her a bit more human and relatable in my story! Its such a great quote! Again thanks for the review! Report Review
LOL. I actually read this chapter last night and just never got a chance to review it.
I have to say that I loved Sirius - it was just something that I would never put past him to just walk up and kiss Hermione. Only so that he could shut her up. And of course, he is Sirius, so how can she not like that.
I thought her reaction was pretty funny. She just experienced a kiss from Sirius Black, of all people, and then she spends the rest of the night getting drunk in a chair and thinking about it! LOL I loved that.
I also loved her outburst when she walked in on him kissing another girl. It was completely in character for Hermione to just lose it and burst out shouting at somebody about proper morals and how he really should behave.
Anyway, this chapter was a lot of fun to read. I'm sorry I didnt get to it sooner. I'll get on to the second chapter soon :)Author's Response: Thank you soooo much for your wonderful review. Your the first person who has reviewed the first chapter and just got the fact that its starting at a point where Hermione is already in love with him... Its starts when things really get moveing! (why write several chapters of her falling in love, when it happened so subtly, over such a long time, it would have killed the story with boredom to describe that process lol....I just wanted to start this fic right at the begining of the 'its mutual?' point....(beleive me, there is LOTS of drama to make up for where the fic starts!)I hope you like the rest of the fic and that I do it justice for fans like you! *HUGS* Report Review
Awww.. lol I loved the last quote, "You know it had to happen sometime."
This was really cute, I really enjoyed reading it. The song fit will with the story, too. I liked James's characterization. You didn't turn him into a pathetic groveling loser at Lily's feet like some people do. I also liked Lily - she disliked James, but she wasn't really hateful or mean. Well, aside from ripping up the poem lol.
I liked the last scene. Poor guy, he tries so hard to be smooth and all, and then he dumps a plate of food at her. I'm glad she didn't freak out. I really liked the mention of her shirt being the same one in the picture, and how that sort of strengthened his resolve to get her to go out with him. It sort of showed that she was STILL Lily and hey, they got along at one point.
I love first person and I think it worked really well here. You used it well also. Thanks for the read :)Author's Response: Thank you for the very long review! I'm glad that you liked it! Report Review
Woo, that was long.
I'm sure there's a thousand things I'll completely forget to mention since there is so much to talk about. Anyway, the plane ride was fun... lol. You've obviously been on a plane before because you described all of that pretty well.
Your OC is pretty cool. It is one of the first OC's I've come across that has me intrigued. Her home life is charming and all, and the house is so cool I almost don't want her to go to Hogwarts just so I can sit around and read about that house and everything about it a little longer. Her bedroom sounded awesome, and I loved your description of the exterior of the house.
I loved the discoveries of the letters, the jewelry and the broom. Will they come into play later, or are they just there to make the chapter more interesting? I think it'd be fun to learn more about the letter writers. I think the broomstick was the best part though. I get the feeling it's some rare antique that turns out to be ten times better than even the modern day brooms. I like the attachment that she has to it and how it sort of communicates a little. It was just a fun little thing, it was like she had a new friend.
Anyway, I really enjoyed everything about the first chapter :) Author's Response: You're on the right track with the broom... You'll see. ^.^ And yes, everything has some sort of point in my story outline in my head.
I do love me some Ella. She is one of my favorite fictional characters - which is how it should be with your characters.
I love her house, as well. It's based off of a house in my neighborhood, what with the giant wall and garden and all. It's really an amazing house.
I enjoyed this chapter a lot while writing it, as well. I'm glad this didn't turn out like I first pictured her (I made her up before I knew what a 'cliche' was - so she had a Animagus form, was Sirius's heartthrob, and was a 'lost Marauder'. *shudders*).
Anyway. I'm rambling. Thanks!
~ Caroline Report Review
Awww, that was sweet. I liked seeing Remus doing so well. It seems like a lot of people write that he died in the war. it is nice to see him not only alive, but in a good position at the Ministry making decent money. I also like that he is still in Harry's life, that they even live together. I think that idea was pretty cool.
I'm curious as to why Ginny is working in the Muggle world - is it even going to matter in this story? I just thought it was interesting. I've seen her as a healer in stories before, but never in the Muggle world. I'm a little sad over Harry's traveling - that he hadn't even seen the Weasley's in so long, but I suppose at his age and with his accomplishments, its just the thing to do.
Remus and Tonks were adorable pulling all of this behind Harry's back. I thought it was sweet. And I loved the conversation between Harry and Ginny. Its nice that he never dated anybody else after her.
Anyway, good start, can't wait to read the rest.Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much, bibbs. Ginny wanted to experience being a nurse in the muggle world and learning a bit about muggle medicine so that she would know about healing in general. You know, like 'Jill of her trade' ;)
Thanks again for such a wonderful review. I hope you'll like the next chapters as well and I'll be looking forward to reading your reviews *hugs* Report Review
LOL Wow, it was really good. It's all I can think to say and I know its not that convincing, but it was. I was totally hooked and honestly, that is saying something when it is such a long chapter.
I loved Neville. He is just how I would imagine an older Neville - his life is simple, but he is happy and he loves it. I am surprised he married a muggle and at the same time, I'm not. I suppose I just hadn't ever thought about it. The name of the cat was cute and very clever!
I really liked reading about the outcome of the war and the attack at Hogwarts. I'm quite sad to hear that Lupin didn't make it, but at least Hermione is doing her best to honor his memory lol. It was fun to catch up with some of their schoolmates as well, from Padma to the hardly-mentioned Ginny. I am actually very surprised that Ron and Luna are together...
Speaking of Luna, you did her really well. She was still as airy as ever, but a little more mature, a little less crazy. It was a nice age progression lol. Every little detail was perfect - you even made her appear a loner, despite being married to a man with a huge family and loyal friends that were always visiting. It was as if she and Neville had a bond over that. I'm glad they're still friends.
Your scene at the end was really well done. I could just imagine Neville's fear when his wand disappeared. Leave it to Neville to lose a wand that had just been sitting on his table a moment before. It's funny that he was shamed at being afraid of the dark as an adult. LOL I'm an adult and I dont like it either; I dont imagine there are many who really like it. Especially when you're alone and there's weird noises about. Mandrake was funny. I have cats that make all sorts of ruckus at night, drives me nuts. But I loved that Neville was so on edge all along and he just kept thinking it was the cat until the nightmare finally came.
Who is the Emerald Phoenix? I assumed Voldemort because of the red eyes... I didn't think it'd be a new person, seeing as Neville recognized him. I just didn't know for sure.
Anyway, great start, can't wait to read the next chapter :)Author's Response: Hey there Bibbs! Thank you so much for coming over and reviewing! :)
If you think this is a long chapter, you should see my chapters for HPOL! 10000+ word chapters, those are long! :)
I'm glad you like how my Neville is, and yes, the cat's name. I thought being named after a plant, it would be kinda funny, and very Neville-like.
Glad to hear you like some of the explanation of the War and such. I didn't want to get bogged down in it all, so it's good to hear it came off well. Ron and Luna, well, it'll get explained in a while.
Neville and Luna, I wanted them to keep that connection. Luna is just one of those people I think, who would love to have a big group of friends, but knows deep down that having a few close friends is much better. She is a smart woman, and knows that Ron's friends aren't necessarily hers, just because they're married.
It's good to hear you enjoyed the scene at the end too, with Neville in the dark. I know, I'm not that much of a fan of the dark either. :)
I have cats at home at my parent's house, and they always did that when I lived at home, bugged the bejeebus out of me. And I lived in a creaky-house, so when they walked around, the floor creaked like someone was walking around. Not the best for a young boy with an over-active imagination.
The Emerald Phoenix . . . well, you're not meant to know who it is. Some hints say this, some hints say something else. I had to go over my hints a few times to make sure they were enough for some people to guess, while some others will sit and ponder. :)
Thanks again Bibbs for reviewing! Can't wait to see your thoughts on chapter 2! Report Review
ha, I have actually read this before and just never reviewed!
Okay, so I really like the voice that you gave Molly here. I love seeing all of her thoughts, its a rarely used POV and she's never been a major character. I think you did really well with her characterization - you perfectly capture what it is like to be a mother. Also, I like the general flow of the story - how it is like a biography sort of. It almost reminds me of my story, My Other Half. To see somebody through another's eyes, and that was rather fun to write.
I really loved Molly's memories of them. I've only read one or two fics about the Weasley's when they were a younger family. It was just such fun to read the boys when they were little - Fred turning the broomstick into a pencil was cute. Those memories are also what makes it sad - they were innocent back then and its always hard when that dies. So I think including the memories of them as kids was definitely a good idea.
Then the whole process of her having to identify their bodies was also horrible. Not horribly written or anything, just a nightmare for a mother to have to live through. I think the best thing about this is that she was always angry with Fred and George for one thing or another and it just sucks that they're dead now because we never really saw her in the books NOT lecturing them. But you show that they are still her sons and of course she loves them. The books just didnt really have that.
Anyway, the kids were cute. The end was surprising. I never would have thought it'd be Lee Jordan lol. I think that would be even worse, to finally find out who it is and learn that it was their best friend all along.
Great one shot, I was really impressed the first time I read it and now that I've read it again, I like it even more.Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for spending so much time writing this review! It must have taken ages! I really apreciate it. I love My Other Half! It is one of my all time favourites! I have recently edited this, so it has probably changed since you last read it.
I choose this P.O.V because it hasn't really been done. It is really true that she is always lecturing them! It was so sad writing this, but the buzz when you get a review is amazing! Once again thank you for reviewing and keep up the good work on your fics! =) x Report Review
Wow, was I ever hooked.
I loved everything about it, from Amelie playing with her dolls so innocently at the beginning to her resolve to make her father proud in the end. I think Amelie was absolutely perfect - you've certainly captured a child her age well. She didn't seem too young or too old, and of course, like most children probably were, she was dreaming of Hogwarts. Or I assume she was, since she was playing 'school' with her dolls. You've done an excellent job of showing her home life - rich, with everything a girl could want, but unaware of how lucky she is. Her mother isn't surprising at all, it is the way I would except rich haughty mother to act. I fell in love with her father simply because she loved him and that was obviously reciprocated.
The fight really was rather sad. I can see how it would be devastating for a little girl to see, and especially when her father leaves. I was yearning for him to take her with him. I got the impression that he won't be back to see her again, and that saddens me. And I wonder why, lol.
Your descriptions were delightful - not at all overdone. It was like watching a movie play out in my mind, especially with the room darkening while she cried on her bed.
Anyway, it was a really great start and we all know how the first chapter is the hardest. I don't know what this chapter was like before you edited it, but I'd say the edits have definitely done it good because its perfect right now :)Author's Response: I'm really glad you like it now. Before I edited it, the whole doll scene wasn't there. It started with her hugging her father telling him not to go, so it obviously changed quite a bit. Thanks so much for the long review. I'm glad you find it sad - not because I enjoy bringing grief on people, but because that was the whole thing I was aiming for, and I'm also glad that you could feel just how much the father and daughter cared for each other *sighs*
Thanks soooo much for reviewing. I really do appreciate it. Report Review
Oh it was sad. Although I did crack a small smile at Lily's hateful thought towards Peter as she was running to Harry. I am glad that the Potters at least know that it was Peter who betrayed them and not Sirius.
Anyway, I liked how you wrote this with one scene for each Marauder. It is nice to see that Lily is close to them in different ways for each. My favorites were Sirius and Remus. Because just like you said for Sirius, it is filled with such elegance and a thousand smaller issues... with Remus it is just nice to see that he and Lily are close friends. I enjoyed the thought that he knows her even better than James does.
The section for James is pretty sad because its at this point that their worlds begin to fall apart. Nevertheless, i loved this section too. Your characterization of Lily was excellent and I love how she acts a little different around each of them. I really liked her here.
Anyway, sorry. This review isnt as good as it normally would have been because I've been interrupted about 5 times while writing it... lol don't ever get married!!! But I just want to say that I love the present tense and I think you write it wonderfully. I'm always a fan of all your stuff.Author's Response: It's still a great review. Thanks so much, Bibbsy. Report Review
LOL. This was a cute little thing. You actually made me like Pansy, this is the first time I've ever seen her as just a girl rather than some nasty Slytherin trying to make Harry's life horrible.
You're right, it does work well with the song.
Anyway, the argument between Pansy and Draco was well done. It always sucks in a situation like that and I think you got Pansy's emotions over the whole thing pretty well. Though I am curious why on earth Draco was kissing Ginny, and why Ginny kissed him back! LOL. Unless it really wasn't what it looked like like he said.
Ah, Tonks. I love her and I was really pleased to see her in this. I think her characterization was fun. I love the idea of her and Lupin coteaching DADA. And the 'girl talk' was cute. I totally wouldnt put it past Tonks to tell a student to get revenge like she did, so that was rather funny.
Ah, and the destroyance of the racing broom. That was good :) Girl power. It would be fun to turn this little thing into a short story war of some sort. Draco would obviously want to get her back now.
Anyway, that was fun. Thanks and keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Report Review
Wow... that was incredibly good, a lot better than I had expected.
I loved the Prime Minister, I felt so bad for the poor guy. What happened to him is really unfair and not at all his fault. I really enjoyed reading his thoughts on the events of the past few months/weeks, and how he was made fun of by others. I thought that it was a great way to open the story because it shows some of what has been going on recently and gives a little background (as well as amusement at how unfair the poor guy's life is).
Certainly the best part was the whole fight between guards and the Death Eaters. That was completely fascinating. Obviously the Death Eaters have the upper hand, but if their bullets hit the right way the guards can take down quite a few as well. I adored Myers - my grandfather-in-law is actually named Frank Myers lol. But anyway, it was great to get into his head and see waht he was thinking as he fought this impossible battle, to watch his men go down, to feel the helplessness. I would be scared silly. I really loved the last line, that he had fought the greatest battle of any Muggle yet. Because you know that against the Avada Kedavra curse he really has no chance - the fact that he took out as many DE's as he did is simply remarkable. I certainly wish he had gotten Bella, though.
The R.A.B thing was unexpected. I'm liking this guy - anybody who can secretly sneak into this cave of death to steal a horcrux is pretty awesome in my book, but then you go and have him involved in this attack with the other DE's and nobody even knows it until he takes half of them out. I can't wait to find out more about him and who he is (I have to say I hope its Regulus who has never really been dead all this time, haha) and what he is going to do next.
Anyway, like I said, I was pleasantly surprised when I read this and I might actually read more than just five chapters depending on how much time I have.Author's Response: Hi Bibbs!
Sorry for the late reply, I'm a bit busy at the moment :)
You like the PM's predicament, eh? Its going to be quite a rough year for him further. For more, stay tuned to the rest of the story :)
Your grandfather in law was called Frank Myers? Thats an amazing coincidence!
Bella, well, I cant have a Muggle killing her at this point, she's too important to my story for that to happen.
RAB, yeah, he is a saboteur, and I'll be revealing it only at the end, I'm sorry.
There's so much I want to say, but doing that would entirely lay bare my story so I wont. I hope you'll read it and find out for yourself!
Thanks for the review, Bibbs. I hope to see you again :) Report Review
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