Okay, I was stuck in the queue validating stories and saw your interesting title and had to come read this! I'm so happy I did. I know it's not specific or useful criticism, but this was exceedingly good, far and away above what we usually see floating around HPFF. It's nice to know that while I do sit through a lot of bad Dramione or karaoke fic, somewhere out there, good original fic like this is still being written! :D Author's Response: That's okay, I'll take compliments anytime! Thank you so very much for your kind words! I am totally printing this review out and pinning it up on my wall. I really appreciate it. :D :D Report Review
Hmmmm.... more suspicions on Sumpton!! *rushes off to make dinner so she can try to read another chapter before bed* Report Review
Hmmm.... Maybe it's just because I'm a whole "Snape isn't evil" fangirl, but I'm starting to think that Sumpton is a red herring for someone else. Snerkin... or even Montgomery. I hope Pennipot isn't really involved; she's always seemed so cool to me!! Report Review
I am feeling the boys' frustration at not finding out more about Abraham, aaand I want to know what goes down in this match, so this really isn't much of a review other than to say good job as always and on to the next one! Report Review
I've never understood WHY people make fruitcake, they never turn out amazingly and they are always mocked.... :)
As always I loved this chapter. When Grandpa came back I swear I thought it was a ghost of him though, with all the cold and the haunting sort of imagery. Their chat about the compass totally made me want to know more, especially about Abraham, so even though I try to save these chapters for when I really need a touch of good reading, I think I am off to read another. There are new ones, after all; and probably more on the way.
I've been thinking about the new banner, trying to come up with things. White towers all seem to look odd, but I'm going to keep looking for photgraphs when I have spare time, and also maybe a slightly older Patrick if I can find someone who looks close enough...Author's Response: I understand about wanting to save them...there's only one more left in this book (17) so not much left to save.
About the banner, what have you found in the realm of Harvard's Lowell Tower? That's the look I see when I picture that tower and PM me your email so I can send you the font.
I can't wait to finish "Compass" and begin work on "Ivory Tower"...! Report Review
This is the censored version? Wow.... It's so dark and scary. If you ever need a banner for this (or any others really), I'd love to do them as I'm visualizing so much as I read; the writing is incredibly vivid. Anyhow, if you do want to take me up on the offer, my Dark Arts portfolio page is http://the-dark-arts.net/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=88&t=7338&st=0#entry96271
I think I'm going to break and read the rest in the morning so I don't get nightmares! ;) Author's Response: I'd love a banner for this one. Like to hear what you have in mind. contact me at email@example.com Report Review
Oh no!!!! I'm not even going to leave you a proper review as I want to read on, but you've obviously got me hooked! :DAuthor's Response: Good! I love hooking my readers on to a story. Report Review
This does not bode well for Harry! :D Don't explode Harry, we need you!
Sweetheart, if you want a banner for any/all of your stories I'd be really happy to make some for you! Are you registered over at www.the-dark-arts.net? It's a really great site full of people to make banners for HPFF stuff! Here is my portfolio:
and in there is a link to the "Specific Artist" forum, where you can ask for "Alohomora" and I'll whip something up for you in no time. It usually takes me a day or less, especially if you already have specific photos in mind or are open to me just using my creativity full force. Hope to hear from you soon! :D
~MaraAuthor's Response: O thank you very much ! I will get on to it right now... and thanks for the review ! : D
Oh and no Im not registered yet... Report Review
Hello darling, I just wanted to let you know that you banner has been waiting for you to pick it up, it's all lonely over in the Dark Arts archives! ;)
http://the-dark-arts.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=8417Author's Response: Hey, I'm so sorry about the long wait. I was away at camp for the week, and had no computer access. Again, all apologies, and thank you so much for the banner!! I'm going to pick it up right now!! Report Review
Hey sweetie, just letting you know that your banner (if you like it of course) is ready and waiting for you to pick it up right here:
http://the-dark-arts.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=8060&hl=Hot_Hermione Author's Response: OMG I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Report Review
Arg, I wish I had the time to take this under my beta wing just to touch up the pesky grammar things you mentioned in your A/N, but like you I'm a grown up who has work and family to keep her busy. :D Anyhow, your story keeps drawing me in. I feel like this is almost a bit of an offering to the idea of the Sacred Feminine; that women hold the secrets of the world. This is one of the few OC fics that I've enjoyed so far, most people write their female leads to be slightly modified versions of themselves but I think you have created what an original character should be, not a cookie cutter version of one - congrats! Report Review
I'm so glad you asked me to review on the forums (I know it was ages ago and you probably don't even remember - I ended up having to move after I posted my offer)! I like when I'm asked to review stories that I wind up liking anyhow, it makes it all the easier to say nice things!
As far as concrit; there are a couple of minor grammar/spelling errors, nothing a good beta reader couldn't easily fix. The tone of it is great; it's a bit reminiscent of Harry in OotP, very petulant but with purpose. I might like Daphne a bit better even, she seems to have more drive than Harry did then. Anyhow, off to read the next chap! :) Report Review
I'm not sure why (if it was intentional on your part or not either), but I totally just pictured Ron after the Chudley Canons line! Finding out it was Harry was a bit of a shocker, but I suppose I can adapt. ;)
I like the business about the Salem Institute, and it's traditions and history. There are a lot of boarding schools out there that are not co-ed, and it's interesting that the first we hear of it is in America. Anyhow, brilliant job, keep up the good work! Report Review
I like the start, it's a very good beginning. Achieving perfection is such a daunting task, good luck to Amelia on her journey! :)
As far as concrit, I feel like the flow of it really picked up a lot but that the beginning struggled just the tiniest bit to set the right tone. There are a few repetitious words (either within paragraphs, "hand" is in the first one four times, or like "appropriate" which jumps the paragraphs about the charms essay) that aren't really bothersome but do detract a bit from the style.
I really like that you've set the time and date out for us, the only suggestion I might have is to make it italics? Sometimes I have a habit of skipping over bold text at the beginning/end of chapters as I assume it's either A/Ns or titles/footnotes. I think it's a good addition to have there though, as it establishes clarity from the beginning. That's the really nice thing, your story is very clear. Being the reader we're always one step behind, but so far you have done a good job of feeding us the proper information and imagery as we need it.
All in all, great start! I'll check back in a few to see if there's anything more! :D
~MaraAuthor's Response: Thanks for the compliments! Argh! I have a thing about repeating the word 'hand!' I don't know what it is...I will go back and edit that! Thanks, as I do want to work on my style.
I shall change it into italics - thanks for saying I've made it nice and clear!
Please do check back, as I really want this story to be as good as I can make it and I will be going back and editing past chapters to bend them to your criticsim!
Thanks so much for your review Mara! Bethan xxx Report Review
How terrible! Not the writing, that was excellent, just that something so awful would happen to a young girl. That was a really interesting beginning, I'm sure the rest of the chapters will follow suit!
She liked to hide. For she found that the only way to achieve peace from the babbling gossip of the court.
Would you consider merging those two sentences together, it might fit in better with the consistent flow of the story.
I really like how you did the flashbacks, the italics and the short cuts between images of her childhood and her father's murder is very effective, almost cinematic. Good job! :D Author's Response: Ahh...thank you! You know that three people, including myself have looked over this story and we STILL miss things..lol. I'm glad you liked this so far...hopefully we won't dissappoint in later chapters. ~Elspeth Report Review
I'm saving the chapters for treats for myself, since there were only two left! :D You have to work on more! I trust that we will have it all figured out in time, but you certainly have peaked my curiosity (and here is where I just realized that Alex is either a girl's or guy's name, as I was going to say "sir" but then thought it might be "miss", so please take little offense at this)! Now there comes the question of self restraint; how much longer can I hold off reading the last chapter in hopes that when I next look 13 will have joined it? *hint hint*Author's Response: (I'm a "sir," haha...no problem.) Believe it or not , but there is more to Chapter twelve so you can look forward to reading more of that. I don't like posting chapters until I've got most if not all of it done, so you might have a ways to go before chapter thirteen arrives...hang in there! Report Review
I just wanted to say sorry for the mix up on the Dark Arts site! I'm brand new over there and didn't know that I wasn't allowed to make you a banner. If you are at all unhappy with it, please don't hesitate to ask for a new one, you won't hurt my feelings at all!
Also, I wanted to let you know how awesome your story really is; that's what made me want to fill the request in the first place. I got so sucked in and it was beautiful! I'm always looking for good Neville pieces since I think he is sadly lacking face-time in the books, and I wanted to say thank you for writing such a great one-shot! Author's Response: Never mind the mixup, it's a beautiful banner, thanks so much for it!
And i'm so glad you enjoyed the story! Once again, thanks for the great banner, and thanks for the review! Report Review
Aw man! Sucks to be William. I really do like Elizabeth a lot. She reminds me a bit of each of the HP characters in her own way, which is nice. Is the grading system the same as Hogwarts or the American Muggle system? I don't know where an 'A' falls when Elizabeth quips that she's getting one in Astronomy. Author's Response: The grading system is the same as American Muggle systems..."A" is the highest mark awarded, although Elizabeth's quip is supposed to be taken sarcastically. Look back at her struggles with Astronomy and you'll understand her pain... Report Review
I keep trying to draw parallels between these characters and the HP ones, and I like that I can't. They are their own unique people and that's so wonderful! I'm keeping my eye on this Gregory charater though.....*suspicious stare* Author's Response: I'm glad I've worked really hard to avoid those comparisons! You keep your eye on whoever you feel is necessary...(shifty) Report Review
Iron bludgers?! I'm not sure, but I think they are made out of something else (presumably leather as well) because otherwise lots of people would just die when hit with them.
Sadly, that is the ONLY constructive criticism I can come up with because, like all of the others, I loved this chapter too! I have only one question; Henri - flamingly gay at 11 or just an effete Frenchman? :DAuthor's Response: Actually, Bludgers ARE made out of iron, they're also 10 inches in diameter...(hehe)
He's definitely not gay, but he's can be a bit of a complainer. He's short and scrawny and he doesn't very much get the advantage in most situations. The way I picture him, he doesn't seem effete. He just seems childish in some respects... Report Review
I did not know that the site won't let me review chapters I've done already. Hunh. Anyhow, the changes are subtle (I think I spotted only a few minor ones) but good! I'm so happy you liked the banner too! *remember to credit the artist in the story summary so people know who to ask if they want a banner* I am okay to keep reading on past chapter seven now, yeah? Or are there more changes? I'll hold off on the reviews until I get the green light from you - considering I can only leave one! :DAuthor's Response: Yeah, they are subtle, but they will eventually add up in the end so it is very necessary they are there.
I thanked you in both the summary and at the beginning of my first chapter...I hope that's okay.
I've been going through each of my chapters one a night adding more. I just finished chapter eight and it is already posted. So you can count on my editing a chapter or two a day until I finish writing chapter twelve and post it on HPff... Report Review
Icarus is the coolest name. I don't think I've said that yet. I don't know what to say other than how great this is so far! :D Report Review
How clever! I've always wondered what means other schools use to sort their students (assuming they do). You're making me want to write my own OC story, which is crazy since I keep my original works so separate from anything I do in the fan fiction realm. Thanks for writing an awesome story!Author's Response: You will see that some of the procedures taken at Wentwater are faintly reminiscent of Hogwarts, owning to the fact that it was founded by a wizard whose parents were Hogwarts students. So, you'll see similarities, but like how the colonies were to the crown, there will be differences. Report Review
Okay, I'm forgetting to review as I'm getting all caught up in the story!! How do you come up with your names, they're perfect! Your description of Wentwater reminds me of my best friend's high school; Lakeside. I promise that if I come up with something helpful I will write it, but for now I'm just going to sing your praises!Author's Response: I work really hard on names. That's one of my main pet peeves with OCs. I find it hard to believe some of the characters based solely on their names. If the name isn't believeable then I find a character hard to chew. I know this is the WW, but I don't think Byther Gwyenth is a HP appropriate name. Report Review
Oh man, I'm going to become your groupie, I swear. I hate to be the reviewer that doesn't leave anything helpful, but I like this as-is. I love Grandpa too, he's just awesome. Would you like a banner? I noticed you don't have one yet, and I don't know if it's because you want to leave it all to the imagination or just because no one has offered. Author's Response: Thank you. Grandpa Thatcher is a great character and there is lots in store with him.
I'd love a banner, I hadn't been offered one, but I'd very much like one. I'll leave the design up to you. I'd like you, as the reader, to come up with something. It's almost as if I'm putting you in the role of the illustrator!
Just a little note for when you get there, chapters 5, 6, and 7 have just been edited to include new information and descriptions so I'm going to ask that for now, you don't review any further than chapter four. (An author asking a reviewer not to review?) I've changed a bit of things, nothing big, but it helps with the consistency of the story... Report Review
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