The first paragraph: perfect. You explained all of the questions that I had in the last chapter and pushed Hermione back into character. Wonderful :)
I really enjoyed this chapter. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thank you so so so much! I had to add that because I knew that everyone would be like, "What?! She wouldn't do that!" Thanks so much for your feedback! I'm a big fan of your work, so it means a lot! Report Review
Oh thank GOD; I was beginning to worry that you'd turned Malfoy all gooey and sappy. The ending was lovely and so in character for him. I must say, Hermione seems just a bit OOC in this chapter; I can't imagine her just falling into bed with her enemy, especially at 15-16 years of age. Besides that, though, I did enjoy the chapter.
-Oh, I'm sorry ...were you expecting a chariot pulled by unicorns?- That line just cracked me up. You have a flair for the dialogue between Draco and Hermione; Hermione's words in the beginning of the chapter were very in character for her, and I can completely picture her saying haughtily, -It's simply illogical to mount that thing and fly into the air at dangerous speeds!-
Anywayy, well done on this chapter :)Author's Response: Wow, you're my fave author I can't believe you're reading my story :)
Thanks for the advice! I know, I was struggling with keeping Hermione in character, so I'll try to do better with her!
Thanks SO much for the read and the review! Report Review
Great first chapter. I was really drawn in by your first few sentences because they made me laugh about poor Hermione and her jeans :) I don't generally read stories where Hermione's pregnant, particularly as she would just be turning 16 in her sixth year (it just bothers me), but I'll give it a shot, since I liked the beginning :)Author's Response: I wrote this because I, myself, am a teen mom, so I thought it would be a twist. I'm not some weirdo, I swear! Haha! And thank you very much for giving my story a chance and I hope I don't disappoint! Report Review
Great first chapter! I may have missed it, but did you say what year they were in? I really liked your characterizations; they seemed to be quite in character, particularly Luna. Also, the paragraph beginning with "Hermione had never been to Italy" was stunningly well-written. I loved it. Report Review
Awww poor Malfoy didn't get his kiss :P Honestly though, if I was Hermione, I'm not sure I could resist! Ha :) Anyway, I just discovered this story yesterday and I definitely love it. Your hilarious disclaimers always make me smile!
PS: I LOVE 9000 word chapters ;)
So yeah, I loved it and can't wait for the next chapter! Report Review
Hahahaha I absolutely loved this, particularly the end! Your Hermione is snarky and witty; love it! Report Review
Ahhh that was amazing, and definitely worth the wait! Your edits to the last chapter were perfect and made the story much stronger.
The part with Narcissa nearly made me cry. Great chapter, and I hope that there's not as long of a wait for the next!Author's Response: Thanks! It's great to know that the edits have improved it :D I feel happier with those sections of Ch 10 (though I think there is still more work to do on other areas.).
I'm glad you liked Narcissa's scene: I really enjoyed writing her, and trying to get under the skin of her character. Report Review
"Friends don't let other friends fail N.E.W.T.s." Haha that made me smile for some reason =) I really liked this chapter; your Hermione is very in canon; her reasons for wanting to figure Malfoy out (he's a mystery/puzzle for her to solve) are very in character. Nice job! Report Review
First off, I loved this line: "No, I must insist that you leave. Someone as delicate and refined as you cannot afford to be put in detention." That made me laugh! Oh, Draco. So clever. Pansy is an absolute cow, and I really enjoyed the way you've written her.
Mmmm not much else happened in this chapter for me to comment on... On to the next! Report Review
As with the other chapters, you could use a beta to help work out the kinks gramatically.
Other than that, I loved loved loved this chapter; I'm really hooked on this story, so much so that I'm not going to leave a properly long review since I really want to read the next chapter!
Oh, but I must say this: your characterization of Hermione is fantastic!! I really love the way you're taking the story slowly enough so that Hermione doesn't become OOC; everything that she does and feels towards Malfoy is perfectly rational and explained in your story. Very well done!! Report Review
Wow! Firstly, the first paragraph of this chapter sucked me in and captured my attention immediately. Your description of the chimaera was amazing, to say the least. I could literally picture every detail of it, and that's always a great thing for a reader to be able to do when reading a story.
Hahaha I LOVED this sentence of Draco's: "“Whatever. Let’s just get back before this harmless little pussy cat of Hagrid’s finds a way to claw itself free." It definitely made me laugh out loud, which made my roommate look at me like I was crazy because my dorm room was rather quiet at the moment lol.
Besides the fact that your chapters are a little short, I really enjoy them! The interaction between Draco and Hermione is fascinating, and I find myself exceedingly curious to find out exactly what happened to Draco in the battle or at another time to make him act un-Dracoish.
Great chapter =) Report Review
Oh goodness, I just have to point this out because it makes me cringe whenever I read this particular grammar mistake. You wrote 'She couldn't of heard right', but it should be 'She couldn't have heard right." Sorry if I'm being irritating, but I just had to point that out!
The word "benign" is an interesting one to use to describe Draco. I kind of like it! Because benign is the opposite of malignant (like in tumors), and it just seems to fit somehow. Haha I may be rambling now xD
I really enjoyed this chapter. You're setting the scene nicely for later chapters by describing Malfoy's behavior and how it differs from how his behavior used to be. I also loved your description of the nog-tails; they sound really cute! I'm too lazy to open up another internet browser window and go check the HP Lexicon to see if nogtails are your creation or JK Rowling's, but if they are yours, then congrats, that's a really cute idea! If not, then it's still a good idea to use in your story =)
I can't wait to see how Hermione gets out of this chimaera predicament!
Excellent chapter Report Review
Wow, the one thing that really stood out to me in this chapter was your description of Draco's eyes:
"His eyes were like steel nowadays. Before the final battle they were often stormy with angst or reminded her of mercury rising when he got angry or haughty. Now they shielded any emotion or mood he was in."
That's probably the best description I've ever read of anyone's eyes, and you managed to introduce a key point in the story (his newfound apathy) by doing so. Great job! There were a few minor punctuation mistakes, but other than that, I thought this was a really good first chapter! I'm intrigued to find out where Draco was during the final battle. I'm pleased to hear that Crabbe and Goyle stayed to fight; that's cute. I always felt that JK Rowling didn't do the Slytherins enough justice when she wrote the battle scene of Deathly Hallows. Anyway, on to the next chapter! Report Review
Good chapter, but one thing you may want to work on is having a little more dialogue and less description of Hermione's thoughts. Another little problem I'm noticing is that you seem to switch between tenses a lot. You're telling most of the story in past tense, such as the second to last line:
"Slowly, almost as if someone had brought time itself to a slower pace, she turned her head to look down the hall and found Ron standing there, his arms folded across his chest, a look of both confusion and anger across his face, skin almost red enough to rival the hair on his head."
But then you have most of the paragraph before that written in present tense. Getting a beta would definitely help you iron out those little issues and improve your story to perfection.
That said, I really enjoy your plot, though as I said in my first review, I'd love to hear a bit more reasoning behind why Hermione took the challenge in the first place, besides just trying to show Malfoy up.
Oh, and I loved this line: "Its dirty and scandalous and oh so wrong but at the same time it sends this delicious thrill through her and she realizes the forbidden fruit can often be just as sweet if not more so than any other kind." Great allusion to christianity.
I look forward to the next chapter! Report Review
Loved it! Hermione's very very good; I loved the fact that she didn't completely give in and attacked him instead, it made this a lot more believable.
I also really liked the way you described their little encounter on the bed. Your description was good, realistic, and unique. I swear, if I have to read one more cheesy description of "Malfoy's tongue slippd into her mouth, smooth as butter as he gazed into Hermione's chocolate eyes," I may cry. Yours was really good though. Great job! Report Review
Good chapter. I like your writing style, especially the descriptions. On to the next chapter! Report Review
I really enjoyed that chapter; it's an excellent beginning to what seems like it's going to be a good story! I was just a little confused as to why they're all going to be wasting their time on this game when Malfoy didn't even mention some kind of reward or anything. It seems a little farfetched that they'd all waste their time on it just out of a desire to beat Malfoy, especially 3 years after Hogwarts; you'd think they would have grown up a little. Anyway, just a suggestion =)
Nice chapter! I'm going to move on to the next chapter now :) Report Review
Wow. I really loved it. I especially liked your writing style; it was expressive, yet at times slightly muddled, which fit perfectly with the alcohol-induced haze that Hermione was in. It worked really well with the story. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you! I was so nervous writing the story. I don't think i've ever attempted something quite so...dark. But I did it, and i'm glad you liked it, because when i'd finished it, i wasn't too sure...
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Loved this chapter as well! I was glad to read Malfoy's reaction when he first woke up; it was very canon ;) Well done! Report Review
Oh, I reallly loved your last line: " "Gr... Granger..." he whispered, before falling back into the depth of the abyss he had just awoken from."
That was a really beautiful line. I can't wait to read the next chapter :) Report Review
First of all, I have to admit that the very reason I clicked on this story was because of your banner; it's amazing!
The ending was beautiful; I actually shivered, and almost cried. I loved the way you crafted this one-shot. It was so sad, but also very pretty. Wonderful job! Report Review
Wow. That's all I can say. That story was so beautiful. I loved the way you used this challenge to create such a masterpiece. The no-dialogue challenge worked well for this story; it really increased the emotion that the readers feel when reading it. I also loved the title. It was absolutely amazing, and I want to thank you for not calling it Romeo and Juliet, because that would've been BEYOND cliche. I loved the fact that you merely mentioned Romeo and Juliet, though. It was a very sweet line: "He was her Romeo; she was his Juliet."
Anyway, brilliantly done. 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was very proud of this piece of work; I had such a 'dry spell' when it came to writing, the worst writers block I had ever had! And then this challenge came along and I could not resist. So here I am... And I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Your review is very heartening :) Report Review
*shiver* the ending was so perfect for this chapter. I haven't been this excited about a story in a long time! Amazing job!!!Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted something that was a little bittersweet, not entirely unlike their burgeoning relationship.
Glad you're enjoying it! Thank you for all the comments. Report Review
Or it could be Draco's warning! I hope the burning is Draco's warning and not that he betrayed her...
Awesome last few chapters!!! On to the next!Author's Response: Could be, could be...
Thank you so much! :D Hope you enjoy the last (current) part. Report Review
I loved the last line!
"And then, with boneless grace, and the sort of impeccable timing that had made the Malfoys famous, he fainted dead away."
It made me laugh =) I'm hoping he's not dead haha but I'm not very worried, since what's a Dramione story if you kill off Draco?? Another great chapter!!!Author's Response: Oops, thought I'd responded to this; not sure why it didn't go through!
I can't help but feel even in extremely unmanly swooning, Draco retains a certain style ;) I'm always glad to have provided a bit of entertainment :D
It's a short Dramione story, is what it is ;) More of a 'dram' than a Dramione... Report Review
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