This was interesting. Basically a Cho ruined by the war. Well written and confusing. I think the confusing throws people off (unfortunately most poeple don't like to read things they can't readily understand) but its fits with the confused mind of Cho. She seems to blame all her misery on Cedric and associate him with the Dark Lord. I thought there might be some time travel involved, but I'm not sure.
Who is the letter from? It was good to leave that mystery. It sad she thinks no one will write her. Report Review
Wonderful. Ilove this! You write battles well. Report Review
This is actually quite good, i enjoyed it and there is not another fic on the site like it, I'm sure of it. I tried once to find a Dudley boxing fic, but no one had ever written one and this isn't that...but its the closest I've seen. And its good. Report Review
This is already much better writing then most on this site. The prologue is intriguing. This goes into my favorites for tracking. I really want to see who this bad guy is. Good job.Author's Response: thanks! It's nice to hear my writing is good as it's something I hope to have as an career anyway...
as for the bad guy... you'll know (someday hahah)
thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I like this. It's a really good idea. I like the tone and style of the writing.Author's Response: Yay Thank you! I appreciate that so much! :D Report Review
Wow. I've got to favorite this one. What a cliffhanger. You write well.Author's Response: omg, thank you so much for favoriting. Definitely don't deserve it.
Cliffhangers Report Review
This is a promising start. Very interesting main character and I love the first few paragraphs. Very well written. I look forward to more.Author's Response: Thank you. Report Review
This is from a Shakespeare play or the idea is taken? Which one? I was never an English major?
Anyway, this is wonderful, as are most things you write. And different. There is nothing quite like a forsakenphoenix story.Author's Response: Haha, I'm the farthest you can be from an English major too. The idea is based on the play, Hamlet, by Shakespeare. Mostly the idea of an uncle poisoning the main character's father to take the throne.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I know you've been reading my stories for a while so it's nice to see you pop in for a review. :) Report Review
This is very well done! I like it a lot.Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
I like this a lot. It's well written and a novel idea! Report Review
I like this...I never heard of the song though! This is a nice and well written little fic.Author's Response: why thank you! i'm glad you liked it x Report Review
I normally hate Lily fics! But this story has the best 'tag line' ever and is destinated (if you finish it) to be a Harry Potter fanfic classic.
It has the prefect tone. Funny, although I suspect darker further along. Awesome first chapter.
Also, I had forgotten that Hogwarts had Mermaids.Author's Response: thank you so much! :) i'm really glad you enjoyed it. and wow! a HPFF classic? thank you!! i really hope so!
I was actually aiming for funny with ominous tones, I'm glad it came through. Thank you sooo much for your review! Report Review
This is wondeful. I wonder if they reallly went to that field to play Quidditch or wheather they are hiding a darker secret? Hmn. Well done!Author's Response: We'll have to see. :) And thank you for the review. Report Review
This is quite fun! Great characterizations. I wonder whatg you have in store?
This story works well, but is a little bland in the sense that the writing is very restrained. Try to be a little more poetical, especially with the opening paragraph.
Writings more fun that way.Author's Response: Thank you and I'll try my best. I plan on going back a rewriting the first chapter or my "introduction" to the story but I don't know when that'll be. Hopefully, after I get the plot more set in stone. :) Report Review
Well done! Excellent!Author's Response: Thank you that's high praise. Please feel free to read what I've posted so far of my other stories, there are one or two updates to come for them. Also please look out for a new short story (going through validation) called Ade's magical awakening. Prequel to Son of Potter vs Son of Bellatrix. Thanks again for taking the time to leave a message. Happy reading. Report Review
This is wondeful. I like how you worked in Parvati as a friend.Author's Response: Oh, thank you! Report Review
This is very nicely done. You have a very nice sense of character and place.Author's Response: Thank you. Report Review
It took me two paragraphs of the intro, not even the story to decide that your the best writer I've ever seen here - . If the two characters you started with here are your creations and not Terry P's that is.
I've never seen anyone on this site so capable of creating characters, if these are yours..hell, if these are yours you are close to the best writer I've ever read period and I read about 50 novels a year (I'm a train commuter).
If not, well, you still plagerize well, which is an admirable and valuable skill of writers and not just fanfic writers. All the best stuff is some sort of spun plagerization redetailed.Author's Response: Sorry for the lateness of the reply >.< But if it makes up for it, YOUR REVIEW JUST MADE MY DAY!
OMG Thank you for that compliment! Seriously! I - floored and can't complete sentences-
Yes, the two main characters are all mind. In fact, they are all my OCs (except for Spavin, who is actually canon in name but practically OC in characterization). Terry Pratchett is more of a style/tone inspiration for me. How he meshes adventure and humor so well. Of course, I'll never be able to measure up to that, but your compliment makes me feel like I'm not shaming him as much as I think I am.
Again, thanks so much! ILY! Report Review
This is compelling and easy to read. You have an excellent flow to your writing style. The dialogue seems real. All the characters seem canon. You've also clearly read the book closely.
I really enjoyed the scene in the greenhouse. That was a superb peice of writing.
The only criticism maybe, is that the emotions seem a little dull. You haven't really dialed into the immediacy of Hannah's head. Maybe because you're rushing through the years so much.
Next chapter, I assume, Hannah's mother is killed. So that should be an emotional chapter.
Definitely the best Hannah/Neville fic I've read so far.Author's Response: Ooooh, thank you, I do love constructive criticism!
First of all, thank you very much, I tend to pride myself on sticking to canon... er, usually. I'm not sure about superb, but thank you.
Next, I'll just say that, yes, I am rushing through the years so much. Sorry about that. My idea was that most of this would take place in 7th year and afterwards, so I was just trying to develop the initial friendship first of all so that it didn't seem such a spontaneous relationship.
I read this review after I wrote the next chapter (because I didn't think anybody would be kind enough to leave anything!) so I hope I've done the emotions justice.
Yes - spoilers - Hannah's mother is killed in the next one. Since I've never lost a close family member, it was difficult to write, but again I admit it may have been a little rushed.
But thank you again, I hope the next is better! Report Review
I like this. Its simple, well paced. It really does fell like its Hannah speaking.
Just double space it please, to make it easier to read. Report Review
You know what, this is really high concept. I love it -- Death in Digital Runes. Except, it really needs editing. This chapter needs maybe five more drafts.
This is like looking at a partially carved statue, there is a lot of junk marble still there. Work on writing each sentence as clear as possible, chisel and cut away, don't worry about description to much. Use verbs more than adjectives.
Give us the core. This has the potential a to be great. It is surely unique.
Looking forward to more. Report Review
Interesting missing moment fic. Well done. McGonagall seems to be fun to write, you certainly did some strong stuff with her here.Author's Response: Thanks muchly! I'm glad that you liked it. Yes, she's one of my favorite characters - so I suppose I did have some fun with her. Report Review
Beautiful. Simply beautiful! Report Review
This is nice. I think you did Dudley well and have nice steady flow to your writing.Author's Response: Thank you! I spent a lot of time rewriting Dudley's part in this chapter so it fit him better, so I'm glad it paid off :) Report Review
Cockroach cluster!!! LOL! This is quite good. Interesting idea well executed. Report Review
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