aw no! Ron is brave! i like that! i've never read a story where the writer actually let ron be smart and brave. yay. lol
~there were a fre run on sentences, but no big deal.
~“If we call You-Know-Who out now, we die.” reminded me of someone outsisde voldemort's bedroom window calling "yoohoo! you-know-who!" hehehe
~wouldn't the front-line be the ones who advance on voldemort?
great story, seriously. Report Review
i agree with your beta! lol. i'm not a H/Hr shipper, but i have written it in a crazy love-triangle story. and i'll still read it (obviously, as i'm reading and reviewing yours lol.) If people don't like the ship, then they shouldn't read the story. simple as that! I also get reviews like that. where i'm called stupid or whatnot because of my shipping (currently Hermione/Fred). People are ridiculous.
And your story does rock. :)
i was confused at first when it announced that your beat was going to say something. but i wouldn't have been so confused if you put some division between it and the story. maybe bold the part you have in caps or put a line in there. :)
And for the story:
~ I'm surprised Lupin didn't recognize her. i thought for sure one of her old friends would. does she look different? cuz if she does, that would explain why no one recognizes her.
~would lily/kendra really hide the fact that she possibly just dug up a grave that had her name on it? (or what she thought might be her name)
~Your writing style is very unique. I like it! Actually, its almost like i'm reading a diary, cuz you ALMOST address the reader. i dunno. it's like you're conversing with the reader without actually saying "hey you!" or something.
Great job! and don't hesitate to send me a pm when you update!
Also, if you would like someone else to take a look at this story, you can find the link to GotFanfic in my signature on HPFF! :D
Author's Response: I'm sure Caroline would love to hear that! I'll put a divider there, that is, if I don't delete it. I agree with you, though. Someday I'm going to try a really crazy pairing, just for the fun of it, and those reviews will make it even more fun.
~She does look different. It will come up fairly soon. I hope.
~It isn't a grave, it's a box. It has a few- well, I shouldn't really say.
~I can't tell you how nice it is to hear that. So basically I'm breaking the rules without intending to? JK.
yeah, I'll send you a PM when I update! But if you don't want to read anymore, it's okay to tell me to stop. ^_^ Report Review
congrats on your TA status! it's very exciting.
chocolates and a bath= muggle magic. lol.
i don't have much to say about this chapter except for the fact they they're all really short! if you added more details, the story would have more body and would flow better. (i sound like i'm describing a dress. . . how odd) haha
Author's Response: Thank you! I was so happy and surprised when I got the PM.
It is muggle magic. At least, it works for me...
I know they are short. I am rubbish at writing a lengthy chapter, though they do pop in (such as the chapter when Lily met James in her flashback). I'll try though to add some details.
That's a dress I want!
Sophie Report Review
Hmm, more flashbacks. But, maybe she'll tell hermione about them this time. . . . lol
and now i see that i was wrong about ginny. and no wonder lily's bones are missing. they're right in the room! but i dunno about james. is he alive too?!
also, don't put an authors note in the middle of a story. you couls always just put it at the end to explain. But i don't think an explanation was completely necessary anyways. :)Author's Response: Yes, more flashbacks. There are going to be tons in this story. Even more if the idea I have actually gets written out.
Sorry about that. I'm going to try to write a speech for Dumbles. Report Review
a cliff hanger!! no! lol
hmm, i wonder what's wrong. i think its something with ginny. . . .
i saw a few small errors that maybe your beta did not see. nothing major. :)
Maybe Lily/Kendra will finally get the truth!Author's Response: Yes, I tend to do a lot of those. It's fun!
You'll see. For both of those. :) Report Review
So far, I Author's Response: Hello there! Oh, I think it cut the review off. :) Report Review
Ron wants pancakes. lol.
i always find something funny about your story. whether it was there to be funny or not, it is. :)
~The only correction i found was that every so often you confuse your tenses. I didn't notice it in the other chapters, but i wasn't looking for it before. You're writing in mostly present tense, but a few times you use past tense when it is not needed.
~ EEEK! Why didn't she tell Hermione about her name dream!?!? lol Oh the suspense!! hahaha
Author's Response: It was. I have to admit, I'm not the best at humor, but I do like to slip some in every now and then.
I tend to do that a lot, don't I? And she doesn't tell Hermione because she doesn't know yet.
Petunia and fashion. lol.
I have no corrections or questions for this chapter. yay! lol
~The flashback was very well written! And believable.
~ Smell is the strongest part of the memory. Props for knowing/ applying that!! :DAuthor's Response: That's good, though I do appreciate CC. And questions.
I'm glad it was believable and well written! I was worried about that, and well, everything in this story.
Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it! ^_^ Report Review
the Sandman. lol.
I like this story so far. It's very original! :)
But i have a few questions:
~ Shouldn't it say Healer Granger and not Doctor Granger? I'm pretty sure it was made clear in one of the HP books that muggle Doctors are kind of made fun of by the Healers. So i don't think addressing a Healer as Doctor is correct. :)
~ The thoughts of a character are best distinguished from dialogue when they are in italics. when you type your story, just add in < i > (without the spaces) before the word and < / i > after it.
~ The last question is about the Muggle stuff. Would Hermione have it? Especially the car. She's a very capable witch (unless in your story she has no magic. . .) and she can Apparate and what not. So why wouldn't she do it? And in her home, you mentioned a TV and movies. Would Hermione have those, too?
Keep up the great work!!Author's Response: Thank you!
~Yeah, I think I did change one thing to Healer, but I must have forgotten the rest. Thank you for reminding me!
~I do that when it is third person, but I guess I thought in 1st person there was no point. I'll think about it, 'kay?
~She has it because of a reason I'm going to add in. Oh, and she has TV and movies because she still grew up as a muggle, and would like some muggle things. Report Review
OK, the imagery in the prologue was great!
The story so far is suspenseful. If i didn't read the summary, I'd be wondering "Who is she?" lol but i am wondering "What was the light?" :D At first i thought it was the headlights of a big truck, but then i realized "Duh, she's in a graveyard. What would a truck be doing in the graveyard?" haha
Anyways, in the second paragraph you addressed the reader. That's a no-no. lol it's nothing major, and you can keep it. but i would change it so that you used "one" when it was necessary and then rephrased it a little. :)
And there's another thing. Would they really send the patient home with Hermione? Especially if they don't even know her name, let alone if she was completely insane or unhealthy. I'll just have to keep reading!Author's Response: Thank you!
Haha, yeah. Well, maybe there was a drunk driver, or a driver who hated someone in the graveyard, or maybe even a drunk driver who hated someone in the graveyard.
I'll change the you thing.
Oh, and they do a health check on Hermione. I'm working on scenes to add into this story, and that is one of them. Report Review
This story is amazing. it has a great flow and an awesome plot. i absolutetly love it!!! this is why i'm glad you're my new beta. you're an amazing writer. :D
i have nooo criticizm whatsoever. you have a new fangirl. (*insert high pitched sqeal here*) hahaha
i marked you as a favorite author/ story so i'll get an email when you update (right?) anyways, i'm looking forward to it!
ginny, er- monica, and harry living together? oh jeez. i can only imagine if he actually fell for her cuz she reminds him of Ginny (hmmm, no clue why though. . .lol) and she had a hard time keeping everything from him.
i thought for sure that dumbledore's painting would recognize the fact that shewas Ginny, cuz he's crazy smart. lol but it think you wrote something about him only being a fraction of himself, therefore all of his intelligence is not there. which makes sense. . .
why don't i shut up now? good idea.
10/10, of course! Author's Response: *blushes* you don't have to shut up! that was actually quite nice to listen to... ermm... read... yea. I can't believe you like it this much!! I'm SO glad you do though! I'm working hard on the next chapter. Should be up soon, but i dunno about the email thing, i never get one... anyways thanx so much for the review!! Im SO glad youre enjoyin it!! Report Review
i'm thinking that i may have missed something, but how and when did Luna get back?
anyways, it's great! i normally don't read cross-overs, but since i never read the other series/book it doesn't seem like a cross-over. :D
this is an awesome story! keep up the great work!Author's Response: Luna never went anywhere!
Thanks :) Report Review
very cute. :)
i added this to my favorites.Author's Response: Thank you, it's much appreciated. :D Report Review
great chapter! loved it!Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
hi... i'm back. :p
ok so i read this like right before i went to bed last night and i think i dreamt about it. haha i dunno cuz i woke up and it felt like i had JUST read it and it was fresh in my mind.
strange... i know but i thought i'd tell you. hahaha
hope you update soon! :DAuthor's Response: Oh I’m sorry it haunted your dream darling! That would be a horrible dream! Thank you for the review and taking the time to tell me! I love reviews! : ) Report Review
this was cute. i reccomend making it a chaptered story.
it was well written, except for a few minor stuff. like typos and the usual. but i enjoyed it.
i also wanted to congradulate (sp?) you on your handling of negative reviews. if they reviewed your other fics and said similar things, then they were just looking for drama by saying the same thing. for them to read your writing again if they didn't like it, then it's like putting your hand on the hot stove for a second time. ya know?
anyways, i liked this. great job!
i think you have inspired me to write a romance between hermione and one of the twins... hehe Report Review
we're allowed all of that? wow! maybe it just seemed like more...
i'm pretty sure i'll never cross that line, i would be too uncomfortable to write anything like that anyways! :D Report Review
I honestly really love this story. As a teenaged girl with a very similar speech impediment, I feel for your character. Which, was your point: to have readers connect with your character in one way or another. And, you succeded!! Great job!
I noticed that when you write Kat's studder (is it stutter?) you put more than one dash (-). I was under the impression that only one was needed. I may be wrong, though.
Another thing is that I don't think that witches or wizads would throw the word "muggle" about when a muggle is around. For fear that they would ask about the meaning. Which Kat did. And, Molly kind of explained it. Molly, or anybody, most likely wouldn't have answered anything other than "It's just a word that doesn't mean anything. Don't worry about it."
On to the next chapter. I must say that I'm looking forward to it!Author's Response: Well, I see what your saying about the whole Muggle thing. . . but as the town was supposed to be meant for Muggle-Wizard interrelations, so she's sort of trying vainly to tell them. . . the Muggles that is. . .
I'm so glad that you have connected with Kat! I knew someone with a speech impedement and people were so MEAN about it! So. . . yeah, it seemed like the perfect weakness (?) to give her. . . so yeah. . . it made a lot of sense. . .
Thanks so much for your ever enlightening reviews! I haven't got any like them so far! It makes me so happy to see someone's reading my story and caring for it as much as I do! Thanks again! Report Review
i absolutely love this story. and that's saying something cuz i normaly don't like stories that take place in the future. but your's is really good. it's ok about the delayed updates. every author on this site can relate lol.
btw i added this story to my favorites!Author's Response: YAY! Yousa make me happpppppppppppppy! Report Review
that is sooo funny. you should turn it into a full length story. it deffinitly has potential!!! great job!! Report Review
i think you story is hilarious (in a good way). keep it up!! but i also think you should make your chapters a bit longer. it's great otherwise!! Report Review
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