Not to offend you or anything, you really don't know how to act upon constructive critisisms. I know I'm only thirteen, but i can take people critisizing you. You may think this is a flame, but it isn't. I think your story has potential. I'm not exactly sure, i'll just say your 15 or 16, any who...what i mean to say is that, you should probably already know how to spell and capatilize. There is also such things called grammar. I don't think you should use slang in stories because it makes you sound as if you don't care about your story itself, like you don't care about it. Maybe you're just excited to post up, but I highly sugest you get a beta reader, or take time to show you have a passion for writing and not only write it because you were bored. I also skimmed through your newest story and it seems as though you have improved from this one, but still...it needs more description. It's good to see those descriptions about what holly's wearing(in your new story) but try a little harder to write more in each sentence. AND NO, i'm not an editor, just a compulsive hyper person who likes to read things that aren't rushed. I know you're probably thinking 'omfg! what a btch!' or she has no right to say that or maybe ' you don't have to read it if you don't like it.' but maybe you can hold those thoughts and re-read your story to see if it's true. I've also has the trouble too. the description and things that's why I re-read it and I revised, then i revised it again. *happy reading* thnx lemon smartie

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