Reading Reviews From Member: PhoenixTailAndHolly
  
111 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PhoenixTailAndHollyRenaissance: Affirmations

24th June 2013:
I absolutely loved this story. You have a great talent, and should you ever aspire to become a writer, I would read anything you created.

I was secretly hoping that Ron would somehow be voted as the new headmaster, though that would obviously break canon. McGonagall's lecture on how Hogwarts needed a younger generation, combined with the urban legend that Hogwarts would provide for a headmaster if need be kind of had me hoping for it.

Rated 10/10!

ps. I would love for you to read one of my stories. Perhaps even leave a review? ;)

Author's Response: I was very happy with how this story worked out. Alas, canon suggests Ron would not make headmaster, and I don't think his temperament would hugely suit! But he had a good adventure and got the girl back anyway. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #2, by PhoenixTailAndHollyStarlit Warning, Midnight Mourning: Forever and Always.

21st June 2013:
I liked the story, though adding Krum to it only to have her dump him didn't really add to the plot.

Good dialogue! Might I suggest broadening your vocabulary. You tend to choose very easy words, with makes the story easy and fast to read, but also a bit childish.

Rated 8/10

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Review #3, by PhoenixTailAndHollyIn the Hospital wing: In the Hospital wing

21st June 2013:
Apart from the occasional spelling or grammar mistake, I liked the story. One small mistake: Hermione tells him it is past midnight, they have a conversation that lasts at most 10 minutes, then the sun is rising, indicating it is nearly morning. Perhaps you should add a line to indicate them talking to each other about several things, to justify the lapse of time.

ps. The english use 'Err' in stead of 'Uhm'.

Rated it an 8/10, for good dialogue and fluff.

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Review #4, by PhoenixTailAndHollyMissing Moments: Chapter 2...The Burrow

20th June 2013:
Cool! I hope you update soon. Leave me a review if you feel like it!

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Review #5, by PhoenixTailAndHollyIn The Lull: In The Lull

20th June 2013:
Great story, though the analogies to the sea started to feel a little bit forced at the end. I think you have quite an extensive vocabulary, and you choose your words wisely; the text never becomes needlessly complex, or riddled with ostentatious synonyms. I rated this a 9/10

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much for coming by to read and review. I can see what you mean about the sea analogies, as they seem to return at the end having faded away. That said, I like Ron and Hermione's tangled fingers ;) Perhaps I could look at making it slightly subtler.

Thank you very much for both the CC and the praise!
Sarah


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Review #6, by PhoenixTailAndHollyOur Life Is About To Start: The Baby

20th June 2013:
I liked it. Really good writing, though you might want to ease up on the enters everywhere. Also, be wary of many long sentences in a row. Some paragraphs were difficult to read.

Rated 8/10.

Please leave me a review for one of my stories!

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Review #7, by PhoenixTailAndHollyTime In Between : Blonde Bimbos

20th June 2013:
Good writing. I hope to see the story progress.

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Review #8, by PhoenixTailAndHollyBecause I Love You: Slipping Away

20th June 2013:
I like the story, but I'm not sure if I like where it is headed. Krum appearing out of nowhere to become the antagonist was one thing, but he is oddly out of character (Krum in the books is actually quite relaxed and peaceful).

Also, be on the lookout for plot-holes. Krum, an all-star, widely-known quidditch player kidnaps a girl and performs a cruciatus curse? Why didn't the Weasleys go to the ministry? They could check his wand and his manor to find out if he was indeed hiding her away. Why are the Weasleys not actively on the lookout for Hermione?

That said, I do still like the story, but I urge you to spellcheck your stories, or even have someone proofread them for you. Leave me a review with your email if you want me to help.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, I'm glad you like the story!
I know Krum is beyond out of character, but if we wait until the end we'll see why, it's all a part of my plan. ;)
Thank you for the advice on the plot-holes; I am trying my best to fix any that will cause problems. I guess sometimes in my head things make sense, but when I write them down the full concept does not get across. To answer the question on why the Weasleys are not on the lookout for Hermione yet, is because in a previous chapter Molly makes it clear that before they try to find Hermione they must first come up with a plan because she does not like the idea of them wandering around with no plan.
Thank you so much for the offer! I may take you up on that, a second pair of eyes are always best!


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Review #9, by PhoenixTailAndHollyBecause I Love You: Chapter 6: He's Back But She's Gone

20th June 2013:
Well that escalated quickly...

Author's Response: Lol! One of my favourite memes!

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Review #10, by PhoenixTailAndHollyBecause I Love You: Chapter 5: A Letter, An Argument and Lots of Tears!

20th June 2013:
Readers note: I believe your Caps-Lock key is broken..

:)

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Review #11, by PhoenixTailAndHollyBecause I Love You: Chapter 3: Flashbacks, Advice and Arrivals!

20th June 2013:
apart from a few minor errors in grammar and spelling, I liked it. Try chopping some longer sentences up into little pieces. It helps to keep the pace in the story. Also, always start the first sentence spoken by a person on its own line. I read a few sentences in the middle of a paragraph, and it takes a little bit of processing. Starting it after an enter makes it much easier to read. Check out how JKR does it in her books.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the advice and review! I will keep this in mind when I'm writing.

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Review #12, by PhoenixTailAndHollyBecause I Love You: Chapter 2: Heartbreaks and Tears

20th June 2013:
I like where the story is going. Try not to make the dialogue too informal. I know I tend to write a little formal, but this was a little too "hippy-doo-dah" for me. Also, Ron's outburst to his brothers was a little uncharacteristic. He spent the more than 3 books hiding his emotions about Hermione. I doubt he would just drop the bomb like that..

I did like the mood and tempo of the story. Keep at it!

ps. Thanks for your own review on my story!

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Review #13, by PhoenixTailAndHollyEver Thine. Ever Mine. Ever Ours.: Breakfast In Bed

24th May 2013:
I really liked the story. The dialogue was spot on, and didn't feel forced. The concept of spin the bottle was a bit of a cliche, but served its purpose. I've rated it a 10/10, because it was really good quality.

I would love to get your feedback on my stories. Please drop by and leave a review for my stories!

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Review #14, by PhoenixTailAndHollyTime to Go: Time to Go

24th May 2013:
Great fluffy one-shot! A hole-in-one. Good (but sparse) dialogue, and little to no grammar/spelling mistakes. Great finishing quote. Rated 9/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I appreciate the review. This was lots of fun to write. ~GW

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Review #15, by PhoenixTailAndHollyForce a Smile: Mistakes

24th May 2013:
Another chapter with slightly improved grammar and spelling. The dialogue is getting a bit forced, with so many curses and screaming.

As of now, the chapters are mostly like soap opera's. Each chapter is an entity on it's own, each linked to the other with a minor cliffhanger. Try adding in a few smaller storylines; small secondary themes that play out in the background of Ron/Hermione main storyline. The Harry/Ginny relationship is a good example of this, and it makes the story a bit more interesting. You might be able to mix in a few more of these.

I hope you continue the story. I like it.

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Review #16, by PhoenixTailAndHollyForce a Smile: Limbo

24th May 2013:
This chapter was better. Nice, flowing dialogue and a clear purpose. You still seem to omit a few words here and there. Am I correct in assuming you typed this out on hpff and submitted it without re-reading? An example:


“Ya know I just say you do it” George said, Ron looked at him as if he had four heads.

George's quote feel like it was penned out just as one might pronounce it. The correct sentence would be:

"You know, I'd just say: do it!"

This way, your readers won't have to decipher his comment in order to understand what you meant by it.

Please note that this is meant as constructive feedback. I'm not trying to make you feel bad; just trying to help you out a bit.

Rated 7/10

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Review #17, by PhoenixTailAndHollyTelling Memories : First Date

23rd May 2013:
Nice start for a story. I hope Hermione finds some solace. Mind the grammar though! The last sentence is a bit garbled. Rated 7/10

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Review #18, by PhoenixTailAndHollyThe Journey to Australia: Home Again

23rd May 2013:
I liked the story, though it got a bit sappy at the ending there. Try to steer away from cliche's. I felt the story was a bit 'fixed', in the sense that Hermione's parents just happened to be leaving for Britain the exact moment they had located them felt a bit.. well, fixed!

The dialogue was nice, though her father's confession about the fishing trip felt a bit jumbled and incoherent. I liked the epilogue; it wrapped up the story without being too definitive.

Might I invite you to read a story of mine? I would love some reviews from you.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review.
I will admit that the ending are my weakest spot, I can never decide when or how to finish a story and I felt that the cliche was about the only thing to work there given that we know how it all ends up anyway. I put their leaving for England at that time down to a parents intuition, somehow they knew that it was the time to go home and figure out what was missing.
And Hermione's father would have been rather incoherent at that time because they'd been awake for about 20hrs.
I hope that gives a bit better idea of where I was heading with the story.


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Review #19, by PhoenixTailAndHollyChristmas Tradition Interrupted : He needs a good snog!

30th May 2011:
Hi,

liked the story, a nice missing moment, though a little bit fluffy. A sequel would be appreciated..

Please, please, please check your grammar and spelling. Half the paragraphs had errors in them, many of which would easily have been fished out had you re-read the story. Remember: it's your responsibility as a writer to spell-check. A well-proofed story is easier to read, and the enjoyment of reading the story is the goal you as a writer are trying to fulfill.

Also, don't use too many clichés, and, with missing moments: try to keep your characters in-character! Nothing is more disturbing than a dutyfull George, a self-secure Neville, or a McGonagall breaking the rules :)

Nonetheless: rated 7/10, for a nice fluffy missing moment story.

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Review #20, by PhoenixTailAndHollyThe Big Question: The Big Question

3rd December 2010:
Really liked the story. Perhaps a second chapter describing the proposal?

I read more of your stories. They're good. Thanks for an enjoyable 30 minutes of reading! :)

ps. Cut some of the linebreaks in this story. Three [enters] are enough to separate paragraphs.

Rated this story 8/10 for good dialogue, and an interesting plot. Watch out for adding too much cliche in the dialogue and thoughts though..

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Review #21, by PhoenixTailAndHollyPieces: Four: Come Back To Me

25th October 2010:
Nice story. A lot of romance in such a short period of time, but an entertaining read!

I like Hermione and Ron needing to touch each other continually. Makes them feel really 'lovebirdy' :-)

Please read/review my stories too. Currently started one called "The Golden Centurions".

Rated 9/10, for good dialogue and nice flow.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'll definitely give your story a glance! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

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Review #22, by PhoenixTailAndHollyA Bedtime Story: A Bedtime Story

20th October 2010:
Nice story! Good dialogue and convincing in the way it describes Ron and Hermione's interaction with their children. One small correction:

Hermione's uncomfort -> Hermione's discomfort

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Review #23, by PhoenixTailAndHollyHow I Fell in Love with Ronald Weasley: Chapter 1

20th October 2010:
Hi!

I liked the story, but the ending felt a bit forced. The diary really doesn't serve any purpose: he could have been flipping through some old photographs and remembered the same things.

Still, rated it a 6/10, for an entertaining read.

Author's Response: Ya... I really wasn't into it at the end, and I really have no idea why I posted it. I may go back one day and fix it up. Thanks!

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Review #24, by PhoenixTailAndHollyBattle of Hogwarts - What happend in The Chamber of Secrets?: Battle of Hogwarts - What happend in The Chamber of Secrets?

20th October 2010:
nice! Through there were some mistakes in grammar, the story was nice. Try working on your tempo. Build up slowly, using lots of narrative and observations, then slowly pick up the speed with more dialogue and action. Rated this story 7/10

Author's Response: Yeah pace is something I will improve on as I write more I think. Thanks for the review.

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Review #25, by PhoenixTailAndHollyPurpose and Priorities: Partings

12th October 2010:
nice! a good, if fluffy, read

rated 8/10

Author's Response: Yes, it's quite fluffy...especially this chapter, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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