This was an absolute treat to read, twisted as it was. That's what made it so good, of course. I've always loved it when writers took the darker characters of the series and go deep to explore their psyche then presenting them in a well-written story with a tightly woven bow on top. I liked that you focused more on her splintered mind rather than go all out psycho. It's restrained but more realistic and believable. The more personal insights into her previous life were nice touches, I especially enjoyed the dynamic of hers and Rodolphus' relationship, brief as it was. I wanted more but that's probably just me being greedy, I'd love to read more of their romance and marriage. You really captured hers and Narcissa's sisterly relationship, a touch sentimental without compromising Bellatrix's unstable state. The necklace story gave a surprisingly human side to her that I did not expect. Actually, the entire scene had a lovely flow to it, I could believe it could come straight from canon! It's a marvel and real testament to your writing that you could cover so much of what essentially drives both characters while still maintaining that great flow. The imagery in the description was top-notch while the window being the focus point was something a therapist would have a field day over and Merlin knows if anyone needs therapy, it's Bellatrix Lestrange.
~MistyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing my story! I think you are definitely right, Bellatrix is straight up cray, and she needs therapy :) It was important for me to show how fractured her mind is though, how she jumps from thought to thought, the way she can be talking completely normally to Cissy and then just go completely insane on her.
To be honest, it didn't occur to me to put more of the Rodolphus relationship in there, because to her it's just another passing thought, you know? It shows how unimportant he is in her life, that her thoughts linger on him for only a moment, recount the past, and then she moves on.
I thank you again, so incredibly much for reviewing my story it really put a huge smile on my face :) Report Review
Hiya Emma! *waves*
So err I hope you remember me and even if you don't, that's okay too. I had some free time and a sudden need to read some good HPFF fics so I found your page and this little gem was at the top. Naturally, Albus Severus as a hipster intrigued me as heck so I had to give this a read and boy am I glad I did! You were always a good writer, Emma, with one of the best and most natural humour streaks on this site. Solid, honestly good humour is hard to come by and you write it so seamlessly, it's like second nature to you -jealous- xD. Back in the day, if I recall correctly, you excelled at general wackiness which was always a treat but it's nice to see a different side to your writing in this, which veers towards the well-known wry and dry British humour. It's a perfect fit for what you're trying to achieve with this fic and in particular with Albus's character who by the way makes an EXCELLENT hipster.
Aww Albus, what words are there when it comes to him? Can I say adorkable? Coz he kinda is. Or maybe awkwardorable? I felt his pain and general cringe with that barista, the poor dear. The way you've crafted his character and personality is masterful without being try-hard. I really like that he had all these other things going for him (career, style, feelings about his fame etc) where on his own he's already an established character and it's only later that a girl comes into play. At this point, she's kind of an enigma which is great.
Another aspect I felt you handled really well was the weaving of muggle technology into the magical world. I normally hate it when it's done only because it's written so sloppily and lazily. It was a nice touch that you included a little blurb about how some wizard bloke made the discovery that led to internet in the wizarding world, the effort really does make all the difference. Thank goodness you decided to make this post-hogwarts, it makes so much more sense than if they were still at hogwarts. We'd have had a Gossip Girl situation otherwise ;).
If I had one slight criticism, it's that the opening of the chapter was a bit... all over the place? I'm sure it's meant to be a sign of things to come and while it was witty and well-written, it seemed quite jarring compared to the rest of the chapter.
Regardless, I can't wait to see where you take this story. Albus has all the potential in the world and I'm excited to see more of Violet. I've been meaning to catch up with your stories for a while now and I'm glad I started with this one :D.
~Misty Report Review
Hello, Linds dearest!!
So what I really liked about this beginning was the cliches. You grabbed them by the throat and like putty in your hands, moulded them into believable occurences. The mix-up about the tutoring was an especially clever touch ;). The entire chapter had a really good flow to it, there weren't any jarring bits. You mentioned that you really worked hard on the dialogue and it shows, there's a large amount of improvement compared to your earlier work. The relationships were nicely established and well-defined. I'm still getting a feel for the characters but I like the immaturity you infused them all with. James and Annette had a great rapport going, it was believable and realistic. I won't say chemistry because it'd be too soon but I can definitely see tiny sparks between them. The end caught me off guard, which is great, a little unpredictability never hurt anyone. All in all, a wonderful beginning and I'm excited to see where it goes :).
Hugs and hot chocolate,
MistyAuthor's Response: MISTY!!!
Lo, lo, lo siento for being so late with a response. Christmas time came and it just rushed on by.
D'awww, thank you for your lovely and encouraging comments. I was hoping to jar those cliches and turn them into more realistic occurances. Contrary to the rom-com world, my most successful relationships have been friendships that turned into more. I hope the chemistry grows as you come around to read some more ;)/
I love you.
Hugs, hot cocoa, and Remus Lupin,
Lindsey Report Review
Linds!! So so SO sorry for my MIA! I read this chapter as soon as it got published but never got around to reviewing until now. I could blame the usual suspects (University) but I'll spare you the excuses and get right down to it.
THE TWIST!! Oh man, I did not see that coming about Charles. Sneaky, Linds, real sneaky. I mean, woah. Of all the things... It could have been that he's getting married or has a secret love child or something but no, you just had to give him an incurable disease. All I can say is... BRILLIANT! Wow wow wow. I think I literally gasped aloud when I came to the big reveal. I've never read it in any other fic so I applaud you for tackling such a controversial subject and am excited and anxious to see what else you do with it.
Not that that pales everything else in comparison. On the contrary, the other big reveal was also nicely executed, namely the big blowout between Lily and Bree. When you first told me about it, I honestly didn't quite understand why Lily would get so upset over it. Then something quite similar happened to me and then I got it. I do like the conflict between them and am quite curious to see how it affects the rest of the group in terms of friendship dynamics. Who will be loyal to who? What alliances will be formed? that kind of thing. I think it would be really interesting to explore that further.
I love the layers of complexity you're giving this story and the sense of realism and imperfections of life that you managed to capture. There's something very adult about it that makes it stand out. I eagerly await the next chapter, do update soon!
~MistyAuthor's Response: MISTY!
I can't yell at you because I'm slowly becoming more and more MIA due to two jobs, University, a love life (:D), and trying to get ahead for some potential study abroad within the next two semesters!! All very much exciting!
Anyway, my story...hahaha. I have not updated this bad boy in a while because I'm having issues translating some of the scenes that I need to include in the next chapter. I'm really glad you like the twist; Charles is going to be a BIG character for the next couple of chapters but that's all I can say ;). Its a complicated issue.
Lily and Bree is a dynamic that is based on real life unfortunately but it won't work out (or rather not work out at all) like it has in real life with some of my friends. It'll be a definitely interesting dynamic in how the girls interact; with so many things going on, it becomes a question of how important the group is as a whole versus individual friendships. I'm really excited about it. Thanks Mist. Love and miss you as always!
Linds Report Review
This was an absolutely brilliant one-shot! I haven't reviewed anything in awhile so pardon if my reviewing skills are rusty.
So anyway, I wasn't quite sure what to expect from this one-shot. The title and summary intriuged me while the banner is beautifully done, all of which compelled me to read. And once I read, I couldn't stop. Nowadays, I find it very hard to find clever one-shots with a creative plot idea that isn't romantically-inclined. So when I was preparing to read this, I was half-expecting a quirky romantic comedy. What a relief it was to find a lovely, believable portrayl of the Weasley kids interacting with each other in such a delightful setting (yes, I can't believe I called Bill's flat delightful either xD). I thought it was a wise choice to devote attention to the selected four Weasleys instead of dividing between all seven siblings, which would have disrupted the focus and flow of the story. What really did it for me though was Bill and Charlie's interaction, the smarmy british banter between them. I loved it!
"I don't see what you're so ashamed of, most of the family like Ni- OW!"
If you don't mind me asking, who was the 'Ni' that Bill was going to mention before Charlie hit him? I'm quite curious to know.
Absolutely smashing story, it was my pleasure to read and review it. :)
~Misty Report Review
Mucho apologies for the über-late reply. But I knew I had to rush over here once I saw the absolutely lovely review you left for me. =D
So I'm remembering back to when I first read this, my favourite part had to be the end, the big reveal about Cass and Charles. You sneaky girl, I like how little you actually revealed. It somehow made it all the more dramatic and perfectly fits why Cass is the way she is. I'd probably be the same if it had happened to me. Not depressed but totally bitter and super pissed off. It made me like her even more :).
Argh, Albus is so sweet he's giving me a toothache xD. To be honest, I'm a bit on the fence with your characterization of him. On one hand, he's so mushy and loving and whatnot, but on the other hand, it seems like he's rushing the relationship with Bree when it seems like she isn't really all that ready. Moving in together, telling Lily.. He strikes me as being the pushy type, in that he likes Bree so much, he wants to rush it as fast as possible. That may or may not be what you're going for, I'm not quite sure. Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing it. It's an interesting direction to take and I look forward to seeing how goes his relationship with Bree.
Ahh, you know my thoughts on Kaelyn/Nicholas ;). So sweet/cute! I hope it works out though I wouldn't complain if there were a few bumps on the road. Every relationships need them in order to get stronger. But aww, I wanted to give her a hug when she wondered out loud to Lily whether she wasn't sure she was happy or not. Reading the I.G.L.O.O acronym still makes me smile =).
I think this chapter nicely builds on the previous chapter's foundation by setting up some potential future storylines. Thanks for another shout-out, very blush-inducing. I shall get to the next chapter soon!
~MistyAuthor's Response: Misty!
AGH, well thank you Mist!! It was a lovely story to read. And I love to just leave you reviews. We always have such a good time talking through them.
I'm so glad that you like the subtle nature I reveal Cass. She in my mind is one of the most realistic characters I've ever written. I really like her and enjoy writing about her. She reaches for a vulnerability and expresses it in ways that I do as well.
Albus is meant to be in that honeymoon period of the relationship; he's so caught up in how good it can be that he fails to realize certain truths about the whole relationshp and how Bree feels about the entire thing. It is an interesting take I imagine.
I do love Kaelyn/Nicholas and I know that you will continue to enjoy them because I know I'm enjoying writing about it.
I LOVE YOU MISTY!! Very, very much.
Lindsey Report Review
Woah, that was... incredibly powerful.
You're right, depiction of mental illness like this is very sensitive and very hard to write without going over-the-top unrealistic. But the writing style you employed here, the repetition of certain words and phrases, was very well executed and gave it a certain edge. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. I was completely drawn in. The first major part of the story, when Fred is full-blown worked-up, it sent chills down my spine but at the same time, I really sympathized with him and his awful situation.
I actually thought it was a smart move to not go into too much detail of how Fred's condition came to be or what triggered it. It leaves more room for speculation and gives it a little aura of mystery, though the little tidbits regarding poisoning and such were good flourishes. I also really liked the little mind games, how it was a bit confusing at first when Fred was talking about the betrayal, then the threads of the story slowly come together to form a complete picture of the background of the story. It was an interesting twist to the 'best friend in love' situation and just made everything all the more heartbreaking.
For some reason, when you revealed the girl's name at the end, I got a bit frightened, it sounded so ominous even though everything was so optimistic before.
Brilliant job on this, a profoundly disturbing but throughly entralling one-shot. You should definitely be proud of this ;). 10/10.
~MistyAuthor's Response: Aw, wow, I loved this review so much (: It really did brighten up my whole day and it was all really guhs-worthy and ego-filling even though it's supposed to be deflating (':
I think I really liked this because it was different for me and I had a lot of fun writing it as well, I felt like I could connect in some way even though I've never been in Fred's position. I did a lot - and I mean, a lot - of research as well to make it believable and to keep it to a sort of sound level. I'm glad that you thought that I did it well because it was a whole new experience and I tried really, really hard with it too :)
He really does have a very tough situation in his hands with his illness and with the people around him as well. Having to deal with both at the same time when his illness is at its very peak really is trying. I think, in a way, this is relatable because everyone goes through that even if it's not as extreme or not the same situation. Still the same raw emotions.
In my mind I know what the illness is, but I didn't actually think it necessary to put in. For me, it didn't seem important. That and I couldn't picture Fred wanting to go into specifics about it anyway.
I'm glad you did! I tried to make it so that Fred wasn't telling the story, but rather this was his thoughts and his mind and how, sort of, twisted its become because of all the events that have taken place.
I agree, I actually didn't have a name - I was purely in Fred's perspective and always was careful to say 'her' or 'she'. Always veering off from that bit.
Nemesis was, in my opinion, a brilliant name because the original word meant 'distributor of fortune' which meant neither good or bad and that sort of fit in with her character. But the more common meaning would be an enemy - which she most definitely was for the better part of a year in Fred's life. Not so much now, but she still betrayed him and he still feels that even though he wants the best for her.
Anyway - I think I'm going too much into this now (':
I absolutely adored this review and I'm so glad that you liked it as well!
Thank you so, so, so much :D xxx Report Review
HOW DID I NOT FIND THIS SOONER?! OMIGOSH LINDS, I'M ABSOLUTELY AWESTRUCK!
Hehehe, I wasn't going to make this entire review into capslock, it doesn't look too pretty. Before anything, I apologize profusely for not reading this sooner. I've just started a week-long holiday so here's your overdue review.
Just when I thought I've seen your best, you go and prove me wrong by putting this out. I was definitely intrigued, I can't recall ever having read an Augusta Longbottom-centric fic and now that I have, I'll forever hold this as the standard to any other similar fics. With 'Pusillanimous' being the first word of the story, I had to look it up. When I found the meaning, I was even more intrigued with how you were going to portray Augusta in such a way since the Mrs. Longbottom we all know from canon is a seriously scary but butt-kicking grandmother. But I was entralled from start to finish, you hooked me in and wouldn't let go.
The plotline was flawless, Linds. It was incredibly well-developed, well-paced, well-thought out and seriously creative. Gus and Lee sound like quite the formidable duo. The first two paragraphs where you start outlining their personalities and behaviour in society made them out to be like the retro Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie of their day :p, society wild-childs. It was a really creative touch that you made them become sort of drifters, struggling to make money to further fund their partying. I found that incredibly refreshing and just a joy to read. In fact, I loved all the details (the Scarlet A's xD) of the story-line, it shows a lot of imagination on your part.
Then there was the climax. Woah, didn't see that one coming. Why didn't Augusta save Asley? There are many ways to interpret it although it seems meant to highlight Augusta's cowardice. Then again, it would explain why Augusta has such a hard-shell and shows such tough love to Neville, her fear of seeing shades of herself in him. Very interesting and definitely food for thought.
As for character development, you did an excellent job. I didn't think it was possible for someone to overshadow Augusta so easily but Asley is quite the spitfire. I love how you made her so full of fire and tenacity but at the same time, incredibly manipulative and controlling of Augusta. She's very realistic, she reminds me of a few people I know personally. Actually, I thought the twist would be that she was secretly in love with Augusta, the signs seemed to point to it. Then again, it might have been that she was just purely possessive.
Outstanding job on this, Linds. There were a few minor errors, missing words and such but nothing a read-through can't fixing and certainly nothing to deter from the story. 10/10!
Hope you get better soon,
~MistyAuthor's Response: MISTY!
Oh hey girl, sorry for the ridiculously late reply on this story. I've been busy with RL and writing because I'm trying to get Button Up all written so I can just post and go.
I love CAPSLOCK. It's so great. And I'm so glad you were intrigued. Oh Augusta and I go way back haha. I've been trying to do one on her FOR AGES because she is SUCH a neglected minor character. I love her to pieces and really just wanted to humanize her. A coward, cowardly, I saw this word in a book I was reading and the plot just exploded in my mind. And I had to do it. And it was perfect for the banner challenge I thought.
Gus and Lee were just fun to write about. I was hoping they would come across as believable simply because I know that making someone so rebellious can come across as cliche. And they totally had to support their partying habits. I really liked the concept of all of it really because it just reminded me of a good historical novel.
I'm so glad that you found it well developed because I was worried about the tone and how I wrote it all. I personally found it a little dry and un-poetic haha. And there's the ambiguity. There always has to be some with me these days. I like uncertain elements to a story; I think it makes it more human.
Asley was just a lot of things. She is actually based off of another character I've written half a book for but I'm blocked beyond belief on what to do with her. And I don't know if she is in love as much as possessive.
I found those phrases and thanks so much for bringing those to my attention. I'm definitely on my way to getting bettter.
Linds Report Review
I liked how the beginning was misleading but at the same time, you used it to showcase Ted's personality. The way you portrayed him was really cute, how flirtatious and witty he was. It was nice that he wasn't afraid to flaunt the secret relationship in front of Narcissa and his teammates. It was a nice curveball and definitely unexpected. The way Andromeda just walked out the house, without drama or woohaha was an interesting touch but it does give her character a bit of spontaneitity that you wouldn't think Blacks would have, save for Sirius. I definitely saw shades of Nymphadora Tonks in both her parents here. Overall, I think you did a really good job though perhaps I personally would have liked a bit more meat in terms of story plot and more from Andromeda but that's just me nitpicking. =)
~MistyAuthor's Response: Thank you. :) I actually think that Andromeda would have been considering it for a while, so while her timing was spontanious, it wasn't just a whim of a choice. Considering what her family is like - I can't imagine dinners are pleasant.
Thank you for that, I was kinda using Tonks a base for shaping Andromeda and mostly Ted, since we only saw them so briefly in the books.
Only so much a one shot can do. :/ I really wanted to focus more on the Ted aspect of things, but if I ever expand, I'll remember that. :) --Jenna Report Review
Lindsey, I'm officially jealous. I'd give anything to write this type of prose, that beautiful, flowly, poetic prose that you achieved so seamlessly here. It was all so... PRETTY.
It's just incredible to me that you crafted a plot out of one picture and it fits so well with it. It was a tale of love, longing, memories and sentemantality, which is what a box of keepsakes usually signifies.
And amongst all these lovely words that you strung together to create beautiful imagery, I loved that you showed glimpses of the girl's personality through her magpie tendencies of collecting things that hold sentemental value to her. The part where it said they had some jealousy issues was interesting and the way you justified them was quite poignant. There was a definite bohemion vibe to it although you alluded to the boy being a corporate jetsetter. The end seems to hint that she left him but I could be wrong but whatever it is, I love that you shrouded the plot in ambiguity, making the readers think long and hard about what exactly is going on.
Really Linds, this was wonderful to read and you better incorporate that picture into the graphics you request from TDA, it's so beautiful, almost as much as your story. But argh, I tried to youtube the song you mentioned but couldn't find it :(.
Oh oh! I almost forgot about the pairing. If I were to guess, I'd say Teddy/Victoire. Please confirm! xD
(My 400th review!) ^_^
~MistyAuthor's Response: MISTY!!
Aww wow thanks. It is pretty, isn't it? It came out very poetic. And I really blame the picture and the song. They fit together SO well.
Yeah, well, it is definitely told through the male's perspective and it was a rather twisted relationship. He is possessive of her even if he doesn't realize it. And she is enraptured and terrified of him. He wants them to only exist in one little world. And she is pulled a few different directions.
The ambiguity is meant to be there; this moment is a moment where they are caught in a world where there is only the two of them and he finds incredibly romantic; he worships her and wants to keep her to himself. But she is eventually brought back to real reality.
Google the song; I bet you could find it then. You are right about the pairing! Way to go!!
YAY 400th reivew :)
~Linds Report Review
In honour of your characters, I thought I'd greet you five times (sorry, that made more sense in my head). Anyway, I should probably start by mentioning that when I started reading this story, I didn't realize it was a Next-Gen (see a pattern? -_-'). I thought at first the Lily was Evans but yeah, I managed to suss it out once I got to Lily II's section hehe.
The major thing I like about this was that I enjoyed that this was about working girls rather than desperate girls gabbing about their love lives ala 'Sex and the City'. The vibe was there but it didn't come across as fake or annoyingly over-the-top. The glimpses into their daily work-lives were a nice touch, one I look forward to seeing more of.
I can't lie, the introductions were quite overwhelming. I know you meant to introduce them as individuals early on but it was alot to take in for a first chapter. It was only towards the end at the aftermath of the book club meeting that I got a better grasp and understanding of their personalities. My personal favourite was probably Cassie though I emphasize most with Kaelyn. I quite enjoyed Amelia's plotline of being in a stale relationship and eyeing a dangerous badboy and was intruiged by Cassie's grudge. Bree's secret relationship with Albus was quite the twist that I'm looking forward to its implications. One small nitpick I have though is that you keep switching between addressing Amelia as Amelia and Mia. I didn't have any problems differentiating but it is a bit jarring and could disrupted the flow. A suggestion would be to alternate the name in dialogue (depending on the person) but stick to one name in the normal text. It's still too early for me to comment too much on characterization but so far, you've got a good foundation for all of them. I was trying to match each character to the ones on the banner and here's what I managed to deduce. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong:
Control Freak: Amelia
Secret Keeper: Bree
Tough Cookie: Cassie
The biggest critique I could give you is dialogue. Most of it was good but there were certain parts that came across as forced and stilted and wasn't as naturally phrased as it should've been. But it's nothing more proofreading or a beta can't fixed :).
You mentioned in your PM that you were having problems and getting stuck for the second chapter. Care to elaborate? Either here or shoot me a pm at the forums and I'll be more than happy to help in anyway I can :). Hope you found this review somewhat helpful, sorry for taking so long!
Much hugs and love,
~MistyAuthor's Response: MISTY!
-glomps- Oh, I loved the five characters in honor of the five girls. Brilliant job :).
Oh and it is next-gen! Haha. Maybe I should work on my summary; I've been meaning to anyway. And I'll try to see if I can make it clearer :).
Sex and the City is not what I'm going for, at all. It is supposed to be more of five girls with real sisterhood and real lives with real issues without getting too soap opera-y. I'm hoping for the best. -fingers crossed-
I know that all of it is overwhelming but I tried to soften it a bit with the whole Pine scene. Took the suggestion about Amelia and am glad to see you like some of the characters. Yes, yes Cassie is quite the spit fire; she's definitely flawed but she is fun to write. Kaelyn definitely speaks of the self sacrificing person; some of her issues are self imposed unwilingly though. I'm not going to lie, Al/Bree are adorable. It's a twist I love.
You got all the characters right ;). And thanks for the suggestion, love. You've been credited and I'm so thankful for your help.
All my love,
Lindsey Report Review
You're right, it does go deeper than that.
Sorry, how rude of me to not greet you first. I was just so into the story. Anyway, hello hello Lindsey love! I think this may be the first time I'm the first reviewer of one of your stories, correct me if I'm wrong (go me and bad me for not doing it sooner). But oh, what a story it was.
I wasn't sure what to expect. I saw the title, summary and your penname and that was enough for me. I dove in headfirst and very much like Corvus, I was submerged in this magnificent story of yours.
It was an interesting and bold choice to explore the character of one of Voldemort's earliest followers, whom we know nothing about except his last name. From there, you gave him such incredible depth and made him so real, I'd have no trouble believing he was a solid character from the HP series, personally written by JKR herself. But at the same time, I particularly liked that you didn't put him entirely in the clear. Yes, he did have clear, concise reasons for doing what he did but they were reasons that, I think, most of the Death Eaters followed Voldemort. A hunger for power, dominance and control, things he didn't get within his own family. He wasn't crazy or evil (that honour belongs to Bellatrix and maybe even the Carrow siblings), which would have been an easier but far less satisfying excuse. It was also great touch having him be the one to provide funds to the cause, there's something very unique about it that I think most would not have thought of. That's another reason I loved this: the amount of detail and care you put into this was astounding, that's where the depth comes from. There's one thing though that confuses me. Why has he only been institutionalized for five years? What was he doing before that? Oh, and another thing. The red-haired woman. I'm trying to figure out who that is but drew a blank. Enlighten me please, Linds? I know they're both rather minor points but I'd love to hear your explanation.
Harry and Ron were very much in-character as well. Harry the eternally patient and empathic leader while Ron's tactless and impatient. At the beginning, when he said "Oi" to the nurse, I thought it was Harry for a moment and thought 'wait, Harry would never say that'. Then it was revealed Ron's there as well and then it all clicked. You defined both their characters really well, I had no trouble distinguishing which line of dialogue belonged to which of them. Also, very interesting that Corvus distinguished Harry by his crow-feathered hair rather than his emerald eyes. I can't recall anyone else ever having used that type of description for Harry before so yay for being ahead of the curve!
I can't leave without mentioning the crow. Fantastic use of symbolism there, Linds. Symbolism is one of my favourite plot devices so I'm happy it featured so prominently here. At the first mention of the crows, I was thinking of a murder of crows and thought that was meant as a nod to the Death Eaters. But as I read further, especially at the end, I thought that there had to be more to it than that. So, like the nerd that I am, I googled crow symbolism and found what it meant, which took this story to a whole new level. It fitted in perfectly with everything that happened here, especially in Corvus refering to Harry as the crow. Very apt, since Harry is the 'Master of Death' after all ;).
Stunning, stunning story, Lindsey. My favourite by you yet. An easy 10/10.
~MistyAuthor's Response: BAH!!! Misty, I am pretty sure I could heat the sun right now because my. Face. Is. SO. RED.!
And its so fine of you to just be so into the story that you don't greet me. Phew, please, I love it that you were so into the story!!
Well this was actually a challenge entry and I got Avery Snr in the "Sympathy for the Devil" challenge prompted by MajiKat (the every lovely Kate). And truthfully, I was really nervous about getting a character with so little history.
But since he was a character with so little history other then the fact he was one of the earliest followers of Voldemort, I had some major decisions to make. I envision that the first followers would either had been a) stupid admirers b) power hungry c) curious or d) picked by Tom himself. The first and third wouldn't work for me; a curious man would not have survived and stayed so long. And an admirer would have most likely been killed off. So I took a combo of the last two. I decided that Riddle was not known for his fortune and money would be a necessary ally. So, the Averys, would be a family of fortune akin much to Malfoys in this scearnio in my mind. But he would also be lustful for so sort of power because in the Pureblood world, they are cornered into what the families expect.
All that being said, I'll answer your minor questions. The red hair woman is actually supposed to be a hint toward the Weasleys. Its supposed to signify that he knew the Weasley at another time, maybe when they were still prominent in the Pureblood society. And he knew the familiar redhair of Ron and a redhair woman (aka a previous Weasley wife). Its a stretch to make; it could also be a nurse on the hall where he worked. He, at one point, was in hiding from the Ministry and stuff after the round-up of the Death Eaters. At this point, Harry and Ron are mid-twenties so its been a while since the Battle. Corvus was found, crazy and losing his mind. So instead of putting him in Azakaban, he was sentenced to a facility to handle crazy wizards. Its an institution started by the Ministry post-war because Azakaban would be cruel for someone so mentally unstable. At least that's how it goes in my mind ^_^
Yes, yes, well I thought I could get the dialogue to speak for Ron and Harry. They are very disctinct especially in Auror styles (in my mind) so their parts were not hard to write. JKR does pretty straightforward outlining for these characters.
The crow hair. -shakes head- I've been trying to use this description for years now. I just didn't have a story to put it in, and I finally found one. And the symbol of the crow really helped ^^
Yes, the Master of Death; he is also a symbol of freedom, of flight in Corvus' mind. Some part of Corvus recongizes who Harry is and what he did. So the crow was a major part; Corvus is also the name of the crow constellation. That's actually how this whole thing started--me trying to pick a first name for Avery. And it developed from there.
These are some MAJOR compliments coming from you, Mist. I much appericiate all the feedback. This story holds an unusually warm and close place in my heart because I think this is my true calling of prose and such. Dark but not totally dark and heck, there was even room for Harry-Ron exchange near the end.
Your hugs rival Molly Weasley's hugs!!
~Linds Report Review
Lindsey, are you sure you aren't Christopher Nolan in disguise or something? Because, wow, I'm blown away by your prose here and how creatively you arranged this.
I didn't get this at all the first time I read this. I didn't know who was talking or what was happening. I was literally just staring at the screen thinking 'What the heck just happened?' but at the same time thinking 'Wow!'. Which was why I had to read this several times to get this and even then, I'm not sure I'm right. My theory is that Harry is narrating over the events which are taking place in brackets. Once I considered this, I read this again and it played like a movie in my mind, with Harry's voice in the background as the scenes played out. Am I right? :p
But oh gosh, Linds, it was all beautiful. The way you weaved words together, the brilliant imagery said words produced, it was all gorgeous, like poetry that played itself as a movie in my mind. (Did that make sense? Hopefully it did) It's amazing that you took a single word (correr) and managed to craft an entire story around it and so creatively as well. The plot and pacing was very well-done, how you managed to condense so much plot in so little words. I liked the little insights into Hermione's character through Harry's narration, they really spoke volumes in so little words. The beginning was especially lovely, I liked how it showed the progress of their relationship and how it was slowly disintergrating and how much the war had changed them.
Do I even have to say it? Wonderful job as always, Lindsey love.
P.S: I think yours is one of the few Harry/Hermione fics I'm willing to read ;). Ron/Hermione FTW!
*major huggles attack!*
~MistyAuthor's Response: Erm Christopher Nolan's mind is a scary place. At least for me o_O
But thanks for all the compliments. They made me smile, Misty. So you are sorta right and sorta not right; there are actually two voices in this-- Hermione and Harry. The voice starts with Hermione and then her actions are in (). Then it switches to Harry and it goes back and forth.
-BLUSHES- I know; this was one of the hardest things that I've written in a long time. It took some major brain dumping and I felt very exhausted afterwards. Thanks for the poetry in motion comment; made me majorly blush.
Linds Report Review
AAAH, I think I'm going to combust from all the cuteness of Ron! He's so affectionate, it made me really envy Hermione for a moment, hehehe. It is definitely an interesting take on Ron, not something you'd expect from the books, another layer to the character we all know and love. But it is a great example of how he's matured and ready to be a husband and father. And it makes perfect sense since I imagine he'd only be this way with Hermione, his soulmate. I mean, he's never really been my type (I'm a Remus girl all the way :p) but this just might change my mind. The way he knew just how to counter every one of Hermione's doubts, I love it and how it subtly alluded to his skill in chess. He has to be an excellent strategist to be able to be so good at chess and then to apply it to real-life and especially against Hermione (I always wondered why JKR made Hermione bad at chess but I digress). Then how considerate he is about hiding away his chess set because Hermione doesn't like it (probably coz it reminds her that she's bad at it xD). Really, your characterisation of Ron is brilliant and how you sprinkle in all these little details about him that only enhance his character really shows how much care you've taken in developing his character as an adult.
Gosh, I've rambled so much about Ron. Can't forget about Hermione though. I like what you did with her character as well, walking around their flat and dictating what goes where. Again, an excellent portrayl of her as an adult (coz somethings never change, including her as miss bossypants xD). Somehow, I loved how she was thinking in rather narrow terms of how to improve their living situation and the contrast of Ron bringing up an alternative, a somewhat extravagant one at that. It is very canon but well-developed enough to apply to the two characters as adults. Also, can't forget the eternal love between Hermione and her books :P. It was smart of you to downplay it, although it still did present itself as an issue in the 'arguement'. That's another thing, I loved that this was a different sort of arguement for them to have and not an all out bickering. It was unique and not over-the-top and had a mature(and romantic) conclusion, which was refreshing.
(Bad pun, I know ^_^)
Anywho, with all that awesomeness going on, the thing that struck me the most was your writing. Not that it wasn't great before (it totally was) but I love how you've grown and matured and developed as a writer and this fic really reflected that fact. It was the fluffiest of fluff and a joy to read. Fantastic job, Linds. An easy 10/10!
MistyAuthor's Response: MISTY!
I can't believe you found this little one-shot. Ron is always cute in my head; he has his 'duh' moments and the times I want to slap him on the head but really, in my mind, I'm his soulmate so he is always sweet to me ^_^
I like to hope that he has matured. Ronnie has had plenty of time. (And I'm totally a Remus girl--especially for your Remus ;])
This is my main anger point with JKR--she makes SUCH a big deal out of Ron's chess ability in the first book and never developed it. So I wanted to do it; he is a master with fighting with Hermione too. They've been doing it half their lives :P
Oh Hermione, the loveable, bossy book-worm. She does love her books and in narrow terms. And I didn't want them to have a major bicker; I've done enough of those one-shots. This was really meant to be a mature fight.
Hahah I LOVE your bad pun though :)
Aw, thanks, Misty. It was actually an easy write because it just kind came in my head. It was a one sitting write plus a couple of editing drafts.
Lindsey Report Review
It was definitely an unusual comedy but an entirely enjoyable one :D. Maybe it's just me but it's quite rare to see Dumbledore in a humorous light eventhough he comes off as very whimsical in the books. He really shone here, almost literally a kid in a candy store. Yet he never ventured into OOC, he really stayed true to his character. Poor Verity, not only stuck working late into the night but also being starstruck by and then worrying about the 'dangers' the jokes in the joke shop could befall on one of the greatest wizards ever. The image of her chasing after Dumbledore around Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes is definitely hilarious! But really, Dumbledore was so cute! (Never thought I'd write that sentence, hehe). Very unique, great job!
~MistyAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked my story, it really means a lot me :)
It was so fun to write about Dumbledore, he's such a loveable character :)
thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
I'm stunned, absolutely stunned.
WHY DOESN'T THIS HAVE MORE REVIEWS?!
Sorry, the question needed capitals for sheer urgency ^_^. This was honestly one of the best Sirius/OC I've ever read. That fact that so much plot and characterisation was condensed into a relatively short one-shot amazes me to no end. This is a side of the Marauders era most (including myself) forget about. That, as fun-loving as they were, the Marauders were living in a time of war and turmoil. You restrained yourself from making it too melodramatic and stuck to making it more matter-of-fact, which did wonders for flow and believeability. Dialogue was realistic as well as dynamic, every line had believeable emotion behind it and I could imagine them saying those lines. Imagery was astounding, you did so much with so little words. Some of my favourites were:
they are velvet midnight to her clear blue sky.
Her paradise is his purgatory.
These are just description but they really packed a sizeable punch. I didn't include dialogue because there were too many to choose from but believe me, they were brilliantly written. Characterization-wise, I thought you captured Sirius perfectly. This is as canon as I've ever seen him. He's brave, noble, reckless, passionate, somewhat tactless, insensitive and rather self-centred and selfish. Somehow, I got a sense of how the boys during World War II must have felt like and how their woman feared for them and for themselves. Coming to Emma, she came across as a very well-developed OC, especially considering that she's paired with Sirius. Her views contrasts so severely with Sirius that I can't help but feel their relationship can't have a happy ending. Her personality, while it does contains strong strains of Hufflepuffness, doesn't totally dominate it. You took the typical Hufflepuff traits and developed it further into a person who fears the danger war brings and values security and self-preservation over the greater good. Yes, she is being a bit cowardly and selfish but enough so that the reader understands and empathises with her plight. I loved that the romance was almost secondary to more important issues (the war and the future). It reflects a strong maturity in your writing.
If I were to critique one thing, it would probably be the ending. It was a bit abrupt but maybe you were going for that ambiguity, forcing the reader to make up their own ending? I dunno, it disrupted the flow a bit and feels like a string dangling in the air in a not good way. Maybe a smoother transitional ending would work better?
Other than that, it was amazing. An easy 10/10. :)
~MistyAuthor's Response: Wow, THANK YOU! (that also needed capitals for emphasis xD) Honestly, what a review! Thanks :)
I have rather a fondness for angsty war-focused Marauder stories but, as you said, there aren't too many of them around (mainly because writing about fun!Marauders is rather more enjoyable than depressed!Marauders, but whatever). So I thought I'd have a go at one.
I'm glad you like those lines, I have to admit I rather do too x) I'm also very relieved to hear the characterisation of both of them was good. Sirius is SO hard to do - I've never really written him before, and Sirius in fanfiction can often be very different to how he is in canon, so I was afraid of him going wildly OOC. I also found Emma really difficult as I don't regularly write OCs, and so that was rather worrying as the challenge I wrote this for was all about characterisation xD
Oh don't worry, I absolutely agree about the ending. This was one of those stories that just sort of comes from nowhere, and I managed to write the whole thing pretty much in one go and then realised I would have to end it somehow, and I hadn't a clue about how to do it. I probably was going for some kind of ambiguity, I'm not sure, but I do know that it's needs sorting so I'll definitely take what you've said on board :)
Again, thanks so much! This is one of those lovely reviews that just really gets me smiling :D I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
This was adorable! Not just adorable but adorably canon! The little back-and-forths between Ron/Harry and Hermione/Ginny were really funny and well-written, all their personalities really shone through in such a small space of text. I'm always a little more particular when it comes to the portrayl of the primary HP characters but I thought you did a great job. The fluffiness, humor and romance were all very well thought out and well-written. I'd have no trouble believing this could have been canon. Fantastic job, I really enjoyed this :).Author's Response: Oh my gosh really? Thank you so much for such a wonderful review! I think you just made my day!
I got really nervous about writing the main HP characters for the same reason. I wanted to make sure I did them justice, and I am glad you think I did!
:)BaletGir Report Review
The imagery was gorgeous. You have a way with words that makes ordinary description and thoughts blossom into something more than it really is. The ambiguity is especially intriguing. Just enough information is given to give the reader a sense and picture of what's going on but murky enough to force the reader to make their own conclusion. There weren't any glaring grammar mistakes, none that I could spot anyway. And written at 3am? Gotta give you props for the result. Great job!Author's Response: @_@ thank you so much! 3am is my time to write. it's weird. and i wonder why it's always that particular time. but hey, it is! thanks for looking it over for grammar! sometimes, that stuff really escapes me and i'm left staring at my computer like -_-;
personally, i love this one-shot, so it means a lot that you do, too :) ♥ thanks! Report Review
Lindsey dear! Sorry for taking so long to replace the review I left before the site crash which was ages ago *feels ashamed*. Anyway, it's always a pleasure to read anything by you, especially revisiting what I personally feel is one of your most underrated one-shots.
I love that you've approached Lily/James from a completely unique perspective, exploring their relationship after they get together. I can't recall ever having seen one like this so kudos for sheer uniqueness. It baffles me that such an idea hasn't occured to more writers, not that I can blame them. The premise presented in the HP books is relatively simple enough: boy meets girl, boy loves girl, girl hates boy, boy and girl fight, boy and girl fall in love, marry and seemingly live happily ever after (for awhile at least). Most authors would have just expanded a little from the canon in the books, which is why I have to applaud you for looking beyond the fairy-tale romance appeal and showing that Lily and James, although a classic love story in itself, are just like any other couple that has highs and lows in the relationship. The first part of the fic perfectly illustrates just that. They're hot and heavy then a fight breaks out. With both their strong personalities put together, such tension is inevitable. You illustrated their volatile relationship perfectly.
As for characterisation, you did an excellent job on everyone, not just the main two. Dumbledore's sermon on love was especially well-written, it seems like something he would say in the books, what with his obvious reverance for love. Sirius's concern was also spot-on, it was definetly something he'd do for James. Speaking of which, I literally laughed out loud when James was counting down all of Lily's flaws the way he did, it was hilariously brilliant! It also broke the cliche that James worships her like a goddess and loves her 'perfection'. Nice to see that James isn't completely blinded by love. Lily's neuroticism was a nice touch, the schedualing of their couple time especially. It reminded me a bit of Rachel Berry in Glee when she did the exact same thing to Finn, hehehe. Way to go for being ahead of your time ;). Lily and James came off as wonderfully 3-dimensional characters with depth and personality.
If I had to critique, I'd advise to split the really long paragraphs into shorter paragraphs, which make for much easier and pleasant reading. But other than that, it was a brilliant fic about how love doesn't come easy and that you need to work on it to keep it going. Fantastic job! 10/10
~MistyAuthor's Response: MISTY!
*tackle hugs* Bah -enter blush here-...I don't know about how good this one-shot is. Its brings me back to a time where I was a) much younger and b) in a way different point in my life.
I'm glad that you like it though, and honestly, at this point, I got obnoxiously tired of only reading one-shots about how James/Liy get a) together b) get engaged/married or c) die. I mean, really, there had to be a whole relationship there. And I'm glad you liked them; volatile is the exact word.
Oh, Dumbleydore is, like, the philosphical voice in my head post reading HP...I blame Jo. I'm glad to hear that they came caross effectively; OH, I LOVE GLEE! It makes me so incredibly happy to hear you make that reference.
I will definitely go back and do some of that editing. Thanks, Mist; I miss you!!
Linds Report Review
I thought this was heart-breakingly beautiful. This was one of my favourite scenes in DH and I felt you did this scene justice writing it from Snape's PoV. It was simplistic in a way, which made sense because he was after all dying but all the emotions were there: pain, regret, love... You captured them all prefectly. The beginning just grabbed me and from there, I was caught up in your writing. If I were to have one tiny criticism, it would be that it read a little too closely/similarly to DH, that he was referring to the scenes in his memories that he gives to Harry. But that's just me nitpicking, I still really liked it. Great job!
~MistyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. I'd always thought about how Snape would have felt during that scene, I felt it revealed so much of his character. And yes, it did, mostly because I wasn't really making my own story, just writing it from a different PoV. Thanks again! :) Report Review
Hmm, weird, I'm 88% sure that I left a review for this. But the empty review box with my name on it doesn't lie so here I am to rectify that error. :p
First off, I think you captured Percy perfectly, especially in the first part of his story, about choosing a career over a love life, so Percy :p. Percy as a character has always struck me as quite being tricky to write, since he comes off as a terrible person in the books (except end of DH). It would have been easy to fall into the trap of making him either unbearably unlikable, likeably out of character or a parody. Here, you show some restrain, focusing more on his remorse and self-improvement.
I also enjoyed the depth you gave Audrey, she's a type of female OC we don't see enough around HPFF. While she does have a romantic streak in her, she's also realistic, mature and down-to-earth. In such a short span of words, half a one shot, you gave her a fully evolved personality that I enjoyed reading. Her interaction with her mother also had an interesting dynamic to it, one I can't quite put my finger on. It's as though there are unresolved issues and tension between them that you conveyed beautifully into words.
The small glimpse into the reformation of the Ministry was a great touch, one I wish could be further explored. But I realize the one-shot contraints ;). The epilogue was lovely. Sappy and romantic yes but oh, who cares. It was great the way you linked it together with both their concerns about love earlier on and have those concerns squashed by each other hehehe. I know the story title is from a song and one tree hill episode title but it fits perfectly with the style of how you wrote this: I (Percy) and Love (epilogue) and You (Audrey). The story's wonderful and so are you! Forgive me for taking so long to review! *hugs*
~MistyAuthor's Response: aw, misty! your reviews always me so incredibly happy and humbled. i'm so sorry for this late reply; and i'm sorry for this lame attempt at one as well, but i am quite speechless *hugs* ^_^ Report Review
I have to give credit where credit is due. This is one of the funnier little one-shots I've read in awhile :). Heck, I was chuckling reading just the summary so yeah, you did a great job there. I think, between the two, Rose was hilariously funnier than Scorpius but seeing as she's drunk, that does give her a slight advantage ;). I did like the little detail of them already being a couple while this is happening, rather than making it a contrived oppurtunity for them to get together. The little things do count xD.
Answer to author's question: Seventh year, I think? It just struck me that overdrinking would be a way for Rose to deal with NEWTs stress. That's my little theory anyway, heheh.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm sure my best friend would love to hear that you thought Rose was funnier, as she was the one that wrote her. :) And, yeah, being drunk does make you seem funnier, doesn't? It's the same way with being tired, I think. :) Yeah, I don't really think Rose would really like getting together with one of her friends while she was drunk, as she wouldn't really have known what she was doing.
I think seventh year is a great guess. That's what I think as well. You see, we never really talked about what year, though, come to think of it, that would have been a good thing to talk about. :) Report Review
Alright, this isn't a word I throw around often so brace yourself xD.
Everything about it was. Plot-wise, I like that you in a way made fun of the so-called 'dating rules'. It's relevant, something practically all girls go through. The way you handled it was really realistic and believeable, with a touch of hilarity ;D in that Lily seeked advice from two opposite ends of the dating spectrum (Nina and Remus). Funny enough, I had a similar dilemma, although it was about whether to kiss this guy I was seeing, even when we weren't 'official'. I ended up not and he subsequently dumped me (git).
Anyway, I was able to emphasize with Lily, her naivety and neuroticness. I saw alot of myself in her. I find alot of writers tend to idealise Lily too much, making her this over the top, unattainable gorgeous goddess so your take on her was incredibly refreshing, that she came across as a normal, typical girl. It was also great to see that you didn't neglect the supporting characters. Nina Todd and Remus simply shone. Her accent especially was out of this world xD in the very best way. Remus, bless his heart, was adorably clueless and awkward, love him. He was such a boy about it. James... I'm on the fence about him. Very few boys would have reacted the way he did but those few boys who would, are definitely keepers :p.
The dialogue was spot-on. It flowed really well and was so natural. And groovy? Oh, I've been waiting for that to appear in a Marauders fic, soo 70's hahaha! And the context it was used in, made it even better.
In short (unlike this review), I loved it, seriously one of the best humorous marauders fics I've ever read. An easy 10/10. On another note, is it creepy/weird that I find your personal love story (in your author's note) really lovely/touching? I'm a sap for RL romance :p. Life and love really does work in mysterious ways.
~MistyAuthor's Response: Haha :D I really REALLY like long reviews! They always make me smile ^_^ I'm so so so so happy you bothered to review, especially when it was all just good :D I'm happy to hear that people can relate to my characters - well, Lily isn't my character, but the way I made her in this story, anyway xD I always like stories that are really "real", so to speak. Not much of a fantasy-world-fan, even if many many stories of mine tend to turn out like that. As for James... well, let's just say that he is the only fantasy-world-thingy in this story - very few guys would react like he did, and I had an argument with myself about it, whether I should make his respons normal and funny, or over the top lovey-dovey. I chose the second one xD Also, oddly enough, loads of people tell me my personal love life is very romantic - actually, it's not. It just sounds like it afterwards, but it's more like... good luck and good timing xD Report Review
That was stunningly written :). I'll admit, I was sure I had the plot figured out, in that he falls in love, paints her, the end. The twist really blew me away, I didn't see it coming at all. It was very gothic-horror inspired and thus, incredibly unique. You did an amazing job capturing the male narrator's artistic soul in the first half of the story and in a way, it gives the reader a chance to understand why he did what he did. He wanted to keep her all to himself, and that she would never change/age and be his forever.
I was slightly confused though. So the spell he muttered trapped her soul in the painting and that's why she ended up dead?
Overall, it was an outstanding one-shot. 10/10!
~MistyAuthor's Response: Aw thankyou for such an amazing review! :D I'm really glad you liked it, this is one of my favourite pieces I've written!
The spell that he muttered is a spell which binds the victim, so he bound her up before he killed her - I was hoping that it would be like a way to describe what he did, but without explaining the graphic part (:
Thanks again! Report Review
Aaaw, I really liked how innocent and simple the date was. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think you mentioned how old they were so I was a bit confused by that. However, judging by Scorpius's naivety, my best guess is 14 or 15. Even so, I think you pulled it off. The date wasn't too over the top and fit well with their apparent immaturity, especially Scorpius' little 'accident' hahaha! Unable to move his hand... Riiight. It was believeable, I'll give you that ;). The ending especially was super-cute.Author's Response: lol. Thank you. You are correct. I did not state how old they were. I wanted to leave that up to the reader. They could be fourteen or fifteen and have immaturity, or even sixteen or seventeen and having bad luck. I truly wanted to let the reader's imagination take that one little detail and make it their own. Report Review
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