Reading Reviews From Member: ladyemma
  
185 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ladyemmaHarry Potter is Dead!: Prologue: The Murder Game

16th February 2008:
Hey Susan!

Though I usually avoid next generation as much as possible (even before next generation was canon) this was a lovely beginning. So unique, so clever, and since it won't remain in next generation I loved it. And as an added bonus, I found no spelling errors! Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Sophie
10/10

Author's Response: Haha, I'm not into the next generation that much either. Didn't like the prologue at all, but Teddy was interesting - I thought I could use him for a sort-of sequel to "Murder on the Hogwarts Express". :) They're actually more interesting to write than I thought - definitely more interesting than the Trio-generation, perhaps because less is known about the Trio's children.

Anywho, thanks very much for reviewing, Sophie. It's fantastic that you've enjoyed this first chapter. ^_^


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Review #2, by ladyemmaNever Shall We Die: i. remus

25th November 2007:
Hello! It's LadySophieKitty from the forums with your requested review. Your work within this review will be put in italics.

The first paragraph really hooked me into the story! A lot of times during at the start of stories I sort of skim before I get interested, so this was a nice surprise.

The clouds above were gathering and soon, it would rain. I know a lot of people use commas differently, but that comma seems a bit unnecessary. The wording also is a bit odd. It could work, but it might sound better as 'The clouds above would gathering and it would rain soon.'

His somewhat troubled feelings seemed to vanish as the rays touched his bare skin; he was convinced they did. It seems like the last part after the ; isn't really needed.

It may be intended, but you use an awful lot of he's. The first part was okay because it seemed like the identity was supposed to be kept secret until Sirius called his name, but after that it got to the point where I was almost counting in my head, something I only usually do for how many times people use 'like' in a conversation.

Also, I noticed you used 'he' for both Sirius and Remus in the conversation. While it was fairly easy to figure out who was saying what, it's always good to put names for most of the speaking parts.

Overall, that was really enjoyable. You got into Remus' head very well, and though, like you said, it wasn't very eventful, it was still interesting enough to keep going. Also, always a plus, you had very few spelling errors, and I am like a hawk when it comes to other people's spelling (not mine, though) so kudos to your beta. I rate this a 9/10, an addition to my favorites, and I will read and review the next chapter later.

Sophie

Author's Response: First off, thank you for the CC and suggestions. I will get back to sentences you provided and see what I can do. I do agree that the wording in the first line is a bit odd, but such lines comes naturally to me ^_^ Yes, the 'he's' are very common and I did intend it to be that way until Sirius calls Remus's name. After that, I never really thought of it, so I s'pose that's why it says everywhere. Again, will fix that. In another chapter I do the exact same thing, so I'll return to that as well before posting it =p I'm glad to hear it was eventful enough to keep you reading. That's what matters in the end. And I agree; edenvirg is the greatest! Can't wait for your next review - this was very helpful and that's just what I needed =)

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Review #3, by ladyemmaThe List: Christmas

27th July 2007:
Very good update! Just one little correction:

She had not only found the last copy, I think you meant latest.

I really liked the whole code thing. Defense Against Predators? I think drugs would have been better, but on the spur is never good. Curses and he-lo! and po-chemistry.

That was very clever of you! This isn't a spoiler as long as you keep it spoilerless on your end, but did you like the book?

Anyways, again wonderful update, 10/10, and other than the last mistake I didn't see anything.

Hope you don't get writer's block again! I always HATE it when I have it which is like after every chapter. *sigh* oh well.

Sophie

Author's Response: Hi! Glad you liked this chapter.

I actually did mean the last copy. But it probably wasn't clear enough. I'll go back and write "the last copy at Flourish and Blotts."

Drugs would've been better...but sadly I'm bad at the "on the spur" thing, so...we're stuck with Predators. Heh.

The book! Yes, I loved it. The first fifteen chapters were a little "eh," and too HBP-ish for my liking (*cough*OOCLadiesManRon*cough*), but after that Rowling really got into her stride and I just...loved it. Plus, the H/Hr scenes didn't hurt.

Thanks very much for reviewing! I really appreciate it. And I hope I never get writer's blocks again, too. *Laughs* Thanks again! :-)


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Review #4, by ladyemmaAt The End Of All Things: At The End Of All Things

19th July 2007:
Hello! this is LadySophieKitty on the forums with your requested review. I usually review as I read, so that may be why it sounds weird sometimes. Usually when I review, I list spelling and grammatical errors as well as sentences that sound odd, comments here and there, and then an overall rating. Your work will be in italics.
she had been dreading it ever since that memorable night the previous summer, when he rushed into the school, his eyes burning wildly, his long silver hair in disarray, his whole posture somehow distorted, bent if not broken. Sometimes, like with this sentence, you have really long ones that can easily be broken up into smaller ones. Not that big of a deal, but it's a bit distracting.

Either her agony had already reached that point where it became impossible to feel anything else; You tend to stick in random ; here and there. That type of punctuation mark is kind of risky to use because it can be hard to use properly. In some places a comma or a period or even nothing would have worked better. You also tend to stick commas where they aren't needed. Other than that this was a very good story. You really brought Minerva to life and wrote her in such a way that I felt sorry for her. There were also no spelling errors, a rare thing to find in a fic.

7/10 and I'm adding it to my favorites.
Sophie



Author's Response: Hello, LadySophieKitty! Thank you very much for your review! I'm so sorry I couldn't respond at once - I was on holiday and had no access to the Internet, shame on me.

You are not the first one to point out the sentences that are way too long, which means it's really a serious problem. I think I'll try and fix it right now. Also thanks a million for telling me about the punctuation mistakes. I really suck at this because I am not a native speaker, and my mother tongue is just stuffed with commas. I think I got to find an extra beta who would concentrate on this problem specially.

I'm glad you found my story good anyways, and I'm just happy that you liked the way I wrote Minerva. I really dissolved into her character while I was writing this, so it's very very personal.

I feel honoured to make it to your favorites list!

Thanks again so much!


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Review #5, by ladyemmaMemoirs of a Kelpie: Life and Death

15th July 2007:
“Mc Higgins!” you accidently added a space there.

this, he definitely like this particular kelpie; I think you forgot d at the end of like.

But you wrote Gilderoy perfectly! I almost felt like I was reading the second book again. Well, not really, but close. This was a really amazing story. I;m adding this to my favorites. And once again, 10/10.



Author's Response: Thanks for those corrections. I'll fix that.

Gilderoy was fun to write ... what an ego *lol*

Thank you once again for adding this to your favourates. I really appreciate your feedback and corrections.


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Review #6, by ladyemmaMemoirs of a Kelpie: Human Encounters

15th July 2007:
There was something I forgot to add from the last chapter's review. It seems a bit odd to have the story be in 1st person but the flashbacks (I think that's what they are) in 3rd. Not that big of a deal, but still a bit odd. Though it seemed to fit at the first one in this chapter as it was more in other people's point of view and it might be odd to have some be in 1st person and some in 3rd. I like how Seidon is very curious about humans. We are a rather curious bunch, aren't we?

I really liked Elizabeth in this chapter. she's very sweet. And I liked how he stayed away from her to protect her.

Yet another 10/10. And I thought giving 10's were supposed to be rare for me. ^_^




Author's Response: Oops ... *sheepish grin* I like to experiment on writing styles and technique. I guess this would mean that the using of 1st and 3rd differentiate the flashbacks isn't that good an idea. I just figured I want to try and see if it works better than plain old italics for flashback.

Thanks for that review. Happy to hear that you liked Elisabeth.

Yes, we are a curious bunch ... guess that's why Seidon would be easier to relate with compared to the other kelpies (his parents). :) Thanks again for reading and reviwing :)


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Review #7, by ladyemmaMemoirs of a Kelpie: Upbringing

15th July 2007:
This was a wonderful start! I was a little confused at first, but since it was the begining of a story, that is to be expected. I found no spelling or grammatical errors, but some things were worded a bit strangely like this:
Always, he would leave upon the bloodstained grass, a liver. maybe reword it or take away the second comma?

Sorry my review wasn't longer, but usually it's CC and spelling/grammatical errors, neither of which I have.

10/10 and I'm putting it on my favorites.


Author's Response: Good idea. I will do that. I appreciate your pointing that out :)

Thank you. I really love it when an author place a story of mine in their favourates.


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Review #8, by ladyemmaCooking Class With Your Best Mate: Chicken Caesar Salad Sandwiches

10th July 2007:
Hello, it is LadySophieKitty from the forums with your requested review! I tend to review as I read, so that's why it may look a bit odd.

This is a really original plot, and you had no spelling or grammatical errors that I noticed, however, I do have a few things to say.

Sirius was acting like an idiot in this story. Despite most marauder era stories, Sirius is NOT an idiot. In fact, he is said to be quite clever, and how else would he have done the animagus form?

Another thing, things seem to be a bit unnatural in this fic. The conversation, how it played out, and pretty much everything. Sirius and James seemed more like enemies or aquantences then best friends!

I'm sorry my review wasn't more positive.
Sophie

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I know that Sirius was quite clever at school, but clever people DO act like idiots. They do, really. Everybody has those moments, and Sirius is just having a lot of those moments because of the cooking class. And Sirius was quite confused, being thrown into a cooking class with absolutely no previous experience at all.

If you thought some things seemed a bit unnatural, I apologize, but this is an AU story. Sirius and James are both a bit mad with each other, and that's why they weren't as close. It'll get better as the story goes on, though.

Thanks for reviewing and pointing out all those things.


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Review #9, by ladyemmaThe Rise of the Dark Mark: Number Ten

10th July 2007:
Hello! It is LadySophieKitty from the forums with your requested review.
I just want to say that when I review I tend to review as I read, which is why it may sound a little odd.

The first part was rather long. I mean, it was nice to get in the Prime Minister's head and feel bad for him, but you got a bit carried away. Also, PM instead of Prime Minister seems like you are being lazy, which is a bit unappealing. It seems a bit odd that people call him Prime Minister all the time. I know you aren't allowed to use real people in stories, but maybe make up a name for him?

This was a bit long and boring. I have to admit that had I not been asked to review this, I would have stopped at around the 5th paragraph. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more positive. I'm sure a lot of people would like this, it's just not MY type of story.

Sophie



Author's Response: Hi Sophie.

Firstly, thanks for your frank review, even if its kinda adverse. I do like the fact you said straight.

I wanted to give the story a slightly slow start, a gloomy beginning. In the process, it may have turned out a tad too long and boring.

As for the PM, I thought it would be too stilted to see "Prime Minister" being written every two lines.

All in all, sorry if you didnt like it. I'd love it if you'd read the next few chapters and if they'd enthuse you about the story, but I'm still glad you gave this honest feedback :)


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Review #10, by ladyemmaLily: A Witch!

10th July 2007:
Hi, it's LadySophieKitty from the forums with your requested review! I will get to all the chapters, but for now I'm only doing this one until I get the other requests done. Just a note, I tend to write the review as I read, so that's why it may look a little odd.

First off, I like how you start off with saying some unintentionall magic things Lily has done. I also like how you have her call her sister "Pet" instead of Petunia, because as a three year old, that would be rather hard to say.

That was funny when I was reading about the cat, because when I was scrolling down to give above paragraph, I skimmed that line. I thought that Punpkin was Lily's nickname! But it is a good name for the cat, who I feel bad for by the way.

Though I found barely any spelling or grammatical mistakes, I do have two comments on this letter:
Term beggins on 1 September. first off, it's begins. Second of all 1 September doesn't sound right. I would reccomend doing one of two things: either put first of September, or September first. It also looks better when you write the number out.

I'm sorry I didn't give more CC, but, as you said it wasn't a very eventful, which is when I usually give CC

I really like this story, and should be adding it to my favorites soon!

8/10 (8 for the spelling error and lack of events)

Author's Response: Don't worry, I do the same (I write my reviews as I read), so they must be as odd as yours. ;)

I'm glad you liked the way I wrote this first chapter. Since it's mainly from Lily's point of view, I wanted it to sound a bit like a very young girl. And it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

I do agree - poor Pumpkin! But he's going to be Lily's pet for some time. Now, Pumpkin could have been Lily's nickname - except I never thought about it. lol.

Concerning the letter... I know how to spell 'begin" - or at least I thought I knew. *blushes* Let's say that my head knows but my fingers don't. lol.

"On 1 September"... it's the way it is written in HP and the Philosopher Stone. I'm afraid I have read the UK version a bit too much. I can change that though, so it will be better for everyone.

I'm glad you like this story. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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Review #11, by ladyemmaThis fic is crap, don't read it: Crap

9th July 2007:
I really hate to do this, especially since you said no cc, but I really can't help it.

First off, Latrina is a HUGE Mary-Sue. SHe is the 'Princess' of them, you could say. Even her name is a Mary-Sue!

And this plot is very cliched. I mean, a Mary-Sue helping Harry to defeat Voldemort, having a special power, Hermione getting a makeover, and being Head Girl with Draco? Just because it's in some fics doesn't mean it has to be in every one. And BLONDE hair, Hermione? Yeah right.

Third, you need to get a beta. BAD! You had a mistake in practically every sentence. You can get them at the forums you know, and it will make this fic all the more appealing.

This fic isn't crap, it just needs work, so don't say it is or people will think it is!

1/10 (and 0 if you can't guess who I am. ^_^)

Author's Response: So THAT'S your penname here? I spent all morning trying to find your fic.

I'll try and make it better, really I swear. Honest. But I just a widdle baby audder. I don' write too gud yet.


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Review #12, by ladyemmaA Broken Hallelujah: A Broken Halellujah

1st July 2007:
Can I first say that I LOVE this song? I listen to it all the time on my ipod! Also, I was really surprised when I saw this story by you! I was like, is thaat really a new story by Hermione_Crookshanks? Now on to my review.

Poor Harry. Of course, if anyone can make him feel anything, it's Hermione. But he really shouldn't be snapping at her like that, after all she's done. Isn't it funny how when you're hurting you end hurting everyone around you?

OMG! That kiss! Especially after the rant! It made me burst. I can't help it, I'm a secret romantic. Too bad nothing really happened. Harry doesn't know how lucky he is. He never does. Which is one reason why I hate him.

I used a curses Curse doesn't have to be plural. It's the only spelling/grammatical error I found though, so good job!

It's amazing how you can go from humor to angst so well. Would you mind checking out my fic, Traitor? It was my first attempt at angst, and I want your opinion.

10/10








Author's Response: It is a beautiful song, isn't it? One of my favorites, despite the fact that I always tear up when I hear it.

LOL. Yeah. I tend to either do incredibly insane/funny stories or incredibly sad stories. I can't seem to find the middleground. Oh well. *Laughs*

And aw, I love Harry. I mean, I know who can be an absolute jerk at times, but given what he's been through...I think it's warranted. Though Harry is, admittedly, slightly annoying in this story. Ah well. It's kind of a "return to OotP," but this time he's blaming himself, not everyone around him.

(And I'm a huge romantic as well.)

Thank you for pointing out the error! I corrected it and credited you in my author's note. I really appreciate it!

And I'd be happy to read your story. I'm off to do so now! Thanks for reviewing. :-)


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Review #13, by ladyemmaHeartbreak and Newfound Love: Logically, hearts don't break, do they?

20th June 2007:
Hello, it's ladyemma, author of Happily Ever After? I just wanted to let you know that the squel is up, and it's called the Powers Within. But now onto the review:
The spacing was a bit annoying. See, 2 spaces, like this:

is enough. And it doesn't cause a lot of scrolling down.

Her laughter turning into soft silent tears, streaming down her face. I think you meant laughter turned into silent tears, not turning.

Also, I think they would care what Ron thought. Maybe not anyone else, but Ron definately.

Other than that, I really enjoyed it, and I am going to add it to my favorites! ^_^

Sophie


Author's Response: hey thanks heaps I'll check it out when I have the time. I'm doing my final year of high school so that's taking most of my time.

thanks for reviewing, means a lot to me.

Vithiya


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Review #14, by ladyemmaWicked Children: Foreword: The Spark

18th June 2007:
Hello, it's LadySophieKitty from the forums! Before I begin, let me just say that that banner is gorgeous! *is jealous*

Also, I love Wicked, so this is a nice treat. And I am not that big of a fan of Draco/Hermione (though if it is well written, I love it). This is well written AND unique.

This was quite dark, but realistic, and you got the time period down very well. I enjoyed it very much, found no CC (that is rare!), and am going to add it to my faves.

10/10 (that's even rarer than no CC)





Author's Response: Hey LadieSophie!!! I love my banner too ;) But I guess we already figured eh? XD

You don't like Dramione? That surprises me! I'd figure it'd be right up your alley! But like you said, it has to be well written and I agree with oyu. I hate reading cliche Dramione, and that is probably why sometimes i enjoy reading Romione more because there aren't as many I think. Or non e that bother me anyway. I knew when I was writing this story it had to be mature because of its dark qualities. Thanks! Alot of research went into this (just take a look at the publish date) and Elivania helped alot, so yeah this is historically accurate.

Thanks for the wonderful review!!

XxVampireXx


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Review #15, by ladyemmaFind Yourself: Slowly You're Becoming Someone Else

18th June 2007:
I really liked this! It was very sweet, and I found no spelling/grammatical errors. I don't usually like stories with lyrics woven through, but I think I'll make this an exception.

Author's Response:
Aww, thanks! If you liked this, perhaps you'll like the sequel.

Carrie


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Review #16, by ladyemmaWho Knows: The Meeting

18th June 2007:
Hello! It's LadySophieKitty from the forums. Sorry it took me so long to get to this.

You tend to have a lot of run on sentences. For example:
No one in their right mind would have stood there in the dreadful cold, waiting for a person to appear, especially after having waited so long, and the raven-haired boy, who was standing by the fence enclosing the shrieking shack was thinking the same thing as he waited, his insides freezing, for the girl, who had asked him to meet her there the day before.

It could easily be made into a couple sentences.

Another example of this (which I will actually show how you could change it) is this:
must be out of my mind, it’s bloody freezing and here I am waiting in what seems like forever for Hermione, who I’m beginning to think has no intention of showing up.’ Harry thought 'Oh, well, I guess five more minutes wouldn’t hurt' with this in mind, he shivered.
That could be made into:
‘I must be out of my mind. It’s bloody freezing and here I am waiting in what seems like forever for Hermione, who I’m beginning to think has no intention of showing up.’ Harry thought 'Oh, well, I guess five more minutes wouldn’t hurt.' With this in mind, he shivered.

I would also capitalize the 'W' in with.

Okay, ummm, Seeing as Harry is British, he would probably use 'er'.

Oh, and when Harry and Hermione were speaking, it seemed like every time they spoke they addressed eachother. You shouldn't do it that much, because it can get a bit distracting/annoying.

Other then that, I really enjoyed this! I'm going to add it to my faves so I can continue reviewing later. Hope my CC wasn't too harsh! ^_^

Sophie




Author's Response: No.. It wasn't too harsh.. I do agree with it.. I do have the tendency to do run-ons and I guess that's bad.. ahahaha.. anyway, thanks for the review.. a lot..:D

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Review #17, by ladyemmaThree's a Crowd; Four's a Circus: The Room of Requirement

15th June 2007:
I'm sorry, I didn't like this. It was way too fast and unbelievable, but here are the two main things that bothered me:

I'll use the last paragraph as an example.

On the other side of the curtain, Harry and Hermione guessed what must have happened. Clothes were thrown across the floor and Cho and Draco lay breathless under a rug by the fire.
“Harry” Cho exclaimed.
“Don’t bother Cho, its over between us” he replied.
“You used me Draco”.
“What’s new, you used me too” he replied.
“I guess we both got what we wanted” Hermione said. Harry was next to speak.
“Cho, I thought we could still be friends and I still care about you. But not if you’re with him” he pointed at Draco disgusted. Hermione threw them their clothes before she and Harry went to leave. The Room of Requirement finally let them go having achieved unity, but also disarray and chaos.

First off, it bothered me how it was all single spaced when talking. I Would do something like this:
On the other side of the curtain, Harry and Hermione guessed what must have happened. Clothes were thrown across the floor and Cho and Draco lay breathless under a rug by the fire.

“Harry” Cho exclaimed.

“Don’t bother Cho, its over between us” he replied.

The other thing that bothered me was that there were no punctuation marks within quotations:

“Don’t bother Cho, its over between us.” he replied.

Is what it should look like.





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Review #18, by ladyemmaNo Man's Land: No Post On Sunday's

15th June 2007:
Hello, it's LadySophieKitty from the forums! Sorry it took me a while to get to this. Before I begin I just want to say I love stories about canon characters, but ones that aren't written about much.

I found almost no spelling or grammatical errors. I'll name the one I found:
(minus some of her mothers poise and grace) mother's is what it is supposed to be.

“Honey, this isn’t your fault okay? is supposed to be 'fault, okay?'
“I-I’m sorry mom,” Two things here: one, it's supposed to be capitalized because in this case Mom is being used as a name, and two, it's supposed to be Mum.

However, Arabella wasn’t asleep, she wanted to be, but thoughts rushed through her head, if she wasn’t accepted, then what did that mean? Bit of a run on sentence there. I would make it into two or three.

“Well, uh- I, umm...no sir not that I can recall.” She would probably use Er.

Diagon Ally is supposed to be Diagon Alley.


I felt so bad for Belle! Good story. I'm going to add it to my faves so I can r&r later.

9/10 (for grammatical mistakes)

Author's Response: Thankyou so much for helping out on that! I'll be sure to go back and edit! I hope you liked this story and continue to enjoy reading it! Thanks so much for the wonderful review as well =)

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Review #19, by ladyemmaCharlie's Exodus: The Breakaway

15th June 2007:
Hello, it's LadySophieKitty from the forums! I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this.

Why am I indulging him on this? I’m twenty-five, old enough to stand up to him. Why am I here? Well, I had a bit of a problem with this, seeing as it is told in 3rd person, it ruins the flow a bit. It can stay, but I would either put it in a single thing like this:', put it in italics like I did, or both. Same with: Why have you done this, my son? You have doomed us both.


Covering everything was an inch-thick layer of dust. It isn't wrong the way it is, it's just that it would sound better if it was An inch-thick layer of dust covered everything.

At times the writing seemed a little too formal and awkward, such as the above example.

Other than that, I really liked this story/chapter. I found no spelling or grammar mistakes. Good job!



Author's Response: Those two thoughts were in italics, but when I pasted it from my works doc the italics were removed.

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Review #20, by ladyemmaI Hate Being the New Kid: Prolouge: This Is Dumb

11th June 2007:
Hello, it's LadySophiekitty from the forums! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get to this.

First off, before I begin, it would be nice to fix your spacing. It's a bit annoying, especially having to scroll down so much. Two shifts usually are enough.

I really like your oc's personality, not Mary-Sue at all. There were no spelling errors, or grammatical errors either. She was fun, and the story was very interesting. I didn't even mind the length! I'm adding this to my favorites, and I'll continue reading later.

Sophie

10/10 (that is rare!)

Author's Response: I'm so thrilled that you thought this deserved a 10/10! thank you! I'll definitely fix the spacing, I don't know what I was thinking there. Thanks again!

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Review #21, by ladyemmaHidden Memories- Year 4: Quidditch World Cup

11th June 2007:
Hello, it's LadySophieKitty from the forums! I apoligize for taking so long to get to this, and hope I can make up for it in the review. Just a little warning, I can be a bit harsh. Hope you don't mind CC too much, because I really do like this story and your writing, which is why I'm doing it:

Sometimes you used 'she' too much. Just add a few more Nadia's however, and you should be fine.

Anyways, dad 'dad' should be 'Dad', because in this case, 'dad' is like a name. You did this a couple times in the fic.

And how can I ever get mad at you. should have a question mark at the end, as it is a question.

I don't know why, but it seemed a bit too fake. Everything was all bright and cheerfull, and the relationship seemed cheesy and unreal.

There were a few errors, so I would make sure to get a beta to check over it.

Sophie






Author's Response: thank u so much for pointing out the mistakes... and i will go and check those out right away.

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Review #22, by ladyemmaBlinded: The Last Straw

11th June 2007:
Hello, this is LadySophieKitty from the forums! I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this, since I promised this review ages ago. Anyway, here it is:

First thing is, I don't read this ship very much. Not to say that I have anything against it, but other than timeturner and Jessi_Rose, it's been a very long time.

In the first paragraph, when Hermione is thinking in first person, I would have it in italics, so it is easier to tell which is which. The way it is, it's a tad bit confusing. Well, anytime any character is thinking in first person, which they did quite a bit in this chapter.

Second part, it seemed weird that Harry and Hermione were addressing each other each time they spoke. A few times is okay, but everytime is a bit much.

But suddenly she was shut up as Sirius sneaked up behind her, turned her around, and kissed her on the lips. that sentence was very ooc. It wasn't like Sirius at all. Same with the whole PLAYWITCH thing. In fact, both Hermione and Sirius were very ooc.

Good things: I didn't notice many spelling or grammatical errors. It kept my interest from the first line until the very last line.

Hope you don't mind CC too bad! I enjoyed the first chapter!

Sophie

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you liked it despite the few things you mentioned lol... I beleive as you read on, everything is more 'normal' as a fic like this can be lol. I hope you like it! *HUGS*

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Review #23, by ladyemmaOne In A Million: Hogwarts Express

11th June 2007:
Hello, it's LadySophiekitty from the forums! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get to this, as you have requested this ages ago. So here is my review:
I found lot's of grammatical errors:
Yea shouldn't it be 'yeah'?

“Lay off me ok! should be 'Lay off me, okay?' Though ok is fine, the comma still needs to be there, and 'okay' looks more proffesional.

So if you cant make it nice, don’t spoil It should be can't with the i not capitalized in it.

“Goodbye mom, goodbye dad Wow, lot's of things in this sentence. 'mom' should be capitalized, since in this instance it is used as a name. Same with dad.

I would reccomend getting a beta. I know that it can be really hard to catch everything. I always have to have a beta.

I'm sorry to say this, but April is very Mary-Sueish.

I apoligize that my review wasn't nicer. I am sorry that I gave so much CC. Despite what I say, this is a good story. And we are all guilty of a Mary-Sue at one time or another. I'll try to continue reading as soon as I finish reviewing other stories on the list. Hope you don't take the CC too harshly!

Sophie





Author's Response: Hello! no problem! just glad you came over :D

ANd yes i will look through the grammar... I best work on my own so I don't take kindly to a beta... no offense but i like working alone!!!

I welcome CC very much so I have no problem! though i must confess that you are my first reviewer to call AJ mary-sue! I would like you to explain why so that i can work on it!!!

The story is still pre-mature you know!!!

Thank you!


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Review #24, by ladyemmaAway From Me: Away From Me

10th June 2007:
Hello, it's LadySophieKitty from the forums! First off, before I begin, I would like to say that I am glad you found the pics, and that they are perfect! Now on to the story.

First off, you have captured Hermione perfectly. This is how I would imagine her at age 51. I liked how she had to stay strong in front of her children and grand-children, how she could show no weakness. (Almost like a guy, except for better reasons of course)

The way you wrote was very beautiful and poetic. I think I may have even learned a few words, which is always a bonus for me. My only complaint was that the way they spoke was sometimes too formal.

I really liked Draco. I liked how he wanted to be her friend (how sweet). One reason I liked that was because in most Dhr stories, they all the sudden fall in love, without even being civil first. I liked how he had been afraid to become friends with her for years and years.

What? They did it? Connor wasn't Ron's? That was quite a shock. And somewhat takes away what I said previous paragraph, and yet at the same time it didn't.

'he age' should be 'her age'

And the last thing I liked was how at last she was able to cry in front of everyone.

Can you tell I liked it? ^_^

And let me tell you, that is rare for Dhr. I mean, I like the ship, but there are so many cliches, and the same plot is being used over and over again. I am happy to say that this was very unique. I didn't really give much CC, which is a first for me. I'm going to add this to my favorites, give it a 10/10, and hopefully read more stories by you.

Oh, and two last things: one, I was a little surprised by lack of Harry (unless you mentioned he died? I'm horrible with small details)
and two, I don't even like RHR, but when I was reading this, I wasn't even thinking about that.

Sophie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for helping me find pictures, though, I really appreciate it. I'm so horrible at looking for them!

Hermione is actually modeled after my mom. I flew for the first time ever about a month ago and I was sooo nervous, but my mom was the picture of calm. Now, I'm 22 years old, but I was probably shaking like a 5 year old, haha. When we got off the plane, she told me it took everything for her to sit calmly and not be nervous in front of me. I admire that so much, and I think Hermione would be the same way.

Sorry about the speech being so formal. I just supposed that since they were in their 60's it might be nicer, but I totally see your point.

And you're right, Draco is a bit of a conundrum. I mean, here he is trying to be nice and say sorry, and then all of a sudden he brings up the affair, which clearly stirs Hermione.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned up there that he'd died in the war...if not I'll add it. In a previous rough draft I had him reading the eulogy, but that would have complicated things. I'll double check.

And RHR...I like it because it's canon, but I don't like to write it (hence why my story Cinders is so bad, haha) but I'm glad you weren't focused on that.

Thank you sooo much for reviewing, I really appreciate your honest comments and I'm so pleased you liked it!


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Review #25, by ladyemmaDueling Destiny: Downing Street Debacle

4th June 2007:
Ooh, wonderfull start! I liked the whole thing with the Prime Minister, especially since people don't write about him much, and your spelling was flawless! I found no errors, which is amazing for me. I'll try to read more later, and hopefully write a longer review. Until next time!

Sophie

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