Oh my, the ending of that was absolutely hilarious. i love that this chapter was almost fivethousand words long and that it seemed to actually fly by. If I could find any fault in this, I'd say there was so much depth that maybe it ought to have been even longer, explored in more detail. you have a fabulous mind for writting down that sort of speak for itself humour that is neither subtle nor bold, with an omnipresent hint of tongue in cheek irony which you alternate with suddenly sprung and unexpected caricatured predicatability, if that makes any sense to you. I loved it! Ran Report Review
Wow, this was a perfect chapter. i'm really glad you ended it on this, it had all teh emotion, setimentality adn finality of a final chapter, or an epilogue to a great drama. Great work here and on the story in general, you should be pround that you saw it thorugh to the end, very few do. Even fewer see it through to the end and do this kind of job on it, congrats, and thanks so much for giving us all this marvelous story, I look forward to a sequel. RanAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, I'm really glad you liked the ending. I was afraid people would get angry because I promised a 36th! Your review is so flattering, and the sequel (as you probably already know because I've taken ages to answer these reviews!) is up and running. I hope you enjoy it too :) Report Review
Action packed, the chapter wasn't at all bad, but a bit too predictable and didn't quite stand out somehow. Maybe a bit more emotional charge, there didn't seem to be much emotional depth. Again, not a bad chapter, but even an action chapter can use some emotion, some dispair, if only for an instant.Author's Response: You're right, of course. Sometimes I get caught up in the action. Shame on me. Thank you for giving me your honest opinion. Report Review
Wow..., that was..., INtense. You know, I long ago thought that your story was over, but I guess not, I'm interested in seeing where it goes form here. Great feeling, fantastic emotion, I loved it. Report Review
Great writting, the labour scene was interesting, although someone pushing a child ou of their vagina is something I usually try not to think about. BTW, teddy's point is totally vaild, what was scorpius/rose thinking not having some sort of contact. Anyway, thanks for all the hard work you've put into this story. You've put it up faster and more consistantly with good quality than most, and we all really appreciate that. Report Review
A ver good chapter, Ginny was much more human in it, these last three chapters have shown her weaknesses, her strengths. Keep it up, I can't wait to see more of Lizzie and Charlie, and more private moments of emotion with GinnyAuthor's Response: I'm glad you approve of the change in Ginny. I've been trying to make her seem less perfect, and it's always nice to know that it's working. Charlie and Lizzie you will definitely see, but I might have to add some more private moments with Ginny. Thank you for reminding me. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! Report Review
interesting cryptic ending. Great job on Elliot and Grey's dialogue, and Elliot's mother was perfect for him. There were some grammar issues, for instance, the second and third sentences ought to be combined, the third has no predicate, and the subject is only there because it's implied from the second sentence. There was a place or two where you mixed up the gender of your pronouns. Also, the sisters were a bit stiff as characters, if you get what that means, but I really loved Penny. All in all these are only superficial issues and I positively LOVED this chapter, 10/10 and I don't give those easily. Keep up your fantastic work, RanAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! It's completely lovely to see you enjoyed it, because I think this chapter is one of my favourites. I stressed about it quite a bit, because as I've said, me and out-right angst don't really get along. But El and his ending, he really made me happy for going along with it. Cryptic=That's lovely, that is.
I'm definitely interested in your critique, I had some trouble with the sisters, and hearing that you've noticed it, I'll try and go over it and see if I can smooth them in a little.
There was something in my head reminding me it was a dinner table during the 1960s, and Madeline was sort of...an unwanted house guest. I didn't know how to juggle it, I suppose. But I do understand your meaning, and I'll see what I can do.
Penny was an instant character. She wasn't really what I had originally intended. Naturally, one's head automatically goes to the nasty step mother. But I'm so glad I found her instead. So less cliched. Even though the entire circumstance still screams it =P
Again, thank you so much! Another really extra-lovely, helpful review.
-Rose. Report Review
Great job creating Elliot, he's an absolutely lovable character, charmingm honest, perfect for this story, as was the old lady and her ranting. Great job pairing them all up, if this was a movie, I think it' have to have some fantasticly clever actress like Ellen Page as your star, hmm, well her or Emma Watson.Author's Response: Elliot. I do love him, and I'm very glad you do too...He's a bit difficult sometimes, a bit evasive in my head. I can't help but want to pedestal him, I suppose, but he's got his faults so he won't let me...
A lovely review here, it's nice to know you think my characters fit together. Sometimes it's easy to forget that the story doesn't spell out everything I think into their story and intentions...you know, I understand why he's there, and why Madeline reacts the way she does...But you have to like it without knowing all the background reasonings... I'm digging myself into a hole of nonsense. Forgive me =)
Oh, and...I'd vote for Ellen.
-Rose Report Review
Really bad decisions here, the end of this chapter has no logic. Two Slytherins, ( the house of the cunning, clever, and ambitious) walked up in broad daylight and used unforgivable curses on victims with witness all around, witnesses that could assault them while they were performing said curses? Slytherins would be much to clever for that, also, what is there to gain, and what is the logical motive. It's all very foolish and stupid, and to have one of them attempt a killing curse? They'd both be sent ot azkaban without a dissent. Really bad decisions and it doesn't make sense, along with toying with your readers just to keep them reading. A brutal attack that left them injured seriously yes, even using onforgivables where they could not be caught might work, but this is illogical in the extreme. Report Review
Effing brilliant decision there, I sat and thought about it for several seconds, just processing that end of the chapter, (which is where it needed to go by the way, just so the reader could spend the time to processit without interrupting the flow.) Amazing ending, brilliant idea. Also, Lily giving James the key after deciding she couldn't face it all was also a fantastic choice. Quite possilbl your best chapter yet. Hope you're still perfecting your craft somewhere, Ran. Report Review
Exceptionally fluffly cute, and completely adorable. I loved it. The only issues is the light way you treat love here. Love's something serious you don't just toss out without a real attachment to someone. It's twice now you've just tossed it out, with Rose and Sirius and now James and Lily. It's a bit out of place on a first date, and will have a much greater and more believable effect after the characters have grown closer in their relationship, exploring each other. It's something that ought ot come on with uncertainty. Still, thats not to say that this chapter wasn't awesome, I love its candor and the interaction of all your characters here, great fluffly job, Ran. Report Review
Hmmm, maybe a bit more emotion here about her mum. It's not really given enough attention I don't think. Anyway cute moments with LIly and James. Ran Report Review
I liked the way this twist was orchestrated. I can see your plot and character judgement improving slowly throughout the story. Although it feels a little fast it also feels as if several weeks have passed over the last few chapters, so its not entirely out of place. Great work, and I hope you come back one day. Ran Report Review
i liked a lot of the dialogue in this chapter, but the interactions of the characters are confusing. Do they feel believe think one thing or another? Keep writting please, Ran. Report Review
Very clever line there, it shows the quality of James and Sirius' relationship. I liked the note that line ended the chapter on. The only critique here is the way you created and told the circumstances of Lily's intoxication. But upon cursory reflection I dunno exactly what ought ot have been changed, so perhaps I'm being overly picky, although I do feel there ought to be something to both applaud and critique in every review. Keep writting, (although this is like 2 years old,) and thanks, Ran. Report Review
Horrible plot twist there, there was no reason for them to tell Clover, no reason for them to let Lily see the map at all in fact. It really didn't make sense and hurts the credibility of the story. Also, for her to run around shouting freak just makes her out to be a Petunia clone, a charater that already lacks dynamism. All around the decisions made in this chapter were very poor, I fear you've damaged your story severly. And while we're on the topic of credibility if Lily didn't trust her friend enough to let her hear the secret without putting some spell on her why let Remus tell her at all? Not logical. Report Review
Cute start for sure! I like it so far. Course as it hasn't been updated in several years you prolly won't get this, but great writting and keep at it, Ran Report Review
Excellent imagery, the opening of this story was phenomenal. I really liked the colors and scenery. Some of the phrasing in the later half of the story was awkward however. Examples, -"we're like brothers..." Here Sirius is telling James how they both are, or feel, instead of assuring him that James has his affection. It feels more as if you are addressing the reader instead of Sirius addressing James. That breaks the flow of the story a bit. The same is true of the line "Both father and son looked at each other confused and after a moment both bursts out laughing" with the addition of the word burst, which I'm not sure is grammatically correct because it signals a change in tense or perspective in the middle of a sentence. When writting try not to ever change perspective without some sort of page break and explainatory sentence. Anyway, overall very concept and pretty writting. Also, I think this is your oldest piece, so I'll have to continue reading your work. Thanks a lot for your efforts here writting and reviewing and spreading your creativity with us all, Ran.Author's Response: Thank you for the LONG review you gave me! I really appreciate it a lot! I'm glad you like my story and surprisingly enough, the beginning chapter! I've tried several times to get myself a Beta, but they never seem to email me back or they are too busy to help me! Thank you for your constructive criticism I really appreciate it. I'm glad that you will be reading my stories!
HiJane_2 Report Review
I want to thank you for your posting actually. You may realize that you don't post as fast as others would like, but you dedication to our fans and the speed of your posting is actually exceptional. I've been reading fanfic for a long time. Most likely a lot longer than you've been writting it, and you put up updates faster than a good 95% of authors. On top of that, you put up good updates. I'd know, I'd call my attempted stories neither good nor quickly updated, its taken me three years to post 3-4 chapters at best. Some of my stories i started don't go past the first chapter. None of them are going to win a pulitzer either. I'm not gonna lie here, or go all gushy. Your story isn't the greatest ever written, and I am not completely gobsmacked everytime I log on by your writting. You are not as good as JK Rowling in your own way. You do however write good, well considered and dedicated stories that are honest and fantasticly fun to read. I'd say actually, that you have every bit as much of what is needed to become a professional writter, and perhaps more so, than even the very best authors I've read online. Your tale is fantastic, I really enjoy it, and so do a fantastic number of other people on this great creation called the world wide web. You've already had more people read this story, and like it, than a lot of professional authors ever have see there work. And you don't have to be ingenius, reinventing literature and cracking new bound with your fantastic, expressive, unrivaled prose, cause you write about what you know, what you audience knows, and you do it really really well. I wish there were more authors in the world with your gift for that. More authors that could write a decent real life realizstic yarn. Great work, please keep it up, I love your story. You've a lot of gift in all the areas and disciplines that an author really needs, even if you don't break the bounds of human reality like Murakami, or break the bonds of poetry and expression and love like the original Shakespeare, or find new ways to compose thoughts like Faulkner. You've a gift for real life, and for the skills an author need to turn concept to idea, idea to creation, and creation to a real story, a great to read novel. You're only going to improve in figuring out how to do that, and I wish you the best luck explaining through your stories what people are actually feeling, thinking, doing. We need some one to explain, explicate, and expound upon who we are, cause a lot of the time we need revelation or reminding on that front, in the most artistic and fantastically creative manner possibly, the story. Thanks a lot and keep it up, Ran/Cyan Green Zephyr, you're a better author than I'll ever be, keep giving us those stories. You've got more than talant, you've got a feel for humanity. Report Review
wow, that was an effing amazing whirlwind of a chapter. It was so well done, perfectly written, I could feel the emotional turmoil screaming off the pages in that last bit. The speed and curtness of all Sirius' words, his foolish forgetfulness, his hasty judgements and thus evident confusion, very, very well done, and the perfect place to end the chapter. And I was so waiting for the humdrum cliche fight tantrum make up after a few filler chapters of abject misery, great writting fantastic! Much thanks for this beautifully done piece of workmanship, Ran. (please keep writting!)Author's Response: Thankyou so much!! :) ^.^ Report Review
And great chapter, please keep writting, sorry I'm not more helpful tonight, I'm exhausted and my eyes burn from the pollen count. You've thankfully probably little idea what living in North Carolina in the spring is like, suffice it to say that when it rains the streests all run yellow. Anyway, great writting, please keep it up, and thanks, RanAuthor's Response: I will:) Thanks so much, and awhh! I get awful hayfever too, but where I live we have not so much with the pollen to be honest!
Cheers! x Report Review
Really really interesting, a great start to a chapter, but it felt incomplete. The great conflict was missing, and so was the sudden character developement, and plot movement. Still I enjoyed it greatly and it was super fantastic seeing an update, keep going please, its a fantastic story.Author's Response: Thanks so much, and I think I did rush it. >.< everything will add up in the next chapter; I promise. Report Review
That was one of the most fantastically done love scenes I think I"ve ever read. Well done and bravo. Thank you for the tender true writing, RanAuthor's Response: Oh thank you Ran... I was a bit concerned that it might be too much, but I'm so glad that you liked it:) Thank you again, your review made my day:D Report Review
This was positively the most amaing chapter, it was done so well. Your last line, the honesty and trust, it was perfect. Her strength here, to reveal it, it was fantastic. And it reaveals soo much about her character now, so much that makes so much more sense, perfect, I love it. Also, the scene with Sirius was wonderful, thanks for that bit of fluffy cutesy stuff.Author's Response: Thnks so much!!!! Report Review
A very very interesting chapter. I'm curious to see how the thing with Snape plays out. Its obviously important, or you wouldn't have included it. I'm not sure if it's going to be a recurring conflict of Evans' heart or if its going to be a repetitive action demonstrating her heart or what, but it makes for a very interesting start to a James/Lily fic. I'm intrigued. Has this story been fully written and now you're going back and completely rewriting it? I await more anxiously. Absolutely fan-effing-tastic introduction. I loved it as a beginning. Great work, Ran Report Review
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