You have an intriguing idea for a story here and a good start. I do agree with one of the other reviewers that the story seems somewhat rushed. You don't have to be overly wordy, but try to describe characters' feelings, emotions and reactions between some of the dialogue. I think people would react with much more shock and disbelief (not to mention faint dead away!) to see someone come back to life. What exactly was Harry thinking while anticipating the resurrection of his parents? Sure he was excited that he might finally get to see them, but perhaps he was also nervous about what they would think of the man he has become. Add more description of the characters' surroundings- a possible example might be a description of what the day was like when they went to the cemetery; maybe it was sunny and bright, possibly reflecting Harry's mood of anticipation and joy?

You should also consider asking someone (who is comfortable with grammar and Harry Potter cannon) to beta your chapters before you post them. They'll help you fix the grammatical mistakes you've made such as there vs their, the use of I vs me, capitalization of HP words like Apparate and Disapparate, etc. I use a beta for my stories (for The Power to Vanquish, I had two) and no matter how careful I try to be, my beta always finds silly mistakes that I've made. It's very hard to spot some errors in your own writing, or at least it is for me. Unfortunately, blatant grammatical errors completely detract from an otherwise good story.

Please don't consider my feedback harsh or mean because that is not how it is meant. We all have room for improvement in our writing and I think you definitely have potential. Keep going with the story.

-Deedee

Author's Response: Thanks, I know that I do mess up on some words, but i'm trying to improve. How exactly do you send your chapters to a beta? (just wright another review to answer my questions) also do you know of any one that i could use for a beta? I don't plan to quit the story and I don't consider your feedback harsh I like it when people do that so that they can help me improve. sorry I kindof turned this into TONS of questions for you.

-hgstories

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This was a very sweet and romantic story of Harry and Ginny's engagement. Other than a few grammatical errors, it was well written. I'd say your first foray into writing a H/G pairing was a success- this H/G shipper enjoyed reading it!
-Deedee

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. And I really need a beta lol, every time I check over it I always seem to miss something!

Ox-LAURA-xO

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Loved it!!! This chapter was completely amazing and a joy to read! The feelings, emotions and characters were near perfection and it was written so well that it left me feeling that this was the only way Ginny and Harry would have reacted & come together after DH. By far my favorite chapter in this story – I might go as far as to say this could be my favorite ‘one shot’ I have read to date!



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How sad- Harry losing & Ginny's reaction but you are setting up an interesting story line...

Author's Response: thanks for reading and for taking the time to review!1


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Interesting take on "the end". You've got me wanting to read the sequel.

Author's Response: cool, i didn't think it would actually work, but cool.


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Very sad (**snif**) but you captured the tender and fun moments they shared together nicely. Good job!

Author's Response: Yes, very sad... *Hands a tissue* But I also liked writing about the good times as well. The fun memories for Ginny to remember.

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So sad, yet sweet as a parent remembers a child that they loved above all else and will soon join in eternity. Nicely done- this story left me with tears. - Deedee

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! Exactly waht I was trying to convey. :)

Cheers,
Dragonette

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Loved it & very cute! I couldn't wait to read to the end to find out how you were going to explain Ginny's 'condition.' - Deedee

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Very good one-shot! I liked it; a bit sad but with a promise that things can be good and happy. Although I agree with some of your other reviewers that you should expand it. Nice writing! -Deedee

Author's Response: Thank you! Yes...an expansion is in the works. I should either have another chapter or a sequal up within a week or so. Thanks again for reviewing!

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Your story is fabulous and I love the diary-twist! I only haven’t left a review up until now because I kept wanting to read on (I figured it was about time I left one, tho, huh?) While Hermione seems a little denser than normal, I like the way you are writing her and Harry dancing around each other. But I think my favorite parts are the notes between Lily and James- you’ve done a great job of showing their personalities (and Sirius’s) and depicting their budding romance- bravo! -Deedee

Author's Response: well she's not 'dense' she's just a typical girl and refusing to notice something

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This was a wonderful story, and you wrote it with such a beautiful ‘twist’ that I have not yet come across in other HPFF stories. May we all be as lucky as Harry to run into someone like Father Ted, and recognize them, no matter our beliefs, to help us find clarity and purpose in our lives; especially when all seems hopeless in our eyes.

Again I say, wonderful writing.

- Deedee


Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! I've never come across anything really like this on HPFF.com but if anyone has ever read a similar story, I'd really like to read it too. I really enjoyed writing Ted, just because he is such an uplifting character. I'm glad you were able to take something away from this.

Thanks for reading!

Brad

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Great story with an interesting backdrop! Of course you now have me waiting to find out what more Harry will reveal to us with baited breath. Good writing! - Deedee

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Harry's story is short and to the point, but I think you'll enjoy the next chapter.

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Interesting first chapter and I like your descriptive writing style- you've hooked me in. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and where you take this story.

-Deedee

Author's Response: Welcome aboard! I'm glad to have hooked you. The next chapter will be in the validation queue within the hour.

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This was an awesome story- I loved it!!! You superbly packed so much in a one-shot - suspense, humor, action and romance all in one- Bravo!
- Deedee


Author's Response: Thanks, Deedee! I'm really glad you loved it! There was a lot mixed into this one and I'm happy to hear that it worked for you! thanks so much for the read and review! :)

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I think you wrote a wonderful story. Very sentimental & emotional- great writing!
-Deedee

Author's Response: thanks! there will be more to this one, but it won't come until i finish 'A Marauder for a Lady' thanks again!
~JLH~

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I loved it! Very fluffy and sweet & Perfect for a Valentine's day story.

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much!

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This is so well written & it struck such an emotional cord- I could actually feel what they were feeling! You portrayed a brilliant balance between the bitter & the sweet and I’m not ashamed to say it brought a tear to my eye. Fantastic writing! -Deedee

Author's Response: Aw, thank you very much, Deedee! I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed this one and that the emotions of the moment came through for you. Thanks so much for the review and I hope you continue to enjoy my work! :)

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Woah! That was definitely a chilling, different and scarey Hermione! I kinda liked it tho. Good job.

Author's Response: I hoped that it would end up like so. I always wanted her to be creepy in one of my stories, to be the evil one that no one suspected.

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I loved this story!! I certainly understand how many authors doubt the quality of their work, especially when it is outside of their comfort zone and what they usually write. However, you need not be concerned. Your characterization of Lily and James’ relationship and the strain the war (and the pending birth of a child during such times) placed on it was believable and well done- as was the loving and trusting friendship between Lily and Sirius.

I think this story was well worth your effort and very well worth reading!

- Deedee

Author's Response: Thank you!!

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Very cute & nicely done! You did a wonderful job updating a classic within the Harry Potter universe.

Author's Response: Hehe! Glad you think so! Thank you for such a kind review! :)

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I, for one, enjoy Harry/Ginny fics and have read many of them. I think you did a wonderful & fantastic job on this. It was extremely well written and you brought forth the emotion and pain Ginny was feeling beautifully. I have not yet read any of your other work but after this, I plan to, even though I personally do not usually go for those with a Hermione/Draco pairing.

If you do not feel this is one of your better pieces of work, then if I were you, I'd completely ignore anyone who maliciously puts you down in a review- this example of your writing shows that you have talent. Even with the sad ending, I enjoyed reading this story very much. -Deedee


Author's Response: Aww, I don't know what to say except thank you! I would say it a thousand times, but I'd rather not spam this reply. =P First of all, I'm incredibly glad you think so highly of my stories and writing. I hope you enjoy the rest of my stories! Thanks again, Deedee! ^_^

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You've done a good job of getting my attention with this first chapter. I think you've captured the personalities of Harry and Ginny very well and aged them nicely. I wasn't sure about the whole AU thing at first but you are making it work in a very interesting way. Plus I LOVE that Dumbledore is still alive.

I look forward to reading the rest as I'm thinking it will be a fun ride!

-Deedee

Author's Response: Thanks so much Deedee! I'm glad that this first chapter has captured your interest, the AU angle is always a bit strange but I'm glad you decided to give it a chance. And I hope you continue to enjoy my portrayal of Harry and Ginny, it was fun to get to write them as a bit older in this one. Thanks for the review and I hope you continue to enjoy! :)

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That was a wonderful alternate story of how they could have gotten together- I enjoyed reading it! Your description of what was going on in Harry's and Ginny's minds very well written (and very cute!).

Wonderful job. Now I really must read your other stories!

- Deedee

Author's Response: Thank you, Deedee! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the read and for taking the time to review. I hope you continue to enjoy my work! :)

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Your explaination made sense. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. -Deedee

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you thought so! The next chapter will be here soon! Thanks again for reading and your reviews they were great! = )

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U R definitely forgiven. Good chapter!

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you! Glad you liked the chapter! Thanks for the review! = )

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