Great chapter :D:D:D
Ron, bless his soul, is starting to grate on my nerves. I love the boy to death, and you've definitely got his canon personality pinned, because I'm sure that Ron would actually react to Harry being sorted into Slytherin much like this (even though it's annoying and he's being a thick-headed dolt... oh well..)
Caitlyn is interesting... I like how her and Hermione haven't hit it off automatically.. that would be FAR too Mary Sue if you ask me. Great job with their interaction.. I hope you write more between them :)
I have no guesses as to where you got the Geminus thing (seeing as how I don't watch anime) and I'd immediately though Gemini when I read it (but you've out the kabosh on that idea..) Hmm.. oh well, I guess I'll just wait and see..
- Terri Report Review
Oh, wow. That was brilliant.
I'm truly sorry for the late review... I've been MIA in the online Potterverse (save for TDA) but now I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. And, of course, reading your latest update was right up there :D
You know how much I love James' characterization in this story. How geniusly imperfect he is, how real and stupid and all around fantastic. And I think that his character really shines in this chapter.
It was so wonderfully sweet and romantic, but very raw as well, especially in their argument. Lily's behaviour and anger was very believable in the situation you'd placed her in, and I commend you, yet again, for being able to capture the imperfections in one's character to make them real.
A wonderful chapter, really and truly. Hooray for realistic James and Lily reunions!! *applauds*
Oh, and looking forward to the Sirius and James reconciliation. That's going to be interesting. And are you still toying with the idea of a continuation of this whole parallel universe? Or have you decided? I might already know but I forget (bad me and my vanishing from HPFF for so long...)
- Terri Report Review
Aww, I didn't just like it, I LOVED it. ♥
What a strange, messed up pairing... lol. At first, I was put off from reading this story, especially given how much I despise Pansy, but since I knew I loved how you write, I figured it was worth a read. Very very happy that I took the time :D
Ron was definitely Ron-ish (same as Harry! You got their relationship and the trio dynamics perfectly) and Pansy, while being likeable, still managed to retain the qualities that made her so haughtily annoyingly Slytherin.
All in all it was a great read, and just about the cutest thing ever. :D
- TerriAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I know it's one of the oddest pairings I've every seen...well, except for anything with Hagrid...but I was attacked by a plot bunny so I went with it. I'm thrilled you liked it! I've never really written much of Ron, and he was a challenge, so I'm so happy you think his character was right (and Pansy's too). I enjoyed developing her character because I, too, really don't like her in the books. Thank you, again. I'm very flattered that you liked it. Report Review
It was a great one-shot, really and truly :) Great job for a first attempt at angst!
I don't think that this is the stereotypical angst fic... it's more 'sad' than anything else.. but I see angst's qualifications within the story and they were done quite well. It's just that it's not as dramatic/pronounced as in truly angsty fics. (I've read some angst, but have only written one.. and that was a songfic, so I'm honestly nowhere near an expert in this department. lol )
The fic had a slightly poetic edge. Not that it rhymes or flows by a rhythm, but in the way you used imagery and the ways you strung words together. I could give you a bunch of examples, but I think the best one would be the last sentence. For some reason it just screamed poetic to me... the whole one-shot is in fact very beautifully written (how it's composed, the flow... thoughts, flashback, thoughts, flashback, etc.)
All in all, great job Lane!! I loved it. :D
- TerriAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, Terri! I see what you mean about it being more sad than dramatic, and I'm glad you think it fits in the category anyway. Wow, you thought it was poetic? Thank you! It's hard to look at my own fic and see that, but I think I understand. I like things to flow and love describing things. Thank you again, and I'm very glad to know you liked it, because it's so different from what I ususally write. Report Review
YAY! *does happy dance*
My face practically split open once I saw that you updated. I'm still smiling, in fact! :D:D:D
I love how touchy Draco's getting about Jade... smacking Blaise's hand away and everything... I can't wait until they begin the awkward 'I like you' sorta dance.
I also think Nott's character was done very well, him and Jade would be cute. In fact, I think Jade with Draco, Nott and even Harry would do for some awesome romantic complications... but maybe I'm just doing some wishful thinking here :D
The chapter was very friendship filled and just in general great. It's refreshing in its light-hearted ness in comparison to the last chapter... you placed it within the story very well.
And Jade and the trio finally got some bonding time!! Yay! Although, I do think that they're a bit less fun than Drakie-dearest. Hehe. Maybe if Harry put the moves on Jade (You should probably know that I'm a reviewerwho tends to hint towards ships...blame it on me being such a gossipy giggly girl.. sorta... kinda.. oh whatever)
This chapter also got me thinking about the inevitable meeting that will occur between Jade and Uncle Snape (oh geez. that's strange to type.) I'm interested as to where you'll be taking that meeting, how serious it'll be, and what insight we'll get towards Jade's parents and Snape's character. I'm looking forward to where you take that plotline!
Um. So yeah. This review is all over the place, but we'll say it's not because I'm mental, but rather because this chapter is mind blowing. =)
If you haven't made it out for yourself after reading this chapter.. I gave it a well deserved 10!
PS. Hooray for the great shoutout! I think it's awesome that you appreciate your reviewers. :D
PPS. Another hooray for the great responses that you made in your Meet the Author thread! You definitely don't talk (err... write) too much about yourself. I was genuinely curious, and your answers weren't blowoffs, which would've made me feel kinda stupid for asking so many questions.Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad I could make you smile! Yeah, Draco is getting rather touchy, isn't he? He's so silly. I'm so happy you like Nott's character. I had so much fun writing him, Blaise, Draco, and Jade together that I feel a bit of over-indulgence coming on next chapter. Jade probably would go well with any number of characters (and I've concidered it, too), but I'm afraid if I get too much of that in the story it will push her over her Mary Sue-ish limit. Therefore, she will have to settle for Draco being annoying possesive for the moment. I agree that although Jade and the trio need time, they are significantly less fun (also for me to write) than her with Draco (and other Slytherins). "Uncle Snape" is almost as weird to see as it is to type! There will be more stuff in that area, especially with her upcoming detention. Anyway, thank you so very much for yet another fabulous review! You're the best! Report Review
This chapter has got to be one of my favourites in this story :D It makes me sad to think that things are kind of wrapping up...
Anyways, the beginning was HYSTERICAL. Cho/Ginny catfght, muggle-style, with Harry, being a boy, just enjoying the show. LOL. Loved it. It was very well-written too, fast paced and lively and definitely very imaginative. Eloise's one-liner at the end of it was also sooo funny and just closed the moment beautifully. Great job!!
The Harry/Eloise bonding scene somehow called the movie 'What a Girl Wants' to mind. Maybe I'm just weird that way :P But anyways, it was very nicely done - awkward, but with that family connection underneath.
Cho... well, we already know my feelings on that witch, now don't we? :P
I'm sooo happy that Hermione and Ron will be able to work things out, learning from Ginny's mistakes with Harry. Hooray for R/Hr and future stubborn children with bushy red hair!
And the end of the chapter was absolutely touching, and so sweet. It was, for me, the first time that the pain Harry must have been feeling from his isolation from everyone really hit home. It had that bittwersweet aura, and was a tearjerker, but a happy one.
BRILLIANT UPDATE, TIFF!!
- TerriAuthor's Response: First off thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am so sorry it has taken me this long to respond! I am really happy to hear that it is one of your fave in the story though!
I am so happy that everyone found the catfight to be humourous, that was really my intent and so I am glad it worked out well. It was really hard for me to write the action scenes though, just because it isn't something I normally do!
The Harry/Eloise scene didn't really form in my mind as a knock-off of that movie, but I do watch that movie often so I guess I can understand why it might mirror it a bit. Ooops!
Cho, yes, she is quite a piece of work, that is for sure!
Hermione and Ron will definitely be able to work through their problems, and of course they need that bundle of children!
I am so pleased you liked the ending of the chapter, it was really important for me to write, for many reasons, but I think it really made everything seem much more real for him! Thank you so much again for this brilliant review! Report Review
HOORAY FOR A NEW CHAPTER!!!
Rora's so much more cynical now, and I like the change. She's more independant now, more grown up and with thicker skin. And even though this might be hurting her relationship with Harry, I have to say that it's the addition to her character was a good call on your part. Yay for feminism! lol.
Aurora's a fun character to read, and I'm really looking forward to your next update!
This chapter held the same change theme and poetic quality that the other chapters had though, and I definitely enjoyed every minute while I read it. Although, the minutes were quite short due to the length of this chapter :P
Nevertheless, it's a great update!
Three loud cheers for increasing Harry Aurora moments and R/Hr moments!! Love those ships ^_^
♥ TerriAuthor's Response: I know, I'm working on the length thing xD Glad you liked it, though! Once again, you stun me with your interest in my stories =P You're simply amazing and an awesome friend ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Report Review
You stopped correcting the 'Horocruxes' thing after the diamond partition and viewpoint switch :) There are two cases where they're still with the extra 'o'.
So, anyways, getting to the chapter itself, once again you play the imagery card, and use it masterfully. My favourite was the green inkwell that reflected rainbows - that was so beautiful and poetic...
The chapter, like the intro, gives off the theme of change, and I'm so jealous of your ability to somehow carry a mood like that within a story. It's so much harder than including a humourous theme, or a romantic theme, because it's more subtle. You've got some mad writing skills. :P
I'm hoping sooo badly that Harry and Rora get together again. They were honestly so perfect for eachother. And it made me kinda swoon a little when Harry, despite having been an idiot and breaking up with Rora two years previous, recognized her by something like her walk. I want a boy to know me so well that he recognises my walk *sighs*
Also, the interaction between Parvarti and Hermione was sooo funny and held the kind of scathing-ness that the R/Hr arguments have, which was truly a joy to read.
♥ TerriAuthor's Response: Ahhhh! Horcrux spelling strikes again xD I'll fix it ASAP. You know, I think maybe J.K. Rowling should just change the spelling for me . . . my way seems much cooler, doesn't it? ;)
Thank you so much for all the complements, I'm grinning from ear to ear (but what's new). You're much to sweet xD And I'm glad you liked it, too, your opinion means a TON to me. If you didn't like something I'd have to trash it, lol ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Report Review
Hello, Lina dear! I've come to re-review your fabulous first chapter, after you (le shock) deleted this story earlier.
Okay, so, even though I've read this before, I am still marvelling at how much better your writing has gotten since the previous story. It wasn't bad before, definitely not hair-pulling-out worthy :P, but now there's just a sense of poetic-ness (I know it's not a word... bear with me) in your writing that makes the descriptions so much more beautiful and vivid.
Rora's observations, from the blowing candy wrappers, to the dancing leaves, to the rain, are all excellent examples of wonderfully written imagery. They all also give off a sense of change, which is a common theme within the whole chapter and necessary since Rora is a starkly different character than whom she was in the previous story. The little inanimate details revolving around change emphasize the theme and enhance the chapter. If you can't tell already - I loved them. ♥
This is honestly a great introduction, one of the better ones I've ever read. It establishes what has changed without shoving the information down our throats. I still can't get over how different things are since 'A new Beginning' left off - different, but not in a bad way. There's a more... mature sound to this chapter, helped by how your writing has grown since ANB. Aurora, older, is less innocent, less impressionable, and definitely a slight more wise. I love her all the more for it.
Great vocabulary use too by the way, the whole chapter just gave seemed to say 'look at me! I'm eloquent.'
PS. Hate Cho, indeed. * shakes fist at powdery faced Harry-leech *Author's Response: Haha, I'm so terrible to poor Cho =D She probably doesn't deserve it, but I've always found her a bit annoying xD
I'm so happy to hear that my writing improved since the yuckiness of ANB ^_^ I think writing so much is helping me . . . practice makes perfect, I suppose. And imagery has become increasingly important to me, I want the reader to be able to actually understand what characters are seeing, feeling, and going through.
One of the majopr themes (for me, at least) in ANB was loss, and I felt that too many fanfics overlook how traumatic losing someone actually is. It's important to get certain feelings right.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Lina Report Review
Blair is going to have a complete meltdown soon, and I don't think any good is going to come out of it. *shakes head sadly*
Poor, poor, Oliver. I want to just hug him and make him feel better. I understand why Blair had to shut him down - but still... *sigh*. Any chance you can stick a fangirl in named Terri who'll snog Oliver senseless? lol.
Riley - man he's a loose canon. Violent too. And a right brute. He reminds me a lot of Malfoy, only less evil. But the temperament is still there. Jacey made me smile when she told him off like she did - I think there's some tension between those two. As in, maybe she likes him but thinks he's an imbecile. And... while I'm at it I'll shoot off a couple more romantic predictions/wild guesses. Riley, harboring a crush for Blair, will see her meltdown and kiss her. The kiss will be seen by Jacey, who will throw a fit and smack Riley upside the head and get Blair fired. Oliver, with nobody to love anymore, will turn to his many fangirls cheering on the side and pick out a lone girl by the name of Terri and together, Terri and Oliver will live happily ever after.
What? No? Well it could happen... :D
I also really liked the contrast you had with the other chapter in having Blair hate the rain. We'd just read that Oliver loved it, and the opposite-ness of it all shows how mis-matched they are and how Oliver belongs with a girl who likes rain, like me. (No? It doesn't? Darn.)
Anyways, great update. The interaction between Riley and Blair was wonderfully written, and you conveyed Blair's frustrations in a very poetic way that somehow emphasized how confused she was. The writing style at the end, with all the questions, was executed very nicely and you shouldn't change it, ever.
Wow. This review is all over the place. Sorry about that... I'm in a strange mood that's kind of giddy since I still need to read the latest Aurora trilogy chapter.
PS. Three references, now four, to Me/Oliver action in a single review. Must be a record. :PAuthor's Response: TERRI YOU ARE CRAZYYYYY!!!! That's probably the longest review anyone's ever left me . . . ahhhhh, I love you =P
Hey, maybe I'll name a character after you! I any case, this review of yours made my day and I can't stop grinning. You're the coolest, m'dear. Now go post a chapter to your own story! Report Review
FIRST REVIEW!! * does happy dance *
This is definitely the funnest, wackiest, take on the crazy Black family I have ever read. It was rich with humour and insanity and general drama - and I loved every bit of it.
A great introduction with at a good length to boot :)
So - this takes place the summer of Sirius' sixth year, eh? I'm excited to see what canon twists you're going to make in order to make way for Andromeda's influence. The Marauder's map thing was genius, and I honestly can't wait to see what else you've imagined for Andy here.
She really is quite the drama queen, isn't she? lol
I found a small grammatical mistake: I considered that for a few seconds before steadily shaking my head. “No. I want it to remind my sister of what she's become and what she's doing.” She swallowed, trying hard to keep my tears at bay. I didn't want to cry, not in front of Sirius. He was like a brother to me and if he thought I was hurt I knew he'd do something stupid. I couldn't afford to take that risk, not for either of us.. The 'she' should be an 'I'. :) There are also some small canon inconsistencies regarding the Black sisters ages, but I think that can be overlooked since it's really minor.
This fic has some great originality and boatloads of potential. The bat uncle has got to be my favourite, though. Takes batty to a new level, doesn't it? :D
Congrats for the second time on making Trusted status! You totally deserve it Lina!
Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much Terri Report Review
Hey there! In the other information in your banner request you told me to check out your story to get a better grasp of it, and so, here I am :)
This was a nice introduction to the story, you didn't fall into the trap some writers fall into when introducing OCs - a large paragraph talking about the character's appearance and generally giving their life biography. Kudos on Gemma's character - she seems very much the daughter of a Marauder.
I have a few suggestions for you constructively, though. Feel free to disregard them, a they're my personal opinion, but you might find them helpful. Try not to over-use words; the constant repitition of 'bits' for example gets a bit tired, and lacks its humourous lustre after a while. Also, watch your formatting. Dialogue should start on a new line every time person speaking switches. You did a great job of this early in the chapter, but started stopping as the chapter progressed (for a specific example, the last paragraph in which an entire conversation between Remus and Gemma occurs, without a single new line). Editing the format will make the chapter much easier to read, and give the story a less rushed appearance. One final thing is to watch capitalization - many of the names within the chapter weren't capitalized.
All of the thngs I mentioned in the previous paragraph could be fixed by getting a beta to check over your work. I suggest going onto the HPFF forums and trying your luck requesting the assistance of a beta. They really are life-savers. I wouldn't know what to do without the help of mine.
Overall, it was a good start. You established the AU setting quite nicely, although you should probably add an Author's Note telling us what happened to Voldemort/Peter Pettigrew/Dumbledore/Hogwarts, etc - it would clear things up considerably. The originality of your idea of a sex-changing potion was refreshing and funny, there's a lot of potential in this story.
I'll get to work on your banner now. :)
- TerriAuthor's Response: thankyou very much for the feedback, I'll try and find a beta soon. by the way, thankyou for the banner, its really good Report Review
For some reason, the last line of your author's note made me laugh. O.o It's a very 'because I said so' kinda line, and I just found it really funny. I'm weird that way :D
I liked this chapter, and think it's like a breath of fresh air after all the ANGST from the last one.
It gave us a chance to glimpse James and Lily during a rarely seen (well, at least for me... maybe I don't read enough or something) time period - after hogwarts, yet before Harry and marraige. You've once again taken the traditional depiction of their relationship and twisted it so that it's more real and has more depth. You've bonked me over the head with yet another James/Lily relationship factor that is highly plausible but something I would have never thought to associate with their relationship - a cheating James. It does happen in real life, but it would have never occurred to me if you hadn't wrote it. First the abortion thing, now this... you're making me feel like I'm a complete dunderhead to have never considered these things before! Sadly, I've just realized that I'm one of those idealists who've imagined James and Lily to be in the perfect romance. *smacks forehead*
This story, in addition to having made me laugh, cry, think, and fall into awed stupors, has now given me a James and Lily epiphany. You ought to be proud. :P
On the forums, Kay (at least, I think it was Kay.. I'm too lazy to check) said something about you being recognised as one of the great James/Lily writers. I can definitely see how that reputation came to be. In fact, expect some reviews from me for your other James/Lily fic in the near future. I've gotten all curious now. lol.
- TerriAuthor's Response: I think I was very tired when I added this chapter. It's possibly not a good sign that I don't even remember adding it!
You're right about there not being a lot of material on the period between Hogwarts and marriage (most of the stuff out focuses on their schooling years and I get the feeling people plan to write their entire life story and then get lost in what a huge task it is...um...like me). I really, really think it's interesting they got married so young and exploring that idea of marriage in war, of teenaged marriages is really very interesting and if they just happen to be HP characters so be it.
A cheating James...well...perhaps I'm just going off my own experience, but things do happen when you're young and it doesn't make you a bad person, just stupid and incapable of making adult decisions. I'm not trying to be sensationalist with a new drama every week, but to me it kind of seemed natural that something like this would happen...James seemed like such a self involved character and I could see him doing something like that and really messing things up. I hadn't considered any of these things until I started writing them after Hogwarts (in NFA there's really not so much drama, it's very standard I think...please don't feel you have to read it, I was young and my ideas have changed a lot since then) but then I started thinking about things and what a stressful situation it would have been and how I'm 21 and a steady relationship is seriously the scariest thing in the world, forget about marriage. I don't think there's anything wrong with idealising the James/Lily romance, but I did want to play around with it a bit.
Thank you again, so very, very much for reviewing. You already know what your reviews give to me as a writer, so...yeah. You are made of awesome, Terri. Report Review
This has got to be the best, twisted, dramatic, Draco/Ginny fic ever. I am honestly obsessed.
The dynamics you have going on are just so high school drama cruel, and in the best way possible.
The plot twists and turns, making the reader want to turn away from the screen in shame for Ginny, but also making the reader keep going because it is just so riveting and addictive.
Like a really good bit of gossip, that's what this fic is.
Honestly though, your writing talent just shines with this fic. The way you adapted the Harry Potter world to fit the general events of Hana Yori Dango is seamless, the AU world making perfect sense and not like a poorly constructed universe to fit that of the author's intent (as some AU fics I've read have seemed).
The way you incorporate JK's characters into this world is amazing, and I keep marveling at how canon they are in a definitly not canon world. Hermione, for example, keeps impressing me. She's my favourite to read about within this story, the references to her arguing with Ron and the small bit of romance there keeps the reader grounded to the canon-world in this AU. Ron's glasses-wearing friend and Sirius teasing Ginny about his godson were also great canon links to Harry... it makes me sad seeing how different his life would be without a prophesy - he'd be unremarkable, unimportant, and ultimately I suppose, he'd be happy.
Okay, I'm losing track of my purpose in writing this review. I think I'm just rambling right now... I'm trying to make a review worthy of the just sheer awesomeness of this story, but I don't think I can. It's just too good.
Know that I'll be back for future updates! This is just so amazing..
Oh, and I'm sorry that my review is more gushing than giving actual opinion on various aspects and expanding. My reviews are typically a bit better at that, but right now, my mind is reeling at the bomb you dropped within this chapter and I'm more than a little upset at this beeing the last chapter you've got up.
Keep writing! Please god I'm begging you! :P
PS. There was a canon mistake in an earlier chapter that I wasn't sure was intentional or not. Ginny, while confessing her traumatic Dark Mark memory to Draco in the closet, called Charlie her oldest brother. At first, I thought you'd killed off Bill or something - but then you mentioned that there were in fact seven Weasleys (they only found six, so they were looking for Ginny, the seventh). The order in age is Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred&George, Ron, Ginny. Sooo... yeah. Just a tiny little canon mistake that I'm nitpicking. ^_^
PPS. 10/10 and on my favourites list :) Report Review
How do I always end up feeling like some sort of emotional wreck after reading a chapter of this story?
I cannot imagine how tough this would've been to write. I keep marveling at your ability to capture characters and emotions, but I think it's because I personally find it so hard - especially to re-create sadness and grief for a reader.
I'm crying again, by the way, in case you haven't guessed. lol.
I'm trying to find a particular part of this chapter that rose above the rest, that made me really pause and go 'Geebus, this girl is brilliant', but I can't find one. I guess the whole chapter is, for me. From the imagery of James and his peg leg walking with Harry, to a thin lipped Petunia standing in the gloomy drizzle - all of it just touched me somehow. The picture of Lily and Harry crying for his Mum - oh dear, that one hit home. It was just so vivid in my mind, and the tears just started flowing at that point.
I'm so happy that James and Sirius' relationship managed to get a little normalcy, not once, but twice within this chapter. First in the car, and then when James finally broke down and cried. It gave us readers a little hope for their future.
Straying a bit off topic, was the greatest band ever that James and Lily stalked through Liverpool the Beatles? I feel a bit thick asking this, just in case it was blatently obvious, but I wanted to just get a confirmation. :)
Oh, and even more off topic - you used widower! I do believe that I was the one that pointed that out in a long ago review. Clearly, the best part of this chapter was that one word. And all the credit goes to me. lol. *note my sarcasm* :P
PS. I always read your author's responses, so when you said that my reviews are thought inducing stuff I laughed so hard my sides hurt. You must've been a little surprised by how fluffy and nonsensical my next review was. *grins*. I guess my reviews vary on the mood of the chapter, or my mood at the time. Still though... my reviews made you think! Crazy!Author's Response: Um...is it weak to admit that I cried while writing it, not because I was touched by my own writing or anything, but I went to 'a place' (you know those places writers and actors always talk about and that they always seem to be very sad places) and pretty much wrote it through tears and let this all be a lesson you you all: don't cry after you've exfoliated. Ouch.
Yeah, I think there's nothing more tragic than watching a proud man with a limp. I've given one to Harry in another fic as well because I felt a need.
And I mentioned finding the emotion in the fic as soon as I got to Petunia, for some reason it was saying 'You shouldn't trsut doctors, you know," that got to me and I just felt bad for her and for James and then got to thinking about Petunia as a woman who lost her sister, the only living relative she had and even if she didn't like her, she still would have loved her.
James and Sirius will get better at dealing with each, I think now that James has had his emotional outbreak that this suit of armour he'd built up around himself will have a few chinks and he'll be easier to access. But, of course, because I like TEH ANGST there will be big scenes with them too, because I love them and want them to suffer.
LOL, yes, it was the Beatles. I was listening to the Rubber Soul sessions while I was writing this and falling love with the band and I know that none of them would have lived there in the 70s, but if I ever get to England, I'm going to track down all their old haunts and homes and annoy Pete Best.
I've been very concious of my use of widower, seriously: big help because now James isn't a woman grammatically.
Your reviews do make me think! And they give me a chance to narcisstic and prattle on about my work like it was some sort of literary masterpiece, so yes...thanks for that too, you are just awesome and stuff.
What a chapter.
This chapter just like pwned all the other chapters lol. It could have been longer *hint hint :P * but it was flippin amazing all the same.
Constructively, I think that some things could have been described more in detail or set up a bit more. For example, the Ron/Hermione thing about having children. It seeemed a bit sudden and out of place within the chapter, especially since there was little to no leading in from previous chapters regarding their relationship problems.
I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy that aspect or anything, I loved this chapter! It had EVERYTHING in it. Harry and Eloise's first meeting, an argument between Harry and Cho, Ron/Hermione development, and a FANTABULOUSLY written kiss between Harry and Ginny that had such a great lead-in and was so so so perfect.
But the trouble that relationship will cause... oh boy. I'm practically dancing I'm so excited for the next chapter.
Thanks for updating so fast! Take as long as you need for the next one, Merlin knows that you've been like the best updating author ever for her readers lately.
- TerriAuthor's Response: It was quite a chapter, thanks so much for taking the time to read. I know that it could have been longer, but I actually got sick and I wanted to give you all an update.
I am glad that you took some time to leave some criticsm. I will have to attempt to leave more detail in the next chapter. As for the R/Hr issue, I know it was sudden but I will developing that storyline more. This is the beginning of their relationship problems. I am so happy that you loved the chapter otherwise and that you enjoyed the kiss.
Yes, things are going to be complicated and I will do my best to make sure the next chapter is better. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! *HUGS* Report Review
YAY!! Another update!!
I was a bit angry with Eloise in her treatment of Ginny. I can admire her for going to Harry, and see where her arguments are stemming from, but geez what a brat. I still like her, of course, but I think she needs to learn a little more respect for her Mum.
The fact that Ginny kept documents for Harry so that he could get to know their daughter was so so so sweet. And, while its purposes within the story are clear, it's also believable enough that the reader doesn't think it's just for plot. It's something the characters might actually do.
Cho, while thankfully is not in this chapter, still irks me just by Harry's offhand musings that include her. I really hate that woman.
- TerriAuthor's Response: YAY!!! I updated again!
I know, Eloise is being difficult, but that is how teenagers act. I know she is being a brat, but on the other hand it is understandable considering her life.
I am so happy that you liked Ginny's saving of those momentos, it seemed like something someone would do, a way to hold on. I have had that planned from the very beginning!
Cho is awol in this chapter, but she is just biding her time, trust me she will return with a vengence!!!! Thanks for reviewing as always! *HUGGLE ATTACKLE* Report Review
ZOMG another chapter! I love you Tiff!
It's unbelievable that Harry and Cho have been dating for 15 years, but given teh circumstances, the unbelievable fact became believable. Great job with that :)
I am very, very, very happy with the anti-cliché ness of Eloise and Ginny. Eloise, because she isn't a ravenclaw, and doesn't have the typical H/G daughter appearance (ex, Harry's eyes). She also is an outcast, which you wouldn't think of a Potter daughter (whoa. It rhymes. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! ha). I loved the originality of Ginny in her career choice... not a Healer, that I've seen (albeit, this one has better reasoning than most), but opening up her own clinic with Hermione. I thought it was such a good idea!
You've also given this story a wonderful realistic quality in terms of new motherhood and its frustrations. I've never been a mother (I'm far too young to be one in my opinion) but the way you portrayed it lived up to all that I've heard about it.
Wonderfully spectacular uber-fantastic update ♥
- TerriAuthor's Response: YAY, I am so happy that you still like the story! I know it has been a long time for them to day, but I needed those fifteen years for Eloise to grow up.
I am so happy to hear that Ginny and Eloise are anti-cliche, I tried my best to make them my own! I though Ravenclaw would be a fun change and that typical appearance gets old. As for Ginny's career, it just seemed to fit, and I really liked the idea of Hermione and Ginny working together. I am so glad it seem realistic, as I have never had a child, and have no desire to have one anytime soon. Thank you so much for reviewing, it means the world to me! *huggle* Report Review
What is with you and making me cry? Geez lou-eez.
I just started sobbing when REmus started crying for his Mum. My goodness, it was just so heart wrenching. And plausible, and beautifully written, and told perfectly through the eyes of a frightened and sorry six year old.
I'm at a loss for words. I love this story so much... I think you've increased my love for Remus as a character tenfold. He wasn't one of my favourites before, but he's getting there.
- TerriAuthor's Response: I'm sorry, it was not my intention *hands tissue*
I am very pleased you thought it well told through the pov of a six year old, as it is not an easy mindset to get into. Remus has never been one of my favourite characters either, but I did grow closer to him in this, and am glad I could pull you that bit closer too =) Thank you for taking the time to review. Report Review
Okay, so this is definitely a late review, but better late than never, right? Anyways...
ZOMG HARRY YOU GIGANTIC DUNDERHEAD!!! I am sooo mad at him right now. Cho, I expected nothing better of the sleaze, but HARRY?! What the DEUCE?! Why does he have to be such a gigantically thick, easily manipulated, hormone-driven, BOY?! I mean goodness! Listen to Bill! Put together why everyone hates you! Write a frickin' letter to Ginny! * screams in extreme frustration and runs away from computer screen to sulk/mutter incoherent mean thoughts at Harry *
Whew. So, getting back to my sane side...
The chapter was brilliantly put together jumping from Ginny's POV to Harry's. The two ongoing scenes complimented each other, as Harry went from loving Ginny to going with Cho; and Ginny went from being indifferent from Harry to needing him. It's all just so tragic..
I'm sooo pumped to read the next chapter and see how little Eloise Hermione is doing more grown up. I was pleased at how you handled Ginny's naming of her daughter, how she made the child all hers and not an ounce of Harry's. From not naming her Lily, to not giving her 'Potter' as a last name, to even claiming the father as unknown. It was all so Ginny-ish to do and I'm proud of her, even if it's hurting my fave ship.
Brilliant update, and I can't wait to read the next one!
- TerriAuthor's Response: Honestly, late reviews are wonderful, they are a little present! You can review anytime you want :)
Ah yes, Harry gave into his male instincts, and went straight to Cho, the silly idiot! I know, if he had questioned Bill harder he may have been there for Eloise's birth. However that is not how the plot goes, so I guess I will forgive him this once!
I am glad that the jumping POV's were okay. I tried to make major events happening in their lives sort of play off each other.
I am excited to write Eloise she is going to be fun to tackle. I am glad that you liked how I handled the baby naming, that was the one thing I knew I had to do! Ginny is raising this child alone and therefore everything she chooses to do is going to reflect her.
Thank you for this lovely amazing review! I will do my best to update soon! Thank you again so much! *huggles* Report Review
OMG! What a fantastically brilliant chapter! Beautiful, touching, and placed perfectly within the story after the last depressing chapter. I've never given birth either (thank goodness since I'm only 15) but the way it was described seemed real enough to me. James was just so real in this chapter, I keep marveling at the realism of the characters within this story, but honestly they deserve it! James' emotions and reactions were priceless, his awe of Harry worthy of any new Dad's. I loved this chapter to bits, definitely my favourite so far.
Feeling like a prat, he leaned over and lifted the hem of her hospital gown. The incredibly disturbing image of a dark head of hair, streaked with bloody and some other horrible looking liquid, poking out from a place it really oughtn’t, greeted him. He looked back over Lily’s knees and grinned at her. “Has my hair,” he said proudly.
^ One of the best parts of many brilliant scenes in this chapter. I laughed out loud.
Also, the whole Flora the healer a.k.a the Evil Bitch Monster from Hell was priceless, and gave comic relief to the serious/giddy/terrifying experience that is giving birth.
I think I'm going to re-read the chapter, it was just that darned good.
- TerriAuthor's Response: Thanks Terri! Glad that I managed to squeeze everything in and that it turned out okay, it was actually kind of fun to write because the idea of James as a dad just fascinates me and actually makes me all clucky because if there's anything that will make a woman go nutty over babies, it's seeing a funny guy with a baby.
Many thanks for your review and er...I hope it improves on re-read? (or something) Report Review
Sorry about taking so long to review! I noticed the update, vowed to myself I'd read and review the next day, then promptly forgot all about it until right now. Oops. * blushes *
Your characterization of Dumbledore was actually very good, I liked the way that he was all apologetic and grave as he was in OotP and how a sense of his character was given through Harry.
All the words Harry could pronounce, by the way, was just ridiculously cute. I 'aww'ed out loud for that. 'Dor!'
I'm impressed by the relationship you've written between Sirius and James. The fact that they're not immediately back to normal is very real, and something I wouldn't have given a thought to. Great decision, right there.
Off to review the next chapter!
- TerriAuthor's Response: No worries, I always take ages to respond to your reviews too, so call it even steven? I always reply to you last because your reviews are thought-inducing and stuff.
Thanks for the support on Dumbledore, he's an utterly confusing character to write because his motives are unclear, same with Snape - you never can tell what's going on in their heads so I find it hard to connect.
Sirius and James are both very broken individuals at the moment, but I don't think that either of them know what to do about the other in their current circumstances. If it was a marriage break up, loss of a parent or an injury in battle they'd have a better handle on it, but this is big, horrible stuff and until they both come to terms with what has happened to themselves, I don't think they can help each other.
Thanks for reviewing!
Hey, I really really love this fic. It's fun, fast paced, and amusing with lots of different aspects that make it very original. I personally have never seen a Harry/Marietta fic where Ginny's an artist. Far fetched? Yes. Good Draco/Ginny? Hells yeah. :D
The Romeo and Juliet incorporation is honestly fantastic. It's probably my favourite part of this story, the way you managed to work in the Greatest Love Story of all time into Draco/Ginny - who by the way, are the perfect Romeo and Juliet. My least favourite part of this has to be some of Ginny's and Harry's actions. They both manage to irk me. Shocking that Ginny can since she's probably one of my favourite characters, but somehow she does...
Anyways, overall great fic. On my favourites already. Update soon!
- TerriAuthor's Response: I know you reviewed this over a year ago, but I would just like to thank you for your insights on the story. That's really helpful. I'll work on Ginny's character a bit. I wrote this a LONG time ago, so hopefully know it will be a little more believable. Report Review
Oh. My. God.
How could I have not read this earlier? And be missing out from such a gem?! Honestly I feel like I've just struck gold or something...
Continuing with stroking your ego - this is genius. Pure genius. I loved your Draco/Ginny fic, so I figured I'd try out this one. Boy, am I glad I did.
This is an AMAZING plot. It's clear and well defined, so it's not pointless, and there's enough twists and turns to keep the reader interested. Draco's characterization is amusing, real, and the best I've ever seen. Ever.
I normally don't like OC-centric stories, since half of them turn out to be Mary Sues or have ridiculously annoying names, but I honestly love Jade. She's a bit Mary Sue-ish, due to her tragic past/ relation to a teacher/unique powers/endearing temper/friends with both the trio and draco... but she works for me. I actually like her and don't find her obnoxiously perfect like I've read in other stories. Jade comes across as real, despite some unrealistic aspects about her, and that just proves some serious writing talent.
And this is your first fic?! UNBELIEVABLE. Mine was a hideous attempt at L/J that was so full of cliches that I had to delete it in disgust. CLEARLY, you are the better writer.
I hope this review has motivated you to get started on the next chapter! I can't wait for it... but even if it takes months, I'll still read :D
PS. You have one of Kay's earlier banners. I think, at least, because of its quality in comparison to her current work. I just wanted to touch on that since I find it kind of odd and really lends to your story's originality (it's vintage :P ahaha.)Author's Response: Wow, you can stroke my ego anytime you want! Seriously, thank you so much for your amazing review! I, too, am really glad you decided to read this fic. This one is kind of my baby - it was my first fic and clearly my longest. You have no idea how good it is to hear that you think Draco's characterization is right. I know how I imagine him to be and I'm relieved that's how he is for you, too. I realize Jade seems a bit Mary Sue-ish, but I work really hard to keep personality real and the reactions of those around her realistic. I started writing this my freshman year (I'm a senior now) and it's been a much larger project that I ever dreamed. I'm very flattered and honored that you like it and you have definitely motivated me! And yeah, the banner is almost 4 years old! Actually, by the end of the story it probably won't fit the story as well (I had no idea where I was going with this when I started) but I guess it does add another "original" aspect! Report Review
Very good update! A sweaty Draco, oh my!
I also think I could get used to this length in chapters... *hint hint*
MY new year's resolution: review all the updates of If the Ring fits! :D So you've got at least one faithful reviewer right here. But you have to finish it this year * wags finger threateningly *
Update as soon as you can please!
- TerriAuthor's Response: Thank you! :D I wasn't planning on it being this long, but I got carried away with the Weasley boys. I love them! And don't worry, I can take a hint! I really appreciate your resolution, and I can promise without a doubt that this story will be finished this year! Thank you again! Report Review
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