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Reading Reviews From Member: AbraxanUnicorn
  
198 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AbraxanUnicornImpose: Outmatched

18th July 2017:
Brilliant chapter! The scenes with Crouch reminded me a bit of the part in Silence of The Lambs, where Hannibal escapes in the ambulance by pretending to be a mauled prison guard - you certainly had me fooled to start with that Crouch was disguised as Eric, though! I wonder who he's really hiding as? Cresswell? Or Thicknesse? Hm. Don't leave us in suspense for too long ;)

Brax X

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Review #2, by AbraxanUnicornIn Reality...: { you make my heart flip }

17th July 2017:
Awesome chapter! Your writing gets better and better with each update :) Things are staring to hot up between Al and Hansika, which is really exciting! I can't wait to see where you take this story next, and I hope we soon get to find out what's REALLY going on with the Potters?

Keep the updates coming!

Brax X

Author's Response: thank you! I've been writing on and off between updates, so I'd hope so!

you'll find out soon enough what's going on with the Potters!!


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Review #3, by AbraxanUnicornWrong number: Third call

9th July 2017:
OMG, this is the cutest story!! I love the banter between James and Elizabeth, and the dynamic you've created between them :) I can't wait to read more - it's brilliant and you have me hooked!

Brax X

Author's Response: Hi! thank you so much!! the next chapter is waiting for validation right now and we're getting somewhere! ;))

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Review #4, by AbraxanUnicornIn Reality...: { god has left the room }

6th June 2017:
Hello :)

I'm sorry it took me so long to realise you had a new chapter up! I'm loving your chapter titles, by the way.

Heh! Hansika is one dramatic chick! From "lethal chemicals" in a school laboratory, to her excitement over grapes, to anticipating her mother's overreaction regarding wet hair - she's certainly got a vivid imagination.

I'm curious as to how and why Jamie and Lila are in the same chemistry class as Hansika, when Jamie is at least 1yr older, and Lila must be about 2yrs younger? Oof, they are so clumsy - or are they deliberately targeting Hansika for some reason? I'm kind of amazed the teacher got her to clear up broken glass; that would have been seen as a health and safety risk to a pupil if it had happened at our school!!

The Wuthering Heights debate made me laugh! Especially because there was no real reason for it to begin with (what does it have to do with Romeo and Juliet?) :D

Al must have been quite alarmed at the word "magic" but I thought he dealt with it well. At least one of the Potter kids isn't completely barmy. I really feel for Harry and Ginny having such crazy children :/

I hope Hansika's Mum goes easy on her for her wet hair. It's only water. How upset must she get if Hansika gets rained on, for instance?

A fun chapter! I look forward to the next one :)

Brax X

Author's Response: Thank you! I always try to make sure the title has to do with something I find humorous in the chapter!

Dramatic? That's true. I didn't even notice! I didn't really mean to write her like that!

I know why they're in the same chemistry class, but that's not going to be revealed yet. Later on, maybe. Ah, that's a tiny little plot hole. Of course, I'd assume that Hansika used the proper disposing materials. I don't think they meant to get Hansika in trouble, it just happens around those two. They really are clumsy, but they still manage to get their pranks to work out perfectly.

Right, that debate! It was inspired by real life events, and originally the debate had started because we were trying to see which one is the worst love story of all time. And it devolved into who had the worst characters. The nuances of real, witty, conversations are had to catch in writing, which is why sneakily left out a good chunk of the conversation.

Al is the sane one of all three. The other two just generally do what they want.

Really, Hansika has a bad habit of thinking the worst of her mother. It's all part of a bigger problem she has and Indian culture comes into play, and all of that.

The next chapter might be a little hard for me. School has just ended, and I get most of my ideas from all my interactions and happenings at school.


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Review #5, by AbraxanUnicornA Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers: In Which the Rest of the Story Is Revealed

21st May 2017:
I couldn't just review the first chapter; I had to check this one out too :)

I pictured the gold-jewel-fairy-laden chandelier, as you suggested, but then was told that Eloise didn't have anything like that, and I must admit, I was a tad affronted that I'd gone to all that trouble of imagining†a lavish light-fitting†when I needn't have. Still, it's a beautiful chandelier and perhaps one day when I don't have to spend my money replacing toasters, I'll have†one made to my specifications (a chandelier, that is. No-one wants a fairy-laden toaster, after all).

OMG, the paintings! Now that's a concept I'd love to invest in. All you'd need would be a one-roomed house, and the†artwork could take you wherever you wanted to go. Admittedly, it would be a bit of an inconvenience to only burn one's toast every 2nd Wednesday, but it would be a small price to pay. Think of the possibilities ...

I did feel for Ron, getting trapped in a few paintings (a yurt picture would have been nice, don't you think?), but it's marvellous that he had his mobile with him. I'm glad phone reception wasn't sketchy (I can tell†he's not with†Vodafone) and he could contact Genghis for help, even though he didn't really need him in the end. That was a nice plot twist, the unnecessary rescue.

Ooh, and it's a fake-dating story as well? I LOVE fake-dating stories. I'm really glad they managed to fake date and get married in the end. Oh, that's not the end, is it, because they go off and do pirate-y things with Dramione. Of course.

One thing I did want to ask - what happens if one enters a painting on a 2nd Wednesday but doesn't leave it on the same day? Do they have to wait a month in the painted castle? (Oh,†could Genghis Khan's emergency yurt service get them out of bother, providing they have a mobile, of course?)

This was great fun! I'd love to swap again sometime :)

Brax X

Author's Response: Awww! Thank you for the extra review!

Oh, I'm sorry about the extra work. But hey, at least it gave you a free daydream. Why not sell the toaster and replace it with a chandelier that has actual candles, and then if you want toast you can toast bread on a long stick by holding it up to the candle flames. Before you say it wouldn't work, would it be any worse than your current toaster? :P

That's a million dollar idea right there.

HAhaha! My mobile carrier is terrible as well and your Vodafone comment cracked me up XD Pretty impressive that his phone even worked in the 14th century or wherever he went, but if anyone asks for explanations: magic.

I admit I enjoy fake dating stories too, but it's such a trope I had to mock it :P

You should ask Ron or Eloise or even Genghis Khan about that, as I have no personal experience with magical portal paintings. I've never been able to enter any of the paintings in my own house - I just tend to get a bruise on the forehead from walking into a solid object.

Thanks so much for the swap and for the super kind additional review! ♥


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Review #6, by AbraxanUnicornA Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers: In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

21st May 2017:
Hey Kristin! I'm here for our review swap :)

I chose this story because I absolutely adore parodies, and, just like the last one of yours I read, it's absolutely brilliant and so off-point that it's perfectly on-point. It's full of genius lines, which any self-respecting parody should be, of course.

(I gave you full marks for the plot and characterisation, by the way, but I'd have liked more yurt, even though it's not the yurt's story to tell).
Draco's believable shift from Voldemort's bottom-wiper, to textbook muggle was written very convincingly. I love the reasoning behind his change of heart. The inclusion of toast, toasters, Dancing With The Stars, and dancing, was neatly done, and how he re-met and fell in love with Hermione Granger is not at all contrived, nonono. Toasters can be tetchy things, and I have much sympathy for Draco; our toaster has a tendency to drama too. My bread goes from not-even-warm to charcoal within a matter of nano-seconds, with the teensiest window of perfection somewhere in the middle. Might I suggest that Draco stands over his toaster with a hammer during future rounds of toast-making, ready to bash the eject button at the exact moment his toast is done? (I find that merely prodding the button has no effect). Or perhaps he can get his parrot to do it for him.

Viktor Krum's School of Dance had me absolutely howling; and I thank you for pointing out what a busy little seventh-year student Viktor had been, right? Not content with passing his Bulgarian NEWTs (or TPNTOHs - the N should be reversed, btw, but I can't find the symbol for it), on top of being a world-class quidditch player, he has to have a crack at the Triwizard cup too. Did he have a time-turner to fit all this in??

The shoe references were a lovely touch. I really enjoyed learning about everyone's footwear (what about the Mongolian dude in the yurt, though?). That Hermione's heels became higher and higher, yet she still managed to walk in them was incredibly impressive. That woman must have Achilles tendons of steel.

I wondered where you were taking this story when everybody decided to become pirates, but again, this plot twist turned out to be a particularly good one (more yurts, please), and I adored how the howlers were recycled and used as cannon material. (It was heartwarming the way that the yurt saved the day in the end).

This story was so brilliant! I see that there's an additional bit, even though "the end" is stated at the bottom of this one. Even when I think it's over, it's not. So full of unexpectedness - genius!

Thank you so much for the swap!

Brax X

Author's Response: :D

Has anyone told you that you leave wonderful reviews? Because you do.

Luckily for you, as you must have discovered when you read the second chapter, there is more yurt. Huzzah. :P

Very glad to hear you liked the captivating toast saga nested within this story, as well as Draco's choices of television and the very well contrived plot. This story was actually written while I was living in a place that had a dysfunctional toaster so yes, it is partially based on a true story. I feel your pain with the 0-to-charcoal in .2 seconds toaster.

Omg! Yes! That's so cool that you know what the Bulgarian equivalent of NEWTs would be. Does that language use Russian characters? And is that the direct translation of 'newt' or is it 'nastily exhausting wizard test' translated? hahaha I hope you don't mind if I PM you about this because I'm really curious about it now and I know you can't actually answer my review response :P

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked the descriptions of everyone's shoes. Of course, thorough descriptions always put your best foot forward in writing. #puns *cymbal crash* And of course as we know Hermione can do anything, even wear towering stilettos.

Yes I kind of wondered where I was taking it too. Glad it turned out all right :P

That was originally the end, but then everyone asked me 'what about the fancy castle? Or the yurt?' so I had to write a follow-up!

Thanks so much for the swap! :D


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Review #7, by AbraxanUnicornLemonworld: A Cracking Christmas

6th May 2017:
Hahahah! Loving the line "Lily had an excellent future as an exotic dancer and me as a middle-aged man". What a great Christmas scene! Now, never disappear for so long again, and please bring Scorpius with you when you return :)

Brax X

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Review #8, by AbraxanUnicornJigsaw: Piece #1

28th April 2017:
Hello Sian! Thought I'd drop by and review one of your stories for CTF #4 :)

The start of this chapter is packed with suspense; who is the man with the trembling hands? No wonder he's so nervous if he was anticipating the caller that arrived and cast the Imperius curse upon him. Wow.

That's one eye-catching news article! Godric's Hollow under siege from Garden Gnomes? Good grief! Is the wizarding world so quiet these days that garden gnomes make Prophet headlines? They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel with that story.

I love Roxanne's introduction. I mean, RW could stand for Rose, but I did read the brief before opening this chapter. The lovely description of the office as "the beating heart of the newspaper" is poetic, and your use of words here really builds an imaginative scene. I can almost smell the wafting perfume, too.

I feel pretty bad for Roxanne. She seems to have been given the same consideration as her ridiculous news article; unceremoniously stuffed into a little corner to either be scorned or forgotten about by everyone else in the office. How sad :( Perhaps her other colleagues treat her more fairly than Miranda and William, and, to an extent, Violet Toots. Speaking of whom, she's somewhat irritating and has a bit of a chip on her shoulder!

Ooh, so Roxanne has a man? Or does she? the references to "Daniel" don't sound particularly happy ones at all. And what happened between Roxanne and her brother for him to deliberately avoid her? Does Daniel have something to do with this? Sorry for peppering the comments section with questions...

Exploding teapot! Genius!!

There are a number of characters introduced here, but you do so quite seamlessly, and I love the balance between exposition and dialogue. Really well-written and intriguing chapter. I hope the flag is hidden in here so I get to review more of this story today :)

Brax X

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Review #9, by AbraxanUnicornI Choose You: 1

28th April 2017:
Hello again!

I wonder who the protagonist in this story? The opening lines don't give much away, but the Head Boy and Head Girl rounds, coupled with a mention of hazel eyes, then Professor Slughorn, then emerald meeting hazel, makes me guess that this is about James Potter and lily Evans, as told by Lily?

Gosh! The second section is quite raunchy! I must admit, I query whether Lily would be able to see how red James's cheeks are if she thinks that his face is too high up to see it properly.

I really like how the addition of song lyric verses break up this story into sections.

I wonder why Mary (presumably McDonald) would say that James would never be Lily's Prince Charming? Maybe it's because James will never be charming? But there's a certain charm even to Court Jesters!

The way that the story gradually grows darker is very nicely done. We have the happy section, where James surprises Lily with a house, then we move on to the next paragraph about the loss of a family. Has she lost them physically or emotionally? The song lyrics tie in really well with each section.

What a time to propose; just when they have escaped Death Eaters and Voldemort himself! I'm kind of surprised that James took the engagement ring with him on a fight, but maybe he had been intending to propose, they got sidetracked by the dark side and he had to wait until it was over and then took his chance?

Really cute ending! Ahhh :)

Brax X

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Review #10, by AbraxanUnicornThe Adventures of Lizbith Scamander: Chapter 1

28th April 2017:
Hello! I'm still looking for this flag. Is it hidden in here?

I'm so glad that CTF brought me here, because it's not often I find magical creature fanfiction! I must admit, the word "extravagantly" doesn't sound like a word that should be paired with unadventurous, but oh well!

So our protagonist, Lizbith Scamander, is departing Hogwarts via the Forbidden Forest, in pursuit of magical creatures, and disappointed by the lack of dedication and enthusiasm of those who went before him. I'm guessing he's a relative of Newt? I hope he doesn't include Newt in his thoughts of unadventurous magizoologists. I cannot decide whether Lizbith is brave or foolish to venture through the forest, to be honest!

Oh! Lizbith is a man? I'm so sorry - I assumed from the name sounding like "Elizabeth" that the protagonist was female! My bad (embarrassed).

So, Lizbith meets a female centaur. That's pretty cool, as they aren't mentioned much in fanfiction. I mean, they must exist, right, if male centaurs do? I guess they aren't mentioned for modesty reasons - what does a centaur wear on his or her top half, for instance?

I'm intrigued as to why this centauress(?) from the Forbidden Forest, in Scotland, would have a Jamaican accent?! That seems very strange to me!

I love the Greek mythology references, and the twisting round of the tales to tell an apparently more truthful version of the tales. That's a really nice touch.

Just like Lizbith, I too am wondering where the other centaurs are. Will we ever find out, I wonder?

Brax X

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Review #11, by AbraxanUnicornAs Starling Fades: Rumour Number 1

28th April 2017:
Hey! CTF #3 brought me here; there isn't a flag hanging out in this story, by any chance?

The title "As Starling Fades" is interesting in a sad sort of way, when I read the first section and realised the story was about a girl called Starling Gauntlett. She fades? Why?

Gauntlett is an unusual surname - is it a derivative of Gaunt, and she's related to Tom Riddle in some way?

I wonder why 'extraordinary' Starling Gauntlett is wasting away in a small flat, when she seem sot have quite a talent for singing and, if her awards are anything to go by, popularity too? So, she WAS married - does that mean she no longer is? I wonder who the "greatest quidditch player" might be.

Oh. It's James Potter. The first (but in an alternative universe), or second? I'll guess at second. It appears that she's still married to him, going on the next bit of information I've been fed.

Why are two such successful people residing in such a small flat? Is it out of choice or necessity? I'm also curious as to why Starling didn't take James's surname when marrying (not that he has to) but she's still referred to as "Miss Gauntlett" which I find a bit strange.

Bank cards have made it into the wizarding world at long last? I wonder how the magnetic strips cope with all the magic around.

So, Starling is shopping for groceries. It's unfortunate for her that she manages to overhear a conversation about herself. She's pregnant? And the baby isn't James's? Or is the latter a spiteful rumour?

Will we ever find out what happens next?

Brax X

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Review #12, by AbraxanUnicornLimbo: Calla's Story

27th April 2017:
Hello! CTF #3 brings me here, in hot pursuit of a flag! Is it camping out in Limbo, I wonder?

The starting scene of this one-shot is strongly reminiscent of that in Deathly Hallows, where Harry and Dumbledore meet. That, coupled with the title of this story, makes me guess that this is about someone's passing, am I right? I wonder WHO has passed away from the wizarding world?

Oh. Dragon skin suit. There can only be one person who is dead and that description fits. *Prepares to sob at reading about Fred Weasley*

There's a girl in this Limbo land, who I don't recognise from the description, so I'm guessing she's an original character, but what is she doing there and who is she? Has she just died too, or has she been sent to escort Fred "onwards"? The description of her clothes makes me wonder whether she's a character from long ago who has been dead for a while?

I love the description of Limbo and the line pertaining to when they both can leave the place "only when all our metaphorical baggage has been checked".

So, Calla has been in Limbo for fifty years and both she and Fred have unfinished business on Earth? I wonder what that could be in either case? Or are the two instances linked? Is that what brought them together here? SO many questions, sorry!

Calla then gives her story. She was an Albanian muggle (although I found it strange for her to be a muggle, yet call herself that, as it's usually how witches/wizards refer to non-magical folk), she died in the 1940s, and she described a forest. Uh-oh. I think I know down which dark path this is heading...

And, she encountered Tom Riddle. She fell in love with him but he would have never wanted her. Was it for her jewels? Did she have the lost Diadem of Ravenclaw? Will we ever find out why Fred is in Limbo?

Thanks for an intriguing read!

Brax X

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Review #13, by AbraxanUnicornAll Bets Are Off: Quidditch, Bludgers and Cartwheels

27th April 2017:
Hello! CTF #3 is underway, and there's a flag in one of your stories that we'd quite like to capture :)

Lexi sounds like a very versatile quidditch player to be able to fill the role of both seeker and beater at house team level, but despite the difference in physique required for each position, this ability is explained well with good reasoning. I love the way you introduce details about Lexi into this chapter without it feeling contrived.

OOh, it's set during the marauder era! I didn't read the covering brief, so I wasn't sure when we encountered James Potter as a Gryffindor quidditch captain, whether he was the next generation character, or James the first. But yay! We get to see Sirius in this story! That makes me very happy indeed :)

Tensions run high as there appears to have been an error of pitch booking, resulting in an argument. Blimey, Lex dealt Sirius a low blow by insulting his upbringing! I'm not surprised he's angry about that, but he should have taken the moral high ground and not tried to hex her; he's stooping to her level by doing that.

Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? I'm intrigued! OMG, it's Amos Diggory! I wonder what happened between the two to cause a rift?

Friendly match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw to settle the pitch dilemma and Yay! The Claws won! I am going to like this story, I can feel it in my bones!!

Ugh, Amos HIT her? Good old Lily Evans coming to Lexi's rescue, but then I'm surprised to read that Lexi thinks Lily would tell tales behind her back and thinks that warrants more violence?

Exciting first chapter :) Will I be back for more today? Let's see!

Brax X

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Review #14, by AbraxanUnicornHow to tame a Marauder: Return to Hogwarts

26th April 2017:
Hello! I'm here in pursuit of a flag. Do you have it, by any chance?

This is a great introductory chapter. Laura, the protagonist, is off to Hogwarts at the beginning of the school year with her sister, Beatrice. Her sister is starting 7th year and Laura describes herself as two-and-a-half years' younger, so I'm guessing she's a fourth year? It's quite interesting that this story begins in fourth year; usually authors cut straight to the chase and shove us into 6th or 7th year, where the teenage action really hots up. It's a refreshing idea to begin earlier, to be honest.

I love Beatrice's description, and we learn more about her in this chapter than we do about the protagonist. Beatrice sounds like a few people I know; incredibly intelligent and competitive, but socially awkward and unpopular as a result. I wonder if she's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum?

Laura doesn't seem to have much regard for herself when it comes to physical appearance. I did have to laugh at the sentence where strange behaviour at primary school and in muggle society was attributed to being Welsh and from the country!! The poor Welsh (and country folk).

There's so much going on in this chapter, especially with the introduction of so many characters, but you manage this really well, bringing in a few original characters, and the marauders. Poor Peter - he never seems to fare well in fanfiction :(

I struggled a bit to read Mary Mcdonald's dialogue to begin with, but as I got used to it, it became easier.

I can't wait to see where the story goes! I hope the flag is hidden in here somewhere!

Brax X

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Review #15, by AbraxanUnicornThe Next Great Adventure: Prologue: An Old Friend

26th April 2017:
Hello Kaitlin! There's a flag leading us on a chase through Gryffindor's authors, and I wonder if it has settled in here somewhere? It's about time I acquainted myself with your stories anyway!

Okay, so if the meaning behind the title escaped my notice to begin with, the opening sentences certainly didn't. Harry is in a bed that he's shared for eighty-two years with the love of his life and I'm thinking uh-oh. I have a sense of foreboding about where this story is going to take us, and I strongly suspect you are going to take my heart and smash it into a thousand weeping pieces. Thanks, in advance :(

That suspicion grows when I learn of Harry's exhaustion and pain. Being Harry, I'm sure he has a sixth sense about many things, and it's no surprise that he's aware of his impending passing. I guess, given that he's 103, it's not that unexpected, but, I dunno ... he's Harry, and through your words, I feel like I'm losing an old friend.

This line "he could feel bits of himself coming undone" is such a succinct and apt way of describing a lucid old person at the end.

I'm glad that Harry was surrounded by all his cherished ones at the end, and that he managed to convey how much he loved them. Especially, given that he spent much of his early life so unloved. I'm devastated for his family and the wizarding world (who are sure to greatly mourn his passing), but I'm sure his journey doesn't end here. I'm glad for his family's sake that his death is not long and drawn out, nor filled with suffering.

Thank you for such a gorgeous, heart-rending piece of writing.

Brax X

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Review #16, by AbraxanUnicornAll is Not Lost: Fancy dress part 2

23rd April 2017:
Hey, don't mind me! I'm just jumping around in this story, in search for a flag. I've a feeling I may be searching for a while.

Ooh, this is a cheeky start to the chapter, with a rather lewd Sirius. I don't think Terese is terribly amused, though. I don't blame her; she's been out for the night, she's drunk, and she's stuck in a lace-up dress. That's enough to upset anyone. She isn't pregnant on top of that, is she?Lily wonders the same, so maybe it's true. I guess I'll have to find out?

Ooh. I've obviously missed some interaction between Remus and Terese. BUT WHAT ABOUT SIRIUS?? Is nothing sacred any more? How could you risk hurting Sirius in this way? I'm a wee bit concerned regarding how unstable everyone's relationships appear to be. I have an urge to send them all to Relate for some counselling. Seriously, people, it's not a good idea to have feelings for your husband's/wife's best friend. Nothing good can possibly come of it.

Lily's description of the links between everyone made me giggle - there are some pretty complex ties binding this whole group of friends and relatives. If they're not careful, they'll all end up related to each other somehow, and that could make for an even more complicated scenario.

I'm glad to see that it wasn't a major incident between Remus and Terese, if they're each with their respective partners not long afterwards. And what a steamy way to finish the chapter! Oo-er

Brax X

Author's Response: Hahahaha I was feeling mischievous when I wrote this... without giving anything away, Remus and Terese's relationship is a theme throughout the stories...
But it is very complex by this point!! And yes, Sirius is very cheeky to his wife on occasion!! haha. But they do love each other!!


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Review #17, by AbraxanUnicornAll is Not Lost: Two years on...

23rd April 2017:
Hello!
So, I hear there's a flag lurking in one of your stories. Let's see if it's in here?

So, this story is set in an alternate universe, where not only Harry, but his parents James and Lily, also manage to escape Voldemort. From the description, it sounds like Voldemort wasn't defeated, as the battle is still on-going. Sirius is married to an ex-Beauxbatons student named Terese, and they have a two year old daughter, who sounds very much like a Daddy's girl if she won't eat for her mother but will for her father.

I wonder what Sirius is pale about? Or is it nothing of significance? He says it's from getting up in the night for his daughter, but is he telling the truth? Hmmm

Oh dear oh dear! Terese's Beauxbatons friend has come round and she has a confession to make - she 's had a one-night-stand with a married man. I have a dreadful sense of foreboding about all this, as I'm suspicious the married man might be a character we know and oh, it is.

OMG, JAMES POTTER, YOU ROTTER! How could you do that to poor Lily? Well, this is awkward squared with a triple helping of awkward on top, isn't it - James, sleeping with Terese's friend, married to Terese's best friend, Terese's cousin. Oh, um. And little Harry is in the house? What if he had overheard the conversation?

James being kicked out of his house by Lily is not a surprise in the slightest and he deserves nothing better. Poor Lily :( I'm gutted for her>

This was an exciting if harrowing 1st chapter. Well done!

Brax X

Author's Response: Bad bad James! Putting everyone in that situation! (This was originally for a challenge where they survive but split up!)
Francesca is very much a daddy's girl as I always thought that if Sirius had a daughter he would be totally under the thumb. Haha. Terese is introduced in 'To Have and to Lose', which was my first story on here.
Thanks so much for the review xxx


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Review #18, by AbraxanUnicornTwelve Steps from You: On the Train

23rd April 2017:
Hello! I'm here for CTF #1. We 'Claws are keen to get our hands on a flag. Is it lurking amongst your stories?

Hurrah, a marauder era story!! And already there seem to be tensions between the OC, Adria O'Donnell, and James Potter. Doesn't help that Adria barges her trolley into James, I suppose, but they haven't even got to school yet! You would think they could hold back their bickering until term actually started? I mean, they are all 17 going on 18 and almost adults..

Heh! The animosity between James and Lily, typical of what we know from canon, and I think it's well-portrayed here. I take it Adria and Lily are good friends? It's just as well if they have to share a dormitory, I guess.

Appalling relations between Lily and her older sister, Petunia! That's not particularly nice language, Lily, and sending your sister dragon dung is a little bit over-the-top, don't you think?! Wow. I knew things weren't great between them, but didn't suspect they were this bad.

Gosh. Lots of hostility in the first chapter. I'm grateful for the voice of reason that comes in the form of Remus, who is clearly trying to exercise some control over all these war-like situations on the Hogwarts Express. I'm really glad there's someone who isn't hated and despised by everyone else!

Hmm. Interesting nod towards Adria's vulnerability. I wonder what Lily could mean by that?

Great opening chapter!

Brax X

Author's Response: Hey, Thanks for reviewing!
Adria is based on my best friend (for an old challenge) so she's written from that perspective (so yes, she and Lily are very good friends lol) So they would have a 'your enemy is mine' type thing and would not like Petunia's attitude at all!
And Remus is always the voice of reason!! lol


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Review #19, by AbraxanUnicornThrill: Thrill

22nd April 2017:
Hey Sian!

Thought I'd drop by your author page and check out your new stories :)

I'm not much of a Sirimus shipper, but OMG! HOW cute are those two together?
The chilly beginning (Azkaban?) really lured me in, and I was wondering what dark and devious road you were leading us. You cannot imagine how delighted I was when the italics ended and Sirius's birthday began. I thought you said you couldn't write fluff? Hmm? All the evidence points against you, I'm afraid, because Sirius, Remus, the fry-up and the go-karts, positively overflowed with fluff! Snort at Sirius putting both legs into one trouser, and I adored this line which says everything about their relationship:

"they canít catch their breath to explain to the man on the desk that they have run through the night as wolf and hound, that they have duelled with some of the most skilled witches and wizards of their time and lived to tell the tale, and that a go-karting track is unlikely to pose a threat to them."

But the darkness was never very far away, was it? Here and there, we got little glimpses of it, and in the end, he's in Azkaban. :(

What I love most about this is the way you intertwine conscious with subconscious, and it's impossible to discern which one is supposed to be now and real and which one isn't, because they are both so full of vibrancy and imagery, both could plausibly be so.

UGH, I'm rambling incoherently and I'm sorry! It's a fabulous, twisted piece of writing which has messed with my sensibilities. Thanks for that ... ;)

Brax X

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Review #20, by AbraxanUnicornIn Reality...: { fresh pickled toads }

20th April 2017:
Hurrah, a new chapter! Thought I'd drop in with a review :)

Wow, Anjali and Hansika have quite the potty-mouths on them! I wonder what their parents must think of all their swearing?!

Lunchtime tables and the fact that people gravitate to the same place each time, until they think of it as "their" space - how true that part is. I'm glad that Hansika's friends didn't do anything more than glare.

I'm still getting my head around the plot, but I now have a theory as to what's going on. Hansika thinks that her Harry Potter books are entirely fictional, and she doesn't realise they are written about a family (the Potters) who actually exist? Although that doesn't explain why all 3 Potter kids are getting a muggle education. Hmm. May need to go back to the drawing board on that...

Hehe! I loved Al's playful reference to "a green pickled toad" regarding his eye colour. Made me smile. And Jamie/Lila's "yikes" expressions. I bet the Harry Potter references made him squirm, if I'm on the right track?

It's too early in for me to comment much on characterisation. Hansika seems quite confident in some ways, but also quite insecure in others. I found it sad that she seems to think that a boy wouldn't want to kiss her. Anjali seems to have a good friendship with Hansika, despite her being quite a forward, effervescent sort of person in contrast to Hansika's slightly more reserved approach to life.

Couple of bits of CC, which I hope you don't mind? There's a bit of a switch around with tenses from present to past and back to present again, especially in the first few sentences. Also, a "James" has sneaked in halfway through, I'm presuming in place of what should be "Jamie"?

Anyway. I thought this was a good chapter; easy to read and follow, and it flows well. Looking forward to the next one :)

Brax X

Author's Response: Your reviews always make me smile!

They do have a tendency cuss a lot, but isn't that what nearly every teenager does these days? It wouldn't be that uncommon to hear a bad word like that mixed in every other sentence.

I know! It's so true, and the commentary on that was highly reminiscent of what happened with me when I joined a new table to sit with a friend. It's unnerving how uncomfortable people are when a certain norm is broken.

Your theory is pretty on point, but I won't say anything about the muggle education. I don't want to give everything away.

The playful references and how Jamie and Lila reacted to that are both supposed to be a contrast to their characters, to how they both feel about their situation with their family. Jamie and Lila are both uncomfortable, but Al's comfortable enough to make jokes about it albeit having only a subtle connection to his parents.

I suppose they are quite like that. I don't really notice because I write them how I am with my closest friend. Don't feel to sorry about her thinking a boy wouldn't want to kiss her. Of course, she does feel that way, but it's not a particularly strong emotion, or a point of interest for her. She just feels neutral about it, and she jokes about it too. It's also how I feel about this too, since that comment came right out of one of the the things I have told my friends.

I will never, ever mind helpful criticisms. Tenses have always been hard for me, but I'll still see what I can fix. The Jamie-James slip up was a mistake, whoops! That's okay, it's supposed to be obvious who Jamie, Al, and Lila are, just not to Hansika. Poor her.

I'm glad it flowed easy, especially because when I wrote it, it came easy.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review!


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Review #21, by AbraxanUnicornOf Balls and Blood Status: Of Balls and Blood Status

19th April 2017:
Well.

There are tears spilling out of my eyes - because from where else would they spill? - and I am reeling in shock. HOW could you kill everyone in such a catastrophic, callous way? To be fair, I did not see that ending coming, even though I'm quite familiar with your parodies. It truly caught me completely by surprise. A meteor, eh? (cue shaking of head and a hint of wry chuckling, interspersed with sobbing, because I can't quite decide on an appropriate review emotion right now).

If I had to criticise anything in this piece, it certainly wouldn't be the intricate plot, or the well-rounded characters, or even the fact that Harry would have thrown his mentor under the Knight Bus (not just any old bus). The one thing I think this poignant piece of fictional genius is missing, is more onomatopoeia. Seeing "boing" just made me want more.

Awesome. Well done.

Brax X

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Review #22, by AbraxanUnicornOpposites attract: Ch 14: Rumors and Realities

18th April 2017:
Well, hello Angie! CTF #4 has brought me here :) A review in exchange for a flag?

I'm jumping right into the middle of this story, so forgive my bewilderment and expressions of astonishment where they aren't really justified(!) So, I gather from the evidence before me that this is a Draco-Hermione novel, and I've arrived at the end of a broomstick-flying session to smell Hermione's hair. I'm guessing it's Hermione's hair as I doubt Draco would wash his own barnet with strawberry, vanilla and rose-scented shampoo (or would he? Hmmm?). I'm not surprised that Hermione is irritated with Draco, because he is being kind of very irritating, isn't he? Is he going to be this annoying throughout this story because if so, I might have to get quite cross with him.

Draco seems to have abandoned his friends for Hermione, so I understand that they're a bit miffed. And, to be honest, I'm not surprised the rumours are flying - I cannot believe that this is just friendship either! It sounds like much, much more than that.

Just as I'm getting my head around the very, erm, steamy best-friendship of Draco and Hermione (WAIT! What about Harry? Why isn't Harry Hermione's best friend any more??), you then casually throw in Ginny and Theodore Nott. Blimey; this certainly is a bit of a post-war dating shake-up that's going on at Hogwarts! Are they learning to salsa?

I'm a bit confused at the next section. Hermione goes over to talk to Dean, who is frantically waving his arms about at her, but then she addresses Harry in conversation? Where did he appear from?

Harry and Parvati - interesting potential partnership there. Hermione was right; things certainly moved swiftly between those two. Gosh, these kids don't hang about in 7th year, do they??!

I wonder what will happen next...

Brax X

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing Brax. You have been very kind in your review even though this story is my worst piece of writing ever. I crack up every time I re-read this, it is really very horrible, and everything is all over the place, but your review made me smile. Thank you for keeping it light and expressing your opinion in a non-hurtful manner.

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Review #23, by AbraxanUnicornLittle Red: paint the world red rosie

12th April 2017:
Well hello! I thought I'd check out your new one-shot, and wow! I wasn't expecting the little note at the end! I think you might have made my day :D

Gosh. This is certainly a different take on Rose Weasley. I've read darker versions of her before, but I think this is the coldest, most devious one yet. Interestingly, she doesn't seem to really have a proper motive for committing murder. I wonder if she's like many incredibly intelligent people; bored and wanting to experiment/spice up life a little?

Very chilling take on a next-gen character.

Brax X

Author's Response: Yes I aim to please and make people happy, and I'm so glad I could do that for you!

Yeah, it really is, and it's meant to be that way. It's almost cliche in the way that I made her a murderer, and not some morally ambiguous character which are always more fun to read about. I think your observations of Rose are spot on! I didn't really know what kind of dark Rose Weasley I was going for, but this was the one that came out, and also apparently the one I was looking for.

I originally had planned for her to have a hit list where she murders all of her cousins one by one, but that didn't really work out. I think I like this ending better, where it's not really clear who or how many people she's killed, just that she has a numerous amount. It's a lot more chilling because who knows who she wanted to have killed!

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading!


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Review #24, by AbraxanUnicornDare...: Home Again

12th April 2017:
Hello. Yep, 'tis me again! Here to continue reviewing Dare.. :)

I wonder what the matter is with Aleesha's mother to cause her to appear skinny, ill-looking and gloomy? Aleesha is unlikely to know; there seems to be very little love lost between her and her mother. The voice plagues Aleesha again and offers some advice, which she decides not to act upon immediately. I really want to know who is behind the voice? It's beginning to bug me now!

Aleesha arrives home and goes into her room. I'm a bit confused by the description of the environment; spotless would not be a word I would use to describe a room with a thin layer of dust over the windowsill and books.

I had to laugh at Aleesha's hunger pangs - she always seems hungry! Is it a facet of lycanthropy, I wonder?

How sad that her father's belongings have been removed from the house, and how heartbreaking that her mother didn't think to tell her that she was going to have a clear out and prepare her daughters for the sight of an empty home. Does this woman not have a single maternal bone in her body? I don't blame Aleesha for losing it with her mother over this. However, her mother's reaction surprised me a little - maybe she does have an ounce of emotion in her after all?

But wait! There's an extra twist to this chapter. Her mother introduces Aleesha to Fenrir Greyback and tells her - dun-dun-dun - that Fenrir is her REAL father?? Holy Moly...

Brax X

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Review #25, by AbraxanUnicornDare...: Wait

12th April 2017:
Hello again. You must be fed up of me by now, surely?!

There's a period of undisclosed time between the end of the last chapter and this, so I'll assume nothing of interest has happened and Aleesha has been permitted to live perfectly normally, which must have been a nice break for her, poor girl. December in a castle the size of Hogwarts, in the highlands of Scotland, in winter, must be pretty Baltic. However, it seems a shame that it's so cold that the students are forced to huddle together in corners. Unless they are lucky enough to be huddling with someone they want to huddle with, I suppose ;)

Whilst Aleesha was packing, having eventually got the dormitory to herself (Lily being in the common room and I'm not sure who else she shares with), she finds the package that her father gave her, tucked into some abandoned robes that she stowed under her bed. Argh! I was hoping to find out what was in it? The voice makes a reappearance and tells her to open it. Is it her father's voice? No, hang on; maybe it's not, as it mentions that her father would want her to open it. Gosh, WHO IS IT? It's driving me nuts not knowing.

The train ride home with her cousin and the rest of the marauders leads to a passionate kiss with Sirius. Wow. She's brave to indulge in a spot of tonsil-hockey on King's Cross platform with all those parents around! Regulus isn't impressed by the scene, is he?

Brax X

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