Not bad of a story but a word of advice. You may wish to separate things such as conversations. Just by the first look at it, it seemed far to jumbled. For instance: Your beginning:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey harry and hermione" Ron screached "Oh god its ron"said hermione "Hi cool guys" Ron said. "uhg"hermione said and then she got up and walked away. "whats up with hermione?"Ron asked Harry. "I dunno, she has been acting strange lately"Harry said."Maybe its that time of the month."Ron said jokingly

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This should actually look more like:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey Harry and Hermione" Ron screached

"Oh god its Ron"said Hermione

"Hi cool guys" Ron said.

"Uhg" Hermione said and then she got up and walked away.

 Report Review

Another good chapter...looking forward to the next. To answer your question on what a 'Mary-sue' or 'Gary-stu' is, they are an OC that is equally or even more powerful than the main cannon character, they are instantly liked and befriended by every cannon character, and they and they always have the perfect body to make the opposite sex (and sometimes same sex if slash) suddenly attracted to them. They never make mistakes, say stupid things, or do anything wrong......they are perfect. So far I don't see any of this in your characters, which makes it still an enjoyable story. Keep up the good work

 Report Review

Pretty good so far. I like that you haven't 'Gary-Sued' your OCs at all in this. Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it. I have completed the next chapter with the exception of the Sortng Hats song. Right now I am rather tempted to abandon the song all together. Could you please explain the expresion 'Gary-Sued' itis one I am not familier with. Thanks.

 Report Review

I like what you have here so far, I am looking forward to where your going to go with it.

 Report Review

You're off to a good start here. Looking forward to the next chapt.

 Report Review