Fantastic story - it hit all the right notes of a great murder mystery and somehow you managed to fill it with humour as well. XD Good job. 10/10.Author's Response: Thanks so much, Molly! It's fantastic that you enjoyed this silly story. =D Report Review
I finally got round to reading the whole chapter XP
Okay, firstly - the conversation between Ginny and Tom was perfect. I loved the opening paragraph about the snow and their little exchange - it really seemed to capture Ginny's character and introduce us to her now, after all that's changed for her, and her characterisation was just lovely. You could see still a resemblance to the old Ginny we know from the books, but you've really shown how the battle and growing up has changed her - I love that you've made her your own and still kept her canon, beautifully done.
Moving on - I think the pace you've kept is great, interspersing the current happenings in the story with a bit of memory to give the reader a glimpse into her life post-Hogwarts. Love the bit about the ex-boyfriend who collected stamps XD
Draco's characterisation is spot on from the moment we meet him and I love their little dialogue, especially the shag/shave bit (actually laughed aloud at this). I also really like (and this is a technical thing, which shows what a geek I really am XP) how you intersperse the dialogue with longer descriptive paragraphs. I always find that some authors hold on dialogue too long and it stops the piece from flowing as yours does so beautifully. Also - the little descriptive details you put in are fantastic especially (yes, I'm coming back to this again) the snow bit. You are clearly a very gifted writer (this I knew anyway, but it's nice to confirm).
The last line is perfect. Just... gah - it's fantastic. It sums up the chapter and their relationship and the characterisation all in one. Good job - I'm off to read chapter two. Report Review
Beautiful, beautiful story.
I love the style you've chosen to use here - the zoom in from the details of the broom shed to the characters and the zoom out again at the end. It's incredibly cinematic and perfectly non-intrusive, yet still allows for the detail of each character to be put across perfectly. I think your characterisation is absolutely spot on and the relationship you show between the characters is just - GAH, I cannot even describe the perfection. It's beautiful. I love the detail, the interspersion of the timings and the dialogue. Everything hits just the right note.
I'm adding this (and you) to my favourites - 10/10, one of the best stories on this site. Report Review
That story was incredible. Beautifully written, heartbreakingly honest and just about perfect in every aspect - I applaude you. I adore your characterisation of Remus and the detail you put in was just perfect - it seemed like every single word had a purpose in the story, which I suppose is what great writing is.
Minerva’s eyes widen and her hands shake. Remus sees the sky in her eyes, sees the sadness, like rain clouds, darken the bright blue and he’s already falling away from her, from her outstretched hands that want to grab him and hold him (because he’s as much her son as they all are, they all were).
That was one of my favourite bits - I love the bit about them being her sons and the falling and - oh, it's so beautifully tragic for both of them and you've written it so well. I only hope that one day I can write this ship as beautifully as you.
Perfect story - I commend you. Report Review
A very good read.
I loved the pace of this story, especially. The use of formatting to leave a distinction between his thoughts and feelings and the reality was also very good. You have a powerful writing style which is intense, but not to the point where it actually draws from the story. I particualry liked this line: She was unclean. She wasn’t pure. She wasn’t his. I love how it characterizes Lily in Snape's eyes.
Well done.Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it, the pace was something that kind of barely registered but was actually important. Thanks for the review :) Report Review
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