Ooh! So angst! This was wonderfully written! Plus there were so many great lines in here!
If Romilda Vane were male you would have called her one-tough son of a bitch. But in truth now you were all true son's of the bitches, even the men.
Hermione had once called you a bitch, but she hadnâ€™t expected you to evolve into what you were now. But Hermione was dead as was Ron and half of the other Gryffindors.
LOVED that! And I LOVED the story! Can't wait for more! 10/10
RachelAuthor's Response: Thanks! I like this review a lot.
Technically I should have this deleted because it violates the 12+ rule of reviews by quoting my mature material, but I'm going to leave it alone and hope no one notices.
You don't know how hard it is for me to leave this. In many ways I'm Percy Personified. I want to go run and tattle somewhere. But I suppose all old Eagle Scouts are like that. I'm a walking encyclopdia of rules.
And I post stories with sex (horrors!)
But thank you for you enthustiastic review.
More should come in a week or a month or sometime. Report Review
Hey! What an interesting story! My interest is peaked! Up date soon!Author's Response: sorry for not adding my next chapter as planned it got deleted on my laptop so i had to re write it all over again but now i'm almost done with my 6th chappie so i'll b postin alot over nex week Report Review
I loved it! It follows the prequel wonderfully! You captured the mood in all its angst glory! ;)
You do a great job at capturing the personalities of the characters!
Really, this was wonderful! Author's Response: You really know how to make a person (in ths case ME) feel great. Again: Thank you for the feedback. Funny thing is that "Just... moved out" was written earlier than "You are not a Marauder". But it`s good that that`s not noticable. :OD Report Review
I was wondering what craziness would ensue with a title like "Siriusâ€™ Hair Problem" and I was pleased to see all SORTS of craziness ensued! It was a really amusing story! Light hearted and easy reading, which is always fun!
I do have to say I love your angst stuff the best. :)
Keep up the good work!Author's Response: "All sorts of craziness"? Did someone just call me? *looks areound searchingly* a well... ;P
Anyway: glad you like it! And I`?m glad the story was fun to read - that`s what reading is for after all, right? thanks for doing so and for the nice review! RB Report Review
I loved the mundanity of it all! It was so simple, yet an interesting insight into the day and life of a marauder! You some some very funny lines in this story! It was a great story to just sit back and enjoy and not become depressed while reading! ;) (Though I love your dark stuff!)Author's Response: Seems like my intention came through - I`m glad to hear that! Thanks for the nice feedback. Love it. :OD Report Review
Another great story! You are very creative with your fics!
I have to say the most interesting part (at least to me) is Draco's nightmare. It was very insightful, and I was awestruck by the last sentence:
Maybe, all this years, he had not been right at all.
So good! I am very impressed!Author's Response: *grins from ear to ear* A compliment you don`t hear everyday. Thank you so much! I`m glad you like it so much! :OD Report Review
Another brilliant story! The beginning totally sets the emotional state Sirius is in:
He sat in the coldest corner. He didnâ€™t deserve the warmth of a fire. Hell, he didnâ€™t even deserve the clammy cold of this corner.
I knew it was only going to get better from there! :)
Your characterizations were perfect, you captured the youth and pain of the mauraders better than almost any author I have read! Most people write comic stories about them, or fluffy love stories, so this one really stands out ot me. The intensity of the story kept me grasping on to each word! To every sentence!
Oh, and I LOVED the cryptic way you ended the story, and it almost makes me wonder if that wasn't what JKR had in mind about why Peter turned!
Great story! Really amazing! Author's Response: whoa, I`m a little overwhelmed by so much praise. Thausands thanks!
And I think I`ll leave it at that. You really made me kind of speechless: congratulations. :OD
Holy freaking crap! That was an amazing glimpse into Sirius' life in Azkaban! It was so dark and angst, vivid and meaningful! JKR would be proud!
Once or twice they heard him mutter in his sleep. Scraps like â€śnot Jamesâ€ť, â€śLilyâ€ť, â€śHarryâ€ť and â€śhelpâ€ť reached their ears, but being used to the madness surrounding them, they ignored it.
This is just one example of over a dozen lines that I thought was poignant. You're descriptions were impeccable!
Now, he sometimes looked up. When he did, the expression on his face startled the wardens. It was determination. A determination that should not, under any circumstances, be there. Just great stuff! Really and truly!
You had a few puncuation errors (hey, don't we all?) but they didn't take away from your story.
This was great! 10/10!!!Author's Response: *hugs her monitor* - sorry, have no other substitutes for you right now. I like that you bring quotes and examples of what you liked best. You`re a great reviewer. And I`M not only saying that because you obviously like my stories. Report Review
This is the best chapter ever written in all of Harry Potter Fandom! You are soooo freaking talented! When I first read this chapter it gave me goosebumps! You do an awesome job captureing emotion and that skill you have makes this action even more intense! the dialogue is perfect, and I love the feeling of camaraderie that is there between the "Golden Trio!" :) It makes what is happening to them in the present even more heart-wrenching!!!
I reread this, like, threee times--I didn't want to miss anything because it is so well written! I really hope that you add another action sequence, because you do it so well! You're a great writer Jaz! This is an obvious 10/10!Author's Response: *grinning* I'm writing a new action sequence (which you'll be editing by tomorrow most likely) as we speak. :) You're my fav review when you comment because I hold such a respect for your work, so thank you again, I'm so honored that you like this story!! :) Report Review
AHHHH! You know I LOVE it! This chapter makes me want to reach in and choke Draco to death--which means you're an awesome writer! You can make people feel what you want them to feel about a character and that takes skill! This was a very intense chapter and you did a wonderful job on it...I TOTALLY cannot wait until the next chapter...you don't even know how excited I am for it!
Seriously Jaz, I think you are a great writer! You're so creative and you can capture emotions, and describe things so perfectly! I'm SO you're number one fan! ;)Author's Response: Thank you girl, really so much. I fell the same about your writing, which is why your comments really mean so much to me. The emotional stuff is easy. Piece of pie, if ya ask me, but I'm a psycho Pisces, and you know this. What you do in your story, your eye for detail, your dialogue, and your insane plot line...oh my God. I'm YOUR number one fan, so I guess we're even. I am totally amped for your next chapter too, it was my fav and I can't wait to blow up your comments page when it's out!! :) LOL
Later girl! Report Review
-In chapter 7, the whole Luna scene was fabulous! I loved it and re-read it several times! Oh, and "wyrm check" rocked my face off!!! HA! Also, if JK gave us more insight into Lavander's character, I think she'd be just like this! I liked the sorting hat moment with her!
-Remember Dumbledore, remember Cedric; but donâ€™t leave us to remember you. That was a great line!
-I really liked chapter nine's discussion about choice. It was really quite clever, Love is what you make of it. I chose you. You chose me...my point is when you make a choice things always turn out different. Voldemort could have chosen Neville, I could have chosen someone else and things would have turned out different, but my choice was you. You have such a way with words! Great stuff!
-I really like dhow you had several things going on at once in this chapter. It was a fast read and making a chaotic scene seem so structured shows your writing ability!
-Chapter 11 was very intense! You had my pulse pounding! There was so much action and new developments that my mind was spinning! I LOVED it!
-Chapter 12 seemed like it had a lot of research put into it! I really liked how you wove the story of "Four-Q!" It was fabulous! Also, in the next chapter, I think that is was so creative that you used a Japense Fighter Manuel and superimposed it onto brooms!!! Awesome!
-HOLY CRAP! The chapter 13 rocked my face off!!! It was sooo intense and the battle was very descriptive--very angst! I'm still tingling from the fight! Even though so much drama and violece was going on, you still had some humor, like the "candidate for the headless hunt" crack! lol! And then the twist at the end? Very evil, but I wonder if it may be foreshadowing a bit? Hmmmm....
Great story! You have such an imagination and you seem to be an amazing creative writer! I can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you for review. I'm almost embarrased by your ethusiasm.
I'm working on two chapters at the moment. If I'm able to post them by Monday, they prob won't be approved for about a week. I'm not going to make a comment about the foreshadowing, I'll leave that up to you!
I'm glad you liked the Luna scenes. She is def the hardest char to write.
Wow, so much angst! I love it!
I got Damianâ€™s body back to bury, but not an explanation.
Its lines like that which show your ability to capture poignant things. Very nice!
I do wonder if America would have a Minister of Magic. We have a different culture and type of Government. I think they would have the President of Magic or something along those lines. Just a thought!
Great story! Author's Response: Thanks so much! I like writing angsty stuff, but I've always wondered if I do it well. I like to play with subtlety a lot too and that can be just as tricky to capture. I never really thought about the Minister of Magic thing. He's not really mentioned in the rest of this story seeing as the rest of it plays out back in the UK. I do like that idea though. It would make sense. Minister of Magic--Prime Minister of England. President of Magic--President of the United States. Thanks for reading!!! Report Review
This is a great story! You've done a lot of research on the side which makes this story so much richer! It's very creative and full of twists and turns! It was exciting to read! I can't wait until the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Thank you! S. Report Review
About time they validated this! Sheesh! You'd think that there was an erotic making out scene in it or something! ;)
This story is just so good! You have such a way of weaving characters together and making their relationships with eachother come to life! I also love how you add layers of emotion and a depth to them that keep them complex! Thats what separates your stories from so many! And I'm sure that, even though not everyone leaves you comments, you've probably had tons of reads and now have a quiet and adoring fan base! You're awesome Jaz!!! And I'm soooo excited for your chapters to come!Author's Response: Thanks girl. Erotic making out scene? I would never write one of those. I hate romance crap. Don't you know me at all?
Next chapter is posted, and the validater I spoke to said editing it while it's in queue can bump it back to the end of the line, so I'm leavin' it be for now, and hopefully this one will get through quicker. They've got loads of stories though I'm sure...*shrugs*
So, thanks again for commenting, even though I had a pretty good idea of what you would think about it LOL...do you ever just want to scream out plot twists and sneak peeks here on my comments page because you've already read ahead??? Wait, don't even think about doing that....LOL
:) Report Review
I just love how you capture the little things! Every writer can relate to how Cassidy was feeling in the beginning of the story:
"...tried to write the same scene for the past half hour and was right where she had started."
That was just wonderful! I also like your play on words:
"'Claire!' He barked..."
Very clever! Great stuff!
You just had some typos but otherwise this was a very enticing chapter!!! Very well written! The memory Sirius had was very stiring and leaves us poor readers to wonder what all is going on! How cruel! (But I can't wait to find out!)
Love it! Nice work! Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm so happy to have a constant reviewer. I'm glad you caught that little bit and it's always fun to be clever. I know I have a lot of typos, but I don't have a lot of time to beta my own stuff. I know I'm so horribly cruel, but the next chapter will be updated soon. Report Review
I'm not going to lie to you--I'm sad that your chapters are so short! LOL! This is really well written. It flows quite nicely and I really like the ansgt you've given to Harry, it deepens his character.
Really well done! Nicely written--you seem to be able to capture the elusive feeling of loss quite well. Can't wait for more!Author's Response: I'm so glad you think so! I really like your reviews, it's nice to know what I'm doing right once in a while or even the stuff I can fix. I know the chapters are really short, but the story is really short too. It's only like 5 chapters and is more towards the one-shot genre. I'm glad you like it!! Report Review
Great introduction! It already has a nostalgic feeling to it mixed with a sense of loss and heartache.
Iâ€™m a writer and thatâ€™s one thing that never changed,
one thing I never told my two best friends, the one part of me that is mine and is not part of a legend.
I love that line. Brilliant! Its a great start to a very promising story!!!Author's Response: Thanks again!! I'm glad you liked that line because it was one of my personal favorites from this story. I was trying to explain a lot about the story in that line and Hermione's character since it's going to be such a short story so I'm really glad that you caught onto how important it was. : ) Report Review
Woo-hoo! This was great! You always do an amazing job keeping the characters true to their nature! You made it very fun to read! There were some really funny lines in this and you portrayed the Harry and Ginny relationship wonderfully! You didn't have them dive right in like so many people do! A great start to an interesting adventure--10/10!!!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, it doesn't hold a candle to yours though. :) Yeah, someone else complimented me on having Harry and Ginny fight BEFORE they got kissy-kissy, saying it was more real as well. I like makin' em fight, what can I say?? :) Anyway, really, VERY glad you liked it, and thanks again soooooooo much for your reviews! Report Review
I really enjoyed this chapter. I think that this chapter spoke volumes even though not too much new happened. You're a great writer and I can't wait for more!!!Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! Yeah, it was one of THOSE chapters, but the action picks up alot after this and doesn't stop. :) Thanks for all your reviews!!!!! :) Report Review
I like the plot twist and why we think that Malfoy gave Harry the potion. Great stuff! And, again, I love the depth you've added to the characters and how you made the fact that they might love each other actually have consequences and have more than one-dimension. Great!
If you are at a loss of what to write, might I suggest perhaps letting us know who all died during the war? Maybe bring in a couple characters (just briefly to see how you can mold them and perhaps how thye've changed) I would be greatly interested in that--but more so to see what happens in this sordid love triangle next! lol!Author's Response: Oh, there will be consequences. I'm no fan of love myself, I see it as a time-consuming distraction, at it's best...so believe there will be some pain involved in the affairs of our favorite trio. The war ...well, I'm still working on that chapter now, the chapter where Harry relives it...and I'm rather stuck. I think I'll leave my email on YOUR comments page, and maybe you can be a help to me with that. I need all the help I can get! :) Report Review
You did an amazing job doing this chapter! This would have to be difficult to write--balancing out Hermione's obvious desire, her confusion, and her logical approach to situations as well as the new "confident" Harry. YOu did a great job! It was so well written!
I've always thought that Harry and Hermione made more sense than her and Ron. I've resigned myself to the fact that H/H is most likely not going to happen since the onset of HBP, but now, no matter what, I can pretend that this is what happens after book seven...I can die happy! LOL! :)
This was an amazing chapter! Well done!Author's Response: AHHH! EXACTLY!!! People tell me that the H/Hr thing will never happen in the series, and they say it like they want to argue, and I'm always like "I know that!" because it's so obvious it won't, but after book seven well...that's a whole different ball game now isn't it? I began this story with Ron as actually being dead, (it was one of the only ways I thought Harry and Hermione might get together) but it felt too dark...and while I will probably go back to that one soon, I wanted to write something a bit more...sweet...I guess. I'm glad you like this, I'm reading your story now and I wasn't sure you'd be so accepting of a H/Hr story, since it's so widely viewed as off-canon. :) Thanks again! Report Review
Great description of Clarusamorum! You made me want to drink it!
I also really enjoy how you're portraying his fame! Witches Weekly...that was classic! lol!
Lupin was nicely portrayed--oh, and I didn't mention this earlier, but I love your McGonagall! She's still strick, but she seems to have softened a bit, and gotten a bit wiser. She'd make Dumbledore proud!Author's Response: Thanks! Lupin, yeah, I worked on him a bit before continuing after this chapter, at the advice of an editor of mine. But glad you liked him. McGonagall...I see her as being a great old broad underneath that strict demeanor, and now that the war is over, I thought she might be letting that side of her show a bit more. Not too much mind you, she IS McGonagall after all. :) Report Review
I really liked the Harry and Draco confrontation! Are you going to go into how he ended up not being sent to Azkaban? Everyone knows that he tried to murder Dumbledore--how did he escape the fall of Voldermort and become redeemed enough to be in society? I'd like to see what you come up with for it, because you seem to be extremely creative! I liked the potions you've come up with, the latin you've used--great!
Another chapter well done, and many questions left unanswered! Gotta love it!Author's Response: Um, well.....I don't really go into the Draco thing much, I hope that's not too big a let down. There is a brief explanation for it, and there will be more Draco "page time" in the future, which will answer some questions I'm sure. I love your reviews, really THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm off to read your story now, I have a feeling it's gonna be good, with the parts of mine you notice and like. :) Report Review
I love the conflict going on in Harry! I think you've kept true to the how the characters are at heart, but you've done a marvelous showing how they've grown and changed. Anyone who thinks that Harry & Co. would walk away from fighting Voldermort unscathed and emotionally unscarred doesn't have a good grasp of human psyche.
Great chapter!Author's Response: Thanks again. Yeah, I have no point of reference for descibing how one might feel after a war, but, I know one wouldn't feel like singing and dancing down the steet or anything. I'm glad you think the characters are true to form, I really tried hard with that. Thank you again!! Report Review
Great chapter! I read the whole story yesterday but I wanted to digest what I read, because I thought it was fabulous.
I love how you show how Harry and Hermione really care about one another, but also how something ins awakening within Harry--and I like how you're adding depth to this. It seems like alot of people only have the depth of a shallow pool when they write, but I like the confusion! Author's Response: Thanks again so much, your reveiws are making it impossible for me to stop smiling right now! :) Report Review
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