It's Spiderman, Obviously. Report Review
I can feel the sexual tension in the air with these two. Report Review
Please don't use the nickname Mi. I know sometimes writers do this to be a little cute and give Hermione a nickname, but it never works. I do like where this is going, though? Being cliche never works out that well.
I'll give it a 8/10 If I was ever mean please tell me. :(Author's Response: I know, I know! It's near impossible to give Hermione a cute nickname! Thank you for the compliment and the critique!!! I know I'm being cliche, in fact I said so in a response to a review above, I am trying to surprise you all in the latter chapters. You weren't mean, you were just telling me how you felt and I appreciate that! I don't want everyone to tell me that it's fantastic if they don't feel that way, honesty is the best policy and besides critique shows me what I have to work on.
Thanks for reviewing!!!
~Love, Zee Report Review
Another fantastic chapter.
10/10Author's Response: thank you Report Review
Wow. This is a beautifully written chapter.
I was a little confused though with these words: "...mild contusion..." Is it supposed to be concussion or the word you typed there?
I really like the prologue and the way you have twisted the plot to make Salazar to use a magical artifact as a source to stay young for hundreds of years. Making Hermione the discoverer of the mirror. Also, it was very well adapted how you made Godric into an animal instead of leaving into a human being. Very well done. I just wasn't happy with Hermione's love life, but now I get it.
10/10Author's Response: I will have to go back and re-read this chapter and check for that word choice. Thank you for pointing it out.
I am glad that you like the plot and hope that you continue reading. Report Review
This is quite beautiful. I thought you made Cygnus out to be a little obvious. You should talk about Cygnus sometime and describe him as a person. I really love how you put Hogwarts as a kingdom and the staff as the characters. I also liked that you made Orion loving instead of his uncle. In the HP Lexicon it said that one of Sirius's uncle was disowned for going along with Sirius. I forgot the name, though. If I were to rate this, I'd give this a 10/10Author's Response: Thank you for your review. Sirius's uncle Alphard was disowned but he won't really play a part in this story. Report Review
Wow. This was quite beautiful.
I am rather sorry it took me this long to review. I was at work for a month and now I settled things. So again, my apologies.
I have to say, your story is very beautiful. Although it is a bit Shakespearean, I hope that you don't follow the script of his novels but twist it into something of your own. You have creativity, but you might want to not get too cliche with the storyline. You have amazing grammar and spelling skills. This is of course the first chapter, so the more I read, the more I'd like to see more of your own plot.
I'd give this a 10/10Author's Response: Hey, don't worry about it. I totally understand about how life gets in the way of things.
As I said in my author's note, this story will definitely be my own. I just borrowed some plot ideas from Hamlet.
If you could perhaps PM me to discuss what sort of cliche things I should avoid, that would be nice. I already have a basic idea of how this story is going, but nothing is set in stone so if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.
My betas are to thank for my grammar and spelling, but thank you. You will definitely see more of my own plot, as I said, so I hope you find the following chapters to be more to your liking.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
but Hugo saw me at waved.
That bit needs to be fixed.
“All you alright? I’m really sorry!”
Another spelling mistake made. Make sure to always read what you write before posting a new chapter up. Errors in a story may confuse readers.
You have a very good chapter. Your use of words are incredible and I really like it.
9/10Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out those errors! I've fixed them and added the revised chapter to the queue. I really appreciate your help! Report Review
In this dialogue it seems there is an error, but it could also be me:
“At least when Slughorn was teaching, he would ignore my some of my ineptitude, but he had to go and retire.”
You should take off the my because it is rather confusing for the reader to read the sentence and think 'what is going on here?'
Also the sentence following that confuses me because I have no idea if it's part of the dialogue or you just forgot to put the quotation marks.
I could be wrong.
I would suggest that if you want to space out your chapters more, you can use the HPFF line that is there when you are typing out your chapter or you can just use the spacebar or enter button until you feel that it is spaced enough.
This sentence here needs a change of word:
"... you could have to work with Al Potter.” Change the could to would. It helps the reader understand the sentence.
Another sentence here also needs a change of word:
...white curtains the matched those on...
Change the the to that.
Overall, this is a rather interesting chapter and I adore your story and I will review the rest of your story.
Also, you get a 9/10Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for the review! I really appreciate you pointing out the typos you did. I must not have caught them proofreading
The sentence after the Slughorn was actually is just Laura's thoughts though. She doesn't say that aloud to Rose.
Also, the "could/would" sentence, it is supposed to be "could." What Rose means is that Laura -could- have Albus as a potions partner like she (Rose) does, and that that would make the situation worse for Laura. It's hypothetical, so it's could.
Thanks for your help though, and I'm glad that you liked the story so far! Report Review
Again you had a few spelling a grammar mistakes. There were a few errors in a paragraph with location. Whenever you mention a location of someone never put the word were. It's where. It's very similar and can be very confusing, I know. But always remember if someone is on a location always say where. Were is a past-tense reference.
I give this another 7/10
Overall, I really liked the suspense and the fluffness of the chapter. Good information usage and also great explanation. ^_^ Report Review
While reading I noticed a few grammar and spelling mistakes.
One of your dialogues "I just said that Tom" needs a comma when she talks to Tom.
"I just said that, Tom."
Anytime you are using dialogue of any kind, if they are speaking to one person always use a comma when the dialogue ends in their name.
Overall, you missed a few words and there are some spelling errors.
I give this a 7/10 Report Review
Wow. I really liked this story. It's amazing. I was a little confused while reading, but it could have just been me.
Sorry for the really short review.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks very much! Glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
Hahaha, wow. I really liked this chapter. It gives much more feel of how the characters are and who they are. I loved the flashback.
I give this a 10/10Author's Response: Well I wouldn't exactly call it a flashback since a flashback is something personal that a character remembers. This is more of an extended look into the villain's history. And yes it is extended because the next couple of chapters are entirely devoted to him. In fact as of now I believe there are even more chapters about him then there are about Harry. So if you loved the "flashback" like you said you should like the rest of his story. Thanks a lot.
Mike! Report Review
There are a few spelling errors. I really like the way this story is going so far. The theme is very specific and the plot thickens throughout the story.
I give this a 10/10Author's Response: That's great. Love your reviews. Thanks a lot.
Mike! Report Review
Aw, that was a lovely story. I adore the use of your vocabulary in this one-shot.
I have nothing bad to say, though. :( I'm such a horrible reviewer.
I'll give this a 10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much for the lovely review, I'm glad you enjoyed my story :) Report Review
Hahaha, Cardiff. The town where they film it. I love it.
You have a few spelling mistakes, darling. Try to correct those. Also, try to develop the Doctor more into what he really is. Also, since it's Canon, Hermione's kind of OOC. She's acting like she doesn't know what's around her. It makes her seem a little Mary-Sue-ish. Try to fix that. We're not all perfectAuthor's Response: I love Cardiff!
Oh, well thanks for letting me know I'll fix them. and i'm not the best with characterisation but I don't think that Hermione would know what is going on. I mean, her house collapsed, a mysterious man appeared, she teleported and she is in a box that's bigger on the inside :/
but thanks for the review
*Jaz Report Review
I have read this chapter before.
I absolutely love the story. I'm actually going to favorite it because I love DW crossovers so much. I'm even making one myself.
You're doing a lovely job, doll. 10/10Author's Response: Thanks :) and good luck with your story, I bet it'll be amazing!
*Jaz Report Review
Wait.I'm confused. If Charlie was in his seventh year when he got killed, how did he have a son before then? Unwanted pregnancy?
Try to explain a bit more when you can. This is all so confusing.Author's Response: Actually it never says how old he was when he died. He made the horcrux in his seventh year but he doesn't mention when he tried to reverse it. But if you were smart enough to pick up that oddity then kudos to you because you are on the right track. As a story with plenty of mystery you should find a lot of things that don't fit and stuff that doesn't make sense. Those will all be explained later on but for now congrats you are a smart reader. I guess I will have to make my chapters a bit smarter now. Thanks a lot.
Mike! Report Review
Uhhh.that was a rather odd ending. XD
I saw some issues in your spelling in the first part of the chapter. You might need to fix that. Over all, the chapter was good. It was rather quick that the man left.
I give this an 8/10Author's Response: I see the mistakes now, thanks I'll fix them as soon as I can. Now about the man leaving: I was trying to keep the mystery while getting the reader a bit out of the dark. I didn't want to force too much exposition in one chapter and also the man had to leave to accommodate my story plans. Keep reading and it will all make sense. Thanks a lot.
Mike! Report Review
Oh snap. I hope no one dies. >.> Report Review
Oh my god! You're back! Yes! I'm so glad you are back, love. I missed your lovely writing. I thank you for not killing Fred. Or anyone for that matter. What I found odd was the identity of the Death Eater not being discovered. Or I think I missed it. Possibly.
Bu yay, you're back! As always, a 10/10Author's Response: LOL! It does rather seem like the end of the world, to see an update from me, doesn't it. Sorry I've made you wait so long! Real life was just so overwhelming this last year I couldn't get any writing done.
Thank you so much for waiting for me to return! And coming back to read again.
And you are welcome for not killing Fred. :) As for the identity of the Death Eater, I never said. I figured there are probably lots of DEs out there that we don't know by name. I didn't want to go to the trouble of naming one. I guess I'm lazy. LOL
Thanks again for reading! Report Review
O.o Oh, Harry, what did Tom Riddle do this time?
Hi there, reviewing the second chapter. So again, the space thing. What is up with that? So much space! So so far, I like the plot. It shocked me that Ron is there. I thought that maybe he was being sent back to where James Potter was. Odd, really. Still, I like it very much.
I have nothing else. I will give this chapter 9/10. Get those spaces fixed, okay?Author's Response: Yes the spaces got it. Thanks again for your review. The plot I think is what keeps this story going because quite frankly I cant write a properly formatted paragraph if my life depended on it. Thanks a lot.
Mike! Report Review
Alrighty! Hi there, it's me Angie here to review your lovely chapter.
I gotta say, I really like it. Althought there were a few mistakes here and there("and ", "wouldn’t), I really liked it. I didn't like the space that was between the paragraphs, though. They were too far apart and it almost confused me as to where you were ending the narration. You also forgot a coma when you were describing Tom Riddle.
Another confusion of mine was the names. I understand the character making the potion was Tom, but was he making Tom Riddle or did he make another person? That's very confusing to me. I must be really dense if others get it but me.
Overall, this was a great chapter. I give it a 9/10Author's Response: Thank's a lot for your review. Yes I know there is a problem with the formatting but for some odd reason I couldn't fix it. I will try to fix it again though when I have time. As for the names its not meant to be confusing as much as it is meant to be a cliffhanger. The information given is that the man making the potion is named Tom, and the person that came from the potion is Tom Riddle. If you understood that then you are not dense at all(even if you didn't it still doesn't make you stupid). Now as to who exactly they are, when, why, how, etc you will have to keep reading. It might be a while before you know but that is what patience is all about. Thanks once more. Love the review.
Mike! Report Review
Hi there! It's me Angie here. Here to give you your review on the chapter so far:
Okay so you have a few mistakes. The story is lovely, but not really my style of literature. The character is too hyperactive and it just seems a bit cliche. I know some writers hate to be cliche and it does get annoying. I do love your character, though. It's humorous, which is a good trait for a story. I don't like how there's so much dialogue, but then again, it's your story, not mine.
I give it a 7/10. I'm sorry if I was cruel or anything. Just giving my opinions. :/Author's Response: Hum. I'm a little shocked that you find my character cliche since she's inspired from myself. Does that make ME a cliche? :/
Other than that, well, I'll review and edit my mistakes, but dialogue is what I enjoy most so, I probably won't change that, I might just add a bit more description in between to even it out. :)
And it's okay if you don't like my story! I'm a big girl I can take critism xD CC is good because it makes you a better writer. It at least helps you improve and gives you more meat to work on then praise-reviews! So... thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Richard's right, though. I love the story, btw. Report Review
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