So I'm not sure what prompted me to come check out a story of yours, curiosity as to the writing of the person who keeps stealing my title perhaps? ;) But anyway, I'm glad I did, I really enjoyed this little one-shot.I have little to criticise, other than grammar points which I am not going to pick out and list here, perhaps a beta specialising in grammar would do the story good. The small amount of dialogue especially a couple of adjustments, grammar-wise.Aside from that, I think the story is wonderful. The idea behind it is what I especially love, I think. Snape has always been my favourite character and I enjoyed this take on the way he treated Hermione; it wasn't something I had read before, but I could believe it of his character and in the way you wrote it. It was from Hermione's POV sure, but I felt it was a good representation of Snape too, maybe even more so about him than it was about her. Right from the beginning you set the tone right, recalling to mind the attitude Snape showed her and her own response to it.Hermione is written very well too, her determination to be the best, to get that approval from everyone and not willing to just settle for having the other teachers' approval, needing all of them to recognise her talent and pushing herself. I like the mention of actual application of the things she learns, as the important part to it and what she needs to do. That she froze in a real life situation I think was well done and felt real; that she then went on anyway after her realisation was one of the bits I liked most. I think it was testament to the courage she does have in herI loved the last bit, but it made me sad too. It was brilliantly done, to have that moment be when he rewards her, when she understands the value he has placed in her. It was the choice he would have her make, I do believe that, but it was one I feel would drag at her always, and probably harden her for the making of it. Even though the other option was not truly viable and I think she made the right choice, I still wish it could've been the other way, or there was time for both, but it made for an effective end to the story for sure. So, very nicely written, I really enjoyed this story :) .Author's Response: Hehehe...if Space Invaders wasn't so mindlessly dull I'd eclipse you in that too. ;)
As for the grammar, yeah, my beta tends to overlook grammar from time to time-especially, it seems, commas, I should look into getting one that specializes in that sort of thing.
The take on Snape is a fairly common one among HG/SS shippers (of which I am one) but I wanted to do one with that sort of attitude with no other relationship between them, just her realizing that he's not entirely awful, and that by refusing to acknowledge everything she did as brilliant she was forced to become a better, more intelligent person for it.
And she never struck me as the type to rush into battle, head held high like Ron or Harry-so often she's portrayed as rushing right in with both of them when I think she'd be overwhelmed-if only for an instant.
I thought the end might have been a little over-the-top, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. Besides, Snape had to die, there was no way, with the events of the sixth book, that JK was going to let him live, so I figured I'd write him a good, proper, touching death.
Thank you so much for your long, amazing, review! But don't think you can bribe me away from beating you, no matter how awesome your review is! Report Review
Ooo I loved this chapter!! It was a...calm chapter, sort of, but I just liked how Remus was written here. I mean, I do normally, but so many little things in this chapter made me love him all over again :D . I liked his remaining insecurity even now the fear that she wanted you only because she didn’t understand some aspect of your personality, and the funny things that made him like Tonks like No where in your progress out of the school – or back into it, when you realized you’d forgotten your cloak. I was also very amused by When you set this date with your future wife, your choice in location was motivated by the safety in numbers instinct.Now normally I just leave your typos and stuff alone, but I found this entertaining so am going to point out should have been an easy feet is the wrong feat :p .I really really liked the scene where Remus is looking through Dumbledore's stuff see him in a way portraits never could. His belongings, his angled hand-writing and his silly but oddly profound statements all lived on in these documents, that just made me miss him :( . And the intro to the scene about boxes was fun lol. I wanted Tonks to love it though, and damn you and cliff hangers :p . Great chapter though! :)Author's Response: LOL! Typos like that happen to me all the time :) Report Review
Yay, an update! This just fuels my desire to bug you for them though, you know :p . As always I love your writing!!! omg it's JUST like reading as if JKR were writing the marauders going through Hogwarts. You might be writing this a good deal longer than she was the HP ones if you're going to do all 7 though :p .So I particularly love how you're writing Sirius and Lily (I can't decide which one more so they get mentioned together :p ). I can see both Sirius and James becoming the people we saw in the pensieve quite easily, and even though Sirius is in Gryffindor and he is great and all, he can still be cruel. Lily is just wonderful, and I like how you had her unable to stop herself from asking questions, it could have been seen as annoying and I like that she isn't immediately perfect or anything. Also gives her personality. Am very interested in Isabel too.I really liked the moment with Peter lol, I've had many such falls :p . And the reactions of everyone around him were very real, could completely see the situation in my mind (perhaps this is what set me off daydreaming ;) ). Your description of everything is very strong and detailed, which is something I cant do myself but that I like to read. It was just a really good chapter and I can't wait to read the next and them settling into lessons! :)Author's Response: Hey PhoenixStorm! Thanks for another great review :) lol, feel free to bug for updates, I'll be returning the favour :p Wow, that is quite a compliment! Not sure it's true, but thanks :D lol, yes, i probably will be writing this for quite some time but I'm determined to finish it!I'm glad you like the way I'm writing Sirius and Lily. Yes, I think Sirius would have been a little bit cruel, after all he's only had his family for company for the past 11 years and we all know what they were like! lol, yes, someone asking loads of questions could be seen as annoying, does it remind you of anyone heehee Well, I don't think Lily was perfect, who is? You'll have to wait and see what part Isabel plays in this fic :)lol, poor Peter, I think he may have a few more moments like that in the rest of this fic :D I'm never sure about my descriptions, always think I've either put too much or not enough, so thanks :) Thanks for the review, hopefully the next update shouldn't be too long! Report Review
Ooo, exciting chapter! A relatively short review coming I think, I want to read the next one :p . I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I love the way you write the Order as a unit, in my Marauder fic I personally find it difficult to write the organisational side of things, and work out a hierarchy of mission setting and delegating, intelligence and all that. It's very together in your fic, and it is believable that they move with past experience of war.There were quite a few bits I liked here, so I'm just going to go through them in the order they appeared rather then try to put them together in sensible groups in paragraphs. Molly was worried more now than ever and, rather than asking you over for dinner a few nights a week, had begun delivering dinner to your office, that's very Molly and it made me grin to think of Remus so checked up on :D . Not only would you have been able to hear a pin drop. You could have heard the sound of that same pin trying to form a thought in spite of its status as an inanimate object I liked this phrasing, interesting expansion there lol.This needed a new paragraph I reckon “We’re going to lose, Lupin.” || It was a jarring realization to find that you and Mad-Eye agreed on something, more disconcerting for it to be a prediction of early and painful defeat He shouldn't say that! I'm wary of where you're taking this now and what you're going to do to these characters you know :p . It was effectively written admittedly. the part of you that had outgrown and colored over your own youthful indiscretions I just liked this bit, quite a lot, it's just true :D . So, really liked this chapter! :)Author's Response: Everything I know about war I learned from the History Channel, M.A.S.H. and J.J. Abrams :P Nah, that's not entirely true, but I just always had this concept that someone had to combat the notion that the Order was an entity moving about on Dumbledore's orders because, once he was dead, there had to be someone to organize everything and, Mad-Eye, being a character who was never as compelling as Dumbledore would, I figured, need paperwork :p He always struck me as the kind of guy - with his concept of constant vigilance - who would want to drown you in paperwork to make sure that everything was accounted for and recorded....
This chapter seems to have been amas with quotes that I liked too :P Report Review
Well now, aren't things moving! Lots more plot-centric stuff this chapter, and while at first I found the 72 hour leap a little jolting, by the time I had got to the end I quite liked how you'd done that. And also that you still somehow managed to keep this house hunting thread running throughout, which I think did enough to keep the chapter fluent and together.I really liked the two scenes in Minerva's office, especially Remus's musings about the afterlife seemed to suggest that, no matter the amount of magic a person could perform, the being of the soul – that couldn’t be transferred or bartered or moved or regenerated. Being ended upon death and that was that, discomforting but arguably realistic. It fits though, and it made me think how creepy it would be to be in that office everyday with all those dead people in their portraits, which is not something I can say I had previously considered.I liked the whole thing of Remus finding a solution, it was still a serious chapter, I felt, but you had a few amusing moment like One of them involved caged and chained dragons, though you suspected that might have been Charlie’s addition. Though I think my favourite is For the first time in months, both Ron and Ginny seemed to be thoroughly distracted from their respective melodramatic relationships *snort*.Tonks input was relatively small in this chapter, but I liked her You’ll think of something, Remus. You always think of something, talk about pressure! Sometimes that kind of faith is off putting, but I love the way Remus does indeed go off to make his demands of Minerva at the end. Great chapter :D .Author's Response: Okay, so the dead headmaster portraits - wow how they freak me out and always have :P How would you like to have every person who ever did your job hanging over your shoulders all the time.... *shudder* It would not be my idea of a comfortable office environment....
Anyway...I love Tonks, but sometimes when i'm writing I feel like every scene has her in it and, much though that is the only reason i started writing this (because I actually prefer her over Lupin) it's unrealistic to expect that every single moment of his life happens with her and revolves around her, so I try very hard (and perhaps sometimes over do it) to keep her out of things :P Report Review
*bounds back in* See, this is me catching up before you start updating lots to finish before the release, the queue is little, other stuff can wait, I want to catch up on this and don't plan to leave this chair until I am significantly closer to the end of what's up so far :D .I like this chapter, it was fun, and while I'm not entirely sure anything happened plot-wise, I like the extra look at Remus and Tonks and it's good to see how they've developed. I liked how you had them both out together, and the distinction you made to how she is with him not and not just standing beside him. You still have little sentences and bits that portray the characters so well, especially Tonks even though it's not from her POV, like Weighed down by dozens of bags and parcels, she seemed to finally be heavy enough to keep her feet on the ground without sliding and It wasn’t that bad! I know I haven’t driven in a while but I still passed my exams. I can imagine it being easily within Tonks's character to drive badly, but mind you, at least she's passed her test, something I seem unlikely to do in the next decade :p .Your least favorite part of the holidays was buying gifts I find this shocking :p . Gift shopping is the most fun kind of shopping!! I adore it, and while I am not made for the kind of all-day shopping trips half my friends seem to enjoy, if it was in the pursuit of matching presents to people, I'd last a lot longer :D . Wrapping them is also fun, so I reckon Remus deserved the situation he got himself into at the end ;) .I think the thing I liked most about this chapter though, was Remus and Tonks's relationship. It's easy and comfortable and they laugh together “Are you picturing him in a lacy apron as well?” She nodded as you spoke and her giggle broke into an true, easy laugh, and you make it seem so right when you say things like but the comfort of simply having her around proved too much for simple fear to drown out. I just like that; it's not overstated, but just there :) .Author's Response: lol, hey driving is hard!
I guess i always figured that gift buying would be most difficult for lupin because he would never have been able to afford the things he wanted to buy for people and when cost wasn't an issue, he would, at the very least, want to give them all something deeply meaningful to make up for his emotional ineptitudes and always end up feeling as though he fell short. Report Review
I'm feeling depressed with the state of humanity and human nature this evening and so turning to something I know - reviewing fanfic. There's an irony in here somewhere too, I know; I'm currently failing to appreciate it.Anyway, I know I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again before I reach the end of this, but wow I really love your Remus. He's dry and brittle, bitter even, but still strong, still human, and I love the way you write him, especially his sardonic humour. I think I loved the scene with Henry best, it made me grin all the way through really and you write little comments or create a thought that we've all had or that is simply just true that I find pulls me further into the story, like I’ll never volunteer for anything again and blowing into your gloved hands as if that actually did anything to stay the cold.I like the little introductory sentences that you sometimes do that never fail to entertain me Wind, you decided, was a determinately unapologetic thing. It shared that in common with time, at least. I just really like your writing I think, and I miss talking to you, but at least I have your fic to stop by and read a chapter of here and there of :) .The scene with Moody was also nicely done, and I could practically feel Remus's irritation with Molly and his patience wearing down into a foul mood. I'm very interested to know where you're taking this story, and look forward to reading more :) .Author's Response: Wait - pause that. Someone was feeling bitter toward humanity so they came to me to set them straight!??!!?!?? Clearly you are also feeling feverish...
Ah, oh well, I appreciate that you enjoy the non-sequitors I occasionally interject as they are one of my favorite things to write and I'm usually convinced that a chapter wihtout one isn't a chapter worth posting :)
As always, thank you! Report Review
Well first of all, I haven't done this in a while (review), so I may be a bit rusty but this was a great story to get me back into the swing of things! I really enjoyed it, it was very light and original. I don't believe I saw any glaring mistakes either (because I am quite persnickety about such things), all I got was a typo Seems life a fair trade, to me.I thought you began this wonderfully, starting with something generic and effectively zooming in on the focus of the story. I, personally, have trouble doing anything like this myself, I always leap straight into things and cannot seem to stop myself. Ad the way you moved from generic to specific neatly set the tone for the whole piece It is said that the only person who has actually survived the Avada Kedavra is Harry Potter, and Peter Pettigrew did not break this record.I liked that you kept the humour running through the narrative with things like The circumstances of this event are hardly important to the narrative of this story, and so shall be neatly overlooked in order that the true focal point might be more completely explored, and I have to say that as the atmospheric pressure is wont to allow totally made me snort (attractively :p ). Though I think my favourite part was Peter looked shocked and made a sputtering sound. “I know,” James said. “That’s what I said when I heard about it simply because I could totally imagine that.Your characterisation really fit too, I thought. There were perhaps a few unconventional moments, but mainly I think the characters were written really well with the genre. I think James was especially good, exactly as I would think the James that Peter killed could act. And when he said You could talk your way out of anything… justify anything to any teacher I thought that was a really good touch as Peter's role within their group is somewhat ambiguous and this made complete sense.The whole concept of the story is very unique too, definitely one of the more original interpretations of the afterlife I've read. And I thought you wove in the required quotes really well too, making them properly a part of the story so they didn't seem forced or out of place at all. And even the ending was sort of unexpected! So it all made for a great read, and you made me laugh which is always a good thing, really liked the story :) .Author's Response: I am very glad you liked that whole bit about not focusing on Peter's cause of Death... I figure that way the story still works after HBP... presuming, of course, that Peter does in fact die. *fingers crossed*.
Thanks for the review, and I am glad you liked it! Report Review
So I've finally made it one chapter along from where I was, and it wouldn't surprise me if you'd forgotten who I am, the amount of time between reviews *rolls eyes*. I am sorry I haven't been the most reliable reviewer recently, and doubly so for having been this far away from what is undoubtedly the best chapter so far! ;) I did really love reading this chapter, and you made me laugh at several points, Remus was just delightfully written here. You went through such a varied array of scene and emotions with him and everyone rang perfectly true to his character. The scene with Harry right at the beginning was wonderful, and you managed to make it poignant without going overboard. You kept a nice balance in the scene with bits like Taking a few cautious steps forward, you tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t betray your actual impulse – taking his wand and rendering him immobile. I really really do think this is my favourite chapter and I wonder if you can top it :p . I must also agree with Remus’s views on order, lol.Kingsley has also stepped up a notch in my estimation of great characters. You played that scene with him very well and I liked the interaction between him and Remus.The whole part with him going to visit Tonks’s parents just made me grin the entire way through. You had to sympathise with him and yet delight in his predicament. I loved how real it seemed with bits like It occurred to you only hours later that they might have taken your presence in the house to mean some ill had befallen their only daughter. In the moment, however, you could only imagine that they were aware of what you were about to ask and dreading it as much as you were. Of course the world will seem to revolve around something you’re dreading because that’s all you can think of and so naturally everyone else sees it in you and thinks it too; I love that you write things like that into your stories, in all likelihood without thinking about it, but still very effective. You wrote his panic brilliantly and kept it amusing without detracting from an accurate portrayal of his character. So I completely enjoyed reading this chapter and will try not to be so long before I read the next! :) .Author's Response: I told you I wasnt ignoring you ;) Just...putting you off, perhaps :P
I love Kingsley. I do. I loved him more before JKR made him Minister, but I still love him anyway and, much as my policy has always been, you can't hold a character responsible for the awful things an author may do to them :) And, as for writing a paniced character...well, i have some first hand experiences with panic, so i can't say its ever particularly far off from my own mind ;) Report Review
Naturally, when I first read the chapter title I couldn't help grinning. Even now I've come back to review (I read it when it was posted but have been on the busy side, which i'm undecided is good or annoying) it still amuses me, and that was before I even read anything in the chapter. I thought perhaps I wouldn't like this as much after reading Trust because I completely love that story now, but they're so different I enjoy them for completely different reasons and it's cool you can write such separate stories :) .It took me a while to remember where they were and what had happened (because my memory is appalling and this frequently happens), but then I got everything straight again and loved the opening to this chapter :D . I particularly laughed at the battery line, but that whole first bit just slips so easily into Draco's character it's almost scary. That never ceases to impress though, how well you write your characters. I also liked At least, it seemed, he would be able to wreak most horrible revenge on all that was ginger merely by getting up early, it does seem a habit Draco would be in.Ah, the cliches in this chapter, I loved them! The bit with Ginny was handled very Draco'y as always and I totally adored the part with the seer at birth and especially the comment about Remus! Though if this was in fact real (yeah, just go with it :p ), and Remus had been named before he was bitten the irony would be almost crippling.Now of course I must present some of the best lines in here as usual, because they generally made me laugh mentally presenting the prat with the award for single most overdramatic entrance known to mankind, To slowly subjugate myself to painful tortures the likes of which no man has seen before and most of the whole introduction actually, but I can't quote it all :p . I did have to roll my eyes at Was it possible to grow curves overnight? What had she done to her hair to get it to cascade so beautifully down her back, like a golden waterfall. but that was probably intentional ;) .I also loved the end scene with Hermione. Draco's gruding admittance was great That whilst you are still an insufferable mudblood and a blight on the name of Wizardry, I am not as revolted by your presence as I once was. The entire last part of the scene was brilliant too, and just somehow so very definitely Draco/Hermione. I have to admit when I read your story here I find the thought crossing my mind that they would be an interesting couple and the ship does have something going for it (look what you've done to me! ;) ). It is, of course, an excelent chapter and I look forward to the next :D .Author's Response: I toyed with the chapter title, and eventually decided that shorter was better than the longer thing I had first. Not all my chapter titles need to test the page size of the archive =). Glad it amused you. I was actually a bit worried about how you would view this fic after Trust too, as I put so much less effort into this one. But they are very different, and I am glad you can appreciate them both. Switching between the styles of the two has become increasingly easier than at first, when I could only open one at a time.
Appalling memory aside (mine sucks too), I am glad you liked the opening. I fiddled with that dream to try and make it as obscure as possible, yet with a joining thread through it. Thank you for the comment on my characters. I've been writing them for so long now though that I find I can quite easily slip into the heads of most of them.
Now you mention it, I can see how it would be awful if the name thing were true.
The hair thing was intentionally as stomach-churningly cliched as I dared to go. I rebelled against going any further, although it was possible. Again, I do so love all your quotes. There is something that bit more personal about a review that tells me which bits were enjoyed. Also confirms the chapter was actually read.
In that final quote, I have to mention how much I love the word blight. Ever since I wrote that I have been using it wherever possible =) But I'm odd. Oh, and don't panic *calls doctor* the Dramione symptoms are easily cured with a swift blow to the head. Really, I write this to show how implausible the ship is through amusing anecdotes and extreme sarcasm...don't ruin that by saying such things! Report Review
Firstly, just have to say, I am so stupid! I had almost finished writing out this nice long review yesterday for this chapter, then I had to go for a while and I left it open, but I forgot when I came back and just closed the internet without saving it!! I am so annoyed with myself. So now I hope I remember what I said so I can type it all out again *rolls eyes*. And btw, there are quite a few typos and mistakes in this chapte,r but I didn't pick them out (tis too distracting from the story :D ), but just thought I'd tell you as i did still notice them :p .So I'm sure I began with some glaring :p . What're you doing to the man?? You're completely ripping him to shreds, taking away everything and leaving him with this whole other world he has to (or thinks he has to) accept. I have to wonder how far you're going to push him, and only hope it's not too late for him to come back.The whole scene with Voldemort was really good, I think I've said it before, but I adore the plot of this story and the way you're playing it out. It's very twisty and complex, but not so much that you can't follow and understand what's happening. I liked seeing Snape coming to the realisation he did in this part, and I think it would have been a relief, a hollow relief but a relief nonetheless, just to know, or believe he knows. I think this chapter is aptly named for many features, though I think you're also taking away the shadows from Snape, forcing him into a position he must find clarity on and be on one end of the spectrum or the other, not in the middle, if that makese sense.Another scene I really liked was the Remus and Harry one. THey were just so perfectly written, and I like that you showed Remus getting exasperated with Harry, I found Patience, Remus reminded himself, was a virtue very amusing, though it was good you also showed Remus as his logical self. I really wanted to know his reaction to Harry's little revelation at the end in a bit more detail, but I hope he will continue to refuse to judge Snape. Harry was also very good in this part, I liked Harry would have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, from his cemented conclusions.
and the making his listen even if he refused to hear.My favourite scene that I love to pieces is the one with Dumbledore and Snape in the beginning, I mean well, where do I start?? I just adore the interaction between these two chracters and you just do it so well. I think my original version of this review left this quote until the end, but I have to cover it now before I forget everything, it's just so good! As it pains me that you fear failure so much you would actively seek it out merely to maintain your illusion of control. I love that quote so much, it's just completely fitting. Snape doesn't need to fear it anymore because he believes he's already failed and that is the only thing there for him, it makes me want to strangle him! He fears it so much that it must have become inevitable in his mind and this is all the confirmation he needs. I am glad that Dumbledore at least sees he still has a choice, that he still has freewill. Despite his dubious decisions concerning Snape, I think he does understand the man better than anyone else, which must gall Snape no end. At the moment Snape is trapping himself, but I still hope that somehow he will let himself have this choice, and know that he made it on his own. I also liked how you circled back to the 'do not give me reason to doubt' again, I loved that part in the beginning and technically little time has passed since then. And while I'm on this scene, did I mention how excellent your Dumbledore is yet?? From the tea and roundabout way he said thing, and you still managed to keep that clarity meaning that Dumbledore undoubtedly has. I don't know how you do it, most stories I read can't quite get him as well as you do here and throughout, but I've never doubted he is supposed to be Dumbledore for an instant.I'm not sure if I covered everything I said yesterday, but I have to run now. As always it's a great chapter, and I look forward to the next! :)Author's Response: I did that myself just the other day…I was typing up a review, hit the wrong button and BAM, the whole thing disappeared. And you can never recreate them quite as well as the original. Oh, and OMG! I looked through the chapter, and there were sooooo many mistakes I feel kind of embarrassed to have posted it. I actually read it through a few times before posting as well, and I didn’t see a single one of them. And some of them were monstrous! Anyway, I have gone through it and hopefully fixed the worst of them. Time to prod a beta, methinks. Or get glasses
Glaring isn’t very nice, you know, even if I am being a little mean to Snape. He can cope with a fair bit of pushing though. I can’t say much more without giving away the plot, however, so you will just have to wait and see what happens to him.
I am so relieved and pleased to hear your comments on the plot. It has been my main concern since starting that it would prove to be too complicated and completely incomprehensible. I also like how you have worked in the chapter title (which was picked for that reason). What you said does make sense, I think, as Snape really cannot be uncertain on this whole issue. I may have misinterpreted you though.
Remus is still a difficult character for me to write, having so little experience with him. I am glad you liked the combination of exasperation and logic too. There will be a reaction to the revelation also, even though it was cut off in this chapter. It is something that fits in better with a future planned scene though =). He will continue to be a voice of reason, which will hopefully make you happy.
Okay, I am so incredibly happy you quoted that line back to me. It was and remains the most important line in the chapter, as far as the characterisation of Snape goes, and it also plays an important part in the plot. And you summarised why incredibly well. By accepting he will fail, it doesn’t feel so much like failure as it does simple acceptance of what Snape cannot change. It does put a lot of responsibility onto Dumbledore though. As you said, the Headmaster still sees that he has a choice, but he really does need to convince Snape of that. Unfortunately he isn’t the bats man to do it, given the dubious decisions he has made in the past.
Snape is trapping himself though, and again, you’ll just have to wait and see what choices he will and will not allow himself. The ‘do not give me reason’ is another important part that has been and will continually be cycled round too. There are quite a few loops in this fic, beyond the obvious time one. And you may have mentioned Dumbledore, although I certainly have no objections to your mentioning him again. Unfortunately I don’t know how I do it either, but I am incredibly happy to hear you say that I do do it.
Anyway, thank you again for another brilliant review (complete with quotes again =)). I really enjoyed reading all your thoguths and insights onto everything that has happened.
You are officially the author who has made me cry the most :p . Wow though, that was simply amazing, you write such touching pieces that you can really tap into the emotion of the characters and really get drawn into the story. That's probably the thing I love most about your stories.There were one or two mistakes I thought, but I think mainly that was just being ultra picky. However, this but even though the positions are awkward, he could care less don't you mean couldn't? You say somehting similar at another point too and it made me wonder the same thing. Otherwise I didn't really catch anything worth mentioning :) .I love how you've written about James in this piece, through Remus. He's not usually the focus of your stories, and I'm very impressed how well you can capture him. This little paragraph especially She is innocent in her quest to gain knowledge of the man Remus once called his king—in jest, while they were once drunk—but Remus knows that he meant what he said and James deserves the title. He was a king to Remus and to the rest of the Marauders, a king without a crown., that was perfect, and I like how you kept the theme throughout the fic, right up to the end.I thought you wrote the Remus/Tonks aspect of this brilliantly too, they seemed to fit so well together, and i especially liked And he’s willing to do anything, whether it is to tell a story about his childhood or lay his life on the line for this woman, if only to see her smile this way every day. It's not your usual ship and I thought you handled it well :) .I adored the little moments you gave Remus as the fic went along (very well paced by the way), that were really touching and very Remus, like Moony. A nickname. A name that means more to him than it probably should because it means that he belongs. I loved all the memories you wrote about form the photographs, but what got me most was the bit at the graveyard, when Remus was talking to James. That was incredibly written and I don't think you could have done it any better. And then when Harry forgave him, it was just perfect. It felt like it was all completed somehow, and you ended it really nicely too Thank you, James. Really loved reading this fic :) Report Review
Well, I had just updated my own story, and I hopped along to the recently added to look at it (what? I like to do this), imagine my surprise to see, 3 fics below my own, yours. I then abandoned all usual after posting activity to come read your new chapter (you should be honoured :p ). I have missed having more of this fic to read when I felt like it you know, and now I've read the update so soon I won't have another for a while (or at least, I assume I won't). It is a great chapter too, especially the continuity from the last chapter and Malfoy still fighting the effects of the disease (most original way in which two people became Potions partners I have to say). I did see quite a lot of typos (most obvious of which is that would could almost have been classed as astute btw, the others are not so noticable), and I admit to rolling my eyes when you said they had a bond. But I am sorry to have doubted your ingenuity, how I could have thought you'd follow such a cliche is beyond me, and I loved the bond that you did create :D .I have to point out your classic Draco moments, perhaps I should make them a feature of my reviews or something, I just love them so much. I am not touching it,’ Draco sounded horrified. ‘It’s old, it’s dirty and it’s clearly second hand, They were good at revenge, they certainly excelled when it came to terrorising and, as Draco was beginning to discover, they had a knack for knowing the worst possible scenario of any situation. Most llikely because they were often trying to ensure it happened, but still, and my personal favourite name/Draco moment Boy-He-Was-Really-Beginning-To-Wish-Didn’t-Live *snigger*.I really liked this part baout Snape Do you not know the self-restraint he has had to acquire to keep the mortality limit of his class at nil?’ Draco had to admire that kind of control, probably an entirely accurate reflection of his character :D . And I also thought this was a very interesting point Besides, pretty much every applicant had tried to kill the Golden Boy in the last several years, which meant that Potter had that requirement of the position all ready nailed, I can't say as I've evr thought of that, but that's very true actually. It was also fitting for Draco to have noticed of course. I really liked how you wrote him with Harry, and Harry's brief 'You're worried?' moment, that whole part made me laugh. I can't believe he tried to think of Snape in a tutu at the end mind (though the image certainly made me giggle), the next chapter will be very interesting (yes, that's a hint that I want to read it soon! :p ).Author's Response: I do that too! *feels less odd* I do like to see my fic at the top of the recently added page and admire it for a few minutes. It's like my reward for updating. And I am honoured, so thank you. I hope I didn't throw your posting completely off whack. I have no idea how long the next chapter will take. I've started it, which is always promising. Hopefully it won't take anywhere near as long as this one did. I have corrected that typo, and all the others should get fixed by my beta. Unfortunately I have limited patience, and so quite often have to post before its been corrected and then edit it later. I get the feeling I may have outdone myself on typos this time though. And the bond was supposed to instigate a bit of eye rolling, but I simply couldn't miss putting such a mother of all cliches in. You are forgiven for your doubt too.
I do love it when you point stuff out, so I shall refer to them as the Phoenix Feature from now on (highly unoriginal and unimaginative, I know, but its been a long day).
That bit about Snape was my absolute favourite in the whole chapter. I am surprised though that you hadn't thought abou the DADA teacher//Potter death ratio. I roll my eyes with predictablilty every time a dada professor tries to murder him. I think it would be mor einteresting were one of them not to try for a change. And the image of Snape in a tutu made you giggle? *is worried* I found it rather disturbing myself.
And the hint has been taken, and how can I ignore it when you leave such wonderful reviews? I shall type as fast as I can, and you never know what I might achieve. =) Report Review
Moi? I don't believe I was the one who sat down and typed out another chapter now, was I? :p . And btw, I liked how it was Tonks's birthday soon, I think everyone has birthdays on the brain, I even wrote one into mine too (with someone unable to find a good present no less). I liked Remus in the shop, and the character you created of the shopkeeper in such a short space. You seem to do it so easily, bring a charater to life, and it's something I love about your writing.There's something about your description that is really wonderful. You describe the place wherever they are and it's very vivid, but more than that, you connect it to the characters like It appeared as though the castle would carry no physical scars from the battle that took place inside of it only months before, but there were the sorts of scars that no amount of magic would be able to mend. You include subtle details, things that are different, and you especially capture the way things outside Remus's world still seem to reflect his inner one - the way the air is in the castle, the atmosphere that's weighted with everyone's thoughts and feelings, yet is inanimate in itself.I loved what you wrote about McGonagall, small intricacies of her character and the effect she had on Remus still. And I'm glad she and Slughorn persuaded him to take the job like Tonks insisted. That part was great too, when she was arguing why he should take even when he didn't want to go back. She understood better than maybe even he did, and I like that about the relationship you're building for them. This is my favourite chapter so far I reckon, and it was a great surprise to read another so soon! (*whistles innocently* ;) ) Really enjoyed reading it :)Author's Response: So here I am, sitting here working through the cuts for GG 7.03 and, in between screeners responding to reviews. It was working great until I realized how few new reviews there were, but I was plesently surprised to see one of yours because I knew it gaurenteed me an opportunity to have lots to say. Motivation is the mother of...something?
And here you thought you'd be getting another chapter soon only to find out that I would return it to it's previous state of woefully abandon. If it makes you feel any better, I have been trying at least! Report Review
yay, look at that, you do have an update up! :D I also note that you haven't replied to that review mind :p . Anyway, as always, I loved the chapter, you just have a way of drawing a reader into a story and making them feel in the position of whichever character you're focusing on. It's all so real in your fics, and this chapter is no exception, you've taken Remus and explored him so well that it's easy to relate to what he's feeling and his reactions to the situations you put him in.The beginning of this had me worried, but it was a great way to illustrate what Remus is dwelling on, and how acutely he can see Tonks being hurt or killed. You write the bond between them brilliantly, and everything you do write makes sense. Your characterisation of them both is also spot on.I really liked the part in the meeting room, detailing the expressions of the others and drawing parallels to what Remus has experienced in the past. The part about how he no longer feels shocked or reacts the same is particularly striking, and I hope he manages to hold onto his humanity. But at least while he still has Tonks, I'm not so worried. I also really liked what Moody said, There's more to lose this time, it homed right in on the truth, and it fit very well in the atmosphere you'd created. Great chapter, I look forward to the next update :) .Author's Response: See, I told you you were going to miss an update if you skipped off to do your thing :P I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, because it's all your fault that it exists. ALL YOUR FAULT! :P
I'm really hoping that the beginning had you worried because you were afraid Tonks was being throttled in a battle and not because it was poorly written or it sucked - but I figure you would've said something so I'm just going to let it go.
I hate you and this is all your fault. Report Review
*glares* ok, so I could live with everything this fic has put me through so far, manic laughter, snorting, Queen songs stuck in my head and all, but I was not prepared to be humming My Immortal by the end of reading this!!! i hope you understand the counselling I will have to undergo because of this traumatising experience :p .I completely adored this chapter though, it was so very very funny (you've gone back up to a 10 ;) ), and what a particularly good cliche to go and mock! I adored the part where he wanted to find some tighter trousers and a hoodie. I also thought Pansy's role in this chapter was brilliantly written too, especially when he yelled for her to come and stop him. That was one of my favourite bits of this chapter He was trying to dye is own hair. His gorgeous, perfect, immaculately groomed hair and his hands were half way to dying it black. And he couldn’t bloody stop them :D .I burst out laughing when he got to Hogsmeade with Millicent and was meeting Hermione's parents and came out singing instead. Possibly my favourite line It was cracking slightly and seemed intent on hovering round every single note in existance as if actually hitting one would be an unforgivable act of offense *snigger* bet that was a sight no one would've bet on seeing. And then when you ended it with him having to ride out the symptoms *laughs* he'll never escape those rumours now, eh? This has just been such a wonderful fic to read, and now that I'm at the end, I feel perfectly justified in asking you to update soon :p . But you get a little leave before I hunt you down to bug you as I'm leaving for a week ;) . Really enjoyed reading this, I look forward to the next chapter :) .Author's Response: *hides* Um, yes. Sorry. I can only hope this moment won't haunt you forevermore, causing untold grief. I'm sure the stress induced horrific flashbacks will dissipate...with time.Huzzah! *huggles 10*. How could I miss this cliche. It must be one of the all time bests. And all through writing this that was the one bit that kept repeating itself in my head, with him shouting for Pansy.Poor, poor Draco. I know, I say this a lot, but sometimes I do feel a little bad for him. Singing in Hogsmeade though is not something he will be living down any time soon.And those rumours will definately be haunting him for the rest of his school life and beyond (as a Draco/Harry shipper I have to put them in. They make me happy, and keep me sane-ish). I am so glad you have enjoyed it all thus far, even if it will invariably lead to imminent hunting down and bugging. In all honesty I had hoped to update before you got this far, and am incredibly relieved to have another week. Enjoy your time away, and thank you again for all your wonderful reviews. Report Review
*sings* another one bites the dust ... ... ... ... another one bites the dust! You really should invest in that shooting range I'm thinking, you'll make a terrible mess leaving them all scattered here and there. Hmm, possibly not my sanest ever start to a review, but I'll endeavor to tell you something useful at some point during the rest of it (blink and you might miss it ;) ).Ron was brilliantly written in this, from his complete outrage at the beginning (that also gave him rather selective hearing too) to the rather shocked fear he succumbed to by the end. I have a little criticism though, I thought Draco and Hermione had an awfully long conversation before Harry and Ron said anything, and Ron was really mad before going down there, not sure how you might change that if you were to change it but it's an observation I made :p .So then, I had many moments in here that I particularly enjoyed, like dragging with her the sort of company that meant the room would have to be exorcised several times over and And he got his to work; he keeps going on and on about some day that’s green or something, that last one especially made me grin I have to say. Still, none of them beats Straws were made for grasping that may well be one of my top favourite things you've said in this fic so far, and I'll have to blame you if I suddenly start saying it in conversation to people (that, and the fact I have Queen songs in my head is your fault :p ). Great chapter :) .Author's Response: Damn you *sings along* A shooting range does sound more and more appealling though, especially since the mess is really getting quite obscene...people are tripping over it all the time. A lot of them aren't even learning anything from the experience.I am glad you liked Ron, it being his first reall appearance (his part should only grow from here). I know about the big gap in the conversation, unfortunately. This chapter caused me no end of grief in that respect, and I just couldn't get it to work. So, I admit, I gave up. I did and still do mean to go back and give them something to do whilst Draco and Hemrione talk, but I still don't know what I would do with them. Yes, I'm terrible. Any and all suggestions greatly appreciated.People seem to like the GreenDay line, but I've never had anyone comment on the straw line before. It's nice to know the small ones get noticed too. And I would take great pride in spreading such a phrase, even if you blame me for it. =P And consider the fact that I now have Queen stuck in my head adequate revenge. Report Review
Although I don't think this chapter was quite as funny as others have been (I mean, it's a 9 as opposed to a 10 so don't do a Potter and jump in front of a bus about it or something ;) ), I still really enjoyed reading it. I think perhaps I have such a well-founded dislike of Mary Sue's that I could only find her amusing and not outright hilarious :p . Still, she did make a good character to rival Draco on looks and shallowness (though of course she is caring and what-not too ;) ), and I particularly had to like the bit about Harry, Blaise (who, despite actually being a guy in the books, I think I may actually prefer as a girl) and Ron :D There were a couple of moments I really liked in this chapter, like It was that or habitually grasping his nose as though to verify it hadn’t, in fact, grown overnight, great reminder of the last chapter and also made me grin to imagine the blank staring punctuated with this nose grasping :D . The end of the World will be the day I wander into the common room to find you’ve invited the entire House down for a friendly game of spin the bottle, or perhaps truth or dare was also a favourite because I could not agree more. I don't think there has existed a game that made me want to crawl under my desk and hide more than Truth or Dare ;) .I completely loved the last bit with Hermione. I admit I got all hopeful when she came over, voluntarily, to talk to him (see what this story has done to me??), and then she even introduced the subject of Hogsmeade, bbut what a resounding rejection. It did make me laugh mind, especially the last line, my definite favourite of the chapter, He hoped the words tasted nice to her as she said them; hoped they left a pleasant taste of victory in her mouth since he would hate for her to suffer unduly when he made her eat them. very clever that one was and a great line to end the chapter on :) .Author's Response: I can live with a 9, so don't worry, I won't be trying any interesting life-ending techniques quite yet. I can understand what you mean about Mary-Sues. It gets to the stage where you just read so many of them nothing can make them funny anymore. They exist, and you just want to hurt them.Truth or Dare is the nightmare of fanfiction. Do people just write what they secretly wish a game of truth or dare would turn into (secret yet deep and unrivalled love that could not have been realised any other way/some sort of mass orgy), or does the game really end up like this? Either way it is worrying.I am glad you liked the end of the chapter, and that your hopes rose along with Draco's (although he denies it). I am also veyr pleased you liked that last line...it took me ages to think of a way to end this chapter right. Report Review
*sniff* I’m so touched you mentioned me in your note! And what a lovely fic to follow up your first one :) . You write Goyle so well. Right from the beginning you had his character down, mentioning how he had managed these thigns on his own and made some decisions for himself. I also thought it would be very like Draco to give him such a lecture.recent studies have shown that Muggles who wear bikinis are fifty percent less susceptible to Death Eater attacks than those who wear other types if clothing. It seems that the bikinis possess some sort of property which distracts the Death Eaters *snorts* well I bet they do!! Trust Luna to reason that out, and yet be completely oblivious too. I liked how Goyle was tyring to think of a reason why she should not associate herself with such Muggle clothing, though I would have thought he would not be thinking of reasons to make her stop wearing them ;) .The assortment of bikinis was also very…unusual. A woollen bikini?? That one made me laugh :D . And then we had This is possibly the best bikini I’ve made. Not only is it the most durable, but it also helps the wearer camouflage themselves. *giggles*, I’m really not sure how camouflaged you’re going to be in a bikini made of Astroturf.Possibly my favourite part was when he kissed her on the nose, then worried that now she’d never talk to him again because of Crabbe’s incident, and instead she kissed him on the nose in return! It’s just very very Luna :D .I completely adored the scene with Luna’s dad, I don’t think I’ve ever read a fic which features him. He was perfect! And his outfit made me laugh, and I had to grin at his advice to Goyle, very much her father huh. It was a very sweet end too, even leaves it open to another one if the urge should take you ;) . I really enjoyed reading this, as always, great fic :) .Author's Response: Charz! So sorry it's taken me ages to respond. Anyway... thanks so much for the great review. I'm surprised you commented on Goyle first, since most people seem to like the stories because of Luna. But I'm glad you liked his part as well. And of course the assortment of bikinis - my sister helped think up some of those, although there was actually a pattern for a knitted bikini in my friend's knitting book. I'm glad you commented on Luna's dad too, I had no idea how to write him. But if I do come up wit another one of these, he will most likely play a prominent part. Oh and I'm glad you liked the kiss scene too - my first one!!! Thanks again for the great review! Report Review
*snigger* ah, you do know how to shoot down a cliche or five, don't you? :D That whole exchange was really good as Draco denied one thing after another and still kept his character brilliantly. Loved the vehement denial of Veela heritage, but especially the vampire bit I’m standing in the bloody sunlight, heehee. oh! and the exclamations (was that this chapter? I am once again returning after reading to review, but I htink it's this chapter :D), that he would be ok so long as he didn't reach five (?), that one made me giggle too.I think my favourite part of this was what he thought when he first came into the common room He caught himself from describing it as homely and settled on tacky and really rather decrepit I am not entirely sure why that line appealed so much, but it did :D .Well now, things are happening on the actualy Dramione front! I thought Draco was going to dawdle and avoid it forever so that he actually got to asking her anywhere (in an entirely amusing way too), I did a double take and read it back again :p . I was totally expecting him to possibly end it in one of his suggestions really, but I loved how you wrote it. And the whole waiting for a response before the last shred of dignity left him was great, and then you went and ended it there! Entirely appropriate and no doubt what would have happened but still, I wanted to hear what she said and I didn't have time to read the next chapter! Well, whether I review or not immediately I'm reading the next one now :D . Another wonderful chapter :) .Author's Response: I need a shooting range for the cliches, to avoid my hurting in occasional innocent bystander. The exclamations was this chapter, I believe, and I'm glad it made you giggle. The line on the common room appealled to me too when I wrote it, although I also couldn't say why. I guess, for me, it's just the idea of Draco denying himself that something so beneath him could ever appeal to him on any level.And yes, poor Draco is grabbing the bull by the horns, gritting his teeth and plunging straight in. Denial wasn't working for him and really he just wants to get it over and done with. I do hope you enjoyed the next chapter too! Thank you for reviewing. Report Review
Well now, THAT was unexpected, could not have seen that coming if I was Professor Trelawney herself. Draco Malfoy, saviour to be? He has a point The-Boy-Who-Was-Never-Actually-Threatened-With-Death-In-The-First-Place doesn’t quite roll off the tongue :D . This will be interesting,a nd might I add a wonderful twist, and I have to say quite an original way for him and Hermione/the trio to have to spend time together, much better than sharing common rooms with private dorms ;) . Although I do have one question, you explained how the prophecy fit Draco, in a very inventive way too, but what about the marking him as his equal, did I miss that or did you not mention it?I absolutely loved your characterisation of everyone in the office, At least he had had the courtesy to wait until after the evening meal, but then again it probably took a cataclysmic event of epic proportions to distract a Weasley male from his food was very accurately Ron, as was the wanting to remedy the fact that Draco had never been threatened with death. But I think my fvaourite character moment was He prayed an attempt to fill the gaping whole in his life labelled ‘Mentor’ was not coming next. *snorts* could just imaginet hat one happening. Loved the whole scene, and the entire thing is just so wonderfully sardonic.While the above may have been my favourite character moment, I still loved Or should I go grab a pair of earmuffs and brandish a Mandrake Root in his vicinity? (there's also the kittens bit, and the entire superweapon exchange - god,t he unstoppable superweapon *laughs* - but you quoted that in your post on the forums so I'm not counting it as I had already read it :p ), mainly because that has been something I've actually wondered myself when reading the mandrake bit in the books :D . And Draco's little I assure you I am perfectly capable of throwing my life into imminent danger all by myself, Sir was perfectly placed too. I would never have thought this was hte direction your fic would take, but here it is, taking this direction, and I'm loving every minute. Another brilliant chapter :) .Author's Response: Well, I had to give them a reason to spend time together, and I also needed some some sort of basis on which to mock all the other ridiculously unfounded plots out there. As for the marking *looks sheepish* Um, I think I may have accidently forgotten to mention that bit. I did even have an arguement for it, which I have just remembered and will have to add in at some point. We all have to slip up somewhere though *sighs*Ron has actually been a nightmare in this fic. I think something about the way JKR writes him leaves him very easily open to becoming a little too dense in an attempt to pass as humourous. The Mentor thing drives me up the wall in fanfic though, so I had to mention it. How many times has Dumbledore led Draco back onto the path of righteousness? HBP certainly didn't help that either.The direction of this chapter surprised me too....the planning for this fic is actually based more on what horrible cliche I am going to make fun of next as opposed to how I am going to get the two of them together (although I do have a direction in mind for that). It appeared, bringing with it potential for future chapters, and so I stuck with it. It won't play a bigger part until somewhat later though. I am glad you are continuing to enjoy this! Report Review
Oh god, I'm not sure I can take reading another chapter, my sides hurt too much from laughing! Geez, i actually cried with laughter, i am not kidding, no fic has EVER managed to produce that effect, and here I am, sitting writing this, still having the odd random giggle in memory of some of the parts of this chapter, pass me a tissue?Well really where can I possibly start? I'll try not to quote too much, though i could practically take the whole chapter and tell you what i loved about ever little line, but it's your own fault for writing such a great chapter if I do :p . Draco again wass o wonderfully Draco right from the beginning, Draco couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else had felt the subtle shudder in the Earth as it shifted orbit slightly in order to better revolve around the Boy-To-Whom-We-Should-All-Bow-Before-In-Abject-Thanks-And-Adoration *snigger* now that had me giggling.It took mentioning Blaise 3 times before I got what you were doing, then that made it even funnier and I just laughed, very clever. I also loved their character in the common room, and how they were very relaxed and easy-going.And, of course, the common room scene, could it have been more hilarious?! I mean it started funny with Swallowing carefully he endeavoured to try smiling again, a dashing not at all threatening smile of peace and friendship. Evidently he needed more practise. but then the curse!!! *laughs all over again* (annoying little stars, but they are useful :p ) When he came out with all that netspeak I just about ceased breathing with the the whole laughing, but it was this bit that truly got me Nice to a Weasley? That was laughable, preposterous even. And no damn curse was going to stop him from declaring fully and unequivocally how completely entertaining, eternally amusing and downright hilarious the concept was. His sides were practically splitting from barely contained glee. Cheering charms had nothing on the comic genius and uproarious merriment of the proposition. Nice to a Weasley?//‘lol :rolls:’ That is my favourite moment in the entire fic so far, that was just...amazing! I may have to re-read this chapter again before going to the other one, just to cherish it all the more. Really an excellent chapter *smods*Author's Response: Okay, sometimes I view this chapter as a bit of a curse. It is, by far, my favourite, and I think I must been having a rare moment of genius when I wrote it, but ever since I have carried on in the knowledge that nothing could ever top this, and that from this moment on I could only go downhill.I have to admit I am laughing myself whilst reading you review just from hearing about you laughing so much. You have no idea how happy it makes me that I could make you laugh like that. *hands over tissues*Draco rose to this chapter like never before, and certainly never again. I did love that revolves line too, in fact had I remembered it I would probably have posted it in the forum. And Blaise *shakes head* Do you know how many people point him/her out to me in my reviews as though I seriously forgot the gender of my character within five lines of writing him/her? I always thought it was the most obvious thing, but somehow having less than half of my readers get it makes it all the funnier to me.The curse was something I could not resist. I had wanted to write it for ages, but it only seemed to fit by this chapter. And I admit, I did drag out my thesaurus for that paragraph as I eventually ran out of words for funny.Oh, I am juyst so pleased with how much you liked this chapter. To me it really is the part of the fic that made it worth writing, and the part of which I am most proud. Thank you a thousand times over =) Report Review
I don't suppose anything from gentle prodding to threats is really going to get you to post another chapter, but needless to say, I would very much like one :p . I had forgotten a lot of the story, but most of it came back when I started reading, and I htink you've managed to continue on with it very nicely. And aside from the usual grammar and maybe one or two not alltogether making sense sentences there is little I can fault :) .I really loved that paragraph near the beginning where Remus was considering everything going on, and I especially loved the description of Tonks, it felt right for him to think of her as such.I liked the the part where Remus thought of Prometheus, though the first line had me very much thinking of good intentions paving the path to hell. Somehow, I doubt that's the reason his mother told him the story ;) . It makes sense to draw parallels between him and Remus though, Remus is, after all, a good man, and one who suffers despite it, and still he goes on being so. Perhaps I don't see the point of the story anymore than Remus, but I liked the similarities.I think my favourite part was the last bit, when Remus tended to Tonks and felt such fierce protectiveness and the depth of the feeling when she was hurt. That was very indicative of how much he really does feel for her, it made me smile, I wonder if he thinks it any easier for her to see him hurt after a moon or something. I think you're building their relationship nicely and you write them both really well. Great chapter, and I look forward to reading the next one :p .Author's Response: I'm still catching up on reviews, but it should be noted that i'm a lot further than I was :P
I updated. I updated and it's all your fault. :P
I really do think that is how Remus would see her. She's part of his life that is completely inextricable. No matter how hard he tried to resist having her as part of it, she remained there - and not only there, but persistant. I think the thing that I try to write into Remus most is thatm no matter how hard he may try, he can't quite get things working the way he wants them to work - he really can't grasp control over his surroundings and his situation.
I'm grudgingly working on another chapter :P Report Review
An aptly named chapter, it was certainly one of the best lines in it :D . Not that the rest didn't make me laugh, because i assure you it did. I htink I prefer reading from Draco's POV because he's so...Draco, but Lucius makes a good change I have to say, he does seem an older version of Draco in a lot of respects, but more refined, and certainly more subtle ;) .I don't know if i wanted Dumbledore to agree with his request or not, it's a terrible cliche but I would have loved to see how you wrote that, it would've been hilarious. I htought Lucius was wonderfully characterise in this chapter though, especially when he thought The old man should be honoured. He just attained the much sought after title as the first person to insinuate that he, Lucius Malfoy, might be wrong about something, and lived. I also note that you seem to have a fixation for furniture and other random items in a room (like a carpet), and i think this really adds to your writing, that you can draw so much from one inanimate object and make it integral to a scene.I think my fvaourite line in this chapter had to be what he actually had was a building full of teenagers, a species known far and wide for its unwillingness to get on with anybody for more than approximately five minutes at a time.. Despite, you know, being a teenager myself, that one really made me laugh, and it was a refreshing view on Dumbledore's attempts to unite the school :D . Another brilliant chapter :) .Author's Response: The chapter actually grew from the title in this instance, and Lucius just demanded the centre-stage (there was no way I could get it to work with Draco). The younger Malfoy is more fun though, I have to agree.I agonised for ages about Dumbledore's response to this, but opted on just mentioning the cliche as opposed to having it as an ongoing theme (for reasons that will become obvious in later chapter, which could not have happened with a shared room). And that line is one of my favourites! And I have a fixation? I suppose I do, in this fic at least, although I'm not sure where it grew from. I'm am glad you think it adds though, as it makes it a fixation definately worth having =)Incase any teenagers feel bad about that line though I do later insult adults. And men, and then women. I also started on nationalities. I may well eventually run out of things to insult, but I doubt it. After worrying briefly that people would take unnecessary offense to some of my humour, I decided to insult everyone I could imagine to even it out and give no one a reason to get mad at me. That, and it's a lot of fun. Thank you for all your reviews...I look forward to hearing what you have to say. Report Review
Well I actually read this chapter before I went on holiday last week, but did not have time to review just then, but I'm here to remedy that and read some more :D . Oh, and before i forget, if you are still looking for a beta as you mentioned in your last response, I would be happy to go through it if you are still looking, but the price would be the loss of my reviews :p . But you choose, reviewer or beta, I don't mind either way, I still get to read it ;) .I loved the beginning of this, with how Dumbledore had out-maeuvered Snape, not for the first time, into not allowing Crabbe and Goyle without having to allow Ron, Draco's thoughts on the subject were extremely entertainging, especially the summoning bit :D . And then I completely loved the characterisation you gave of Snape during this whole chapter, that smirk at the beginning of the lesson to let Draco know it was going to be bad and then when we learned what they had to do I was just laughing, especially when he was partnered with hermione, such a cliche, but written so well here that I would not have thought so and completely believed such a thing would happen like this.The entire scene with them making the potion was hilarious, Draco just kept thinking of what he should be doing before realising he was steadily ruining all hopes of doing so, i really cannot think how you're going to overcome this slight defect in his personality to actually egt them together :p . You ended the chapter really well, too, I just loved the last line after Snape's comment of sometimes the old fashioned ways are the best, I'm not sur eif it's that Snape's offering dating advice or that Draco has to find a way to date Hermione that I'm finding funnier, but needless to say, I really liked this chapter :D .Author's Response: Well, I hope you enjoyed your holiday. I could do with one myself, it feels. I'm afriad I have actually filled the beta position since I posted the request, but your comments as a reviewer have been and, I have no doubt, will continue to be very helpful.I had to bring Snape into this. I write him so seriously in all my fics, but I figured he deserved at leats a cameo appearance in this. There is just so much potential for humour with him. And although the scene (the whole fic actually) is one huge cliche after another, I have had a surprising number of people take it seriously. I feel I should be giving out a free can of sarcasm to every reader.And I did feel a bit sorry for Draco, but he is completely clueless. It is a defect he won't overcome for quite a while, if at all. After all, he doesn't see it as a defect, so see's no need to overcome it. I am so glad you liked this chapter and found it funny. Thank you again for leaving such a lovely, long review. I do so love reading them! Report Review
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