This is a nice story. Keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
I'm assuming she's not actually dead? Well, even though it was a little short, as a prologue, it's good. I enjoyed reading this, reading about her flight into the woods. You conveyed the panic she felt very well. I didn't really feel for her, however, I wasn't emotionally moved by her, but again, it was only a prologue, and the rest of the story is ahead, and it's late at night, so I'm a bit tired.
But still, I liked it! I think I'll be checking back to see what happens next. Hermione as a werewolf... nice beginning! I must say, I do like how you began with her running. And I like the opening line. It was engaging. Great job, and keep it up!Author's Response: Nope, she's not dead ^^ *Dramione prevails*
Yeah, I made it a bit short mainly because too much just running and panicking gets boring after a while, so I wanted to cut it before it reached the point of repeating itself :) I could have introduced another character or someone else coming, but part of the point was for her to feel all alone, so there.
Thanks a lot for the encouraging review *loves reviews* And opening lines are cool XD Report Review
Ooh, a cliffhanger! Well, that was a really good chapter. There were a few grammar and tense mistakes, but those can be fixed after you read it over once. It felt really slow to me, but maybe I was just as impatient for them to take the potion as they were. Good job, and write more soon!Author's Response: Thanks! I’m glad you like it. I’ve been thinking to find a beta for this, I just haven’t gotten round to do it yet. The second and the third chapter are slow, since I wanted to explain the backgrounds more than doing the action, but the pace should pick up from here. Thank you again for the reviews! Report Review
This is an interesting idea! I really like it so far. Your characters are believable, even though their characterization is a little rushed and forthright. But I guess more will be explained in due time.
As for CC, all I can really say right now is that this seems a little awkward. The line of the story doesn't flow as it should. Maybe a little more description of the story; show, not tell, will make it better. Other than that, keep up the good work. I can't wait to see what happens next!Author's Response: This chapter is more jumping into action rather than setting the scene, something I’m not used to, so it does feel rushed. Reading back on this chapter, the description wasn’t the best I could do. Maybe I’ll go back and fix them, but right now I’m focusing on the updates. Thank you for the review! Report Review
That was an interesting story. It was very well written, I must say. I've never before read a story where Sirius visits Remus before he disappears, or where I've actually felt sorry for Peter.
I do have some constructive criticism, however. One specific line comes to mind, when you wrote "Sirius apparated into the cramped living room before Sirius." The last Sirius should be Remus. I understood what it meant right away. I do the same thing sometimes! Also, a few words were wrong, like a noun wasn't plural like it should be, etc. Just check it over and fix those mistakes, and your story will be great!
Wonderful job, keep writing, and you'll improve even more!
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and pointing out those mistakes, I hadn't notice that particular one, I need to have a close look over it. Report Review
Aww! I enjoyed reading this story a lot! A friend and I were looking at Ron/Hermione fics because we wanted to make a movie of it. Would you mind if we used this story for our movie? It'd be perfect! If you don't want us to, that's fine.
I loved this story a lot. That was a really great idea. Good job, and too bad there isn't more!Author's Response: ^_^ happy that you and your friend enjoyed it! ^_^
it is fine with me if you make a movie out of it! if you post it anywhere, let me know! i think that it would be cool to watch! ^_^
thanks! well, in a way, there is more... i am makeing another story to go along with this one: "Seven Blind Dates: Harry's Turn" if you are interested. ^_^ Report Review
This is really funny! I've been giggling the whole time... and I don't normally giggle! Good job, and keep it up!
For some CC, I noticed that you write it as any way, when you can make it anyway. Nothing much, but it'll make the flow of the story better. Yay for a great first, amusing chapter!Author's Response: ^_^ lol! thanks!
lol! woops! yeah, sometimes i am typing like, really fast, and if the computer doesn't notice it, i wont. usually i am looking down at my piece of paper and not at the screan. ^_^ thanks! Report Review
That was an appropriate song for this fic, as I'm sure you already know! It was well written. Usually when I read song fics, I ignore the lyrics and move right on to the story parts. But for this one, I read everything. The lyrics seemed a part of the story itself. You weaved it all together really well. I couldn't think of anything to criticize, so good job! Think of more stories like this, and you'll do well!Author's Response: i love the song, which is why i chose to use it :) thanks so much! Glad you liked it. Report Review
Yay! That was a good story! I liked it! It sort of explains the prophecy, how they might have started to "thrice defy" Voldemort. Good job. I liked the plot a lot. It was an interesting story, and not many people would have thought to tell it like you did, so congratulations on a job well done!Author's Response: :) Thanks! I really appreciate the review. It helps to know what readers think.
Raina Report Review
That was action-packed! It just goes to show that love can conquer anything, right? I didn't see anything to worry about in this chapter, so I'm on to the last one!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I was totally worried about the action. I've never even come close to the climax when writing previous stories, so I wasn't really sure if I did a good job. Thanks!
Raina Report Review
I'm assuming this is the climax of the story. I never would have guessed that this is what was happening. I like it! I like how everything's going so far. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks again! I'm so glad you like it. It's the reviews that keep me going.
Raina Report Review
Aw, poor Lily and James! You ended with a cliffhanger, nice. Cliffhangers are good! Well, I only noticed one small thing this chapter, and it's that you spelled "losing" as "loosing." A lot of people make that mistake, so don't worry about it. Great chapter. And I like the plot so far. I can't wait to see what happens next!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yeah...I've never been good at spelling...it's my weak spot. ;) thanks for notifying me. I'll edit and fix.
Raina Report Review
Ooh... Intrigue! I noticed a couple things in this chapter. I don't know if this has happened in the past two chapters, but it has to do with your quotes. It doesn't happen everytime, but enough for it to take notice. You wrote:
“Lily.” He said simply
When it should be:
"Lily," he said simply.
If you continue the sentence after the quote, then there should be a comma instead of a period (or a question mark or exclamation point), and the next letter should be capitalized. On the other hand, if you are starting a new sentence after the quote, then it should end with the period (or question mark or exclamation point), and the next word is capitalized.
Another thing I noticed was the way you capitalize hell. Half the time you make it Hell, while the other half it's just plain hell. Whichever way you want to make it is fine, as long as it's constant throughout the story.
I'm enjoying this. I can't wait to find out the reason behind the irony!Author's Response: Thanks for notifying me. Yeah, I'm really sorry about those mistakes. These are mistakes I make constantly, and I'm working to fix them. I'll edit and fix.
Raina Report Review
Another good chapter! I like the way things are going, even though Lily seems a little OOC to me. But that's completely fine, since we actually don't know how she was. It's not as if this actually changes her.
I did see one mistake. You wrote, "She would have to go pay James a visit and straiten things out." Straighten is spelled like that, and I saw you did that later on in this chapter, so it was a small error.
Great chapter! On to the next!Author's Response: :) Once again, spelling really isn't my best area. I'll fix, though. Thanks for telling me!
Raina Report Review
I like it! It's not really like anything I've read before. I couldn't find any grammar/spelling mistakes, so good job! You have some details in there, although I'd like to see a little more! Other than that, good job!Author's Response: :) Thanks. I'll update again, so I'll try to work on that.
Raina Report Review
This is an interesting take to a Lucius/Narcissa story. The chapters seemed a bit short to me, but that can be changed easily. I thought there could have been more details, but other than that it was a good start. It's funny, and I'd like to see how hard it is for Lucius to get Narcissa!Author's Response: Yeah, they are a bit short, aren't they? I was rushing to write the first chapter because I had the banner on hold and it had to get validated soon. Thanks for reviewing and giving me your opinion! Report Review
An interesting story! I have never before read a story about Riddle, and if I have then it was forgettable. This is really good! You use lots of detail, and you have Riddle's cold, calculating ways down very well. I especially liked the past where he obliviated her mind. That was a nice touch.
The only constructive critism I can give you right now is about your sentences. They all seem to be on the long side. Good stories contain both long and short sentences, to vary it up a bit. It makes for a more interesting read. Varying is good. So, keep that in mind, and keep up all the good work!Author's Response: yes, I like writing original things:) Thanks for saying that the characterisation is good, I really want my stories to be canon...
You're probably right about the sentences. The later chapters are different, though, as you'll notice if you ever read them :)
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
A good start to a promising story. I liked it a lot! There were a couple of small things that you could fix. There aren't that many details in here, which would make this a whole lot more engaging. Instead of just:
"James slowly took the potion from Madam Pomfrey. He nearly spat the first mouthful out. Madam Pomfrey frowned."
You could make it:
"James slowly took the potion from Madam Pomfrey, a wary expression on his face. He nearly spat the first mouthful out, leaving a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. Madam Pomfrey clucked her tongue and made James finish the whole gobletful."
or something like that. Also, I feel that some parts are a tad rushed. The spellwork is fast, and hardly allows the readers to process the fights before they're over. Other than that, good work! You have better grammar and spelling than most authors I see, and it's a pretty good idea. Keep working on it!Author's Response: Yeah, this is my first story on the archive from late 2005, so it's not that good. I'm planning to revise the whole thing, but I always put it off. Thank you for your advice. If you'd like, you could look at my other stories, which I wrote recently after an extended break from HPFF. Thanks for reviewing, and giving me your opinion! Report Review
Oh, poor Ron! I loved this chapter. It reminds me of the way my dog acts, and it's so believable and cute! Good job! Report Review
This is really funny! I don't normally laugh aloud when reading fanfictions, but I've been giggling throughout this whole chapter. Good job! This idea is so cute and original! Report Review
I don't know if you meant it like this, but your quote, "I'll see you on the other side," has a double meaning.
Oh! I love Cedric and Cho fics, I though this one was well written. Good job!Author's Response: yeah honey i did mean it both ways, he thought he would come out of the maze alive, and that he will see her on the other side. I'm glad you like it! Report Review
That was hilarious, and right on! When I think of Lavender, I think of this, and I know I will every time after this as well! That was amazing. That's definitely something she'd say too. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the incredible compliments! I can't believe you'd think of this when you think of Lavender, but I'm so happy! Glad you thought she was in character!
Thank you so much for the kind review! Report Review
I liked it! That was very canon, something that's hard to find around here. Keep writing. You have lots of potential!Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
Interesting story. I liked the bit about how Vernon was introduced into the story. Good job! Report Review
Aww. That's so sad. I'd hate that. That was some trick her friends played on her, even if it was her birthday present. Nice story. It could have been a little more your own, instead of half of it straight from the book, but other than that I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing! You're work only gets better with experience! Report Review
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