Reading Reviews From Member: Nevillefan
  
103 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NevillefanForbidden Longings.: First Encounters.

12th June 2014:
Welcome to publishing your own stories! Okay story so far. I'm interested in where you take Draco in this.

I see others have already mentioned the grammar mistakes so I won't harp on that. Though you should take care in what you post. Don't let your eagerness to post a chapter override the need to fix mistakes. Write it up as quickly as you want, but then let it sit overnight and read through it again the next day. You'll be surprised how much that helps. Less mistakes result in better responses and reduced dwelling on your need to fix bad grammar. Hint: keep past chapters on file and use the validation period to reread multi-times and fix as you go. Once you're a trusted author and can skip past validation, it's an easy copy/paste to replace old mistake-filled chapters. Benefit: people shut up about grammar and talk more about your actual story.

Hope that helps you.

Will be back for more!

Author's Response: I always do, I actually always have a few chapters at a time ready and check them a few times but like i said i am a bad typist - i have triple checked my next chapter so hope their are less mistakes in the future :)

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Review #2, by NevillefanRule Breaker: Ravenclaw versus Slytherin

1st July 2013:
Oooo.. intrigue. Who attacked the Gryffindor common room, I wonder.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you like the story and I hope you continue to do so! Thanks again! :)

--Emily


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Review #3, by NevillefanRule Breaker: Just a Saturday Afternoon

27th June 2013:
I have a theory. Draco's actually protecting Hermione, Theo & co. are bad, and he's been trying to tell her but she's gone all googly-eyed for her new friends and keeps shutting him down. How right am I?! No, don't tell me.

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you're coming up with theories! How clever. :) I'll let you read and find out how much of it is right. Then you can let me know what you think of how the story went and if it was what you expected. :) Thanks again for reading and reviewing and I'm glad you seem to like the story.

--Emily


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Review #4, by NevillefanRule Breaker: A Predictable Appointment

26th June 2013:
Although the whole HG/HB same dorm thing is old by now, I love that Draco's not the HB! Very nice twist to the whole idea. Enjoyed Draco's entrance.

Author's Response: Hello there! Thank you for reading and reviewing. I like to think that this story really takes the Heads plot and turns it around a bit. I hope you'll continue reading and see what I mean. I'm glad you liked Draco's entrance. Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #5, by NevillefanHow Do You Like Me Now?: Meaningful Friendships

21st April 2013:
I've been away from fan fiction for a long while so I'm just now seeing your updates. I love what you did with the trio triangle. Especially in Ron not getting away with being a total jerk. Lovely work.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! I'm very happy that you enjoyed my story. :-)

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Review #6, by NevillefanDarth Vader's Daughter: The Most Powerful Girl Ever

13th June 2012:
That was fun ^_^ btw, Team Rocket would not approve of being left out of an epic battle with a dark witch time lord.

Author's Response: I'm sure they wouldn't, maybe next chapter, but this chapter was just so crazy that I couldn't fit them in. I'm glad you liked it though!

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Review #7, by NevillefanNever Grow Up: Never Grow Up

12th October 2011:
That was beautiful...

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #8, by NevillefanHow Do You Like Me Now?: Memories of Change

22nd August 2011:
You seem to have abandoned this story (cos it's been ages since it was updated) but I hope you pick it back up. I was rather enjoying the story line. A new chapter would make me happy :)

Author's Response: i haven't abandoned. it's just taking a while to get each chapter validated. i'm glad you like it. i'll be putting another chapter up for validation today, so it should be up sometime this week.

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Review #9, by NevillefanJuly 31st: "Hermione Granger, Dead"; "Hermione Granger, Missing" (INTRO)

26th July 2011:
I liked the intro to this story and I wish you'd continue it. Very well written. Would love to see how it turns out and exactly why Ginny and Harry would not recognize Hermione/Emma.

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Review #10, by NevillefanOf Demons and Dark Lords: Chapter 5

2nd August 2010:
I just finished reading what you have here and I have to say I LOVE it! You've got a good grip on Sam/Dean, it feels like I'm watching an actual episode.

Couple of GLARING grammar issues that are rather consistent through the whole thing so it's not a typo. They confuse the meaning of what you're saying.

1) You've got your Thens and Thans mixed up. "Then" is used for time and "than" is used for comparing.
She's nuttier than a fruitcake. NOT She's nuttier then a fruitcake. Dean is more hot-chick-crazy than Ron Weasley but then Hermione will step in and hit them both with a hex.

2) "Woman" is what you use when talking about one lady and "Women" is what you use when talking about more than one. "Woman" is singular and "Women" is plurl.

Sorry I don't have anything interesting to say except that I'm loving what you've got going here and can't wait for an update. Good job!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you like it! And yes, I know that there are grammer issues. I'm not perfect. Which is why I have a beta, but it seems that she has missed some of them as well. But thank you for pointing a few of them out to me! And again, I'm glad you are enjoying the story!

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Review #11, by NevillefanFalling Rose Petals: Aftermath

1st August 2010:
I FINALLY got a chance to sit down and read the second chapter of your story. Sorry it wasn't sooner, I know it's been a long time. Anyway, I loved this chapter! Hope you update your story so I can find out what's up with the husband.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I apologize for taking so long to get back to you!

I'm glad you're enjoying the story still - Chapter 3 has been posted, so I hope you get a chance to come by and read it!

Thanks again,
~LJ


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Review #12, by NevillefanHormones: Hormones

2nd March 2010:
This was wonderful! I loved Hermione's evil twin, it made me remember being pregnant. Especially the part about hating her feet. I remember that particular detail quite well. I'm sorry, I'm on a mobile so I can't go back and pick out certain things I liked best but I want to say this was very well written and absolutely fabulous.

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Review #13, by NevillefanFalling Rose Petals: Prologue

28th February 2010:
So he just left? Either Scott's a total spitwad or he has a good reason... Right now I'm leaning toward calling him some really awful names.

This is just the first chapter, yeah? Add more! I'm dying to know what happens next.

Umm.. Have to give it a 7/10.

It would be better if you added more description and slowed it down a little. Give it some flesh. Loved the poem at the beginning and all that but things like the kid's ages, maybe what the house looked like?, something to give us a chance to understand how Rosalie thinks besides just allowing the fact that she's a muggle control everything... especially since she took the whole magic thing rather well and the wizard of the family is the one that freaked. I like what you did with Scott. Totally didn't see that coming!

Sorry if all that sounds harsh. Just trying to be helpful :) Look forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review, and for the great challenge!!

Scott is not as much of a "spitward" as he is coming off right now, he actually has a rather good reason for acting the way he is, but of course I can't give that away too early in the story!

I do agree that there could have been more description, but my plan was to have the prologue be an overview of the one interaction, just to get into the story and the future chapters will go into more details, as the story unfolds. Hopefully, you will be more pleased with the next chapter in this respect!

Chapter 1 should be out relatively soon; it was mostly written, but I lost my flash drive :( so I am trying to reconstruct it (luckily about half of what was written was in my e-amil!)...

Thanks!
LJ


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Review #14, by NevillefanFrom the Outside: A Percy and Audrey Story

10th December 2009:
That was pretty!

You say, "I feel a slight smile break across my face." twice in a row, just so you know :)

Wonderfully done!

Author's Response: Aww. Thank you very much!! I'll be sure to correct that. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
-Melissa


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Review #15, by NevillefanStars Will Shine: Stars Will Shine

1st November 2009:
That was wonderful! Great job bringing across the nervousness they must have been feeling. It was cute. Loved it :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! I am glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #16, by NevillefanMemoirs of Petunia: Wind Chimes

23rd November 2007:
You updated!!! AH!!! And what a wonderful update it is :) I love the idea with the windchimes and I wanted to violently attack Vernon for poor Petunia. "So...now you have more time for this?" Agh!

Author's Response: lol, thanks Nevillefan! Yes, I can imagine many, many people would want to attack Vernon after that. Thanks for wating this update out, by the way, I know it took forever and I'm so grateful for your support in coming back to read and review.

Thank you!


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Review #17, by NevillefanThe Wild: The Burning Mark

29th August 2007:
An update!!

That last line made me want to throw things at my monitor :)

I loved this chapter, I love Draco in it. Did he really think Lupin was really going to let him leave? Silly boy. Guess he had to try. I got a tiny bit confused there at the beginning though. It started out with Draco walking down the road and then he was back to climbing through the window making his escape. Obviously a flashback to how he got onto the road and what he was doing escaping... but I got a little lost there. Might just be me though...today at work I tried to put a large round bucket lid onto a small rectangle container and was for a few beats seriously contemplating how I was going to go about this, and certainly not my first blond moment of the day, so my getting a tiny bit lost in a perfectly coherent scene is not that surprising.

Great update! Well worth the wait ;) Keep it up!

Author's Response: thank you! i'm glad you liked it, and i always love your reviews. :] yeah, i'll admit that first scene is pretty confusing. i might make it into a flashback, with italics and all... i think that would be easier. and ches, screaming draco is very fun indeed.

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Review #18, by NevillefanThe Wild: Blood Moon

29th June 2007:
An update! Ahh! Excuse me while I dance around like an idiot singing, "She updated!" in the stupidest tune imaginable.

I really can't see Harry using the Sectusempra curse, voluntarily knowing exactly what it does...in HBP he felt horrible after using it. Seems a bit out of character for him.

Helpless, he glared in defiance as Draco jabbed his wand at him. He looked horribly pale and sickly. I'm going to make a suggestion, you can take it if you want :) I think this might be more effective if you switched it around a bit. See if I can give it a go... Looking sickeningly pale and knowing he was now helpless, he glared in defiance as Draco jabbed his wand at him. That's how I'd do it anyway :) Just a suggestion.

There were scars on his face. Feels a bit rough around the edges here. I think it would be more effective if you combined this with the previous sentence. It seems out of place as a sentence on its own.

Eloise learned them to be Ron’s father Arthur Technically speaking, there should be a comma after father. oo.. and another completely personal suggestion to which you need not pay any attention... instead of saying the other named Lupin you could do the other was called Lupin. It gives it a bit of a different air, I think, saying called instead of named. Or perhaps I'm just weird. Again, just a suggestion :)

Nobody had said a word about whether or not they be turned in. I think I know what you mean by this, but I don't think it's worded the way you wanted. I know, I'm nitpicky :)

I love Moody! He's so...moody! I like his intro but I don't think Then his eyes landed on Draco and Eloise, and he gave a start. fits very well. For some reason I can't wrap my mind around him being startled. He can see through ceilings and rolltop desks at the Black house in OotP. I think his eye would be looking ahead of him (him being a paranoid character) and he would have seen her long before he even opened the door. Confused, yes...startled, no. I think his intro would be more powerful if he came in having already known she was there and shouting as only Moody can.

“You poisoned it!” she gasped. LOL! I love that part...I don't know why. I've read that paragraph over six times now and I giggle every time. But she never did answer him about Malfoy killing her dad, did she? Interesting...

A wedding bed where no love was longer shared. Another typo, I think. I believe you mean where love was no longer shared.

I love this update!! Definitely one of my favourite chapters. Loved the action, loved the characters interacting. A few character moments seemed a bit out of place to me but overall you kept everybody right where they belonged and everything felt natural. Glad you're back on top of this :D

Author's Response: thank you for your suggestions! i didn't think about moody's eye. that would be funnier, i think, if i change it so he sees her and draco before he comes inside and just throws the door open and starts yelling. :] thanks for your suggestions!

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Review #19, by NevillefanWithout You: You Left

28th June 2007:
An update! And such a lovely update, too :) I love the shouting match. He really needed to hear that he couldn't just pick up where he left off. Made it much more realistic to have her resist him like that.

Are they on Hogwarts grounds when Hermione Apparated out?

Author's Response: Ah yes, shouting matches are fun, aren't they? And really it was silly for Harry to even think he could walk back in without even a conversation about his leaving...

And no, they are just outside Hogwarts grounds where they are free to Apparate. Obviously they can't do so inside the grounds, lol. (o:


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Review #20, by NevillefanMemoirs of Petunia: Education and Accomplishment

25th June 2007:
Too bad Lily couldn't make it. You did a good job with the graduation. Exactly how I remember it. Heather, the real life Mary Sue, talking at us about something I can't recall (probably because it was supposed to be uplifting and inspiring, but really it wasn't), the feeling of forced togetherness, the sheer panic and thinking of how geometric theorms could possibly have an impact on what was coming next...

There's no valedictorian in British schools, though. It's only American and Canadian :)

Author's Response: Whoops! Didn't know that...i'll change it around later. Hah, I can see myself next year, listening to a Mary-Sue go on about that. I've got plenty of them at my school...actually I KNOW who the valedictorian is already, and yes...she S a Mary-Sue...cheerleader, perfect in all classes, random boyfriends...yep, that'll be...fun? Ew, I don't want to think about it.

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Review #21, by NevillefanWithout You: Letters from George

19th June 2007:
fear, happiness, longing-ness, and dread. lol.. I don't think longing-ness is a word. Perhaps you meant just plain "longing"?

THANKS for asking me to read your story!! I wish I had more CC to give you than some typos, but I've really got nothing. I love this story. I laughed, I cried. It's great. Those letters were genius.

Author's Response: Yeah, longingness isn't a word but I tried to make it one, lol.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, no worries for lacking CC. I'll take what I can get. Laughing, crying, that'll work for me. And I'm glad you liked the letters!

Thanks heaps!


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Review #22, by NevillefanWithout You: Apart

18th June 2007:
the xizarding school Ooo.. typo :) lol

Author's Response: LoL, thanks. I fixed it. (o:

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Review #23, by NevillefanWithout You: Goodbye

18th June 2007:
How am I supposed to do that, Ron? Okay. I'll admit it. I lost it here. I'm glad nobody's home right now. I've certainly made a right mess of myself.

Author's Response: You lost it, did you? A bit of a sad chapter, that one. I'm glad no one was home to see you making a right mess of yourself, either. LoL. (o:

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Review #24, by NevillefanWithout You: Anywhere But Here

18th June 2007:
He glanced Lupin, also, who seemed quite down, as he lowered himself into the seat next to the couch. This sentence seems to be a bit out of sorts...

Author's Response: Hehe, yeah sorry about that, I have really awkward wording at times. I'll take a look at that. (o:

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Review #25, by NevillefanMemoirs of Petunia: Turning On Porch Lights

18th June 2007:
An update! Ahh!

Aww that was cute! Taking the hated Vernon Dursley and making him likable :) This chapter was adorable.

Author's Response: Thank you! Part of the reason I had such trouble with this chapter was because I couldn't figure out how I wanted Vernon to be. I mean, we all see him as really horrid in the books, but the way I've done Petuniqa kind of ruins how vernon can be. My Petunia would never have gone out with the Vernon we all know and hate, so I had to sort of remake him. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to make him disagreeable again...

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