Elementary_Duck. You are my hero. Hands down. It seems like that Tom Riddle person had a good reason to kill Larry and Ginevra anyway. Good man, I think he is.Author's Response: He certainly did. Larry and Ginevra are just too whiny. Sherlock Holmes is where its at! Report Review
As far as I can tell, you're off to a wonderful start. I like Sian - she seems very interesting, and you have a good way with detailing things. Though I would be careful for not detailing things in one big lump of a paragraph. Space your descriptions out, and leave some room for the reader's creativity to fill in the spots. You do have, however, a marvelous air of mysteriousness.
I don't have much to say on the fact of switching perspectives, but I have a feeling it'd be much smoother should you split them into two chapters and elongate them should you split them up. And though your pace is a bit fast, it's certainly keeping me very interested - and I have a feeling you made it fast to get the vital part of your plot, and to move forward.
I like the mysterious aura and Sian as a character, she seems highly interested and I'll keep reading! Expect another review soon!
♥♥ GinniAuthor's Response: that was fast!
I think my future chapters have fixed all the things you pointed out, but I am editing everything over christmas (so why am i still requesting reviews? good question...)
thanks for reviewing, and i'm glad you liked it! Report Review
I'm here, as promised to give you a lovely review (strange how I start off nearly every review like this XD, anyway). You've got a pretty solid start going on here. A good structure for a plot line, the subtle hints at the beginning about what's going to happen in the future (i.e. Harry coming to Hermione for help on Ginny foreshadows the event of which Ron specifies on - more help in the form of a book, a guide).
I did catch a few things wrong with your grammar, however. Even though that's not my strongest point. “Hey Ginny.” Said Harry Here, you would take away the period, replace it with a comma and lowercase your 'said'. Said Harry isn't a complete sentence, and by connecting the dialog along with the action that happened with it - you have a better sentence structure.
Other than this that I've spotted, you've got Ron and Lavender's relationship down pretty dang good. Hermione's a bit tricky to master in first person, but I think you've got her pretty down pat. Over all, I think it was a very very good start and I'm not quite sure when I'll be able to review the next chapter, but keep an eye out or two, eh? ;D
GinniAuthor's Response: Well, first of all I would like to thank you for reviewing. It really helps when I hear from other people on the site about their opinions, and I really appreciate it. I'm glad you noticed the foreshadowing. You are the only person so far who has pointed it out in their review.
Grammer, grammer, grammer. Oh how it is my "favorite" part of writing. lol. I know I have some mistakes in there. What bugs me though, is the fact that if I accidentally put a period inside the quite, it capitalizes the "S", and I always seem to breeze right over it. Also, there should be a comma after "Hey" since there is a name in that sentence.
I'm glad you think that the relationship between Ron/Lavender is good. It is the first time I have ever written that ship before, so I am hopefully getting better as I go along. I have also realized along the way that Hermione is a pretty tricky person to master in first peron, but I think that I am beginning to get a better sense of her as I continue to write. I'm happy that you think she turns out fine.
It's okay with me that you don't get to the second chapter right away. I completely understand that we all don't have all the time in the world to spend on HPFF (although I am sure some of us really wish we did. =D).
Thanks so much again for reading and reviewing. I'm glad that you liked the first chapter. Report Review
Here I am, as promised!
I, absolutely, adore, Neville. Always have. And you just made me adore him even more. I went through a phase when I first came here, where all I would read was canon and that's it. Just canon. I would refuse to accept anything un-canon would be good reading material. Now grown out of the phase, I'm being brought to brilliant authors with respective talent (wink wink!) who have written unusual situations that can most definitely fit into canon. Though, I've never really phased into something with Neville and Ginny, those two characters have always intrigued me.
And let me say, that you've clashed them together beautifully! I love Neville's point of view in this, in third person. His wind, his Ginny. The wind concept was absolutely beautiful. Bringing it back like that, throughout the piece. I was for sure that he'd have to deal with the loss of his wind, of his Ginny -but then you added that twist in there. I love the Ginny and Harry bit as well, Ginny asking him whether he really loved her or not, and how he was a tad hesitant, stuttering.
I absolutely adore this piece, and I can't really find any typos within it. You've got an interesting flow, and the song fits oh-so-perfectly.
GinniAuthor's Response: I so glad you like it. Neville has always been one of my favorite characters. I'm glad that you've managed to grow out of the stage where you like un-canon things, though at the time I wrote this (prior to DH) it could very well have happened (and I wish it had. Neville/Ginny is one of my favorite pairings).
I'm glad you thought that the wind concept was nice. I honestly have no idea how I came up with it, but I'm quite fond of it, nontheless. I'm glad I managed to fool people into believing that Neville was going to lose, because I thought it would be so obvious. But it wasn't, which I'm really happy about.
I'm glad to see that you picked up Harry's hesitance. Too many people feel sorry for Harry, when they're not supposed to, because he no longer loved Ginny and I tried to make that as clear as possible, but still in a poetic, un-cliche sort of way (him still trying to convince them both that he loved her)
Yes, I thought the song fit it wonderfully. It's the ultimate Neville/Ginny song, and it was what inspired me to write this story. So I'm glad you liked that.
Thanks so much for the wonderful review, and I'm so sorry for taking so long to respond. Thanks again! Report Review
Like promised, school is over and I'm here to review and let me tell you it was an amazing Sirius/Lily piece. I've read very few of these, so very very few - and I have to say Violet, that this was absolutely amazing. I love the fact that he was reminiscing about the last conversation they had had together, touching, very touching. There's not much really I can say. You have a magnificent style and flow going on. I love it. It's one of those few 'depressed non-happy Sirius-fics' that I've read and liked.
The point of view, like you asked me to touch on was great. While first person is great to get deeper into a character's head, you managed to do it excellently through third person. I loved it from Sirius' POV in third person. It was fantastic. The flashback had to be my favourite park ever. Typical Lily and Sirius brawl! ;D
“You’re soiled goods. Another man’s tart.” This line had to be one of my favourites within the flashback, and the entire one shot all together. It's so in character for Sirius. To try and apologize, then biting the word back, and getting angry and blaming someone else instead. I loved it. Your portrayal of him was brilliant.
I did catch, I believe, one typo.
after things had once again too far
I think here you're missing the word ''gone'' between again and too. Just a little slip up. Everyone makes them. ♥
Other than that, I absolutely loved it Violet. To the favourites it goes!
GinniAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing this, Ginni. :) It's great that there was only that tiny little typo in there - everyone makes mistakes, and I make a lot more. :P I've been trying out the third person extremely limited narrative style because it's nice not to write a million "I's" in a story yet it's also good to get an inside vision of the character. Sirius is a hard one to do with that since he's so multifaceted and complex, but I'm glad it pulled off well enough. :) It's great that his whole portrayal turned out - I really appreciate knowing that. Thanks so much for taking the time to give such a great review. ^_^ Report Review
Hello there! I'm here as promised for a wonderful review! ;D
I'll be truthful for you and tell you that this is the first femmeslash that I've read for Harry Potter. Normally, I stay away from them in fear that they're overly cliche, but your's was really impelling. Hermione's grief, the way you portrayed her, was brilliant. The fact that she didn't know? Definitely a sign you've got her down to a 'T'. She was so distressed that she didn't care if someone knew that she didn't know something.
Luna, was portrayed very well as well. I could practically hear Evanna Lynch's voice in my head saying each and every word you had Luna say. It's so typical of her to have crazy beliefs, yet you showed her the same way, a little bit out of it, but with a belief that's as firm and real as ever. So thus, your characterization - is pretty much all together and good. I loved your ending; endings are the end of the circle for a story - it's got to be strong enough to pull all of the way around, connect the edges, and your ending was very very strong.
Though I've never lost a parent, you made me feel for Hermione. Sympathy, Empathy, and the like. Great job.
As for the plot, I think you've got that down pretty well. Although it seemed a bit fast paced during the kissing and what not scenes, it was pretty well paced. Though, a tip (you can take it or not, it doesn't matter! Constructive Criticism!) would be to have Hermione hesitating before she dives into that. Contradicting. Like, have her thinking if it was right, if it was okay to be doing this in her parents' house? Was it alright to be doing something odd and strange, something new? Something along those lines. It would keep her a bit more to her character, even though you've got her down pat.
Other than that, brilliant job! As for the first femmeslash I've read on here, it's remarkable. ♥
Ginni.Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for the awesome review! Yay for being the first femmeslash you've read and yay-er that you enjoyed it hehe. ^_^
I'm really glad you thought they were both in character, as I think it's definitely the most important part.
Thanks for the CC; I like that idea a lot actually. It would definitely be in character as well as adding a bit more conflict.
Thanks loads and loads for reviewing!
x Katie x Report Review
I'm here as promised, and there isn't really much I can say about this so far. You've got a magnificent, intricate writing style that I absolutely adore. And overall you had me intrigued of what each and every character's purpose in this story is meant for. Especially Natalia. Mathias and Celeste are both interesting too, but it's Natalia that genuinely caught my interest. The next few chapters I probably won't review unless I have to (something spectacular I see and the likewise) but I will review the last chapter you have up.
Likewise, this is an AMAZING start, and I'm off to finish a few more tasks before I read more.
Ginni.Author's Response: Ginni, thank you for coming and taking a gander at my story. *Smiles* Thank you for saying I have an intricate writing style. It's taken forever to get it that way, but I'm glad that you truly like it. And characters are what I strive to get perfected. It's good to know that you're trying to understand the purpose for each of them. Natalia, one of my more favorite OCs that I've ever created. She's intricate and mysterious and completely and utterly evil. No worries about not reviewing the next few chapters, but if you can let me know on the last chapter I posted, I would love you forever. I'm glad you found this to be a good start. It means a lot to me. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Here I am, as promised, and let me say, I've seen this before, I believe. I never thought to read it, though I've read some of your others, and I've got to tell you, you have quite an interesting style. Your short-moderate length sentences seem to work with Will (or should I say Wyll? ;D)'s attitude and grief he's going through. You really made me feel the pain that he was sure to feel.
I do, however, have a favourite line in this. It was absolutely brilliant.
Silvery laughter lit her gold-bright eyes, emblazoned her countenance and served as the cornerstone of her character, the epicenter of her bronzed beauty. The dragonfire of her soul.
Favourite line, anyone? Brilliant use of alliteration, excellent imagery. It was very cleverly written out and it shows your high use of vocabulary. Definitely ranks as one of my favourite lines ever in fanfiction.
A day so thrilling that perhaps even Binns can keep future students awake with the tale.
This line made me laugh. You've kept me intrigued with this line, through and through. I had to reread it again, it makes me smile. I can totally see you writing another piece on the final battle (I normally don't go with the missing scenes with other characters from the book, or other outtakes from it, but you've convinced me!) of Professor Binns explaining it all out to his future students, and having them hanging on every word. Perhaps one of Will's children? I'm giving you a plot bunny on a silver platter, here. XD
And I absolutely adore your bolded effect on Will's outburst. Brings the eyes directly towards that line and gives it so much power. Normally, I'd detest using bolding in such a way, but this really puts the emphasis on his agony.
There were, however, some typos that I caught, but really nothing a beta can't fix. Anyway, to touch on the bits you wanted me to touch on. I loved the ending; the ending of a story has to bring it full round again, like completing a half drawn circle. It's got to have enough power to close it off, tie off the ends. You do have a good, strong ending - however, I have a feeling it would work better if you made the last line "I believe it does and that Wynter would've liked it." into two sentences with a bit of emphasis. Maybe make it "I believe it does." And then separately, perhaps on the next line down "Wynter would have liked it."
It's just one of those things that gives it more emphasis, more meaning. As for the pace, I don't think it's monotonous. You kept my interest the entire way through, with those little surprises like the bolds, the alliteration, and the Binns line. Your pace is perfect, especially for something as agonizing as having a lover leave someone.
Overall, it was a fantastic piece. I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
To the favourites, AHOY!
Ginni.Author's Response: Ginny,
Thank you so much for the care and detail you put into this review. I'm speechless and don't know quite how to respond to it.
I like the Binns idea that you gave me and may write something on that eventually ( but I have like six projects in mind plus two novels) but I'm trying to branch out into humor and I think that is the genre most of my next few pieces will be in. I have a unique funny bone and you may have noticed that just about everything I write has an element of dark parody to it.
I just put this out for beta and I like your idea for the ending here and have already implemented it.
I'm flattered also that you liked the one line so much, I wrote it and it seemed a bit pompous to me as I don't usually go for showy writing, but if fit here because if fit Will as it would any lover in this situation as early in love most lovers tend to idolize their lovers. Think Romeo and Juliet.
And I don't know what else to say other then thank you for the review and for putting this in your favorites.
Wow. This was AMAZING. I haven't seen any fic on Alice like it, and it really shows how the Crucio affected her mind. It's brilliant, the repetition and everything fits in perfectly with the effects. I loved it so much. Especially when she thought she was shrinking in age and then was fifteen with Frank. And then how it switched to her being in St. Mungo's.
Really, it was brilliant. 10/10 and to the favourites it goes.Author's Response: Aw, thank you, dear! This was a really kind review and I may need to deflate my ego now. *pulls out ego deflater and watches ego shrink back to normal size* Thanks again! Report Review
I love you guys.
You always make me laugh.
This reminds me of the good old days, our role-play you know.
-itchitchitch- Must have one. Now.
You two never cease to amaze me, you know that.
GinniAuthor's Response: Gin!!*HUGGLEGLOMPATTACK* My Gin...We lurv you too!! It is our job to make you laugh, is it not? You made us laugh several times as well. Tahi started it and we get ideas from the good old site. How we miss thee, DM!
Our insanity never ceases to amaze anyone ^_^
Luv ya bunches!
FLEA!! *crash tackles* As Mandy said, it's our job to make you laugh. We kinda missed DM very much and decided to make it proud of us. Hehe. Keep checking, though. We'll have new surprises up anytime now.
Missing you loads,
Tahi or Miss Burpy, as you prefer :P Report Review
Dear merlin, you actually made me cry. I started to spark tears just as Ginny began to repeat time with trying to save Harry, bringing back Lily. I actually choaked out a sob once or twice. I'm a hard shell to crack, let me tell you, and you managed to do it, by God.
I'm completely shattered that Jay's off retired now, no doubt with Krispy Kreme donuts and pink flamingos somewhere. =D I miss him dearly, and this truly, truly was amazing, a dedication to him.
I can't say anymore than I am in awe, a good awe, inspiring awe, marveling awe, you name it. I have it. It was an amazing tribute and I wish I had my thesaurus because I'm in bad need of more adjectives to describe this. =D I admire your talents, and Jay's too.
You've made me think, long and hard, about where I would be in Harry's situation, would I have that much strength to put myself where I needed to be in the right moment in time, or would I let myself succumb and fail. Jay didn't fail. He succeeded, and I don't know whether you've tried to convey this same message, or if it's merely ironic.
But it works perfectly.
I adore it.
-GinniAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Piper! I see you! Author's Response: Ahahahaha.
I see you too, Ginni!
(Don't worry, she's not a stalker, her computer screwed up in the middle of her review and this was all it posted.) Report Review
TRUSTED! WWWO!! I'm so proud of you! HAPPY TRUSTEDNESS.
And I feel so bad for Lily, and this certainly was a filler chapter that was filled with more happiness than usual. Wonderfully written, hun, keep writing.Author's Response: Thank you! Go being Trusted!! Whooeee!!
Yep, it was... I decieded to put in a few happy chapters. But after... whoa. There will be tears! xP
Thank you so much Ginni!!! *huggles*
xxxoooxxxoooprongsie_potter_rulezxxxoooxxxooo Report Review
Oh my. Goodness.
You had MY heartrate up here, dear.
This is superbly wonderful and you've grown so much in your writing, it clearly shows. Watch out for your short sentences too much, though in this situation - it fits the diction and syntax perfectly. It's wonderful, dearest Prongsie. Keep it up!
GinniAuthor's Response: Heyo Ginni! xD
I'm sorry m'dear =] Shall happen again, don't you worry.
-blushes- Thank you so much xD. I think I've definately improved over the course of this story anyway!
Ug. Short sentences. My downfall. I love them too much!!
Thanks so much!!
Next one soon - Chpt 21 submitted yesterday! xD
Bubi Ginni xP -waves-
xxxoooxxxoooprongsie_potter_rulezxxxoooxxxooo Report Review
Awww, sorry that it's taken me so long to read this Prongsie, but I love it!!! It's so cute, and I know how hard it is to control a PS2. I have one, and I suck at racing. By Merlin, Fred and George are probably better than me! XD Good job, and I can't wait my friend!
**GinAuthor's Response: No problem SlytherinGinny =]
PS2... love hate relationship there. Depends on the game... and level its on xP
Thank you so much xD
Updates soon! Next chapter submitted 7 days ago...=]
xxxoooxxxoooprongsie_potter_rulezxxxoooxxxooo Report Review
Prongsie, luv, your amazing. And your welcome!!!
-Ginni-Author's Response: Thx so much!!!
xxxoooxxxoooprongsie_potter_rulezxxxoooxxxooo Report Review
Wow, I never imagined Lucius being the type to go on about things like that after getting out of Azkaban but now that I think about it, he would be that sort, especially about their hair.
What is it with evil guys and their hair? I wonder if their hair gives them their almighty power... *ponders*
Anywho, great job Jollie, I think you captured Lucius in a humourous light, something I didn't expect ever to read, but bravo! I congratulate you and thanks for given me a well needed laugh!
-Gin-Author's Response: yay thanks! I know, a humorous Lucius seems kind of...not right...lol...but I like approaching stories that way. :) Report Review
So you say this is out of your realm, huh? I say you did a dang good job with it. It was cute, pure fluff, with that little hint of drama and I like it. I really do. I feel sad for Ron, and what he has to go through in this fic, what he would have to go through in the future, but I like how you portrayed him as hanging on, and even with that bit from Pomfrey in there, it was perfect. It finished things off magnificently. Bravo on doing a splendid job on something that's out of your realm!
-Ginni-Author's Response: Thanks very much. I'm so happy that the many R/Hr shippers out there think I did well with this. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to write it.
Thank you so much for your review! *Eli* Report Review
This was, I agree with your author's note, a short read, but pleasant as well. I like the way you portrayed Cho, and Cedric's note was so sad, the way he feared he would die and leave her. Now, I'm not fond of Cho, but I read this anyway because of the pretty banner catching my eyes.
Overall, I like it and good job.
-Gin-Author's Response: thank you :) ya especially after ootp i wasn't fond of her much either, but i'm glad you decided to read it :) Report Review
Aw, tiffers, you made me nearly cry. I think you portrayed Bill brilliantly, and I loved the flashback and everything. Poor Bill, I don't have anything else really to say. You've left me speechless.
I really don't have any of that CC, or grammar or anything wrong with this that I have to point out because it's simply brilliant and is one of the most emotional pieces I've seen written about an elder Weasley, especially for Bill. I loved it. And it's going straight to the favourites where it belongs. You did an excellent job and for that, I give you cookies. *gives cookies*
Thank you for that wonderful read.
-Ginni- 10/10Author's Response: Aww, well I did shed a tear or two when I wrote this story! I am so pleased that you liked Bill, and that flashback was so enjoyable to write! I am happy that you enjoyed the story.
Wow, thank you so much for these amazing compliments. I love Bill, and I wanted a fluff piece that was about more than a ship, and more about the relationship between brother and sister! Thank you for everything, it means a lot to me! Report Review
You've already heard what I've got to say Prongsie, and I'm surprised it got up quicker than I thought. I believe this is a filler chapter, but it's certaintly got that suspense, at least for me, that keeps me thinking, I wonder what will happen next? Great job, once again.
Author's Response: Lol, yea, I submitted it quickly :)
Yes, you're right :) this is a filler!!! thx so much :P
xxxoooxxxoooprongsie_potter_rulezxxxoooxxxooo Report Review
Okay, so like I promised I'm here to review the first chapter.
I only have a few things to say on here, and then I'm going to PM you the rest of the junk up my sleeve. The only comment I'm going to say here is that you might want to readjust your spacing. Having it so far appart makes it more tedious and long to read. Don't squash it, don't get me wrong, but other than that, I think it was good. With a few fixer-upper things you'll be roaring to go.
I'm off to PM you now.
-Ginni-Author's Response: Ah, I hate the way how it looks, but for some strange reason I wasn`t able to make it look normal. I tried and tried but nothing happened, so I left it this way. I think I`ll try to change it soon. And I`m happy to hear that you think it`s good.
Thanks! Report Review
Oh Dobby. This is amazing. I love it. It portrays Ginny wonderfully, and I know how it's like to be the youngest girl in a group of boys, and even though it's not all that emotional or everything, I could definitely feel what she was feeling, looking at her brothers and such. I really like it and I can't find anything wrong with it.
In truth, it's kind of like a fairy-tale, or one of those moral stories I read as a little kid. I really like it, Dobby. And well done, props, kudos, and yay!!
-Gin-Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad I could get the moral part down...it wasn't planned to be like that, but once I thought of it, I was really hoping to get that down. Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Okay, so I promised to read one of your fics, and I chose this one.
I do have some constructive critism, I hope you don't mind. I think you're going a tad to fast. Give readers some time to sort everything out, Harry leaving, Ginny getting married, maybe spruce it up with a few flashbacks or so. Like a flashback of Harry leaving, one of Dean proposing, all through Ginny's point of view.
Add that stuff in there and I think you'll have an even better fic!
-Gin-Author's Response: The flashbacks will come in the sequel. Thnks for your criticism. Reviews like yours help me a lot. Report Review
Aw, Tahi. Short but sweet.
I love the connection between Helga and Godric, it's so romantic -crinkles nose- -cue the "awwws'' from the audience- I'm glad you've found time to write in between school, since I know it's hard on you...
And aw, poop. I'm spamming a review. -headdesk-
Well Tahi, I'm going to let you go, and say that this was a short, sweet, to the point chapter and I lurve it. Good job, my friend.
-your loveable huggable Gin-Author's Response: Morg!!!!!!!!!! Where have you been? No message, no PM, atleast you could have informed me that you are safe and alive! *glares* *breaths in, breaths out* Alright, I am calm. Yes, time is precious right now. But I found time to write the 10th and the 11th chapter. 12th chapter is half complete. It's gonna be a great big chapter so it'll take time. Thanks so much for the great review, Flea. I am glad you liked it. The next chapter is going to be a lot better. Stay in touch. *huggles Gin* Report Review
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