WOw good chapter! But once again I have some constructive (yes, it's constructive, don't look at me like that!) criticism: That little voice in the back of your mind that tells you right from wrong is your conscience. Your conciousness is something different, your being awake, alert, and aware of your surroundings.
Keep up the good work!! Report Review
Good story, but you really need to do some proof reading. Just go over it after you write it- especially the newspaper article.
Good job so far, keep writing!! Report Review
retreating, NOT retrieving!
re·trieve: (r-trv) v.
1.To get back; regain.
2. To rescue or save.
3. Sports. To make a difficult but successful return of (a ball or shuttlecock, as in tennis or badminton).
re·treat: (r-trt) n.
1. The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant.
2. The process of going backward or receding from a position or condition gained.
I'm sorry for being snappy, but you use that phrase so much incorrectly it's taking away from the story. Please fix and keep on writing, I love your work!!!
Good story, but I just can't see Voldemort getting into politics. He strikes me more as a "Godfather"-type character, staying in underground and having his goonies do the dirty work. Blatantly and openly declaring one's discrimination against another race or group is never good for the reputation, no matter how many followers are aquired. Author's Response: I suppose I could see Voldemort as the "Godfather", but I don't think that he got his taboo from working underground...I think he was really open about how he felt, and since many of the Wizarding Community feel the same, I don't think it woudl be that bad for his reputation. I don't know though--that's just how I would imagine it would be. Report Review
Ergh..I'm sorry....I couldn't even finish this chapter...Author's Response: Was it really that bad? Well, fine. While we're being honest, you're pretty mean sometimes. Report Review
Reviewing!! Five or six more chapters? But they're only in fifth year! I liked this one, but it kind of had a lightheaded feel to it. And two months?! Come on!! I'll never last that long!!!! TYPE FAST!!Author's Response: Ahh, where are you coming up with these numbers? I can't remember saying that anywhere. You're freaking me out!!! (by the way, glad you liked the chapter).
UPDATE NOW!!!Author's Response: I'm trying, I'm trying Report Review
Write fast! You're smart! You're speedy! YOU'VE GOT THE POWER!!!Author's Response: Yay! I'VE GOT THE POWER! Report Review
Erm...sorry...but i HATED that chapter....it's such a big twist that the storyline gets bent in all sorts of directions....and it didn't exactly have a main event, either....
better luck next time!Author's Response: Aww, you really HATED it? Oh well, at least you're honest, huh? This chapter didn't really have a main event because it's kind of a part one of a little plot. I mean, I just end my chapters where I think my readers will be most intrigued (hem, hem, annoyed) or where I'm just tired and want to get an update over with...But I had planned where I wanted to end this one. Sure, it's not a hugely significant chapter in the action sense of the plot, but it WILL turn out to be a necessary part. Just wait and see. Now let me go scrape up some happy thoughts so I can forget about this review..... Report Review
Only five chapters to go......keep updating!!! PLEASE!!!Author's Response: Ah, it's coming!!! Report Review
The only reason I am reviewing is that I don't want to finish the chapters you've written so far...I'll drive myself insane waiting for the next one.
So, very good chapter, a little vague in parts, and Lily does seem to have a lot of mood swings. (i've found that it's easier to write about how a character feels when the author feels the same; i.e. cheerful, bummed, repressed, etc.) I like how you subtly hint that Lily is starting to like James, though.
Oh, and by the way...
"James’ smile lingered on his face but a hint of deep interest had crept into it. Lily thought she detected a trace of hope, too."
<Author's Response: Oh yes...Lily is extremely confused and messed up in that chapter. She just doesn't really know what to feel. And I TOTALLY know what you mean about the author feeling the same way as the character. I cannot write happy parts when I'm depressed or pissed off and vice versa....probably one of the reasons why it takes me a while to get a chapter done. Cause I really have to get in the right mood and I think it's easier, and the result is also much better. Thank you so much! great review!! Report Review
What?! AaH! too short!!! I don't want the story to end!! I want to read!!Author's Response: Hahaha! It's not quite over for you yet... Report Review
Ah! Poor Lily!! This chapter is a kind of deja-vu...exactly what happened to Harry, but for different reasons. I really like it! The story's like a roller-coaster: ups and downs and right now, in the middle of a pretty big twist. Keep up the good work, and update as fast as you can!!Author's Response: I don't know what you mean about it being exactly like what happened to Harry....You mean with Cho? Because this whole thing with Clive and Lily, sure, they're not exactly meant for each other either, but it's more of an esteem issue with Lily. With Harry, I'd say they had different priorities and they just didn't go together well....But I'm so happy you like the story. Thanks for the reviews...they actually make me think about my own fic. Thanks! Report Review
That was a very good chapter, I think. A tad on the confusing side but you snap it back up at the end.
It's one of those stories where you're reading it and go, "What the heck is his problem?" And inwardly decide not to talk to that person, but then suddenly remember that they don't exist.
Keep up the good work and update quickly! I read fast!Author's Response: Yeah, I just skimmed it and I agree, it is a tad confusing. If I had written it now, I would do it differently but whatever. I'm not prepared to rewrite the whole thing. haha! I love the way you put that...deciding not to talk to the characters. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Aah! I don't like how it jumps to Harry at the end!Author's Response: Whoa...I forgot I'd even done that. I went back to read that part and I agree, it was pretty cheesy. But I wrote that chapter over two years ago so give me a break. hehe. I like to think I've come a long way since then. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I really like the story! It's weird how you have them only in fifth year, though..Author's Response: Yes, I know. When I first started this thing, which was a LONG time ago, I planned on going right up to when Lily and James die and going canon the whole way. But that's certainly not going to happen. I've edited the fic to make it sixth year but I can't post that on this site because so many people have read it and it would confuse them. That is just one of the MANY things I would change about this story if I could. Report Review
If you want reviews, you shouldn't write a story that makes people want to keep reading!!! ;) nice storyAuthor's Response: Ah, but then no one would read it and I wouldn't get reviews anyway. Haha...Thanks!!! Report Review
type the next chapter!! fast!!Author's Response: AHHHHH! I'm working on it! Report Review
must...keep...reading....eyes...fried to computer screen.....Author's Response: O_O LASER VISION.... haha =) Report Review
Erm....you lost me at "I, James E. Potter, am going on a date with the Lily Evans." Report Review
Write the next chapter!!! HURRY!!!
Lol amazing story! The battle for Middle-Earth...that really had me laughing and my parents actually were giving me worried looks. Ha!Author's Response: Well, getting parents to give their children worried looks is what I do best, you know! I'm glad you decided to come and check this story out, and i hope that you like the rest of the chapters! As for the battle for Middle-Earth...well that would be my odd lotr obsession coming out into the open. lmao, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
awesome job! Report Review
this is such an amazing story! i keep telling myself not to read it so fast or it will be over. One thing, though-it's retreating, not retrieving. lol but this is so awesome! keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) Report Review
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