I've been meaning to read this story for ages--I'm so happy to see the Merope/Tom thing explored. It's probably one of the most fascinating relationships in the books, and so far you are doing a great job!
Sorry this is so short, but I have to run. I just wanted to let you know so far so good, and I will certainly be back to read the rest!Author's Response: Hey! I love your penname by the way, it's making me thirsty :P Thank you very much for reading my story and I'm happy that you think I'm doing okay! I agree with you, Tom/Merope is a relationship that fascinates me because it plays with the idea of messing with love, and what can happen as a result. Love is a major, major theme in the Potter books, and it's interesting that while Harry was created by love and saved by love, our buddy Voldie wasn't so lucky, coming into the world without love and never quite understanding it.
Thanks for your review and I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story if you decide to continue on! :) Report Review
Lots of interesting stuff already in this story! First of all, you are clearly writing very smart fanfiction, which is a huge compliment, but I have to say it's almost too smart. It wouldn't hurt to simplify some of the prose for clarity.
I liked the opening scene very much, and the thing about the "always dull moment," though of course I probably didn't get it one bit :) It was something very different for fanfiction--I feel like it was out of an EM Forster novel. Where on earth did you get that idea, anyway? Very cool.
So overall very nice job--this is original to say the least, and you're a very capable writer. My only qualm is, again, to simplify simplify. I'm not saying dumb down your work or anything, just make it more smooth and reader-friendly. I hope that makes sense! Now I'm on to the next chapter!Author's Response: *takes a very, VERY deep breath*
First of all, thanks so much JuicyJuice (what a fun penname) for taking the time to read and review my fic. I've been patiently waiting for some feedback, trying to reassure myself that I'm not writing a completely worthless form of entertainment, and it's definitely paid off. Secondly, I really appreciate the huge compliment, but more so the constructive criticism. I’ll definitely consider those factors as I continue writing. Smoother, reader-friendly, got it. I’ll admit I wasn’t sure how clear I was being, so thanks for pointing that out.
And I’m glad you enjoyed the opening scene, it was interesting to write. Again, sorry for being a bit unclear about the ‘always dull moment’. I’m not sure how to explain how I came up with it, heh, I think I was just considering some truths. It’s like this: How do you know that you’re happy if you’ve never been sad before? That sort of thing, haha. There’s always that piece of contrast. Also keep in mind that Uncle Nick is a bit eccentric. The fact is that neither saying is right b/c there’s always that gray area. And the ‘always dull moment waking up’ is proving the gray areas’ existence. *scratches chin* I’m pretty sure that makes sense.
Also, it’s kind of funny (and sad, in my case) that you mentioned EM Forster, because I’ve never read any of his books, but that is why you rock because now I’ve got another author to look into, wooo!
That's my absolute favorite part of the books, too! And you're right, the song fit like a glove to every single scene you chose. Very nice songfic. I wish you'd used a little less of what's alreay in the books, though, and written more of your own stuff. It was still great, though.Author's Response: Thank You! I have to agree about using less of what was already in the books, but it fit in. Thanks again for the really nice review! Report Review
Wow, poor little thing. I liked the end of this chapter a LOT. But I found all the "We're wizards!" dialogue a bit awkward. Maybe you were rushing to get through it (and I'd say it's not even that necessary, since we all know they're wizards anyway). But the end of the chapter was really well done. I think you're great writing in Alea's head, and doing the pity-me bit. I don't even know what's going to happen and I already feel so sorry for her. And nice scissors metaphor :) Report Review
This is a very cute intro and set up--and pretty sad, isn't it? Can't wait to see what's next! Report Review
Nice ending. I'm such a sucker for nice endings! But it's a bit tragic, isn't it? Does he ever actually come back for her? The funny thing is that you really want him to, even though he's Salazar Slytherin.
I wish you would have addressed how Helga felt about his intolerance, since it goes against her general message. I really liked, though, how Helga's "loyalty" tied into the story so perfectly, and in a way you wouldn't quite expect.
As for your characterizations (since you asked for help on that), I liked them. At first I thought they were a bit typical, but you mixed up the plot enough in the story to make up for it, and you built a very intriguing love...square. There's something so cool about Founder's stories. So really good job! I wouldn't complain if you wrote more of this type story...and maybe told us how it ends with Salazar and Helga, though I can guess :).
(I'm trying to return the favor of all the lovely reviews you've left me--so let me know how I've done, and I hope to come back and do more later. You have a TON of one-shots, don't you? Well, so far so good!)Author's Response: Yeah, it probably is a little tragic. I wrote it with the intention that Salazar does come back to her and perhaps one day, I'll write a story where he does.
Well, as I've said, I'm new to the Founders-era, but that is an excellent point. I wish I'd addressed that as well. I'll definitely include it next time.
Typical, like cliche typical? I think I was just taking what I had learned from the very few stories that I've read about the Founders. I took a lot from hp-lexicon, too, haha. Teehee. Love square. Yes, I totes agree. (Forgive me for my use of the phrase "totes") I think it's the whole medieval factor. Who doesn't love that image? I'm thinking I might end up doing the POVs of Slytherin and Gryffindor as well, just to get the whole story in there. I might have to do the ending of Salazar and Helga, if you really want it. It'd be a while for any of that, though, since I have wayyyy too many challenges to cover. *scolds self for taking on more than she can handle*
(Well, it's really not necessary, but I really appreciate it! I really admire your stories and writing style, so it's fantastic to hear input from one of my favorite writers. I would definitely love to hear from you again! Hah. Yeah. One-shots are kind of my thing. I have so many ideas for longer stories, but I have absolutely no time to do them. I don't want to stop writing, though, and a one-shot generally takes me 1-2 hours. When I write regular stories, I always have to write the whole story before I start posting, because I hate making people wait. So that doesn't really happen. Please, though, don't feel obligated to read everything. I've got, like, 30 stories- no exaggeration.)
Whoooosh. That was a long response. Report Review
There's a cool simplicity to this story. I've always liked the idea that history is waaay different than we expect it to be, and here's proof. She made a conscious decision to cover up her wrongdoings, but since it was in a sort of woman-spirit way, we totally forgive her. If you really wrote this in just an hour, you're my hero. I can write about two sentences in an hour ;). Nice job.Author's Response: Hey, it's you!! *hugs...swears she's not a creep* I know, really. I kind of get the sense that Rowena was a medival age feminist...or something. I don't even know. See, the thing is, I can't sit there for hours and think and write. I have to wait for inspiration to strike and when it does, it all spews out ridiculously quickly. That's why things that should be longer usually aren't. Or whatever. Thanks for reviewing! It's great to get your input! :) Report Review
Is that really the end? Don't get me wrong, I liked the story, but that is not really a place to end...
Okay, so good things: I loved Lily. She was funny and self-centered and oh-so teenagery. The style is perfect. It flows well and she's just so obnoxious in a cute way. For some reason I love it when she says "la di da" like that--it made me laugh. Also, I've never seen any blog-type fic before, so that's very creative of you. Really good job with all-ll-ll-ll-ll-ll that!
(Loving) CC: Maybe there should be a bit more about WHY she hates Harry. Obviously she's mad he "killed himself" but you can't fill up 50 blogs with that. Since this story is slightly AU, it'd be helpful to know more about what exactly he did in the past, etc. But that's nitpicky. My real thing is that Lily should show WAY more curiosity about why he is back. Even if she hates him, she will still wonder (in a hateful way) why he faked his own death in the first place. If you think that she's the type to just not care, then say so in the story. It just felt like it was missing. She took it all too placidly, in some way.
Cool story. I vote you keep going! I wanna know what Harry's deal is!Author's Response: No, oh gosh no! I'll be updating this story until I find a good place to end. (Not sure when that will be...)
Thank you! I'll just move onto the CC now. ^^
Well, in my mind her blog started off about hating Harry, but kind of evolved into hating... well, everything. I know what you mean, and it makes sense. Don't worry, we'll see some of the stuff that he did later on in the story.
About the curiosity, right now she's just extremely angry and upset that its all she can focus on. But, in the next chapter or so, we'll see her trying to dig and find something that maybe gives her some reason.
Lol, it will keep going. I don't know how often I'll update it. (It didn't take me very long to crank that chapter out...) But I will update it! Thanks for the long review, haven't gotten one of these in a while! Report Review
Keep this going! It has such an intruiging beginning! I really want to know what happened between Tom and Minerva, etc. I don't think she's out of character at all, actually, I could imagine a young Minerva just like this (it's wierd to think of her as a young woman, though). If you ever get inspired you should really continue this. McRiddle is the strangest/coolest ship ever!Author's Response: McRiddle.. lol. :P Yeah, I love that ship too. It's just so strange! :D I'm really glad you liked the beginning. I have started writing the second chapter, but I find it much harder than what I first had thought, so I'm not sure when it'll be up. I'll try to update soon for you, though! ;) Oh, and I'm glad you didn't think she was too OOC. I was really afraid people would think so... Report Review
That was awesome. Very believable and understated. I love this ship, but it's certainly hard to do, since one of them is supposedly incapable of love. So you did a very nice job getting around that, with the whole "join me" thing. And wow was he creepy! Brilliant writing, nice flow--just...great job. Report Review
Wow, I can't tell you how much I love the Lucius/Delilah/Sirius triangle. Something about it makes me so sad. I can't wait to see what happens...Something in me really wishes that Lucius and Delilah could really be together...though I guess it's not fated to be. Still, they worked somehow. Please don't break my heart too bad when/if they can't be together.
Whoa, so weird, "Samson" just started playing on my computer!!! What perfect timing, I love life. Can't wait to read more! Please update soon!
(and PS- I laughed out loud when Peter piped in with "And the voice of a GOD!" hahaha...you kill me) Report Review
Wow, cool back-story with the bees and the scar! Cool details. Poor Albus really does seem like he's losing it a bit...
I like how you make him a big prick as opposed to our good old idealized Dumbledore; it's much more realistic. Can't wait to see if they find the Chamber of Secrets! (though I doubt it was written about in Hogwarts a History, seeing as Hermione doesn't know about it in CoS until McGonagall tells them..)
Great job, as usual. Please update when you can! Good luck with all your work and everything! Don't you wish fanfiction could be your homework sometimes? I do.Author's Response: Thank you thank you! I love writing backstories. Dunno why. And 'dumbledore' is apparantly old English for 'bumblebee'...ergo I made Percival a beekeeper! I'm never really ventured into the psychological realm in my writing, so I wanted to make Albus a wee bit nutty. And let's face it, Dumbledore was kind of a jerk. Making Harry a pig for slaughter...he had to do it, of course, but it's not a pleasant notion. We'll see if they can find the Chamber of Secrets...oops about the Hogwarts, A History bit. Not too bad of a slipup, I reckon, and I will fix it very soon. Thanks again! Bah, I hate schoolwork now. Yes yes yes I wish all my fanfiction writing could count for schoolwork! It's not like I spend all my time watching crappy VH1 reality shows (that's only some of the time)...I do something useful with my brain! Report Review
Uh-oh, now we get to find out who Maxim is...:) I personally can't wait!
Again, I'm totally sucked into this story. Nice job on her background story. But it's so sad that she (presumably) lost all her relatives!
Your writing proceeds flawlessly. I'm anxiously awaiting an update. Great work!Author's Response: Thank you thank you for your wonderful review.
And yes, I'm glad you caught that Maxim thing. I was worried people wouldn't remember from chapter one...
I'm working on chapter eight now, I wish I could get them out quicker, but I guess I have to be in a certain mood to write this one. Report Review
Wow, I've become totally sucked into your story. You managed to make a Marauder story fresh and offbeat--very rare, let me tell you. I like how you round out your characters. Take James, for example. He's not a great Quidditch captain? That's a really nice, unexpected detail. Sirius has a small package? Who knew? Or the fact that you have a Gryffindor and a Slytherin hooking up. That's just plain intriguing. And Narcissa stalking him was hilarious. (I'm only at the third chapter, though, I have to call it a night now, but I'll come back later!) I really appreciate stuff like that. It makes your story fun to read.
Okay, but what drew me into your story straight away is THE REGINA SPEKTOR REFERENCE! Couldn't bring the columns down? Delilah? That IS Regina, right? I totally love her. She's perfect.
All in all, great story. Keep it up!
(PS-Where's Peter Pettigrew? You can't just evaporate him, you know.)Author's Response: FIRST PERSON TO GET THE REFERENCE! GOLD! Report Review
AD/GG...what an intriguing ship...
This is very well done--Albus was naive and Gellert was scary as anything. I liked this because you took a different take that people usually do on this ship. They usually expect Dumbledore to have a more one-way infatuation, and in this, Gellert seemed WAY more taken with Dumbledore. That was almost sweet, the way he crawled into his window. :)
And I liked the thing about slowly losing the dream...I hate it when that happens...And the tension/chemistry between them, though short, was very well done. Really nice one-shot. Report Review
Wow. This is even more terrifying than the last one. I'm so glad you took my suggestion to write more because it came out brilliantly! I'll have you know that this is the first story on HPFF that I've ever given a 10/10 (yeah, I'm a little picky, I'm more of a 9 person). I just can't think of any way to improve it. I love what you did with their relationship. When I asked for a sequel I was thinking along the lines of "Wow, that'll be a disaster of a marriage after about a month," and you sort of took it in that direction, but you turned it into something MUCH more interesting and MUCH better.
I loved their fight/kiss scene, how he strayed but couldn't be satisfied by the other girl, your details about Bartemus Crouch, the total twist to the Longbottom torture scenes, and the end where he's still inexplicably devoted to her...All of it was just (freakily) perfect and surprising in the best of ways. And great writing as usual. So I just can't say it enough--awesome job. I think I'll run off and recommend this story now...:)Author's Response: Wow thank you so so so so so much for the lovely review! ^_^ I'm really glad you liked this as, for one, it's always tricky to pull off a sequel, and two, well, I really enjoy writing this pairing and plot so am happy you thought it came out well! And I do thank you for making the suggestion because I probably wouldn't have ever written a sequel in the first place if you hadn't! I am thinking of doing a sort of concluding part and making it a trilogy of one-shots, but this might not come into being for some time yet.
Anyway thank you very very much again for the awesome review, I really appreciate it! And for the 10/10! XD
Katie x Report Review
This was cute. Very simple and a bit nasty, like Myrtle...but it did make me feel sorry for her. I liked the details you added, like the wedding cake, and how she once asked that boy out and then at the end when (I assume) Ginny threw the book into the toilet...Very characteristic of Myrtle over all. Nice job! Poor Myrtle...Author's Response: Thanks so much :)
I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Myrtle, she's an interesting character. And yes, it was Ginny who threw the book/diary into the toilet. Report Review
This was a great story in many, many ways (thank you for PMing me!). First of all, you're working with an extremely creative, difficult ship, but you don't alter canon at all...you just sort of fill in the past in a very surprising way. AND you managed to keep Tom terrifying and disgusting and McGonagall all stern and righteous and still hook them up--definitely a feat! But what I loved most about this story was the detail. Even though it was a one-shot, you didn't skimp on the particulars. I loved things like "Myrtle Zonko," the explanation for Minerva's tight bun (hilarious), the uses of Exploding Fluid, her illegal Animagi (who would have thought?) and how Tom knew about it--it made the story surprising and interesting, and it was obviously all very well thought-out. Beautiful job on that.
You also wrote the Tom-Minerva relationship very well. It wasn't too much or too sappy or too unrealistic. It was kind of terrifying, questionably "love," and freakily passionate/angry. You said dark romance, and that's definitely what it was! :) My only qualm is that the first kissing scene was a bit hard to understand as a reader...I had to read it twice. Maybe it's just me, but you built up the tension really well in the dialogue, and not enough in the actions, so that by the time they kissed I'd forgotten how close they were and the sort of sexual-tension element. You'd do well to fill a little more in there. Same with when she runs and kisses him again (at first I thought she head butted him in the face, lol). As a writer, I know it's hard. I'm terrible at kissing scenes, I always rework them about a hundred times. And yours WAS awesome with the dialogue...just remember that the readers have no idea what's going to happen next like you do so you sort of have to prepare us no matter how shocking you want it to be.
My other suggestion (I know I don't shut up) is to...make this longer! I'm serious, this could go way further than a one-shot. This stuff is good. It leaves you wanting more. I want to know how Minerva feels, not only while she's in school but years later when he becomes Voldemort. I just think...you could do really cool stuff with this. But it's also fine as it is, if your finished with the plot bunny. The ending is really cool--"walking on the broken glass of each others’ well-kept secrets, in the dead of night letting their frustrations come to a head in the darkest of hallways, letting their contempt and loathing show for one another as they sat intertwined up against a wall."--come on, that's just awesome.
So seriously great job. Very well written, very well pulled off. I'm so glad you sent this to me!
Oh, but just one last thing (before my review becomes longer than your story :) ) I've thought about it and thought about it and I still REALLY can't understand the last line about the baby in King's Cross...at first I thought you meant Harry...then I thought you meant that Tom and MM had a baby...are you sure you meant King's Cross? Am I being stupid? If I'm missing something totally obvious, then sorry! :)
(I only write reviews like this on stories I REALLY like!!! Hooray for V/MM! I think I may just favorite this!)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! As for the baby thing I meant the reader to take it as the thing Harry saw at King's Cross to be a piece of voldemort's soul saved from the passion he kindled with Minerva.
As for the kissing scene yeah I'll have to work on that to not make it seem so violent in the future ( headbutt lol. xD )
And yet again thank you so much for the long review * throws confetti* I'm glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
Hooray! The Peverell thing finally comes into play! I'm very excited to see where this is going. Everything's still brilliant, and we're all waiting expectantly for more! Very nice job!Author's Response: Aw, you know I had to make the Peverell connection significant. And we're not quite done with it yet. Thank you very much for reviewing! Report Review
Hahaha, very amusing chapter! I love how you're funny without trying too hard (example: "The three of us have had very busy Tuesdays." - understated, hilarious!). And Dumbledore's a bit of a jerk isn't he? To his family and all. Very interesting, I'm on to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! Haha, understated would not be a word to describe me in real life, but I'm glad that's how my writing is. Yes yes, Dumbledore is a jerk. But he can still be our beloved headmaster and a jerk of a youngster. Report Review
The only problem with this chapter is that it's not half long enough! :) It left me dying for more, so I hope you're taking advantage of the two-day-long validation queue...
I really liked the background on Harry that we got in this chapter. It makes the changes in his character make a little more sense. But wow, was that sad! And Evangeline being afraid of Harry was very intriguing. I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thank you JuicyJuice. :) Yes, chapter seven is being written even now. I made chapter six that short because I felt it was a good place to stop.
But. I have a lot planned for chapter 7 *rubs hands together evilly*. Thank you for coming back to keep reading! Report Review
Haha, great song choice to go along with Snape! You write Snape very well, you should do more of it. I liked the nuance when he tried to defend the Hufflepuff--it wasn't overdone or OOC. And pretty cool how Harry figured it out...Very well done. I loved the ending! :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review. All of your coments were really encouraging. My next project is set when the Marauders are at school so there will be plenty of times for me to write Snape then. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. =) Report Review
Hey, just thought I'd let you know that your title/summary have some issues. It should be "The Feeling's Mutual" (notice the apostrophe), "unbeknownst," "Voldemort," and "succumbed."
I hate to be a pain, but these things are easy to fix and will probably get you more reads. :) Also, whenever I need help on a summary, I just post in the forums. Report Review
This story was great. I was plastered to the computer the entire time. I don't often go for mystery fics, but this one was well-written and suspenseful, yet not too complicated and not over-the-top. I loved the end where Tonks and Moody meet for the first time! And your murder-mystery loving Tonks was adorable! Nice work.Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's wonderful that you liked the story. The Tonks-Moody scene was one I really wanted to happen from the moment I started writing, so I'm sooo happy that you liked it. ^_^ Report Review
Very cute idea. I like it already! Just two suggestions...I think Harry should want Lily to stay away from Scorpius more for her own protection or something...he just doesn't seem the type to hold such a blatant, blind grudge after all those years (a grudge yes, but not in such a hateful way)...but of course it's your story, so do whatever you want :). My second (and more helpful) suggestion is you might want to change your title to something a little more original...you've obviously got a great story brewing here, and I think it'd be a little more eye-catching with a less generic title...just a thought :). Very nice job though, keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you sooo much for reviewing! I know I need a better title but I can't think of anything...Any suggestions? And ur right, I should probably make him a little less hateful....I'll work on it! Thanks again! Report Review
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