Good first start. You may want to consider writing in third, and not first, person. It is difficult and distracting with all of the "I"s. Great start!

Author's Response: haha thanku!!! and thanx 4 the awsome banner by the way; i LOVE it!!! nd im just like really used 2 writting in the first person. ill see if i can make a change tho; thanks!!!

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Oh, oh no! I am so glad you updated this wonderful story but oh how sad. Thank you for finishing it.

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Good chapter, you are a lot closer to what I would expect of Severus at that age. There are a few glitches, I am going to do a bit of a clean up and email it to you if you would like. Just let me know, my email is on my author page.

Author's Response: Alright, awesome, thanks

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Okay, good chapter. Good plot lines, you do need to read thrugh it again, some of your plurals are out of place. Also you may want to consider using "shall" a little less, makes your text sound a little forced. I am very interested in your next chapters!

Author's Response: All right. I'll have to go back and check everything. Do I really use shall a lot? Lol, I've never realized it. I usually use shall before will...even in real life when speaking to others...I guess I just like it more, but I see where you're coming from. I'll go back and revise everything soon. Thanks!

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Well that was amazing, gut wretching and well written. Very well done...very well done

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I appreciate your review. =) I'm glad you liked it.

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Very snazzy banner! Where, might I ask, is chapter 9? Chapter 8 reads better now. We need chapter 9 ::drumms fingers irritably on desk:: I really would like to finish your story!

Author's Response: I'm working on it, I promise!! It should be out very soon. The delay is because I'm trying to finish Cinders so I can focus all my attention on this story! Cinders has one more chapter and an epilogue to go, so I promise it won't be long! Please Don't hurt me, I promise to go fast!! :)

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Wow, excellent story. Caught one little glitch you may want to fix ( “Will you kind excuse us?” Snape snapped curtly---perhapse kindly?) Excellent work.

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nonnonononononono! I need the next chapters, oh this is so sad! So wonderfully written!

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Oh my goodness, heartbreaking. Oh just hearbreaking, marvelous story, fantastic.

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Amazing, wonderful chapter again. Remarkable.

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Wonderful! Oh just wonderful! Love love love love this story! (I pull her chair back from the table and help her from the table...may want to take out the second "table")

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I am so sorry I haven't reviewed ever marvelous chapter, I am so engrossed. Wonderful work, beautiful story, keep on.

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Great chapter, loved it! I think you kept him in excellent form until he conversed with Dumbledore...you may want to try and reel him in a bit. Excellent though, really.

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Excellent, I really love this story. I can't wait for your next chapter. I would leave some criticism if I could find anything big, but nothing jumped out at me yet, so keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Well, that's good....no criticism means it's going well so far. :D I'l really glad you like it....makes me so happy...lol...anyway, thanks for the review! I'll be updating soon.

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Wow, well done. Good charecterization of Severus. Can't wait to see your new chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks very much. I'll try to get out the new chapter whenever I have some inspiration. :-P

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Okay, another good chapter...but you pulled Severus WAY out of charecter. I know you are going for the unexplored side of him, but I would bring it down a bit (i.e, NO! Bad Severus--I really don't think so) Good storyline though, I would just bring it back a bit.

Author's Response: OKay, I took the whole "Bad Severus" thing out, thanks so much for alerting me to that. I went back and read it and realized how dumb it sounded! I was trying to show how awkward he really is toward the opposite sex, how little he knows about it all. Maybe I got a little..how should I say it...over excited with the idea, lol. Actually, I never planned to have an Elise storyline or a love interest or anything- it was originally going to be dark and cold all the way through. Thank you sooooo much for your comments, I hope you continue to read and review, because yours are some of the best reviews I've ever had. Thanks for making my day!

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Loved it! To funny! Wonderful story!

Author's Response: Thanks!

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Another good chapter, you may want to break up your paragraphs a bit though so it reads easier.

Author's Response: You know, i totally agree with you, I think I'll go back and do that

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Wow, another great chapter. His panic really grips you. Good chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, that's what I was going for

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I have to say, this is a great story thus far! I was so angry at James for trying to take the letter, and the remark about the 'abnormaly large facial protrusion' realy cracked me up, excellent writing!

Author's Response: haha thanks so much for the review, should be another update soon!

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I really enjoyed this chapter, and am very interested in the next. You have a few gramatical and spelling errors (who doesn't?) but the story was great, good ideas and charectorizations (I know, and I am talking about spelling) Good chapter, keep up!

Author's Response: Yeah, I'll be going back and fixing the errors later...right now I just want to work on my main plot and worry about the other problems later [as long as it is readable, of course]. Thanks for the review!

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Okay, I really loved this chapter, a few points though. First, you need to go back and rephrase a few sentances (i.e "And nor do I" omit and) Second, I know it is your fanfic and you can do whatever you like, but if you have Harry feeling Voldemorts emotion you may want to remember that Harry is a horrible Occlumens and Voldemort could easily call his bluff... great writing though and I can't wait for chapter 3!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review - I really appreciate pointers. Totally get the sentences - that should have been "And neither do I," - I must have been very tired lol. The whole Harry/Occlumency thing - as you can probably tell, seeing as Dumbledore is in this fic, I have overlooked a couple of points in HBP and OOTP lol - so here, Harry is obviously a lot mroe mature, and in my opinion he will master Occlumency before he faces Voldie.

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Very interesting, I like your writing style and the drama you have built up.

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Oh my, wonderful. One of the best, no, the best piece I have read. Amazing, what a beautiful, beautiful piece of work. What a wonderful way to portray Severus, the imagery is striking, fantastic.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! Your glowing appraisal makes me smile. =) I appreciate your review very much, and your kind words. I'm glad you liked it!

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good fic, I love the angst. Get thoes links out of the story though.

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