Nice effect, switching the narrative from character to character.
Sorry to hear about your problems on Deviantart - some people are total arses - she was probably motivated by jealousy anyway!
The remark about you hating Jo makes no rational sense - if that were the case, it is hardly likely that you would be writing 'fan'fiction.
Oh well, such is life. Ja ne. Report Review
I'm quite taken with your story line - but please try and be more careful with your use of tense. You keep swapping between past and present.
Incidentally - the apostrophe has two uses - to denote possession (i.e. the genetive case - Harry's wand; the pupils' desks) or to indicate word contraction (i.e. missing letters - don't; haven't; "'Allo, 'Arry," said Mundungus). It should not have appeared in Moody's "Oh, how sweet! Just take's your breath away" - and the plural of O.W.L. is O.W.L.s (but modern useage does not require the full stops in acronyms - so that should be OWL/OWLs).Author's Response: Thank You for your review. I will try to incorporate your critiques into future stories Report Review
Point of information:
As Dumbledore has been killed by Snape, this story is obviously set in year 7.
In year 6, Snape was DADA professor and Slughorn taught potions - so why the necessity for a replacement potions master? You need a replacement DADA teacher.
I quite like the way your story is developing - but can I advise you to make more of an effort with your spelling. I realise that some people consider spelling (and even grammar) to be irrelevant if the story is good enough - but I assure you that it spoils the reading pleasure.Author's Response: LOL ye i know i messed that up and maybe one day i'll go change it =] And i don't think for one minute that grammar and spelling dont matter!! I just tend to mess it up when im writing to fast and when i read over it don't notice...but i'm having it all beta'd atm =D
-Alex- Report Review
Your story is shaping quite nicely, but maybe you could pace it just a little bit faster.
Please - the word is 'definitely' not 'defiantly' - and it's 'of course' - not 'of coarse'!Author's Response: my spell check on word wouldn't let me use "course", but thanks...don't know why it didn't catch the other mistake... Report Review
Hermione younger than Harry?
If she were younger than Harry, with her birthday in September, she would only have been ten at the start of Harry's first year! (Therefore not at Hogwarts!)
It is canon that both Ron and Hermione are older than Harry. Report Review
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