Reading Reviews From Member: LovlyRita
  
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Review #26, by LovlyRitaBefore They Fall: Build Up

5th January 2013:
Alright here I am for chapter 14, which I am pretty excited for since its my first real time chapter!! Whoo!

Ah, there's the tachycardia curse! hahaha. Medical authenticity, always close to my heart. lol heart, get it? Moving on...

Hahaha I love this whole bit with the guys in the back of class. The line about Alice and Frank was hilarious. I hate it when guys do that, they all have this secret little joke and then purposefully keep you out of it for their own stupid amusement. Laame. But I thought this was really well done, especially the way Remus kind of played along in almost an exasperated fashion. It really made me laugh, like he's just used to their antics. And then, classic James Potter. I could punch him straight in the face sometimes!

Interesting thoughts on the water egg here, I like the detail that you go into here, with the merpeople and the black lake and all. It's really great :) And the mechanism of action of the potion itself is really interesting as well. I always love hearing how the potions work, and this is a really interesting potion, and I like how you've incorporated a counteracting potion as well. Very interesting.

I could definitely see your Lily as being a healer. Or I guess Lily in general. Maybe the wizarding equivalent of a pharmacist given her penchant for potions. I don't know, but I also understand a lot of her concerns. After all, she is watching her whole world come apart in front of her.

D'awww Sirius and Belle working together, how adorbs are they? I love the bit about her not wanting to cut her nails and having difficulty doing things. As a PT I always have to keep my nails short, and one time I didn't and I left NAIL MARKS in a patient I was doing massage work on. I mean the patient was totally cool with it because she couldn't feel it and the stuff I did was pain relieving but I was still like...crap. :P

SEVERUS MENTION. Now back to your regularly scheduled review.

Ok reading this, since I'm awful at cooking, I can see that I would also be awful at potions. It's ok, I've come to accept that. But the way she describes it, it makes it seem like a thing of beauty, which is really great. Very poetic :) you can tell that she has a passion for it.

Wait, James DECLINES an invitation from Lily for a daty thing? What is he DOING?! Is he CRAZY?! I mean I get that the slug club is not the coolest thing ever but like...seriously? Quidditch stuff? Lame excuse. Like seriously, he's been waiting his entire life for those words to leave her lips. What a jerk. Serious dislike. I don't even care what it's for. Nothing excuses this. *crosses arms and pouts*

Ahhh I figured it was for Remus. Nope, don't care, still doesn't excuse it. *continues pouting.*

Ok so I've just finished the chapter. First of all, You SEE James? You see what happens when you do that to Lily? She asks creepy, Voldemorty Alrek instead. Ugh. So mad at him right now! don't even care if it was for his friends and their relationship, don't even care.

But it's so sad about his owl. And a letter from Petunia! What on earth could that be about! Cliffie! I can't wait to see what's next! Once again you've written a beautiful chapter and even though I'm mad at James (I don't know, maybe I just have it out for him today) I still really enjoyed it! I thought it was a great job and I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi. I yell at you for taking forever to respond now look at me... :P

Hahahah you wouldn't be awful at potions! Just don't tell Lily you're bad at cooking, she'll lecture you the same way Adrianna lectured her on needing to learn the art of simpler things and not ignore them just because she'll be able to fling a wand around. Which is now an in my head one shot.. hmmm.. your reviews clearly inspire me! Haha

Your pouting is my favoriteee. Hahaha. Poor James, he's going to be terrified of you and your crossed arm pouty glances by the end of this!

So, the entire part about Alrek is something I added very last minute.. like when I had this up on the page ready to post. I had him just refusing to go because of his friends and Dan wasn't thrilled with it, but it was the best i could get. THEN BAM! Alrek! Alrek is always there when things get sticky, so I figured he'd fit in well now :P

Ummm I love you and your reviews to tiny little pieces. Almost as much as I love my fictitious 100 dollar Sephora card :P ♥


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Review #27, by LovlyRitaHaven : Apologies

3rd January 2013:
When I saw on HPFF that you had written a Severus/Lily, you knw I had to come over and see what this is about, seeing as this is my main ship :)

Second person, ambitious! I usually shy away from second person stories, but because you wrote it, I'm all for it. Let's do this!

Ok I've read it and of course my first reaction was Aw!! Love!!

Ok, so your second person here didn't put me off at all! I think it was very well done. I think that your portrayal of Snape's home life was probably very realistic to what he might have encountered. And the promises that Eileen made sound very similar to someone who is being abused. The whole...it will get better, he loves me, he won't do this forever, things will be ok, that same sick kind of train of thought is unfortunately the thing that makes people staying abused stay around. But I think it also nicely sets the scene for the man that Severus turned out to be. It was just very well executed. Even though it was horribly sad, it was real.

Then there's the scene with Lily, How adorable is that girl?! The way that Snape comes to trust her, what he sees in her that sets her apart from everything else he's ever known in his life. It's so innocent. I love your descriptions of her, almost as if her very presence is too shocking and...almost...completely too bright for him. Not bad but just different from the drab, dreary, frightening life that he normally lead.

And again, as with all Snape/Lily stories, it just makes me sad, because I know what good friends they end up becoming, and how horribly it ends, and how his life is in crumbled disrepair around her memory. It's just so bittersweet and sad, as all of their stories are. Of course, that's how you know that you've got a really good one :)

Absolutely magnificent job, I really loved your characterization and descriptions, and it's just another brilliant work from you!!

Author's Response: ASHLEY. I DID NOT WRITE A SEVERUS LILY. I WROTE A SEVERUS THAT INVOLVES LILY. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. Hahahah, just kidding.

I'm so happy you liked the second person! I'm kind of getting on a kick with that lately..

I think it's pretty easy to imagine that Severus must've come from an abusive household to end up the way he did. Craving power, control, bordering on obsession with the things he does love.. I'm so happy you think it's easy to connect this child to the man he becomes because... well, you know. Severus is terrifying to write. I knew I wouldn't be able to do adult him justice, so I'm happy that child Severus seems believable.

I'm so happy you picked up on the description of Lily! That's exactly what I wanted... her to be almost too much. Too much smiles, too bright of hair, too big and kind of eyes. Something he's not used to and I could hug you for picking up on that.

I'm so happy you liked this m'dear ♥ and thank you so much for the surprise review!


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Review #28, by LovlyRitaHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: A Friend Indeed

3rd January 2013:
Hi, I'm back!!

Well, first of all I'm so sorry at how long it has taken me to read this review. I promise you that I have been looking forward to the moment when I could continue reading this and now it's here!! YAY!

First of all, the redemption of Narcissa. I like the way that you described her before the war as being cold and such, and the way that she changed from being Lucius Malfoy's unfeeling wife, a black sister, to someone who truly cared about her family. I love Narcissa as a character so it was really sad to read his reaction to her passing but it also makes sense.

So this is my first criticism I think I've had at all as I've read through it all, and I guess I was surprised to see that wizards dug graves by hand. I would think that it would be considered such a muggle thing to do, although I could see symbolism in doing it by hand. But I was just thinking that Wizards, especially pureblood wizards.might think they were above taking the time to dig a grave by hand, and do it with magic instead. To me, I feel like they would turn their noses up at it, but that's just my thinking.

I also love the way you've written Draco here in the beginning, his surprise at seeing Flint and his stressing that he is done with this old way of life that he has moved on. Before that, the interactions with Astoria were very real, I love the Draco/Astoria ship.

I especially really liked the part about the things that Draco had done after the war. Especially the fact that while all his other friends from school were sitting around making far fetched alcohol fueled plans, he decided to court Astoria instead. I never really had considered what the rest of the children of the death eaters did after the war, but I thought this was a grim and gritty reality. Really fabulously done there.

Ok, and now back to Flint. What a jerkface. I don't like this and I don't like the way it is going! Which means of course that it was brilliantly written but THAT is beside the point. :P I feel like his breaking out of prison is going to lead to all kinds of hell and that makes me sad haha.

Ok so this whole deal with Hermione and Astoria I thought was awesome. They clearly have a healthy respect of one another but neither clearly likes the other. And I can understand why that might that way, I can't ever imagine a scenario where they would be thrilled to see one another, even though they share a grandchild. For example, I can't ever imagine my mother and my mother in law ever getting along. In fact, when my mom sees my mother in law in the grocery store, she turns and runs the other way. (i'm not even joking. It's hilarious). So, I think the fact that the two of them are getting along this well despite their history is pretty awesome.

And then we have this entire thing in the magical records. What have you done to Hermione! I demand to know! :P I liked the inclusion of Ernie MacMillion in here, and I thought the action and suspense was very well done. Especially the description of curses flying around. I was definitely on the edge of my seat, trying to hard not to read ahead to see what was going on (I succeeded by the way :) ) I could really feel Hermione kick into action, keep her head about her, and just go. I hope she's ok :(

What a great chapter! Excellent job! I'm only sorry I didn't get to it sooner and I'm looking forward to heading to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello, again! So nice to see you back.

This chapter marks the end of the "setup" and the beginning of the story in earnest. So I'm really, really glad that you enjoyed it. Quite a few things happen, all of them quite significant.

I really came to like Narcissa's character by the end of Deathly Hallows. She showed a willingness to try to do whatever was necessary to save her family after her idiot husband put them in so much danger with his terrible choices. So thinking about the choices she would have made after the war was over, I couldn't see her allowing Lucius to put them at any further risk. And he was so broken after the war compared to her, I imagine she didn't have much trouble keeping him under control. As far as the graves go, I believe that the idea of wizards digging them by hand is "fanon" as opposed to canon, but I've really come to like it. There is an element of humility and sacrifice to it that seemed really meaningful to me.

If you want to know how Draco came to be "reformed Draco", I'm struggling to finish that story right now with Detox. But I'm really glad the idea works for you. I can't get into the idea of him being either a completely white-washed story of redemption or an unrepentant villain. I don't think either is consistent with his characterization from the books.

If you don't like Flint now... well, wait a few chapters. I'm thinking you'll like him even less. ;)

Hermione and Astoria have what I'd term a "productively arms-length" relationship. They're never going to see eye to eye on most things. They don't even really like one another. But when it comes to their children and grandchildren they're both willing and able to put all of that aside and do whatever is best for them. I really, really hope you'll like Astoria by the end of the story. Along the way, she became one of my favorite minor characters.

Ha! You'll know what happened to Hermione very soon. I really, really like writing fight scenes, so I'm glad it worked well for you. There are several more between here and the end of the story.

Wow. Such an awesome review! Thank you so much, and Happy New Year!


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Review #29, by LovlyRitaWhile You Were Sleeping: Attack

31st December 2012:
I am so sorry, I meant to review this ages ago, I READ it ages ago, but then with the site going down and everything, I didn't get a chance to review it so I'm going to now!

I loved this opening chapter that you have here! The first thing that I really loved was how cautious and careful he is, which is canon and true to his character, every word of it. The descriptions of the different charms and protective spells he uses to keep himself safe.

I really liked the description of his prosthetic leg and the reasons he had to remove it at night. That makes total medical sense, which is something that I like to see in stories. But I can also see why he wouldn't want to take it off at night. You can never be too careful :P

When the intruder trips the alarms, and he was at first just like meh because the muggles trip it all the time..that made me laugh a little bit. And I just thought it was brilliant the way he was running through scenarios in his head, the way he was was ready to take the offensive. You can tell that there are years of auror experience there, that even an intruder in his own home does little to truly ruffle his feathers. He is cool and confident that he has the one up on this person, and I thought that was just fabulous. Well done!

The fact that only a few people knew who he lived was a really interesting detail to include. I think it's way better than having a secret keeper, and it also alerts him that it had to be someone who had access to the ministry, which narrows down the pool of people that it could possibly be.

Again, in medical authenticity, the pain that he feels above his prosthetic leg, the problems that he is having. It must be so frustrating for him to be getting older, because he's always been at the front lines of trouble for the order, how obnoxious that pain must have been.

I love the tension that builds continuously through this as well, you're not sure what's going to happen, if he will apprehend the intruder or what, all the way up until the very end, with a cliffhanger of sorts. I really really enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell you!!

Ash

Author's Response: Haha- it's definitely not a problem! I'm just glad that you've left this lovely review!

I'm so glad that you liked the opening chapter for this story. It's really the beginning of the whole story (yes, that does sound rather silly but it's true!) and if it wasn't believable, then the whole story wouldn't work.

I'm glad that you think that Moody's canon. He certainly is a difficult characer to write, so it's a relief to know that you think he's in character. :) And I haven't had any medical training beyond the basic first aid so it's good to know that the medical aspect made sense.

Haha- he lives in a muggle neighbourhood because it's safer... But then the silly muggles get in his way. *sigh* Poor Moody. :P I'm glad that it seemed like he had years of Auror experience- I really strived to ensure that his work career was apparent.

Thanks once again for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter!


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Review #30, by LovlyRitaAnamnesis: Anamnesis

24th December 2012:
Hi Julia!

Well I picked this one because I didn't know what the title meant, so I googled it. I spelled it wrong and it ended up being some kind of species of mammal...yeah I was like...that can't be it. So I googled the right word and came up with the right definition and I was like Ahhh that makes more sense for this story :P

Second person! Oh you know how I have a hard time with second person. If I ever had to pick a second person to read, I'm so glad it was this one! I LOVED it. The descriptions here were near your best, with the pink flowers and the way you portrayed Dominique in contrast to Victoire. I just loved the whole thing.

My favorite part was when it snapped back to present day and you realize that Fleur has dementia, and she's confused about what's going on. It can be hard to portray that by itself but in second person? That was a very risky thing to do, because of how hard it is to pull off, but you've nailed it here. The vague recollection, the doubting of her person. It was just great. And she still brought her the pink flower which was adorable and so sad at the same time. I also think you did a marvelous job with the confusion in this section. It was well done with the sensitive subject matter.

This piece was short and sweet but I really enjoyed it. Which is weird because, as I've said before I really don't like second person. What I want to know is, did you already have this title picked out or did you have to research a word or did you already know this word? I did not know this word. So not only did I learn a new word, but I got to read a great one shot!

Merry Christmas!! :)

Ash

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Review #31, by LovlyRitaFall: Fall

24th December 2012:
Oh Julia, I can already tell that I'm going to love this due to the description you have in the first paragraph. Love love love, and classic Julia. :)

Wait. This is straight up in third person. Holy crap on a stick.

Ok so I have just finished and I absolutely adored it. Maybe not the kind of warm and fuzzy fare that one might expect on Christmas eve, but it was a great story! So heart wrenching and painful.

First of all, I don't know how you can possibly say that you can't write action because this had a fair bit of action in it and it was masterfully done! The scene where you describe the werewolf attack is especially frightening, and I think the fact that it was done from Eliza's telling was great. She is a very interesting character, completely haunted and torn apart by what happened to her sister.

And while her sister seemed to live with it, to cope with what had happened to her, Eliza seems to fall into a weird PTSD kind of stupor that only continued to spiral further out of control.

But let me back up a bit because I think it's really interesting the way you've started this out. It's more of a quarrel, two sisters fighting a bit, already showing off this animosity which, despite the fact that they may have been friends other times, really kind of sets the tone for this story, that it might not have a happy ending.

And then, when they are at Hogwarts and Ellie has friends and such, and Eliza spins deeper into madness, I think you were excellent at capturing that descent into madness of Eliza's. I really also liked the way you mentioned that this was next gen, the way you casually were like, oh, potter and weasley clans, but you didn't dwell on it, you moved on. I really enjoyed that because it was a clever way to kind of tie the series to canon, rather than just a story with straight, unrelated OC's.

Finally that last bit, with the fall. How chilling you wrote it, with Ellie trying to reason like any normal human being would, and Eliza just completely past reason, everything so out of focus for her. I like how ambiguous the ending is too (despite the fact that it kind of HAD to be ambiguous as guided by the TOS). Part of me hopes that something ended up saving Ellie. You know, sometimes wizards can save themselves with bursts of magic and such, and even if that's not what you intended, that's what I've decided in my head, because it's Christmas and it's happier that way. Yes, so Ellie lives, and Eliza...well, she probably doesn't but whatevs.

Ah Julia this is such a great piece here, and so under reviewed. I wish I could just take your entire author page and put it on story seekers because you're such a brilliant author, you have an absolutely superb way of getting your characters across and making the reader empathize/sympathize or whatever. Even your third person is fabulous, and it absolutely is not bad at all (even though you always say that it is. It is NOT so shut up. :P ) You understand stand your characters so well, and it shows. You have such vivid descriptions and vibrant word choices it's just great. I loved it.

Merry Christmas Julia!

Ash

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Review #32, by LovlyRitaBel in the Night: Obsession

24th December 2012:
ok before I ever read this chapter I have to say: your chapter image is so creepy :P I was just looking at something, not paying attention and then I was like WAIT. Did that CI just look at me?!

Ok so I've just finished the chapter and I've got to say, I do not like this annabel character. To me, it just sees like there is something off about her. She is creepy. Sirius is following her almost like a lost puppy dog, almost like he can't remember what he's supposed to be doing.

I like that you started the chapter off with a little bit of marauder issues over Lily because I feel like they are always so close in so many stories, and here you've given a little bit of drama between them over Lily. I find it very interesting that she took off after Sirius when she was in the hospital wing, and it makes me a little nervous as to what her intentions were.

All I know is that I don't like what's happening here and I just want to scream out to Sirius STOP IT. hahaha!

And these purple eyes, I don't know what to think about those haha.

Great second chapter, you're really building the mystery and the suspense well and it makes for a very exciting story! :)

Ashley

Slytherin Secret Santa

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Review #33, by LovlyRitaBel in the Night: Trails in the Dark

24th December 2012:
I really like the way this story starts out with the description of the snow, and how great it was until he realized it was blood he was looking at. That was very cool, and I liked the way that you jumped right into the mystery/action of finding this person who was bleeding so severely everywhere.

I also liked the way that you didn't reveal right away that the narrator was Sirius. For some reason I thought that the narrator was a girl at first so it was a pleasant surprise to see that it was Sirius.

And this poor girl who seems to be bleeding horrible. She seems to have her head about her, which is good. I would think that if someone was chasing her and hurt her that badly that she might be a little more afraid, so that makes me wonder if there is something a little fishy about her to be honest. Especially since Sirius had never really noticed her before and it's not generally like Sirius not to notice a pretty girl :P

But she seemed to get back to the infirmary alright, and Sirius certainly seemed bewitched by her. But I'm definitely detecting something a little odd about this girl.

Great first chapter, love the descriptions of his fear as he is in the forest and I thought you could really feel his overall confusion throughout this chapter.

ash
Slytherin Secret Santa 2012

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Review #34, by LovlyRitaSilent Kiss: Silent Voice

24th December 2012:
Hello there, back for chapter two!

Ok so we've learned a little bit more about Khloe here. She can't speak, which is a really interesting development and something that i really haven't seen in a story before, so congratulations for that one :) She doesn't seem too pleased by Draco's presence and I don't blame her. I like that you've set it so that she's a year older than him, but he still has that familiar Malfoy attitude about him.

I like how Goyle asks "are you stupid" but seems mildly concerned about it. that seems like something he would totally do.

I think you have a very interesting story here and you've brought up two mysteries already- the one of her parents, and the reason that her voice is missing. I really like it. Just like last chapter, you've managed to make some great descriptions which flow well with the dialogue and you have kept Draco and his cronies in character which sometimes can be difficult to accomplish.

Well done :)

Ash
Slytherin Secret Santa 2012

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Review #35, by LovlyRitaSilent Kiss: Khloe Moss

24th December 2012:
Hello there!

Well this is a very interesting and mysterious first chapter you have here! Your character of Khloe is very interesting, she seems kind of like a loner a little bit, especially given that she doesn't know who her roommates are after several years.

It seems as though she isn't entirely happy about living in the orphanage, so it makes sense that she wants to find out more about her parents, that's totally natural. It seems that this Mrs Blair is nice though and helped her grow up in a relatively good place despite the fact that she doesn't know much about her parents.

You have a lot of good descriptions here and I like the general style and flow of the piece. This is a great start to the story!!

Ash
Slytherin Secret Santa 2012

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Review #36, by LovlyRitaDiamonds into Coal: Erised

17th December 2012:
Hello there here for the holiday review swap!

Well I really enjoyed the beginning of this story. It is so bitterly sad, especially since you know the way they ended up. I think exploring their story is going to be very interesting indeed. And I remember when this got Slytherin SOTM so yay! :)

The Bloody Baron here is so...fragile I guess. In the books he is depicted as this austere, angry, scary figure, the ghost of Slytherin house. Here, he is a man broken, mourning everything he'd lost, everything that could never be, and it's just incredibly sad. I'm also really looking forward to the way that you handle these things.

During the dancing scene in her wedding dress, I totally got a beauty and the beast feeling going. I kept seeing this young girl in a beautiful hall, and then her prince coming up to her, and they are all happy and everything is Disney-tastic. Which was written and described so beautifully, and it was so haunting. And it was in stark contrast to the ghost who stared into it longingly, wishing that it would come true.

They say that the mirror of erised ruins many a great man, but having it torture a ghost, someone who is already dead, someone who literally has no hope of it ever coming true, gives it a new quality, much more depressing :(

And yet so well done. I really enjoyed the last line, how you described the tiara as wicked, and I think that it just makes me want to read on! Absolutely bewitching, excellent job! :)

Author's Response: Hi Ash! Thanks for coming by to check this out!

Fragile is a good way of describing him. I really wanted to present him as a broken man to try to generate a little bit of pity for the character I was about to create. If you read on, you'll see that he probably needs all the pity he can get. He's definitely got some flaws!

It's great that you liked the imagery and the contrast between the Baron's vision in the mirror and the reality of his lonely existence. I'm glad it wasn't too depressing to enjoy :)

Thanks again for your very kind review, and I hope to see you back here sometime soon!

-Amanda


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Review #37, by LovlyRitaHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Those Who Donít Learn From History

17th December 2012:
Hi!! :D

I'm so sorry it's taken me this long, you know how the holiday season can be :) What matters is I'm here now and I'm ready to dive into this chapter!!

Neville is headmaster, aww I knew he could do it! I'm having the fluffy time sitting here imagining old Harry and old Neville having a conversation at Hogwarts. At first I tried giving Neville the Dumbledore beard in my head which, let me tell you what, does NOT work out at all. But then I just kind of imagined an older Neville...with wrinkles and glasses and...I love old people :P

So I'm finding this whole class that Harry is teaching fun. The names for the students are very interesting, I'm digging Ulysses, reminds me of the president after the civil war, Ulysses S. Grant, so for some reason I'm imagining a civil war general duelling with a wand LOL. I bet Ulysses S Grant wished he had a wand.aannyywwaayy...

So this scene with all the students attacking him...kind of LOOSELY makes me think of the scene in HBP at the end where he's trying to throw curses at Snape but he impassively just blocks them while still trying to teach him as he runs. Obviously not close to the same thing but it's the image I got when I read it. And LOL at Harry throwing a full bind body curse at his Grandson! How many grandfathers wish occasionally the could do that?! hahaha

Ok I just had this whole paragraph typed out about how confused I was when Veratrice gets him and then he's behind her until I read on about the apparation, but then I was still confused until I read on about how their was a decoy. So in conclusion, maybe I should stop reviewing as I go and just read the whole chapter in one sitting :P

It's also interesting to see that levicorpus has become a spell that is being used in every day defensive/offensive magic. It was used as torture for Snape during the marauder's age and now it's a fun, if not sort of whimsical spell that can be used in a classroom setting. I think I just never really gained a liking for it because I am a huge Snape fan :P I'm biased, don't listen to me

Ok I've just finished the chapter and I have to say, I think Harry is like the ghost of Christmas past, except it's not Christmas, it's like horrormas. First and foremost, I think that this is probably a common problem with kids nowadays. Or stupid people who deny the holocaust ever happened, that it was all made up, that kind of thing. And of course it's important to learn history so it doesn't repeat itself. So the fact that the magical education system on history is so bad makes me a little worried for this story. It is called conspiracy of blood after all.

I think the places that Harry chose to take them were good choices. At first I thought he might pour his memories into a pensieve and make the kid watch it, but that would have been really bad. I do wonder what Neville would have to say about him taking the children to see his parents, which I thought was written very well. Writing about mental illness can be difficult but i think you did a good job depicting their indifference to the world.

The scene with the dementors, I didn't know what was going on, at first I thought he brought them to the cave where the locket was found and I was like SURELY not lol. Silly dementors. I'm glad that Harry was able to shake some sense into that kid though. I got mad just reading about it! Especially what he said about Fred :(

Overall I thought the flow and the description of this chapter was nice and masterfully done. The storyline continues to have me on the edge of my seat, even though nothing particularly like...major happened in this chapter, I was still glued to my computer screen trying to figure out what was going on. I feel like everything is always constantly building at a very slow and steady pace and I am still so excited to read on and find out where you are taking this, because I can never predict what a chapter will be about!

Great job!

Author's Response: Wow. You dove in and didn't come up for air for quite a while! Reviews like this are a bit intimidating to respond to, although I obviously enjoy the challenge. Let's get to it.

Ha! I can't imagine Neville with any sort of beard. I'm sure he probably tried it once or twice and it looked silly and Hannah made him shave it off. It was really fun to imagine Harry and Neville as these two very respected, influential wizards, sitting around and reminiscing about old times.

The dueling lesson was fun to write from beginning to end. I think of it as such a treat for the students to have a chance to learn from somebody with so much practical experience and then get a chance to test their skills against the cagey, old master. Harry obviously gets something out of it, as well, keeping his pipeline into the Auror training program full.

There's been some debate in my reviews about Harry apparating across the room and whether that's possible inside Hogwarts. I think of anti-apparition jinxes as being more like boundaries than "restricted airspace". Take the Department of Mysteries, for example. You're plainly not allowed to apparate into or out of the Ministry of Magic, but during the battle people were disapparating all around the room. Just my theory, of course. Your mileage may vary.

I guess yesterday's dark curse is today's light-hearted bit of magical fun. ;) It all comes down to the intentions of the caster, I think. Harry didn't mean to humiliate Veratrice, he was merely having a bit of fun at her expense. Good thing she had something on underneath her school robes, though.

I am sitting here with my mouth hanging slightly open, in awe of how you managed to fairly seamlessly make the connection between this chapter and A Christmas Carol. You've hit on a key theme of the story, though. The magical world has enjoyed nearly fifty years of peace and prosperity since Voldemort's death. People have become complacent and naive. Keep an eye on young Mr. Northway. He's more than just a character, he's also somewhat symbolic of a wizarding world that needs to wake up and smell the coffee. As his character goes, so goes the broader wizarding world.

Neville is, at his heart, an educator. He might have had some misgivings about Harry taking Dennis and Artie to meet Frank and Alice, but as long as Dennis learned the proper lesson from the visit, I think he would have seen the merit of the idea. And taking them to experience the Dementors up close and personal was all about driving the point home. Terrible, awful things happened during the Second Wizarding War. When people no longer remember and understand, the next war is just a matter of time.

I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter and you find the story engaging. I promise that something *very* major will happen in the next one. You just may not like it. :-/ Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #38, by LovlyRitaBefore They Fall: Revelations

16th December 2012:
Aw snap! I'm back!

DUDE. I totes called Alrek out! What a jerk face. He needs to stay far away from the good side as he can! Oh and he's sent DIRECTLY from Voldemort?! Nasty piece of work, that one!

Oooh Bellatrix I just love her. she is so fabulous. I mean she's horrible, but she's fabulous. I love the way she grabbed regulus's chin and is like...I am more important than you, you listen to me, you are a pawn. And I also love that Regulus also has that kind of attitude over Snape. Maybe that's like a Black thing but they both seem to have that going for them. Regulus puts Snape in his place, Bellatrix puts Regulus in his place, and Bella obviously falls at the feet of the dark lord. Loves it.

Oh and Bellatrix and the rat! I had her kill a rat in my story too :D It seems she does not have much tolerance for rats hahaha.

So now I'm watching Belle, and I can't imagine how hard this must be for her to tell this secret. I say this, I haven't even read it yet, I just happen to already know the truth :P

Oh I ADORE your description of the flames here, especially the "devouring yellow" line, that produces great imagery, love love!

and now i've read it all the way to the end. What a heart breaking story for Belle :( It was just one thing after another, but when I read about the way Christophe had responded, the way he turned everyone against her, told his parents he had nothing to do with it, all of that...what a horrible thing. And thing about it is, that is all too common in the real world. It's so easy for men who just don't want to take responsibilities for their actions to finger point and call the woman any number of horrible names just because they can, because they aren't the ones that are going to go through the physical changes, and all that. It just makes me profoundly sad for Belle, because she doesn't deserve that. Any number of young girls could get stuck in the same situation, with the same general outcome. So that is just my little opinion on the state of the Maury-like issues in this country :P

I'm so glad that Lily and Alice reacted in that way, although let's be honest I don't think I could have seen them reacting in any other way because they are so kind and compassionate. And I'm glad that Belle kind of got her message out so that she can sleep easier at night and no one is hiding anything anymore. Except Alrek, but he's a non 12+ word so moving swiftly along...

As for the accent, I generally think that it was very well done, it flowed very well and I didn't have to think about it at all. I think it if it had been much heavier than that, I would have gotten a little distracted by it, but I think the way you have it done now is good. And can I just say that whenever I see a "z" in place of a "th" I don't think of HP or Fleur or anything, I think of the Baby Sitter's club books. I don't know if you ever read those, but Jessie took ballet in the books and she had a french ballet teacher that always put z's in front of the words so that's what I think of. Lame? Probably. But I embrace it :P

I thought this was a well done chapter with a lot of information that was organized in a well thought out fashion. Beautifully done! Although now I have to grieve at the fact that I am out of chapters to read and will continue to be out of chapters until the 29th of December. :( So you had better write Missy, 'cause I am in dire need of an update already and it's only been like 10 minutes!!! :P

Author's Response: If I actually thought you were going to be interested enough to keep reading I WOULDN'T have used you to ask about Belle's secret, hahaha. You sneaky validator woman! But YES ALREK IS NAUGHTY you were right. He's not a nice boy.. tsk tsk tsk.

Hahahah great minds think alike, right?? Especially in rat killing-ness :P

I so agree with you about how it could be anyone Belle's situation happens to. Hopefully not many parents are cruel enough to give an ultimatum the way Belle's did.. but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen :(.

Oh God. I didn't even know anyone else had heard of the Baby Sitter's club. I'm pretty sure there was another series by the same author that wrote older books, and my sister read those and I was jealous that I had to read the baby ones and then I opened my own baby sitters club and yeah. I'm stopping now. I'm so happy the accent worked. I swear, Belle is NEVER talking this much again. Girl needs a muzzle. :P

I'll write I'll write! YOU BETTER WRITE TOO. I'm so happy that we started reviewing for each other because because it just makes my heart all fluffy every time I see one of your reviews or a new chapter ♥


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Review #39, by LovlyRitaHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Losses

14th December 2012:
Hello hello hello! Well, I've just finished this chapter and I have only this to say:

wha.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.t?!?!?!

Ok, that's all I got, I hope this review was informative! (ok, I lie)

Alright, let's start at the beginning. First of all, I like the wizengamot that you have created. It's very lifelike and demonstrates the clipped coldness of a courtroom. I like that the prosecution was basically out for themselves, especially enjoyed the comment about the book deal. Isn't that always the way, these cheeky lawyers! I also really enjoyed the closing arguments, the accusatory over self confident prosecution vs the defense, who clearly knew he had it in the bag.

Moving on from that, I can't believe the trio was on trial for Ginny's murder! How awful that must have been for them, especially Harry, to be whisked away from home and the people they loved immediately after it had happened, and then locked away without being able to say a proper goodbye, without being able to mourn! Terrible for them. I did like Harry's running thoughts during the whole ordeal, it was a nice insightful thing, because I'm sitting here like...they could have easily killed this guy, all the points that were brought up make sense except there's no evidence! Ah you're throwing me through the emotional ringer here!

And then they were grudgingly acquitted which was great but just heart breaking to see their family come over and the tears flowing because now they can stop ignoring Ginny's death and just freely mourn it, which was sad.

Ok, so the whole scene in the woods was done so well. I really loved this, as Harry listened to it unfold and as Percy just kept talking and told all. Shocker of the year! But when he told it, it made sense, you know? This man who had been estranged from his family, and then welcomed back in to become closer than ever with them...and then the man who killed his sister is mocking him and clearly doesn't care what he's done. It could make anyone snap, really. But the way that Percy described the killing curse is just so chilling, the way it made him feel. I thought that was really well done because you know, here's a guy who has always blindly followed the rules, who, like he said above, stunned Rookwood when he could have ended him, who has always upheld the laws as a high ranking ministry official...and suddenly he has the power of death in his hands, and he likes the way it feels. It's just very chilling, and Harry even recognizes this fact too because he wonders about Tom Riddle and such but..I don't know I could totally see your Percy easily like...turning psychopath a la the show Dexter or something, and just killing all the bad people in the world to save other good people, a vigilante of sorts. And really I think that's just a testament to how well you wrote it :)

And finally at the end here we have the portraits which of course gave me the warm fuzzies. I'm like, why didn't Harry just commission a painting of them when he was in his first year at Hogwarts and carry it around with him? His dad could have snuck him answers during tests :P No, but I love that there are portraits of his family and of Dumbledore (LOVED the father christmas line, ahahaha) and it must help keep Harry sane, that he has these people to talk to. Though, really, what's sane about talking to a portrait?

It also makes me wonder like...he could get a portrait of Ginny too, right? And then he'd have her. But then I was all like, what do people do when their signficant others die, and then they get a portrait, is it like they are married to a portrait? Especially if the portrait has the same feelings and thoughts as the real person, and seemingly the memories too, but they aren't technically real? This has been Ashley's Wizarding World Wonderments for the day :)

Overall I really enjoyed this chapter, the flow of it was great and the way you revealed things. Personally I was relieved that you revealed Percy's secret in this chapter rather than holding onto it for a while because I might have gone crazy waiting! So if that's not the major theme of the story then...what the heck is? I can't wait until all of this unfolds because I can tell that it is going to be a fabulous, suspenseful ride :)

Author's Response: Well, I *have* actually gotten stranger reviews than that for this chapter. ;)

I still think of the Wizengamot as somewhere between a kangaroo court and a drumhead, even with all the reforms that Kingsley Shacklebolt surely implemented during his tenure. There's a great deal of pomp and circumstance attached to the proceedings and a huge amount of political theater plays out there. The trial of the trio was exactly that: political theater designed to distract an outraged populace from the Ministry's inability to secure Ginny's murderer for long enough to properly investigate what happened. As you can see, it was reasonably effective. Even though there was no evidence, the trial deflected attention for just long enough.

I remember spending a lot of time thinking about the killing curse and what affect it might have one someone who uses it. It's definitely a curse that's usually cast out of anger or fear. The idea that it would simply leave the person who casts it emotionally empty, draining away all of their feelings, fit nicely somehow.

Keep a close eye on Percy. He was present at what turns out to be a very pivotal moment. There is much of his story left to be told. Definitely don't assume too much. ;)

I always felt like magical portraits were a very under-utilized idea in the books. They provide this amazing continuity between past and present. As far as Harry commissioning a portrait of Ginny, I think that would be more of a torment to him than a comfort, particularly in his present mental state where he still grieves for her. Just like the Resurrection Stone drove people mad by giving them only a pale shadow of their lost loved ones, living with Ginny in portrait form -- unable to touch her or smell her hair -- would probably have destroyed Harry. Just my thoughts on the matter.

I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. This is the last one that's mostly dedicated to setting the stage. The plot really begins to move in the next one. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #40, by LovlyRitaBefore They Fall: Hogsmeade

13th December 2012:
Oh my dearest girl!

I meant to review sooner then this but I was determined to get BA finished and then I haven't yet and then I missed this story so much so I decided to come and review it and here i am and *takes deep breath* let's DO THIS

Ahh James, getting the quidditch team up early. What a nice touch. ahh organized sports :P

Ok, the part about the tampon actually made me laugh. When I was writing my Nano, I had a scene where one of the guys is basically calling the other guy a girl, and the one guy was like "Yeah I have to go somewhere" and the other guy was like "yeah, the tampon store" and I thought I was so funny and clever and then I was like wait. wait. Do wizards...is there a spell? Do they still use products like that? like...what happens? And then I felt weird for wondering that. And even thinking about it. But come on now, it's a crappy part of life, amirite? I left it in my story because I was like...this is too good to get caught up on small details :P But back to your story, I liked the way that all the guys were like Nevamind, we cool. lol!

Awww, girl hugs for Belle. I think I know what her story is, given that you asked me some questions about her in a PM not too long ago, but knowing that I feel even worse reading this part because I'm like poor thing, be strong! haha

Ugh Alrek. Dislike. Of course he wants something stronger than butterbeer. He is such a creeper. Dis. Like.

Wait, what is this? Lady fight? Angry lady slurs being thrown around? What is this madness? And Lily steps in to save the day. Silly slytherin prefect. and the poor girl who just had it all put on display in the three broomsticks. That's an intensely private thing, what the heck!

OH MY GOD KITTY. Awww that's so sweet. d'aww James, I can't believe that kid, always coming up with the right things to do at the right times. Smart boy.

What a great chapter! My current thoughts: Still hate Alrek, still think he's creepy. James is not-boyfriend of the year. Belle makes me sad and yet so happy at the same time because she's so fiery and passionate and loyal to some extent, but also she has this sad dark past which I am assuming we're going to find out soon. And believe it or not, I'm really liking Peter in your story, which I think is a difficult feat to accomplish because he is so horrible in the books. But I think as a kid, he would have been likable and much the way you've written him, which I love, absolutely. You deserve a damn blue ribbon for that.


Loved this chapter, as all the others. I know I am running out of chapters here, and you are running out of chapters of mine, and i think the important thing here is that we just. need. to. WRITE! :) So I'ma get on that ASAP. But I just loved this, brilliant job!

Ashley

Author's Response: So I spent like ten minutes trying to figure out how they would get rid of the boys and then I was trying to think of a no fail way...but then it clicked and I was like AHH IT'S A NO FAIL WAY ahahha. I wondered too if they use those then I'm going, well what are they going to do with that stuff? I mean, have a spell that makes it disappear right when it starts... okay this is going to get too descriptive so I should probably stop now. hahah.

I love your current thoughts, and that you're really liking Peter! Peter and I have an understanding that we're sticking with, so for now I can write him like the friend I hope he used to be ;(.

Um I love you and that's pretty much all I can say at this point. You don't know what it means to be to have someone reading this story, you know how it is. They're are babies *cuddles Before They Fall to the point of suffocation*.



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Review #41, by LovlyRitaFried Eggs: Marcus

13th December 2012:
Ah, and finally the Slytherin point of view! I love how you have done it from the points of view all three houses, it's so very unique and interesting.

Boy, this kid Marcus is a piece of work, isn't he?
One thing I really liked in this chapter is the way you incorporated the way they grew up. You know it never really occurred to me that these wizards would play death eaters, and actually attack muggle villages, like that is so horrible! But I mean, I guess some kids play cowboys and indians, or aliens invading and killing everyone, so boys will be boys, but still, applied in this way it just seems so evil and awful!

We do have a bit of the stereotypical mean Slytherin thing going on here, I think its very believable here, especially because of the time period its set in. But this guy goes beyond that, he is just inherently mean. He seems to have no respect for anyone, even his professor, and he delights in others pain, which is just wrong, and yet the perfect characteristics for a death eater, or the son of a death eater.

I think one of the things that really solidified the evilness of the character wasn't even the part where he laughed at Tonks and delighted in the anger of the Ravenclaw, but rather when he was thinking about tracking the mud into the castle and having the squib clean it up by hand. That is just so very awful and really displays the intolerance that was running rampant at this time, especially in Slytherin house.

I loved this little story, it was so different and unique, looking at one seemingly insignificant incident through the eyes of three different people from three different houses. I really enjoyed it very much :)

Author's Response: Hello! Unfortunately, I couldn't find a way to easily add a Gryffindor's point of view... And the story seemed complete to me after Marcus' chapter.

Yes, Marcus certainly is a piece of work. I'm glad that you liked the childish games that they played. Just like you said, if we muggles can play cowboys and indians as children, why wouldn't the prejudiced pureblood children play wizards and muggles? :P But yes, it is a very awful concept.

Yes, I realize that I played Marcus off as a stereotypical mean Slytherin. However, it was the impression that I got from what little we saw of him in the books and the mean personality fit nicely into the context of the story. I will say that it was very interesting to create and then write a backstory, a childhood, for him.

The part about tracking mud into the castle fit so nicely into his character that I couldn't just leave it out, now could I? :P

I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story and thank you so much for taking the time to leave these amazing reviews!


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Review #42, by LovlyRitaKeep My Girl: Memories of Somebody Else's Life

13th December 2012:
A Lily/OC story! How very rare indeed!

Well, I liked this little one shot, even though the ending was a little bittersweet. Obviously she ended up with James, who she cared for a great deal, but lost out on Aiden, who seemed to be the love of her life.

I liked the way they began their relationship, poor Lily falling and hitting him! But it really seemed like they hit it off well and thrived together.

As far as the writing goes, you did well here in first person. I think the pacing was a bit fast toward the end, as we've barely been introduced to these characters and then all of a sudden half their life and schooling is done in a few short paragraphs. Of course, that could be your intention, to illustrate how fast life goes a bit, but I still think a little more time spent on the relationship earlier on would make the reader a little more empathetic and sad when they end up breaking up later in the chapter.

Just some thoughts, take them or leave them :)

Over all I thought this was a great little one shot, nice job!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thank you for you feedback. I know Lily/OC stories are very rare, mainly because nobody likes the OC that keeps Lily away from James.

I know it was fast paced, but I wanted to show that even though everything passed by her in a blur, he really did make an impact on her and helped her grow into the woman that, indirectly, saved the world!

Again, thank you for taking the time to review! :)


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Review #43, by LovlyRitaHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology

12th December 2012:
Ok, officially hooked. 100%, without a doubt, hopelessly, magnificently hooked.

You know, and when I say this I am being completely honest. It has been a very very long time since I have read fan fiction. And part of you might be saying right now, hey, don't you validate? Yes, yes I do. But I don't READ. It has been well over a year since I was enamored with a story...a year and a half most likely. And since this review swap, I've found so many great stories that I've heard about for ages but never gave thought to. This is one of them. And I'm so happy that I have journeyed down this road!

Ok, let's start at the beginning. I'm loving the conversation between Harry, Hermione, and Ron. It's great to see that after all these years, they are still inherently the exact same people they were at the end of the seventh book, they all have the same characteristics and the same petty arguments. I like the house elf too (is it pronounced Hermes? That's what I was saying in my head). I think that is one of the strongest points of this chapter so far.

And that brings me to the next point. Glasses. Why do wizards need glasses? Why isn't there a healing spell for eyes? If muggles can do surgery (like my husband had, which is totally unfair) and have their eyes corrected, why can't a spell just fix that. As I have my own personal canon for several physical afflictions I assume there is some good, logical reasoning for it, but it was just a wonderment that came to my mind whilst I was reading your story. It's the little things that always make you go hmm.

Speaking of which, I love all the little charities and organizations that you mentioned along the way. My favorite was Dobby's house. How sweet was that. ♥

The next thing I liked about this, is how gradually you have managed to bring up questions and and mysteries in this chapter. There wasn't a glaring like OMG cliffhanger type situation, but at the same time you managed to create little bitty cliff hangers throughout it. What is the deal with Rose and Scorpius? What the heck was going on with Octavia during Ginny's ordeal, and just what in the sam hell happened to Ginny?! That was one of my favorite parts, the way you subtly brought things up.

And little Octavia, I loved her! What a fearless little girl, that wants to play with a boggart! And her mother and Harry let her! I feel like I'm the disapproving one, sitting here going I don't think that's a good idea! But then, what do I know, really?

I really enjoyed the pacing and the attention to detail of this chapter. Really really nicely done :)

Author's Response: Hello, again!

So I have an enormous grin plastered across my face right now. Huge. Ear to ear. I only got into fan fiction about 2 years ago, so I haven't reached that point yet where my interest starts to wane. I'm sure I'll get there at some point. It's nice to see that it's possible to find your way back.

The hardest thing about writing this chapter, bar none, was trying to age the three of them realistically and still have them sound like themselves. I'm incredibly glad that it worked for you. It got easier as the story wore on and I really started to think of the three of them as sexagenarians, but in the beginning it was painful. Hermys is pronounced like the Greek god, so you have it right. I borrowed that name from another fic on the archives that I adore.

I have no idea why wizards need glasses, but there seem to be an awful lot who do. Every year, I think about maybe having my own eyes fixed and every year I decide against it for whatever reason (time, money, inconvenience). But you're right, some things don't make much sense.

I'm glad you like cliff hangers. You'll probably come across one or two more of those. ;)

Octavia is one of my absolute favorite characters in the entire story. She will be part of it until the very end.

So glad you're enjoying the story! Like I said, gigantic grin on my face! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #44, by LovlyRitaOther Side of Glass: dust

12th December 2012:
What a very powerful piece of writing you have here.
I think my favorite part of this whole story is your word choice and the way you've described things. Pardon me for this review being all over the place because I kind of am at a loss for words.

My favorite line was the one about how Fred's voice is lost, how it was congealing, etc. Because the thing about it is, a lot of description or imagery is beautiful but abstract, lots of similes and metaphors. But that line is so beautifully written and hauntingly true. Just another brutal way to remind George that Fred is dead.

Another thing that I really like here is the way George has almost claimed ownership over Fred's body, and he should be the only person to touch him or be close to him, because he was his twin, his other half. I thought that was very well done.

And then, the whole thing with Lee Jordan and mistaking him for Fred, and George feeling as though he could just live as Fred. That was a very powerful scene and really evoked quite a bit of emotion. Especially the way he discusses walking in Fred's legs and carrying on as him.

More than anything though it just seems like this whole chapter is hazy, or dusty, so it's aptly named. It is as though George has no connection to reality or the gravity of the situation, so consumed over the loss of his twin. I really enjoyed this look into his mind immediately following the aftermath of his death and look froward to reading on in your story :)

Author's Response: Hello there!

Aww thanks so much for your lovely comments! I'm glad you like parts of the description, because I can get pretty obsessive over word choice / diction, to make sure the prose doesn't get too clunky or the imagery too overwhelming.

The twins are my favourite characters along with Lee, but they are rather difficult to pin down, whether in their pranking moods or in heavier, darker situations like this. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter and found it emotive and realistic; I have been trying to convey George's sense of shock, along with a slight loss of touch with reality. And I hope that's been successful :)

Thank you so very much once again for your wonderful review, and I certainly do hope you keep reading :D Happy hols!

-teh


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Review #45, by LovlyRitaBefore They Fall: The Order

11th December 2012:
Oh Crap there are only 2 chapters of this left. How did this happen? No!!

Ok, back to the story :P

I liked that we got to see a little bit of the beginning of the order of the phoenix, especially Moody's assessment of all of them. I have a fondness for him, definitely, and it's just so scary to think that these kids that are barely 17-18 years old, and they are already being recruited to fight. Although I guess 18 is the age you can enter the military but...shh. :P

And I love how McGonagall feels like they are "her" children, and she's watched them grow and morph into the adults they are becoming. aww. I feel for her. :)

Oh look at all this Lily/James all over the place. Oh dear, oh dear indeed. :P I'm just kidding, my skepticism is a cruel joke, I really liked this part. Poor James is all in his head, thinking about quidditch, thinking about other things, and then there's his lovely Lily by the lake. I'm glad that she let him hug her, kind of let him in physically for the first time. (I realized it as soon as I typed it, let's ignore it.) I'm glad that they are really starting to connect on all levels now, and maybe eventually they will even get to kiss! ahaha.

I have to admit though, I sit and read every chapter with awful trepidation, because I am so scared that something is going to happen to James' parents, I keep waiting for it in every chapter and I really really hope that nothing is going to happen to them, but every time they are mentioned, i'm like oh God please still be alive! But so far so good, thank the Lord. I wonder if this is what it's like when you're reading Brain Activity. lol I'm an awful person.

Though I must say that this chapter was a great relief, because I feel like a string of bad or really stressful things have been happening to them, so this chapter was a great break from all that sort of dramz, and it just focused a lot on James and Lily, and some of the lesser plot points which was nice. I have a feeling it wouldn't be like that for long, but this was a nice little break :) They deserve some time to be happy together.

And I've said it once and I'll say it again, I do not like the Alrek, he seems wrong, all wrong, and I dislike him entirely. I'm gonna go ahead and cling to that now :P

Also, I feel like I validated this chapter. I can't be sure but I'm pretty sure I did. *resists urge to stalk*

Ok, now that review is over, LAMENT FACT THAT THERE IS ONLY 2 CHAPTERS LEFT no!!! Not that I'm entirely innocent. I keep being torn, when you send back reviews, I'm like..review or write, review or write. Now I know the answer. The answer is write. Because then more BA happens, and I can put off having no BTF to read. yes, I feel like this is a good arrangement :P

LOVED IT as per usual, darling, totally brilliant, I look forward to the next chapter, which seems to be full of some type of Hogsmeade Shenanigans!

Ashley

Author's Response: Hahaha oh my gosh your 'oh dear, dear indeed' just made me have serous gigglies. Thank god you realized how your 'let him in physically' sounded, because there's no way I would have been able to be 12+ and point it out if you hadn't. Hahahahah.

So! If it eases your James Parents feels (although, you don't ease me DON'T TAKE ROSE AND SCORPIUS feels, so I don't know why I want to ease yours :P) But, Olivia and WIlliam will absolutely be alive to see their first (and only, sob) grandchild be born. Which means we have a long time left with them, yay!

Alrek! Mwahaha. Keep an eye on him. Don't worry!!! Chapter 14 is almost done! And you're halfway through 10, right?? I'm sort of excited to be caught up with BA so I can send you annoying messages and poke at you to tell me what happens (although now that I know you don't plan, that might not get me anywhere) and I can poke at you to hurry up and write. Mwahaha. Sorry, I'm a mean girl.

I'm so happy you loved this ♥ and the next chapter is a bit up fluff mixed in with some important clues mixed in with some more fluff :P Try not to let your Snape Lily heart burst :P!

Have I told you how happy your reviews make me, btw? Because they seriously turn me into a squee-y five year old.


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Review #46, by LovlyRitaBefore They Fall: Constant Vigilance

11th December 2012:
It's 2:08 in the morning and I am wide awake, for reasons that I am not entirely sure of. So I have decided to come and read and review this chapter instead of sleep. yay

Ok, I read all the way through this time and some things stuck out to me. First of all, did I pick up on that whole invincibility thing last chapter or what?! It seems to be the theme of this chapter, the way that things are becoming real to the student and they are having to learn and deal with it. Beautifully done.

Oh! Before I forget, I love your chapter image! I have loved them in previous chapters but I always forget to comment on them so I will say now that this one really caught my eye! And I love that you chose Moody on there!

Today I read one of the most well written mad eye moodys that I have ever. ever. EVER. seen on the archive. I could hear everything he said in his growl, and the things he said were just so...in character! This is a tough one to get right and you absolutely nailed it. I loved the bit about the lost fingers, it was just brilliant.

Poor Frank, jumping quickly to hex Rosier or worse. Those nasty death eaters. But I was totally rooting for Alice when she blew him up a la Aunt Marge! so classic! Poor McGonagall too, because she's trying to uphold her honor as a teacher but even she must see that Rosier is a big non 12+ word. That being said I was glad to see in the beginning section with the prefect meeting, that the Slytherin prefects seemed to be normal human beings. Not all Slytherins are bad, darn it!

OMG I almost forgot the beginning, how sweet it was! The thing is, I can kind of see Petunia's side with some of this. It would be difficult to have a sister who you love dearly go off to some weird boarding school. And especially since she can use her magic there but not at home, I really can see how Petunia would be confused and hurt that she wouldn't do that for her, even though she knows she can't. It's such a sad story but I also love how Petunia was apologizing for her meanness. I think that is the other tragic piece of Lily's life, her relationship with Petunia.

Ok finally, James' letter. Methinks this is the start of the Order of the Phoenix, yes?! Exciting stuff here. I also adore James' dad's letter, because it is so so so real. It sounds like a real father, writing to his son, with real father problems (such as the cigar).

I cannot possibly tell you how much I love this story. It is so plausible, so canon, and so very real! That's my favorite part, that these characters see like real people on the page, your own best friend or grandpa. Simply put, it is just amazing! I cannot wait to continue this journey onto the next chapter.

Phenomenal job.

Ashley

Author's Response: I'm finally catching up on responses!

Well, I don't want to encourage you staying up until two in the morning, BUT I'm happy you did AND reviewed the story, mwahaha.

Aren't the chapter images awesome?? Pheonixn has made all but one, and she always does such an awesome job. I'm spoiled!

I'm so happy you liked Moody! He was one of the most difficult characters so far, but once I got into the groove of it I had so much fun. And yeah, I really wanted to take the 'r' out of that certain word about how he likes using his left hand, because it sounded cruder without the r, but my British friend advised me against it :P

Funny fact about me trying to make sure I remember to keep some Slytherins nice.. next to my notes I have all the prefects, and next to Briscoe the Slytherin one, I have written (7th year, Slytherin, nice snakey). Hehe. Just thought you'd enjoy that ;)

I will tell you now that Olivia and William are not official members of the Order. They believe in the cause, of course, and they help out a lot. But more as personal favorites to Dumbledore than anything. We know they died of old age, so at this point William is 90 and Olivia is 87. Except in my head they look like fifty year olds. And since they're wizards it flies, right? Anyway, they never accepted the invitation to be members because they just felt too old and wanted to keep James away from as much as they could. But they still believe in it enough and help enough that they wouldn't exactly tell James not to join. If they told James about it at all... which as of now no one in the group knows the name for 'Dumbledore's group' and I'm totally blabbering on. Hmmm. I'll stop now :P

I LOVE YOU AND YOUR AMAZING REVIEWS. The characters being real means so much to me, you have no idea ♥


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Review #47, by LovlyRitaTon-Tongue Toffee : Sorting of the Last

11th December 2012:
Hello there!

Well I really enjoyed this little story! I am horrible when it comes to next gen characters, seriously. I rarely know who is who unless it's the core trio and their children. I know, it's awful. Yet from the beginning I just had the foreboding that this little girl belonged to George :)

I feel like she's got a bit of an attitude going into the castle, a kind of like...I am so over this, I already know what's going to happen here I might as well be in my third year. Which honestly, is probably what a lot of children think when they come from a very long family. I really like that they kept the secret of the sorting from her though, because it at least some air of mystery.

And the bit about the toffees, definitely George's girl there! But I feel so bad for the kid up in front of the whole school whose tongue is like protruding from his mouth! It's supposed to be a time that he remembers and enjoys, his sorting, but he has to deal with this prank! I just feel bad for him is all. But it something that George's offspring would definitely do!

I feel like toward the end of your story you kind of switched tenses from past to present, but then occasionally you slip back into past tense again, which is something you may want to look at.

Overall I really enjoyed this story, I think you did a great job with the description and the imagery, especially in the beginning as she was coming across in the boats in anticipation of her first year.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hey! Sorry it's taken me an obscenely long time to respond to this!

She does have a bit of an attitude and i can see that if I explored her more I think it would show a bit more that she doesn't know as much as she thinks she does. It would be a humbling experience. However, at this point, she thinks she knows it all. I agree that it comes from having her whole family come through Hogwarts already and being the last it may seem like old news, less exciting and more expected.

Haha, i know, i felt bad doing it to him and tried thinking of another way to add that part in but it just seemed to work there best. though he may not recover from the embarrassment.

I liked the beginning best as well, i think i lost some of the narrative style the more I wrote this. That came from me writing this in a few different sittings i think. Thank you though for all your lovely comments and pointing out the tense issue! Thanks!


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Review #48, by LovlyRitaHarry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood: Everything That Ever Mattered

10th December 2012:
Hi there!

Ugh, being in a sad and emotional mood as I am, this was just NOT the chapter for me to read :( Epic sad face.

At the beginning of the chapter I was kind of like...why is he referring to his grandkids like that when he's talking to Ginny? Shouldn't she KNOW whose kids belong to who? And then as I kept reading it all made sense. So with that being said, I really liked the way you introduced the characters and introduced us to the family. It was a creative way to do it, albeit a very sad way.

I also kind of like how you didn't have any of Harry's children become Aurors. I feel like that's such a cliche thing to do, and definitely something that I am guilty of.

Your description in here is perfect too, I love how he is just nonchalantly sipping ice water throughout the scene, having a conversation to his wife and yet to himself.

Though I will say I've finished the prologue and first chapter of your story and I still have no clue what it's about :P I look forward to finding out more, because I must say there are 2 things that really attract me to this story.

1) It's written by a guy, which to me is awesome. There are so many squishy romances out there, so many female writers that I love to see the characters from a male perspective. So that's got me really excited to read this.

2) One of my very very favorite things to read is the main characters in advanced age. Or at least some snippet of them as adults. That's probably because I am an adult so I relate to it more, but I just like to see where authors take it, so that has got me really excited to read on :)

Over all I really like it, brilliant job!

Author's Response: Hi, there! I'm trying so hard not to be terrible with responding to my reviews, but I so love the sight of them on my unanswered reviews page! Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Yeah, this probably isn't the best chapter to read when you're already sad. :( It's honestly one of the most emotional things I've ever written. When I was writing this, I knew that I had to make some hard decisions if it was actually going to be interesting enough to read. I love Ginny and Harry together, so it was a really hard decision to make, but I think it worked out in the end. Still, it leads to a lot of sad moments.

I completely agree. Stories where half of the Potter/Weasley family become Aurors are painfully cliche. I tend to imagine that after growing up and seeing the sacrifices that their father makes to keep the wizarding world safe, none of his children were likely inclined to follow his career path.

You'll figure out relatively soon what the story is about, but the complete picture isn't revealed until the very end. Many things are not what they seem. As far as your two points of attraction, 1) Yep, you caught me. I'm not exactly sure what constitutes the difference between male and female perspective, but I'll take your word for it. 2) My main attraction to writing a story in this time period is the fact that I've rarely seen it done. Also, it allowed me to expend the playing field to include a whole new generation of the Potter/Weasley family beyond the Next Gen characters.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! Looking forward to seeing what you think when the plot really starts to take off. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #49, by LovlyRitaBefore They Fall: One of Theirs

10th December 2012:
I'm B.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.ck!! With style, as well :)

Some things I wanted to address in your last review response before I get to this review. 1) I have such a dirty mouth. When I podcast on the livestream, it's horrific because I always slip up and say bad things. Then my staff members warn me on the site. Who warns an admin? jerks :P 2) Anytime you wanna sit down and have a mother in law vent, you just let me know, I gots stories ahaha!

Ok, onto the review.

Oh thank Goodness Frank is ok! I was like no he can't be missing! Ok well, I mean I held out hope; after all there is a Neville in canon but still I was like No! And it's so sad that this massacre occurred, you can really see the way this war is starting, how it unfolds and how Lily originally thought it was a distant war. Which makes sense, even though her own family is muggles, but when you're young and in school you always have this thought of invincibility. This is the first time they are realizing that they are not invincible, that this war is going to be fought on their front lawn, amongst their friends and classmates, and I think you've done a great job depicting that.

I also really enjoyed the bit with James' patronous and the fact that you had the marauders create that, along with Frank. I really enjoy that, and I also appreciate that you did the research into it. I tried to do that once with wolfsbane in my very first story in 2005. I couldn't find who created it ,so I had Severus create it (it was compelling I promise) but then I found out later who made it and I was mad. dang it. But I do appreciate a well researched story. I thought the way he did it was awesome, that's one of the pieces of magic that I like the best , the fact that a patronous can speak for the caster. Very cool.

And finally the end with Bellatrix, which i must admit was one of my favorite parts of this chapter. exploring her psyche is something that I had not done previous to a one shot that I wrote, and it was a playground that I adored dabbling in. I think you do a brilliant job with her too. She is so upset with her failure that she literally is going insane from it. You can see this in the canon series too, but it's very intense here. I love the scene with her nails on the mirror, I think that was very well done and very chilling. You don't know exactly what she is going to do, and that worries me but it also excites me a little. *checks another tick in the box for reasons why she makes a good head of Slytherin house*

Overall I think this was done so well again. I could gush and gush over how much I love this story, but I think the best thing about it is that I just don't want to stop reading it. Please believe me when I tell you that as a validator I've been a bad girl in the sense that I stopped reading stories. I validated but I hadn't read and reviewed anything in probably a year. The last story I really got into was published in June 2011. That's a year and a half ago! But I am having such a magnificent time reading this, becoming attached to the characters, and dare I say it, rooting for James and Lily. Even though I don't want to. But damnit I have to because you've made them so easy to root for, it's wrong to read this story and say "nope, these two don't belong together" because quite clearly they do, and in the most natural and logical way possible. This story has made me say...ok, fine, maybe they loved each other, maybe Harry was the best thing that ever happened to them...maybe they WERE meant to be together. As much as all the one shots on my page tell you that Lily cheated on James numerous times with Severus...I think this story shatters all of Severus/Lily dreams, and I think I'm ok with that. But ONLY for this story, mind you. JUST THIS ONE. Every other one can go jump off a cliff. *holds this one tight*


Loved it as per usual :)

Author's Response: Okay. You. Ashley. Now that I've clarified that your name, does in fact end with LEY (thank you twitter). Not only do your reviews turn me into this pile of love mush, but they are so AMUSING. I want to review your review. Hahahah.

I think what I'm trying to be most careful with this, when it comes to Snape/Lily fans that I want as readers, is to NOT turn Snape into this awful guy and not make it seem like Lily was the angel who could do no wrong. Because neither of those are true at all! Yes, Lily and James will always be it for me, but that doesn't mean I don't think Snape loved Lily any less. I just think the way he was raised, the things he saw, his need to possess, brought his love into a territory that would have killed both of them if their friendship hadn't ended. But yeah, I don't really know where I was going with this except I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HOLDING THIS TIGHT AND NOT LETTING IT THROW ITSELF OFF A CLIFF ♥

After I get my new computer (my Christmas present to myself, or late since it will be in January) I want to explore podcast more! Right now my little macbook is so outdated that anything too much hurts its little brain. But! Yeah. I think hearing everyone's voices sounds fun... creepy of me, but still fun :P. And AditDraco wanted to podcast one of my stories, Fairy Dust, so I'm excited to see how it all happens. And... Again I'm back to blabbering. I just don't want to end this response because you attacked me with FEELS and I WANT TO KEEP FEELING THEM.

I love that you picked up on the feeling that they realized they really weren't invincible. I think James and Sirius understand much more than Lily, both of them being a lot more aware of Dark Wizards and all. But Lily just doesn't get it that it's here. The war isn't just news anymore, it's happening.

Bellatrix is one of my all time favorite things to write. She's just so... she's just Bellatrix. She's a battered wife in so many ways, but takes it to a million steps forward. And isn't necessarily the wife of the batterer. Obviously. Though I'm sure she wishes she was. Nutter.

Can I just hug you and squeeze you forever for giving Before They Fall so much attention? And looking past all the nonsense you've had to validate to give them a try, because Lily, James, Belle, Alice, Frank, Peter, Sirius, Remus and myself all love you for it ;) ♥


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Review #50, by LovlyRitaAlienation Beyond Measure: Ravenclaws and Weasleys

10th December 2012:
This is a great second chapter!

First of all, I was completely engrossed the entire time, a lot of times I review as I go but I was just sat reading the entire time! :)

I feel so bad for Hugo, he's so isolated from everything he's known and it's even worse that all the people in his class seemingly went to the same primary school. He clearly does very well in school, especially in herbology where he has some comfort level with the subject matter.

And he hasn't shown any signs of magic yet? Poor Hugo. I mean he has to be a wizard, he got his Hogwarts letter, right? Poor thing :( I feel so bad for him!

I love this idea of the Weasley family meeting in the room of requirement though, that's super unique and cool, and like a little part of all their parents that has been passed down. They really are a tightly knit family so it's cool to see them together, and again really cool of them to accept Hugo despite him being in another house.

Over all I thought this was very enjoyable. It flowed well and you get a good sense of how isolated poor little Hugo is. I hope things get better for him soon!

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

Yep, Hugo is very, very alone and not that good at making friends on his own (it was usually Lily that did all of the talking!) so it will be somewhat difficult for him to make his place in this House.

The family meetings are so much fun to write. I just love the idea of them having a code of conduct and agreeing to keep things secret from their parents. It's something we had with my cousins when we were teenagers, just a protection so that no one would let anything slip out during family gatherings!! They aren't all best friends of course, but they tolerate each other and will help each other out.

Things will get better for Hugo at some point but reality is hitting him hard right now. Too much stress coming from different sides and he doesn't know how to cope yet.

Thanks again for the review, I'm really happy that you liked this chapter as well :)


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