Hello Ral! I'm finally here to give you your last review!

Oh my goodness I loved this story! It's everything that I can't do, and that makes me love it even more!

Ok, let's start with Rose. I think that she is definitely the typical "other woman." I loved the way you used flashbacks in this, it really makes it a well rounded story, it doesn't make it feel like a one shot at all. Right out of the gate, you make us want Rose and Scorpius to be together, even though it starts with heartbreak.

I really like how he wasn't there in the beginning, and you start with Rose in the bed. I think this really is a great effect to proving that she kind of is being left behind. I especially loved the descriptions of how her eyes and hair have kind of lost their shine and sparkle, which really coincides with how she has suddenly lost faith in their illicit relationship and kind of realized that she can't live like this anymore.

The first flashback I really liked. Honestly, when i was reading this story I kept thinking...this is exactly the kind of relationship that I imagined for Rose and Scorpius. The way they keep it quiet and don't tell their families. I loved that and I think that it is probably a "canon" thing to do. But to me, it's so heart breaking that Rose was finally ready to take that leap, and then at last minute she is unable to due to his father's health condition. Just heart breaking.

Then, after his marriage, and when they start seeing each other, I think you did a great job with Rose here. She obviously doesn't want this to be the way that her life turns out, but she is so in love with him that she resigns to live her life like this anyway. So melancholic!

I thought Camille's reaction to this is so very cold. You would think that she would be broken up about it, but it seems as though she knew it all along. I think this is interesting, since it appears that both of their families still have some power left in the world, but the fact that her dad is becoming minister kind of, to me, makes it seem like she has the upper hand in the relationship, but then it really doesn't turn out like that. I liked the dialogue between Scorpius and Camille and the way he just walks out because he realizes he's losing the best thing in his life.

My favorite scene in the whole thing though, despite the end, was the part where Rose just tears the sheets off the bed and then tears off her clothes and cries while the water is hot. What a powerful image I had in my mind! You described it so well here, I just loved the level and attention to detail!

And then the ending! So sweet! I was so happy for them, and the fact that he showed up with a trunk! love!

The one thing I like about this is that, I know you wrote it for a Nicholas Sparks challenge but it really almost does read like a Nicholas Sparks book. so full of heartbreak, but uplifting at the end, which is fabulous.

Over all it was just so beautiful. I really enjoyed this read. Thank you!

Ash

Author's Response: First: apologies for taking so long to answer your review(s). You are awesome and your feedback is awesome and I don't even know where to begin with it all.

In relationships where there's another woman people always tend to look at her as the bad guy. But I feel that there are some moments in life where you have to make a choice because it's the right thing to do. Like Dumbledore said, the choice between what is right and what is easy.

As for Camille, it's something I've often heard of with wealthy families. The women know about their husbands affairs but keep quiet because they like their life style. And yes, she did have the upper hand, but in my heart I am a romantic and I do believe in happy endings and I wanted this for them!

The scene with Rose trying to get rid of Scorpius from her life by washing him away was something that was so vivid in my mind and I'm glad it got across in writing as well!

I have no words to express how humbled I am by your comments! You really made my day! ♥

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Hi! :)

I have a story that's very similar to this, it's quite uncanny! Except mine is in reaction to the news that Snape is being heralded a hero, but it still has that panick-y, PTSD feel.

Anyway, enough about my crappy story, I wanted to tell you how much I loved this!

I think a lot of people in fan fiction like to see the other side of the war through Rose colored glasses, and I think JKR made it really easy to do that, given the epilogue. But that's just not reality, so I love to see Neville written in such an honest and realistic way!

One of the things I really liked that you did here was kind of give an insight into Neville's thoughts as to what kept him going through the tough times at school. Because his life was threatened while he was there, and it was a tough year for him. When he says things like "What would Harry do?" and wondering what his Mum and Dad would do...I'm sure that gave him strength when he was doubting himself and helped him to push forward even when times were rough.

I also think it's a very Neville-like quality to want to attribute his successes to other people. I loved when Hannah was consoling him and told him that he had done just as much as Harry. Neville's place in this story is so very important and I think it's heartbreaking that he is almost beating himself up, as though he wasn't as important.

Your writing style is so smooth and clear. It reads easy and it's just...straight forward. I love stories like that, because the trend nowadays is to put a bunch of flowery description and obscure metaphors, and it just wouldn't be appropriate in a story like this. It makes his mental anguish and anxiety more real, and it makes it jump off the page It was just so expertly done.

One of the other things that really makes this story for me is how you bring in Hannah as a comfort. She is there for him, finishing his sentences, understanding him more than anyone else could because she lived through it with him. And I think that's what makes them a good pair. I like the way you end the story on a high note, to give hope for the future for him. Especially the way you have the sword falling from his hand, which is great symbolism to suggest that he is amenable to letting go of the past and moving forward with Hannah, his future.

A few of my favorite lines that stood out to me:

...and left them all gaping like goldfish. I thought this was a GREAT visual, but most likely an exact representation of what would have happened. Loved that!

Now, the little round-faced boy inside him wept. He didn’t want to be a hero

I loved this line because you kind of imagine Neville spending his 7 years of Hogwarts trying to shed that image of him being a sidekick and a coward who had been sorted incorrectly and was basically a "legacy" Gryffindor. He's finally done it, but it came at such a high price he wants to hide. I loved that thought, it was so well done! And something I honestly had never thought about before, but completely canon and within his character.

Anyway I just wanted to stop by and leave you a review! I had read something of yours previously and loved it and I loved this one as well. You have such a gift for engrossing the reader, even for a short one shot, and I'm so glad I decided to stop by!

Well done :)

Ash

Author's Response: Thank you so very much. Your opinion means so much to me. You caught everything I was trying to convey in this little story. Neville spent so long trying to fit in and be the Gryffindor, to make someone proud of him. Now that he'd done it, it felt overwhelming and wrong to seek attention for it. I appreciate the depth you go to here to let me know the areas I got right. It means a lot to me! Thank you, Ash!!! ~GW

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Hello!!

What a cute little story you have here! It's so nice to have this surprise where she thought she wasn't going to be able to bear children, and then she ends up being pregnant!

I kind of had a feeling that that's where you were going with the story, but it's a really nice thought. I think of the two characters you have here, Scorpius was my favorite. He is strong and really caring, even when Rose is having a difficult time. I like the way he laughs at her, even though Rose grows more indignant.

And really, that's how real life is too, in a marriage. It's great to see them happily married after 5 years.

The first time the see the baby's heartbeat is so sweet, and they are both so shocked it's like they have a hard time comprehending the situation! And this would be something that probably would be shocking, that they'd need to count all their blessings for.

I like that Rose, even though she's just been given this amazing news, still is thinking- I don't know if we're ready for this! Even though she's been dreaming of this moment, wishing for it, and finally resigned herself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen. Her shock was palpable, and then of course she starts thinking all the things that a young parent would- omg I'm not ready for this, how are we going to do this? When really they are both established adults and are absolutely ready! I just thought it added a nice dimension to your story, especially after the beginning where Rose is kind of almost juvenile and irresponsible in dealing with her sickness and going to the doctor. It's like throughout this entire story you see her grow up, just in 2K words, which is something very difficult to do, so bravo!

Well done, a very enjoyable read!

Ash

Author's Response: Hello!

I wanted to have her display these symptoms that are obvious for anybody, like, you're having a baby. Only she can't. I view life as a miracle and really wanted to capture that there!

And I guess all women are like that at some point. Sometimes when I'm sick, I'm worse than a toddler. But we man up when we have to!

Thank you for the amazing review!

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Hello!

Here with your first review from your win in the March review battle!

First of all, I want to commend you on the way you've written this. I like that you didn't reveal who the two characters were thoughout the story. I kept trying to guess who it was, and even at one point actually thought that maybe it was Molly and Arthur and it was going to have a happy ending. Yeah could not be further off from that lol!

I love the way this story starts off with the narrator describing himself as "poison" and how it was kind of a running description through out. It kind of sets the tone for this, gives it kind of an ominous outlook from the beginning because you're like, ok this person is going to be dangerous to anything he comes into contact with.

I also loved your analysis of relationships and the way you describe one person being totally in love and another person with maybe their foot half out the door or something. I think that's a really good and realistic description of a lot of romances and marriages, and maybe just the natural ebb and flow of human connection. I thought that entire section was very well done.

I want to kind of address something quick though that probably isn't your fault. I was a bit distracted by the bolded words. My eyes kept being drawn to them and for me personally they kind of took away from the story. I'd just follow down, trying to see if they made a pattern or something, and I'd lose my place and it was just generally quite distracting for me. I know the words were given to you in the challenge so you can't really help that but I just thought I'd let you know. Just a personal preference on my side.

You have such a lovely way of describing things, and you made great use of the words that you were given. I think that they were all aptly placed and it didn't really seem like you went "Oh, I need a sentence where I can fit this word in, here let's do this." I thought it fell in good with the over all flow of the piece.

You really are masterful in using metaphors and similes in your writing. I enjoyed that description quite a bit! There were so many lines that really stuck out to me I think I would have a hard time choosing just few to quote here!

One of the other aspects of this story that I really like that you just don't see in a marauder's era romance of any sort was the way that you focused just on Lily and Sirius. This wasn't about the marauders and their counterparts, this wasn't about James and his Sirius bromance, or James trying to impress Lily. This was specifically about Sirius and wanting to shut the world out, wanting to exist as a singular unit without outside interference until she came along. I love that you also didn't really delve too deeply into their relationship and what made them work/not work. It was literally about their rise and fall and his personal demons and limitations that made their romance ultimately falter, and I think that's what makes this piece so striking and unique.

I also like that the reveal of the characters was so demure and quick. The build up to the reveal of course happened gradually throughout the story, but I love that you did it at the very end, without much pomp and fanfare. It was simple, heartbreaking, and concise, and I think that really made it stand out.

Overall I really enjoyed this piece and was impressed with your writing and attention to detail, like I said earlier!

Great job!

Ash

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This is one of the best reviews I've ever gotten!

This story is really special to me, since I wanted to do a Sirius/Lily and I also wanted to do that challenge. English isn't my first language so I had to dust off the dictionary and get to it!

I'm so happy you caught on to the fact that this was about a man and his demons. Even when you're in a relationship and you love the person next to you, sometimes you have to be a little selfish. He was selfish to the point of self destruction. For me, this story creates ripples through canon, even though I know it could never be, because the way I see him, this is the man that later ended up like he did. This is what happened to him and he was reckless until the end!

Again, thank you so much for your kind words! I was blown away by your review! You are awesome!

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Alli!!

Girl, you know I love this story, I already told you I loved it, I beta'd it, and I thought it was just so well written!

I have to first of all just gush and gush about the rich description you used here! I thought that opening paragraph was just beautifully done, it immediately pulled me into the story. The second sentence to me was TO DIE FOR. (Pun intended since...you know...it's killing him. lol) I totally had a magic school bus like view of the body where this toxin is just going through and destroying things in its path and things are shriveling up and dying. It was just so well done, I loved that line.

So, I really like the memories you've decided to include in these flashbacks. I know that technically this is not a snape/lily one shot, but it reads like once, simply because the memories are biased to Snape. And he so loved Lily his entire life, it would make sense that he would pull out the moments that he held most dear to him. He lived for nothing else in his adult life; only for her and anything he could do to honor and cherish her memory. So I really love the moments you chose to include.

I especially love how your descriptions always focus distinctly on Lily. How she looked, the almost angelic quality of her, in his point of view.

I know you were worried about the dialogue in here, but I didn't find it stiff at all. I think that it's very true to the way they would have interacted. I also liked the inclusion of some naughty language :P you know how I do!

I loved the metaphor of the film strip and how you described that whole section, before you go right in to a memory involving a film strip. That was well done and a very effective transition tool.

And finally, I just wanted to comment on the last paragraph. I think it made me cry because of all the sad face things that have been happening in my life recently, but it did. From an physiological stand point I think this was a masterful and powerful way to end your story. It's so...literal. There's nothing hidden about it. Quite literally, this is physically what happens when you die. And I love the way you did it here. Even if it did make me cry. :P

I'm really jealous of your attention to detail here and I think you should keep writing! This was really well done, I think even with the flashbacks the flow was well done and enjoyable!

As a Snape/Lily fan, you've got me with this one :) love love love!!


Ash

Author's Response: Hey Ash!

I'm so glad you thought the description was strong in this story since I really tried to work at getting the scene to be easily imaginable in people's minds. Yay for the magic school bus! I guess I kind of had that type of idea in mind when I was writing it.

It's really hard to please either side of the Snape/Lily/James debate with a story like this because Snape and Lily still don't end up together, but Snape's love for Lily is so strong that you want to give him a chance over James. The memories were trying to reflect just little bits and pieces of their relationship and what Snape thought of over the years when he thought of Lily. I'm happy you picked out how the descriptions were heavily biased to Lily's actions and appearance in Snape's mind. I picture Snape as being almost infatuated with her and never being able to take his eyes off of her when he's with her.

I don't know why I struggle with dialogue so much but it just seems so unnatural when I read it back. I find myself wanting to make the dialogue more complex and interesting but then trying to stay simpler because that's how they would actually talk. I'm glad you thought the dialogue wasn't stiff though. That's certainly a relief. I included naughty language just for you. :P Maybe not, but I figured Lily and Snape would both have a little firecracker in them when it comes to James.

I'm so sorry this made you cry! It really is tragic when you think about it because Snape was never able to get over Lily, even after nearly two decades. The literal explanation of death is kind of peaceful in a way when I think about it. It can be so systematic and just powerful in a sense. I hope that doesn't sound too morbid. I just love a good death scene. :P Thank you so much for betaing this and reviewing it. You are so amazing and I feel so much better posting a story knowing you think it's decent and worthwhile.

Alli


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So like it's only been a million years since I've been here to review this, but I am here now and I am ready to go!

Ok, so the start of the chapter is awesome. I love the fact that James tried to shorten Butterscotch's name and she was having NONE. OF. THAT. haha love it. It reminds me of my friend who was like "My mom named me Elizabeth and she says it should never be shortened, she wanted to call her daughter Elizabeth." Yeah I called her Liz. lol!

The fight with the snowballs and McGonagall interrupting it was so perfect. I love that she was kind of laughing while pretending to be stern. That is the best kind of awesome, I want to be like McGonagall someday!

Whenever I read this story, it really makes me miss like...college and stuff. Where I could just go hang out with friends and be silly for hours and do silly things. Now I'm all old and grown up and I never get to see any of my friends. I think you do a great job of getting the dynamics of their friendship though, the whole group I mean. Really great job with that!

And the scene with McGonagall and Albus was great, it really kind of built suspense and foreshadowing in a really kind of subtle way and I thought it was well placed in your chapter.

Now, this memory with Petunia is so sad. Especially since Petunia seemingly had nice friends and then something just happened to her brain and now she's mean and twisty. I felt bad for her friend though because she was just trying to be nice to Lily and ask about her holidays. I mean Petunia totally had it coming to her but it really does a good job of continuing to build animosity between Lily and Petunia. That's just really heart breaking to me. I love your portrayal of both of these characters though, and I especially liked later when you brought up the fact that they had both done things to hurt each other. It's great that you don't show Lily as completely blameless, that they had both done things to ruin their relationship. Of course Petunia did more. 'cause she's a jerk.

This Christmas dinner at the Potters sounds really awesome, and I invited? I liked the description of Alice's parents here, I'm glad you didn't make them all genial and BFFs. It's really a nice picture. And I liked how you included Peter's parents and didn't make them standoffish. I hope that we might get to see a glimpse of this in later chapters since I know there is a Christmas chapter at the bottom of the page :P

And of course the Lily/James fluffy stuff at the end. yay.

Over all this was another brilliant chapter, I'm constantly bewitched by your writing and your ability to be such an engrossing story teller. Marvelous job! :)

Author's Response: ASHLEY! CAN I BOTTLE YOU UP AND KEEP YOU? Yes? Okay, let me just reach through the computer and.whack! Ashley, why did you whack me away? I just wanted to bottle you up!

Fine, I'll respond to the review instead. And here is another reason I should have know DD was you. You always do the uppercase letters with periods when you're being all intense. Dang.

I want to be like McGonagall someday too! Except not alone. I don't do well alone. Hahah. Writing this story makes me miss school SO much. Not HS, because I hated that, but definitely college. They always get to be around each other and they get to be stressed over an exam that seems like the end of the world and ugh I miss it all. I'm so happy you like the dynamic between all the friends &hearst;

I think I'll eventually have to write something of just Lily and Petunia, because their relationship is so much fun for me to explore. I'm sure I've rambled about this before, but I just don't see it being as cut and dry as 'lily is a freak i don't like her.' there's another big thing in a newer chapter that found it's way in really well in terms of these two not being able to ever be close again. I don't now what I'm saying anymore, so imma move on to the next part of your review.

YOU ARE SO INVITED TO THE POTTER CHRISTMAS DINNER. You'd be lots of fun there, especially when they pull their prank.

I'm so happy that you're still enjoying this ♥ I just want to cuddle into a happy ball every time you review and purr like Scotch. Er, Butterscotch. Sorry Lily.

Love you ♥

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Hello :)

I have not forgotten your story even though you probably think I have. It will probably take me all year, but I do plan to read and review, it just might not happen regularly :)

Anyway, to the chapter!

First of all, I like the beginning and this mysterious woman. One of the details I liked the best is where Flint starts speaking to her almost in high regard, which slowly resolves into impatience. I thought that really was a fantastic touch, and whoever she is, she doesn't really seem to care about that minor transgression. I do like how she blames everything on Flint.

I'm going to keep talking about Flint now and go to the next section with the guy in Borgin in Bourkes. This was my favorite scene in this chapter. One detail I think that really stuck out was your attention to the political climate. I really like how Flint described the current administration as "corrupt" even though it's most likely opposite from it. Everyone has moved on with the times except for him, but the government was the one that was corrupt. I really admired that small detail.

I also enjoyed his bargaining with the creepy dude, and the realization that he'd be looting. I like how you said that the Dark Lord may not be happy about it, and I really had to sit down and think about that for a second. The first time I read it, I was like, is Voldemort like a classy kind of mass murderer? But then when I really thought about it, you know, I realized that Voldemort had no use for money or riches. He could figure out other ways to get by. He was so consumed with power. So I thought it was really interesting that Flint would take the time to analyze and think that Voldemort wouldn't care for looting. I liked that a lot!

Now, onto Harry's sections. I liked the dialogue exchange between him and Bones. Nothing about your dialogue ever feels forced or unnatural, which is fabulous and really difficult to pull off sometimes. I also admire your usage of British phrases and things, even though I don't always particularly know what you're talking about. I think that was brilliantly done.

And finally, my other favorite details in this chapter was the focus on this ancient spell and the boiling of the blood. I am extremely intrigued with Hermione's lack of movement in her legs. My PT brain of course is working overtime wondering, did the blood boiling cause a spinal artery to burst? Maybe in the lumbar region, which would cause spinal cord injury? Is it something more magical? I absolutely ADORE medical issues, especially those musculoskeletal or neurological in nature so I'm quite intrigued on this one. I am interested in reading on and finding out what you plan to do with that because there aren't many stories that do it well and I'm convinced that yours is going to be one of the few that is!

Anyway, great chapter, I really enjoyed it, helped me take my mind off things :) bravo!

Author's Response: Hi, Ashley! Sorry, it has taken me a shamefully long time to get around to responding to this.

Flint is something of a recidivist by the standard of the time this story is set in. He went to prison shortly after the end of the Second Wizarding War and has only recently managed to escape, so his attitudes are well behind the times, so to speak. He sees the current leadership of the Ministry as "corrupt" simply because it's no longer mired in the pure blood status quo of years past.

The men that he meets at the Ragged Fang -- an ancient wizarding pub that caters to a very rough crowd, in a secret location next door to Bourgin & Burkes -- are definitely outsiders, but they're smart enough not to take Flint's offer at face value. Still, Flint is able to figure out something to say that appeals to them. He's clever, in a blunt sort of way.

I'm really glad that you like the dialog between Harry and Susan, because you're still in the part of the story that was written before I started working with my beta reader. So I always find it a bit rough around the edges. I've tried hard to work in some things that are more British sounding, but mostly just stuff I either find in other fics I like or on Google.

The spells that Hermione was hit with is very old and very dark. You'll learn a lot more about it as the story moves along, but suffice it to say that she has a long, difficult road ahead. The exact nature of her injury doesn't become completely clear for a while, though. I love your ideas!

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Alli!! I am so excited to come and leave you this review! I think that your chapter summary was great and I love the title of the story, it's just really interesting.

First thing of note: The imagery! Oh my goodness! I felt like when I was reading this, I could picture exactly what was happening. I love the way you mentioned the forest, and in the first paragraph whenever Sirius is pushing branches out of the way. It's just great with description.

One of the things that I really enjoy is your word choice. There are several instances throughout this where your word choice just...leaves me in awe, even though it's simple. For example, describing the jolt of exercise as "odd" which I'm sure it would have been for someone who was in Azkaban for so long! Oh and the way you describe the trees as swaying "viscously" I remember reading that when I was betaing and thinking DAMN I AM JEALOUS OF THAT DESCRIPTION. It was just brilliant, Alli, I loved it!

The thing that's so heart breaking about this too is the fact that the beginning section is totally a dream and of course Sirius wakes up to the drab walls of prison. I mean, when you're reading it, you're all caught up because you're like OMG this is the moment when he escapes! And the fact that he is still just rotting away in his cell, barely breathing, it's just so sad. I think you've done a good job with this transition.

I also love the metaphor you use about a lion running through London. I especially like it because of the symbolism of him being a Gryffindor, tearing through downtown London. That would be so frightening! But at the same time it would be much the way that I imagine Sirius running down the forest :P

Oh there's another word I like. "Boundless birds" genius.

I really enjoyed the detail of the plume of smoke that he can see from his window. Like just a hint of the outside world. It almost stands in for something you said earlier, something that makes him feel "human." Not that seeing smoke makes you feel human but almost like it was the reason for him to keep going, to know that eventually there would come a time where he could see something like that in person. Smoke gives him hope. It's such an interesting concept, and I really enjoyed the little exploration you did into that.

Ok, let's look at this heartbreaking little memory for Sirius. I love how he's like "Hagrid give him to me!" and Hagrid doesn't do it. IT's just so sad because I just think of how different Harry's life would be if he was raised by Sirius, you know? I like how Sirius originally thought Hagrid had a bundle of Lily and James' things and then JK IT'S HARRY!!! What a happish surprise! But again, reiterating just how very sad and broken Sirius is here, with all he's lost, and the fact that Harry can't come with him. It's so horrific and sad and you've done a brilliant job conveying that here.

Over all I think this is one of the best first stories I have ever read by any author ever! and you know that I read a lot of first stories :) You really have a talent for expressive description that doesn't go over the top. And again, I could gush about your word choice all day long. Perfect start to your writing career!!

I can't wait to read more from you!! :)

Author's Response: Ash!!

I really loved working on the imagery and word choice for this story so I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. I think picking the perfect adjective to help describe the scene in your story is really important, so I tried to focus on that in the beginning and really build up the setting Sirius was in.

It is so heartbreaking to watch Sirius sit in Azkaban and dreaming of the moment he will escape. Everyone always comments on how Sirius was able to remain sane in Azkaban after all those years, and the vividness of his dreams was a way for me to showcase his mental state and what he was doing to keep the dementors from destroying him.

I'm glad the transitions were improved! I tried to make the transition between the dream and present day more obvious by throwing in the 'lucid' comment, so hopefully that was successful.

I love that you mention the smoke! That's my favorite part of the story and really what ties the entire thing together. It's the smallest details in Sirius's surroundings that is giving him hope. I just love that it’s so simple.

Eep! Thank you for all of your kind compliments. You're too nice! You are such an amazing writer so it means a lot for you to say you enjoyed the story. Thank you for the review and for putting so much time into beta reading this for me!

Alli

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Ok, I am determined to make this review concise. Are you ready for this mess?

First of all...d'awww Remus. Love. Him. And Lily, just couldn't mind her own business. I don't normally find myself rooting against Lily but this was one instance where I was just like, Leave it alone Lily. The man is hurt, he's been up all night, he clearly needs some alone time. But no, she just has to go and hide and such. But, I thought the whole thing with the calling the werewolf issue the "hippogriff" was funny and kind of cute. I love Remus, I really do. And I guess it's kind of nice that Lily is in on his little secret now...in the most secretive way possible. that didn't even make sense. Forgive me.

Anyway, So in conclusion, I am glad that she knows these things now, and I am glad that her hunger for knowledge has been satiated. Now she needs to mind her own business :P

Oh and there was that part in the beginning when she decides that she wants to be a healer and I was like, I feel ya gurl. Watching someone walk again, or helping to improve their gait is just...gah. Best feeling ever. me and Lily could be BFFs. Like forever.

ANYWAY, moving on to the adorablness that is Sirius and Belle. I love them because they just try SO HARD not to be together. Both of them always have some reason why they shouldn't be together, although not Sirius so much anymore. I love how flippant he is. I am kind of obsessed with Lost right now, and he totally, in this scene, reminds me of the character of Sawyer whenever he calls her Blondie. Which, you know, is super hot. But all kidding aside, I think that it's great he's going to France with her because I think he'll definitely be able to offer moral support to her, because obviously it's not going to be an easy trip for her. But she's right, she can't keep punishing herself for her past, she has to move on. And if this is what does it, then so be it. I am very excited to see how that is going to go down in France. These next couple of chapters I think are going to be super interesting and I can't wait to read them!

Ok. This review was short. Right? :) Loved loved it!

Author's Response: Lily really has quite the curious streak. I mean, her intentions are always good and she doesn't do it to be nosy, she's just so curious! Someone better tell her that curiosity killed the cat.

Although, considering Lily's future, that's be in poor taste, right? Well, we'll just let her be curious, then :P

I love the way you put that. Lily is on his secret, in such a secretive way. He didn't admit it, and it's almost like her secret that she knows his secret, except he does know that she knows, but he has to pretend not to because, well, it's remus. And anything that has him blurting out, "I'm a werewolf," makes me grind my teeth.

Umm now I'm not making sense.

Back to your review... :P

Funny storyy! I thought of you while writing that part. Haha. Actually, I think of you while writing nearly anything that has to do with medicine. Creeepy Jami.

I wish I'd have stayed into Lost. I watched the fist season, missed the second, and it was done from there. Maybe when I finish season five of Son's of Anarchy I'll try it.

The next few chapters have been scary to write. I hope they come across okay. And yes! This review was a much more reasonable size. Not that there's anything wrong with your elephant sized ones, but I bet this didn't take nearly as long ;).

You are awesome, PS.

♥



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I AM HERE. LET US DO THIS.

Crap. It has been way too long since I have read this. I'm staring at it like...what? What happened? I'm so confused. *shuts up. keeps reading.* Wait no, I feel like I should confront this. Am I supposed to know what's going on? 'cause I like...don't. Am I bad person? I can't figure this out!

Oh wait there it is. And here's is a perfect example of where Ashley should just take her own advice and shut up and read. I'll never learn.

Ok so, section one recap: Ashley has no idea what's going on. Also, some stuff happens with Sirius. But on a serious note, I really like the way you've written Sirius here. You can see the scars that his parents have left on him here, and how his heart breaks for Belle and the life she has lead so far. And it is totally in character for him to just walk away, cool off, try and make sense of things. But James was there, and I love the exchange between them toward the end of this section, how Sirius talks about them having to deal with James and his Ego every day. Brilliant! And I LOVE how you tied in the marauder's map. perfect!

Things you'd only see in an HPFF: "before slipping out through the Fat Lady’s portrait. " I'm not sure why this struck me as funny, but it did :)

Ok so I just started reading because I couldn't stop. I JUST COULDN'T STOP.

First and foremost, the whole thing where Lily decides that she likes where things are going with James, that she is happy in the relationship, I was just like HALLELUJAH CAN I GET AN AMEN UP IN DIS HOUSE?! I gotsta celebrate this.

But then this whole thing in the hallway with the death eaters. Like, I wish I Could explain my feelings. I can't. there are so many of them. First of all, Polly, if I could tell you how much I love this girl. She seems so unbelievably sweet, I just kind of wanted to like...wrap her in a hug, and then hug carry her all the way back to the common room. But not in a creepy way. in a like...you're adorable so I'ma just cuddle you and put you to bed with a lollipop kind of way. 'cause that's not creepy right? amirite?

Anyway, back on track, ugh I could just kill Rosier, I was so happy that Lily gave him what was coming to him. And let's be honest, what was coming to him was Lily being like "Gurl, yo face is ugly. U have a poor attitude, and those shoes aren't doing you any favors." and then of course he gets hexed. Ok, maybe she didn't call Rosier a girl, maybe she said some things that cut a lot deeper. And maybe I couldn't describe it the way I wanted because I had to stay 12+. But that's neither here or there. What I'm trying to say is, I LOVED this part where she broke some rules and just hexed him. He deserved it, and that remark that they made with the suggestive nature things, that's just not ok!

The whole thing with Severus, while well put, is still heart breaking for me. And I am sure it is for her too, because this was her friend, and it ended so terribly for her. I just hate that. But it's canon and stuff. Whatever. :P

Ok and then they get caught by Filch which was so fabulous. And then when they are in the room getting punished, it was clever to interview the portraits, I loved that. And also Abigail definitely reminded me of Pansy Parkinson in a way. Just the lying, she just was gross. I'm sure her shoes weren't doing her favors either. I wasn't a fan of her. But I'm glad that Lily just got off with a few easy detentions, even though it probably should have been more given the fact that she hexed a student.

And of course, James jumps to Lily's defense immediately, and McGonagall SHUT. THAT. DOWN. She was like...don't push your luck, crazy. And, you know, I get that. He got off pretty easy. I thought the Slytherin prefect got off easy too though, she should have had her prefectdom stripped. Slughorn shoulda laid down that law. But oh well.

And I did love the end of it where they all start laughing. Lily is standing there like "Y'all jokers dont even know. I almost DIED." and they are just like "You are hilarious." no but seriously, I bet it WAS hilarious for James and Sirius, because they were like "look at how the tables are turned now!" and I bet they are all glad that everything is ok.

Still, I can't help but feel like this is foreshadowing for ominous things to come. Because like, Rosier and the rest of the slytherins aren't like to forget this. And there is a part of me that kind of hopes that if it happens again that Severus might say SOMETHING. That's because I ship Sev/Lily so hardcore though. But not even romantically...I just want him to say SOMETHING. Don't just stand there, like seriously, you big idiot. SERIOUSLY. ugh. My feelings are just not cut out for this right now. *sigh*

Ok this is obscenely long. Clearly I loved this chapter and I can't wait to move on to the next one!! :)

Author's Response: Ashley!!!

The entire first paragraph had me literally LOLing. Like, if someone were around me, they'd have though I'd gone crazy.

I think Sirius's erratic sort of brooding nature is one of my favorite things to write. He's such a sweet guy, but he knows himself well enough to know that he can't always control what he says or does, so excusing himself from the situation was definitely his best option. Good boy Sirius, good puppy!

Do you ever wonder if the Fat Lady gets sick of being called a fat lady?

Like, a prefect introduces the students to her -- "And this, Gryffindors, is the entry to the common room. The Fat Lady's portrait will ask for a password and-"

"Fat Lady?Who you callin' fat? Didn't yo mama ever teach you better than that? Fine, I'll go on a diet. We'll see who's fat when I'm done!"

Then just runs off? Yep, I bet it happens all the time :P

You couldn't stop?! Best compliment everrr ♥

Lily has FINALLY clicked! Honestly, in my head I'm like -- isn't this all happening so fast? Then I tell Dan that, and Dan's like -- JAMI! THIS IS CHAPTER 17. IT'S NOT TOO FAST.

Then I have to remember that, oh yeah, I'm one hundred thousand words in. hahaha.

I don't even know if I can respond to any of this part of your review. All I can really do is tell you --

U-G-L-Y ROSIER AIN'T GO NO ALIBI HE UGLY. yeah yeah he ugly!

You know. I don't really don't understand that song. Hahaha.

I really love Polly, too. She'll come back in throughout all of this, and I just think she's so sweet and cute and little. You know, you didn't seem creepy for wanting to carry her back to the CR and put her in bed... but then as soon as you suggested the lollipop, you're creep flag went way up. We'll pretend that didn't just happen. Yeah? :P

I'm so happy you think he deserved the hex! I did too. He's a nasty piece of work. And I'm sorry he had to bring your Sev into this mess :(

That end. It kind of came out of nowhere. But really, what else were they supposed to do?? Sirius and James were just minding their own business for once, and then they come upon Lily and that craziness, and it just all went cray from there. They've done SO MUCH WORSE and never gotten caught, but it was so worth it and then you just have to laugh. Really. It was the only option :P

Thank you so much for making numerous days with this review, m'dear. You always make me feel warm and fuzzy, but still make me giggly. You've got talent, girl. Youz definitely got alibi. (Still don't get that. Hahahah)



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Hello! This is LovlyRita here, Congratulations on winning this review, I am so excited to be here to leave it for you! And you'll be happy to know that I validated this one shot as well, so when I realized which story it was that i'd be reviewing, I was like SWEET I'm totally already familiar with it!

So let's get to it! :)

First of all, Tom Riddle one shot! yaay! I haven't ever seen one quite like this, so you've really stumbled upon something that is unique :) It's so heartbreaking to think that people actually might have come by to adopt little Tom Riddle and it really makes me sad inside! Like, here's this little boy who might have just wanted to be loved. When he was little anyway :P And because he was so odd, no one wanted him :( Poor Tom Riddle. I never thought I'd say that!

And what about these punks, Dennis and Amy! I like the way that you are rationalizing everything, making Riddle seem child like and human, which is great because that's what he is. It often seems like people seem to think he was always this evil mastermind when really he started out as a child just like everyone else. And it really must have been hard for him to be taunted that no one would ever love him. It's sad and striking, because he really did end up with no one ever loving him (Save for Bellatrix but that doesn't really count.) He exchanged the possibility of being loved for all consuming power.

This bit with the boy and his rabbit was chilling. Once again, it demonstrates the sociopath growing within him, that if he couldn't tend the rabbit, then no one would touch it. It's perfectly done. And it's very concise, the way you tie it up there. Instead of saying BTW I killed the rabbit, you hinted at it, and it was fabulous :)

Back to heart break in the next paragraph. His perception that his parents "left" him when really the backstory of his life is so much more chilling and sad than that. But again, the childlike perception is great. This belief that "If my parents wronged me, and the other children are being mean to me, then I need to teach everyone a lesson, they need to understand how I felt." It really is tragic.

The point where Dumbledore comes and Riddle realizes that he is "superior" to other is really the first flash of Voldemort that we see in this entire story, and, I know I've said "sad" several times, but to me it's sad that it happens so very early.

Over all I think this is a very well written, albeit short, one shot. It is a great insight into the mind of a confused little boy, it was concise and chilling and I really enjoyed this read!!! :) The over all flow was great and engaging.

Well done!

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad that you were excited in reviewing this story, I just assumed that validators read so many stories that they forgot which ones they had validated.

I've never read any Tom Riddle one-shots so I didn't really know whether this was similar to anything else or not, so I'm glad that you found it was unique :D

Yeah I never realised that I would feel sympathy towards Tom Riddle as well, before writing this, so I'm glad that you felt some sympathy towards him, as I feel he needs it, as he didn't have a very good start to life.

I thought he would rationalize everything thing, as he's very intelligent it seemed like the obvious thing to do! I just thought it would show that he was human once, and he could have remained human if he had some love.

I'm glad that you liked the bit about the rabbit, as I feel he never admits to what he does, so of course he wouldn't just say I killed your rabbit.

I think that if I was in his situation I would feel unloved as they had left me, so I wanted to show this may have contributed to his evilness.

Yeah I guess the visit from Dumbledore was significant as he was the one who told him about magic, and if he never visited there would have never been a Voldemort.

Thank you for this great review, it made my day :D

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Hi there!

OMG the return of the great William Potter! *is excited*

Awww Alice how cute is she, I just love her and Frank. It would make sense that he doesn't really know how to deal with certain types of close interactions given that Augusta Longbottom was never the really nuturing type of lady.

Ugh Alrek. I like throw up every single time that I see his name. Maybe I'm being overly dramatic. But srsly. And watch William Potter swoop in! I'm glad he has the same skeptical eye that I do. Well done, sir, well done.

Oh my GAWD I love James' parents even more. Thinking about her taking bets on the game. It's hilarious and it's so freaking cute, I love them, they are the best older couple ever. I want to be them when I Grow up.

Ahhh Jily kiss. Adorbs. And then Belle's all like "hey gurl, tings moving 2 fast 4 yall?" and Lily's all like "wut?" But I have to say, how could things POSSIBLY be moving too fast?! If I could, just for a moment, insert myself into this story. I'd pop up right there. here, I'll write it for you:

Suddenly, a random stranger popped up right in front of them. Given that there was no apparation onto Hogwarts grounds, Lily was confused and a little frightened at the woman standing before her.

"Lily, seriously," the stranger gasped, as though she had run a long way. "You're worried you're moving too fast? It's chapter 16, chica! You seriously need to google the definition of 'too fast.' You and James are moving like turtles as far as relationships are concerned. Just watch an episode of Teen Mom or the Bachelor. Things happen quickly. If you want to take this whole Jily thing and put some turbo boosters on it, I'm pretty sure he'd be cool with that." The stranger then winked at the girls and was magically gone.

"What's google?" asked Lily.

"What is zis Bachelor?" asked Belle.

And SCENE. Right? AMIRITE. Ahem. Maybe that was a melodramatic way to say so, but I just feel like someone should tell Lily that she shouldn't worry about moving too fast. She's cool. :P

And there's Alrek again, being an over all (non 12+ word). Poor Lily. At least Momma and Papa Potter were there to soften the blow.

Oooh Bellatrix. LOVE. I adore the descriptions of her anticipation of meeting the Dark Lord, especially when you describe the thrill she has at hearing his voice. It's all part of the intense crazy that makes her such an interesting character.

Loving the code about the plants, very sneaky.

And how just like the Dark Lord to make Bellatrix think that he's going to eat her soul before paying her a compliment. "I would like to reward you for your loyalty" says the Dark Lord. "I have booked a room at the Super 8 motel down the street for us just for the night, I hope you like free HBO" I mean...WHAT?!

Oh wait, nevermind, she just gets to torture Karkaroff. Psh. And to think she went to all that trouble. I mean, that is to say, what a delicious gift for a twisted death eater such as herself! :)

Ok ALL the LOLZ at this scene with Professor McGonagall!! Ahaha that is so funny! I can totally imagine it in my head too. At first you're all like What? And then you're all like AWW and then you're all like LOL. Fabulous work there.

Ok so now I'm all done. Gonna admit, I about had a heart attack at the end of the chapter when James thought he'd taken a hundred steps back. I was like NO, please see the above excerpt, James, and consult the Bachelor. You're doing FINE. But then Lily surprises everyone, she's so feisty!

Loved this chapter, the developments were great, always keeping the plot moving and entertaining. Wasn't bored for a second and I'm really glad that everyone is moderately happy, even Bellatrix. Though I do have to say I'm going to be very sad if there are no Jily feels on the trip to Wales because, hey, what else is a long Jily weekend good for? That stupid Alrek. Don't you find it funny how I adore Bellatrix and have nothing bad to say about the Dark Lord, but that Alrek is the worst person ever? There's something wrong with me.

ANYWAY Brilliant chapter, loved it so much, you're amazing as always and I look forward to the next installment!

Author's Response: Ashley!!! I was so excited to see you! Well, I'm still excited ♥ PS I've been thinking about making a podcast out of Casualties of War. I'll message you in a bit ♥

Oh god. I was laughing hysterically at your rewrite of yourself in this chapter, and I read this at five in the morning when I woke up. So basically I was laying in my bed laughing hysterically at five in the morning and I thought Ben was going to murder me. It would have been your fault too, just so you know. And his, but mostly yours. :P

HAHAHAHA. Oh Voldemort. Can you imagine how exciting that one finger brush over the arm must have been for her?? She's probably going to go home and tell her husband about it.. oh wait.. hmm.

JILY FEELS IN WALES? Well, there must be a reason that they're going too far past the 100 mile recommended apparation radius, because now they're going to take muggle transportation and they'll have to spend a whole night there...

but then with crazy people going after them, you never know ;). Maybe Lily will just offer Bellatrix a piece of cake and she'll stay for the wedding? Then she can torture Vernon, because who really needs that waist of air?

Ummm I love you and your reviews to tiny little pieces ♥

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Alright! I am here and I am ready and let's do this!!! :D

Wait, what? Someone killed James' owl? Wait, WHAT? Did that happen in the last chapter? *goes to check* LOL Whoops. I totally forgot about that. *ahem* ignore me.

Ok, I'm loving this strong Remus you have here. He is by far my favorite marauder, I adore him, and I like to see him get a little angry here. Of course he has every right to feel like he does, but he's so hot when he's mad, isn't he? isn't he? Well he is in my mind :P

Ugh you had to interrupt this cute little Jily thing happening here with some talk about that Alrek? I don't like him, he's like gross, why you gotsta ruin the moment with him? Going back to the whole Jily thing, I love their little exchange whenever they first see each other. It kind of makes me want to google what a...t word is, 'cause I don't actually know what that means. It's like that with a lot of british swears, as it should turn out. And speaking of which, I love that swears that can be pretty bad in the UK are basically harmless here. It's so fabulous. Except I can't mention any of them because I have to stay 12+. Sad panda.

Anyway, back on track. Oh James' owl isn't gonna die. I thought he was already dead. Ok, clearly I need to focus on the details here. Well, in any case, yay for alive owl.

Ok so I want to talk a little bit about a description that you used that really caught my eye. Specifically, Olivia's Arthritis, and how the pain could "seep" through even after she had used potions to shut it up. That was brilliant, and it's of course so totally true. I just kind of liked the thought of it, like that the pain was muted but still there. It was great! well done!

I love how McGonagall keeps emphasizing how much homework they have. "Yeah, ya crazy kids, keep ya hands off eachotha before ya end up on Teen Mom." She said it just like that too, in my head.

Oh Petunia, she really knows how to bridge a long absence with heartfelt sincerity doesn't she? She's getting married in Wales? That's fun :P LOL don't wear anything that clashes with your hair. Oh she is JUST a ball of sunshine. I guess Lily's wearing orange then, amirite?!

Ooooh they kissed oh la la! Jily feels all around! *ignores Jily feels.*

Ok so now I'm at the end of the chapter. Again, I have to commend you for writing a brilliantly realistic and plausible James/Lily story without a lot of the typical stereotypes. You've made your characters likeable and unlikeable, but like I've said again and again, most strikingly, you have made them real. And the fact that you continue to weave the story and progress the plotline this far without solely focusing on the romance portion, or the action portion, or the mystery, is just great. It advances evenly which is fabulous.

Of course, as much as I don't particularly care for reading this pairing I do very much enjoy reading your version of it. As I've said before I am a total fan of all things canon, and we know how canon this stupid pairing is so I guess I'll just have to go with it :P I won't say you've converted me but I will say you've made me more tolerant. That's all you're getting from me, you hear? That's it! No more! :P

Amazing chapter! So well done :)

Author's Response: Ashley!

Sorry for taking ages to respond :(. A killer cold got me.

Your reviews are always so much fun to read. This is why you get me addicted to them, because you make them funnn!

Remus is ABSOLUTELY hot when he's mad. All controly and Alpha and yum.

Hahaha I love learning new British swear words. And then it's so weird because they're not really swear words! But they are... and yeah. Brits. Coming up with non sweary swear words.

I'm really happy that you liked the description of Olivia and William's health. I wanted to make it clear that these people may be witches and wizards, but their bodies are still 80 year old bodies. Most 80 year olds would be bed ridden, so their doing a ton better than muggles, but that doesn't man their spring chickens.

Hahahah I'm imagining Lily in bright orange with orange eyeshadow looking like a human carrot. Petunia would LOVE that :P

DON'T IGNORE YOUR JILY FEELS. LET THEM OVERTAKE YOU.

I am totally going to make up with the amount of Jily feels that I made you endure this chapter with a nice little look into our favorite crazy villain next chapter. She's getting her nails nice and sharp just for you...and making her curls extra insane.

I WILL CONVERT YOU. I WILL. My new goal in life is to make you cry by the end of this. Yep. Mwahahaha ♥

I love you and your awesome reviews ♥



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Hello there, back again!

Ok, loving how this chapter starts with Astoria. I love her flippant attitude toward Harry and his whole family, that they simply "fix" dark wizards. love love.

Well I have to hand it to you, you did a fine job here with the women in the clothing store. I'm glad that you wrote it too because a lot of male writers shy away from this kind of thing but I think it made your story more real and interesting. I love that, as she hears the news, she just runs out the door with the dress on. Too funny, but also very scary, because I fear for her and Draco, both looking for each other! don't they know it's scary out there?! :P

I also really liked the way that you wrote Hermione figuring out what was going on and where she was. I know from having an experience of passing out that when I came to, the first thought I had is "is it morning already? I don't want to get up!" even though I'd been perfectly awake seconds earlier. (Don't worry about me, I'd given blood :P ) So I thought you did a really accurate depiction of what it feels like to kind of come out of unconsciousness and not just sleep.

Other things I really liked in this chapter: Astoria and Flint. What a dirty liar he is! I was freaking out the whole time, like oh no they have Draco, and then turns up to save the day! Well sort of, she was still scantily clad, but meh. This Flint sounds like a real jerk. I can see how he might harbor these thoughts about purebloods because clearly they were instilled in this entire generation from a young age. I don't think that their thoughts on life would have changed all that much from what they were when they were little, possibly becoming a little more tolerant but otherwise their core values will probably stay the same. But it seems like Flint got a little more twisted that the others did. I really dislike him but I think you've made a good job of singling him out as the villain so far.

The part with Harry and Draco I LOVED. I loved the little banter they had going on at the beginning where all they did was insult each other. And the thing is, it makes total sense. I don't think there's ever a time when the two of them could even remotely get along, except if their children or families respectively were involved. But I do love the way you have portrayed them here, that even despite the darkness and the misery that's beginning to happen, the two of them can't just bury their differences and get on with things. I really like the way that Harry extended an olive branch at the end, thanking Draco for doing the right thing, and Draco attributes it to Astoria. I feel like these characters have an interesting, yet realistic and canons relationship and you've done a great job portraying that.

One other thing, before I go, that I really liked, was the way you said that Ron was Harry's best mate but Hermione was Harry's best friend. I thought that was really sweet and also true. It didn't downplay their relationship but it didn't hint at any gross Harry Hermione ship either (which I hate hate hate hate lol). I thought it was simply put and probably a true assessment of their relationship.

Overall another excellent, mind boggling chapter. Everything is developing so smoothly, I'm jealous at the way things seem to be unfolding for you. I wish I could be that dedicated to detail. It's like you know what's coming up next. Gah I need to plan my stories better. Fabulous job!!

Author's Response: I guess I've sat here staring adoringly at this review for long enough, hmmnn? Time to respond.

I really liked the idea of Astoria trying to stay interested while Daphne pilfers through the entire stock of clothes in some fancy boutique. It seemed like a good contrast to what's about to happen. I try really hard not to shy away from including different sort of characters with different sort of perspectives. I even tried writing Tonks from a first person PoV in Surrender to the Night. I think my number one comment I get on that one is, "Wait, you're a guy???" I guess I'm doing something right.

I remember that groggy, confused, "everything is not right with the world" feeling from waking up after I had my wisdom teeth cut out. Granted, that was over 20 years ago, but that sort of thing never really leaves you.

Yep, Flint is a sleaze. As the old saying goes, nobody comes out of prison better than the way they went in. I imagine you'll come to like him even less as the story progresses, but rest easy knowing that he'll get his just desserts at some point.

I really enjoyed writing the conversation between Harry and Draco. I think of them as having reached a point in life where they're able to insult one another in a civil tone of voice, without the argument turning into a duel. I don't think they'll ever *like* one another. But they can agree on certain things, such as the importance of keeping their family safe.

You know, I've gotten widely varying reactions to the comment about Hermione being Harry's best friend. After everything that happened during the year they were on the run from Voldemort, I don't think I'll ever see it any other way. Harry may think of Ron as a brother and Ron will always be his go-to guy for talking Quidditch over a few beers, but Hermione was the one who never left his side. She was the one who was ready to follow him into the Forbidden Forest and die with him. That goes a little beyond the relationship he has with Ron, I think.

I'm pleased as can be that you're enjoying the story. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and I can't wait to hear from you again!

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Alright here I am for chapter 14, which I am pretty excited for since its my first real time chapter!! Whoo!

Ah, there's the tachycardia curse! hahaha. Medical authenticity, always close to my heart. lol heart, get it? Moving on...

Hahaha I love this whole bit with the guys in the back of class. The line about Alice and Frank was hilarious. I hate it when guys do that, they all have this secret little joke and then purposefully keep you out of it for their own stupid amusement. Laame. But I thought this was really well done, especially the way Remus kind of played along in almost an exasperated fashion. It really made me laugh, like he's just used to their antics. And then, classic James Potter. I could punch him straight in the face sometimes!

Interesting thoughts on the water egg here, I like the detail that you go into here, with the merpeople and the black lake and all. It's really great :) And the mechanism of action of the potion itself is really interesting as well. I always love hearing how the potions work, and this is a really interesting potion, and I like how you've incorporated a counteracting potion as well. Very interesting.

I could definitely see your Lily as being a healer. Or I guess Lily in general. Maybe the wizarding equivalent of a pharmacist given her penchant for potions. I don't know, but I also understand a lot of her concerns. After all, she is watching her whole world come apart in front of her.

D'awww Sirius and Belle working together, how adorbs are they? I love the bit about her not wanting to cut her nails and having difficulty doing things. As a PT I always have to keep my nails short, and one time I didn't and I left NAIL MARKS in a patient I was doing massage work on. I mean the patient was totally cool with it because she couldn't feel it and the stuff I did was pain relieving but I was still like...crap. :P

SEVERUS MENTION. Now back to your regularly scheduled review.

Ok reading this, since I'm awful at cooking, I can see that I would also be awful at potions. It's ok, I've come to accept that. But the way she describes it, it makes it seem like a thing of beauty, which is really great. Very poetic :) you can tell that she has a passion for it.

Wait, James DECLINES an invitation from Lily for a daty thing? What is he DOING?! Is he CRAZY?! I mean I get that the slug club is not the coolest thing ever but like...seriously? Quidditch stuff? Lame excuse. Like seriously, he's been waiting his entire life for those words to leave her lips. What a jerk. Serious dislike. I don't even care what it's for. Nothing excuses this. *crosses arms and pouts*

Ahhh I figured it was for Remus. Nope, don't care, still doesn't excuse it. *continues pouting.*

Ok so I've just finished the chapter. First of all, You SEE James? You see what happens when you do that to Lily? She asks creepy, Voldemorty Alrek instead. Ugh. So mad at him right now! don't even care if it was for his friends and their relationship, don't even care.

But it's so sad about his owl. And a letter from Petunia! What on earth could that be about! Cliffie! I can't wait to see what's next! Once again you've written a beautiful chapter and even though I'm mad at James (I don't know, maybe I just have it out for him today) I still really enjoyed it! I thought it was a great job and I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi. I yell at you for taking forever to respond now look at me... :P

Hahahah you wouldn't be awful at potions! Just don't tell Lily you're bad at cooking, she'll lecture you the same way Adrianna lectured her on needing to learn the art of simpler things and not ignore them just because she'll be able to fling a wand around. Which is now an in my head one shot.. hmmm.. your reviews clearly inspire me! Haha

Your pouting is my favoriteee. Hahaha. Poor James, he's going to be terrified of you and your crossed arm pouty glances by the end of this!

So, the entire part about Alrek is something I added very last minute.. like when I had this up on the page ready to post. I had him just refusing to go because of his friends and Dan wasn't thrilled with it, but it was the best i could get. THEN BAM! Alrek! Alrek is always there when things get sticky, so I figured he'd fit in well now :P

Ummm I love you and your reviews to tiny little pieces. Almost as much as I love my fictitious 100 dollar Sephora card :P ♥


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When I saw on HPFF that you had written a Severus/Lily, you knw I had to come over and see what this is about, seeing as this is my main ship :)

Second person, ambitious! I usually shy away from second person stories, but because you wrote it, I'm all for it. Let's do this!

Ok I've read it and of course my first reaction was Aw!! Love!!

Ok, so your second person here didn't put me off at all! I think it was very well done. I think that your portrayal of Snape's home life was probably very realistic to what he might have encountered. And the promises that Eileen made sound very similar to someone who is being abused. The whole...it will get better, he loves me, he won't do this forever, things will be ok, that same sick kind of train of thought is unfortunately the thing that makes people staying abused stay around. But I think it also nicely sets the scene for the man that Severus turned out to be. It was just very well executed. Even though it was horribly sad, it was real.

Then there's the scene with Lily, How adorable is that girl?! The way that Snape comes to trust her, what he sees in her that sets her apart from everything else he's ever known in his life. It's so innocent. I love your descriptions of her, almost as if her very presence is too shocking and...almost...completely too bright for him. Not bad but just different from the drab, dreary, frightening life that he normally lead.

And again, as with all Snape/Lily stories, it just makes me sad, because I know what good friends they end up becoming, and how horribly it ends, and how his life is in crumbled disrepair around her memory. It's just so bittersweet and sad, as all of their stories are. Of course, that's how you know that you've got a really good one :)

Absolutely magnificent job, I really loved your characterization and descriptions, and it's just another brilliant work from you!!

Author's Response: ASHLEY. I DID NOT WRITE A SEVERUS LILY. I WROTE A SEVERUS THAT INVOLVES LILY. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. Hahahah, just kidding.

I'm so happy you liked the second person! I'm kind of getting on a kick with that lately..

I think it's pretty easy to imagine that Severus must've come from an abusive household to end up the way he did. Craving power, control, bordering on obsession with the things he does love.. I'm so happy you think it's easy to connect this child to the man he becomes because... well, you know. Severus is terrifying to write. I knew I wouldn't be able to do adult him justice, so I'm happy that child Severus seems believable.

I'm so happy you picked up on the description of Lily! That's exactly what I wanted... her to be almost too much. Too much smiles, too bright of hair, too big and kind of eyes. Something he's not used to and I could hug you for picking up on that.

I'm so happy you liked this m'dear ♥ and thank you so much for the surprise review!

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Hi, I'm back!!

Well, first of all I'm so sorry at how long it has taken me to read this review. I promise you that I have been looking forward to the moment when I could continue reading this and now it's here!! YAY!

First of all, the redemption of Narcissa. I like the way that you described her before the war as being cold and such, and the way that she changed from being Lucius Malfoy's unfeeling wife, a black sister, to someone who truly cared about her family. I love Narcissa as a character so it was really sad to read his reaction to her passing but it also makes sense.

So this is my first criticism I think I've had at all as I've read through it all, and I guess I was surprised to see that wizards dug graves by hand. I would think that it would be considered such a muggle thing to do, although I could see symbolism in doing it by hand. But I was just thinking that Wizards, especially pureblood wizards.might think they were above taking the time to dig a grave by hand, and do it with magic instead. To me, I feel like they would turn their noses up at it, but that's just my thinking.

I also love the way you've written Draco here in the beginning, his surprise at seeing Flint and his stressing that he is done with this old way of life that he has moved on. Before that, the interactions with Astoria were very real, I love the Draco/Astoria ship.

I especially really liked the part about the things that Draco had done after the war. Especially the fact that while all his other friends from school were sitting around making far fetched alcohol fueled plans, he decided to court Astoria instead. I never really had considered what the rest of the children of the death eaters did after the war, but I thought this was a grim and gritty reality. Really fabulously done there.

Ok, and now back to Flint. What a jerkface. I don't like this and I don't like the way it is going! Which means of course that it was brilliantly written but THAT is beside the point. :P I feel like his breaking out of prison is going to lead to all kinds of hell and that makes me sad haha.

Ok so this whole deal with Hermione and Astoria I thought was awesome. They clearly have a healthy respect of one another but neither clearly likes the other. And I can understand why that might that way, I can't ever imagine a scenario where they would be thrilled to see one another, even though they share a grandchild. For example, I can't ever imagine my mother and my mother in law ever getting along. In fact, when my mom sees my mother in law in the grocery store, she turns and runs the other way. (i'm not even joking. It's hilarious). So, I think the fact that the two of them are getting along this well despite their history is pretty awesome.

And then we have this entire thing in the magical records. What have you done to Hermione! I demand to know! :P I liked the inclusion of Ernie MacMillion in here, and I thought the action and suspense was very well done. Especially the description of curses flying around. I was definitely on the edge of my seat, trying to hard not to read ahead to see what was going on (I succeeded by the way :) ) I could really feel Hermione kick into action, keep her head about her, and just go. I hope she's ok :(

What a great chapter! Excellent job! I'm only sorry I didn't get to it sooner and I'm looking forward to heading to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello, again! So nice to see you back.

This chapter marks the end of the "setup" and the beginning of the story in earnest. So I'm really, really glad that you enjoyed it. Quite a few things happen, all of them quite significant.

I really came to like Narcissa's character by the end of Deathly Hallows. She showed a willingness to try to do whatever was necessary to save her family after her idiot husband put them in so much danger with his terrible choices. So thinking about the choices she would have made after the war was over, I couldn't see her allowing Lucius to put them at any further risk. And he was so broken after the war compared to her, I imagine she didn't have much trouble keeping him under control. As far as the graves go, I believe that the idea of wizards digging them by hand is "fanon" as opposed to canon, but I've really come to like it. There is an element of humility and sacrifice to it that seemed really meaningful to me.

If you want to know how Draco came to be "reformed Draco", I'm struggling to finish that story right now with Detox. But I'm really glad the idea works for you. I can't get into the idea of him being either a completely white-washed story of redemption or an unrepentant villain. I don't think either is consistent with his characterization from the books.

If you don't like Flint now... well, wait a few chapters. I'm thinking you'll like him even less. ;)

Hermione and Astoria have what I'd term a "productively arms-length" relationship. They're never going to see eye to eye on most things. They don't even really like one another. But when it comes to their children and grandchildren they're both willing and able to put all of that aside and do whatever is best for them. I really, really hope you'll like Astoria by the end of the story. Along the way, she became one of my favorite minor characters.

Ha! You'll know what happened to Hermione very soon. I really, really like writing fight scenes, so I'm glad it worked well for you. There are several more between here and the end of the story.

Wow. Such an awesome review! Thank you so much, and Happy New Year!

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I am so sorry, I meant to review this ages ago, I READ it ages ago, but then with the site going down and everything, I didn't get a chance to review it so I'm going to now!

I loved this opening chapter that you have here! The first thing that I really loved was how cautious and careful he is, which is canon and true to his character, every word of it. The descriptions of the different charms and protective spells he uses to keep himself safe.

I really liked the description of his prosthetic leg and the reasons he had to remove it at night. That makes total medical sense, which is something that I like to see in stories. But I can also see why he wouldn't want to take it off at night. You can never be too careful :P

When the intruder trips the alarms, and he was at first just like meh because the muggles trip it all the time..that made me laugh a little bit. And I just thought it was brilliant the way he was running through scenarios in his head, the way he was was ready to take the offensive. You can tell that there are years of auror experience there, that even an intruder in his own home does little to truly ruffle his feathers. He is cool and confident that he has the one up on this person, and I thought that was just fabulous. Well done!

The fact that only a few people knew who he lived was a really interesting detail to include. I think it's way better than having a secret keeper, and it also alerts him that it had to be someone who had access to the ministry, which narrows down the pool of people that it could possibly be.

Again, in medical authenticity, the pain that he feels above his prosthetic leg, the problems that he is having. It must be so frustrating for him to be getting older, because he's always been at the front lines of trouble for the order, how obnoxious that pain must have been.

I love the tension that builds continuously through this as well, you're not sure what's going to happen, if he will apprehend the intruder or what, all the way up until the very end, with a cliffhanger of sorts. I really really enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell you!!

Ash

Author's Response: Haha- it's definitely not a problem! I'm just glad that you've left this lovely review!

I'm so glad that you liked the opening chapter for this story. It's really the beginning of the whole story (yes, that does sound rather silly but it's true!) and if it wasn't believable, then the whole story wouldn't work.

I'm glad that you think that Moody's canon. He certainly is a difficult characer to write, so it's a relief to know that you think he's in character. :) And I haven't had any medical training beyond the basic first aid so it's good to know that the medical aspect made sense.

Haha- he lives in a muggle neighbourhood because it's safer... But then the silly muggles get in his way. *sigh* Poor Moody. :P I'm glad that it seemed like he had years of Auror experience- I really strived to ensure that his work career was apparent.

Thanks once again for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter!

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Hi Julia!

Well I picked this one because I didn't know what the title meant, so I googled it. I spelled it wrong and it ended up being some kind of species of mammal...yeah I was like...that can't be it. So I googled the right word and came up with the right definition and I was like Ahhh that makes more sense for this story :P

Second person! Oh you know how I have a hard time with second person. If I ever had to pick a second person to read, I'm so glad it was this one! I LOVED it. The descriptions here were near your best, with the pink flowers and the way you portrayed Dominique in contrast to Victoire. I just loved the whole thing.

My favorite part was when it snapped back to present day and you realize that Fleur has dementia, and she's confused about what's going on. It can be hard to portray that by itself but in second person? That was a very risky thing to do, because of how hard it is to pull off, but you've nailed it here. The vague recollection, the doubting of her person. It was just great. And she still brought her the pink flower which was adorable and so sad at the same time. I also think you did a marvelous job with the confusion in this section. It was well done with the sensitive subject matter.

This piece was short and sweet but I really enjoyed it. Which is weird because, as I've said before I really don't like second person. What I want to know is, did you already have this title picked out or did you have to research a word or did you already know this word? I did not know this word. So not only did I learn a new word, but I got to read a great one shot!

Merry Christmas!! :)

Ash

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Oh Julia, I can already tell that I'm going to love this due to the description you have in the first paragraph. Love love love, and classic Julia. :)

Wait. This is straight up in third person. Holy crap on a stick.

Ok so I have just finished and I absolutely adored it. Maybe not the kind of warm and fuzzy fare that one might expect on Christmas eve, but it was a great story! So heart wrenching and painful.

First of all, I don't know how you can possibly say that you can't write action because this had a fair bit of action in it and it was masterfully done! The scene where you describe the werewolf attack is especially frightening, and I think the fact that it was done from Eliza's telling was great. She is a very interesting character, completely haunted and torn apart by what happened to her sister.

And while her sister seemed to live with it, to cope with what had happened to her, Eliza seems to fall into a weird PTSD kind of stupor that only continued to spiral further out of control.

But let me back up a bit because I think it's really interesting the way you've started this out. It's more of a quarrel, two sisters fighting a bit, already showing off this animosity which, despite the fact that they may have been friends other times, really kind of sets the tone for this story, that it might not have a happy ending.

And then, when they are at Hogwarts and Ellie has friends and such, and Eliza spins deeper into madness, I think you were excellent at capturing that descent into madness of Eliza's. I really also liked the way you mentioned that this was next gen, the way you casually were like, oh, potter and weasley clans, but you didn't dwell on it, you moved on. I really enjoyed that because it was a clever way to kind of tie the series to canon, rather than just a story with straight, unrelated OC's.

Finally that last bit, with the fall. How chilling you wrote it, with Ellie trying to reason like any normal human being would, and Eliza just completely past reason, everything so out of focus for her. I like how ambiguous the ending is too (despite the fact that it kind of HAD to be ambiguous as guided by the TOS). Part of me hopes that something ended up saving Ellie. You know, sometimes wizards can save themselves with bursts of magic and such, and even if that's not what you intended, that's what I've decided in my head, because it's Christmas and it's happier that way. Yes, so Ellie lives, and Eliza...well, she probably doesn't but whatevs.

Ah Julia this is such a great piece here, and so under reviewed. I wish I could just take your entire author page and put it on story seekers because you're such a brilliant author, you have an absolutely superb way of getting your characters across and making the reader empathize/sympathize or whatever. Even your third person is fabulous, and it absolutely is not bad at all (even though you always say that it is. It is NOT so shut up. :P ) You understand stand your characters so well, and it shows. You have such vivid descriptions and vibrant word choices it's just great. I loved it.

Merry Christmas Julia!

Ash

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Well I'm glad that it's not just me that sees that there is something amiss here! I'm glad I have James and Remus on my side, and I'm totally with Remus, I think there is something very weird about this girl. I dislike her entirely. Especially the way that she is trying to dig into his past, about his family and his brothers. What on earth is going on with this creepy girl!

I especially don't like that no one has seen her before and yet she's just hanging in with the school. I wonder if the administration knows anything about her, to be honest. It might be hard since classes haven't been going on but surely they've noticed that there's this extra girl? Although she does say in the last chapter that she has a class with them but I don't know if I believe her.

I don't believe anything she says!

Again, like I said in my last review I think you've done a great job building intrigue around her, and I think you've also made a great job of making her completely unlikable. Clearly Sirius is under her spell, but I think to everyone else there is an air of danger around her and you write that very well.

I think that the flow is good and it of course leaves me wanting more because I want to know what the heck is going on with this creepy purple eyed girl.

Marvelous job, and Merry Christmas!

Ash
Slytherin Secret Santa 2012

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ok before I ever read this chapter I have to say: your chapter image is so creepy :P I was just looking at something, not paying attention and then I was like WAIT. Did that CI just look at me?!

Ok so I've just finished the chapter and I've got to say, I do not like this annabel character. To me, it just sees like there is something off about her. She is creepy. Sirius is following her almost like a lost puppy dog, almost like he can't remember what he's supposed to be doing.

I like that you started the chapter off with a little bit of marauder issues over Lily because I feel like they are always so close in so many stories, and here you've given a little bit of drama between them over Lily. I find it very interesting that she took off after Sirius when she was in the hospital wing, and it makes me a little nervous as to what her intentions were.

All I know is that I don't like what's happening here and I just want to scream out to Sirius STOP IT. hahaha!

And these purple eyes, I don't know what to think about those haha.

Great second chapter, you're really building the mystery and the suspense well and it makes for a very exciting story! :)

Ashley

Slytherin Secret Santa

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I really like the way this story starts out with the description of the snow, and how great it was until he realized it was blood he was looking at. That was very cool, and I liked the way that you jumped right into the mystery/action of finding this person who was bleeding so severely everywhere.

I also liked the way that you didn't reveal right away that the narrator was Sirius. For some reason I thought that the narrator was a girl at first so it was a pleasant surprise to see that it was Sirius.

And this poor girl who seems to be bleeding horrible. She seems to have her head about her, which is good. I would think that if someone was chasing her and hurt her that badly that she might be a little more afraid, so that makes me wonder if there is something a little fishy about her to be honest. Especially since Sirius had never really noticed her before and it's not generally like Sirius not to notice a pretty girl :P

But she seemed to get back to the infirmary alright, and Sirius certainly seemed bewitched by her. But I'm definitely detecting something a little odd about this girl.

Great first chapter, love the descriptions of his fear as he is in the forest and I thought you could really feel his overall confusion throughout this chapter.

ash
Slytherin Secret Santa 2012

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Hello there, back for chapter two!

Ok so we've learned a little bit more about Khloe here. She can't speak, which is a really interesting development and something that i really haven't seen in a story before, so congratulations for that one :) She doesn't seem too pleased by Draco's presence and I don't blame her. I like that you've set it so that she's a year older than him, but he still has that familiar Malfoy attitude about him.

I like how Goyle asks "are you stupid" but seems mildly concerned about it. that seems like something he would totally do.

I think you have a very interesting story here and you've brought up two mysteries already- the one of her parents, and the reason that her voice is missing. I really like it. Just like last chapter, you've managed to make some great descriptions which flow well with the dialogue and you have kept Draco and his cronies in character which sometimes can be difficult to accomplish.

Well done :)

Ash
Slytherin Secret Santa 2012

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Hello there!

Well this is a very interesting and mysterious first chapter you have here! Your character of Khloe is very interesting, she seems kind of like a loner a little bit, especially given that she doesn't know who her roommates are after several years.

It seems as though she isn't entirely happy about living in the orphanage, so it makes sense that she wants to find out more about her parents, that's totally natural. It seems that this Mrs Blair is nice though and helped her grow up in a relatively good place despite the fact that she doesn't know much about her parents.

You have a lot of good descriptions here and I like the general style and flow of the piece. This is a great start to the story!!

Ash
Slytherin Secret Santa 2012

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