e! i love it. kenna is such a ... delicious character. i say delicious because that's all i could think of when you mentioned she wanted chocolate. although the bacon part is a bit odd, but she's prego and she can do those sorts of things. but i did have a conversation with one of my parents friends who claims that bacon goes with just about anything ... who knows hah.
anywho, i think the twinsies should be two girls because then oliver will be surrounded be females, except for smith. that would make things interesting because then oliver would feel like he needed smith to make up for the hormonal imbalance and then maybe they could be buddies like they used to be. but that's me rambling :PAuthor's Response: She IS sort of delicious, now that you mention it. And yes, chocolate-covered bacon is weird, but my brother assures me that it's an actual food.
Hahahahaha. Oliver with a family full of girls. He might just die. And you're right, Smith would probably take pity on him, but ultimately, he's too much like Kenna. So he'd revel in Oliver's situation.
I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Awww, love this chapter, fighting and all. I still like the fact that Kenna hasn't really come to terms with being pregnant because I don't think a character like her really would just jump for joy and yell 'Hurray Oliver, I am pushing your spawn out of me!'
And I love Smith and him being all nervous and such. I want to pinch his cheeks and sigh haha.
CarlyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much!! I'm glad you do like it, because it's a hard aspect of her character to write. At this point, she's resigned to the idea that she's going to push his spawn out of her, but it scares the crap out of her. And she really doesn't like being pregnant because it makes her feel like crap.
Haha, glad you enjoyed that bit. I'm rather fond of Smith myself. ;)
Again, glad you enjoyed it, and thanks so uch for reviewing! Report Review
ahhh, i freaking love this story! well, i loved the last story too but this one ... i don't know if i prefer having it in oliver's pov, but it makes for a very funny, interesting story! the way you write ... wow, i'm blown away! can't wait for the next chapter!!
carlyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it! To be honest, I don't prefer writing in Oliver's POV, or in Kenna's. I like them both equally well for different reasons. But I'm glad you liked it so far. Thanks a bunch for reviewing! Report Review
Ah, you updated! This is my favorite Remus/OC story by far! God, I love the way that you write Remus, so perfect. I can't wait for you to keep going with this story, I want to see what happens when he tells her about his little furry problem!!
CarlyAuthor's Response: Lol. He tells her? *cough* Just kidding.
I have that all planned out. It's going to be really exciting, I hope. I'm eager to get it down. Report Review
I absolutely ADORE this story. You're such a good writer with the first person comments by Lacey and the sexual tension between her and Davies :)
I always have a shameless plug in every one of the chapters of my Oliver/OC fic and for chapter 12, I recommended this story!
carly Report Review
Oh my god, this is brilliant!
I love the concept; I've always wanted to do something like it but I've never had the chance to in my stories. The setting is great too - Hermione's little notes at the end were so funny/cute!
Silly offspring *rolls eyes*
I'll be sure to make this a shameless plug in my next chapter (the next one is getting validated, but the one after that). Please make another installment! I'd be happy to read it.
CarlyAuthor's Response: GAHHH!
Coming from you that was huge!!
:D Report Review
Ooo, the plot thickens!
Good work, like always. I forgot to comment on the way you write the characters speaking! When paired with the glorious descriptions you give, I feel like I'm back in their time period. Keep up the good work - I'm going to add this to my favorite story list!
CarlyAuthor's Response: Yayy thank you! :D I'm thrilled and honored to be added to your favorites, I'm happy that you like the story so far! Well it's been a rough road with the dialogue, since I'm usually writing when I'm around other people and I forget to stay in that 1920's British mindset. But I've been doing my best to keep it as genuine as possible, so you won't see anything like: "Hey Merope, what's shakin?" Tom asked. just kidding but you know I mean! :D Thanks for your review! Report Review
Now I'm not going to jump to conclusions here, but I always thought that Bethe was a witch - is she a seer as well? Well I suppose they are one in the same, but you know what I mean ...
I find it a bit odd that Merope is learning to read so quickly. You wrote that she had only had two lessons. Later, you said that Bethe had been teaching her for six weeks. Two lessons in six weeks and she's already reading classic lit? It's a romantic touch to have her reading Romeo and Juliet, but I don't think it's really plausible ...
CarlyAuthor's Response: Yep she learned very quickly! You're not the only one who found it implausible (is that a word? haha), but I think that Merope is a capable and intelligent witch whose powers/education were quashed out by years of abuse. With support and a little friendship, she is getting out of the house more and finding an escape through books that allows her to get out of her horrible life temporarily. She basically throws herself into this reading and finds that she has a natural (VERY natural) aptitude for it.
Thanks for your opinion on that, hun! :) Report Review
This just keeps getting better and better! I can't say anything negative about this chapter - it's nice to see Merope from another person's point of view. As always, your description is spot on :)
CarlyAuthor's Response: Thanks dear! I like to switch it up a little bit in the POV arena. It helps me flesh out more characters and juggle multiple storylines at once, instead of dealing with just Merope. After all, I like to think the story didn't revolve around her and that other characters had roles to play in the outcome of her story. So grateful that you like it! :) Report Review
I've never read a Tom/Merope fic (partly because I've never seen one before), but this one has really caught my interest! I love your description in the beginning - I really felt like I was there on that 'delicious summer afternoon'. The adjectives you use are so descriptive; you don't go into large paragraphs of detail and yet I still know what the setting is.
Also, I really felt Merope's longing to be accepted by Tom and her family. You wrote her feelings perfectly!
CarlyAuthor's Response: Hey Carly! Well thanks for stopping by to try it out :D I've seen only a few Merope stories here and there, there aren't that many! It's fun to write about an area of HP that not many people explore or expand in-depth. Thanks for the compliments on my descriptions! I'm glad they weren't too flowery for you lol ... :) Too much detail is never good, so I try to use it sparingly. So glad you liked Merope's characterization too. Yay! :) :) Report Review
Hmm, well I haven't read the one shot that apparently was the prequel, so that could be the reason why I don't really understand some stuff ...
Are they both Heads? You mentioned that Ajax was Head Boy and when both characters went into a room, I wasn't sure if it was just one of their common rooms or the Head room.
Also, I don't think a guy would actually come out and say that to girl he likes. Or if he does, I think he'd explain it more - like saying something along the lines of "I made fun of you at first and then I realized that I really liked you. You seemed to hate me all the time and I figured making fun of you would be the only way to really get to talk to you" or something. I just don't think he'd kiss her out of the blue like that.
Otherwise, I think it's a fun story. The quidditch game was very creative!
CarlyAuthor's Response: :D Yeah, I kinda don't explain in this story. They are the Heads of the year before Lily and James, and it is the Head Dorm. *don't judge me*
That was awkward to write, and it seems to be awkward to read. Maybe I'll have him explain more in the next chapter... ;)
~ Caroline Report Review
"The smoke looked like ghosts dancing eerily above their heads, appearing and disappearing in the pale light."
That is by far the coolest line of the story. I completely adore it. Also, I like the way you described the 'muggle wars' that Sirius never had heard of before. Can't wait for the next chapter! 10/10
CarlyAuthor's Response: Thank you!!!
I was thinking at that period and had recently read some books that talked a bit about terrorism in britain in the 70s and I thought i could put it in. Yeah, Sirius is a bit stunned by the notion...
I already written chapter 5, my beta's got it, I'll put it on as soon as I have it back... unluckly school is really soffocating in this period, so it may takes a while.
:) Report Review
Hmm, this is getting more interesting by the chapter! Sirius with a muggle band, expirencing his first concert. Way cool :)
CarlyAuthor's Response: :D He's completly trapped in a "I-don't-know-what's-happening" situation and completly stunned. I think Sirius never went to a concert before, with the family he's got: they look like more the classical music types, and suddenly he finds himself surronded by sweaty people jumping at that "noise" rythm! And the point is he totally loves it!
I find it a pretty amusing situation! Report Review
Hah, Sirius definately wouldn't know what a guitar is. Yet, I think a band would be the perfect group to run into for him. I always have seen him as this semi-punk kid with his long black hair. Off to the next chapter!
CarlyAuthor's Response: Yeah, he's really on the rebel side, got the right attitude and everything! Report Review
Wow. That first paragraph was so captivating!
As for the rest of the chapter, it was amazing as well. I laughed at the part when he kicked the policeman in the shins. You totally captured Sirius' mind set, I thought.
CarlyAuthor's Response: Thank you!!! It means a lot to me!
I think Sirius is a character with two facades, the impulsive and reskless one and the deep and troubled one, mostly due to his family situation. He's my favourite char, but it's not exactly simple to picture him... So thanks again for the review and the complimet!! Report Review
"There was only one way to reply to that, and as Remus kissed her passionately in the middle of the Quidditch stands Peter Pettigrew sighed and slumped in his seat, managing to look both bored and dispassionately disgusted all at once."
YES, YES, YES!!!
That's all I can say. 10/10!
CarlyAuthor's Response: :)
I love the image of Peter being all like 'ughh, I'm here to see Quidditch...seriously.'
I love all of your reviews! They were just what I needed to motivate me to write my chapter 17! yay! Report Review
"They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. The second step is accepting that only a power greater than yourself can cure you. That’s where Remus’s rehabilitation hit a snag- he didn’t want a cure. He quite liked his addiction, thank you."
Some people may find the whole switching back and forth of point of view annoying, but I loved it! Seriously, I can't say more then that about this chapter. You've got skillz, girl! Loads and loads of writing skillz that I want to posess!!!
CarlyAuthor's Response: Yeah, I really felt that they both needed to have their thoughts put into this chapter, and that seemed like the most efficient way to achieve that. I did consider, briefly, writing it twice from both perspectives...but that would just have been weird, right?
I also had a lot of fun writing the tension and teasing between the pair of them. It was rather amusing, in truth.
And what are you talking about, you have loads of skills! Stop being ridiculous. Report Review
"She broke. Remus, please, you know how wizarding children are raised,' she pleaded. 'Werewolves,…they’re supposed to be vagrants, criminals, cold-hearted murderers. They’re not supposed to be the quiet bookish boy you’ve taken classes with for six years. Please, Remus, please understand. She bit her lip, 'Please, please don’t hate me for this.'"
You want to know why I adore this quote? Because it's different. In all those Remus romance stories, the girl accepts him being a werewolf because they love him. Everything is all happy, full of fluffy bunnies and smiles. But you know, I don't think everyone would react that way. Jan sure doesn't. And Jesus Christ, the way you wrote in those short choppy sentences just increased the mood. Brilliant!
Kudos. This is tied for my favorite chapter of the story.
CarlyAuthor's Response: YES, this is my favorite aspect of the story as well! Most characters aren't like that. Some are, however, and some circumstances are right for that kind of acceptance. But here, however, that is in no way realistic. Here it is hard to deal with, it is repulsive, disgusting, freakish, horrible.
Yay! I'm so glad you like it! Report Review
"And she had had dreams with Remus. Sure, they were ridiculous and far-fetched, and she hadn’t really even meant half of them, but they were nice day dreams, the day dreams of stupid silly eighteen year olds with new found loves. Dreams of dressing tiny kids in winter coats, dreams of planting flowers in the yard of cottage in the country, dreams of watching a roaring fire with him as they grew old. They were nice dreams."
Before I rant on about Snape, I am going to say that I adore this quote. I would totally have those dreams too if I loved Remus/if he was actually real.
Ok, so now I can chew out Snape and the whole situation. Honestly, I don't think that Snape would tell/show Jan Remus' secret. From what I gathered in the books, he isn't that type of person. Sure, he may want to kill any/all of the Marauders for teasing him, but he wouldn't go as far as he did in this chapter. He has some sort of respect, especially for Remus. I get the idea from POA that he hates Sirus more then Remus. And come on, who honestly hates Remus that much?
However, it's your story. You do what you want with it :)
CarlyAuthor's Response: Yeah, you've pointed out another of the myriad problems of this story. I was kind of lax on keeping my characters real when I planned the whole thing, and that...sucked. Very bad of me. Only thing is, I can't really go back and fix it without altering SO MUCH. And it had always been the plan to have Snape tell her. Because I honestly don't know how else she would have found out. Jan isn't a crazy air-head, but she would never have caught on on her own, at least, not after he'd broken it off and she wasn't around him to figure out that his mother isn't sick. And Remus, well, I highly doubt he would have ever told her. He has such self doubt about it, I don't think he ever wanted her to know. And the only other people who knew were Pete, James, Sirius, and Snape. Pete, James and Sirius are his friends and wouldn't betray his trust that way. So that left Snape. Yeah, so, that was how it was. I'm not entirely happy with it, but in my mind Snape is nasty and mean enough to think of doing it, and young people don't have the best judgment. I suppose I could have included Remus doing something to piss Snape off, and then Snape would get into a blind fit of rage and show Jan then...but I didn't. And I'd rather finish up than go back and add that.
Thanks for calling me on stuff like that, though, it's nice to get real feedback! I'm sure I'll improve in the future. :) Report Review
"On the bright side, her Friend Count needed updating!"
Aww, cute. Things are finally turning around for Jan! Well, Remus is still being a problem, but I'm sure you'll fix that, won't you? (In other words, you better!)
I know you have a new banner already, but if you'd like them, I could make some chapter images for you! It's a present for you becoming a trusted author!!! Just send me the pictures (or just say who you want as Sirius, Remus, etc. I know Jan is Anja, right? Or am I wrong ...) and I'll make them!
CarlyAuthor's Response: I did fix it, right?!
I tried VERY HARD to make this chapter brighter and happier after all that angst...so I'm glad it's cute!
And I will go CRAZZZYY if you make me chapter images!!! AHH!!! I love you! Yes, Anja Rubik is Jan, Sirius, on the banner, is Milo Ventimiglia, and Remus on the banner is Hayden Christiansen. If you want to put anyone else on the banner or something, that's fine. If you have an account on either The Dark Arts or the HPFF boards, i'm brokentrain on both if you want to discuss it more. LOVEEEEEEE! Report Review
"Coffee. Coffee was nice. Coffee didn’t charm you. Coffee didn’t kiss you and romance you. Coffee didn’t tell you that you never meant anything to it. Coffee didn’t break your heart and kick you in the stomach. Coffee was nice. Jan liked coffee."
God, that is totally true. After a break up, all you can think about it random things and relate them back to how awful you feel. Your writing is amazing. You always make me have to chose between a couple quotes that I love!
But Sirius! Finally, he acted on his feelings and then he got rejected. Well it serves him right if he'd always known she was Moony's girl. I can't really be mad at him though, because she WAS single.
Keep up the good work!
CarlyAuthor's Response: I felt that Sirius wouldn't be able to keep himself from doing it. You know how he is, impulsive and strong-willed. I think he knew it wouldn't go well, but he did it anyway because he wanted to so badly, and because love-like emotions have a way of convincing me to hope against hope, you know? When you feel like that, you can convince yourself of anything, you can believe in anything, and Sirius did. Report Review
"Naps were nice. Naps didn’t ask you hard questions about your personality and prior actions. Naps didn’t question your sense of self. Naps didn’t shake you."
Ah jeez. Stupid boys!
This review is short, I know, but I'm itching to get to the Ball chapter! I want to see if Sirius is going to try and pull something! 10/10
CarlyAuthor's Response: Damn, now I really want a nap. If you look closely, you can totally see College Student Propaganda in these chapters. Naps, hating Studying, making out in inappropriate places...okay, so some of that comes later in the story, but whatever. Report Review
"Remus sat rooted to the spot for a few seconds, smiling to himself before he did something very un-Remus-like and danced backwards out of the room in a hip shimmying, butt shaking series of steps with his arms upraised. "
Oh my god. That image made me snort so hard that my Vitamin Water went up my nose. Somehow, I just thought of him doing something like the Village people would do in concert (not that I've ever seen them in concert, but my friend wouldn't stop playing 'In the Navy' in the car today), wagging their hips and having their arms in the air.
God, I adore this story.
CarlyAuthor's Response: Vitamin Water!! Ah! I am addicted to the white one. My friend (the amazing queenspuppet) calls it Vicodin Water, and she's totally right.
When I wrote it, I thought of him doing the dance that Hugh Grant does in Love, Actually. You know, in his socks, with that song on, before the maid or whoever catches him? Yeah...I love it. So not who Remus is in this story, but he was rather excited, so I let him go for it. Report Review
"‘s like I committed the cardinal sin of secondary school and now I’m being offered up to the gods on a sacrificial alter with the inscription ‘Thou must not experiment with thy appearance lest it look ridic.’, ugh."
I noticed that in a couple of those long paragraphs, you have the tendency to write run-on sentences. Otherwise, I find the chapter quite fantastic - the story as well. This is definately going on my favorite story list and I haven't even caught up to the last chapter yet! The way you write (in the words of our favorite redhead of the Golden Trio) is bloody brilliant! The tension between Remus and Sirius, the normalness of Jan, the tiny things that seem to make a difference - all of it really impresses me.
CarlyAuthor's Response: Yeah, I run-on. A lot. And I write awful sentence fragments. And I know it and don't try to fix it!
That's what I like about this being my story, I am going to write it with whatever sentence structure I like and there are no Rhetoric teachers around to hit me on the nose for it.
That said, you're probably right, and there are run-ons where there aren't excuses for run-ons (i.e. dialogue, thoughts, etc.). I admit it, I'm bad. :(
Thank you for noticing the tiny things! As an author, I always feel like I put things in that no one ever notices, and it makes me feel all warm and cozy inside thinking that they actually are appreciated.
ps- have I told you lately that you leaving me 16 WONDERFUL reviews makes me kind of rockstar? I mean, daamn! Report Review
I've decided that in my reviews, I am going to put my favorite quote of the chapter!
"They spend 6 years separating us and dividing us, ‘eat with these guys, sleep with these guys, share your common room with these guys’…but now we’ve got to be bloody best mates? Screw inter-house cooperation. Bureaucratic nitwits."
Hah, that's so true!
So Remus and Sirius, duking it out for the currently friendless Hufflepuff. I can't wait for the next chapter!
CarlyAuthor's Response: Yay! Favorite Quotes!
Aw, I forgot I wrote that, haha! I think it took me the better part of 5 minutes to work out the spelling of bureaucratic- and that's with Word's little spell-check tool, too!
I absolutely love the tension between Remus and Sirius in this and the next chapter, so thank you for pointing it out. It's one of my favorite things in the story. Report Review
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