Reading Reviews From Member: toomanycurls
767 Reviews Found

Review #1, by toomanycurlsThe Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship: i. the plan [or] five nerds face a life of hedonism

2nd March 2015:
I'm *finally* giving this a proper read. I'm on my phone so I probably won't stop every chapter. I've never heard of a legit internship where someone has to pay. Training, sure, but people do work in an internship and are usually paid (or they're not but they typically don't pay for the pleasure of going grunt work). Love the intro and how you're writing everyone

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Review #2, by toomanycurls12 Hours: 12 Hours [or] There Are People Who Would Cause You Harm And Those Who Seek Your Undoing, But Before You Condemn Those Pitiful Souls, Be Sure Of What They're Pursuing

25th February 2015:

I'm pretty intrigued that this story started off as a joke -that makes me quite excited to see how it goes. You should know that I got quite the laugh at albus ship-naming Scoprius and Lysander. I know we do it on the forums but it's funnier to see characters do it.

Having the second and third scene kind of book-end each other is pretty neat. Though, the 11 PM part sounds as if they've left one party and plan to have a night full of more adventures. Oh to be young like that. I'm quite interested in the Helmholtz Literary Association and what they'll do there. I liked what you said about copies (or reads) not having anything to do with quality.

What what wha- he's sending for Aurors? That Helmholtz Literary Association must have been quite wild... And I'm a bit curious about the quotes around literary associates.

Well, at least Lysander has the heebee geebees. I really like continuity between this and your other Scorpius/Lysander story. :D

Is it a maze, or a trap?!?! Curious minds need to know. They're clearly in a fight mode here but I'm anxious to see what brought it on. I really love the way you do action here - it's not overcomplicated but a lot still happens.

Ooh, so Al goes missing. Hrm.

And they found him by 8. I'm going to reorder this and read it :P I love the discombobulated style as it adds to the mystery of the story. I laughed so hard at "What is the functional purpose of that?" - Albus could be in software development.

Part of me wants to visit this madhouse. I'd probably die in there and never get out but it sounds so interesting (I also enjoyed the Winchester Mystery House so I might just like these weird things).

omgomgomg - I did *not* expect it to be her holding them hostage. I applaud the well-timed punch.

This was great - it's such a break from your usual style and I love it. Hats off to you for always stretching yourself and doing awesome things when you do.


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Review #3, by toomanycurlsUgly Eloise: Chapter 1

20th February 2015:
Hi Kaitlin,

I love the ugly swan story you have here. At first Eloise reminded me a bit of Moaning Myrtle as she felt outcast, ridiculed by Slytherin, and quite lonely. At first I thought Justin was just being kind to her but I'm glad this was a surprise with him truly interested in her.

Pansy was quite horrible to Eloise, I'd love to know why she set her sights on a quiet Hufflepuff. It was very surprising that Draco and Millicent were caught snogging - I've never seen them paired together.

Justin and Eloise's scene in their common room was adorable. I like that she has some point of pride in her life. I was happy that Eloise started to see the best in herself towards the end but it would be nice to see that come from herself instead of Justin's approval. I'd be interested to read more about her and how the new found confidence changes her relationships.


Author's Response: Hi Rose,

Thank you for your review! This was really a challenge for me because fluff is absolutely not my normal genre. I liked the idea of ugly swans as well and Eloise is set up nicely for a transformation of sorts. I agree that ideally her transformation would come from within, but I've found in life that often times people can't see the best in themselves.

Pansy was horrible to Eloise. As for why she did it, I think it was just simply because Eloise was the first person Pansy spotted who she knew wouldn't fight back.

Draco and Millicent was an interesting one. To me, it would seem that Millicent is just a passing fling, but who knows. Maybe I'll have to explore that one in a story. :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this! I appreciate the feedback. And good luck on the Valentine's Challenge!


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Review #4, by toomanycurlsI Will Make You...: Moonlight

17th February 2015:

I'm here for the BvB. I really enjoyed the view into Ron and Hermione's relationship you've taken here. I mean, I always thought Ron was a bit of a pig in HBP iwth the way he went after Lavender and ignored/hurt Hermione. It's so touching to think of he intentionally set aside his own emotions for Hermione so they could better help Harry. I know Hermione is the one who obliviated him but Ron seemed to agree it was the right thing to do. Also, you've made Hermione such a selfless person in this as well. They're nearly a year out from their adventures with Harry in DH but Hermione is looking ahead and sees this collision point between love for Ron and duty to Harry.

Ah, I love this alternative take on their start then stop with feelings. It's so sad that they put their own feelings on hold for the greater good but it shows they put just as much on hold as Harry did with regards to personal relationships.

Very interesting story!


Author's Response: Hello Rose,
thank you for reviewing! Well, I think both Ron and Hermione understood that if they didn't help Harry, they never really stood a chance and there would be no "them" ever :) Glad you enjoyed the story!

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Review #5, by toomanycurls(500) Days of August: Many Things

13th February 2015:

I'm so glad you posted a swap for this. I agree
with you that (500) Days of Summer had a very
creepy feel with they way Summer was treated by
Tom - the whole entitled relationship/romance
thing really got to me. While you did take out
the misogynistic bits with Fred, you got
through the whole 'entitled to this
relationship' part down really well.

Part of me doesn't feel bad for Fred when
August leaves him. I mean, at no point did they
have that kind of relationship. If I have any
fault for August, it's that he let their
relationship carry on when it was clear that
Fred's feelings went deeper. I mean, I just get
so frustrated with these relationships where
they go into them knowing that they don't want
the same thing but go on and then feelings get
more hurt than they needed to. GAH, THIS IS WHY

One of the sadder parts (that doesn't just make
me angry) is when August does find love. I
mean, Fred thought August was the one but that
August just didn't believe in that idea.
Nothing is harder than learning that it just
wasn't the right relationship for love. I feel
like you ended this on a nicer note than the
movie ended. There's more of an amicable ending
than the bitter one from the film.


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Review #6, by toomanycurlsActions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

9th February 2015:
Beth -

this chapter = amazeballs. I was leaning over, on the edge of my seat, trying to jump into the words. how do you do it!??!

Right-O: I could tell last chapter that Scorpius was quite tender and caring towards Rose. Now I know for sure that there's so much there between them (that at least one of them feels). When he had his flashback I never expected it to go like it did. I was thinking there would be a break up and we'd learn why he had her shirt but no - it was so much more than that.

I love the idea of Scorpius escaping to the Potter's for a bit of normality. Draco seems quite upset by that but I didn't catch if Harry was as well. I really like how you've written about Draco - it's quite believable. I'm glad that Scorpius is (rather was *glare*) closer to Astoria. I'm so sad that Scorpius left his father with such an ugly argument between them. Not that it happened but that it was their last interaction.

The idea that Scorpius is befriending the annoying Mason just to spite his father cracked me up. I am surprised that Scorpius didn't do more slip ups playing soccer with Mason. I suppose Mason being dull helped a bit with any that happeend.

Never in a hundred years did I expect Scorpius to walk ino that. Him not being able to refer to Astoria's body as being her really struck me. It's a very powerful feeling to see one's parent dead and not wanting to associate that form with their living self.

I've always thought you were more of a nice, kind author because I've been so involved with Hurricane Luna and your one-shots but this chapter alerted me to the fact that you're just as mean as the rest of us on here. :P I'm so scared you're going to rip my heart out in this story. o.O

-rose (bvb)

Author's Response: Rose!

This review is amazeballs! Scorpius had a pretty sad back story here - and now we can see why he's been so troubled. It's not just that he harbors feelings for Rose, he needs her just as much as she needs him.

He's carried the guilt from how he stormed out of his parents' house forever.

Haha - I guess I'm not so nice? That comment made me laugh out loud. I just *might* have some more mean things planned for this story...

Thanks so much for this super, fantastic, awesome review!

♥ Beth

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Review #7, by toomanycurlsLove. Lies. Monopoly.: The Party Upstairs

9th February 2015:

It was kind of funny that when I clicked on your story my first thought was "that looks like a banner that Joey has" and then I read on to see it's a parody of his story.

This was quite hilarious for me to read. My husband and I get pretty competitive with board games and if we had enough space would have a board game room. There were so many points that made me giggle that I would have to copy/paste hte whole chapter to point them all out. 19 minutes of silent staring was hilarious. Part of me thinks it was funny because of how you wrote it but the other reason is that I do that with my husband also. O.o were you really writing my typical Saturday night?

The touch of destiny with Lysander and the fedora really got the superstitious gamer attitude down. I've had games go like monopoly game - minus the magical components like a magical goblin baker.

I love this! You should spoof more stories. :D


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Review #8, by toomanycurlsActions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

7th February 2015:
Hi Beth!!

I always have plenty of chapters of this to R&R so I'm good for a long time.

After the first chapter, I'm not surprised that Rose is uneasy about being at a party. We haven't seen much of Albus and Selenia but their fondness for each other is cute (which really isn't connected to the rest of this paragraph). I think I said this previously, but Rose's coping techniques are really well done. Distraction and refocusing is something I can relate to.

Scorpius and Rose are interesting together. I get the feeling that neither really care to be at the party. He almost makes James seem a bit, uh, unethical with how he recruits for his party. Calling the girls a supply for the quidditch players was kind of sketch but I'm torn as to if that is James' perspective or Scorpius'.

Rose's observation of Dom paints an interesting picture. I love that Dom is outgoing and flirtatious and not just looking to settle down with the first cute guy she meets. It's also funny that Rose makes fun of her to Scorpius. Then they turn to Fred - it does seem like he's gotten around (a lot). Them making fun of Dom and Wolfie had me giggling too. I can have a kind of mean sense of humor (well, I have the sense of humor they were using) so I got a good laugh from them.

I don't know who the guy is harrassing Rose but he's getting the evil eye from me. With Rose's anxiety being out around people and this guy being all hands. This is all so dramatic and unexpected! I love that Dom was so aggressive with the intruder guy.

I get the feeling that Scorpius rather likes Rose based on the way he treats her after the attack. They're quite sweet together. I kind of groaned when everyone barged in. They have such tenderness and shyness between them. This chapter really reminded me why I should read this more!


Author's Response: Hey there Rose!

Eeep! I'm so glad you came back to this story. It is the one that I've worked the hardest on.

James is a *tiny* bit of a misogynist, but his heart is in the right place when it comes to his family. In fact, ALL the Weasleys and Potters aren't about to put up with this dude at the party. But, you've got James's number. He's a playa.

Haha - it's my own weird sense of humor too!

Yes - Scorpius *does* rather like Rose. Oof - I just realized how creepy that sounded. It isn't creepy at all. They are both really into each other, but they just haven't been able to get out of their own way to see it yet. Yeah. It wouldn't be a Weasley gathering if there wasn't some barging in - haha!

OMG! I would love to know what you think about this story! It's my baby.

Thanks for the review swap!

♥ Beth

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Review #9, by toomanycurlsThe New Creative Arts Department: that time when i started a newspaper

6th February 2015:

(and Lisa because you're reading this also)

There couldn't be a pair of people on this site that I'm more excited to see do a collab together. So, thank you.

It's cool that the school is adding a creative arts department but what I like more is that it gives Rose a clear path to her desired career. I feel that nepotism and chance will still have a hand in her odds of getting a job but she will at least have definable skill and experience.

Making Teddy a teacher gives me such feels (because Remus was a teacher and now Teddy is a teacher and obvs he'll be wonderful at it). Teddy's little intro idea was cute and I'm kind of really glad you skipped over people and didn't do a line for each of them. Teddy's line about hoping to remember some of them was hysterical and kind of cynical for a new prof. but I loved it.

I like that Rose and Scorpius start off with a neutral relationship. So many ScoRos stories start them off as polar opposites or some sort of enemies. I'm also excited that Scorpius is trans just because I haven't read many stories that include a trans character.

The discussion about how undefined their class was cracked me up. I'm glad Rose was able to give the perspective of it being a last minute assignment, rather than letting Teddy seem a bit flaky for not planning. The way the class challenged him on his qualifications was great too - they're definitely a bold group.

Idle chatter with classmates is always kind of awkward for me and I'm glad you captured some of that here. At least Landon and Percival seemed to have a clunky conversation (not the way it's written, well, gah - because they're awkward). Anyway, I loved that. It's fascinating to think of a class being full at Hogwarts - especially one of the academic ones. Tatum and Simone's conversation was something that made me pause. Tatum's comment about them being in the arts department so it being okay to be out pulled me in two or more direction. The first was that it doesnt' matter where they are, Simone shouldn't be outed if she's not ready. Then I was torn about whether Tatum meant that people in the arts tended to be accepting and positive for queer folks or that everyone would be queer themselves. While it could be a "you're in a safe place" message, it felt more like a taunt to me.

Rose's inspiration for a school newspaper is great. I love that boring quidditch gossip spurred her to want to be a source for that kind of news. I think the idea will at least make the creative arts department seem more useful as there is a measurable output they're creating.

Great chapter. I can't wait to read the next one!


Author's Response: Hi Rose!

I'm so glad that you're excited to see Lisa and I do a collab together, we're pretty excited too :D

It was definitely cool to have that 'aha' moment of like, of course Rose is there because it'll help her write for the Prophet. That was pretty much the initial thing that shaped her character, in fact. (Lisa's idea, if I recall correctly)

Teacher!Teddy gives me life. That's it, that's what keeps me alive.

I didn't want to introduce everyone that way because it quickly would have gotten boring :P Teddy is super honest about possibly not keeping track of things in this chapter and that's kind of for comedic effect and kind of totally how someone like him would react to all of a sudden being Responsible For Things.

Rose and Scorpius are definitely not enemies here, but probably wouldn't call each other friends either. I agree that it's interesting to see them start from neutral. (I think you have a blog post about this somewhere)

I've read very few stories with trans characters and even less featuring them as main characters, so Scorpius being trans really is awesome. I'm excited to write about him! (although indirectly, as he's not one of my POV characters)

I wanted it to be clear that it wasn't all Teddy's fault for being unprepared. But, still, I totally didn't want him to be ready for any of this.

I'm really glad you realized how kind of off base Tatum's comments where. That conversation was actually pulled pretty directly from a real life one I had. A (gay) friend of mine from a few years ago was very, very indiscreet about my orientation and when confronted about it, refused to see the big deal because he was out and saw no reason I shouldn't be.

Realizing that this is an unfortunately common mindset, I decided that Tatum would totally be someone who's kind of like that. But, yeah, it was definitely meant to be a character flaw of hers. It was certainly a condescending taunt, but also a 'you're in a safe place' message in part. (very, very deep down)

The newspaper does make the CAD seem that much more useful by Ministry standards and, of course, that was all part of Rose's plan. She's a real schemer, that one. Thank you for the awesome review!

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Review #10, by toomanycurlsAn inky black heart.: The ebony vessel.

6th February 2015:
I need to know how you did it - characterized Snape so well in 500 words. I could write 5,000 words about him and not get it as well.

Snape's flood of emotions through this is so rich and full of confusing contradictions. Love was kind of an anti-emotion for Snape. He didn't associate anything positive with it as your descriptions talk about black ink, an obsidian obelisk, and being crippled/blinded. I feel as if this was a turning point for him where the idea of love hit him and caused a sort of panic. That definitely comes across in the chapter.

As he's sorting out want, need, and lust, it's as if he's trying to decompose love into baser terms.

I loved reading Snape going right over the edge with jealousy. The imagery you use with the words stabbing him, causing scars were perfectly vivid. Where most people see love as a healing power, it is descructive for Snape. That's so very fitting and very, very tragic as well.

I'm also not a fan of Snily but I like the way you served them up. It's unrequited, it's damaging, and most of all, destructive.


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Review #11, by toomanycurlsA white, white world.: A gurgle of clarity.

5th February 2015:

You made me cry and smile in this. You've packed this with such strong feels that it's impossible not to feel something after reading it. Alice's fixation on words throughout the narrative was very powerful as it showed her incoherant thought and how they must have echoed through her mind.

What I found incredibly sad that they didn't try to explain to her what happened (and that they weren't nice). I've found that so many caregivers are quite callous when it comes to a longterm patient (or when they treat the same issues all the time).

Alice's impressions of Frank were so sweet and incredibly sad. I love that she still got a spartk of joy from Frank's smiles and gurgles. That also breaks my heart - that they're unsure about why they have that spark towards each other and that neither of them are capable of expression beyond gurgling and moaning. Alice's memories of Neville were also quite heartbreaking. Part of me is glad that she doesn't remember the concept of mother or child because that would be too sad. I liked that they were talking to Alice about Neville even if she didn't quite have a concept for who he is.

Christmas was another very bittersweet moment you captured. I like how it set up their Christmas visits - one of which we saw in OotP. My optimistic side wants to think that Neville remained a thought that reverberated through Alice's head throughout time.

This is a lovely piece!


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Review #12, by toomanycurlsPride and Scorpius: Well met on the Hogwarts Express

4th February 2015:
Hi Andrew!!

I'm here for the BvB - and finally reviewing your story.

It was a bit mean of James to boot Albus and Rose out of his compartment but that does remind me of Ron having to find his own seat away from his brothers on the train. I felt bad that Scorpius was sitting alone as you've made it out to not be by choice. Starting Hogwarts off with such a toxic family reputation would be very harsh indeed.

One way in which you capture Jane Austen's style is with your descriptions, especially where we get our first glimpse of Scorpius. It feels very reminiscent of how characters are introduced in her books but also in a way that fits in with your own style.

The introduction and conversation between Rose, Albus, and Scorpius holds quite a bit of information and backstory which adds so much color to the chapter. If we are to believe Albus, the idea that he didn't grow up hearing about the Malfoys or Draco says so much about Harry's ability to forgive and move on. Whereas Rose having heard Malfoy as a malidiction growing up highlights Ron's inability to do so. I was sad to read that the most Ron and Hermione got to financially was 'well enough' as I thought they'd do quite well for themselves.

I'm torn between Albus and Scorpius' friendship being sweet and cute - but either way I quite enjoy how you've written Albus. Their discussion on sorting left me curious about where they will all end up. I hope that Scorpius isn't judged by all to be just another Malfoy as it's clear that he is not the same as his father, though Rose will likely go on thinking of him as not a good person for a while.

Quite an intriguing story you have laid out here. I'll be back as time permits.


Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review.

You have validated so many of my stories and I just checked that yes you originally were responsible for letting this one through - thanks again. We have talked in the past and you have said you have wanted to review my story - isn't this BvB stuff great for giving one the impetus to review.

It wasn't meant to be too mean because the compartment was full - Fred at least had to sit on the floor. He was cheekily mean. But you are quite correct it was meant to reflect the same sort of thing happening to Ron and Harry back in the day.

Scorpius sitting alone is sort of by choice and sort of not. He is so worried about his 'toxic family reputation' that he would far rather be alone then to be hassled and reviled. By the time that Albus and Rose find him, he has sunk pretty low and has almost resigned himself to - 'this is how it's going to be, I'm going to be alone and unloved for the rest of my schooling.'

A lot of the necessarcay description that you find in my work is down to the prompting of my wonderful beta LoonyLovegood67890. Extraneous, unnecessary detail, on the other hand, is all mine. Someone else though helped me with my first chapter and I found I hadn't given adequate reason for Rose's dislike of Scorpius. He is just so different from every other boy she's ever known (most of whom are Weasleys or Potters or Scamanders), but thank you for the wonderful comparison. I read Pride and Prejudice so often and my style of writing I am afraid is a bit too formal for this day and age but that's just the way I write. So my modeling this upon the shell of P&P was just a natural fit for me.

I really wanted it to reflect as much upon his father as Albus himself - that his dad has truly forgiven and forgotten. Albus has heard the name of Draco before, but mentioned by his dad in the same way he mentioned any old friends from school who he doesn't see often. Ron has forgiven him, definitely - he even does so by the end of the books as he saves Draco's life twice - but I believe he would be the sort who wouldn't exactly forget. Malfoy is a malediction in Ron's household, but it is a gentle one and not done with any hatred aforethought.

They have done well for themselves, well enough, but they spend it. They go on overseas holidays, and visit the grand parents in Australia, and own their own house, but they are not rich like the Potters. For reasons that I will go into in my other story, Harry is quite well off, but Ron doesn't have what Harry does (two houses, a vault full of gold and eventually a wife with a rich and lucrative Quidditch carrer). Ron and Hermione are rich in life and life experiences and their children have never really wanted for anything. I reckon that Hermione would be a bit of a saver, and they might have a fair bit put aside for a rainy day - they might have more money than an eleven year-old would know of or see.

Thank you I wanted their friendship to be sweet and cute. It is going to be far more 'girly' than the one between the actual girls - Rose and the friend she meets in the next chapter. I'm writing Rose very mannish and the girl she meets in the next chapter isn't your typical girl either. Their relationship is going to be far more masculine in some ways than the one between the two soft and caring boys is going to be.

Their sorting, I have something planned for it which will influence the entire rest of the story.

We shall have to see how Scorpius is treated, by one person at least it is going to be well. Rose doesn't exactly think of him as a bad person. It's just that he gets under her skin and annoys her; his responses and demeanor and language rub her up the wrong way and she is too young and naive at eleven to realise what her reactions to him really is.

Thank you again, I'm glad I have intrigued you.

As of this response my story has 490 reads and this chapter has 175 - thank you all.

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Review #13, by toomanycurlsFanged Revolution: Chapter the Third

4th February 2015:

I'm stopping by for BvB and because this story has become addicting.

Ick, I'm not surprised to see a Malfoy so hateful towards part-humans but it's still very nasty to read about. That does fall inline with what we know about the family though. It's a bit scary how Malfoy is able to manipulate the news and, by extension, public opinion. I doubt many wizarding families get news from alternative sources but this makes me wish there was some sort of Quibbler to give them a heads up about the real news. It's also interestin that he feels a bit of regret about pushing Osbert into passing the laws he did.

The wizarding legal system is quite interesting in this story. I can't imagine an official just being able to pass a law without oversight or a vote. Even if it's just the Minister who can do that, it's a lot of power for one person to have (especially when they are easily swayed).

Hunting vampires will likely lead to a full-out war. This should be good. *gets popcorn*

Rackharrow seems like an interesting vampire. The idea of throwing away his humanity - itentionally becoming a vampire - is exceptionally interesting. I feel so bad for him being hunted and killed. Rackharrow didn't really seem to be in full control of himself either. :-/

It's even worse that they joked about it.

The ending with Nightstalker and Haworth has me on edge!!


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Review #14, by toomanycurlsFanged Revolution: Chapter the Second

3rd February 2015:
Hello my dear!!

I'm here for the BvB.

This chapter is amazing! I could feel the power and the anger that drove policy in those days. I loved the backstory about the Minister killing a werewolf his daughter dated and then having Malfoy clean it up - ugh, that's so dirty of them but I can see personal life impact policy more often than not. It was also a sneaky way for Malfoy to get in with the future minister.

I also thought the idea of a 'good, well raised' girl being in such a place as Knockturn alley was very fitting for this time period. I imagine it was somewhere edgy and interesting for her to go though the dangers there were real. Though, I am proud that the Minister didn't let where she was found dead diminish the weight of her death on him.

Nightstalker's scene in the bar is greatly interesting and well done. I love that he's pushed to the point of action and ownership of his mistake. I think I'm now kind of engrossed in this story. This is bound to be interesting and I am really excited to see where your skilled writing takes it.


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Review #15, by toomanycurlsChaos Theory: i. the introduction

2nd February 2015:

I'm so sorry at being slow for getting this in - My day kind of got away from me.

Coming of age stories always fascinate me. That's such a tumultuous time in life and it's such a relief to read about it being a struggle for witches and wizards as well. Molly sounds like a handful and then some. I would not like to have a sibling who managed to brag as much as she seems to. Though, I do see quite the similarity in personality to Percy at that age. I can't help but agree with Lucy about grades and privacy - even in a world as relaxed as the wizarding world, I would think they would pay attention to protecting personal information (and that Molly could get in trouble for viewing her sister's scores).

I have to agree with Lucy about exams not being the end all when it comes to assessing one's intelligence or potential. Molly has to brag a lot if Kit has heard her NEWT grades that much. Also, it would be frustrating to not have the subject you're good at to be seen as worthwhile to family.

Not sure why this fascinates me so much, but I adore the idea of wizards driving about. I love the idea of them all meeting up and going out together - there's something very youthful about it which I like.

So, wait, I am confused about Lucy's age here. I thought people got NEWTs at the end of the 7th year. I love the idea of them being in business to sell muggle items at Hogwarts. Their analysis seems quite thorough which makes me smile. Nox is a nifty business name. ^_^ I would miss that kind of venture myself if it had to end.

You've done a great job showing the group of friends and how they work as a team (close to family). I really like the chapter title scheme too - it kind of reminds me of the Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship (I think) with the funky format and giving two ideas for the chapter contnet.

It'll be interseting to see how the story takes shape in coming chapters!


Author's Response: Hi, no worries! My apologies for such a late response, too.

Coming-of-age just happens to be one of my favourite genres, which is why I'm looking forward to writing this so much. There's going to be buckets and buckets of character development and questioning of morals I honestly caN'T WAIT! Molly is a main feature in this development and will be a great focus much later on, too. Hopefully Lucy and Molly can work it out by the end of the story but that's still up for debate :p

Interestingly, although you took the comment of "divination. doesn't count" to be a view translated from her parents, it's actually one of the masses rather than something more personal. I understand the misconception and it will be cleared up later in, but Lucy actually isn't all that fond of divination herself -- she only took the subject because it was stupidly easy and she knew she could make things up as she went along and still get a good grade. Astronomy is her true passion, but sometimes the things we're best at aren't necessarily what we enjoy to do the most.

The car is such a cute little thing. It wasn't really an important thing to include but I wanted to showcase how invested into the Muggle subculture Lucy is, so much so that she owns and drives a car with ease.

I can see why the age thing may be confusing. Here, I'm beginning with a different educational system (although SPOILER it is going to revert back to a system more familiar and reminiscent of the way Harry and co got their grades). If you're familiar with the English education system, Sixth/Seventh Year exams as Lucy knows them are similar to the separate qualifications of AS levels (Entry NEWTs) and A levels (Full NEWTs) in England. Lucy and co also do coursework now too and rather than just the one exam at the end of Seventh Year they do REAL exams at the end of Sixth Year AND Seventh Year -- it's broken down into multiple units so there's less to cover and remember each year. Hm, I don't know if I'm explaining this very well, but it is going to be covered in the 2nd and 3rd chapter where I will hopefully do a better job of explaining what I mean :p

I'm glad I translated the closeness of the five okay :D that's something I'm scared I'm going to lose as the cast for this story is fairly large. I really want to show them as being tight knit though; they are the very best of friends.

And, oooh yes the titles are similar to TFWMS -- I hope Lisa doesn't mind! I did mean to put the [or] part in the chapter summary instead, though, but yes overall I decided to have a sort of two-chapter scheme going on (partly inspired by TFWMS) because I wanted to show the contrast between normalised titles and a more exposed, raw thing reflective of Lucy's mind.

Thank you so much for the exchange and I'm glad you enjoyed!

- Jess, xo

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Review #16, by toomanycurlsTurning Page: Ashes

1st February 2015:

I'm here for BvB. Let me say first off that you are a remarkable writer. I saw your note that this is your fanfic but it does not read like the first time you've written anything. Your flow and diction are incredible and you crafted a topnotch view of Draco that is both realistic and emotive.

One thing I appreciate that you're taking time to show here in Draco's post-war depression and anxiety. You've written his depression in a way that doesn't try to sugar coat what he's going through. It's very real and difficult for him. I also like that it is something that magic can't cure - just that there aren't shortcuts for witches and wizards when it comes to their mental health. Draco's addiction to the Calming Draught is very telling regarding the extent and severity of his struggle.

Another aspect of your writing that is remarkable is the descriptions you've used in the story. This chapter had a very rich sense of place and perception that I don't often find in chapters. Great job balancing between description and action as too much of either can make a chapter dry.

Touching on the fear of Azkaban and life for Draco after the war is rather interesting. It is reasonable that he would fear Azkaban and his father's experience there would make it even more chilling. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to return to Hogwarts for his 7th year. It's interesting that Blaise and Draco became friends (at least they tolerate each other). I'm glad that Draco has a job after Hogwarts. Most post-Hogwarts fics don't have him working at all.

The repitition of the "Shoulders back, head up. Look past everyone else. Donít give anything away." is brilliant. I love how it gives such insight into his state of mind and need to keep up his apperance as a put together person who is not struggling with daily life. His rush to St. Mungo's is my favorite part of the chapter. I feel as if this may have happened before or he was able to take care of it at home.

Astoria - I love how she is here. I don't think Draco expected to be recognized, perhaps he's given a false name in the past. Astoria's care for him (even if it is just as a patient) is endearing. I like that she sees past his words and into the problem.

I'm looking forward to more of this!


Author's Response: Oh wow! Thank you so much! I'm so happy Draco's characterization is realistic, I worry about how he comes across the most.

As far as mental illness goes, I want to do it justice. I have anxiety issues myself so I guess I put a lot of my own experience into what happens to Draco in this chapter (although thankfully, my issues are not as extreme as his). I just couldn't see him going back to who he was pre-war after everything that happened. Yeah I thought a lot about how mental illness would possibly be treated in the Wizarding world and I plan on exploring that more in future chapters.

Oh that's great! To be honest I find it difficult to describe settings in particular, it's something I'm trying to improve on, so it's awesome to know there's a good balance between both aspects.

Ah I'm so happy that came across! I reckon he would see conveying his struggle as conveying weakness. I also think keeping up appearances would be even more important to him than ever before because he feels that he needs to bring some respect back to the family name again.

It means so much to me that you love Astoria. I've had such a clear idea of who she is for so long now and I love writing about her so its awesome to hear she's good to read about too!

Thanks so much for the awesome review! It means a lot! :)

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Review #17, by toomanycurlsA Time of Heartache and Healing: Failure

1st February 2015:

I can't believe I've been so remiss in reviewing this. I'm sorry. :( :(

Now that I've read this I'm amazed at the beautiful way you can break my heart with such a trying time for Molly. You weave through her grief with such agony and grace. I wouldn't have imagined Molly mired in such grief until reading this but you made it so realistic.

In a way, this level of grief and blame makes sense with Molly's protectiveness of all her children. Losing one had to feel like death itself for her. You write immense grief in a very believable way. Clearly Molly has her thoughts befuddled by grief but she's looking at two impossible facts: the loss of her son and her role as protector of the family. My heart can't take it!!!

Arthur's appearance and Molly's reaction just broke me. Of course she's not in her right mind but it's so hurtful to see her recoil from her loving husband. I hope to see her start on the long road towards recovery/normal life after this.

I love this so much - thank you!


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Review #18, by toomanycurlsThe Story of Nicolae: The Imperial Redhorn

1st February 2015:

I get a laugh each time Asha calls Charlie, Charles. It's kind of cute that he's too shy to correct her at the moment.

Abel's speech was a bit intimidating but I imagine that is 100% intentional. Their program is serious business and he'd want them to be on their toes. It is interesting what he said about English being required - Given what you mentioned to me about Romanian, language will be interesting in future chapters. Not being able to go home very often will likely be difficult for Charlie (I mean, I know from the books that he doesn't go home much at all). Also, I love that Director Diaz has a Spanish accent.

Charlie's nerves were really well put during the mentor/trainee assignment. His youth comes across really well in this chapter, especially with the surrealism of not going back to Hogwarts in the fall. The way Charlie talked about his siblings made my heart melt a little. Asha's teasing with the books was hilarious. I think Charlie was just a bit on edge in general then seeing books fly at him would be a tad unnerving.

okay - let's talk quidditch. o.O I love how Charlie tries to be modest about his quidditch skill. I imagine it is a point of pride for him to be so skilled but also the knowledge that he could have worked at being pro. You did a great job with them playing quidditch. Sead... well, wow. I was surprised by his actions and I'm interested to see how he'll be in future chapters (especially if he sees Charlie as a threat).

Love this!! Can't wait for next week. :D


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Review #19, by toomanycurlsPerfectly Pansy: A Proper Pureblood Witch

31st January 2015:

Pansy isn't a character I've connected with very well either but I love how you pulled her together. Your repetition of p words gave this a sort of rhythm - in my head it was almost some sort of free-style poem or rap. there's also a great sense of repeated actions and motions on her part where everything is just a formality to Pansy.

You showed her drive for perfect in a very interesting way. she was almost manic about being the prim and proper pureblood. You definitely got across that she's the queen bee in her group of Slytherin girls and that it's quite a bit of work to be (and stay) there. The letter she got from home also had a really good cadence to it (loved the pish posh bit). It's easy to imagine her mother in the same mold, living up to impossible expectations and pushing those same ideals down on her daughter.

I like that Pansy's parents would care about her grades. While it wouldn't be fun to get letters about them not being up to par, at times I felt some of the pureblood students are portrayed as going to Hogwarts for a Mrs. degree.

Pansy's relationship with Draco is fascinating to me. she adores him and is much more tolerant of his dismissive treatment than I can quite comprehend but you make that even understandable. Any attention from him is a feather in her cap. I was the most interested by their bit of kissing - he sees her as an escape from the present and to Pansy, Draco is her future. For the first time, I feel bad that they were not married.

I really loved this and the style you wrote it with.



Author's Response: Hi there Rose!

This story means a lot to me, because it was the first thing that I wrote that pushed me in terms of my writing comfort zone. I had already written my novel and had never even considered doing anything else. Then I joined the forums and the wheels started turning. Admittedly, I haven't gone back to clean this up, but I'm kind of torn between the fact that it is a big part of my growth as a writer.

As I mentioned in my A/N, I really, really did not want to write Pansy, but in the end, I was glad that I pushed myself with this one.

Thanks again for this super sweet review!

♥ Beth

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Review #20, by toomanycurlsTo Prevent An Unfortunate Series of Events : This is your mission, if you should choose to accept it.

31st January 2015:
Hello, hello!!

I'm all out of chapters on your other story so I came by here instead. I really like time travel stories - there are a lot of them (or were at one point) but they are fun to read each time. I admire that you're able to have two very different time travel stories in the air and that you're able to maintain their uniqueness. All of my stories go together in some sense because I can't keep those lines in my head where headcanon starts and ends for a certain story.

Dumbledore being alive in this is a nice change - I like how he talked her into the trip and gave Hermione a bit of time to work into the idea. He must have used some rather powerful magic to have the time turner transport Hermione to a different time and place! That's pretty exciting. It was also cool to see Hermione's ability to come up with a new idenity on the spot. I am curious though - he says to help save Lily and James soon so she's not back in time for too long. How will she return to the future? I did not think the time turners could travel forward.

It is nice that Hermione is found by James and Sirius right away. I like how different Hermione reacts to Sirius in this compared to your other story. She's quite taken with both him (and Remus) on first sight. Sirius and James do seem like a pair of goobers. Really endearing but kind of goofy too. Ha, poor Peter is a bit of a lump on the log. Good thing Hermione managed to meet him without killing him. :)

I wonder how many other weird incidents like Hermione going back in time Dumbldore had to deal with in his life. I mean, he doesn't really bat an eyelash at her showing up with a letter from future him. It makes me wonder, that's for sure.

I'm sure that I'm quite taken with Sirius right now. His description of other girls as bimbos kind of irks me but I'll wait to see how he pans out in future chapters.


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Review #21, by toomanycurlsSaving Severus Snape : 2nd September 1976 - Part 2

30th January 2015:

I see this is the last chapter you have up. Write more. :P

I can't blame Hermione for feeling overwhelmed at this point - it's such a change to be back in time and she has such a difficult task in front of her. Your commentary on Sirius maturing while in Azkaban is quite interesting. I tend to think he stopped maturing in Azkaban though he grew more somber.

Hermione's advice in potions was indeed interesting. I wonder how many of the HBP suggestions she'll come up with? I was also a bit surprised that Slughorn didn't mention Lily as the other top student, as he raved about her at least to Harry. Slughorn also seemed a bit patronising which fits well with his character. I don't really like him and you've captured all the reasons why I don't like him.

You make the Ravenclaw CR sound really amazing. I wish I could have gone to school there. I appreciate that they're not just all nerds but that school is a focus for them. I also wonder about the little teaser you put in about Lockhart and Skeeter putting on a show - are they pretending to be into each other for social gain?

Remus is perfect in this. I love that he not only apologizes for Sirius but is so used to it that it's second nature for him. I hope he and Hermione can be friends. I thought the hallway scene with James and Sirius finding Remus was adorable. I wonder if they were using the map (though I doubt they'd whip it out to fact-check what remus was saying). Ooh, and, I totally ship Amelia/Remus now. Thanks. :D

The realization hermione has at the end is interesting. I wonder if she'll be less worried about her impact on the future as her going back has and will keep changing stuff. I feel like her experience with Sirius in PoA would have been enough to understand that. Anyway, excited for more!


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Review #22, by toomanycurlsThe Man With the Twisted Face: Prologue

30th January 2015:
This is one of the few stories I've read about Antonin Dolohov - I'm so excited to see how you write him.

One - love the way you've mingled geopolitical events in the wizarding world with Antonin's birth and early childhood. You paint a very clear picture about what it meant to be a pureblood and believe in the Cause. I love that it was something even children bought into with their playtime antics and learned rhetoric.

Two - the vibe you get across with Antonin's birth does have the feeling of such magnitude that I can't blame his parents for expecting big things out of their son. It felt like the intro to Lion King without the song.

Three - Making Antonin not enthusiastic about the Cause was genius. I mean, he seems so reasonable about the whole wanting to making judgements in his own time, should know a muggle before judging them, etc. I hate to think what the family was planning for him - that sounded potentially quite dark. eee! Such an interesting note to leave the chapter on.

Let me know when you update!


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Review #23, by toomanycurlsThe Story of Nicolae: The Sahara Goldenwing

26th January 2015:

I lost the rhythm there, I know.

You made Charlie so cool and someone that I instantly like. He's all nervous but eager and he said his name was Charles (hysterical). You did a great job showing what someone would feel nervous about on their first day at dragon school. I love Charlie's goodnature and the way he makes friends pretty easy.

The apparating dragon is awesome. please make more dragon types with cool abilities.

I like Asha - I can't wait to see more of her.


I would probably also want to run away from a cabin wtih four other girls. o.o no way. Bette sounds kind of awesome.

Ha, i'm not surprised that solitude was hard to come by for Charlie. That many siblings and classmates would drive me mad.

Andy also seems like a fun person. I like that she gave Charlie a hard time and doesn't seem to take people's crap (and that she wants to play him at quidditch). Can they be bffs?!



Author's Response: YAAAY FIRST REVIEW! Lots of loving you is happening.

Charlie is a sweetheart. He was very nearly sorted into Hufflepuff. I'm really glad that you like him!

Yes don't worry lots of dragons. SPREADSHEETS OF DRAGONS. Although I will warn you that they tend to get more "normal" rather than more fantastic. And smaller.

I'M ALSO REALLY GLAD THAT YOU LIKE ANDY. Spoiler: she gets a major plot-arch that will start in the next chapter. I will warn you that there will be times that you might not like her too much. But... that's probably true for pretty much everyone... I really love that you got that impression from her, though.


This Friday there won't be an update, because this chapter was supposed to be this Friday, and I already have all of the chapter's file's labeled with their posting date and I don't want to have to go rename all of them.



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Review #24, by toomanycurlsLiberty: Albus

26th January 2015:

Thank you for doing a review swap! I like what I've seen of Liberty so far. Her metamorphmagus changes are adorable and of course her cat needs to be hugged. I'm not positive if you mean James or Albus when you refer to Potter. I suppose this would be Albus (I'm just really crappy at keeping next gen stuff straight). Oh yes, definitely Albus - that came through in the descriptions. Having a super large cat would be annoying but probably not devasating.

Yay!! Invisiblity cloak fun is always a nice distraction. I kind of wish I had more info about their chat with former headmasters - that sounds quite intresting. Haha, I love the idea of Rose turning them in! It seems like the kind of thing cousins might do to get at each other.

Very interesting start! I'll be excited to see where this goes. :)


Author's Response: Hi, Rose!

No problem! I love Lib too--and yes that's Al :D No, it's not devastating. I probably wouldn't cry. Maybe yell at Al. But Liberty was just scared and she's over dramatic at best.

Yes! It is always a nice distraction. Honestly, I had the Headmaster scene written, but I really didn't like it. So I skipped it and just had them talking about it. Yes, Rose turning them in was a cousin thing to do.



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Review #25, by toomanycurlsSeven--Four--One--Nine--Eight--Two (Am I a Good Man?): Chapter 1

26th January 2015:
I love this - it's quite complex and gives a very different view of Mr. Crouch. I feel as if you've captured a side of Crouch reminissant of the man we saw wander onto the Hogwarts grounds in GoF. I imagine that the idea of his son, put in jail at his own orders, turning 20 in prison would be unnerving. I'm sure things have been a bit uncomfortable between Barty and his wife since sending their son to jail...

The way you laid out Mrs. Crouch's illness and the terminal diagnosis makes me feel as if that might have been a catalyst for him looking to get involved with death eaters (At least it read like it happened before his son was sent away). I got a haunted house chill while reading this or like his son's wand is the tell tale heart, driving him mad.

Crouch's memories of the wand his son used was quite interesting. It makes me think he had quite a bit of magical study to know about wandlore and to notice the evolution of the wand's power. I felt so bad for him as he contemplated the type of magic Barty Jr did with his wand. :(

The scene with Crouch and Crouch was chilling. I don't know if I agree with Barty Jr blaming his father entirely for what he became, I mean, there were choices on his end that carved his path. I saw from your story for Dee that you're a Doctor Who fan, I think you captured the mannerisms from the film strikingly well.

By far, my favorite part was Winky's conversation with Mr. Crouch. He's so wounded that he's searching for consolation in his servant. I can see why everything going on his life would throw that question into play - 'am I a good man?' so powerful. The voice he's fighting agains had to be hell. Such deep pain and discord he's working through.

I've never read a story that focused on Crouch Sr. before but I think you wrote about him masterfully.

Thank you so much for a review swap


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