Reading Reviews From Member: toomanycurls
802 Reviews Found

Review #1, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Broken Bonds

17th September 2015:
This is a slight carry over from a comment I made on a previous chapter about Hugo calling a relationship with Loriette incest - but - if he genuinely felt that it was incest he wouldn't change his mind overnight and accept his feelings for her (or if he did it would be very, very creepy).

I felt bad that no one listened to Arthur's call but his way of getting them to listen/come was amusing. :) That sounded like a long ways to walk, I hope there was stuff to see on the way. It does seem a bit inconsistent for Hugo to be as oblivious as Ron but then pick up on Molly's tone/look when she talks about Harry spending time with Ron and Hermione.

The Harry and Ron discussion and then fight was one of the most enjoyable scenes of this story so far from a characterization and plot development perspective. It's nice to see Ron's issues and motivations although, I feel some of his hurt feelings and pent up anger would have come up at some point before now. It was a lot to hold in and not express or let taint his relationships with other people. He has such a chip on his shoulder that I feel would have been resolved effectively by talking about this stuff 5-10 years previously. I mostly feel bad for him having internalized so much bitter feeling and hatred. It's nice to see Harry defend Hermione but it's another area where I feel that two best friends would have leveled on Ron's feelings about Hermione before now. Having Hermione cast a protego charm between them feels a bit too reminiscant of Deathly Hallows (from a plot/action perspective) but it's probably for the best that she stepped in. It also feels a bit too DH-like to have Ron run off after a fight but I'm sure it'll result in something interesting come future chapters.

Hugo's POV section in the end was one of the better done sections for him in quite a while. He went past just being a sarcastic, bitter kid and felt like he gave more depth to the narration than his negative feelings and viewpoints on his family. Audrey seemed quite annoying but everyone probably has an annoying aunt. I didn't quite get what pushed Hugo to fight with Louis over Loriette liking one more than the other. It's a bit more machismo than I'd expect to see from Hugo. I feel bad that Loriette doesn't like him in the same way (or perhaps that she's beguiled by Louis' 1/4 veela heritage) but he's so aggressively angry with Louis that it doesn't seem like anything good will come from it. At least I can't see Loriette being impressed by the violence he shows or thinking that angry outburts are a winning characteristic.

The dementer attack had a nice bit of action to it. From the books, I was under the impression that only the patronus charm could make them go away or have any impact on them. Either way, the action was nicely done. Hugo seems quite well practiced using magic in a hostile situation, more so than I'd expect at his age and assuming he hasn't gone through what his dad and uncle did in school.

I did expect Hugo to live through a bad memory, even if he was using magic to fight off the dementers, before he faded to black. I guess there was the Louis/Loriette moment he saw before fighting them.

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Review #2, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: The Dementor Attack

17th September 2015:
I really enjoyed Louis' POV - the narrative was very well paced, included a nice amount of descriptions, and didn't feel rushed. I was a bit worried that Hugo would find out his cousin also likes Loriette but Louis seems much more at ease talking to Loriette at least. It's hard to tell Loriette's opinion on the two guys but she seemed content to spend time with Louis. I'm quite curious what Loriette was going to say before Hugo interrupted - maybe that she didn't think they should kiss, maybe something else?

Louis' impression of Hugo, being oblivious about relationships - just like his dad, felt a bit forced. Calling a family-like person (who is clearly not seen as family) incest doesn't come across very well. Even if she "feels like family" it's very awkward for them to refer to it as incest, especially if that feeling is just in Hugo's mind (which Louis later says). It's also a bit clunky to have Louis say Hugo has the emotional range of a teaspoon - it's a very specific phrase used in the book's to describe Ron so it doesn't seem natural (linguistically) for Hugo's cousin to use that exact phrase to describe him. It crosses the line between paying homage to JKR and just replicating her phrases.

Molly's dementor experience was interesting. Her sorting doesn't seem like it'd be the most emotionally traumatic moment but you do give enough detail that I can understand why it was upsetting. I was a bit confused that the memory was a mix of first and third person retelling (at least it doesn't follow that Molly would have the details of conversations happening at the tables while she was being sorted). It would flow better to keep the narrativefor the memory first person like the rest of the chapter/section. It was strange that Molly was the only one to feel the dementor - even if she was hte only one attacked, usually a dementor will cause people to feel unpleasant and other magical people should have been able to see it. I didn't get the impression that Molly was entirely alone through the ordeal either.

It was nice to see that Harry and Ginny have a happy relationship but his section felt stunted in terms of length and narrative signifigance. It's nice to see he's going to confront Ron and Hermione about their divorce but without more going on for him there it read like smething that was crammed into the chapter to build up tension for chapters to come.

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Review #3, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Weasley Partying!

16th September 2015:
I'm kind of at a loss with this chapter. There are some good points to it and some not so good points.

The sneaking into the club was funny and a nice use of the invisibility cloak (but it does seem like an item that would have been useful while evading the police and I'm a bit perplexed as to why James didn't bring it out then). Fred's preoccupation with his butt was funny and made sense - I'm a bit surprised he didn't need more medical attention after losing so much blood. Reparo can restore an item to its origanal state (such as a shattered bowl becoming whole) but it does not restore liquid/contents (like the essense of murtlap not returning to the shattered bowl).

Hugo's struggles being short, young, and not very experienced in the club felt rather authentic. I wasn't sure what you meant by Hugo not knowing how to "pull birds" - if it's a British phrase I'm not aware of it. Do you mean attract birds? I had a laugh at Hugo's intro of "I'm English" because that'd probably be obvious by his accent.

That brings me to the problematic part of the chapter. The whole mistaken sex of a transgender person thing is a rather common trope. I understood Hugo's reaction but I found this line extremely distasteful "Darling come back! Lets go to my place! I have candy!" It paints the transgender person as a sexual predator. A more common reaction (and trans positive) from a transgender person might be "your loss" followed by them going on to dance with someone else. The reaction transgender person makes it out that they're more interested in noncensensual interaction than just having a good time with someone who wants to dance with them. Besides it being a jarring interaction, it felt random with the flow of the rest of the chapter.

I am glad that Hugo ran into (while quite briefly) people he felt safe with. I find it interesting that they all seem to know so much about Snape. I suppose there were books written about the war and his part in it would have been a point of focus but it seemsa bit odd that all of them would recognize Snape (or his look alike) on sight and know all these facts about him.

In Dom's section, I was a bit confused about the chronological order this happened in. Is it meant to by right after Hugo's section or during it? The boy she momentarily mistakes for Teddy is interesting. I do feel bad that her 1/4 Veela ancestory has such a strong bearing on her life. The guy (Daniel, I suppose) seemed a bit harmless and ridiculous until he got really creepy. I do think Dom needs to get a grip and/or go to therapy for her Teddy obsession. Unless it's going to turn into a thriller where she kills him out of unrequited love - that kind of seems to be the kind of affection she has for him.

Everytime Molly shows up in Hugo's section she seems annoying but I didn't expect her to seem annoying from her own perspective too. She and Lily seem like two over-excited, very dramatic girls without much more to them. It was a bit weird for Molly to be self aware of her annoying behavior too. No one wants to be annoying so I would imagine if she thought that about herself, she'd try to not be so annoying. The dementors were a surprise but it felt very random to happen at a moment's notice. Besides the dementors showing up, not much else of importance seemed to happen in Molly's section. The conversation Lily and Molly have just rehashes information Hugo already gave us and it's a rather short part of the overall chapter. Maybe if more happened before the dementor attack it wouldn't seem like a sideways section.

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Review #4, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: The Wizard Ninja

16th September 2015:
For consistency, if you're going to have multiple POVs, each narrative section (including the start of the chapter) should indicate who is narrating. It's clear after a few lines but it's still clunky to figure out.

I didn't quite get why Rose didn't go with Hugo and James... just too shocked to move? It seemed a bit of a dramatic build up (that could have been easily resolved) with them trying to figure out how to help Fred when Rose would have likely known how to help him out. Hugo's sarcastic/comedic narration doesn't fit well with the seriousness of the situation. He just seems annoyed with the situation rather than worried.

Teddy's section didn't seem to have a purpose other than to break up the action in Hugo's section. Was the duck thing supposed to be a parallel for Dom and Victoire liking Teddy? Victoire's attitude towards Teddy is a bit ponderous. She doesn't seem to appreciate his willingness to bend to her desires and constantly referring to him as a wuss doesn't seem like it was make Teddy feel great about himself. If Teddy's section is at the same time as Hugo's then they definitely seem to be running late for their return to the hotel.

The second part of Hugo's section felt more dramatic but it was a bit heavy on dialogue - some description would have helped convey the drama and made it clearly not the same type of narration Hugo usually gives. I was surprised the police didn't come sooner, assuming the library has some sort of security.

You do need to cite the "or worse expelled line" as it is a direct quote from Philospher's Stone.

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Review #5, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Family Quidditch and The Lovegood's Nargle Dance

14th September 2015:
I really like the opening line about reminiscing but then the narrative kind of lurches because Hugo doesn't reminisce and the story clambers on with their wandering through Amsterdam. I do kind of wander how far off the beaten path they are to be in an area that is so poorly lit they can't get by without the use of wands and the deluminator. Most major cities I've visited keep their downtown lit well enough.

The flashback with Ron giving Hugo the deluminator is nice. It is awkward wording to say he left it to Hugo as that is a phrase one usually hears about items given through a will after the original owner died. This is a little outside the narrative but I noticed a few times that Hugo is described as having brown hair in the story but your banner (which I believe features Hugo) shows a red haired boy.

I guess Rose smacking people is her thing but it feels a bit overplayed in this chapter. She seems like she has a short fuse and no sense of humor but there isn't much more to her than hitting people.

Their mini quest for wifi was amusing and Fred's splinching was also done nicely for a part comedy, part drama narrative. It's a serious situation because of what happened but Hugo's recounting of it does provide a nice dry humor.

I've forgotten how old Dom is - I believe you have her as under 14 which would put Teddy and Victoire 8-10 years older than her (my math might be wrong but Teddy is 6 years older than James, 7-8 years older than Albus. Albus and James are older teens in this story and the narrative has painted Dom as a younger teen than the James and Albus). It really doesn't seem realistic for her to seriously believe Teddy would be interested in her (if he were, it would be against the site rules). I even find myself identifying with Victoire not seeing Teddy as a boy (I mean, she's known him her entire life) and slowly growing into her feelings for him. I guess there isn't much about Dom's complaining that pulls on my sympathies - she just comes off as selfish, short-sighted, and immature.

In the getting in the club bit, it does seem like Dom is 16 or so, which displaces James and Albus' ages that are stated in the story. Earlier Dom says she was 8 in the Epilogue (so Albus was 11). Albus is not yet 17 so Dom could only be 14. I know she's lying when she says she's 18 but other things in the narrative make Dom sound much older than 12 (with the "I've been dealing with guys like that since I was 12" comment, making it sound like something she's adjusted to over many years). I know there's more going on than Dom's age but it's kind of distracting to have the characters' ages float about.

The ending for Dom's section had a nice buzz of humor to it though overall I didn't get a clear sense of action in her narrative.

The quidditch and following fight scene were my favorite in this chapter. I liked the action and quips that were going on and that all the adults were playing. I do think it'd help to explain where they're playing quidditch as a crowded downtown area doesn't seem likely to have a quidditch pitch handy for them. Ron and Hermione's fighting didn't seem to faze anyone there so I'm not sure why them talking about a divorce would either. At least I would encourage someone who had such a rocky relationship to fix or leave what they had. Their arguments do seem a bit immature for their age and time elapsed as a married couple but I suppose they could have regressed into a more immature style fighting after a point.

About the narrative changes, I am not a fan of first person narratives that switch narrators mid-chapter. I do appreciate that you clearly delineated who was narrating and gave each person a sizable chunk of the chapter. I think the splinching cliffhanger was the only one that hit me as a real cliffhanger - the other two didn't have the same dramatic "what is about to happen" feel. I mean, finding out about a divorce is important and will play out through the story and discovering Snape still alive is important but neither have an immediate consequence which I think of as necessary for the cliffhanger feel.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review!

I agree that Hugo didn't really reminisce but I don't really think that's a problem. You can put 2 and 2 together really, 24 hours ago he probably was at home, doing nothing of maybe playing quidditch with some friends. I wanted to get the feel of them excitedly roaming the streets of Amsterdam quickly, instead of wandering into what he did 24 hours ago too much -- its not really important or interesting anyway.

About the street being poorly lit, I agree that it's unusual for a big city, and that's why you can assume the power went out for some reason that day -- a technical malfunction.

I'm not a native speaker, I had no clue it was awkward wording the way I wrote that Ron left his Deluminator to Hugo, sorry. How should I have written it? The banner is my mistake as well, I made it myself ghehe and I couldn't find a dark haired Hugo to use that fit.

I don't understand what you're on about regarding Rose -- up until this point, she only hit someone twice? There's a lot more to her than "just hitting people". Remember, this is only ch4.

Dom is 16, its literally said in the chapter. I'm not completely informed on their canon age differences, but in this story Dom, Al, Rose,James are all 16. Al only just became 16 though and James becomes 17 in a few days. Harry couldn't keep it in his pants :D

Whether its realistic or not if Teddy would like Dom is not really the point. She just has a huge crush on him and is slightly blinded by it. Of course she thinks Teddy belongs with her, because she's in love with him! She's not gonna properly weigh off all the logistics. It's too bad you don't feel any sympathy for her, but everyone is different so its understandable. Maybe if you were 16 again, you'd understand her better :p I hope the ages don't distract you too much. I'd advice you to not think about it too much -- I didn't write in anything TOO crazy..

It IS explained where they're playing haha! You read over it. They were playing on a miniature quidditch field and used a shrink spell on themselves.

I'm flabbergasted by your point regarding that you don't understand why Harry is upset by them getting a divorce. Fighting is one thing, wanting a divorce, after years upon years of marriage, is something else entirely. It was very sudden as well. Wouldn't you be 'fazed' if your best friend who was married for years suddenly would want a divorce?

Ron and Hermione have always had immature arguments in their fights, that's just who they are. But their actual arguments for divorcing weren't really revealed here, those'll be revealed later.

I also disagree with you on the cliffhangers not having an immediate effect on the narrative. Harry now knows his best friends are going to get divorced -- knowing Harry, you think he'd wait a week before bringing it up during coffee? No, he's going to take INMEDIATE action. Also, the Snape thing. You think any of the kids will just let it slide that they just saw a living person who should have died decades ago? No, they're going to take INMEDIATE action. Its too bad they didn't feel as adequate cliffhangers to you though, that was what I was going for.

Thanks for the review! You always point out things no one else has mentioned, very helpful and entertaining! And they're incredibly detailed as well!


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Review #6, by toomanycurlsCan I Have This Dance: Can I Have This Dance

11th September 2015:
I definitely got the same vibe from watching the movie and I like how you put Harry and Hermione together here!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for these kind words. I know watching that scene is pure torture on my nerves, this is kind of reprieve from that ;) Thanks again and take care.

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Review #7, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: The City of Nargles

10th August 2015:

Your reviewing spree reminded me to come back and keep up on your story. In this chapter some of your characterizations were a bit weak with the teenaged girls all seeming to have the same personalities (especially in the beginning with the diary stuff). Lucy's fit about forgetting her diary was kind of odd in the last chapter but having the almost same thing happen with Molly's diary on the plane was a bit repetitive. I get feeling hurt because Teddy was able to retrieve one diary but not the other but I'd expect some of the adults to tell her to get over it and stop crying on the plane (especially as an older teenager).

I'm not sure that Schiphol would be difficult for someone to pronounce. At least Schi and ski make the same sounds in English.

It made sense for Molly to want to bring her clock - you have her still quite protective of the family which I could see (though it makes me a bit sad she hasn't gotten past the trauma of the second wizarding war better). So, I get what you mean by Rox being fond of Hugo but having an actual crush on him is a bit against the site rules. While I don't think you mean for her to have romantic feelings, just that he's her favorite cousin (?) - it really should be toned down into her favoring him rather than having a crush on him. It's a subtle difference betweent he two ideas but one negates any romantic overatures.

After reading Hugo's thoughts on everyone he could possibly be paired with for sharing a room, he doesn't seem to like anyone in his family very much. Overall he makes for a rather negative narrator. I suppose his commentary could be taken for humor but it strikes me as rather sarcastic and negative.

I liked seeing everyone together for the meal but the adults seem kind of stuck like they were at the end of the HP series. Ron hasn't learned table manners and Hermione hasn't really accepted or learned to ignore that annoying habit (in relationships people either get over or get the other person to stop whatever it is that irks them. for them to be married for so long and her to be easily annoyed by that still makes me feel that they really haven't done much growth as a pair).

This is more of a continuity thing but Hugo leaves the table with Dom et al where Harry and Ron are in a deep discussion and make their way to the living room where Harry and others are playing charades. Unless they detoured somewhere for a while, it doesn't flow well for Harry to be in both places immersed in two quite different activities.

It is nice to see them try to wheedle their way into a few hours on their own in the new country. I'm not sure why Molly is so reluctant to let them leave (or why it isn't up to their parents to decide). Teddy is about 24 here so I think he's certainly old enough to be responsible for the kids.

There were a few grammar things that popped out while reading this.

Ofcourse is two words.
There are a few instances where you have 's instead of s to make a word plural.

I felt as if this chapter and the previous one could be a combined chapter. At the end of this chapter I feel as if something interesting is about to happen (or I hope so wtih a group that large venturing out into a foriegn country).


Author's Response: Thanks for the detailed review! I like how you often bring up things in your review no one else has ever mentioned!

I don't really understand what was odd about Lucy losing her diary? She's 12 years old and slightly spoiled, just like her sister Molly. And Molly losing her diary as well was actually important for underlying things that bloom further in the story. I'm sorry it felt repetive to you -- I promise no one will ever lose his/her diary in this story again!

As a Dutch guy, I've found that foreign people nearly always have trouble pronouncing Schiphol properly. You see, the correct way to pronounce it is actually in a way you're probably not familiar with, 'Sgiphol' but the 'g' is made in the back of your mouth. Sorry, its difficult to explain. Its a Dutch thing. Words like 'Schaar'(Scissor) or 'Schuilen'(Hiding) are pronounced the same way.

I don't see how Roxie having a crush on Hugo is against the rules? Its not a serious romantical crush, obviously. She's barely 10. She doesn't even fully understand what 'a relationship is and the feelings are anything but mutual.

About Hugo's commentary: He does like his family, its just that he's really a sarcastic jerk. He likes to complain about his family, but really he's very similar. You'll find later in the story (as soon as chapter 5, I believe) that he cares deeply for all of them.

Besides this, I think his sarcasm is mostly a 'hate it or love it' kind of thing. You'll discover quite soon that this story is written through several Pov's so maybe you'll like the other characters better ?

The family members are the same as in the end of HP 7 because that's just their personality. Do you really think there would ever come a day were Ron eats all properly and behavedly? That just wouldn't be Ron, imo. Besides, things like that is why many people (including me) love him. Changing these characters like you imply I could have done would result in a lot of people finding them ooc, I reckon. And it would just be less fun if they didn't have the strong personalities we like em for :p

As you'll find if you read on, you deem Teddy responsible enough to care for these kids, but you haven't met my Wotters properly yet if you think that ;p You have no idea what kind of trouble they easily get themselves into.

And finally: The charades/table scene. You got me there, the transition should've been more smoothly. No space left to explain :/ But thanks for the review! Love the criticism!:D

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Review #8, by toomanycurlsAreopagitica: Affiche Rouge

30th July 2015:
Hi Stefanie!!

I'm here for the next chapter and wow. After reading such a sweet and touching prologue, this was very, very emotional (but in a completely different way than the last chapter. Of course they're writing lies about Kingsley and probably the rest of the Order - it makes perfect sense to do during a war.

I love Ginny x a large number for her behavior and winced as buttface, I mean Amycus hit and then tortured her. :( This stuff was in the background of DH but you've made it so real to me now. They weren't on the run camping in the woods but the kids at Hogwarts really were heroes for standing up to Amycus and Alecto. Poor McG, watching her students be treated like that too. Madame Pomfrey's reaction was the saddest to me, mainly because her job is to protect kids and heal them.

It was really nice to see Luna and Neville take care of Ginny and !!! we got to see what the objects were for!! I'm so glad it's a way to communicate with them and let them know what's really going on out there. I'm curious about his sources (mainly if that's what gets him into trouble).

Ah! Their idea to spread the right news around is awesome!! I can just imagine the way the halls would look wtih posters and grafitti. I love them.

:-o this is where they go into hiding, isn't it??!?!! McG is tough stuff here. I hate hte position she's in but love her moment of defiance against them.

I'm so excited to see more of this.


Author's Response: Hello Rose!

Thanks so much for the review!

I'm so happy you like the next chapter! I've been quite insecure about it for whatever reason.

The kids at Hogwarts are definitely heroes in my eyes. They're sort of forgotten heroes, I think, but so important to the effort.

I hope you read more when I finally write something :)


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Review #9, by toomanycurlsAreopagitica: Prologue

30th July 2015:
Hi Stefanie!!

I think I validated this chapter and I remember being curious about your story when I first saw this. The weekly packages are clearly more than the items appear to be - based on Ernie's reaction at least. I could see Luna and Xeno having some weird gift passing of objects that were purely sentimental.

It's lovely to think they're giving the students something to inspire hope during this year at Hogwarts - or something to help them fight.

Each section has a lovely and unique feel to it. You do a great job capturing the three perspectives in this chapter without making them sound the same.

The care that Xeno puts into each package really tugged at my heartstrings. I think in part because I was close to my dad like Luna is to hers (less cray cray with the ideas though) so it's easy for me to get father/daughter feels. I just also think it's a more normal expression of affection between them than we usually see which is lovely as well.

Thanks for doing a BvB swap with me - I'm excited for the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hello Rose!

Thanks so much for the review and for being the bestest validator ever! The work you do for this site is just amazing :)

Xeno and Luna really tug at my heartstrings too. I know we're meant to see him as a selfish old man who sold out Harry Potter, but he just loves his daughter so much, how can you fault him? Luna's all he's got left in the whole world. I just think they've got such a beautiful, lovely relationship.

Thanks again for the lovely review Rose!


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Review #10, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: On Their Way

29th July 2015:
Hi Alec!!

I'm here for our review swap.

I was surprised by the reactions to Amsterdam. At least in US culture it's hyped to be a really cool place to visit because of the history and liberal laws (let's just say James nailed it). It also stood out to me as stranged that Albus would know how far of a plane ride it is to Amsterdam. I travel a bit (3-4 times per year on average) and I still have a tough time guessing the flight time to various places (unless I've flown there a handful of times). Now, if they were just visiting the Holland countryside, I'd be with them 100%. It's pretty (I've heard) but maybe not as exciting as the city.

The no magic rule makes sense and it'll be interesting to see how long that lasts.

I feel as if they'll find more differences than Hugo is thinking of going to Holland - at least when I go to Canada (which is closeby) I always noticed cultural differences. I'm not sure if he's being shortsighted or just doesn't know.

Hugo's conversation with Loriette is very cute and it's nice to see that she is also fascinated by Nargles. I'm kind of surprised there wasn't a reaction to Louis calling Loriette a name - unless he said it just loud enough for Hugo to hear. His inner-dialogue about James being Aristotle was amusing.

I felt like there could be more about them getting into and through the airport. Mainly what sort of muggle ID they'd need to travel. I also assume that the technology used in airports would be fascinating to them (luggage conveyor belts, x-rays/metal detectors, etc.). I can't blame Hugo for feeling a bit overwhelmed with his family already - that's a large group to be travelling with. i'm remined a bit of the travelling scenes from Home Alone. :)

There were a few weird phrases that I thought I'd point out:
- diary's should be diarys
-Scorpius the git would read better as a title with it written as Scorpius-the-git
-ensemble should be assemble
-pathetic begging tone is a bit harsh but whether you change it or not, pathetic and begging shold have a comma (which you should almost always do with two adjectives in a row)

Overall this chapter is rather enjoyable and you did a great job keeping up each person's characterization. It did feel a bit rushed considering how much happened that would have been interesting to talk about.


Author's Response: Hey!

Yeah well for us Dutch/English people it can be different. For an English person, I think you'll agree it's understandable to get sick of the awful weather there. You hope to go to somewhere completely different & exciting, but nope: you end up going to nearly the same place.

Most English/Dutch people I've found actually know the flight time between their countries. I think primarily because they're so close to each other and because its exactly 1 hour.

I agree expanding their journey to Amsterdam could've been more funny but I wanted to keep the pace quick -- I feel like in the earlier chapters, when people aren't very in to your story, they'll have a shorter attention span.

Thanks for the CC! Since I'm still looking for a Beta, its very helpful. I'm sorry the chapter felt rushed to you, I just wanted to keep it fast paced.

Thanks for the multi swap! My review is coming soon!


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Review #11, by toomanycurlsSaving Severus Snape : viii.

28th July 2015:

Yay for some progress in this chapter. If you didn't have some soon I was going to stage a protest :P I really felt for Hermione at her being overwhelmed by the magnitude of her mission and questioning why she'd do it. She really brings up a good point about how they did win but I feel like stopping the second war from ever happening would be such a good thing to have happen. She really is alone there too - I mean, she can't tell Amelia what she's going through or trying to do. *hugs poor Hermione*

I really love Snape here - showing concern for her but also not wanting to admit that he felt concern at the same time. I'm going to want to strangle him at some point, aren't I? Hermione's attitude with him is great - while it'd be fun for them to just fall in love but I do like the angst of two people trying to come together.

Sirius and James cracked me up (at least at first) with their sneaking around under the cloak. I kind of felt like they were a bit tweedle dee and tweedle dum there but it was hilarious. I do wonder how often Snape thought he heard James and Sirius in the past and shrugged it off as his imagination being overactive.

Whyyy is snape so... well, okay, he was just jinxed and that can't put him in a good place but whyyy?!?! does he have to react like him. :( :( Good fighters or not - it's so upsetting that he hit her with sectumsempre (though it seems to not have been intended for her). I was so glad McG got there. I'm also glad Snape used his healing spell thing on her to help out.

their month of detentions should be interesting *waggles eyebrows*


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Review #12, by toomanycurlsClimb: Climb

28th July 2015:
Hi Kaitlin!!

I've always felt an uncomfortable connection with Umbridge and the first few paragraphs of this remind me of what we have in common and how those things are often put down by others. Ambition and drive - that's me to a T. Plus I'm a Scorpio which makes me even more classified as malicious and scheming (the darker sides of ambition). I was almost having a life crisis with this and thinking I really *was* a non-magical Umbridge until her questionable methods started to show through. But really, up until she outright stole someone else's report, I was able to see where she was just working hard for what she wanted in life.

You definitely make a good case as to why ambition and ethics should go together because Umbridge definitely missed the marks when it came to integrity. i really like the workplace politics and gender-issues you bring up with climbing the corporate ladder - I found myself thinking 'they wouldn't talk about her if she weren't willing to walk all over people' but I wouldn't say that about a man. Umbridge could be a white paper on so many workplace issues that I've seen.

By the end of the story, she's not at all someone I identify with (apart from visualizing herself in the top spot) because she's just pushing through stuff to further her own political agenda. I love how coy and devious she is and really like this version of her.

Thank you for swapping!


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Review #13, by toomanycurlsThe Exchange Student: Prologue

28th July 2015:
Alright - this hardly feels fair but I have to review this because you've totally ruined me and made me love timetravel stories. I also consider myself the master and commander of companion fics so I love that you're making one for SSS. AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON'T BE UPDATING THIS FOR A WHILE?!?! YOU CAN POST A TEASER AND NOT FOLLOW THROUGH!


I really like that you start with his death in DH and that he thinks both of Hermione and Lily in his final moments. You get a definite A+ for making this feel like it could have been part of what happened to him and that he'd hold back parts from Harry.

I'm really excited for this story AND YOU BETTER UPDATE SOON.


Author's Response: Rose!!

I'm really glad you did read and review this! *frolic*

Ah, come to the dark side, Rose. Let the time-travel stories consume you. And I LOVED what you did with your Remus/Tonks stories. That might had been a part of my inspiration to do this. If mine even end up half as good as yours were, I'll be happy with that. :)

*hides* I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!! I don't want to have spoilers, so I'm only going to be posting the first chapter of this, around the middle of September, and then probably not any more until SSS is finished. But I'm going to be writing this all out along with SSS, so the updates for this won't be as long. Does that make it better? I hope? *offers cookies*

Eep! Yay for A+! I'm really happy to hear that you liked how this was done. This will all make much more sense later on, but this scene HAD to be in this. It makes me super thrilled to hear that it feels like it could fit in cannon, because of me trying to make it all feel as cannon as possible. :)

Thanks so much for checking this out! *dances* I really hope you end up enjoying both stories!

Tons of hugs and so much love,
Meg ♥

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Review #14, by toomanycurlsTick Tock: time is running out

28th July 2015:
I need to know more! Who killed her and why?!!? Was she targetted for being a mudblood or was it just a random murder?! Why did she apply for Borgin and Burkes, knowing their reputation? Was it one of them who killed her??

I've never felt so much suspense in just a short one-shot. My heart started to race and I was very nervous for her. I thought for a bit that maybe she had an omen telling about her death but then saw it was just nerves. WHY WAS HER TIME RUNNING OUT!?? I also need to know that.

with the focus being on her murder, I love all the other details you give in this. About the death eater trials and post DH - not to mention the struggles Romilda had going back to school to finish her education. I love that they're still hiding stuff for former death eaters too. How can you make this so rich while it is so short and focused too??


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Review #15, by toomanycurlsIn April: you lie.

23rd July 2015:
I think you've written about the one thing that makes me cry regardless of my hormornal state. Losing a spouse, escpially to a disease is something I don't know if I can face in my life but one of us will go first. Two of my aunts have died of cancer and this is exactly what I imagine their husbands going through.

There are tears and i need to know there's hope after this too. Promise me there's hope.


Author's Response: there's always hope. i promise.

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Review #16, by toomanycurlsWatching: Chapter 1

23rd July 2015:
Hi Kaitlin!

This story really stuck with me when I read it in the queue (as well as when you PM'd me about the ending). I haven't read a creepy stalker fic quite like this but this was incredibly scary to read.

You did such a good job capturing Goyle's one-sided fascination with Cho and how unhealthy relationships can fester. Stalking is something I've only read about and watched in media but he definitely hits all of the markers for a delusional stalker. It's so arrogant for him to think any part of Cho's life was directed at him but that seems to be what stalkers do - take everything a person does and internalize it. I wish he had told his friends about his obsession because they would have gotten him to snap out of it (for stupid pureblood reasons, but it would have saved Cho I think).

I wasn't surprised that her relatinship wtih Cedric triggered his attack. Oh how I wish someone would have been there :( When you sent me this I thoughe he killed himself but now I'm reading that he's there and waiting to be caught. Azkaban does seem like a good place for him after this horrid act.

Wonderful job with such a difficult topic!


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Review #17, by toomanycurlsHermione Granger: Ron Needed Her.

21st July 2015:

This is such a powerful chapter and view into Hermione in the weeks after the battle. You bring up so many realistic points on just some rather simple things people would have after the battle. The cough, the cosmetic issues that still hurt like a physical pain, ah. It's all too much.

I really loved your paragraph on Hermione trying to fight Bellatrix with Luna and Ginny. The description of Molly's fury and rage was so perfect and heartbreaking.

It's only natural to consider that it easily could have been Ron instead of Fred that died in that corridor (or her) but I hope she doesn't dwell on that for too long.

Part of me feels like Molly wouldn't really fuss with them sharing a bed at that point but I can understand wanting to put things back to how they were before the last year. I would have hated for Hermione to try staying byherself through those horrible nights.

As much as Ron does need her here, it's unfair to not say that Hermione also needs Ron. In the last chapter she was 100% selfless but here I feel she's also benefiting from Ron.

Absolotely lovely chapter!


Author's Response: Hi there Rose!

You're the first person to review this chapter since I made a few changes. No content was altered, but I just cleaned up a few sentences and added some emphasis about Hermione missing Fred as well. This review has solidified that I did all right with that- so thank you!

I'm not exactly sure if Molly insisted on certain sleeping arrangements or if they all just sort of fell into what they thought would be proper after everything was all over - Molly was probably too far gone in her own grief to even notice.

And I can't tell you how happy I am that you noticed that Hermione also needs Ron. The next chapter dips into that area as well - where Hermione is insisting (to herself) that she is needed, instead of addressing what *she* needs.

Thanks so much for this awesome review!

♥ Beth

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Review #18, by toomanycurlsSpoons: spoons.

21st July 2015:

You have such a touching story about Molly and Arthur after Fred's death. My heart broke for them several times over reading this. I imagine Arthur is being strong for Molly but apart from the physical things you described, he didn't seem as caught up in his grief. I imagine he's being strong for Molly though.

In years since DH, I haven't considered the clock and how they'd need to adjust it for one less family member (or if I did think about it, I let myself believe it would take care of itself). There are a thousand reminders of people after they die that family has to take care of but something as personal as the clock is especially devastating.

I felt horrible that George had been in his room for pretty much the entire time since coming from. In a way, his sorrow was just as impactful too.

Great job on this and good luck with the challenge.


Author's Response: Hi Rose!

For Arthur, I didn't want to ignore his grief, but you're right, I do have him playing the role as being strong for Molly.

I was very curious about what happened to Fred's hand, seeing as there wasn't a specific place for it to be.

I thought it would be wrong to write a story about Fred and not mention George so I kind of snuck that in there. I'm glad it actually worked!

Thank you so much for the kind review!


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Review #19, by toomanycurlsThe Netted Sunbeam: The Netted Sunbeam

16th July 2015:
I have a habit of not reading the era or characters in a story before jumping in so I was convinced this was a next-gen until you talked about Tristan Potter - then I loved this story even more.

One - I love that James' parents meeting in such a sweet way. I love that Isolda rebuffed him in the beginning and that Tristan pursued her (very brashly but sweetly too)

two - I love that you have Isolda coming from a conservative non-white family. It makes me so happy to see characters from different ethnic backgrounds.

three - Isolda and her mom have such a believable, genuine relationship. I love her mother's assumption that Isolda is pregnant at the end. I laughed. really hard.

four - I love that Tristan is going to pursue Isolda following a nice courtship tradition instead of... whatever he would have done with someone else.

five - their romance is borderline clandestine but also my favorite thing ever. Can you write a novel about them? I need more scenes of stolen kisses and small intimacies. I also love how Tristan carefully lies to Isolda's mother about why he's over visiting. I am curious as to why Isolda doesn't want a public relationship with Tristan - perhaps she doesn't 100% trust his intentions. Her comment on them spending too much time unsupervised reveals so much about how she's compromised a bit of herself already but it also shows that she does want something wtih him.

I'm pretty sure that if Iz's mom didn't find them together they'd be in a secret relationship forever. A+ for nosy moms. :D

Isolda might be my new favorite person. She's almost angry that she had to say she was in love with him. I get where she's coming from a bit - Mr. Popular doesnt' seem like her type. I can definitely see a lot of James in Tristan (popular, pursuing his love interest). I do hope you write more about these two.


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Review #20, by toomanycurlsFinding Him: manor.

16th July 2015:
Hi Sama!

I'm back for chapter two!

I really enjoy how this goes from present to past - and that the past scenes aren't just to spoonfeed info about the present. It gives the story an abstract feel.

So, despite her claims otherwise, I do sense that Rose has some feelings for Scorpius - that much came out clear in the past scenes. Between finding him attractive and feeling leery of him moving abroad, there's something there.

I thought Harry denying them information fit really well with his personality - I don't think he'd cross any sort of line like that at work (even if it was annoying for his kids). I do feel as if Rose's life is a bit empty but she seems to at least enjoy her lonely life.

With Albus being such good friends with Scorpius, I'm kind of surprised he didn't go off and try to find his friend without Rose. Besides his claim that she loves him, I'm not sure why he needs her to lead the search.

Rose's visit to Malfoy Manor was my favorite part! It really seemed like the manor was under slight neglect (with the squeaky gate and... something about it). That could defently reflect how Astoria and Draco feel about Scorpius being gone. I really thought Astoria would completely deny Rose any sort of information but I'm so excited that she got an address!

Great chapter

Author's Response: Hi Rose! It's great to hear from your again!

I was really unsure if the present to past thing would work, especially since it switched more than twice in this chapter. I'm glad you thought it worked. It gives me some relief.

Ah, Rose she was in denial forever. She's kind of accepted it now... well sort of. She has feelings for a Malfoy. It's as simple as that. It's just that she doesn't think it's that simple.

Ah, Harry! I could always see him being loyal to his work so that's why I had him say no. In my mind he's a really kind person that likes to have his professional and personal life split from each other.

Scorpius is away for job reasons so that's why Albus didn't interfere. Since Rose has something she's had bugging her for years, Albus is pushing her to face Scorpius and get everything cleared for her sake. I hope that cleared everything.

Rose's visit to Malfoy Manor was fun to write. I wish at one point in the story I could make her meet Draco but alas I don't think that'll happen. Astoria was really close to not giving her anything but if she didn't, Astoria knew she would have regretted it. And I think she had some hope that Rose would somehow bring him back quicker.

Thank you for taking the time to review! You understand the story really well and it's great when that happens.


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Review #21, by toomanycurlsFinding Him: morning.

16th July 2015:
Hi Sama!

I really like the thoughts in the beginning about love not always being obvious to the people who experience it (and I laughed about her daydreaming about treacle tart).

I definitely feel as if a lot happnened between the intro and present day. Like, did Scorpius run away, was he kidnapped? Is he just a recluse?

Albus and Rose's friendship is one of my favorite aspects in next-gen stories. I'm so glad to see that in your fic as well. I get the feeling that Albus is as much there for Scorpius as he is for Rose. It's almost as if both Rose and Scorpius are recluses with Rose at least staying connected to her family. It's sad that Albus refers to scorpius as his best friend in the past tense. Albus' insistence that Rose loves Scorpius is so interesting - besides the dreaming about him, is there more he's going on?

Very good first chapter! This looks like an interesting story indeed!

Author's Response: Hi, Rose!

I'm glad your liked the beginning. Rose is stubborn... I think that's why she didn't realize that she fancied someone. And sweets are distracting... I can't blame her for dreaming about a dessert.

A lot has happened. Scorpius hasn't ran away and nor has he been kidnapped. More about what happened to him is coming in future chapters. It actually has to do with his job.

I feel like an Albus and Rose friendship is a must in next gen. Rose and Scorpius are both his best friends. But he hasn't seen Scorpius in almost a year... they have a lot of catching up to do when they see each other again. Albus can read people pretty well, especially Rose. There are a few more things that hinted to him that Rose loves Scorpius such as how she acted around him after they graduated.

Thank you for the kind review! It's always great to hear from from readers who understand the story line pretty well.


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Review #22, by toomanycurlsL'optimisme: Silence

16th July 2015:
Dear Laura,

I feel that it is long past due for me to start in on this. I feel as if the first chapter was so complete that I am curious as to what the rest of the story is about. It will be difficult to address everything I like about this chapter but I will try.

The exposition and theme around silence gave this chapter a wonderful tone and thoughtfulness that I'd expect from Dumbledore. I thought it very fitting that Dumbledore would use the pensieve to keep his private, treasured memories as well as those of great importance to the rest of the world.

I appreciate that you started with Gellert and Albus already together - and I'm guessing that this will either go through the fallout of their relationship or go back and start from its beginning. Their intimacy is delightful. I love that you managed it with such tenderness and discretion. Even in their tender moments, I can sense a bit of a power play between them (not wanting to ask him to stay but not wanting him to leave).

This might be my favorite Ariana death scene that I've read. Albus' response in the moment certainly seemed to anchor his guilt in later years. I liked his concern for Gellert and almost disregard for Aberforth (I'm pretty sure he was barely mentione in the last section). One thing that also stood out to me here is Albus' need to see the best in people - wanting to think Gellert agonized over Ariana's death.

You have a brilliant opening chapter and I will jump into more of this later!


Author's Response: Hey Rose! :) Thank you so much for stopping by! :)

Thank you so so much! :) Yeah, it's strange because the first two chapters, especially this one, sort of go through an entire relationship, almost - the two months - so they sort of are pretty complete, in their own way? So yeah, I totally get that! :)

Thank you! I really like having themes for chapters, tbh, as they help me to focus on things (I'm so bad otherwise...) so I'm so glad you liked that - yeah, I always kinda assumed those memories would be in there; too precious and too painful, and also too secret, almost, in their own way.

Yeah, it's going to go on forwards, though there will inevitably be glimpses of that summer and what happened, so it sort of does both, in a way? But I always wanted to explore more what happened afterwards, since to me that was always more interesting :) I'm so happy you like their relationship - I really wanted to make it seem so real, if a little tense, and yeah, there is a sense of power between them, definitely!

Haha, thank you? :P But seriously, thank you! I quite like writing death scenes (coz that's not weird at all... :P) and hers was fun, if difficult to write. I really wanted to give Albus reason to feel guilty, but equally less reason than perhaps he takes on himself, if that makes sense. And yeah, he really wants to think it mattered to Gellert - a side-effect of still caring, I think.

Thank you so so much for the amazing review - it was so so lovely to get; I'm so glad you liked the chapter! :)

Aph xx

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Review #23, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Meet the Weasley's!

15th July 2015:

So, I know you're looking for feedback on your later chapters but I'm a start from the beginning person. I plan to work through your story over the next week or so to give you feedback on each chapter. A few things I'll get out of the way: I tend to be straightforward but polite and if you have questions on a bit of feedback you can PM me on the forums. I focus on plot more than grammar but I can point out grammar things that stick out to me. Don't be discouraged if there's a lot of feedback - you said you were asking for constructive feedback so this is more focsed on that than I usually am.

Plot and characterization:
I found this to be a very good opening chapter for a novel. You did a good job introducing the cousins with clear personalities and managed to give them unique voices. Hugo definitely stands out as the narrator and his commentary on their family and the upcoming trip is fascinating. Hugo's descriptions of the Scamanders and Longbottoms gave me a good sense of how well he knew and liked each of the families.

The only plot item you could add to this is a better sense of place. You state at the beginning that they're at the Burrow and that it's raining but I wasn't sure if they were all inside/outside, seated/standing, etc. It's not a huge thing but with as much dialogue and narration as there is, having a defined place certainly helps add another dimensionfo the reader.

You paced this all out well where it didn't just read like a roll call of next gen kids and kept it at a reasonable lenght (which is important for a first chapter).

A few grammar things stood out to me - I usually wouldn't comment on these things (and most of them would have gone unnoticed if I weren't looking) but I've included the for thoroughness.

Pluralizing a surname does not require an apostrophe -- Weasley's should be Weasleys. You'd use Weasley's if you were referring to the family as a single unit and providing a possessive modifier to their name.

This sentence kind of tripped me up but I added a suggested edit in brackets that makes your meaning clearer. "I've kinda grown into thinking sarcastically because my sister[, who] probably invented the word."

forth and fith should be fourth and fifth
wich says a lot should be which says a lot. Wich is an old English word that doesn't really hold meaning any more. Which is used to differentiate between two things.

O shut up should be Oh should up. It's pronouned the same either way but it's written with the h so people know it's not ooh (a soft vowel).

Where they're talking about Arthur paying for the trip, I think a better phrasing would be poop for money (with the swear word you have in the chapter instead of poop).

I heared James should be I heard James

If you have any questions on my comments, please feel free to shoot me a PM!


Author's Response: Thanks again for your review!
I already responded to this review, and I don't have the original anymore, so I hope you don't mind this short response. Still, thanks a bunch for your very helpful review!


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Review #24, by toomanycurlsMy Brother: The Stages of Grief

11th July 2015:
I was so close to not crying when I read this until a song came on Pandora that we played at my mom's funeral and I lost it. So, congrats.

Colin's death always upsets me because he was so young and not very highly appreciated in the books before his death. One thing that stood out to me in this is Dennis' characterization - in the few stories I've read that include him (at any age), he's pretty much a mini-Colin. I love the contrasts you have between them.

Each stage of grief felt so real and raw for me. His anger at Colin for going back was very fitting as was his own guilt for not being able to talk him out of returning/staying. I loved Dennis going into Colin's room for the first time. I don't know why it touched me so much but I felt like it was a true turning point for him. Dennis returning to school in the fall was a perfect ending to this - he's at such a different place and I think that being around other people who have buried loved ones will do further good for him.


Author's Response: Hi Rose!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you liked the story! I really wanted Dennis to be different from Colin, and I really wanted Colin's death to have affected him in a powerful way. I'm sorry I made you cry, and I'm sorry about your mom! This story, I think, needs some updating. When I wrote it, I'd never had someone close to me die, but I recently suffered a loss, and I think it would be good for me to channel some of those emotions into writing. But I'm glad that you liked how it is right now! Your compliments mean so much to me! Thank you again!


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Review #25, by toomanycurlsMoment of Clarity: In These Walls

10th July 2015:
I looked at this previoulsy for BvB (which is how I remembered it for the SotM quote nomination) and it broke my heart. I just didn't have time then to review so I had to pass on that chance.

Alice post-attack stories *always* get to me. Yours did even moreso because it's wonderfully written. There are a few things I love in general, such as the disconnected flow of thoughts which fits very well for a mentally unstable person, the way that color stood out to Alice in her perception of people and thinks around her (another fitting move for her), and the confusion of Frank, Neville, and the baby (okay, I mildly hate you for that).

I think my first heartbreak in this was Alice working through the danger they were in at the end of the first war and that something had happened to them. the whole realization that she had gone through an ordeal (and knowing she's likely had this realization multiple times before) just kills me a little.

Her recognition of Augusta is also painful. The fact taht she recognizes her mother in law but also realizes she's older is sad (I'm out of fancy words right now, I guess). Then her mistaking Neville for Frank and the baby for Neville just kills me (it's worst the first time). It's also just so horribly sad that she feel relief at knowing Neville is safe when that's a 20+ year ago concern. :( :( I was hit so hard when she connected that the man is Neville and not Frank. There aren't enough sad faces for that.

And now I'm legit crying because the moment of recognition must have meant so much for everyone there and to have it be just a momentary lapse (if you will) makes me want to curl up into a sad, sad ball.

I loved the way this hurt me.


Author's Response: Heya Rose!

Sorry I'm slow at responding to this! I've been a professional slacker all month and keep putting off doing things...but now I'm going through unanswered reviews, so it's all good! :D

And again, sorry! I know I'm completely and utterly cruel for what I did here, and there's definately grounds to hate me just a little bit for it. Because having Alice have these lapses into reality, and recognizing time has passed and that Neville is safe and grown up...well, it is really heartbreaking. It killed me to write it and I'm just so happy I was able to get the right emotions across and get readers to really feel for Alice, and Neville and just everyone in the situation. Because it really is a hard situation for everyone to deal with, even though it is so great to have something, even if it is just momentary.

I'm so very glad you enjoyed this, and nominated a quote for SotM (Thank you so much for that, by the way! Was totally shocked to see it menioned in the nominations thread!)! I also thank you so much for leaving such a lovely review! I was so happy that you felt so hurt (not in, you know, a bad way, but like, it was the point of writing, to get people to feel things and I'm really sorry, but it's what the intention was...) and felt so much for these characters.

Thanks again!

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