Reading Reviews From Member: toomanycurls
805 Reviews Found

Review #1, by toomanycurlsEvery Broken Piece of Us: Your Memory is Breaking My Heart

26th August 2016:

*calms down*

The tone in this is so mature and well done for such a somber moment. I'm excited that you ship charlie/tonks, even if nothing happened between them. Ooh, man, it sounds like Charlie has hit a really rough patch with life. :(

I kinda think it'll be hard to avoid meeting Teddy. With Harry/Ginny being his godparents and by extension part of the Weasley family. It'd be tough though.

awww :( :( It' so terribly sad he's still brokenhearted over Tonks 26-ish years after she died. I loved is flashback though, Tonks is perfect in that memory.

You really hit on the angst very well. I am curious how he avoided meeting Teddy for so long though.

Very well done story!

Author's Response: Hello Rose!

Actually I don't really ship them, this was for the Chosen By You challenge, so Pookha chose this for me. I did enjoy writing it however.

Yeah, definitely. I mean, Ginny's his sister, Teddy is super close to the Wotters, all that.

Thank you so much for the review Rose, much love! I hope you have a wonderful day.


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Review #2, by toomanycurlsScars from Tomorrow: Scars from Tomorrow

27th July 2016:
I'm here for the hot seat!


you made me want to ship Drarry.

I've never really done it before but this. I feel compelled. You had me from the start and I have boarded HMS Drarry, long may she sail. Oh gosh the conflict in Draco is so realistic as is them having a connection unseen by Ron and Hermione. I mean, Harry is pretty good at keeping secrets (sometimes) and I could see affection for Draco being something he'd hold close.

AND THEIR SEXY INTERACTION IS VERY SEXY. You made it warmer here for me (not fair because it's very warm here rn).

It got less sexy when Draco started to protest but I'm glad they sort of had a conversation and Draco's boundaries were respected. This makes Draco's task of killing Dumbledore 10x worse (but I don't know if Harry would really just accept that Draco couldn't tell him).

Do you have a story where you show them getting together? I need to read that. I might need to go on a Drarry fest now.

I lvoe this and am amazed at all the emotion, angst, and sexiness you got into this.


Author's Response: Hi Rose! And yes! I want everyone to ship Drarry! Welcome aboard!

Yes, Draco is very conflicted between the role he must play and his feelings for Harry. And yeah, if Draco and Harry were to actually be in a relationship in Hogwarts I think they would have kept it very secret. Even from their friends. I can't even imagine really how Harry would tell Ron and Hermione about his feelings for Draco, even though I have read other Drarrys where this does happen.

Hahaha! I'm sorry for making it warmer where you are since it is so warm already. But yes, the sexiness could not last, Draco had things to say, and his boundaries of course had to be respected. This scene, and the relationship in general, does make Draco's task so much harder, that's for sure. He knows Harry is going to hate him after it all goes down. I don't know that Harry would accept this either, Harry trusts Dumbledore though and Draco doesn't. Draco was raised by Lucius who is most certainly not a fan of Dumbledore, and because of this, Draco thinks Dumbledore is very old and unable to help anyone. And I think he knows no matter what, Dumbledore will die the next day. Plus he's terrified of Voldemort and afraid for his own life and his parents' lives. But Harry's always been a stickler for doing what is right and he won't understand Draco's reasoning in the end.

I have been slowly working on a story showing how they get together but I've been stuck on it for a while. I totally support a Drarry fest though!

Thanks so much for the awesome review!

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Review #3, by toomanycurlsWe're Adults Now: We're Adults Now

22nd July 2016:
Aww! This is such a sweet story. It fits perfectly with the challenges you're doing.

I can tell you that it's very difficult to find a place to live under any sort of notice. The two of them are very full of life and that's quite a delight to read. I was curious if Albus was angling for money to buy a flat or his influence to help getting a flat easier. Either way, I like that Harry is having them do it by themselves.

the house sounds amazing. I'd like to move in there. :D Mr. Havertly seems a bit more baffled by their relationship than seems typical but I like that you point out they're used to it and have risen above the spectacle people try to make of their relationship.

Oh boy, I really like how you cut to Draco kicking Scorpius out (well, Albus then Scorpius left). It feels like something he'd do, perhaps mostly out of pride and anger.

hahaha, I've read stories with Harry/Scorpius shipped but that's on dark places on the internet.

It was smart of Scorpius to save up. He's quite the responsible person.

I think it's this instance of Mr Havertly calling them friends and the guys not correcting it that feels out of place. Housing discrimination is illegal pretty much everywhere so their sexuality wouldn't weight into whether the seller takes their offer. I'd like to think most of hte world is at a place where a same sex couple buying a house together isn't a spectacle but that could be because of my own view of it being perfectly normal.

Ah! I love that the Malfoys are coming around and want to have Scorpius back in their live. That makes me really happy!!

The ending is so sweet with the ring hidden in a kitchen box. That's such a clever way to propose and it ends things on a very high note. :D


Author's Response: Hey Rose, thanks for reviewing again!

I'm so glad it fits with the challenges, I was so worried that it wasn't going to.

It is hard to find a house or apartment. I'm actually moving into a new house soon. With Albus I think it was money AND his influence, Albus just really thought he needed his dad in that moment (but clearly he didn't!).

I tried to make the house sound amazing, but also small. Like a big cottage type thing. Because obviously it is their first house, I don't want them buying a mansion!

I wanted him to be baffled because even though some might think he's a muggle (I'm talking about the Wizarding World). I always have this image in my head when I'm writing fics, and the Wizarding World will either be ahead of our muggle society, or way behind (in terms of politics, sometimes other things though!). So that is why everyone is kind off, but the boys are used to it.

Thank you! I really wanted to have a Draco moment, because if not then everyone is like "why do we never get to see Draco and Astoria?" well, that's why. I agree with you on the pride and anger bit!

Well... I wasn't really shipping them together *laughs*, it was just kind of a lighthearted joke to add in there. I know what you mean, sometimes I'm feeling rebellious and I'll go read crack pot ships.

Again, in this fic the Wizarding World is far behind the muggle world in terms of politics. Also, that's not really something I would expect Albus and Scorpius to know, so maybe they're worried for no reason. I might go back and change that!

Yeah, I wanted to clear up any possible angst. The Malfoys turn around, they get the house, and then they're engaged EVERYONE'S HAPPY!

I'll be Scorpius now *sly grin* I know.

Thank you so much for your review Rose! I loved answering all of your questions and clearing up any misunderstandings you had. I'm so glad you like it.

Wherever you are in the world have an awesome day!


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Review #4, by toomanycurlsWedding Plans: Wedding Plans

18th July 2016:
Here from the review tag!

I love weddings and wedding doubts. ^_^ oh boy, thinking she's settling on their wedding day isn't good. *grabs popcorn*

Hermione's assesment of Harry makes sense but this line "even at times interesting" seems like such an insult. Or like Hermione places her own intelligence and views high above Harry's. I like that Luna was able to at least pose probing questions to Hermione, even if they didn't help out too much.

I'm starting to feel sad that no one is able to help Hermione sort through her thoughts and that Molly was too distracted to really pay her much attention. I like the journey this story is on though. As a new-ish parent I can understand that it's hard to give advice with a baby around but I wish they'd been able to offer some help.

Hmm, do you by chance ship Drarry or is Harry's distraction something else?

I am not surprised Dean and Seamus didn't have much help to offer, they don't seem very in tune with relationships.

:( It's disappointing that Arthur would be more caught up with work than his future daughter in law.

Okay, you're definitely shipping Drarry in the background :P

In the end, I'm glad she finally talked with Ron. that's who she really needed to settle with. it's sad that they're settling but at least it's mutual.

I do think a few of the sections would be nice with a few lines of dialogue from Hermione's interactions with the people whose opinions she sought. It would give her interactions more depth and the story more substance.

I am really intrigued by the idea you have here though!


Author's Response: Hello Rose!

Thank you for your review.

Okay so... Thanks for pointing that out, I didn't even really notice that's how readers were reading it. I meant it in more of a "oh advice is boring no matter who it's from, even my advice is boring" kind of way.

I wanted Luna in to have that whimsical opinion and the real insight, sometimes you don't get it right away, but it's really helpful!

Really I needed to have everyone be busy, or distracted, or have really bad advice. Because... HERMIONE NEEDS TO FIGURE OUT SHE LOVES RON HERSELF, and that's the main plot point in the story.

My relationship with Drarry is very very hard and long to explain, but I'll give you a quick tidbit: I don't really ship it, but I do. Does that make sense? Basically if it has anything to do with in the books or movies I will straight up REFUSE to ship it, and I also hate edits, and by no means do I ship Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton together. Occasionally I read it and I like to include it in my stories because it's good to know how to write about things you hate... That was longer then I expected it to be.

Yeah, I wanted Dean and Seamus to seem like noobs to relationships, even though they have dated a couple of people.

It is disappointing, but like I said, Hermione really needed to find out herself that she was in love with Ron.

This is my first story with no dialogue! I just like to mix up how I write, and try to have my style be really versatile. I'm lacking in era/ship changes right now, but I'm doing good with things like dialogue/no dialogue, 1st person, next story's 3rd person, oh let's add some 2nd person just to be interesting, I'm going to make this whole story dialogue! That type of thing, so I'm sorry you had to read this one.

That is the one thing I had planned from the beginning (I wrote this for a banner in the UFG section at TDA, so I didn't want to waste any time I had to write). Hermione and Ron would talk, and the story would end happily!

Thank you for stopping by and R&Ring this story. I appreciate it! Wherever you are in the world have an awesome day!


P.S. Congratulations on being a new mom, I wish you the best of luck!

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Review #5, by toomanycurlsGoodbye, James: Sirius

27th June 2016:
This chapter gutted me less than the first but it was still really powerful. I really like that you've decided to look at his goodbye after the escape from Azkaban instead of right after James' death. I've seen a lot of raw, coping with death fics for Sirius re James but this is very unique. It makes sense that grief would wait to truly find him until he has freedom -- especially as freedom to feel would have been key.

The flood of missed memories was hard but I'm glad he didn't just rethink old school memories (again, another way you've made this so unique from other grief stories with Sirius). Thinking through the future they lost shows that Sirius has matured and that he not only lost the opportunity to do fun adult things with his best friend, he lost hte opportunity to do them at all.

I felt his trick on Snape was the perfect way to express grief for James and a perfect nod to their school-age pranks on Snape. It was also a great touch to have Snape in Godric's Hollow still nursing his grief for Lily.

I didn't pay attention to whether this is complete but I hope you have more to come for this.


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Review #6, by toomanycurlsGoodbye, James: Lily

25th June 2016:
It's 2 am, Matthew and Julian are in bed and I'm here sobbing over Jily feels. Thanks, Beth. Thanks.

As a mom and a wife I related to this so hard. It's unbelievable how well you captured Lily's love for James (except that it isn't because it's you writing). Even her looking back at his annoying streak through school rang with their love. It kills me a little when she realizes she has a bit of James in Harry. Of course she'd realize that and try even harder to save her son. :'(

As I'm kind of morbid I've thought about the difficulty of explaining a family member who has passed away to one who wasn't alive during their life (or was too young to know them). I can't imagine doing someone justice in the span of a 40+ year run with the younger person let alone minutes. (Now I'm crying again.) Lily doesn't have time to say or think everything but what she does express is so essentially James and it's perfect.

Thank you for this!

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Review #7, by toomanycurlsRise of the Phoenix: The Gathering Storm

8th February 2016:
This is a very exciting first chapter! I like how it cold started with the characters talking and didn't detour with background exposition. The expository passages you included were subtle and flowed with the story so it wasn't a jarring switch.

Usually I have a hard time getting into long first chapters with OCs but this flowed so well and was interesting without having known characters. It felt like the beginning of a good mystery. I'm not sure if that's a theme for the whole story but the intrigue pulled me in quite effectively.

Aurora and Theo instantly struck me as interesting and complex characters - I think that's because you started with them in the middle of a conversation. The only thing that threw me off of that I couldn't figure out how Theo and Aurora knew each other or why they're traveling together. They didn't seem romantically involved (at least Theo's surprise at the scar seemed off if they're involved) but they seem closer than coworkers. Yet again, Aurora doesn't really confide her suspicions about her brother's death either.

I like that Aurora is trying to dig into her brother's death. I am curious if he sent a code in those letters. Her detective actions are a fitting form of grief given her job as a curse breaker.

The werewolf attack has me spinning with (good) questions. Specifically if they are there because of Aurora or just to raise havoc. It seems like long odds that they'd be there by coincidence.

Very good first chapter!

Author's Response: Hi there,

Thank you for the kind words. Looking to review a couple further chapters of barbs at the tail this week. It was a pleasure swapping.


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Review #8, by toomanycurlsedges: and we will stumble through heaven

6th February 2016:
It's hard to review something so well done. I've read (and written) a lot of wolfstar and this satisfies everything I need from one. There's angst, tenuous feelings, flighty emotions, love, sexy time, everything. And it left me broken at the end.

I love the image of them both being broken and monsters is fantastic. Remus feeling that way about himself makes sense. Sirius seeing himself like that is so much sadder for me but also makes sense.

Sirius with his hair in a bun sounds yummy. I asked Mr Curls if he'd do one but... No. :(

Yumminess aside, I loved the contrast between Remus and Sirius' fighting style/attitude. Sirius reminds me of someone who just has a natural talent about things and doesn't have to try hard.

I really loved seeing Sirius tenderly caring for Remus before the full moon. The details you added about him not experiencing someone wiping away tears for him hit he hard. You did such a great job showing how some people are broken by family and others by nature. In another family, Sirius would have been whole. If not for the wolf, Remus would be whole too. I wonder if they work together when they're not broken.

Their first flats reminded me of the first place I rented on my own. Remus' observation about his bitterness revealing his flaws was so true too.

I'm not at all surprised that it took Sirius longer to forgive himself for using Remus as bait in a joke. You put it beautifully with him having edges.

The tone and language you used in this was terrific at driving the emotions. I felt like the nonlinear story fit with the idea of edges. If you walk the perimeter of something you'll see a fragmented picture.

Really awesome story!


Author's Response: Hey Rose! Sorry it took me such a long time to respond to this D: I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading this, especially since I know (like you mentioned) that you read and write a lot of Wolfstar. Also, that you thought the nonlinear aspect worked with the story.

Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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Review #9, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Home

31st December 2015:
The dog's perspective is really cute and I'm sad he was abandoned. :( it's good Ron was able to help and leave the dog some food.

Ron's side of things answered my lingering questions. It's weird that his family pushed him and Hermione back together when they were younger but I'm glad they had some good years between them before things regressed. The tea guy's interest in Ron seemed unusual - or the amount of detail Ron shared felt like too much.

Nice dramatic ending

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Review #10, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Revelations

31st December 2015:
It's quite interesting to catch up with Hugo after his attack. I was relieved to see that he cared about his family more than was let on in other chapters. Slughorn did seem a bit random as did his wealth of information about lestrange. It would be nice to have the key plot info be spread out a bit more through the story. It's all a bit lighthearted until it suddenly slows down with all this in depth world building.

I'm really interested in seeing Hugo react to his parents relationship

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Review #11, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: The Fury of the Flaming Fiendfyre

31st December 2015:
Rose and scorpius are interesting in this. I couldn't tell if he's oblivious to her feelings or not interested. I think pulling is the wrong word to use with the flirting but I can't think of the right one at the moment.

Harry is quite aggressive with Hermione but it's interesting to see where she and Ron fell apart. It's so sad that they were that unhappy for decades. Ron really doesn't seem to have matured much.

The action at the end was very nice. I'm not sure fiendfyre responds to spells like it did here but it made for good action. The story certainly hits its stride here

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Review #12, by toomanycurlsCatalyst: Chapter 1

30th December 2015:
lsadlkfwenl! alsdjflaskdjfklsdj!

Where has this been all my life? I have more love for this than I have articulate words to talk about it but I'll try.

Drunk Sirius = adorbs. It makes me laugh and kind of want to cry that he can't talk about his feels wtihout some liquid courage.

Oblivious Remus = oh so remus. Naturally he wouldn't catch what Sirius was going on about until the snogging. :P And then he just went with it!! I loved that. Thank you for not making him perpetually stubborn when it comes to accepting love.

SNILY! omg. it was such a casual bomb. snape/lily, nbd. And Lily/James friendship without him being creepily persistent. Do you have more stories with all of this as canon? pls?

in conclusion, love, love, love. please write more.

Author's Response: Hahaha yay!! I'm so happy that you loved this so much because you're so awesome!! I need to write more drunken Sirius around Remus it's a lot of fun to write :D

For someone so confident when it comes to Remus he's so shy haha.

Remus really had no clue what was going on, bless him, he's a cute little cinnamon roll and needs pats on the top of the head for being so adorbs.

YES!!! SNILY! I bet noone ever saw that coming! Mwahahahaha I am going to write more stories of this canon one day and dedicate them all to you!

Thank you so much Rose! I'm on top of the world because of this review :D

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Review #13, by toomanycurlsChristmas Magic: The Family Name

23rd December 2015:

Sorry for taking so long. Babies are hard to schedule around.

I really like the theme in this - family, dealing with Potter Privledge, and coming home. I was surprised how much James was impacted when he learned that people favored him because he's vicariously famous. I guess mainly I thought that he'd figure that out earlier in life if it was that big of a deal. Going off for a few years seemed like quite the reaction though. I'm curious if he didn't contact his family at all in those years because that's kind of what Albus' reaction led me to believe. You did a great job showing how Albus and James get along very well and are/were very close. The baby brother exchange made me laugh, mainly because Al asked not to be called his baby brother but didn't comment on the virgin part. Dunno, I thought it showed some of Al's character in a humorous way. The trunk purchasing flashback felt very fitting for a story focused on the travel James did - his trunk was a companion of sorts on all his adventures so it's nice he put thought into picking it out.

I would have liked to get more info on how the family reacted to James taking off. I mean, Harry would have put some resources into making sure James was okay, right? I was also a bit unsure until the flashback who the MC was for this which was just a touch longer than I like to not be sure.

Really good chapter!!


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Review #14, by toomanycurlsYour Hand: Your Hand

11th December 2015:
You're breaking my heart! I'm not sure if I want to think Lavender is dead and that's why they won't confess their love or if she's alive and their relationship kept platonic for other reasons. I feel like there's still hope for them with the way the story started but at the end it's all misery and desolation. Love how this made me feel.

Author's Response: Hey Rose,

Thank you so much for stopping by with a review when I needed it (and apologies for waiting so long to respond)

I suppose I may not have made Lavender's state entirely clear. The idea is that she is in a coma-like state, which is my head canon because I refuse to acknowledge that she died in the battle.

Haha, I love that you move how hope turned to misery and desolation makes you feel.

Much love!


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Review #15, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Broken Bonds

17th September 2015:
This is a slight carry over from a comment I made on a previous chapter about Hugo calling a relationship with Loriette incest - but - if he genuinely felt that it was incest he wouldn't change his mind overnight and accept his feelings for her (or if he did it would be very, very creepy).

I felt bad that no one listened to Arthur's call but his way of getting them to listen/come was amusing. :) That sounded like a long ways to walk, I hope there was stuff to see on the way. It does seem a bit inconsistent for Hugo to be as oblivious as Ron but then pick up on Molly's tone/look when she talks about Harry spending time with Ron and Hermione.

The Harry and Ron discussion and then fight was one of the most enjoyable scenes of this story so far from a characterization and plot development perspective. It's nice to see Ron's issues and motivations although, I feel some of his hurt feelings and pent up anger would have come up at some point before now. It was a lot to hold in and not express or let taint his relationships with other people. He has such a chip on his shoulder that I feel would have been resolved effectively by talking about this stuff 5-10 years previously. I mostly feel bad for him having internalized so much bitter feeling and hatred. It's nice to see Harry defend Hermione but it's another area where I feel that two best friends would have leveled on Ron's feelings about Hermione before now. Having Hermione cast a protego charm between them feels a bit too reminiscant of Deathly Hallows (from a plot/action perspective) but it's probably for the best that she stepped in. It also feels a bit too DH-like to have Ron run off after a fight but I'm sure it'll result in something interesting come future chapters.

Hugo's POV section in the end was one of the better done sections for him in quite a while. He went past just being a sarcastic, bitter kid and felt like he gave more depth to the narration than his negative feelings and viewpoints on his family. Audrey seemed quite annoying but everyone probably has an annoying aunt. I didn't quite get what pushed Hugo to fight with Louis over Loriette liking one more than the other. It's a bit more machismo than I'd expect to see from Hugo. I feel bad that Loriette doesn't like him in the same way (or perhaps that she's beguiled by Louis' 1/4 veela heritage) but he's so aggressively angry with Louis that it doesn't seem like anything good will come from it. At least I can't see Loriette being impressed by the violence he shows or thinking that angry outburts are a winning characteristic.

The dementer attack had a nice bit of action to it. From the books, I was under the impression that only the patronus charm could make them go away or have any impact on them. Either way, the action was nicely done. Hugo seems quite well practiced using magic in a hostile situation, more so than I'd expect at his age and assuming he hasn't gone through what his dad and uncle did in school.

I did expect Hugo to live through a bad memory, even if he was using magic to fight off the dementers, before he faded to black. I guess there was the Louis/Loriette moment he saw before fighting them.

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Review #16, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: The Dementor Attack

17th September 2015:
I really enjoyed Louis' POV - the narrative was very well paced, included a nice amount of descriptions, and didn't feel rushed. I was a bit worried that Hugo would find out his cousin also likes Loriette but Louis seems much more at ease talking to Loriette at least. It's hard to tell Loriette's opinion on the two guys but she seemed content to spend time with Louis. I'm quite curious what Loriette was going to say before Hugo interrupted - maybe that she didn't think they should kiss, maybe something else?

Louis' impression of Hugo, being oblivious about relationships - just like his dad, felt a bit forced. Calling a family-like person (who is clearly not seen as family) incest doesn't come across very well. Even if she "feels like family" it's very awkward for them to refer to it as incest, especially if that feeling is just in Hugo's mind (which Louis later says). It's also a bit clunky to have Louis say Hugo has the emotional range of a teaspoon - it's a very specific phrase used in the book's to describe Ron so it doesn't seem natural (linguistically) for Hugo's cousin to use that exact phrase to describe him. It crosses the line between paying homage to JKR and just replicating her phrases.

Molly's dementor experience was interesting. Her sorting doesn't seem like it'd be the most emotionally traumatic moment but you do give enough detail that I can understand why it was upsetting. I was a bit confused that the memory was a mix of first and third person retelling (at least it doesn't follow that Molly would have the details of conversations happening at the tables while she was being sorted). It would flow better to keep the narrativefor the memory first person like the rest of the chapter/section. It was strange that Molly was the only one to feel the dementor - even if she was hte only one attacked, usually a dementor will cause people to feel unpleasant and other magical people should have been able to see it. I didn't get the impression that Molly was entirely alone through the ordeal either.

It was nice to see that Harry and Ginny have a happy relationship but his section felt stunted in terms of length and narrative signifigance. It's nice to see he's going to confront Ron and Hermione about their divorce but without more going on for him there it read like smething that was crammed into the chapter to build up tension for chapters to come.

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Review #17, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Weasley Partying!

16th September 2015:
I'm kind of at a loss with this chapter. There are some good points to it and some not so good points.

The sneaking into the club was funny and a nice use of the invisibility cloak (but it does seem like an item that would have been useful while evading the police and I'm a bit perplexed as to why James didn't bring it out then). Fred's preoccupation with his butt was funny and made sense - I'm a bit surprised he didn't need more medical attention after losing so much blood. Reparo can restore an item to its origanal state (such as a shattered bowl becoming whole) but it does not restore liquid/contents (like the essense of murtlap not returning to the shattered bowl).

Hugo's struggles being short, young, and not very experienced in the club felt rather authentic. I wasn't sure what you meant by Hugo not knowing how to "pull birds" - if it's a British phrase I'm not aware of it. Do you mean attract birds? I had a laugh at Hugo's intro of "I'm English" because that'd probably be obvious by his accent.

That brings me to the problematic part of the chapter. The whole mistaken sex of a transgender person thing is a rather common trope. I understood Hugo's reaction but I found this line extremely distasteful "Darling come back! Lets go to my place! I have candy!" It paints the transgender person as a sexual predator. A more common reaction (and trans positive) from a transgender person might be "your loss" followed by them going on to dance with someone else. The reaction transgender person makes it out that they're more interested in noncensensual interaction than just having a good time with someone who wants to dance with them. Besides it being a jarring interaction, it felt random with the flow of the rest of the chapter.

I am glad that Hugo ran into (while quite briefly) people he felt safe with. I find it interesting that they all seem to know so much about Snape. I suppose there were books written about the war and his part in it would have been a point of focus but it seemsa bit odd that all of them would recognize Snape (or his look alike) on sight and know all these facts about him.

In Dom's section, I was a bit confused about the chronological order this happened in. Is it meant to by right after Hugo's section or during it? The boy she momentarily mistakes for Teddy is interesting. I do feel bad that her 1/4 Veela ancestory has such a strong bearing on her life. The guy (Daniel, I suppose) seemed a bit harmless and ridiculous until he got really creepy. I do think Dom needs to get a grip and/or go to therapy for her Teddy obsession. Unless it's going to turn into a thriller where she kills him out of unrequited love - that kind of seems to be the kind of affection she has for him.

Everytime Molly shows up in Hugo's section she seems annoying but I didn't expect her to seem annoying from her own perspective too. She and Lily seem like two over-excited, very dramatic girls without much more to them. It was a bit weird for Molly to be self aware of her annoying behavior too. No one wants to be annoying so I would imagine if she thought that about herself, she'd try to not be so annoying. The dementors were a surprise but it felt very random to happen at a moment's notice. Besides the dementors showing up, not much else of importance seemed to happen in Molly's section. The conversation Lily and Molly have just rehashes information Hugo already gave us and it's a rather short part of the overall chapter. Maybe if more happened before the dementor attack it wouldn't seem like a sideways section.

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Review #18, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: The Wizard Ninja

16th September 2015:
For consistency, if you're going to have multiple POVs, each narrative section (including the start of the chapter) should indicate who is narrating. It's clear after a few lines but it's still clunky to figure out.

I didn't quite get why Rose didn't go with Hugo and James... just too shocked to move? It seemed a bit of a dramatic build up (that could have been easily resolved) with them trying to figure out how to help Fred when Rose would have likely known how to help him out. Hugo's sarcastic/comedic narration doesn't fit well with the seriousness of the situation. He just seems annoyed with the situation rather than worried.

Teddy's section didn't seem to have a purpose other than to break up the action in Hugo's section. Was the duck thing supposed to be a parallel for Dom and Victoire liking Teddy? Victoire's attitude towards Teddy is a bit ponderous. She doesn't seem to appreciate his willingness to bend to her desires and constantly referring to him as a wuss doesn't seem like it was make Teddy feel great about himself. If Teddy's section is at the same time as Hugo's then they definitely seem to be running late for their return to the hotel.

The second part of Hugo's section felt more dramatic but it was a bit heavy on dialogue - some description would have helped convey the drama and made it clearly not the same type of narration Hugo usually gives. I was surprised the police didn't come sooner, assuming the library has some sort of security.

You do need to cite the "or worse expelled line" as it is a direct quote from Philospher's Stone.

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Review #19, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: Family Quidditch and The Lovegood's Nargle Dance

14th September 2015:
I really like the opening line about reminiscing but then the narrative kind of lurches because Hugo doesn't reminisce and the story clambers on with their wandering through Amsterdam. I do kind of wander how far off the beaten path they are to be in an area that is so poorly lit they can't get by without the use of wands and the deluminator. Most major cities I've visited keep their downtown lit well enough.

The flashback with Ron giving Hugo the deluminator is nice. It is awkward wording to say he left it to Hugo as that is a phrase one usually hears about items given through a will after the original owner died. This is a little outside the narrative but I noticed a few times that Hugo is described as having brown hair in the story but your banner (which I believe features Hugo) shows a red haired boy.

I guess Rose smacking people is her thing but it feels a bit overplayed in this chapter. She seems like she has a short fuse and no sense of humor but there isn't much more to her than hitting people.

Their mini quest for wifi was amusing and Fred's splinching was also done nicely for a part comedy, part drama narrative. It's a serious situation because of what happened but Hugo's recounting of it does provide a nice dry humor.

I've forgotten how old Dom is - I believe you have her as under 14 which would put Teddy and Victoire 8-10 years older than her (my math might be wrong but Teddy is 6 years older than James, 7-8 years older than Albus. Albus and James are older teens in this story and the narrative has painted Dom as a younger teen than the James and Albus). It really doesn't seem realistic for her to seriously believe Teddy would be interested in her (if he were, it would be against the site rules). I even find myself identifying with Victoire not seeing Teddy as a boy (I mean, she's known him her entire life) and slowly growing into her feelings for him. I guess there isn't much about Dom's complaining that pulls on my sympathies - she just comes off as selfish, short-sighted, and immature.

In the getting in the club bit, it does seem like Dom is 16 or so, which displaces James and Albus' ages that are stated in the story. Earlier Dom says she was 8 in the Epilogue (so Albus was 11). Albus is not yet 17 so Dom could only be 14. I know she's lying when she says she's 18 but other things in the narrative make Dom sound much older than 12 (with the "I've been dealing with guys like that since I was 12" comment, making it sound like something she's adjusted to over many years). I know there's more going on than Dom's age but it's kind of distracting to have the characters' ages float about.

The ending for Dom's section had a nice buzz of humor to it though overall I didn't get a clear sense of action in her narrative.

The quidditch and following fight scene were my favorite in this chapter. I liked the action and quips that were going on and that all the adults were playing. I do think it'd help to explain where they're playing quidditch as a crowded downtown area doesn't seem likely to have a quidditch pitch handy for them. Ron and Hermione's fighting didn't seem to faze anyone there so I'm not sure why them talking about a divorce would either. At least I would encourage someone who had such a rocky relationship to fix or leave what they had. Their arguments do seem a bit immature for their age and time elapsed as a married couple but I suppose they could have regressed into a more immature style fighting after a point.

About the narrative changes, I am not a fan of first person narratives that switch narrators mid-chapter. I do appreciate that you clearly delineated who was narrating and gave each person a sizable chunk of the chapter. I think the splinching cliffhanger was the only one that hit me as a real cliffhanger - the other two didn't have the same dramatic "what is about to happen" feel. I mean, finding out about a divorce is important and will play out through the story and discovering Snape still alive is important but neither have an immediate consequence which I think of as necessary for the cliffhanger feel.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review!

I agree that Hugo didn't really reminisce but I don't really think that's a problem. You can put 2 and 2 together really, 24 hours ago he probably was at home, doing nothing of maybe playing quidditch with some friends. I wanted to get the feel of them excitedly roaming the streets of Amsterdam quickly, instead of wandering into what he did 24 hours ago too much -- its not really important or interesting anyway.

About the street being poorly lit, I agree that it's unusual for a big city, and that's why you can assume the power went out for some reason that day -- a technical malfunction.

I'm not a native speaker, I had no clue it was awkward wording the way I wrote that Ron left his Deluminator to Hugo, sorry. How should I have written it? The banner is my mistake as well, I made it myself ghehe and I couldn't find a dark haired Hugo to use that fit.

I don't understand what you're on about regarding Rose -- up until this point, she only hit someone twice? There's a lot more to her than "just hitting people". Remember, this is only ch4.

Dom is 16, its literally said in the chapter. I'm not completely informed on their canon age differences, but in this story Dom, Al, Rose,James are all 16. Al only just became 16 though and James becomes 17 in a few days. Harry couldn't keep it in his pants :D

Whether its realistic or not if Teddy would like Dom is not really the point. She just has a huge crush on him and is slightly blinded by it. Of course she thinks Teddy belongs with her, because she's in love with him! She's not gonna properly weigh off all the logistics. It's too bad you don't feel any sympathy for her, but everyone is different so its understandable. Maybe if you were 16 again, you'd understand her better :p I hope the ages don't distract you too much. I'd advice you to not think about it too much -- I didn't write in anything TOO crazy..

It IS explained where they're playing haha! You read over it. They were playing on a miniature quidditch field and used a shrink spell on themselves.

I'm flabbergasted by your point regarding that you don't understand why Harry is upset by them getting a divorce. Fighting is one thing, wanting a divorce, after years upon years of marriage, is something else entirely. It was very sudden as well. Wouldn't you be 'fazed' if your best friend who was married for years suddenly would want a divorce?

Ron and Hermione have always had immature arguments in their fights, that's just who they are. But their actual arguments for divorcing weren't really revealed here, those'll be revealed later.

I also disagree with you on the cliffhangers not having an immediate effect on the narrative. Harry now knows his best friends are going to get divorced -- knowing Harry, you think he'd wait a week before bringing it up during coffee? No, he's going to take INMEDIATE action. Also, the Snape thing. You think any of the kids will just let it slide that they just saw a living person who should have died decades ago? No, they're going to take INMEDIATE action. Its too bad they didn't feel as adequate cliffhangers to you though, that was what I was going for.

Thanks for the review! You always point out things no one else has mentioned, very helpful and entertaining! And they're incredibly detailed as well!


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Review #20, by toomanycurlsCan I Have This Dance: Can I Have This Dance

11th September 2015:
I definitely got the same vibe from watching the movie and I like how you put Harry and Hermione together here!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for these kind words. I know watching that scene is pure torture on my nerves, this is kind of reprieve from that ;) Thanks again and take care.

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Review #21, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: The City of Nargles

10th August 2015:

Your reviewing spree reminded me to come back and keep up on your story. In this chapter some of your characterizations were a bit weak with the teenaged girls all seeming to have the same personalities (especially in the beginning with the diary stuff). Lucy's fit about forgetting her diary was kind of odd in the last chapter but having the almost same thing happen with Molly's diary on the plane was a bit repetitive. I get feeling hurt because Teddy was able to retrieve one diary but not the other but I'd expect some of the adults to tell her to get over it and stop crying on the plane (especially as an older teenager).

I'm not sure that Schiphol would be difficult for someone to pronounce. At least Schi and ski make the same sounds in English.

It made sense for Molly to want to bring her clock - you have her still quite protective of the family which I could see (though it makes me a bit sad she hasn't gotten past the trauma of the second wizarding war better). So, I get what you mean by Rox being fond of Hugo but having an actual crush on him is a bit against the site rules. While I don't think you mean for her to have romantic feelings, just that he's her favorite cousin (?) - it really should be toned down into her favoring him rather than having a crush on him. It's a subtle difference betweent he two ideas but one negates any romantic overatures.

After reading Hugo's thoughts on everyone he could possibly be paired with for sharing a room, he doesn't seem to like anyone in his family very much. Overall he makes for a rather negative narrator. I suppose his commentary could be taken for humor but it strikes me as rather sarcastic and negative.

I liked seeing everyone together for the meal but the adults seem kind of stuck like they were at the end of the HP series. Ron hasn't learned table manners and Hermione hasn't really accepted or learned to ignore that annoying habit (in relationships people either get over or get the other person to stop whatever it is that irks them. for them to be married for so long and her to be easily annoyed by that still makes me feel that they really haven't done much growth as a pair).

This is more of a continuity thing but Hugo leaves the table with Dom et al where Harry and Ron are in a deep discussion and make their way to the living room where Harry and others are playing charades. Unless they detoured somewhere for a while, it doesn't flow well for Harry to be in both places immersed in two quite different activities.

It is nice to see them try to wheedle their way into a few hours on their own in the new country. I'm not sure why Molly is so reluctant to let them leave (or why it isn't up to their parents to decide). Teddy is about 24 here so I think he's certainly old enough to be responsible for the kids.

There were a few grammar things that popped out while reading this.

Ofcourse is two words.
There are a few instances where you have 's instead of s to make a word plural.

I felt as if this chapter and the previous one could be a combined chapter. At the end of this chapter I feel as if something interesting is about to happen (or I hope so wtih a group that large venturing out into a foriegn country).


Author's Response: Thanks for the detailed review! I like how you often bring up things in your review no one else has ever mentioned!

I don't really understand what was odd about Lucy losing her diary? She's 12 years old and slightly spoiled, just like her sister Molly. And Molly losing her diary as well was actually important for underlying things that bloom further in the story. I'm sorry it felt repetive to you -- I promise no one will ever lose his/her diary in this story again!

As a Dutch guy, I've found that foreign people nearly always have trouble pronouncing Schiphol properly. You see, the correct way to pronounce it is actually in a way you're probably not familiar with, 'Sgiphol' but the 'g' is made in the back of your mouth. Sorry, its difficult to explain. Its a Dutch thing. Words like 'Schaar'(Scissor) or 'Schuilen'(Hiding) are pronounced the same way.

I don't see how Roxie having a crush on Hugo is against the rules? Its not a serious romantical crush, obviously. She's barely 10. She doesn't even fully understand what 'a relationship is and the feelings are anything but mutual.

About Hugo's commentary: He does like his family, its just that he's really a sarcastic jerk. He likes to complain about his family, but really he's very similar. You'll find later in the story (as soon as chapter 5, I believe) that he cares deeply for all of them.

Besides this, I think his sarcasm is mostly a 'hate it or love it' kind of thing. You'll discover quite soon that this story is written through several Pov's so maybe you'll like the other characters better ?

The family members are the same as in the end of HP 7 because that's just their personality. Do you really think there would ever come a day were Ron eats all properly and behavedly? That just wouldn't be Ron, imo. Besides, things like that is why many people (including me) love him. Changing these characters like you imply I could have done would result in a lot of people finding them ooc, I reckon. And it would just be less fun if they didn't have the strong personalities we like em for :p

As you'll find if you read on, you deem Teddy responsible enough to care for these kids, but you haven't met my Wotters properly yet if you think that ;p You have no idea what kind of trouble they easily get themselves into.

And finally: The charades/table scene. You got me there, the transition should've been more smoothly. No space left to explain :/ But thanks for the review! Love the criticism!:D

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Review #22, by toomanycurlsAreopagitica: Affiche Rouge

30th July 2015:
Hi Stefanie!!

I'm here for the next chapter and wow. After reading such a sweet and touching prologue, this was very, very emotional (but in a completely different way than the last chapter. Of course they're writing lies about Kingsley and probably the rest of the Order - it makes perfect sense to do during a war.

I love Ginny x a large number for her behavior and winced as buttface, I mean Amycus hit and then tortured her. :( This stuff was in the background of DH but you've made it so real to me now. They weren't on the run camping in the woods but the kids at Hogwarts really were heroes for standing up to Amycus and Alecto. Poor McG, watching her students be treated like that too. Madame Pomfrey's reaction was the saddest to me, mainly because her job is to protect kids and heal them.

It was really nice to see Luna and Neville take care of Ginny and !!! we got to see what the objects were for!! I'm so glad it's a way to communicate with them and let them know what's really going on out there. I'm curious about his sources (mainly if that's what gets him into trouble).

Ah! Their idea to spread the right news around is awesome!! I can just imagine the way the halls would look wtih posters and grafitti. I love them.

:-o this is where they go into hiding, isn't it??!?!! McG is tough stuff here. I hate hte position she's in but love her moment of defiance against them.

I'm so excited to see more of this.


Author's Response: Hello Rose!

Thanks so much for the review!

I'm so happy you like the next chapter! I've been quite insecure about it for whatever reason.

The kids at Hogwarts are definitely heroes in my eyes. They're sort of forgotten heroes, I think, but so important to the effort.

I hope you read more when I finally write something :)


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Review #23, by toomanycurlsAreopagitica: Prologue

30th July 2015:
Hi Stefanie!!

I think I validated this chapter and I remember being curious about your story when I first saw this. The weekly packages are clearly more than the items appear to be - based on Ernie's reaction at least. I could see Luna and Xeno having some weird gift passing of objects that were purely sentimental.

It's lovely to think they're giving the students something to inspire hope during this year at Hogwarts - or something to help them fight.

Each section has a lovely and unique feel to it. You do a great job capturing the three perspectives in this chapter without making them sound the same.

The care that Xeno puts into each package really tugged at my heartstrings. I think in part because I was close to my dad like Luna is to hers (less cray cray with the ideas though) so it's easy for me to get father/daughter feels. I just also think it's a more normal expression of affection between them than we usually see which is lovely as well.

Thanks for doing a BvB swap with me - I'm excited for the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hello Rose!

Thanks so much for the review and for being the bestest validator ever! The work you do for this site is just amazing :)

Xeno and Luna really tug at my heartstrings too. I know we're meant to see him as a selfish old man who sold out Harry Potter, but he just loves his daughter so much, how can you fault him? Luna's all he's got left in the whole world. I just think they've got such a beautiful, lovely relationship.

Thanks again for the lovely review Rose!


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Review #24, by toomanycurlsA Weasley Vacation: On Their Way

29th July 2015:
Hi Alec!!

I'm here for our review swap.

I was surprised by the reactions to Amsterdam. At least in US culture it's hyped to be a really cool place to visit because of the history and liberal laws (let's just say James nailed it). It also stood out to me as stranged that Albus would know how far of a plane ride it is to Amsterdam. I travel a bit (3-4 times per year on average) and I still have a tough time guessing the flight time to various places (unless I've flown there a handful of times). Now, if they were just visiting the Holland countryside, I'd be with them 100%. It's pretty (I've heard) but maybe not as exciting as the city.

The no magic rule makes sense and it'll be interesting to see how long that lasts.

I feel as if they'll find more differences than Hugo is thinking of going to Holland - at least when I go to Canada (which is closeby) I always noticed cultural differences. I'm not sure if he's being shortsighted or just doesn't know.

Hugo's conversation with Loriette is very cute and it's nice to see that she is also fascinated by Nargles. I'm kind of surprised there wasn't a reaction to Louis calling Loriette a name - unless he said it just loud enough for Hugo to hear. His inner-dialogue about James being Aristotle was amusing.

I felt like there could be more about them getting into and through the airport. Mainly what sort of muggle ID they'd need to travel. I also assume that the technology used in airports would be fascinating to them (luggage conveyor belts, x-rays/metal detectors, etc.). I can't blame Hugo for feeling a bit overwhelmed with his family already - that's a large group to be travelling with. i'm remined a bit of the travelling scenes from Home Alone. :)

There were a few weird phrases that I thought I'd point out:
- diary's should be diarys
-Scorpius the git would read better as a title with it written as Scorpius-the-git
-ensemble should be assemble
-pathetic begging tone is a bit harsh but whether you change it or not, pathetic and begging shold have a comma (which you should almost always do with two adjectives in a row)

Overall this chapter is rather enjoyable and you did a great job keeping up each person's characterization. It did feel a bit rushed considering how much happened that would have been interesting to talk about.


Author's Response: Hey!

Yeah well for us Dutch/English people it can be different. For an English person, I think you'll agree it's understandable to get sick of the awful weather there. You hope to go to somewhere completely different & exciting, but nope: you end up going to nearly the same place.

Most English/Dutch people I've found actually know the flight time between their countries. I think primarily because they're so close to each other and because its exactly 1 hour.

I agree expanding their journey to Amsterdam could've been more funny but I wanted to keep the pace quick -- I feel like in the earlier chapters, when people aren't very in to your story, they'll have a shorter attention span.

Thanks for the CC! Since I'm still looking for a Beta, its very helpful. I'm sorry the chapter felt rushed to you, I just wanted to keep it fast paced.

Thanks for the multi swap! My review is coming soon!


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Review #25, by toomanycurlsSaving Severus Snape : viii.

28th July 2015:

Yay for some progress in this chapter. If you didn't have some soon I was going to stage a protest :P I really felt for Hermione at her being overwhelmed by the magnitude of her mission and questioning why she'd do it. She really brings up a good point about how they did win but I feel like stopping the second war from ever happening would be such a good thing to have happen. She really is alone there too - I mean, she can't tell Amelia what she's going through or trying to do. *hugs poor Hermione*

I really love Snape here - showing concern for her but also not wanting to admit that he felt concern at the same time. I'm going to want to strangle him at some point, aren't I? Hermione's attitude with him is great - while it'd be fun for them to just fall in love but I do like the angst of two people trying to come together.

Sirius and James cracked me up (at least at first) with their sneaking around under the cloak. I kind of felt like they were a bit tweedle dee and tweedle dum there but it was hilarious. I do wonder how often Snape thought he heard James and Sirius in the past and shrugged it off as his imagination being overactive.

Whyyy is snape so... well, okay, he was just jinxed and that can't put him in a good place but whyyy?!?! does he have to react like him. :( :( Good fighters or not - it's so upsetting that he hit her with sectumsempre (though it seems to not have been intended for her). I was so glad McG got there. I'm also glad Snape used his healing spell thing on her to help out.

their month of detentions should be interesting *waggles eyebrows*


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