AMAZING! Like usual. Seriously-can you do no wrong? What is Scary Mary's secret? I MUST know! It's seriously killing me, I'm in such suspense! How you've managed to turn this light-hearted goofy fic into something completely epic and full of surprises just blows my mind. When I first started reading this I thought it was going to be another cute Sirius/OC one-shot that would be entertaining. But what you've created is quite the story, with interesting plots, original ideas, amazing characters, and loads of humor and a little bit of romance.
The almost-not quite-kiss scene was hilarious! When he said sucker I snorted and was like "that's so Sirius". If you'd had them kiss like that it wouldn't have been in true fashion to your story, but you've taken your sweet assed time developing their romance, so slowly (painfully slowly) but believably so. I've missed Frankenstien! But this chapter was amazing, can't wait to see what happens to Scary Mary/what the hell is going on with her. Please update soon!!!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! Scary Mary's secret may not be as dramatic as you think, but you will discover it very soon. As for the nature of the story, I'm very glad that you aren't annoyed that it's taking a more serious turn- if only slightly so. I was worried that people would be annoyed that it was no longer purely comical. Really, you flatter me far more than I deserve to be flattered, but I'm thrilled you enjoy the story so.
I'm glad you liked that scene, as well! I was worried it would just annoy people. I knew that it would be very out of character for any sort of kiss to actually take place, but I thought it was high time for a tiny bit of romantic development... if you can call it that. Anyway, Frankenstein will, of course, return- and we will see a few new characters emerge, as well. Or, rather, previously mentioned characters will be developed further. I'm so happy you liked the chapter, and I will get to work on the next as soon as possible.
-Lizzy Report Review
Oh my gosh! Okay so I've been saving this chapter to read and I'm freakinnng out. Chaos has ensued. You are a fucking genius my dear (excuse the language but it was completely necessary and you obviously have no qualms about swearing given your selective words in this story :P ).
You're brilliant. Honestly and truly. Just when I think you can't top yourself, YOU HAVE. I want to tap inside of your brain. I've read a lot of marauder stories about taking people down and it usually involves taking down the group as a whole, not just people individually. And for this sole plot-line you are a genius, but then when you add the writing and the characters you get one of the most amazing stories I've ever read (books included). I went on a lot in my previous review about Frizz and her awesomeness as an OC so I shant dwell too much longer on her this time but I love how you're humanizing her more, making her more grounded. In the first few chapters she was zaney and crazy and funny but in the later chapters you've kept that but made her much more human, do you know what I mean?
Speaking of human, I loved the little subtle shout out to Remus and his wolfy-ness. Made me giggle, as did most of the chapter. Oh, and let me say I hate Scary Mary. I felt SO bad for Peter, and to make someone feel BAD for Peter freaking Pettigrew is quite amazing. But Scary Mary is a bitch and I hope she goes down in flames. Anyway, I've taken too much time writing this review (but I had to go on) and want to get to the next chapter!!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review! Also, I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I adore your username.
Anyway, you're making me blush. It's positive reviews like this that keep me writing! I'm glad you like how they're taking them down one at a time, as I was afraid it would make the story too drawn-out. But a big point of this story is to show that everyone has flaws, and so this was the way I thought would be easiest to show that. As for Frizz, I'm glad you like how she's developing. Honestly, my characters, once created, are out of my hands. They become their own entities and do as they will. I suppose she was just sort of crazy in the beginning because there wasn't much for her to do and she kept to herself, but now that she has a purpose in life and people to share it with- well, she's being thrown into all sorts of situations that bring out who she truly is.
Ah, yes. I was hoping no one would scoff at how unrealistic it is for Stud Muffin to take it so lightly. I'm glad you enjoyed it. As for Scary Mary, I got too many reviews saying they actually didn't mind her so much, so I thought I'd bring out her bad side. I hate those marauder era stories that make Peter out to be some really unlikable freak. Because, sure, we know what he turned out to be LATER, but if he was friends with the other three marauders, he can't have been THAT bad in school. Anyway, thank you SO much for all the time you've put into your review. I really, really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy the next chapter as well. I'm working on the fifteenth chapter now, so it should be up soon! Thanks again!
-Lizzy Report Review
Moments! I am so sorry for my absence I have been ridiculously busy and haven't had much down time! I've actually been reading your chapters -like always, too addicted to not stay up to date with this story- but haven't had the time to leave a review like before. But here I am now! I don't know how many chapters I'll be able to review today, but don't worry every single lovely chapter of yours will be reviewed sometime in the next couple week! Haha that's not that great of a promise but it's all I can offer. Anywho, have to re-read these chapters twice so hopefully I can gather everything that I loved about it into this review. Tally-ho!
"But I knew Matt well enough to figure that there was a small, quiet part of his brain that was slowly but surely writing his will." That. Was an awesome sentence. I know it's not one of the more obvious of lines, with large laughs behind them, but what I love about your writing are the subtleties. Some of your sentences are so well-written that I just stare at the words going "If I didn't love this story so much I would hate you because of your talent." Honestly, I'm jealous every time I read one of your chapters and you've come up with an awesome plot idea or something like that, I wish I had your mind sometimes, woman!
Unbreakable vow. I never even thought of doing something like that for when an OC finds out about Remus's condition! What another brilliant idea of yours. And how true of you to stick to Kylie's character by making sure she still had the reigns on the situation (she's a bit of a control freak, isn't she?). The scene was so...Kylie, which every scene is but in some scenes your grasp on her character shines through much more than others. Did that make sense at all? I feel like I just talked in circles.
As for the Matt/Jaz/Remus dibacle I think why I'm team Jaz/Remus and not team Jaz/Matt is because I can't really see why he likes Jaz so much. I fee like...he doesn't treat her any differently than Kylie and there hasn't been like a moment that's really set it apart for me to be like "Oh, that's why he's in love with her!" Maybe I just haven't caught onto it yet or something, or I've forgotten a moment/line where it describes why he's in love with her. But I'm still team Jaz/Remus...but that could change along the way! Also, I was wondering (before I forget to ask) but how many more chapters are you planning on making this? Are you going to do a sequel or will this story carry on after they graduate? These are the questions that plague me at night :P
Anyway, the last bit was SO adorable! Drawing hearts around a dog? Oh Kylie, you've got it so bad for Sirius. She just needs to come to terms with it already haha. Even thogh in the future chapters she does...ah well, those reviews saved for later! Anyway, another wonderful chapter, like always : )
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Lauren! Welcome back! Long time no see! I was getting worried that you had ~ gasp ~ decided to quit HPFF! But no, you're back, and survived basic training, and reviewing! Thanks so much for stopping by!
I'm glad that you're enjoying the more subtle humorous parts of the story - like you said, not every bit of wit has a large amount of laughter behind it, so sometimes it's harder to pick up on. I'm certianly glad that you don't hate me, and really, don't be jealous - you're stories are absolutely awesome! You don't need my mind to be epic!
Kylie isn't a control freak as much as she is an extremist - instead of just chilling out and letting the boys make her Unbreakable Vow, she has to be the one to make it, or else let it be completely out of her hands. She has to be the one to start the riot, or the one who tries to stop it - she's either one side or the other. Never in the middle. That's what makes her such a hard character to deal with at times; she never goes the way I plan... I guess I'm just a middle kind of person.
The reason you don't remember a line/moment is because there never was a line/moment - not yet, anyway. I guess it's one of those cases where you grow up with someone for six years and one day you look at them and say to yourself, "I'm supposed to marry you." But if you aren't feeling the Matthew Pearl love, don't worry - when the poop hits the fan, everyone's going to be feeling it... at least, I hope so.
I've been pondering having a sequel - if this story goes the way I plan, I may have one, but that is undecided at this point in time. The idea is there, as well as roughly everyone who will be taking place in it, but I still have to let this story have it's time in the spotlight.
Give the girl a little bit of time - she'll find it out eventually.
Thank you so much, once again, and it's great seeing you back! Report Review
I have been reading this story for the past week and I am in LOVE. I've always seen it around this site but never read it because it sounded like the typical love story, girl helps boy seek revenge and in the process they fall hopelessly in love while the point of them getting together is forgotten completely and the revenge plan falls through because they're so wrapped up in each other revenge is no longer important. But I'm so incredibly glad that this is no where near that traditional plot line.
From start to finish this story sets itself apart, from your OC Frizz to your depiction of Sirius. The lack of the other Marauders in this story could've really worked against you and caused eye-rolls from neglecting them but you've made it so that we don't really give a toss about them because Sirius/Frizz are so unbelievably well-paired. Frizz by herself is comically amusing, but when you add Sirius into the mix it's like when Chelsea Handler does stand up she's funny but when you add other comedians paired with her it's even better.
Then we throw in the Slytherin girl (gosh I can't remember her name for the life of me right now...) and...just pure genius. Each character is completely independent and has their own larger than life personalities. There is not a single dull or uninteresting character in the bunch. I've never experienced a story where not only are the characters incredible but the plot lines are equaled to it as well. Also, Frizz's semi love for Sirius is HILARIOUS. Not cliched in the slightest and totally realistic.
I'm dying for the next chapter, I hope it doesn't take a year and a half for the next update!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Wow. I'm blushing. Your review really just made my day. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story so much thus far, and your compliments have just left me overwhelmed. I love long reviews, especially when they actually have something to say. When I sat down to write a Sirius/OC, the first thing I told myself was to make sure it did NOT turn out to be a ridiculous cliche. For, while those are so much fun to write and read sometimes, they are also a bit sickening. Sort of like eating candy for every meal for a week straight. As for my neglect of the other Marauders, I'm glad it worked out for you. That is one of the things I'm trying to fix a bit now. The others will be coming into the story just a bit in the last bit of the chapters. However, the story really does mainly revolve around Frizzy and Sirius. I really appreciate your praise for my characters. I must say that my favourite part of writing is creating the characters. It's like making children, but less painful. I love to know that my work is appreciated.
Anyway, thank you so much for the review. I'll hopefully have the chapter up tonight or tomorrow. Summer break is here at last! Thanks again!
-Lizzy Report Review
HELLO!!! that is me being very excited. Long time no talk! I finally graduated from BMT last week Thursday and this is the first time I've had access to a computer and I had to immediatley catch up on your story! All is well with me, I'm now in Mississippi for tech school (I don't know if you're from the states and know where that is but I thought I should tell you anyway :P) But enough about that onto your always lovely story! :)
I was caught back up in Kylie/Sirius from the opening line once again, i was worried i was going to be detached from them after almost 3 months of seperation (sounds a tad bit dramatic but oh well). This chapter was brilliant, as usual. Kylie's reactions were spot on and what I loved most about this chapter was how you kept Remus as half wolf half human after the transformation. Iv'e never read a story where Remus stayed half in his form and it really fits and would make sense and it was a brilliant detail to put in the story, which is why your story stands above and beyond others.
As for Kylius, was that Sirius asking Kylie out on a date sort of ish? I think so...in his own obscure way. Anyway, this review isn't as long as my other ones but I want to read the next chapters! I've got 5 wonderful chapters to catch up on and I want to get to it and then go to bed!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Hey! Welcome back! Congradulations on making it out of BMT alive! It's a pretty hard program, so you definately deserve props for that!
I'm glad that you aren't suffering from any kind of seperation anxiety or anything, and that they're still relatable! I figured that because everyone always just sort of skipped over the nastier parts of being a werewolf (aside from the fact that you're a werewolf, for pete's sake!) so I thought I would... try to show some other aspects of it as well. Thanks so much!
Of course it was a date(ish) - I've been stringing everyone along for so long now that I may as well throw all of you lovely people a bone! Sleep well, and thanks for writing a review - I shall see you around, my dear! Welcome back once again! Report Review
Hey! So I'm here always on time and not at all flake-y with actually getting around to reading/reviewing :P Yeah...that was sarcasm, because I suck and am a lazy slacker and awful friend at times. Anyway. This chapter was superawesomemegafoxyhot. And in that order.
It was so sad in the beginning I was like aw J (I'm calling her J...it's a nickname of endearment haha) you did a really good job at describing all of her emotions and I loved how Remus went over and comforted her. But she should really tell someone about what happened! Can you imagine keeping that all bottled up inside? Lord, I would explode!
I also LOVED the Transfiguration scene with her and Sirius. It was hilarious. The hydrant and the dog part had me laughing, very clever Danica, very clever indeed! :)
I can't believe she's now having to tote around Ian, that would be way too painful. Loving someone who can't remember you. I hope that he remembers her, he can't not not remember her, otherwise you are made of pure evviil!
Onto the next chappie :)
~LAUREN!!!Author's Response: lauren!!! love ya! miss ya! i'm taking good care of your story. updating like you asked. =D
ahhh! thanks so much for all of the lovely things you said in this review! hope you keep reading when you get back!
~ Danica Report Review
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!! Oh my god this chapter was so unbelievably amazing I can't even get over. Holy crap holy crap holy crap holy crap. I just needed to get that out of my system.holy crap.
Usually when people write about the first time the OC finds out about Remus it's usually through their wicked minds and never experiencing it. But how Kylie found out about it...wow. I was literally holding my breath throughout the last half of this chapter. Your use of descriptions was so incredible it was like the scene was playing out before my eyes like a movie rather than the fact I was actually reading it.
You described Kylie's fear so perfectly, how she used her best assets and irrationality to try and get away from Remus in his werewolf form. When she used the vine to swing and not fall I was like god...she's so freaking bad ass I cannot get over it. And not to mention that that was a perfect played out scene on your part, I could have seen this in a movie. In fact, I think your story could be turned into a movie because it's got all of the perfect elements to it.
As for the beginning with her and Sirius when it started off gentle and how he rubbed her cheek bone and jaw I was like...gah! I died a little from the cutenes of it. And Kylie needs to admit already that she fancies Sirius! This is getting ridiculous its so obvious. And he's in love with her and he needs to admit it as well because they're both being cotton headed ninny muggins and being way too evasive for my liking!
So this chapter was amazing, you are truly a great and talented author and I seriously hope you pursue writing in your future because if you ever publish a book or something along those lines I will be first in line at Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy! I hope you update soon! I'm leaving for basic January 18th so I hope you get a chapter out before that. If, not, I'll be back around early April end of March and be reviewing every chapter you've posted since then. So don't think I've forgotten about this story because it's my favorite story...ever! So I hope you update soon! You rock : )
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
Wow, that's a lot of saintly shit!
Kylie is pleanty smart, so it's not like that wasn't a possibility for her - but I'm kind of with you and got tired of everyone going on about how they just happened to have the wits to figure it out all by themselves. So why not have a hands-on experiance with the little devil instead of all of this happening upon it junk. I'm glad that you saw it and not just read it - it feld like a little bit of a sensory overload when I went over it, so it's a goood thing that you didn't think it was all too much!
Kylie is Kylie, even in the face of extreme danger - and we haven't really experianced her terror before now. Nerves, anxiousness, near-vomiting, yeah, but not actual fear. I knew I had to work it in soon, so this seemed like a natrual place to put it. I wasn't sure if the bit with the vine was overdoing things, so it's good that you didn't think so!
I'm slowly but surely overloading you with Sirius-Kylie moments that will eventually lead up to some kind of wonderful revelation - but not yet. As of now, they shall just have to be cotton headed ninny muggins and wait it out.
In all honesty, if I ever fail to update for a long amount of time and don't blame it on the queue it's because a personal project has gotten in the way of my HPFF muses. I love writing - if I had more time and did it any more often, I would probably have to go to rehab or something. The next chapter is already in the queue, so we hopefully won't have to wait too long!
You'll to great in basic - really, I have faith in you! Just don't let things freak you out - you know what you're doing! Good luck until later, and thank you for signing up to protect our country! Report Review
I love this story! I forgot to leave a review for the first chapter but i'm here reviewing the second. You said there's only 2 more chapters left, right? Well I'll be sad once it's over. You should consider writing a story during their time at Hogwarts! Can't wait for the next update.
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Awww, Thank you! :)
Actually, there is only one chapter left, but i am thinking about a prequel :)
Thanks for the review, Leanne Report Review
Ok so I'm hooked on this story. It's really interesting and depressing but not so much where I feel sad reading it the whole time. I see you haven't updated in a long time though, do you have any plans on updating? If not I'd really like to know what happens in the end. Thanks :)
~LaurenAuthor's Response: I really do have plans for updating, I really, truly do. I am currently very dedicated to another project at the moment, and it sort of takes up all of my writing time, but this story is one that I really want to return to one day. There is something about it that I just can't shake or stop thinking about, so I really don't think I will ever just abandon it completely. Thank you for the review, and I'll do my best! Report Review
Hi I absolutly ADORE this story, I read it all within 2 days, the first one and the sequel. But I actually have a question; in the first story there's a quote from Remus saying "Sirius lost everything a man could lose" I was wondering if this was from the books or if you made it up because I want to use the quote but if it isn't from the books I can't very well use the quote. Thanks for letting me know :) Report Review
Cal!!! Sevvy had told me to read your story and I'm so glad I did, honestly! This is your first published work on the site? I'm really impressed, siriusly. Your ability to express emotions was perfect, it wasn't over dramatized and it wasn't vague. You found that perfect medium that JK Rowling herself uses when describing the after math of a battle.
The conversations between them, while short, were exactly how imagine them talking and exchanging this could've honestly been an except from the Harry Potter books. You captured the characters and their nature perfectly and never wavered for a second. From Harry to always blaming himself when destruction occurs, to Ron not nagging Harry and knowing he would come around on his own time. Fantastic one shot, I do hope you expand :)
~Lauren/ReneeAuthor's Response: Siriusly eh? :P Thank you for the high praise! Not really sure what to say except that I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope I can achieve similar results in the future. :) Report Review
Interesting chapter again. I rather like your depiction of Mary and hope you progress with her character! I liked when her and Remus are paired up and Deora was saying he better not have any impure thoughts of her, I laughed out loud at that one. Onto the next chappie :)
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Haha, Mary's adorable. She definitely gets more of a spotlight in the next few chapters and plays a major part in Sirius/Deora's relationship.. but we will see later on ;) And thank you so much for all the reviews because it makes me so happy every time I read them. Also, I apologise for the super late replies!! Anyway I hope you keep reading and staying caught up with KtS. There will be a lot more surprises and twists (I hope) and should get a bit crazier and insane. Thanks for reading & reviewing!! You're the bestest!!! xxx Report Review
I like that you've make Peter likeable. Many stories make him a stupid nobody, when we know that can't be true. He was an animagus and he was friends with the Marauders and put in Gryffindor, if he was useless no one would've kept them around. And Sirius used him as a secret keeper so obviously he had some merit to him. That being said, I still adore this story! It's sad they have to keep their friendship a secret, I'm wondering if Peter fancies her and that when she starts dating Sirius that will be the thing to push him over the edge. I'll guess I'll have to wait and see :)
Oh, and the last line was brilliant, I was snorting when I read it. Poor Fat Lady.
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Hehehe I loved that last line as well!! And no Peter does not fancy Deora... but he's very... protective of her as well as she is of him. She's the closest thing he has to a proper family aside from the Marauders. But yes, this will definitely tie into a lot of what happens at the end of this fanfic. I really can't reveal much but if you stay tuned, you'll see ;) xx Report Review
This is really interesting! I haven't read a story where a girl and Peter start off being friends and it's a different approach for a Sirius/OC story. I like Deora already, even at the tender age of 10 I can tell she's really spunky and will be there for Peter and I'll grow to love her character. Amazing first chapter :)
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Yay thank you!! You're amazing for reviewing... anyway, I'm going to write a nice long response on your last review :P xx Report Review
OH MY GOSH!!! So much sexual tension, good lord, I was almost about to fan myself! This chapter was positively brilliant. From the sexual tension, to the witty banner, to the cuteness of the Squishy. Perfect chapter in my opinion, one of my favorites in this story!
Sirius and Kylie have been blended into the perfect couple. At first they were fire and water but now they are molding into a couple like a couple should :) It's so obvious that Kylie likes him, she's a smart girl, but she's kind of really dumb in this instance. And when they were in the showers she just wanted a peak of his head, really??? Maybe I'm just really pervvy but if someone as attractive as Sirius Black was naked right next to me I would probably want to do more than see his face :P Alright...done with that...ficitional character, I'm pulling it together.
As for the Quidditch part, I guess it was nice for them to experience an easy team. It was a rather fast game, wasn't it? But I guess not everyone can be totally awesome.
How many more chapters are you planning for this story? I only ask because I'm going to basic for the air force January 18th and I'm afraid I'm going to miss this story for 2 1/2 months :( So if there is a dissaprance from me around that time you'll now know why but once I'm back I'll be leaving reviews once again :) Anyway, please update soon!!! :D
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
It has been quite a while before we had the tension like this, so I thought I should add gobzoodles (No, that isn't a word) to this one. I'm starting to really like Squishy's existance in the story, if I'm allowed to say that myself - he's the one constant randomness that I have been assured.
Constant Randomness. Isn't that an oxymoron? Or an epic name for a band?
I think that the fact that they are kind of fire and water has been something that had inhanced them AS a couple - opposites do attract - but like you said, their age and maturity have gradually molded them together. She is kind of oblivious to herself, but that won't keep going for long! Maybe she did want more than that, but for the sake of the story she will remain looking at his head... that, and the fact that she is rather short (not short short, but shorter-than-shower-stalls short) doesn't let her look as much as she might.
I know it was fast, and I was going to write on it a lot more, but the fact that this is a HUGE Quidditch competition makes it a little difficult. For one, you have to weed out the weaklings, and for another, that gives you a lot of stuff to work with. I made this one short so the others can be better - if I use up all my material early, then you'll be reading something that feels way to firmiliar for my liking.
Right now, I don't have any set number as far as chapters... more than twenty five, definately, but beyond that I'm clueless. Good luck at the air force! I'm sure you'll do great!! Report Review
Despite the fact this was a filler chapter I still enjoyed it. You're going to need a few filler chapters in order to establish Elaina's new way of life, her new friendships, new enemies. With this story it can't be constanly lGO GO GO (if you know what I mean). I want more Sirius/Elaina action though! Let's get some sexual tension and meaningful glances across the room in this story :P
Also, I'm really hating Mary. There is absolutly nothing likeable about her so I hope that changes, or at least her reasoning is backed up. Keep it up and update soon!! :D
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Aw thank you. And I'm getting to the sexual tension, I promise! A couple more chapters and it will be all over the place!
I'm going to try and change people's opinion on Mary... I kind of feel bad for making her the way she is right now... ^_^' Report Review
DANIICA!!! So I'm an awful friend for never having finished this story but it's really quite discouraging for me because I've fallen in love with this story, like obsessive will re-read this every night and want to cuddle it for all of eternity. As you know, I'm a hardcore Sirius/OC/Sirius.Anyone shipper and I've never actually read an OC/OC story before where it's the main character but this was amazing!!! I mean, I knew how it was going to end but I was crying at the end of this story. This is so so so so so sad!
I love how when I'm reading this story I can definatley see your voice coming through. All the wise ass remarks and what not, totally Danica. And when Jenyse said she couldn't date anyone younger than her I laughed because we've had one too many conversations on this exact topic. Anyway! I can't wait to get to the sequel now, where I don't know what's going to happen!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: lauren!! ahh! you make me so happy. sorry this has taken forever for me to reply, but i'm here.
you like it? you really like it?? you mean it??? AHH! hahah. even though i've read this review before, i am still jumping off the walls at all the compliments! thanks so much! i am so glad that my OC/OC story was worthy of your eyes. =D
hahaha! as i've told many other reviewers, Jenyse is who i aspire to be. haha. i wish i was her. and yes. younger boys. yuck!
thanks so so much, lauren! you're the best!
~ Danica Report Review
adljfalsjflasja!!! Oh my god. Moments, I had typed my usual review and it didn't send and now I have to restart thing. Gah, butt monkey. Anyway I'm going to try and remember everything I had typed in the first one. The beginning of the conversation starting with: the squishy. I swear we're like soul mates or something, or just really awesome people because when I was like in seventh or eighth grade (which was like 8 or 9 years ago so I don't know how I remember this...) I had an orange that I named Squishy, thought I should share that with you.
But the Squishy scene was absolutly hilarious and grown men were hiding behind a couch had me laughing out loud.
Kylius action!!! They are awfully close though, aren't they? At one point Kylie grabs Sirius around the neck and kisses him on the nose, a bold move on Kylie's part I think. They're getting very close, maybe nakey time close? Haha okay no more of that. I want them together already!!! The suspense is killing me!!
anyway this is a shorter review than usual :( But I'm getting frustrated typing it twice and you already know how awesome I think you are so yes, please update soon :) And also, the Author's page and Hunger Games tribute=excellent ideas!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
I'm sorry that it didn't send! That had to suck so much!
Bahahaha, I love it - orange named Squishy! That's great. This little guy isn't anywhere near as origional as that!
I tried to make the bit with Squishy as funny as possible, though I know how really random it was!
As much Kylius stuff was in here, there is much, much more to come in the next chapter! They're not quite nakey time close, but they're probably getting to that point!
I understand why it's shorter, and no worries - no hard feelings or anything! The important part is that you decided to type the bulk of it again, and that's what makes YOU completely epic! Report Review
Moments! So sorry it's taken me so long to review. I'm sure you've been waiting by your computer going where the hell is Lauren?!?! :P Real life is a bitch, like always and I've had this chapter saved onto my documents for a while now, been meaning to read it but haven't made the time to do so yet (I've also just started the book the Hunger Games and a lot of my spare time has been devoted to that) but anyway I'm here now!!! And one comment I have to make before I dive into the review is that I think you should have a meet the author page! It's a place where your reviewers can boost your ego. Just a suggestion...
Poor Sirius, everyone is giving him crap for dropping Kylie which wasn't REALLY his fault, but only he and Kylie know that and he feels awful about it.
If I were Kylie and being babied so much I would probably punch someone, I'm actually surprised she didn't lash out more at people since she isn't the type to be babied. I was surprised by her calmness for people trying to hit bludgers and not letting her play.
And the ending of the chapter had to be the best part! The way you're building their relationship is amazing, while there is some sexual tension it's not just purely sexual tension, which a lot of writers do. A mistake a lot of people tend to make is they keep in the phyiscal attracted but leave out the emotional, and you've done a fine job of that. Also, you can see where Sirius became more mature, after loving another kid. That was a nice touch and totally original. Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter :) Hope quidditch is in it and some sexual tension :P
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
Real life is terribly painful, which is why I reject it constantly (kidding, haha. I'm not a freak.). And I totally understand the Hunger Games thing - I was obcessed with those books for so long it was really unhealthy. I've been thinking about writing a tribute to it on this website, and have kind of messed with it a little bit. Your opinion on that? Maybe I should try to make a page - my ego can always use boosting (kidding again!)
Yeah, it isn't his fault, but at least Kylie is there to help boost him back up! She always tries to help... even though a lot of times she just hurts :)
I figured that she has and will hit more than enough people during this competition, so I thought I would save their team members tis time at least. I think Sirius is starting to water her down a little bit, but in a good way - she's still Kylie, but she can face the world head on a little better.
I've had a lot of people think that this had so little sexual tension and so much cuteness, so it's good to see that someone has found it romantic in a grown-up way. I've tried to balance the emotions and the physical, and I've been getting worried that I've had an overload with the emotional. So for a little while, we might have more than the expected amount of physcal going on! I was hoping I timed Sirius's story right with him kind of growing up prior to their seventh year - hopefully it all matches up well! Quidditch will be in the chapter after the one on its way, and the same one has a LOT of romantic tension, if I do say so myself! Report Review
I'm the 100th reviewer!! Whoot!!! And after I leave this review I'm going to e-mail you for your story :) Anyway, onto your story!
The beginning was hilarious with Elaina being afraid of teenage girls and then Sirius being the perv that he is, brilliant. I honestly don't understand why you think you're bad with humor because despite the fact that this story is mainly a angst-y story the humor you throw in is entertaining and funny :)
The chapter was amazing, I love the character developments you have! I like Remus and her...the scene was brief but I kind of like how they interract and I hope you have more of their friendship to come!!! Keep up the amazing work :)
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Haha, good for you! :P
Yeah, I can do like small humorous things in a story full of drama and angst, but outright humor it all just turns out to be an epic failure on my part ^_^'
But I'm glad that you liked the chapter! :) Report Review
Hey interesting start very sad already though. Also, I don't mean to be a stickler but in your summary the quote comes directly from Lost in Austen and as a person whose had their work stolen before I hate to see when people go uncredited. I thought I should just let you know :)Author's Response: I've actually never seen the movie but a friend told me that line, I'll change it immediatly, I'm really sorry. Anyway thank you so much for reviewing its really great to hear a readers view of the story. Thank you again. I hope you like the story Report Review
Gah I'm sorry its taken me so long to review!!! Please don't hold it against me. But I liked this chapter, I don't know what you're talking about. It gave us a different dynamic to Elaina because we haven't seen her with her other friends. And Bella was so freaking cruel, I mean she basically blamed Elaina for her parents deaths, how awful is that? And then Evan...I mean you would think that if he found out she wasn't dead that he would be exstatic. And this is another reason why Slytherin sucks :P Anyway can't wait to see the next update from you!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: No need to apologize! I understand you have a life, haha. And yeah, Bella was cruel, but that's who she is. As for Evan, that wasn't the last we're gonna see of him.
But I'm glad you liked the chapter! :) Report Review
adsjlfasdfsa Moments!!! How can you leave me like this!?! Gah. Poor Kylie that was an intense fall, I hope she's okay and this isn't going to jeopardize her place in Quidditch!! That would be awful and I would probably hate you for it. Okay, I couldn't hate you but I would be strongly dissapointed.
Anyway, aside from my anger of this cliffhanger (you were doing so well, not having any cliffhangers for a few chapters there). I've decided I'm team Jaz/Remus. I don't care that he inevitably winds up with Tonks and that Matt wants her, I love them. So there's my final opinion on the matter, even though I'm sure this relationship isn't going to stick unless you went AU or killed her off.
I loved how when Kylie and Sirius were talking about how they could work as a couple and couldn't one of the things that was mentioned was Kylie's quick temper, and low and behold 2 seconds later she's off her rocker screaming at Sirius. Oh how Sirius knows Kylie so well.
Also (the best part) we're starting to see how Kylie is starting to like Sirius!! She can't wait to see him and things like that, small things that probably go unnoticed by her but us readers are able to catch onto and can root for Kylius (Sirius/Kylie combined...I'm cool...). Anyway, I hope that Kylie and Sirius don't argue after this because I love them together and would hate to see them fight! Another awesome chapter, not that I need to tell you that because every chapter is awesome. Thanks for the update :) You rule!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
Sorry! I have this thing with cliffhangers... but you probably know that already! I can promise you that it won't jeperodize her position - what's a story with a Quidditch inspired name without the Quidditch? - so no disapointment there! (Hopefully)
Cliff hangers are the drug I can't stay away from... and this time it wasn't completely my fault! It wouldn't NOT be written, if you know what I mean. I'm kind of surprised that you've gone the Remus route. I guess I figured that you would be one of those undecided or team Matt people - I'm not complaining, just surprised.
Sirius does know her really well - and she seems to know herself as well. I figured that would be a wee bit ironic, but I didn't really write this scene - they did.
Her feelings are growing, just like I kept promicing they would! They were slow at first, but now that she's realizing hopefully they will speed up a bit! (Kylius is deffinately the coolest name ever. Hands down, no joke) I can't give much away for the future chapters, no matter how much I want too...
You're amazing for another beautiful review!!! Report Review
FIRST TO REVIEW!!!
So glad to see you're back :) I was addicted to this story and upset about the length of time between updates, but I completely understand! I love how your walls of hatred are starting to come down between Sirius and Alex. It makes complete sense as to why Sirius would want Alex on the 'good' side and as to why he's giiving her so much attention. in a lot of sirius/oc fics the reason why the two people start hanging around with each other usually is pretty cliche and predictable. But yours is so utterly original. Please update soon :)
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Wow thanks so much for the quick review! I'm so glad you like it =)
I really am sorry for the slow updates I've had so many new fans of the story lately I don't wanna disappoint any of you! I have the next chapter pretty much planned out in my head, I just have to sit down and write it =)
HB Report Review
Ok, Moments (I don't know your real name so I'm going to call you Moments) this is my favorite chapter out of this story, hell, out of any story that I've read on HPFF. It wasn't exactly plot driven but everything I love about this story was planted in this chapter and I've read the chapter twice before writing this review because I want to get over the amazingness of it and be able to review the actual chapter itself.
Let's hope I can manage to fit every tiny thing I loved about this chapter into this review, so sorry if I skip over something, because in order to review it the way I would want to is basically copy and paste the entire chapter into this review box and just say “The entirety of this is amazing' but I would like to be more specific, ok I'm done rambling now and I'll just get to reviewing!
First off, I don't know how you aren't getting more reviews. You are one of the best and most creative on this site and you siriusly deserve more recognition and I'm going to throw a parade of sorts in your honor.
I'm warning you now that this review is going to be very long and that you may want to set aside a good chunk of time in order to read this and respond to it :P
I'm going to start with the opening scene. The way you use descriptions in day to day tasks is amazing. Usually I get bored when someone talks about showering getting ready...ect...because usually I don't need that much detail on what you do in a shower as I take them myself, but the way you describe things is so interesting and different from other stories that there's literally nothing I don't love about this chapter (and this story in general).
I liked how you did the note thing from Sirius and had her use the floo network in order to respond, completely clever and amusing at the same time. And more Jaz/Matt/Kylie friendship! Gah they're so amazing, honestly. They're so well written as friends I can't get over it. Slightly reminds me of Harry/Ron/Hermione, only I find myself more amused by your characters, truth be told. How they interact and know each other so well is so well depicted by you I can hardly get over it. When they were writing the note to each other in class was adorable and I found myself laughing. It's totally something I would do/say with my friends and I love how realistic they are and how oblivious Jaz is to Matt's feelings.
Also, your ability to use subtle humor and throw it into stories just works. When Jaz was straddling the couch the mental image of her made me laugh out loud (the people I'm on the train with casted me concerned looks). I love how they keep badgering how about Sirius is in love with her, which they should continue to do because Sirius is so obviously into Kylie and she's about as blind as Ray Charles.
And then the actual prank itself! I usually don't find people's pranks written in stories believable enough or epic enough to suit the Marauder's, but you my dear pulled it off! I loved how Kylie was sliding down the banister following it, it was a nice descriptive point to add to the story.
And more Sirius/Kylie action, I'm loving them so much as a pairing I can hardly contain myself. Sirius is so freaking adorable I can't get over it! Also, how Kylie ripped apart that apple, is that possible? Because if so that's really BA (can't swear, so abbreviations are necessary).
How Sirius is getting to know Kylie is really cute, and not cheesy. I love how he genuinely cares about her and she just thinks he's playing games (at least that's what i'm getting, I don't think she thinks he's entirely sincere) OH! And how they're hubby and wifey is hilarious, I actually did that with one of my guy friends and I started feeling nostalgic hah.
When Sirius tested to see if she was dead or not OH MY GOD! So hot. I could imagine exactly what he was doing and I don't know how Kylie is resisting the temptation. Then her reaction was so perfect and in character I once again burst out laughing and scared my fellow train passengers for the second time. Kylie's got quite the bitter past, doesn't she? But I like how you still make her optimistic and not like “Feel sorry for me because I had a tough upbringing”.
Anyway, I feel like I've covered most of what I wanted to. I've probably left a few things out...I may need to re-read this chapter for a 3rd time. I'm going to stop this review now though because it is going into 3 pages (And yes I'm typing it on microsoft word in the event it doesn't send the first time so I can be certain to have this long review saved). Sorry if it's an annoying length and you only respond to it with a few brief sentences, I would completely understand. I got a little carried away with this review :/ But I loved this chapter so much I HAD TO share it with you! I can't wait for more, as always! I'm impatiently waiting for the next chapter :) Also, this review is over 900 words...this is getting a little ridiculous. I'm done talking right...MEOW!
~LaurenAuthor's Response: Thank you for the amazing-oh-my-good-God-mind-blowingly-long-and-epic-enter-the-sounds-you-make-when-absoletely-in-shock-here review! Really, this thing is so beautiful and just made my day!
I was kind of worried that this chapter would be a bit of a letdown after the past two that were kind of packed with the original plot of the story, but evidently not after looking at the beautiful review that you left! IĂ˘Â€Â™m glad that itĂ˘Â€Â™s good enough to read multiple times Ă˘Â€Â“ I know sometimes chapters get dull!
Thank you so much for seeing me as a good author! In all honesty, IĂ˘Â€Â™m not disappointed that IĂ˘Â€Â™m not getting more feedback Ă˘Â€Â“ as much as I would love to have eight million reviews for each chapter and hate seeing the little notification that says Ă˘Â€ÂśNo new reviewsĂ˘Â€Âť, IĂ˘Â€Â™ve been given so many good reviews from people like you that it makes it well worth it!
IĂ˘Â€Â™m actually taking a leaf out of your book with this one and am using the powers of Microsoft word to help me out as far as time management goes!
I tried to make the small, insignificance of each task that she does sort of highlight the fact that her life is suddenly wild. SheĂ˘Â€Â™s in Moscow sometimes and, after just returning, it shows her ability to get back into the rhythm of things. I also tried to make it different in the same way she is, but also added some of her thoughts to hopefully ease the boringness of it.
I know what you meant before about not having a whole lot of the Jaz/Matt/Kylie relationship in there lately, and I tried to make sure that they were together for a good chunk of this one. The same way with the shower, sheĂ˘Â€Â™s getting back into the motions of being a friend again. I think theyĂ˘Â€Â™re a lot less civilized than Ron, Harry, and Hermione, and they donĂ˘Â€Â™t have the whole Ă˘Â€ÂśI-have-a-scar-from-VoldemortĂ˘Â€Âť bit getting in their way. The bit with the note was basically a conversation I had with my friends, which seems to be happening a lot lately in my stories; Jaz is oblivious becauseĂ˘Â€Â¦ well, I think her insecurities are pretty much blinding her!
I try to have a mix of humors in my chapter, having more on each one depending on what kind of chapter it is. When there is a serious chapter, it tends to be a lot more subtle than when itĂ˘Â€Â™s a rather plot-less one.
Ă˘Â€ÂśBlind as Ray CharlesĂ˘Â€Âť definitely has to be my favorite comparison ever. Just sayingĂ˘Â€Â¦
IĂ˘Â€Â™m with you Ă˘Â€Â“ either the prank isnĂ˘Â€Â™t at all large and exceeding expectations or they just kind of skip over it and mentioned it later. I thought fireworks would be good, though it took ages until I thought it felt right! Glad the work was enjoyed!
It is absolutely, positively, one-hundred-percent-idly possible to crack an apple in half with your hands. My dad taught me, and while I am terrible at it, the people who I have confided in now gain tons of money making bets at bars and restaurants.
IĂ˘Â€Â™m glad you donĂ˘Â€Â™t think itĂ˘Â€Â™s cheesy Ă˘Â€Â“ I was worried that the opposite would be true. Are you sure itĂ˘Â€Â™s not too much? And the wife/husband thingĂ˘Â€Â¦ I guess that seems to be quite common around people. I did it too, as well as several people I know.
The Ă˘Â€ÂśdeadĂ˘Â€Âť bitĂ˘Â€Â¦ I thought it was time for some sexual tension between the two. They havenĂ˘Â€Â™t had a whole lot of physical contact like that, so I figured a meeting from Lady Lust was welcome. Kylie would do what she did Ă˘Â€Â“ itĂ˘Â€Â™s just so her, she couldnĂ˘Â€Â™t resist. Kylie is tooĂ˘Â€Â¦ spontaneous to be brought down by stuff that has already happened. She just doesnĂ˘Â€Â™t roll like that.
I loved your review Ă˘Â€Â“ it was so amazing and long, absolutely fantastic! Thank you so so so so so so very much for it! By the way, I hope you had a good train ride and not too many people are frightened by you! Thanks again, a million times over!
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection