Another great parody, although to be honest this one was somehow creepier than Harry turning into the next Dark Lord and Voldemort being his father - I love seeing an evil Hermione, since I've never really encountered that kind of cynicism in her before.Author's Response: Hermione's not evil, she's resourceful. LOL Thanks for your comments. Report Review
Haha, this amused me to no end - I love how you turned several cliches (hello, Star Wars!) on their heads, but Manipulative!Dumbledore has to be my favorite part of all of this. That or Sirius.Author's Response: There is no greater love than that of a parent to child, right? Dumbledore, on the other hand, is far too interested in the greater good. Thanks for your comments. Report Review
Interesting beginning. I remember I reviewed one of your other fics and it was a bit wordy, but this was better. Shame you don't have any reviews - it's kind of annoying, but I'd reccomend getting a banner over at The Dark Arts (go to the forums and you'll find a link). People gravitate to stories with banners, as irritating as that can be. Have to go now, but I'll try to read and review the next chapter later, because this was very intriguing.Author's Response: Thanks for sticking with me Bowles, you're one of a few that I'm really thankful for. I'll have to see about that banner. I'm glad you think this one's better (I personally have to agree with you) and just want to promise that I plan on keeping it that way. Report Review
A good first chapter for what appears to be your first fic. Sometimes your descriptions can get a bit wordy and confusing, like in that last scene, but for the most part it was interesting and engaging. Seems to be written like a movie for some odd reason, although that's not a bad thing. Some things could be fixed, but overall I enjoyed it and look forward to more.Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review. I get that wordy thing alot, especially in my school assignments, and I understand that it's not fair to the reader to confuse them with diction. I'll try and make it a bit less heavy, and focus on the story, which is going to be REALLY cool. Thanks for reviewing, You're awesome. Report Review
Ah, I loved this. All the characters were great, even Peter, who might've actually been the most fascinating of the bunch. And the last line was perfect, seemed very James-like.Author's Response: I was just poking around your author page today. =) I really wanted Peter's to be substantial, not just the lame I-had-to-betray-them whining that seems to accompany him or, worse, completely skipping him. So, yeah. Glad you read it. Report Review
It had some minor grammar things and such, but I thought it was a very nice story. Never seen a fic with Lily's grandparents, either, so that's a first. Overall, good fic.Author's Response: Glad you liked it, it's my favorite of my stories. Thanks for the review and hope that you check out my other stories! Report Review
Ah, very good, very much like a teenage boy. What guy hasn't been where James is? Great fic, liked the characterizations, like James's thoughts. Very well written.Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
Very good continuation of the other fic. Bit confused about the timeframe - is it after Snape's killed Dumbledore? If so, why isn't he in hiding or something? That aside, very good. Report Review
Very good fic, great insight from an outside perspective into Harry's childhood. Glad to have read it, will check out the sequel. Report Review
Very nice little Lily/James fic. I really like the interaction between them, and James's inner dialogue is very interesting to read - sort of like a commentary to what's going on in the entire fic as it's happening. Good one-shot.Author's Response: Thanks very much for the great review, Bowles. It's awesome that you enjoyed the story. Having it in first person from James' perspective helped take it to another level that would have been hard to reach if it were in third person - the story just wouldn't have worked without it. =) Report Review
Not sure if I can see Remus and Lily doing that to James, but besides that the characterization's pretty much spot-on. A great little angst fic - it really gets into Remus's tortured psyche.Author's Response: Thanks! :) Report Review
As I said on LJ, I liked it a lot. I thought that gray was a perfect description for Peter, of course, and I liked the interaction with Sirius. Same with James.
"My mum says that only bad people swear." Perfect Ginny (well, in PoA, that is). And Lupin's reaction to her was right on. (God, I suck at reviews.) So... ahem... good stuff. Yeah. *unsure glance at horrible excuse for a review*Author's Response: Don't be so hard on yourself, Jeff. I'm glad that my Ginny pleased you - generally I tend to write her way OOC, and if she's perfect for you, she's perfect for anybody. I considered different things for different characters (colors for James? Letters for Peter?, etc.), but gray just fit Peter. The fact that so many writers ignore him really bothers me, so I felt obligated to do something not just good for him - to do something right for him. Crossing that line between MWPP!Remus and Trio!Remus was difficult. They're usually two different characters for me. One's all into books and only cares about keeping his friends out of trouble, while the other makes things happen and fixes problems with chocolate. To expand on these rather flat characterizations, combining them and making an accurate Third Year!Remus was a struggle. I just gave a five sentence response to a one sentence comment. I think that I am procrastinating. I think that that is all. I think that you give great reviews. Thank you so much; and, as I said, don't be so hard on yourself. A little can go a long way! Report Review
That bit about Paris in the beginning reminded me slightly of "A Tale of Two Cities". Besides that, I really like the description in this story - I've never been to Europe, but I really felt as if I was there. Although that last paragraph there is way too long, for the most part it was very good, and I like how you managed without dialogue until the very end. This death and this letter are both very suspicious - can't wait for an update.Author's Response: Too long? Hmm...I'll have to go back through and see where I can make a break, then. Thank you again for your review and your help :) Report Review
Well, it's not a bad first effort. Better than mine was, I'd say. You've got a foundation in place, and granted, you have a lot to work on, but who doesn't? You did misspell
"conceited" in your summary, but oh well, you can fix that easily. Pretty good for a first fic!Author's Response: Thanks. I'll get better next time.
Also I fixed Conceited. Report Review
Hm, interesting. I like how you've pulled the Weasleys into this somehow, and I do like how you characterize young Dumbledore. Wizard's Council? Wasn't that in Quidditch Through the Ages or one of those books? Hm. I'm wondering if this Weasley is a, you know, normal Weasley or perhaps a Percy type. Good work, and keep it up.Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm not sure about the Wizard's Council being in Quidditch Through the Ages, as I've not read those books. I just wanted a name for something that preceded the Ministry, and it was a functional enough title :) Thank you for your review, and for reading it! Report Review
Well, I'm not one for OC fics, but I must admit that you've done a very good job with this. Not much has happened at all and still I'm enthralled! It's got a very Sherlock Holmes-like feel to it, and as a fan of those stories, I love it. The characters and the story are interesting enough, as you might've guessed.
Although I did see something that made me stop. Some of your sentences seem to be run-ons. I'm not talking about dialogue, such as "'Of course,' Albus smiled." I would use a period instead of a comma there, but I realize that there are regional differences.
"Arthur raised an eyebrow but decided it was better to not inquire, he would find out what it was this evening that was exciting the wizarding world in a short time."
“I believe that Julien was a refugee from France, he did not come here of his own volition."
From the first and second chapters. I would use a semi-colon instead of a comma, as there is nothing to connect those two main clauses, but I'm not completely sure if that's a regional difference or not. It's a small point, but a point nonetheless.
Very good work, overall. You've gotten me interested in a broad collection of OCs, and I'll admit, that's no small task as Mary Sues have turned me off OC fics.
Author's Response: Well first off, thank you :) You're right about the semicolons, though. I'll go back through it this weekend and fix it up :) I'm glad you enjoyed it, though! Report Review
Gah, you...! I'm very irritated now. It doesn't help that I'm listening to Coldplay, which can be altogether depressing by itself, but now this... The only odd part about it was Remus's first dialogue - it might've sounded too formal, but then again, I guess when one gets angry and starts talking to themselves they do speak a bit differently, so that's actually alright.
I loved this line:
“That you’re a girl, and you spend lots of time with James, and I spend lots of time with—"
“—with no one, is that it?”
Wonderful. It really sets the mood, and puts this on a determined path. And then the end... I can almost feel it - one of those kisses where you barely even realize that they're there. Perfect imagery. And being a guy who loves Remus, and Remus/Lily, this was even more perfect, if not sadder. Lily just seemed right during this - she understood, and Remus, with his overthinking ways, didn't. James added a nice touch to it all - made it seem even more hopeless, although he was just being himself - but I do wonder when the time period is. I'm guessing sixth or seventh year, assuming that in seventh year Remus retained his prefect duties, because James and Lily seem to be on better terms than they were in "Snape's Worst Memory".
I can't say anymore. Just simply: I hate you, and your antagonizing writing that makes me sad and gloomy. Nothing personal, of course. I like torturing good ol' Remus every now and then, also. Let's face it: it's just too fun to torment the guy. Poor thing.Author's Response: Gah indeed! I had to read this twice before figuring out that you didn't really hate me. I don't think...yes. Thank you for reading it, I feel like it's my least loved piece (well it is by me anyway). :) Report Review
I didn't know you'd posted it. The gang talk was funny, as was the excorcism, and Godric's Hollow is still misspelled! But anyway, good chapter, and write more.... g-fizzle.Author's Response: You know how we do up in my crib. You want more foo'? them more bes comin'! Ya Herd? Report Review
I told you I'd read it. And I'm glad I did. It was amazing.
The imagery of Sirius smoking was believable, as was his exchange with Regulus and that entire part about the Blacks: the parents were perfect. And as he was packing, I got this one line in my head: hit the ground running. It was from another fic I read, a drabble by vagabond_sal in the Runaways fandom, and the last two lines are this (edited for language):
"It's time you hit the ground running, and if the rest of the world can't keep up?
Well, that'd just be a bloody shame."
I loved this. The Remus/Sirius was believable, as were the Marauders' interactions. You are definitely developing, or have already developed, your own writing style, and it suits your fics perfectly. Compared to "A House of Cards", which I still love, or "There Were Ghosts", which was excellent, this is... well, it puts your older fics to shame.
The ship didn't matter to me. I'm indifferent towards Remus/Sirius. You made it believable. Even the amount they were kissing, which was quite a bit, was justified by how you characterized Sirius. I can't really give any constructive criticism because there's not much I could construct on: it's obvious that you put a lot of work into this, and... well, I think I'll be re-reading this a few times. It's definitely going into my favorites. Report Review
Well, that was definitely the best chapter ever. Fortune cookies, a Never-Ending story, a nice Voldemort... traitor Ron... Sirius... Well, you completed it, finally, and I have to say, the scene with you was very funny. Er... hats off and all that stuff.Author's Response: Sweet! best chapter ever! I actually do like fortune cookies, but I wish they actually told fortunes. History: a history is quite a long read... I'm still on the first chapter. Voldemort's a great guy once you get to know him. We play poker on tuesdays. Traitor Ron is so Cliche that i had to put him in. Sirius got what was coming to him and anything with me is always funny. Thanks for the Reveiw... but keep your hat on because your hair looks bad. Report Review
Wow, really angsty. Once again, Snape is spot-on, and I love your explination of everything. I think he was acting on Dumbley's orders (but that's something different), and they had a row about this. If Snape isn't a good guy... well, this will do just in case. Excellent work.Author's Response: Thank you so much! You're so kind. =) I do love angst. Once I began reading posts in the forums, after I wrote this, I was inclined to believe that he and Dumbledore had an agreement as well, but this was my story at the time. ;-) Thanks again! Report Review
So I'm guessing it is Crouch!Moody since he's running around with Death Eaters. What can I say? Excellent fic, excellent characterization, excellent overall! I loved every second of it. Good job!Author's Response: And you would be right. ;-) I'm glad that the characterization was correct. I'm grateful for all of your kind reviews; thank you for reading and responding so faithfully! =) Report Review
Another excellent chapter. Is this really Moody, or is this Crouch!Moody? Either one makes a lot of sense, and whoever they are... well, it's fun to see them make Snape so irritated. After HBP, a good Snape fic is exactly what I needed. Off I go to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I wrote his lines with Moody's appearance and gruff manner in OOTP in mind, as well as his actions in GOF, which Crouch must have done authentically for those that knew him best to believe him. I love the man, but it's so fun to irritate Severus. =) Report Review
Jeez, I haven't reviewed this in a while. But I am going to read and review the whole thing, I promise!
Moody and Snape's interactions are priceless, of course. I want to see Dobby (he's such a wonderful character), but I'm content with Dumbledore. Nice little line at the end there: "If anything, I favor you." Perfect line. So... off I am to read more.Author's Response: Oh, that's all right! I'm glad you like it enough to keep reading. I'm sorry, I don't believe Dobby resurfaces in the later chapters, but he's a nice calm contrast to Moody. Thank you for reading! Report Review
I've seen that episode of Scrubs, actually. I really loved this fic; it's easily one of the best Remus and Sirius stories I've ever read. Major props to you. This was wonderfully done.Author's Response: Wow, really? thanks so much, that's really made my day. and to think, I thought that this was one of my worst fics ... scrubs rocks. (",) thanks for the review! Report Review
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