Reading Reviews From Member: TidalDragon
695 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon(1) The Grand Scheme of Things: Chapter 1 - Talking instead of Stalking

30th April 2016:
Hello there and sorry I'm so late. The last 5-6 weeks have been like something out of a nightmare.
Anyway, I am here now to deliver your long overdue review!

I'll start by saying that I think you've got a good thing going with your characters so far. Though we only really get to know much of Olly and Clara at this point, they are differentiable in terms of their backgrounds, personalities, and speech and in truth, very complementary. I definitely enjoy that you haven't shied away from giving the flaws too. For Olly's part, what seems quite interesting is how differently he handles his flaw from Clara. It could prove to merely be a personality difference, but I hope she'll help him grow to treat his flaws more like she treats her gap - as something to acknowledge and that it's okay to sometimes feel self-conscious about, but not as something to define you.

Mechanically, I thought you also mustered a good balance between dialogue and description and inner thought along with a simplicity of language that is quite appropriate for the characters given their ages - keep that up!

Interested to see how the rest of the story develops! Hope the review helped and if you want a follow-up, just let me know!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #2, by TidalDragonThe Fifth House: A Trip to Narrowway

30th April 2016:
Once more I enjoyed the care you've taken to establish both similarities and differences between the canonical culture we know and the wizarding culture in this part of the world - from currency to law to shops to textbooks, you've really thought it all out nicely and I think it makes your world that much more believable AND accessible. I also liked the end where it got meta with the Hermione reference ;)

To answer your question from my thread, I will say that it hasn't lost my attention at this point, but I would caution you that I think you're reaching a point where you could start to lose people if there's too much more "pure" exposition. I imagine based on the quality on display so far that if I read on, you'd be moving forward substantially with the plot in the next chapter or two, but since you asked, I did want to answer.

You're obviously very dedicated to the story based on what you've written so far and how much you've posted so I would leave you with words only of encouragement - keep on writing and stay true to yourself and your concept. You've got a good thing going!

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Review #3, by TidalDragonThe Fifth House: The Choice

30th April 2016:
Hello again! This chapter was a very effective demonstration of the differences between American and British wizarding culture - though some of it was only pointed out through historical references, I thought you obviously took great care in coming up with the different names of subjects that Ilvermorny uses. I enjoyed the nods to D&D schools and spells.

I also enjoyed that you didn't try to take this decision-point (which is very serious) too seriously, tossing in a little Matrix-style choice which injected an element of humor in the situation before it was later complemented by the bemused acceptance of the situation we see from Willow's mother.

See you in Chapter 4 for that extra review...

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Review #4, by TidalDragonThe Fifth House: Ilvermorny

30th April 2016:
Hello again! I enjoyed this deepening introduction to the characters in your story - particularly Willow - and the American magical community. For Willow's part I see the potential in her and I like the patient development you're giving her. It's much more in the spirit of an OC-driven novel than what we often encounter in fic and you should be praised for that!

On the dark side of Willow though, I do recognize what appears to be some inconsistency between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 (and arguably between the story and Potter-verse canon). The internal inconsistency is, for me, less concerning because it's possible you're trying to set Willow up as particularly special and uniquely talented, but the way it has come across so far is that she had no control and no idea what was going on when she apparated herself and her mother away from danger in Chapter 1, and yet reveals here that she's been able to control her magic to the extent that she can braid her own hair magically for three years. Hmm. In the end I think it's the control that's more worrying though because it's been a fairly clear feature of canon that underage witches and wizards can't really direct their magic, and more specifically that it can't be directed well period without a wand. Something to think about - especially when injecting this isn't particularly necessary.

Otherwise though the handling of the tour was nice (following the American tradition of parent-tour guides was a nice touch) and the descriptions of the grounds and the magic and accompanying sensations on the way there were done excellently.

On to Chapter 3!

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Review #5, by TidalDragonThe Fifth House: The Invitation

29th April 2016:
Well, I'm WAY behind on my review thread owing to perhaps the most grueling four months of my professional life, but I've finally made it here so here goes!

First of all, the story immediately stands out as the first post-reveal story set in Wizarding America that I've read. Rather than being excessively different or disappointingly trope-laden however, this has been a well-crafted tale thus far with nods to the canon we know (apparition, acceptance letters), but unique characters and a modern era (the latter of which remains pleasantly unobtrusive).

Though this chapter was merely an introduction, I do think the story holds a lot of promise and am interested to read more. Seeing as I've kept you waiting a ridiculous amount of time I think it's only fair I give you some more reviews too...

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Review #6, by TidalDragonSacrifice: Sacrifice

26th April 2016:
Howdy Frankie! Though it's been a longer road than I expected, I've finally reached your story for the Quill and Ink Challenge and so it's high time I give it the review that it deserves.

Though there is not a lot of volume here, as with the best mini-one-shots there is an immense amount of weight. So much runs through our minds - just as it ran through Lily's - and you leveraged the power of the second person to bring us even deeper into these harrowing, horrifying moments.

What stands out about Lily of course is the notes of her progression. Adrenaline. Worry. Pain. Power. Hope. It's hard to believe that even in a situation like this we can be realistically guided through such a range of emotions in such a short span of words and time, but you manage it and for that, you should be commended.

Thanks for sharing your piece with us and for participating in the challenge!

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Review #7, by TidalDragonA Happy Memory: The Swan

26th April 2016:
Howdy! You're my next stop on the Quill and Ink Challenge reviewing train!

I will start by saying that from the first paragraph, when it became clear the person and place we were dealing with, I was impressed by your boldness. Not many writers tackle Cho to begin with and even fewer try to tackle her in the Hogwarts Era itself. Whether it's difficulty, dislike, or something else I don't know, but we just don't see it. I find it to be something of a shame because whatever your feelings on her as a character, it's almost undeniable that there are A LOT of depths to plumb with her.

Of course in this story you do just that and not only does it make it easier to understand Cho's struggles in these moments as she both searches and yearns for a memory, but it also grafts onto her a measure of resilience rarely glimpsed in canon by showing us what she went through to do what she believed was right.

Thanks for participating in the challenge and sharing your story with us!

Author's Response: Hello!

Phew! I'm glad you think I've done Cho justice, you're right in saying she's a difficult character in fandom but she remains one of my favourites, and this is the side I wanted people to see of her.

Thank YOU so much for hosting such a great challenge!

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Review #8, by TidalDragonCygnus Black III and His Three Daughters: Narcissa

26th April 2016:
Howdy Kenny! I'm wrapping up my Quill and Ink Challenge reviews and the journey has brought me here, to the next installment of your story.

Before commenting at all on the tale itself, I want to point out how incredible your progress has been outside your native tongue. I don't know any other languages (a little Spanish, but not really) and would be terrified to try to write fiction in them if I did, but I am so impressed by your dedication to doing it - and the results have been incredible.

Here, I think you did a good job as well of capturing what was doubtless an interesting family dynamic - not just the Blacks, but the relationship between Bellatrix and Narcissa, the former of which is so...manic really...and the latter of whom is so reserved and placid. What I enjoyed about your portrayal of Narcissa though was that it didn't end there. As with many people of that temperament, you showed that the saying we have is true - "still waters run deep" - and that there is a lot of intensity and dimension to the sisterly bond. The fact you layered that with divergent allegiances and ambitions simply made it all the better as well.

Thanks so much for participating and sharing your story with us!

Author's Response: Thank you, Kevin for setting this challenge. I really enjoyed this. Your insight have me look back my story theoretically. As you pointed out, I tried writing maniac Bellatrix, and practical Narcissa. As the other authors tried, I couldn't resist writing about Bellatrix's obsession towards Vol's inner circle. And I wanted to write Auror thing from Augusta's POV.

I wrote two characters together from the independent women's POV. I hope it worked out right.


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Review #9, by TidalDragonLace And Paper Flowers: Bomb Shield

25th April 2016:
Howdy Kaitlin! You are my midpoint in reviewing the Quill and Ink Challenge entries - so here I am!

Ahh second person, one of the most challenging perspectives to execute, but one of the most satisfying to read when it is executed well. You, my friend, despite the conciseness of the piece, executed it very well.

I think part of what made it so successful here was your excellent use of comparisons in conjunction with imagery to give us a deeper feel for Victoire. I've got a bit of a lingering headache and so I'm sorry my review won't be as long as I normally make them, but I wanted you to know that I really appreciated your story and that you participated in the challenge!

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Review #10, by TidalDragonThe Brightest Blue: The Brightest Blue

24th April 2016:
Howdy! I have arrived in my reviewing rampage for the Quill and Ink Challenge!

This was such an interesting story and your incorporation of chromesthesia (you learn something new every day) made Alice such a unique character. Perhaps what I enjoyed most about the characterization though is that rather than let her unique ability completely define her, you used it as this elegant prism through which we could see WHO she was. From her early innocence and curiosity, transformed over time by being forced to hide her talent into moments of fear, to being reminded of her exceptionalism by its connection to her magic.

Then, the story gave way to its eventual powerful conclusion - Alice's family and motherhood. People often attempt to tackle to challenge of writing her (and/or Frank), but I think this was the most compellingly I've seen it done. The color-based explanation for the gum wrappers in conjunction with how badly she'd obviously been damaged that fateful night was simultaneously endearing and heartbreaking.

Thanks so much for sharing and participating in the challenge!

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Review #11, by TidalDragonFlaming Quilltips: Pensieve to Parchment

24th April 2016:
Howdy! I am here reviewing for the Quill and Ink Challenge and your fic, being first in, was first on my list!

This is the third epistolary entry I've read and I have to say they are quite interesting. Yours was unique among the others because it involved so many people, but that turned out to be a good thing as it helped provide depth we wouldn't have otherwise had.

I also really appreciated your unique portrayal of Dorcas. I think it's easy - and happens too often in the Marauders Era - that when focus is given to the war and the Order and to dark events, to make those who fall on the side of good seem unassailable. Your Dorcas was much more realistic in that she was human and flawed and engaged, even in her own writings, in self-deception. Kudos on that.

Thanks for sharing this with us and participating in our challenge!

Author's Response: Hello Kenny!

Thank you so much for stopping by :D

Epistolary entries are so hard to write, and I'm surprised there are so many talented ones out there who make it look so effortless.

I'm glad you liked my portrayal of Dorcas. you are so right about the Marauders Era characters being idolized too much, and I was actively trying to break that. War and loss tends to break people from within, and I wanted to show that.

Thank you so much for your lovely remarks, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

Waiting for the challenge results!

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Review #12, by TidalDragonShrivelled like a Wilted Flower: Shrivelled like a Wilted Flower

12th April 2016:
Howdy Emm! As fate would have it you found yourself in the final pairing and so it is that I have taken some time to FINALly reach your story.

I thought this was a very well done piece on the phases of Lily and Petunia's relationship and, taken from Petunia's perspective, it was quite interesting to see how much force of will it takes for her to maintain such cruelty toward her sister. It's a unique take, advancing the idea that unlike the way she comes across in canon, she doesn't TRULY harden so quickly. I quite like it.

So which were my favorite segments? I think one has to be the picture at the beginning. Maybe that's too easy, relying on the idea that "a picture tells a thousand words" but I think it's very true in this situation and sets up beautifully this dramatic change in the sisterly relationship that will play out for the remainder of the story. I also thoroughly enjoyed the final two lines. You captured both the concept that "the opposite of love isn't hate, but indifferent" and at the same time fused it with one of the things that broke their Petunia's love for Lily in the first place - those dead flowers she didn't have the magic to resurrect.

Well done! Thanks for participating!

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Review #13, by TidalDragonSquib: Chapter 1

12th April 2016:
Howdy Lea! I've made it! You were part of the final pairing when I did the draw and so I'm a bit late making it for the R&R, but here I am!

This was an interesting piece about perhaps one of the least written canon characters that I know of. It's a tough challenge writing a story about a squib set in a magical universe, but you handled the challenge well, using the situation to both evoke emotion and to by implication make the fascinating Mrs. Figg's accomplishments all the more impressive. One wonders what her hateful mother and sister would say if they knew how integral she'd ultimately been to protecting the boy that ended up saving the wizarding world.

As far as more fine details, I thought the rhyme you came up with was excellent as a device and that you handled the moment of disconnection quite well.

Thanks for sharing and participating in the challenge!

Author's Response: Thankyou!!! When I saw what the challenge was and signed up, I didn't want to pick an obvious one, and I always liked Arabella.

As for the rhyme, I came up with it before anything else!

Thanks for setting the challenge, I will be keeping an eye out to read the future entries by the continuing participants.

Lea xx

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Review #14, by TidalDragonMy Happy Ending: You Are Spring

12th April 2016:
Howdy Lizzie! I am racing to R&R all the Knockout Challenge entries so I can get us moving closer to a conclusion before...well, you know.

ANYWAY, this was a really interesting piece, and I think the very first entry I've read that contains an OC - crazy huh? You've obviously taken great care to give both Dominique and Mark their own unique characterizations and the language you've chosen for Mark to describe those differences is exceptional. When someone heads for the skies with their words it really has to ring true to me to work and I thought you did a good job of making it authentic with both the depth of emotion and the back-and-forth comparisons between the two leads.

I will confess I wasn't much a fan of the dialogue in the final conversation as it felt, to me, a bit one-sided, but in the end it was a really more a paragraph in an otherwise resplendent tale of...if not quite unrequited love, at least unworkable love. And Mark was a bold man to make his confession in whatever manner - kudos to him even though it didn't work out.

Thanks for participating!

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Review #15, by TidalDragonHanging by a Moment: Hanging by a Moment

12th April 2016:
Howdy Jill! I'm almost done with R&R-ing all the Knockout Challenge entries and your time has come so-to-speak!

This was some kind of ride. I haven't read many...well truthfully ANY Seamus/Ginny stories before. It's an interesting pairing that could've come up in the context of that year at Hogwarts and the separation from Harry. Truthfully there are many possibilities in that regard - not oft explored - but intriguing nevertheless.

I thought you handled the breakdown of that relationship nicely though, particularly in the context of the end of the war, the dissolution of the "hole" that brought them together, and the complexities of the two characters.

What interests me most is your incorporation of the cane and how it meshes (or not) with Seamus's thinking. My reading (which may be reading TOO MUCH) was that the cane was representative of more than just a physical injury to Seamus - that it demonstrated a fundamental flaw that destroyed the relationship - jealousy. While his reactions are, ultimately, understandable were it not for the green-eyed monster I'm not sure he would've jumped to the conclusions that led to this end. Maybe he could've actually fought for her like he claimed in its absence. Either way it gave me interesting food for thought.

Thanks so much for participating!

Author's Response: Hey Kevin!

Honestly, I really like exploring that era from Hogwarts when we don't really know much of what happened save for some details, so like you said, anything can happen.

You know, I honestly didn't think about that at the time with Seamus' cane, but you're absolutely right, and I really like your reading on that. You're actually the first person who thought of it! :)

Thank you so much for the review and the challenge, I really enjoyed writing this!


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Review #16, by TidalDragonBeyond the Breaking Point: Beyond the Breaking Point

12th April 2016:
Howdy LJ! I'm back in action R&R-ing all the Knockout Challenge entries and I've finally reached yours! Here goes!

We all knew Percy turned into a truly foul individual at this point in the series, but the way you set it up with what used to be such a strong connection between he and Arthur and what was an originally heartfelt motivation for his obsession with working in the Ministry made his actions that much more disgusting, his words that much more cutting. I think for you that decision was a structural triumph of the piece.

My other favorite portion of it was the way you showcased your mastery of Percy's voice. I've never really written him myself, but I think it's always a challenge when you have such a matter-of-fact individual who at that same time isn't someone who's obsessed with objectivity or rationality - someone who's still like the rest of us with our flaws and failings. In the beginning you captured the inquisitive nature that doubtless propelled him to excellence and wove it in nicely with his ambitions to achieve. Later, you revealed the dark fruits of those twin engines as the acquisition of knowledge no longer seemed to fascinate, but to serve as a means to an end, and above all a basis for belief in his own superiority. His ambition was twisted (even if not in his own mind) to cause him to reject the very motivation that originally drove him in favor of his own self-interest. Jarring. Ugly. But true of the character.

Thanks for participating and sharing this story with us!

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Review #17, by TidalDragonPhotograph: 1

12th April 2016:
Howdy Sarah! I had a brief hiatus from my Knockout Challenge R&R blitz as I had a relapse of my pesky virus, but I'm back in action and I've made it here to you!

This story was really beautiful. I haven't really read your work before and so I wasn't sure what I would encounter - decadent dialogue, deep description, soaring prose - and in the end it was something all its own. Powerful impact achieved through a combination of careful balance and elegant simplicity.

Speaking more to specifics however, I think what I enjoyed most is the contrasting structure (and nature) of the story. It was really interesting to me to see these two sides of the Remus/Sirius dynamic - something that if Wolfstar is real, surely happened when Remus accepted the false truth of Sirius as James and Lily's betrayers along with the rest of the world. You managed to capture the unique highs and inevitable lows while also sprinkling in a simple little seed of a scene that gave the nagging idea that regardless of what had happened, the relationship may have been destined for destruction.

Of course an enormous part of what made it all work was the photograph, your use of which was so versatile. It was a title, a device, a theme, an image - and it worked in all roles brilliantly. My favorite though had to be its thematic duty. How often do we see, from the outside looking in, or in the awful aftermath of our failures or failed connections, that one static memory - bound, confined, incapable of being changed or edited - that sends us spiraling into the thoughts of what was and also what might've been? A photograph is the perfect symbol for it and the perfect theme for your conception of Remus and Sirius here - beauty and safe harbor in a moment, but in the end something fleeting that conceals flaws far stronger than either ever imagined.

Thanks for sharing and participating!

Author's Response: Hi, Kevin! I'm glad you've beaten the virus and are back. Thanks again for running the Knockout Challenge. Such a cool idea!

Aww, I'm so glad you liked it! I had a hard time getting started and figuring out what direction to take it, but once I figured that out I was able to write pretty quickly.

When I first started this I had no intention of making it romantic. Strings, the one-shot I wrote that this one follows, has no mention of Wolfstar. But then as I was writing, it just sort of happened. I'm glad you got the sense that their relationship wouldn't have lasted even if Sirius hadn't been framed for Peter's betrayal because that's what I intended. I'm very much a canon person, so if Wolfstar was a thing, it needed to be long done before Remus and Tonks got together.

Remus's reactions and his coming to terms with what happened when James & Lily were murdered is one of the things that fascinates me most about the series. It's very glossed over in canon, which, of course, gives me a lot of fodder for fan fic!

I'm glad you liked the photograph theme. I used it simply because of the Ed Sheeran song, which fit the story so well. But then it became something else and tied the story together. Remus will always have those memories, those photographs, but things will never be the same. Thanks so much for the lovely review! :)

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Review #18, by TidalDragonLove, Minerva: September 1954

10th April 2016:
And so we meet again!

I fear this review will be mostly short, as I don't want to be unduly duplicative in my praise of your earlier capturing of "Miss Minerva" but I do think it bears repeating that you've written these letters splendidly, which a keen awareness of her voice and her reactions and indeed, to the very end, her eventual pragmatism.

It is, truly, sad to see a love end like this - a mutual love, deeply held and duly requited, but impossible to bring into permanence, but you have, without varying from your mission to truly capture the character and her handling of the loss, captured it beautifully.

Thanks for participating and sharing this story with us!

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Review #19, by TidalDragonLove, Minerva: August 1954

10th April 2016:
Howdy Renee! I am slowly, but surely closing in on my goal of R&R-ing all the Knockout Challenge entries before I lose the weekend and that has, finally, led me to you.

This was such an interesting piece about such an infrequently (at least independently) written character. Though we know that McGonagall's love life ended in tragedy the way you gave voice to it gave it an impact that knowledge alone cannot. Of course, doing it as a letter posed you a considerable challenge I know, because you had to capture not only McGongall's voice, but also her thinking and that thinking while in an undoubtedly highly emotional state - something we don't often see from her in canon. Truly, I think you rose to the occasion well, not making the letter overly sentimental, but clearly conveying the emotion in an earnest, sorrowful, and even penitent way that I felt fit her character quite well.

On to Chapter 2!

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Review #20, by TidalDragonGoodbye, James: Sirius

10th April 2016:
Hello again!

Having read the previous bit with Lily, I wondered if you would take a similar path with Sirius, having his thoughts occur just before falling through the veil, especially given that he confused Harry and James so soon before that moment.

However, this was much more real I felt and definitely refreshing. It fleshed out Sirius's character an thought processes at a time (love that he refuses to call Peter by his name here and only refers to him at The Rat) in his life that doesn't get a lot of focus in fic, but ultimately transitioned nicely to his "farewell" to his best friend/brother. And I LOVED the way he suddenly got the idea of how to pay tribute to James the moment he saw Snape. It injected some SIRIUS humor into an otherwise somber subject and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Thanks for participating!

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Review #21, by TidalDragonGoodbye, James: Lily

10th April 2016:
Howdy Beth! I am here as I continue my quest to R&R all the Knockout Challenge participants and now I've reached you! Since you've got a multi-chapter fic I'll post shorter reviews on both chapters rather than just one big one - hope that's okay!

Now on to the substance! Believe it or not, I actually have not read a last-seconds-alive fic from Lily's POV before. I think that's not terribly surprising given the quotes we have from canon, but it left some ripe ground for you to explore and I thought it was neat to see what you did with it.

Stylistically, I enjoyed the way that your structure and sentence length married well with the fast pace imposed on you by the extremely condensed time-frame you were working with. One of my pet peeves is when people inexplicably elongate action/death scenes and I think it's a testament to you that you were able to avoid that while still covering everything you wanted.

Though it was obviously the point behind your concept, I also thought it was interesting to see what your idea of Lily's last thoughts on James would be. Like I mentioned before, canon plays out the whole "saving Harry" aspect pretty thoroughly, but even the most saintly parent would admit that in such a situation their spouse would HAVE to be on their mind as well. I thought what you hit was in character for Lily and also well-written enough to be high-impact despite the stakes that she was facing outside her head in the moment.

On to Chapter 2!

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Review #22, by TidalDragonOur July: Our July

10th April 2016:
Howdy Gina! I have arrived in my quest to R&R all the Knockout Challenge entries today.

Coming back having read the story, I want to start by apologizing that whatever rambling follows, it probably won't do your story justice. From the first word to the last word, it was laden with powerful emotion - in the beginning an event almost too terrible to comprehend and in the end with the sheer weight of the absence of it in the death of something. The clinical handling of its doom reminds me unavoidably of "The End of Something" by Hemingway. Though it's very different - there is no triggering event there as here - I don't know, the comparison just struck me.

Your exceptional balance of description and dialogue and inner thought made this story incredibly compelling and what really drove it was how masterfully I felt you captured Hermione every step of the way. You captured the other canon characters well too of course, but Hermione was obviously the center and you just handled her through so many challenging, soul-crushing situations/revelations so expertly - and tying in Crookshanks who she and Ron have always squabbled over as being closer to her throughout it all - brilliant. 100 percent.

Thanks so much for participating and sharing this story with us!

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Review #23, by TidalDragon19226: 19226

10th April 2016:
Howdy Sam! Stopping by to R&R as I work through all of the Knockout Challenge entries.

This was...not being "Tom" I struggle to come up with the right words, but it gave me a very Shutter Island feel about it and Shutter Island being one of my favorite movies, psychological thriller sort of pieces being some of my favorite stories, movies, etc, this just really resonated with me. It goes without saying that the structure worked brilliantly toward that end, winding and then unwinding Ginny's disordered thinking.

The fact that you were able to achieve something like this while achieving such a delightful balance of description and inner thought in such a short piece is also truly enviable.

Thanks so much for participating!

Author's Response: Hey Kevin!

Thank you so much for the review! It really excites me that you're making your way through the stories, and I really look forward to see how each of the brackets will work out!

And I love your reaction! It is very flattering to have my story compared to something that you like so much. I wasn't sure if everything I was trying to do would come across in this story, so I am glad that my risks seemed to payoff!

Thanks again for the review, and for hosting/MCing this wonderful challenge!


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Review #24, by TidalDragonUnforgivable: Imperio

10th April 2016:
Howdy Branwen! I am little more than halfway done with my quest to R&R all the Knockout Challenge entries today, but I have finally had the good fortune of reaching yours.

This was quite an interesting take on Astoria, not altogether different from what I've read of her before, but at the same time, no riddled with the tired perfection or lesser pureblood evil that seems to so often accompany her canonical pairing with Draco. You made her strong and yet vulnerable at the same time. A good person, but insecure in the validity of her goodness. It was truly a portrait well-painted.

As for the mechanics, I always enjoy the balance you find between dialogue, description, and inner thought. It's never the same exactly, but in your work, it always seems to be on song for the particular piece. Here, I think dialogue and description were your strongest suits - the latter earlier on and then the former beautifully rendered in Daphne's appearance as the sister who is only too happy to twist the knife with a smile on her face. And then this revelation of an older Greengrass brother - and a hero to boot! I liked him (even if he is a snake :p).

Thanks for participating!

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Review #25, by TidalDragonMoving Forwards: Moving Forwards

10th April 2016:
Howdy Vicki! I'm trying to complete an all-day blitz of the R&R-ing of the Knockout Challenge entries, so here I am.

First things first, I did notice a couple of typos up top and a misused word, "ineligible" instead of "illegible" - not a big deal, but I never know if people beat themselves up over them for editing purposes so I've taken to just saying so in case you're a big fan of editing to make things perfect (unlike me :p).

More importantly though, let me say that (though I have many more to read) you are one of only two entries that I've read that have allowed disconnection to give much chance at rebirth. While I wouldn't say that skew was entirely unexpected, I still like to acknowledge when someone's taken the road less traveled - kudos.

Anyway, we should move on to your exceptional story now, shouldn't we? Normally I'm not a fan of infidelity in fic, but I thought you handled it with a reality and maturity that doesn't happen often and it was refreshing to see. Rose has gotten herself into a difficult place with some seriously abysmal decision-making, but you wrote her pain so well, and her acknowledgement of her own idiocy and acceptance of fault so earnestly that even I couldn't help but feel what she was going through.

From a structural perspective, I also though the way you wove in memories and the substantial Scorpius/Rose flashback really worked well for what you were trying to accomplish - anchoring her agony and remorse in real things and events rather than leaving them an unaccompanied "woe is me" inner monologue.

Congratulations on a moving story! Thanks so much for participating!

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