Reading Reviews From Member: TidalDragon
  
509 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragonNo Room at the Inn.: No Room at the Inn.

25th April 2015:
Howdy! I'm terribly sorry for the long delay in getting here, but life's been absolutely nuts. Now that I have arrived though, I'm incredibly glad I did because THIS is why I love the monthly review exchange! There's no doubt that I NEVER would have read this story otherwise, and I would have been missing out in a big way.

I thought the characterization throughout the entirety of the piece was spot on - an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish given the very delicate state the family is in. What made it more impressive it how effectively you used observations and adjectives to get across or underscore emotion. A lesser piece would have been far shorter and/or far more literal in that regard.

My other favorite aspect of the story was the way you allowed the mystery of HOW Lydia became a werewolf to hang as an open question that I yearned for an answer to throughout the story, right up until the blowout between mother and son (+ daughter-in-law). Even when you got there you resisted the temptation to get overly detailed about it, which was great because it reinforced the emphasis of the story being on the emotions in play and the fractured relationships versus the supportive one rather than the event that caused it.

If I had any CC for you, it's that: (1) I thought Alexandrina got a bit repetitive at times with turns of phrase/thought and (2) I did think it ended a bit abruptly. With the latter, I absolutely love the final line, but I suppose, for me, I would have let Christmas and the further "not your fault" bit lay and inserted that line as the close after "...turned her face to look at her." Shrug. It's ultimately a stylistic choice though and reaching at straws in an exceptionally well-written story.

Thanks for sharing this and good luck with the challenges!

Author's Response: Thank you so so much for this review. Reading your story, I was wondering if you'd like this, as your story is such a different style and has far more HAPPENING. My stories often tend to take place after the event is over.

The mystery of how she became a werewolf was less intentional and more because well, firstly nobody KNOWS all the details. Lydia doesn't remember much about it and nobody else in the family was there. And also because it's such a touchy subject for her that it can't really be mentioned while she's around.

Yeah, I know the last paragraph or two are DIRE. I've rewritten them over and over again and they don't seem to get any better. I'll take another look at it in light of your suggestions, and also at the repetitiveness. Thanks for pointing that stuff out.

And thanks for wishing me look with my story for the challenges. A lot of the same characters appear in that actually but it's quite a few years later.

Anyway, thanks again for the review. I enjoyed our swap.


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Review #2, by TidalDragonRace Against Time : Chapter 2

25th April 2015:
Hello again!

I'll open by saying that one of the first things I noticed about this chapter was the contrast in effectiveness of the direct style I enjoyed earlier. In Chapter 1, because there was less dialogue being exchanged, that style came across as distinctively Emmeline, but here though I think that remains the true situation, it felt a bit more explanatory and literal. Particularly during the conversation with Dumbledore, I thought points explained in this fashion in Emmeline's thoughts could have been done more effectively via her observations of others' reactions, etc (which would be in keeping with her career path too). It's possible that slowing the pace a little would avoid this issue too.

That said, I still think you did a good job of keeping the unique character you created consistent both internally and in her relations to others. The near breakdown was a nice touch as well because it added a dimension of latent, highly specific vulnerability that gave an extra dimension to Emmeline (I assume they had some relationship in the original story based on this - or that she at least had feelings for him?). I also thought you captured Dumbledore well in terms of dialogue and demeanor. He is so, SO hard to write (at least in my opinion), but you made him come across as still engaging with Remus and Emmeline to an extent rather than speaking TOO enigmatically and dismissively. That's something I really struggled with recently in my own novel so KUDOS.

All in all an auspicious start to an intriguing tale! Good luck hitting your goal for Camp NaNo (Lord knows I won't be)!

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Review #3, by TidalDragonRace Against Time : Chapter 1

25th April 2015:
Howdy Meg! Sorry for the delay - life's been a bit crazy lately.

At any rate, I enjoyed the beginning to this story, even though I haven't read the original. Because of that, I wasn't quite sure at the beginning whose perspective we were coming from, but you did a good job making that clear quickly enough for people in a position like me.

Speaking of that choice, Emmeline Vance is always a character that has somehow intrigued me. We don't know much of her from canon truly, but she's one of the few proud members (that we know of) of the original Order to fight in BOTH wars, which is a testament to her in itself. I'm looking forward to seeing more of her next chapter if that's on offer.

From a mechanics perspective, I think my favorite part of the chapter was probably the description of Remus and his place. It seemed so apt for the type of despondent, directionless living I imagine for him given his status and the loss of all his friends and you captured that mood even without being overly literal.

We don't have a lot in the way of characterization to go on, but Emmeline certainly seems determined, decisive, and direct, which seems quite appropriate for both an Auror and a "survivor personality" so well done.

See you in the next chapter!

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Review #4, by TidalDragonKeeping Vigil: Keeping Vigil

20th April 2015:
Howdy Kayla!

I'm trying desperately to resume all my old habits of reviewing everything that comes up for a vote here and so here I am!

This story was a really intriguing concept and I liked the visceral feel you gave it. Though I hate seeing James and Lily suffer even more in the afterlife it's undeniably realistic and even expected given the time-frame. Though I still insist the answer to your final question is an emphatic "YES!"

In terms of tweaks, the only things I really noticed were minor - mostly the repetition of particular words or ideas (the heaven vs. hell concept from the summary for instance - I thought once was more powerful and definitely sufficient). All in all it was a good take on a time we know nothing about from canon and quite original, but believable in how it addressed the situation, the individual characters, their dynamic, and the larger concept of grief.

Author's Response: Howdy Kevin! :D

Thanks for the lovely review! I honestly can't believe this fic has been nominated for anything. I keep pinching myself!

I think that they will be okay in time, and that it will get easier as Harry makes friends and finds people who love and care about him.

Thanks for your notes! I do see your points - repetition is something I've been experimenting with in my fics, but I don't think it was necessarily successful here. Right now, though, I need to focus my energies on Breathe and on other challenge fics I'm writing, as I have deadlines to meet. I am thinking of coming back to this and reworking it, and possibly continuing it. I'll definitely take another look at the things you've pointed out when I get around to fixing this up.

Thanks again for the review!!

-Kayla


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Review #5, by TidalDragonAtonement Is Coming: A Surprise Announcement

9th April 2015:
Howdy Kaitlin! I'm dropping by for the review battle and seeing the imbalance in reviews between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, I figured I'd follow on from where I left off in my review thread. Now, on to the meat!

The mood of this chapter was obviously a sharp contrast to the preceding one and given the summary you've provided I think that's a great choice. Since I happen to be something of a sucker for a great contrast, I'll give you a couple of objective reasons too. First, it's reflective of the time frame - people are starting to get comfortable, even if not fully - including our heroes, but behind the scenes (Chapter 1) things are more sinister still than they know. Second, and perhaps "deeper" is the fact that after the somewhat surprising conclusion to the first chapter, you bring people back a bit before having them surge further forward on the anti-pureblood conspiracy movement. I think this helps maintain believability and keep readers who may have been skeptical at first engaged.

As far as the mechanics themselves go, I thought you did a great job balancing dialogue, description, and inner thought. For me, that's so crucial especially in "ensemble" scenes because otherwise the reader can get lost in too much dialogue or it comes off unrealistic because so many people are noticing so many things instead of interacting.

I will say, as a kind of matter of course, I'm not a big fan of quoting other material, but that was a really minor point in a well-written follow-up to your first intriguing chapter.

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hi Kevin,

I'm so excited that you decided to read chapter 2. The reason for the imbalance in reviews is that I literally only posted this chapter a day before you reviewed it, so I think not too many people had a chance to get to it yet!

I'm glad the breakaway to the party helped the flow of the story. This entire story will shift focus between several different characters. Each chapter will be focused on one of them. Kind of similar to how the ASOIAF series is set up.

What a relief to hear the scene was well balanced. I struggled hard with this one. Possibly harder than with anything else I've written. I was so worried that it would just be too many people to make a coherent scene. This is really my first crack at writing a scene with more than characters. I'm so happy that you think I did alright at it.

I can understand the dislike of quotes. I try not to do it often. In fact, I think this is the only story where I actually have one. I just really thought that particular line was so fitting for that moment, so I couldn't resist.

Again, I'm so glad that you liked this. I hope that if you read further into the story you will like those chapters as well!

Thanks for the review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #6, by TidalDragonBreathe: i. Consequence

9th April 2015:
Howdy Kayla! Since I can't participate in CTF, I figured the least I could do on our off days was get some reviews in for the battle and since you'd posted a status about it, I thought this would be as good a place as any to start.

I'll lead by saying that I actually read this chapter twice. The first time, I'll confess I thought it read a bit literal, but on the second read through, I could see the purpose behind it better. I thought it matched the rawness of Sirius' emotions and the hardness of his character. I think there are some moments where this could be amplified by tightening up the sentence structure even more frequently than you did in the "center" (right after the letter) because I think it could have matched the more grasping, nervous mood he was in over the letter's contents. But it's a minor point anyway.

As far as the common things go, I caught a rare grammar PLUS - the "him and" - you weren't fooled by the urge to use "he" so kudos!

Though it's hard to comment in-depth on plot and characterization beyond what I've said about Sirius so far, I think it certainly has the potential to be quite an intriguing story, exploring the Marauders and their relationships at their nadir rather than the exciting highs we're used to seeing.

Thanks for sharing this with us and good luck as your plow forward (and in the challenge)!

Author's Response: Hiya Kevin! Thanks for the review - it's the first one on this story! :D
Since you confessed that you read this twice, I'll confess that I struggle with writing too literally, which often leads to people telling me my writing feels rushed. Here I felt it did serve a purpose, but generally it's something that I'm really trying to work on. I'll take a look to see where I can tighten things up a bit here. :)
Yeah, there aren't really all that many emotional stories about the Marauders, but angst is my niche and they're my favourite characters right now - it was inevitable for the two to collide :P This fic will mooostly be exploring James and Sirius' friendship, but there will be some stuff with the others in here too.
Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
-Kayla


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Review #7, by TidalDragonChaos Theory: ii. the journey

2nd April 2015:
Hello again!

What I liked about this chapter was how it continued the very natural flow of the piece. Unlike others you didn't force any cliffhangers or over-dramatic transitions and you stuck to the ordinary path of the beginning of a school year. You also maintained a nice balance between description, inner thought, and dialogue, which is always a major plus for me.

As a matter of taste, I wasn't a huge fan of the frequency of profanity here, but I won't deny it's realistic for the age group. Lord knows I remember myself at that age, swearing A LOT. On a "deeper" note, I did think that the introduction of so many characters did diminish the characterization a bit, but I imagine that's just going to be a bump in the road as you move forward.

Great start to what should be a great story!

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Review #8, by TidalDragonChaos Theory: i. the introduction

2nd April 2015:
Howdy Jess!

Since I can't participate in CTF, I'm excited to get the chance to do some reviewing in the battle and I figured there was no better place to start than the novel I'd heard you mention in a status update awhile ago.

I have to say, I was very impressed by this intro. Often I find they're too direct or too fast (or both), but here you captured that balance between characterization and setting the stage that is so crucial! I liked the snapshots of both important sides of Lucy's life - family and friends and the dynamics you established for each. The "black market" idea is a really inventive kick-on from what the Weasley twins got up to during (and after) their Hogwarts years and I'm interested to see how it plays out.

I also thought your description and word choice were impeccable. I'm woeful with description most of the time as my writing in that area tends to be overly direct and, as a result, less considered, but you again displayed great balance to take us inside the cramped car, give us the feel of the antics of the store, and other moments without getting overly elaborate with your language or excessively detailed.

An auspicious start! I'm excited to continue!

#TEAMRED

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Review #9, by TidalDragonThis Treasure: You Make Me Smile

1st April 2015:
Howdy Sian! Just your friendly gullible Gryffie, dropping by a day late to review your story for the exchange...

Anyway, this story was brilliant! How? Primarily in its simplicity. Despite the subject you didn't over-dramatize things or become verbose. You didn't focus on enormous memories - you focused on what you mentioned at the end - the small things. Snapshots of a life we never had the privilege to see, but that Ron cherished more than anything in the world.

I think the way you had their dynamic develop was excellent throughout. They definitely rang true as themselves, just more mature versions and you got the undertones of that across in their moments of banter in Ron's flashbacks.

I have to say you really pulled the emotion out of me. The end was really heartbreaking. I haven't lost anyone so close to me in that way before, but all I could think of was when I lost my dog the day after Christmas and how horrible it was to be unable to save him or really do anything but comfort him while he went. It still gets to me and this story evoked a lot of that emotion.

Supremely written, as always - I'm glad I got a chance to read this through the CR!

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Review #10, by TidalDragonHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Apothecary

1st April 2015:
Sorry this is even later, Kenny! I went to submit right when they rolled the archives to April Fool's and lost everything! But I'm trying to restore it now!

Since you said you wanted honesty, I'll start with CC. I think at the beginning there were some issues with word repetition and missing articles (a/an, the), though those are minor fixes. What stuck out most to me is that the story read quite literal. There was a lot of telling and explaining going on at various points rather than just slipping those bits into the story seamlessly and showing us what was going on. This stands out in the description of Dara at the top, but was present in other places too. It also made the pace feel rather rushed.

That said, one of the strong points was the plot proposal. So many people try to create a new "Dark Lord" shortly after Voldemort or in Next Gen, and that just doesn't follow for me. It's too soon. But a marginalized culture with an entirely different lore (and I suspect different kind of magic) could be quite interesting and unique. I also think you did a good job acknowledging the flipped prejudice that was bound to take place after good won a hard-fought victory.

Thanks for sharing this and good luck as you're going back through and editing! PM me if you need any clarifications or additional help!

Author's Response: Thank you, Kevin. I guess you have busy days after getting a promotion.

To tell the truth, I have currentaly a beta reader for this chapter, and she gave me advice which was exactly the same as yours but she's also busy, so I can 't go next(sigh).


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Review #11, by TidalDragonNot in the 'Mood': Conspiracy

31st March 2015:
Howdy! Very sorry for the delay, but here I am! You are NOT forgotten.

As far as the mood of the story goes, if you were going for "amusing, but still aware of the darkness of the times" then you got the mood right.

With Moody...I think the patterns of his language are correct overall and the word choice was mostly strong. As I read his dialogue, I could definitely picture him saying those things in his authoritative, surly way and I thought his obvious workaholism and fixation of jailing wrongdoers over his own happiness and personal freedoms was spot on. Constant vigilance was perhaps a tad overused though...

General concerns with the rest of the story? I was a bit surprised everyone was going around calling him "Alastor." Though I understand we're not to believe he was Head Auror or anything, clearly based on experience, he'd be senior to Frank and Alice if not outright supervisory over them. Perhaps your head canon is that it's all esprit de corps and Moody believes in first-name basis even with folks who are pretty close to rookies in his book - if so, drop the sirs from Frank. If not, I'd recommend making it a little more formal - last names at least - that's how cops refer to one another most of the time and I think Aurors would fit into the same personnel category as a standard LEO.

Overall, I enjoyed the story though. I thought it flowed fine (impressively well really, given the limited number of separate scenes and one-shot format) and kept interest throughout.

Thanks for sharing! I hope you've found the review helpful and if you want any follow-up feel free to PM me anytime!

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Review #12, by TidalDragonPitch Black Night: Chapter 1

31st March 2015:
Howdy Kaitlin! Sorry for yet another delay :(

Before I get into the nitty-gritty I'll say outright that I don't really evaluate "holds interest" for stories with fewer than 3,000 words just because they're short enough that once I've clicked in, I'm always going to finish.

Now for the meat! I'll lead by saying that I thought the description in the story was a strong point. You didn't overpower us with it, but you gave us details beyond bland identifiers that made it easier to truly visualize things that lesser writers leave out of mundane things like doors and fur like design and texture.

In terms of plot, I certainly found the piece believable. Though I never really paid attention to them before they were pointed out in threads here the signs are definitely present in canon to make this pairing viable and I think it's a really interesting take that Sirius was the mastermind behind becoming Animagi and that love was an impetus. I don't know how I feel about how bluntly he expressed that, but at the same time can't (without really wrestling with it) think of a better way necessarily.

The use of second-person was interesting. The intersection of your excellent descriptions and the POV were, for me, a bit different because most second-person I've read or written has all been so mental/emotional that straight description of it felt a bit unusual. That's not to say that great descriptions don't have their place in second-person - they absolutely do - but it felt like we needed more of a "reason" for them being noticed given the POV. To achieve that, I'd try to find ways to project the thought and emotion elements more into the story, connection them with descriptions (like the Black Lake as a metaphor for his conflict about what's about to happen - him being placid on the outside, but underneath, roiling with [blah-de-blah] like the Giant Squid) or some such thing.

Anyway, I hope despite its lateness, you've found this constructive and helpful. Feel free to PM as always if you want follow-up on any of this!

Author's Response: Hey Kevin,

No worries on the delay. I realize when I make requests that it is at the convenience of whoever is reviewing and no one else. You never need to feel rushed to get to my stuff.

I'm glad that you liked the descriptiveness. I always try really hard to describe things, but in this particular story it was even harder because of the 2nd person POV.

I had never given much thought to Wolfstar myself. In fact, I didn't know it even existed until about a month into my time here on the forums, but as you pointed out, there is a good bit of cannon hints to point to it at least being plausible.

The transformation into an animagus being Sirius' idea was just me playing with ways to demonstrate love instead of just verbally expressing it. I think it's significant that his best friends would do this for him in the first place and regardless of romantic intention or not, that clearly shows how much they all love their friend.

Your point about needing more emotional connection is duly noted. Since this was my first time writing 2nd person, I really struggled trying to figure out how to balance the thoughts in Sirius' head, the things happening around him, and the action.

I am planning to go through and re-edit everything I've posted so far, so when I get to this one, I will absolutely keep your advice in mind!

Thank you so much as always for leaving me such a helpful review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #13, by TidalDragonThe Most Powerfully Magical Number: And One

15th March 2015:
Here I am at the end! I'll confess this chapter presented quite a jarring contrast for me with the previous three. It was far more literal in terms of literally providing an explanation throughout nearly its entirety, but left so much unresolved. If there's a sequel, that makes sense I suppose, but if not - it feel like perhaps this could have been developed more fully through multiple additional chapters. As done it seemed a little rushed to me.

Nevertheless, the premise is an interesting one and when we finally got around to understanding the prophecy (at least as Hermione understood it) it brought an added dimension to the family you set us up to like quite a bit through the previous chapters.

An interesting finish to an interesting tale. Thanks for sharing!

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Review #14, by TidalDragonThe Most Powerfully Magical Number: And Three

15th March 2015:
And now you've showcased your skill with the long action! This was a really well-rendered battle I think. Though a few typos slipped in - "which" instead of "witch" for example - you crafted a very immersive experience and included some great nuances for "team" fighting that I think make a lot of sense. It's interesting to see the dichotomy between your description of that style in action and most of what we see in canon, which is obviously one-on-one duels. There are references to fights that are mismatched in numbers, but we don't get any real detail so it made your perspective even more unique.

I will say that some of the action came at the slight expense of the "show-don't-tell" you'd established so well with characterizations in the first two chapters, but it was nothing I got broken up about on this occasion. Slightly more odd was the fact that the students could how the attackers at bay for a time, even taking some down temporarily, but the two highly-accomplished professors were unable to make headway and the students were unable to capitalize despite the attackers seemingly shifted focus. This rang a bit off to me as divided attention should have accrued to their advantage, but perhaps fog of war is simply obscuring the reason for me.

I'm carrying on now to the fourth and final chapter! Great work so far!

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Review #15, by TidalDragonThe Most Powerfully Magical Number: And Two

15th March 2015:
Well, well...it seems you write action and mystery-based tension as well as you do family drama!

This chapter was a highly enjoyable read too. You maintained the characterizations for Adam and Emily you'd already established here and gave us more of Matt and Derrick within the confines of their first real mission. Again, this made some of the introductory stuff about the more seamless within the story which is always great. And you properly used a semi-colon! Hooray!

I only noticed minor things in terms of CC. The first and more important I think was that there were a few cases where you used the same word or words in back-to-back sentences. One example is the end of Emily's confrontation mid-duel with Toya where you use the word force a second time within five words of its first usage. The second is that, though well-described and paced from piece to piece, the duel felt a bit short to me. I admit that I tend to go inside duellist's minds though so perhaps that one's just me.

Great job again though! I'm on to the next chapter!

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Review #16, by TidalDragonThe Most Powerfully Magical Number: One

15th March 2015:
Though it's taken me FOREVER to get here - something for which I profusely apologize - I am very glad that I did.

So far this story is quite interesting. I like how you set up the family relationships and dynamics in more relaxed way right at the start, but without force-feeding them to us. The reason they came up at all was plausible and the fact that you used dialogue and body language to really underscore your descriptions made them that much better.

Speaking of dialogue: I think you did a sensational job with that! You dealt with a lot of different characters and put them in a familiar, yet complex situation and still managed to keep them all differentiable in terms of voice and delivery. That's quite an accomplishment.

The other thing I really appreciated was the way you used the Harmons to create the magical-muggle tension we know so well, but also to showcase some cultural differences between the United States and the U.K.

That family stuff also lulled us in quite nicely for the surprise that was to come at the end - I'm looking forward to reading on through the rest of your story!

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Review #17, by TidalDragonIn Fields of Poppies: Bite the Bullet

13th March 2015:
And of course just as I comment on the seeming hypocrisy, Lily acknowledges it in a sense. It's interesting to see the evolution in her character and the relationship with Snape deteriorating over the year. It's setting up the beginning of the end nicely, though I will say she still seems a little more pro-Potter than I'd have expected at that point given Snape's Worst Memory. However, the more I think about it that's actually interesting to consider because we of course see that from Snape's perspective, tinged with his view which is quite unlikely to be objective - so fair play to you there I guess.

It's also quite interesting how you have the Phil and Jack set up differently in their attitudes about the wars they're in and then Lily somewhere in the middle, with a visceral awareness and knowledge that she has to stand up, but much more bitterness and conflict about what's going on than Jack.

While we're not too far in yet, I definitely think the story shows loads of promise with the unique approach and style and the strong use of language you've displayed throughout!

I hope you've found these (very late) reviews helpful! Feel free to drop me a PM or re-request if you'd got any questions or want me to carry on (though I may just do so on my own if life calms down eventually)!

Author's Response: I really appreciate your thoughts on Lily. She's my absolute favorite character, and I always enjoy getting to talk to people about her. It's actually taken a lot of restraint to not respond to your reviews with essays about her character, but I figure this isn't the forum for that.

As for her being pro-Potter, I think she had to have been at least slightly more so than people think. I think the fact that she marries him two years after Snape's Worst Memory says a lot more than her losing her temper on him. A matter of personal opinion, I think. :)

I'm really glad you're enjoying this so far, and I really appreciate the reviews! Thank you so much! :)


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Review #18, by TidalDragonIn Fields of Poppies: War Stories

13th March 2015:
Hello again! I'll start by saying I don't think you have anything to worry about with flow or pacing. You've set up a nice block style that transitions very well from scene to scene, even across the boundaries of time, which is impressive. Stylistically, I think it's a great device, especially in light of the title and the overall thrust of the story - that Lily was the next in a family of fighters. I already like how the similarities and differences in their individual circumstances are developing and I can't wait to see how that continues throughout the story.

As far as Lily's characterization, I'd say she's a bit more generally aggressive than in canon, at least as I imagine her. It's not the hexing itself so much as the near hypocrisy. I suppose she can justify it based on the fact that she (sort of) has a reason for it, but given that she reads James the riot act for what he does in Spring 1976, it's hard to imagine her engaging in arguably similar (if less openly mean-spirited) conduct. Perhaps since you indicated that the long game for this story is some James/Lily, that's at play there, but it's just food for thought.

Moving on to Chapter 3!

Author's Response: Hello!

As you said, the thrust of this story is that Lily is next in a family of soldiers, and that is what I'm basing her characterization on. Part of my intention when I started writing this story was to show a harsher interpretation of Lily, one that really puts emphasis on the fact that she fought in a war right out of school and spent her whole life fighting oppression. It was born out of a frustration with seeing these parts of her (which are like, the MOST INTERESTING PARTS), pretty much completely ignored. I imagine she's a bit more aggressive than most people are used to imagining her.

And it's possible that the pendulum swung a bit too far in the other direction.

Thank you very much for your feedback, I'll keep it in mind for future chapters!


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Review #19, by TidalDragonIn Fields of Poppies: Prologue: Her War

13th March 2015:
Howdy! I won't bore you too much with a dreadfully inadequate apology, but just know that I really am sorry. Thus far 2015 has been absolute madness and everything seems to be exploding in mid-March.

Anyway - on to your story! I think this prologue is a very interesting start. I don't think I've read one where it mostly presents the unknown history of a character that we feel like we know and compares and contrasts that character with the history. It's unique. I like it as a device and I like it more that you used strong, evocative language to create the imagery required to really drive it.

I did notice a typo at the beginning - a "you" where you meant a "your" - but no big deal. We're off to an auspicious start and hopefully I'll have real answers for your substantive questions starting next chapter with the substantive story!

I'll repay you the review I owe you by hitting Chapter 3, which I don't think was up when you made your request.

Author's Response: Hello! Don't apologize for being late, life happens. :)

I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! I know it's very different than usually fanfic fare, so I'm always a little afraid people will just think it's weird.

Thank you for the review! :)


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Review #20, by TidalDragonTo Fear A Full Moon: Chapter 1

13th March 2015:
Howdy Kaitlin! My lateness is inexcusable I know, but I finally made it. With work really piling on my motivation for anything other than a diversion on the forums has really be waning recently, but I'm trying to get back up to speed. Anyway, on to the part you actually care about!

I think the story absolutely makes sense in its current format. I think the end is a little jarring in contrast to the narrative that preceded it, and that it might be wise to devise a softer transition, but it's definitely fine in terms of coherence if that's what you're concerned about.

Pansy's characterization is an interesting question. I would say she is believable. You demonstrate her ignorance through her actions and speech and her intensity through the lengths she goes to in order to track down John. The only difficulties I really have with her are: (1) her being in such a role in a "new-look" Ministry given her stances and statement at the Battle of Hogwarts and (2) how she gained the platform to get this piece published with The Prophet given what she writes at the end.

Still, I think the plot you've laid out here is a great one and the message you deliver about Pansy's growth (and through that how easy privilege makes it to ignore the injustice created by blind prejudice or empty acceptance of one's socialization) is also excellent. Exchanging some current language for stronger, more evocative words would amplify that message by immersing us more in Pansy's story, but that's only a matter of tweaks.

Thanks for putting this in my thread! I'm glad I got the chance to read it!

Author's Response: Hey Kevin,

Thanks for making it to my story! I totally get how work can grind you down. I have that same problem too.

I'm glad that the story makes sense in it's format and that it's coherent. I am a bit worried about the ending and am already in the process of adjusting it a bit.

It's good that Pansy is believable because I worked really hard at finding a natural way for her to grow. I'm not really sure what you mean by her "role" in the Ministry as she isn't in the ministry. Also, this is probably my fault from the review request because I mentioned that it was originally intended to be an article for The Daily Prophet, but when it was rejected due to it being an article...I re-wrote to be more like she was telling someone her specific story.

I will work on pushing the language for sure. As I get more comfortable writing, I'm working on finding different ways to say things. This was literally only the second thing I've ever written. :)

Thanks for the advice! I'm glad you liked it!

~Kaitlin


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Review #21, by TidalDragonOff the Rails: eight

5th March 2015:
Well, well - the intrigue continues when it comes to the relationship between James and Harry. It really makes me wonder what happened and when or what's going on between them that James doesn't even like to be around him.

Lily continues to be an independent spitfire too of course, and so it's little surprise she'd like Carlotta, who has more than her fair share of spunk and attitude as well. James would probably do well to see that they don't ever join forces and gang up on him - that could get ugly and FAST.

I have to turn in for the moment, but I'm looking forward to picking up where I've left off soon!

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Review #22, by TidalDragonOff the Rails: seven

5th March 2015:
Chopping the season in half?! That's downright criminal! I suppose that will give plenty more time for Carlotta and James's connection to blossom. She's certainly showing herself to be much more than just a bartender though, with the cooking skills and the helping take care of James. I wonder though, is she really going to prove that caring of a soul? I hope so - otherwise it seems awful quick for her to be cooking a freezer full of meals for him.

At any rate, I'm looking forward with interest to the next chapter - it's surprising how fast I'm able to read and enjoy this piece - KUDOS.

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Review #23, by TidalDragonOff the Rails: six

5th March 2015:
Despite the inclusion of the more drinking, partying, and innuendo this chapter was something of a change of pace in one major regard - the reactions of James's friends and family to the situation with Carlotta. Now, I'll have to confess straight out that I'm more on James's side. Statute of Secrecy or not, there really doesn't seem to be a problem with dating a muggle for witches and wizards. It's clear that plenty have done it over the years to no ill-effects. While I grant you that none may have been as famous as James, and accordingly, perhaps not as vulnerable (at least financially, but perhaps in additional ways), I don't really see what the big deal is.

I was right before though - smitten is definitely correct. James is all about Carlotta and it's nice to see that it appears to be partially for the right reasons - a matching sensor of humor, desire for adventure, and lack of fear when it comes to standing up to or interacting with him.

Well done!

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Review #24, by TidalDragonOff the Rails: five

5th March 2015:
Carlotta has definitely had an impact on James now. It's interesting to see him at the end of this chapter sliding into awkwardness more typical of "lesser beings." To her credit she doesn't call him out on the change with even a raised eyebrow though.

It was also interesting to see that he ISN'T entirely self-centered. Between trying to help Brigid and his detailed memory of every Weasley jumper, it seems like James is actually more "decent" (to use the word he used to describe Carlotta) than he wants to let on. Is he perhaps hiding his true self for his career or is he just changing?

I can't wait to see how he develops!

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Review #25, by TidalDragonOff the Rails: four

5th March 2015:
What's really driven this story for me so far are the dynamics. You've done interesting things with each that you've addressed so far and that DEFINITELY carried on with James and Ginny and the references to issues between James and Harry that first appeared in at the end of the chapter with Lily's birthday. I think what I enjoyed about the James and Ginny dynamic (aside from you putting the spunk in Ginny's character that is so often lacking) is their bond over Quidditch and the fact that she knows her son like an open book and tells him how it is. Great.

You also created quite a personality for Carlotta. I'm interested to see how she develops throughout the piece, especially with James seeming to be -gasp- starting to get smitten.

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