Reading Reviews From Member: TidalDragon
630 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragonInside Death: 01: Whispers in June

27th November 2015:
Speaking of easing the transitions in scattered thinking, you did a much better job of it here. Though there's obviously a lot happening once you get us to the Slytherin CR and Ilyana's reactions definitely differ from the way she's forced to keep up appearances, you make the flow of her thoughts seem much more natural and normal.

I also liked the characterization of Ilyana in this chapter. I think it would have been too easy to have someone in her situation be squared away with what side they fall on and have a ready reaction to Dumbledore's death and what should or could come next and I was glad to see you didn't take that route. It makes your MC much more real and human instead of solid and perfect.

I will note that I didn't quite follow the exchange between Pansy and Daphne Greengrass or why Daphne was crying. If that's a mystery to be revealed later in the story, just ignore this (I assume that's what it is), but it just rang a bit strange because we do know that the Greengrass family is pureblood (though perhaps you're weaving an adoption storyline - I don't know).

Anyhow, the story is keeping me intrigued thus far - and I particularly liked your language at the end of this chapter here post-funeral. I'll see you in Chapter 3 after I get some sleep.

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Review #2, by TidalDragonInside Death: Prologue: June 1980

27th November 2015:
Well, I had a review all typed up and then I accidentally hit the left arrow. GRR.

Anyway, though "new" characters in Hogwarts Era aren't really my cup of tea, I can see the appeal in this one because it's more of a "hidden" character situation that will not distort canon events, but instead provide a different lens through which they can be viewed, which I think is interesting and valuable.

I also like the way you've set up Julienne and the competing struggles that would have been very real for many in society - the choice between their own safety and that of their families and standing up for what is right. In her case, it's obviously coupled with the reluctance to lead the life she's living, but the inescapable fear that is very realistic of wartime (especially what's essentially a civil war).

The one thing I'd tweak about this chapter is that Julienne's thoughts, while appropriate, come across quite disjointed, I think owing to the sharp transitions between action and thought and then different lines of thought. Perhaps easing us in a little more on those can allow you to retain to tactical choice of scattered thinking, but without the choppiness I perceived on my first read-through.

Hope this helps! See you in the next chapter!

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Review #3, by TidalDragonBroken Glass: Part One

26th November 2015:
Howdy! First let me apologize for being so late. Work's been a nightmare and then NaNo struck, which, despite my failure to get anywhere near my goal, still does swallow a lot of time with the effort.

As for your story, I thought it was nice to see someone try to capture this oft-voiced, rarely-written concept - that Remus WASN'T always "in" with James and Sirius. I think that fits with the oft-accepted head canon that he's more studious and more of a "thinker" and so you can see where a few of their criticisms early in the chapter would stick.

I think the biggest thing I'd want to see more of here is content. When I first got back into writing fiction I know it was a challenge to get as many words down and to fully express my scenes the way I absolutely wanted, but if you come back, work at it, and refine, I think adding more to each half of this would really flesh out what you're trying to achieve more fully and give readers more of the characters at this phase in their lives to latch on to.

Hope this helps!

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Review #4, by TidalDragonA Wedding: A Secret

26th November 2015:
Things got awkward fast there didn't they? But what would a story with this summary be without the angst that I'm sure will follow?

As expected, I got more development albeit in tidbits, of Lily (II). Seems she's just sweet and innocent after all. And every inch of the daddy's little girl archetype (at least for now). It's an interesting choice to see her fit that mold I'll confess, her being Ginny's daughter, but I don't mind it.

Speaking of Ginny, I do like the way you write the Harry/Ginny dynamic. She's definitely take-charge while he's completely laid-back, which is true to canon, but I liked the way you used the backdrop of the wedding and associated stress to bring that to the fore better than beating us over the head with it because I do imagine that while it would be the case consistently, they're ultimately an equitable, balanced pair.

The tidbit of CC I'd offer here is something I wasn't sure of in Chapter 1, but noticed more of again, so now I'll mention. There are a few words in both chapters that you get a bit repetitive with. Last time I know drawled was one of them in dialogue tags, here I picked out snapped as an example. While it's nice you're trying to make the dialogue tags appropriately descriptive, I'd recommend relying more on your (very apt) descriptions of facial expressions and body language and, particularly in the more ping-pong exchanges, considering dropping the tags altogether given that we know who's speaking and can get the mood from preceding paragraphs and context.

Thanks for sharing, as always, and sorry again for being so late. :(

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks so much for the review and I'm super happy that you decided to check this second chapter out too. This story is pretty fresh and the reception has been lukewarm but that's okay, I totally needed to get a different perspective on this chapter in particular.

I wasn't too keen on it because I noticed after reading it (Three days after it was posted of course) that there were way too many little things that bugged me. I tend to repeat the same words a lot and it was pretty obvious in this chapter and so I'll be going through and cleaning that up for sure. It's such a pain that I'm so lazy...

I think that Lily would be a pretty sweet girl in my universe. I describe her in another story as being kind of "loopy", which was my little nod to Luna Lovegood. I honestly based her and Lavender Patil off of Luna because I adore her but I'm glad that Lily seems like her own. I didn't want her to be TOO similar to Ginny or Harry, I think she plays Quidditch at the moment but not because she actually wants to but I haven't mentioned that yet.

Ugh, I am so relieved that you liked Harry and Ginny. I was really worried about them because I've never written them together and have no idea how to pull them off. I was guessing and pulling strings with these two but I always wanted to make it clear that neither of them are perfect parents. Stress in relationships is a realistic thing to include and from what I mentioned in the previous chapter, Ginny was already kind of on edge. Harry on the other hand is more laid back than she is but he did make a little jibe about her worrying too much about what Fleur and the others thought.

I'm SO happy that their relationship seemed balanced out though. I really get scared of writing these characters, no one else has noticed that I haven't dared included Ron or Hermione yet. That is totally on purpose.


Yeah, like I said above...I tend to use the same words over and over again. It's one of my biggest flaws as a writer, I'll go through and fix all that junk.

The angst is coming but this is more of a comedy, I think than my usual "doom" stories and I really do hope you found it at least a little funny. ;__;

Thanks a bunch!

Much love,


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Review #5, by TidalDragonA Wedding: A Wedding

26th November 2015:
Well look who's finally turned's me, your delinquent reviewer! Anyway, I'm determined to get to both chapters tonight since I owe you penance for my extreme delay.

I will say that on the whole, I like the build-up and background in this chapter. The characterization is, as ever, one of your strongest suits and here I think it was assisted by your judicious use of flashbacks and references to past events. If there's one character I don't think got enough play, it's perhaps Lily (II), as it's not entirely clear from this piece what her deal is. Is she aloof, kind, does that change with the wind? Or is the distance just because of their ages and the fact that she's a girl and he's a guy and they're siblings? Maybe it's coming in future chapters though.

The biggest thing I'd look at on edits though is rather minor, but nonetheless distracting. Here where you pepper dialogue into Albus's inner thoughts, you repeatedly seem to attach the dialogue to the wrong line, separating it from the tag because of bad punctuation. Look at the "doomed" dialogue at the top to see examples of what I mean and you'll find reading on that it continues in that fashion in other places throughout.

Now I am on to the next chapter to see what disaster DOES unfold!

Author's Response: HELLO!

Well, well, well. I was beginning to think that you weren't going to show up! *Gives you the disappointed Mum look* I'm happy to see you finally and just for you, Transparent is back up with a fresh chapter so you had better believe that I'm requesting your wisdom!

On to this!

I was pretty worried about characterization in this story because I've only ever written Albus as eleven years old. He's not that mature, mind you but I was really comfortable with his mindset and when it comes to Lily II, I've never written her before. I have no idea really what she's about in this first chapter but I think she turned out to be a good mixture of her mother and Luna Lovegood in the second.

I was told that the flashbacks were too much and looking on a few of them, I probably should have edited it more. There are a lot of mistakes in this first chapter too that I haven't cleaned up, I'll have to go in and fix them eventually. I've just started writing again so I'm pretty rusty! Nyooo.

Thanks so much!

Much love,


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Review #6, by TidalDragonAttack on the Death Eaters: Attack On the Death Eaters

1st November 2015:
Howdy Kenny! Sorry I'm running a little late for the review exchange, but here I am!

What I enjoyed most about your story was the extra layer of humanity that it gave to Draco's character. Though I choose to believe that he never truly reformed, there's no question that the events you describe (and those in HBP as well) would have had a profound effect on him and the prism through which he views Voldemort and his movement. You put that on display nicely.

One thing that I think was a challenge for the story was addressing Harry's POV through scenes that we've, in essence, already seen from that POV in canon. While yours add an extra dimension of emotion and introspection, it just doesn't seem strictly necessary to split POVs here and might actually make a more coherent narrative if it were told in its entirety from Draco's perspective.

Though I wasn't precisely sure how the final paragraph connected with the remainder, I will say that I did enjoy it - something I didn't expect with a 2nd person POV on this topic. What makes it effective is that it really taps into some of the deep emotion at play for Harry in the times/situations described. For that reason I think it also presents a rather unique way that notwithstanding what I said above, you may be able to incorporate a Harry POV while maintaining greater coherence.

All in all a good start, and I want to compliment you on the leaps and bounds in your writing since I first started reading it. Keep going because all the effort I know you put it really does show!

Author's Response: Hallo, Kevin! Thank you for stopping by.

As you wrote," I enjoyed most about your story was the extra layer of humanity that it gave to Draco's character.", I can't stop portraying him like that, I like to focus on the villain's weak humanity. It may be very Asian ideology, "hate sin, don't hate the man who did sin".

I understand what you meant, Kevin. I wondered which POV would be better before writing this and conluded that it would be interesting to describe each scene from the both sides and I thought it might be more interesting to write the last part from the 2nd Person POV. I just tried to make both side's POV conspicuous alone and I tried writing the battle scene like our contry's author, Yasushi Inoue did in his work. If you have time to spare, I hope you can get English translated one, I recommend you to read, "The Silk Road" filmed in 1988.

Thank you again for your encouragement,Kevin!


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Review #7, by TidalDragonMARAUDERS: The One With The Very Merry Little Christmas

1st November 2015:
Howdy Lauren! It's a LITTLE late, but I'm here with my review for the exchange!

To begin with, this story was EXCEPTIONAL. From the development to the dialogue to the characterizations, everything read as on-point, which is really hard for people to do for me in the Marauders Era given all the dynamics and my own head canons and everything.

So where to begin? Let's talk characterization and dialogue together. I thought you did a great job giving each character their own unique voice. You took the time and effort to not just giving them different words, but different manners of expression. Marlene is rather blunt and even sarcastic. Remus speaks more briefly. Sirius is gregarious. And you dovetail their words with the actions and descriptions so effectively. Bravo!

I also enjoyed the way you progressed the plot here. Though it did require some explanation up-front to set, I didn't think that was excessive and it enabled you to do something very different with the 7th year holidays. While it's not rare that we see Lily heading to the Potters (or vice-versa) I think having the whole cast of character you assembled there is pretty unique and the way you had them feed off each other was also special.

Congratulations on a truly great piece!

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Review #8, by TidalDragonHunter's Moon: Hunter's Moon

4th October 2015:
Howdy! First of all, I'm terribly sorry for the long delay. Work took over life, I started volunteer coaching again, etc., etc., whine whine whine. But I'm here now and finally with feedback!

I really liked the patience with this piece which is typically quite uncharacteristic of one-shots because I felt it gave you time to make the characterizations - particularly between the Marauders and then between James and Lily - work. Done in a more typical length, the latter especially would strike most as odd I think given it's already October, but taking the extra time allowed you to paint the reasons while also making us FEEL more from James's perspective and accordingly get more payoff when Lily softens at the end. I definitely loved that a lot of the issues between James and Lily were misunderstandings too and the comment about them truthfully being quite similar as that's always how I've seen it in my head canon as well (except for the part where James was always into her and was serious throughout fifth year).

Just so I'm not focusing so much on them though, let's talk about the Marauders. Though I think all of us who write that era with James/Lily in mind tend to have similar "big picture" views of them (which were on show here), you captured two of the things about them that can be so essential - the banter and the situation/attitudes surrounding Remus's lycanthropy. Those were done MASTERFULLY here and I really enjoyed reading it.

If I had one bone to pick about the dynamics it would be that they did come across as "telly" on occasion, with either dialogue or prose revealing the deeper dynamics at play, but overall it was a minor point given it's a one-shot because a few of those instances were almost unavoidable given the format.

Anyway, thanks for sharing! Sorry again for taking so long!

Author's Response: Hello and apologizes for the delayed response :( I was stuck working extra this week.

Thank you for your very kind words! I thought it was interesting that you haven't always seen James as into Lily -- I definitely have, since he seemed to have such an emotional response to being turned down (rather than laughing it off or dismissing it). I was forced to stick to the big picture view due to the length constraints of a one-shot (and it was already over 6K so what choice did I have), though I tried to sneak in "quieter" moments.

I wish you'd elaborated on what telly means exactly, since I think I have an idea of what you mean, but I'd love to know more. I'm interpreting it as James and Lily openly discussing backstory that they should already know/coming off sort of movie-like in that sense, which I do agree with. It's an annoying situation to be in because I feel the need to make sure my audience is on the same page as me and my characters, though logically, my characters shouldn't feel the need to describe. It's frustrating, and I hope to have a more elegant solution to it as a writer in the future.

Thank you for your review :)

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Review #9, by TidalDragonalways. : lily.

4th October 2015:
Howdy! I'm horribly sorry for being so late, but life has been threatening to swallow me whole lately. BLARG.

Anyhow, the first thing I want to say is that you did a great job with the A-Z aspect. Somehow I am always reviewing those entries (or exercises - whichever you prefer) and I'm always struck by the ones I don't really notice are doing it until it's mentioned. This story of yours is among that group, so awesome job there.

I also think this scene is so interesting. It FEELS like a missing moment that would be heavily written, but I honestly don't think I've seen it tackled before from Snape's POV. The way you slowed everything down to capture both what he latched on to (Harry's eyes) literally and what his mind latched onto from a broader perspective was very cool.

It did get a little more disjointed at the end, but I don't view that as a bad thing in the greater context of the piece because you're hardly going to be completely on point when you're minutes/seconds from death. And the way you made the memory wobble against reality made that work pretty well for you I think.

Thanks for sharing and I hope this helps!

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Review #10, by TidalDragonMonsters in the Dark: Monsters in the Dark

4th October 2015:
Well, I had typed up a nice, longer review after my lengthy delay getting here, but alas, it died at the hand of the clumsily pressed back arrow. :(
Here goes take 2...

First things first, I think I've read your Astoria once before so I knew the half-blood angle, but I think you did a good job setting up more of that here, especially in relation to the family and house dynamics involved. With a bomb like that it's so important to have a solid foundation and you conveyed that well.

I will say that compared to some of your other stories, this one felt a bit more scattered. I don't necessarily mean that as a criticism (because given the scene, quite honestly scattered thinking seems reasonable enough). However, if that's NOT what you were going for, I think you could fix it with some mechanical tweaks and a little added length. Mostly removing some repetitive examples in the early going and varying word choice a bit more so readers don't sense an echo as literally later in the story.

Before I go though, I did want to give you kudos on the creep factor of Malfoy and his pointed innuendo. If I'd been in Astoria's place, I'd definitely have been feeling like she seemed to (nervous, slightly fearful, and desperate to get away from him) and getting that across without being over the top was no small task.

Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! Thanks for this great review and I'm sorry that your longer review died! That happens to me all the time. Hahaha.

Yes, I think you read the first two chapters of A Force of Wills. I tried to write that information as smoothly as I could because i know that lot of people haven't read that story. I'm glad that it came across okay though because I was worried that it would have been too much to take in.

Yeah, I went through this and it has moments that feel kind of out of place. I'll go through and clean it up but I like the overall tone of it pretty well. :D

I didn't want to be too graphic for this but I wanted to make it clear that Malfoy had his issues and was a major creep. I don't really go into detail about it but you all were able to get into his head really well. Astoria's emotions were hard to write but I'm glad that they were all right in the end. :D

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,


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Review #11, by TidalDragonSerenity: Serenity

1st October 2015:
Howdy! I've done awful in my quest of reviewing Dobby finalists, but I'm trying to make as many educated votes as I still can. And I'm glad I didn't give up because if I had, I would've missed this story.

The way you not only weave this friendship between Padma and Isobel into a powerful relationship, but then unweave it is incredible. Typical of real life part of that unweaving is what can be seen, but isn't spoken and I think that theme throughout the story really reinforces the ending you've left us. The pair are obviously broken here, but despite that there's an air of ambiguity in the freshness and I wonder if it isn't salvageable. It's a credit to your writing that I yearn for it to be.

Your descriptions and characterizations throughout the piece were absolutely impeccable and emblematic of everything a Dobby finalist should be! Good luck in the voting!

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Review #12, by TidalDragonYou Don't Own Me: Don't

1st October 2015:
This story was incredibly powerful Rose! Incredibly. Though I've fortunately never experienced it inside one of my own relationships, I do see it all too often in my line of work. I used to prosecute it during my fellowship and now I have to represent those accused of it, which is really tough sometimes.

Anyway, more to your story, I thought you captured the cycle of these kinds of relationships very well. Though the cycle itself is something you can read about, it takes immense talent to truly capture it and make it feel real from the victim's perspective. To make us understand how the mind works - and how in the end one could finally break free.

The other thing you handled masterfully was the escalation element, particularly where magic is involved. I would think abuse would be incredibly hard to detect in magical relationships precisely because of its unique capacity to heal and inflict suffering and you hit on that characteristic as well.

Good luck in the voting!

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Review #13, by TidalDragonSweetheart Tom: The Gold Children

1st October 2015:
Ahh! So the story unfolds further. At the top I was sure based on the reference to Spinner's End that Snape had captured Sirius, but at the end of the paragraph it mentioned a witch. Perhaps the reference will make sense later, but since it seemed to be referring to his captor, I questioned myself about Snape until the end.

You did a great job in the middle developing this characterization of Blaise, while also unfolding the next bit of what seems to be an adventure together - turning a bit of Blaise's mother as "black widow" on its head by having her die (perhaps by his hand?) and sneaking in Bill's reference about the neighboring village. I DO wonder what they'll find this time.

The idea of Lucius as a mayor is also definitely intriguing. I'd like to see what it looks like when he actually gets to realize his dream of more complete power and how he reacts to it. What dealings will the rag-tag band have with him? And how will Sirius escape?

All to be answered soon I'm sure. Though it can be a touch disorienting at times (or perhaps that's just me being BEYOND tired), the way you're weaving this tale also has a very almost dreamlike (and fittingly "fairytale" or "fable") feel to it.

I can't wait to read more of your impeccable writing soon!

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Review #14, by TidalDragonSweetheart Tom: A Single Red Apple

1st October 2015:
Hello again! Sorry I'm late :/

Anyhow, besides your descriptions beginning to dazzle, your characterizations were very well-handled here. I thought you did a spectacular job with Fleur again, especially when you cast her inner ideas of superiority against Bill's reactions to it. And the bit where she calls her feeling "strange" - classic. I imagine it must be an interesting feeling for someone so used to being the attraction to experience even the beginnings of that type of interest in another herself.

I'm VERY interested to see (even though I know it's AU) how the story unfolds to put a seemingly conflicted Blaise, minding his own business picking apples, in a jail cell with Fleur, who seems to be framed for a crime she had nothing to do with.

Reveal your secrets, Laura! Reveal your secrets!

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Review #15, by TidalDragonA Box of Chocolates: Two: In Which Things Get Heated

28th September 2015:
Guess who's back?

I have to say, I'm really enjoying this story so far. It's always interesting when the exchange introduces you to something cool that you would never have chosen on your own - somehow it never fails to do so for me.

ANYWAY, the way you shifted voices here was incredible and really underscored the thought you put into the characterizations. James (II) sounds just like you'd imagine based on his appearance in the epilogue and the chaos that ensues was fun to behold.

Part of that I think owes to my affection for Jily (which I once swore I would never use, but don't's just faster) - if that sounds weird, it's because I'm getting some serious love/hate Jily vibes from the James (II)-Lia dynamic, which while it's not exactly my head canon for them, I can totally appreciate more with different characters.

I thought you also did some nice foreshadowing looking back on last chapter, with Penny noticing the glances between James and Lia. Though it was James-centric (owing, doubtless, to the love potion), I couldn't help but feel then you were perhaps tucking something in that would prove telling and attempting to mask it through the potion's onset. Given the kiss and Fred's remark, I am left to wonder - perhaps the lady doth protest too much?

Excellent start Lizzie!

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Review #16, by TidalDragonA Box of Chocolates: One: In Which Penny Eats Something Strange

28th September 2015:
Howdy Lizzie! Finally here for the review exchange!

So for starters, my favorite thing about Next Gen (though I don't read much) is virtually complete and utter freedom you have with the characters. Here you took a bit of a cliche (the American) and turned her into a unique player in this interesting little world you've introduced us to. Though we don't get the full backstory (yet) I get the sense you have a carefully crafted explanation for her presence given how long she's been there and you dodged one of the typical issues by making her a muggle too.

Where was I? Oh, back to the characterizations. I like the way you developed both Lia and the three dynamics on show here. She seems like a spirited, independent individual who is fiercer in larger company, but not afraid to be silly when she's with someone she trusts. A cool cat.

My favorite part of the chapter though was the love-potion laced chocolate. You introduce it so innocently, and then build it up nicely once Penny takes the right bite. And the meta-ness of the box of chocolates was hilarious.

If I had a bit of CC, I'd say there are some points where it felt like you tried too hard to mix up word choice on the dialogue tags and slipped into some inadvertent looping of words in neighboring sentences, but it didn't really detract. Just food for thought.

On to Chapter 2!

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Review #17, by TidalDragonIn Every Stitch: Eight

17th September 2015:
Howdy Lizzie! I read this when you first posted it, but somehow forgot to leave a review - how rude of me!

Anyway, in the early going I was a bit iffy about the second person, though I loved who we were talking about and the task at hand, but by the end you really sold it to me. Those "Molly mantras" about the reason behind Harry's sweater were GOLDEN in that POV - so kudos (it takes a lot to win me over).

What was probably my favorite aspect of the story though, was our opportunity to see, as Molly, the way she felt about Harry and what drove it - what drove her - to as you so aptly put it, make him the 8th child. While it's always there in her actions in canon, putting us in her place while it was happening actually made us feel it and understand it that much better. And important thing for this character who feels so strongly (dare I say, fiercely) about others and helping them, especially those in need, even despite the difficulties of her own circumstances.

Thanks for sharing! Good luck in the voting!

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Review #18, by TidalDragonBeautiful Mess: Beautiful Mess

17th September 2015:
Howdy Frankie! As I'm working through my...well, my sluggish pace can hardly be called a blitz...but my reviewing of Dobby finalists, I finally reached your tale.

I have a HUGE soft spot for Harry/Ginny - shocking I know :p And as a result I thoroughly enjoyed this story. What I loved about it was how simple it was - no Quidditch World Cup, no Hogwarts send-off (or return home) - just a delightful "day-in-the-life" snapshot of a happy family.

My favorite scene was easily the discovery of the footprints and the creative direction you took with it. The beginning was good enough, but you took it to the next level by have Ginny recreate the events of earlier that day by examining them in detail - a sharp maneuver.

If I had any CC, I thought some of the explanations you included with your descriptions (particularly of the sleeping bunch) were unnecessary, but that's a very minor matter in an overall excellent story.

Thanks for sharing and good luck in the voting!

Author's Response: Kevin, hi!

I was so honored to see a review from you :). I actually did think about you for a hot second while I wrote this, knowing your love for Harry/Ginny.

I wanted to show that not everything in life is a huge moment for Harry. That now he can have a quiet (relatively- it's probably not so quiet with three children) normal life - and one that he chose and loves.

A lot of people have commented on the footprint section of the story and I am so honored that this part of the story stuck out. I just think Harry would be a great dad and Ginny would know that and see the mischief her children and husband would get into :)

Thanks again for the review. It was extremely kind of you!

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Review #19, by TidalDragonChai, Carrots, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Carrots, and a Surprise

17th September 2015:

I'm a big Neville/Hannah fan and I really enjoyed this story, and in particular the characterizations of both. A lot of people writing romantic pieces chase the soaring fantasy of a picture-perfect moment that a relationship comes to be - but aside from my thoughts about that in general I don't think that fits for this duo. Neville, we know, is more simple and though we don't see loads of Hannah in canon, we imagine with his personality he'd be attracted to someone similar. So the natural build makes more sense.

What I loved most about Neville though was the way you DIDN'T turn the War into a total turning point for him, where he's completely over his awkwardness and nervousness and in absolute control. More than that, you even deliberately emphasized those qualities, which coupled with the natural human instincts to impress someone we like and fear over losing a friendship helped underscore the natural feel of the piece until it reached its happy conclusion. I like the "well, duh" attitude Hannah displays about it all too :p

The only (very minor) bit of CC I would have is that at the very top, you use the Rule of 3 about Neville's concerns over admitting his feelings to Hannah. The last one is not wanting to lose the friendship, but then you follow that up with a separate statement about not wanting to lose the friendship. Just something that jumped out.

All in all a grand tale, especially for a Neville/Hannah fan like me! Good luck in the voting!

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Review #20, by TidalDragonThe Story of You: The Story of You

16th September 2015:
Howdy Sian! As I began (much too late) my reviewing of the Dobby finalists, I was CERTAIN I'd R&R-ed this, but as it turns out I hadn't - and what a bitter blow that your soaring tale has eluded me for so long!

Once again, you have demonstrated yourself to be a virtuoso at using the second person and coupled with this high risk structure, anything could've happened. And yet, high risk is only high risk for lesser writers than yourself as you swiftly turned this into a thing of beauty and brilliance.

I'll confess I'm not much on Albus/Gellert, but you wrote it with such honesty, acknowledging the awkwardness of their ages at the time (especially in conjunction with Albus's isolation) gave me a new appreciation for its potential - especially in this time period. Kudos!

As far as the mechanics - well, as usual your descriptions are frighteningly fantastic and your characterizations captivating. I know it must take immense effort on your part to weave such artful people with such strong word choice - elegant in its simplicity - but the fact that you make it appear effortless to the reader is a further testament to your abilities.

Thanks for sharing, Sian! Good luck in voting!

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Review #21, by TidalDragonAfter: One.

15th September 2015:
Howdy Dee! I've been horribly remiss in my quest to review the Dobby finalists, but I'm here now and starting!

This was a very powerful story and I think a lot of that had to do with the structure you used. No only did you achieve brilliant symmetry between the opening and ending lines, but the inverse timeline you utilized did an excellent job underscoring the point.

In turn I think that amplified the raw-ness of your characterization of Amos. Even in the moments where his pain is freshest, he still manages a measure of reflectiveness that echoes - pointedly - in his own head. It truly captures one of the central components of such paralyzing grief - isolation. And of course, the mental isolation begets emotional isolation which begets true isolation as time wears on. And it becomes impossible to see an end in sight.

Though obviously some escape this horrible feedback loop, I thought another strength of the story was the ultimate ambiguity in the "end" (later in time, but technically your first paragraph) where distance has "changed" the pain as you put it - CAN Amos eventually find a way to truly live again or no? Better that we are left to wonder as you have done.

Thanks for sharing this story, congratulations on the challenge and good luck in voting!

Author's Response: Hi, Kevin :D

Thank you so much for the lovely review!

The reverse timeline was totally unintentional, and was something I was really worried about when I first posted it. Even now it's still a relief when I hear that people liked it and think that it works.

Shameless plug alert, I actually wrote a sequel to this story, titled And Then, if you ever wanted to find out how I see Amos' story ending.

Thank you for the lovely review again!

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Review #22, by TidalDragonJigsaw: Piece #4

2nd September 2015:
My favorite thing about this installment was how it gave Roxanne some new dimension. We've seen how she's been learning on the job still and growing in confidence working her new story among the new circle she's begun traveling in after grinding away unrecognized for years. But here we see the impact it's had on her personal interactions. Though the potential was always there being George's daughter, she's developed quite a clever tongue, evading and deflecting, twisting around issues and deceiving with ease.
It's not particularly flattering, but what I like about it is how AUTHENTIC that is. It's easy to write perfection or imperfection - the absolutes. It's harder to write both in the same person, especially in first-person because of the blinders that individual will have about themselves that make it more of a challenge to have both strengths and weaknesses show clearly. You did an excellent job of it.

Of course, I can't conclude my review without mentioning the glimpse we get of the person and place I can only assume are holding Malcolm. Enticing in its ill-defined state, but chilling in the detail we are given - I wouldn't want to be there that's for sure.

Looking forward to seeing how the story continues to develop as I continue to chug along!

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Review #23, by TidalDragonJigsaw: Piece #3

2nd September 2015:
It was interesting to see how Roxanne seemed to learn from her previous experience that point I brought up, that what gets avoided can signal clearly that it's more important to the speaker in these situations than what is actually said. Despite what happens in the bullpen with Miranda & Co. it's neat to be taking these lessons along with her and seeing her react and already become more confident. She has that drive about her that she knows the job has to get done too and though she's professionally motivated to do so, I think you're doing a good job underscoring how her background and unique perspective may help with that. She's obviously impressed the pool enough to get asked to the pub with them directly unlike Collins, who feels more like an unwanted tag-along.

The family dynamics you've mentioned are also intriguing me. Though they're never too heavy, serving instead as the delicious seasoning on the steak that is your story they've definitely piqued my interest - even more so with Lily - because the anger toward Roxanne appears quite firm at the moment, yet simultaneously vague. Given your talents I find myself asking the whether it's relevant to the major arc's resolution or a mystery within a mystery to distract us instead while developing Roxanne. We shall see...

The one thing I did note - and this is a personal preference probably more than anything, so just ignore it if you like - was the place at the top where you wrote "I don't need to add..." That always sticks out to me in writing as drawing attention to something that, if you're using that prefacing language, truly may be unnecessary. Here, I can see where you both wanted to break the dialogue there probably - and perhaps add to Roxanne's voice with an aside-like comment, but it just stuck out to me in a "meh" sort of way.

A minor minor and highly subjective thing anyway though in another excellent chapter!

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Review #24, by TidalDragonJigsaw: Piece #2

2nd September 2015:
Howdy Sian! By now you must've begun the think you'd never find me haunting the hallowed grounds of your story after all. But I have finally prevailed against my untimely illness and so here I am!

The first thing I MUST comment on is the semi-colon. I always notice them because they're so infrequently used and seemingly so difficult for most to get right, but you killed it...even if this particular semi-colon was relatively innocuous (I think). As they say: "Each semi-colon brings up closer to the top..."

Anyhow, the legitimately most amazing thing about this chapter was the descriptions. Seriously, I need to discover the fountain from which you draw these things because you're so talented at setting a scene and giving us just enough detail to be there and feel it, but not so much that it robs us of the opportunity to imagine elements for ourselves.

As far as the plot goes, I thought you did an excellent job of advancing the story here while still advancing Roxanne (NOT Rose, like I so foolishly put in my first review :p) as well. That's a difficult thing to do when you're dealing with a mystery because there's this incredible temptation to dial in so deeply into the procedure and planting seeds you'll later need and little discoveries that the character can get lost when that person is also an investigator of sorts. But you didn't permit it. By focusing on Roxanne's learning and her relationships with people present as well as pouring the concrete you showed us important parts of her current incarnation - observant, instinctive, determined, hopeful, professionally insecure.

I can't help but wonder if the latter made her misinterpret completely the propriety of her question. It can be read in a number of ways, and I suppose the story bears it out, but I think when you're dealing with authority figures, often the question that doesn't get answers is the most important one and that seemed to show in the tone and delivery of the response she received. So I hope Roxanne realizes that and doesn't shy away and turn into a pack-follower in the future. After all, the greats always find a way.

Anyway, I can't wait to see how this develops - I'm on the Chapter 3!

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Review #25, by TidalDragonHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Wandmaker

30th August 2015:
My favorite part of this chapter was easily the beginning. I'm kind of a sucker for wandlore, and I'm always wanting to know more about it. I don't get caught up too much in every single different type of wood like many, but more the nitty-gritty like you had Ollivander talk about in this chapter. Cores, and different approaches and things like that. So i found that portion very cool.

The remainder of the chapter obviously sets up the story that is to come. Umbridge and her schemes it seems will never leave Harry alone and it's a shame after all he's done that he'll once more be put through the wringer by her.

The cliffhanger ending was well handled! It definitely left me wondering what's going to happen next and whether Harry will in fact get trapped as planned or something else will happen (like him becoming too inquisitive for his own good as he does often in canon) and end up springing it on himself.

Thanks for sharing this story with us, Kenny! You are always so inventive with different ideas to write about and to expand the Potterverse!

Author's Response: Hallo, Kevin! I wonder how you managed to do this. I guess you've worked so hard to spare time for this. Thank you very much!

I understand to keep reading the series sounds difficult but you showed your spirit to tackle on this, I really happy to know you seemed to enjoy my Potterverse. I did much research about the wandlore.

I wanted to make this story more intriguing and mysterious than the first one so I wish more readers will try reading this. Sometimes I feel most of the readers are interested in romance centered stories, I wonder if I should stop writing like this. So you encouraged me to keep going.


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