Reading Reviews From Member: TidalDragon
  
547 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragonThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Exclamations of Merlinís Extensive Collection of Lingerie

28th June 2015:
I've made my first successful prediction in your story! Annett didn't die! -Pats self on back-

In all seriousness though, I'm impressed by your ability as the story progresses to swing from the types of scenes that have typically been carried out before to the full-on action we got in this chapter. We also still got to see that clever mind of Annett's as well with her tweaking of the nonverbal spell to make her escape. You continue to do a great job of pushing the boundaries of what magic is capable of by showcasing believable nuances in application based on intent and it's refreshing to see another author's take that it's not all incantation = precise result.

Perhaps there's the beginnings of some rightness is my assertion that Annett doesn't want to admit she might have some beyond-friendly feelings/attraction for Albus as well given the conclusion of this chapter. I won't jump to any conclusions yet, but I think for someone as finely focused as she is, it's noteworthy that she's noted his physical attractiveness. Shame for him that it had to be coupled with a display of horrible naming abilities...

Anyway, I look forward to seeing what happens in Chapter 10!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #2, by TidalDragonThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: A Night of Discoveries

28th June 2015:
UGH! The acromantulas! I have never been such a fan of them ever since Aragog's attempted devouring of Harry and Ron. But it does make for a nice cliffhanger. Somehow, I suspect she'll survive.

Before getting to the good stuff, a couple things that did jump out this chapter: (1) re: the centaur, I am pretty sure per Fantastic Beasts, the centaurs CHOSE to keep "beast" status, so his commentary about people in the Ministry who refuse to acknowledge centaurs as intelligent beings was slightly puzzling (not a huge deal, as I suppose it could be interpreted to say that others, despite their express wishes, do regard them as being intelligent beings and the centaur is making a distinction between those and the others, but...wow, I've gone on way longer than intended about this, sorry) and (2) at one point toward the top is seemed like you wrote "hypotheses" (plural) when you meant to use the singular. NBD.

As for the good stuff, as usual, it is plentiful. We got a little more spice with the Albus/Annett angle - though I truly am interested to see what happens there. Personally, I'm feeling like it's legit and they're both trying to pretend it isn't, but it could go so many ways at this point. Most importantly though, we got some more background on what Annett does as an animagus and some very intriguing animagus abilities I wouldn't have thought of. Creative - and I like them! Getting to talk to Mrs. Norris would have to be something else, especially when trying to cure her of tapeworms.

See you in Chapter 9!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #3, by TidalDragonThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Exploring Hormonal Minds

28th June 2015:
We meet again!

I enjoyed the way that this chapter more fully explored various members of the delightful cast of characters you've established than the last was able to. I suppose one of the benefits of having your super-observant MC!

At any rate, I also liked the further development of some context for this connection with the Potter-Weasley group and Albus in particular. Though I was probably the daft one not making the connection back then, this chapter made it more literal that the connection was more limited than initially seemed.

As I say that though, Albus and Annett (I realized I misspelled it in the last review when it was right in front of my face - apologies), are doing an interesting little dance. Annett seems to be opening up more with someone she feels will respect her boundaries (see the beginning of this chapter), but Albus (to answer her question) I think IS flirting with her and I'm interested to see how she responds to it in the end. That blush at the end of this chapter seems to indicate perhaps she's not so averse despite her social issues.

Outside of her relationships though, you also managed to continue to develop Annett's thought processes and justifications for her behaviors which was neat to observe as well - particularly her continued principled stand in Alchemy. Cunningham apparently is continuing to be over-the-top intense in her displeasure with Annett's...differences...vs. the text and planned curriculum and I'm also intrigued to see if there's going to be a breaking point for one of them going forward.

See you in Chapter 8!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #4, by TidalDragonThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Satisfying Humiliation

28th June 2015:
Howdy! I have journeyed my way back here, where I left your story too long ago and in a rather off frame of mind I might add. Anyway, without further ado...

This chapter really showcased your descriptive talents. Obviously, given the story is an "internal monologue" we get more description and internal thought than dialogue, but I find myself still quite enjoying the balance you've established.

As for the plot - OUCH. When they set their minds to humiliating young Mr. Yang they left no stone unturned. Granted, he continued to demonstrate he why he absolutely deserved it, but nevertheless it was enjoyable to see such a highly involved, thoroughly planned prank so well-staffed and executed to perfection. I think my favorite part had to be the end with the fake bride and Annette turning possessed looking with the red eyes and fangs. SOMETHING ELSE!

Despite the success, you also managed to pepper in that continued social awkwardness you've put on show with Annette in the past with her reaction to the "Let's roll" expression. A good touch that keeps her rooted to her identity despite the changes she's experience socially this year and despite her success at this prank on Yang.

See you next chapter!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #5, by TidalDragonThinking About You: You, You, You

27th June 2015:
Hello hello!

If I'm not mistaken (and I did not go peek at the thread), but this story deals with Lockhart and Umbridge? Hopefully, I've not worked that out wrong, but it is late.

At any rate, I'd rather focus on the writing itself in this review because it was splendid. First, your use of the second person. For me, second person fics tend to be hit or miss depending on how well someone uses the perspective to really engross you in the thoughts and emotions they are using it to project. I think it's a powerful tool to do that and I think you definitely hit with it here on the strength of the excellent descriptions and wise word choice on show throughout the piece.

It's unsurprising that you'd be able to do the former with a couple of distinctive dressers like these two, but it went so much deeper than that, to demonstrate how they not only appreciated each other's appearance, but deeper aspects of their personalities - and you simultaneously showed glimpses of what they would become in the gilded visions they held for each other. You also used strong, evocative language - particularly when it came to some of the adjectives to amplify the perceptions being described which imbued even descriptions that lacked straight "emotional" language with the proper mood.

Another super story!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: Hello Kevin,

No you are EXACTLY RIGHT. I left many clues. :D

Writing second person was very daunting because yes, I feel the same way about them as you: hit or miss. I am beyond relieved to know that you think it was a hit! :D THANK YOU SO MUCH! 'strength of the excellent descriptions,' 'wise word choice' 'strong, evocative language' YOU SPOIL ME with your words. You are much, much to kind, Kevin. Thank you so much. This means a whole lot to me.

I probably should have integrated this in much better: Lockhart was polishing a trophy as detention, so he was looking at his own reflection and talking at it in this story. In essence, there are two 'I's and one 'you.' I am thrilled that you liked that I went much deeper then distinctive dressing and into personalities. Appearance on it's own is never enough to fully exhibit admiration. It doesn't make for solid ground on which to build a romance, even a one-sided one in this case.

Thank you again for this spectacular review, Kevin. I cannot stop smiling.

Cheers,
Em


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Review #6, by TidalDragonStowaway: 'It'

27th June 2015:
Hello again!

Once again, another marvelously executed story. Though it was very different stylistically, at least in the descriptions of Draco's behavior and thoughts leading into the meeting, I found I quite enjoyed it. The clinical, deliberate, practiced manner with which he proceeded through each phase (particularly the niceties) seemed very "adult Draco" as did his inability, in the end, to restrain his irritation at what was going on and his disdain for Parvati and the perceived singling out of his son.

Of course the contrast between his control and then the loss of it immediately preceding your excellent reveal of just how NON-serious the situation was made it all the more effective. I rarely genuinely laugh when reading, but you brought me right to the brink when it came out that there was not some terrifying attack on Lily, but in fact just a situation with a smuggled-in dog. And then coupling the name ("Pookie" of all things for Scorpius Malfoy to call his dog!) with the picture at the bottom...pure gold.

Thanks for sharing this!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #7, by TidalDragonThis is Chemistry: SN1

27th June 2015:
Howdy! It's been awhile!

This has to be the most unique story I think I've ever read on the archives owing to the entirely chemistry-based explanation of a relationship - and involving house elves at that! What I enjoyed about it, despite the chemistry jargon (which brought back nightmares of AP Chemistry) was how you used the jargon so artfully to describe not just the eventual reaction and bond, but to describe the characters as individuals, the obstacles to their bonding, etc. Obviously that rendered the entire thing more complete than jumping in and out would have and I really appreciate the dedication it must have taken to sustain it (at least from my novice scientific mind...).

What made this all even more effective though was the transitions from description to description of each "phase" and the way you personified each by giving them emotion even though you were describing them ultimately as components of a reaction (which could have felt clinical instead).

Brilliantly done!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #8, by TidalDragonProud or Ashamed?: 1

27th June 2015:
I am back once more to finish my aim of reviewing all your chapters!

The very beginning of this piece is obviously its essence and I definitely enjoyed that. I think the final sentiment in particular (which you expressed from the outset in the title) was a perfect place to end the entry too because it encompasses not just the role Neville played in the war, but also the enduring battle he fights with himself throughout canon about his own life.

I also think it worked nicely when you described it as a journal entry primarily because Neville strikes me as EXACTLY the type of person who would keep a journal and EXACTLY the type of person who would try and relieve trauma or personal doubts by writing THOSE things in there rather than bland recollections of the day, goal-setting, or false self-praise.

The only thing that jumped out at me on the odd side of the journal entry is that he doesn't NAME any of the people in the entry (Bellatrix, Ginny, Molly). Particularly with Ginny he obviously knows her and with Bellatrix you'd expect him to be a bit more infuriated in his writing given her history with his family and the fact that she was behind him being deprived of his parents. It didn't detract hugely, but it's something I'd at least consider editing because I don't think including the names really diminishes the piece in any way since it's pretty clear from the off who we're talking about when those characters are referenced differently.

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: Yay, Thanks for reviewing all my chapters! I really appreciate your helpful advice.

For the journal entry, I chose to leave out names so it would seem as though Neville was just describing everything that was happening to him at the time, without tainting his memories with feelings to those around him.

Thanks once more,

Lea


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Review #9, by TidalDragonThis Penitentiary We Call Life: 1

27th June 2015:
Hello hello!

This piece had quite a different style to your others and I'll confess that I quite enjoyed the more pensive approach. In addition to being more my cup of tea than fast-paced, heavily dialogue-driven stories, I think it also showcased some of your talent that is hidden when you eliminate the description and inner thought this piece was built on.

Here, with both your diamond comparison and your word choice you made us feel so much more strongly the mood of the piece and the feeling behind what Lucius was trying to convey. The stronger, more evocative language used to describe his pain, sense of failing the family, and desperation made the story more effective and the diamond bit re: Narcissa really united the story from top to bottom.

This piece also showcased a very different Lucius Malfoy from the one we ever get to truly see. Though I somehow imagine him being more concerned about himself and his legacy than his wife and children, I thought you managed to portray his consideration of his prior principles in a decently believable fashion. Perhaps portraying it as more of an emerging conflict in his mind given the timeframe of the story could be even more effective, but that is ultimately a minor point.

Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: This was my first angsty story that I've written, so I wasn't sure if it was even something that could be classified as angst.

I see Narcissa as someone who struggled through her younger years being brought up with Pureblood ideals, but not really seeing the point behind them. For me, this Narcissa is one who struggled at Hogwarts, and was blinded by her love for Lucius at a young age.
it pleases me to see that you thought the story was tied together well, and that is was believable.

Lea


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Review #10, by TidalDragonStars: Chapter 1

27th June 2015:
Hello!

A story laden with OCs! Always intriguing to see someone dig deeper than the obvious choices in a Next Generation fic.

As far as the writing goes here, I think you definitely started a teenager-centered drama at peacetime Hogwarts in a workable place. Stories that begin innocuously and then travel to a set-up cliffhanger tend to intrigue me and this is no different.

Going forward, one thing I would strive for is to vary the characterizations (and particularly voices) slightly between your OCs. This is a big challenge because we don't have that base of canon to fall back on to help us define the dialogue and personalities, but it's so so crucial. I think you did a good job with Evan, but the female characters seemed to slip at points into a couple categories - sharp (Valerie and Carina) and weak (Shannon and Phoebe). Though obviously it's only the first chapter, differentiating those will go a long way to strengthening your story as it progresses.

Also, though this chapter is pretty quick-paced (I think by necessity) and heavy dialogue can work in that setting, I'd also try going forward to discover more balance between that and description + internal thought. Usually in a novel-length story at least a 60-40 dialogue-other balance is nice because it allows you to build the mood and setting better without having the characters tell us everything, but aiming for 55-45 or 50-50 may be even better. Though it will vary chapter to chapter, I always try to keep track of that balance in the story as a whole and it's something that's definitely improved my own writing.

Thanks for sharing and good luck as your carry forward!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: I love creating OCs for this story! I have a whole notebook dedicated to the characters, with sketches of them, personality traits, backgrounds, parents, siblings, blood statuses, timetables and plot points!

I tried to keep this chapter short to see how well I was going to be able to write the characters in together. Originally this was going to be a story about Rose and an OC love interest, but then I really loved the character of Carina and deleted what I had written and started again with her instead. When I made this choice, I realised that I still wanted to keep other characters in there who are canon, or who have canon parents, for example Evan Sloper is the son of Jack Sloper and Romilda Vane.

Thankyou for pointing out the characterisation issues - I'll make sure to pay closer attention this in the future! Likewise with the dialogue balance in the story.

It's nice to have someone point these things out to me and I really do appreciate the effort you have put into this review.

Lea


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Review #11, by TidalDragonMy Lily Flower: 1

27th June 2015:
I'm back!

I think this is my favorite of your stories so far, even though it has Remus/Lily. What struck me about it was the careful way you matched each segment of each POV to its corresponding one in the other POVs. It's obvious that you took care to make that matching happen and I think it adds a lot to the structure and impact of the story, especially given that the paragraphs are fairly short.

Cutting back to Remus/Lily for a moment, I will note that while it's not my cup of tea, I definitely see the potential there between that duo. What I think MAY have been a little much here was the statement by Remus that Lily was more important to him than James. For me, it strikes me as fairly OOC as even if Remus and Lily are close friends, James has unquestionably done much more for him per canon and I think they have a much closer (if very different) connection than Remus and Lily would even if in a relationship. Truthfully, given how Sirius exposed Remus re: the Snape incident, I would think James would probably be Remus's best friend and it seems unlikely that he'd truly place Lily (as a seemingly new girlfriend) above him. If he's "just saying it" I think it's a lie that doesn't need to be told because the story's fine without it.

At any rate, I thought you did a great job as well with the pain that the Snape and Lily experience and its differences and the vicarious pain and concern that Remus shows in the aftermath of the incident. The pain, truly, is the tie that binds the POVs and makes the story, when told that way, greater than the sum of its parts.

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: I wrote this story in one sitting late at night and didn't edit the storyline, so what you see here is exactly what came out when I wrote it.

I do agree with you that it seems as though Remus is just throwing away James' friendships for Lily when James has always bee there for him. When I wrote it I was thinking of it being that in that moment, right then and there, he would rather be with Lily than James, as Lily's need for attention and company was greater than James'. He wasn't just saying to make her feel better, but he didn't mean it she was always more important than James. However, reading it again I can see how it may have been taken that way, so I might have a go at tidying that bit up.

I'm glad you enjoyed the multiple POVs in the story and thought they worked well, as it is something I haven't really done much of before or since.

Lea


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Review #12, by TidalDragonSnitch: Chapter 1

27th June 2015:
Back for another installment!

After the more sweeping prologue, we flash back to an introductory moment from Scorpius's POV which I actually quite enjoyed. One of the mistakes often made in these fics is throwing us into the relationship without a lot of explanation, expecting the reader to do the legwork about how they got here, wait for flashbacks, or just cast assumptions for them to accept or reject based on the Malfoy-Weasley dynamic. You didn't do that - nor did you make Scorpius the perfect ideal. It was interesting in that sense because we so often see Rose yearning for Scorpius (even if she is as smart as her mother), but less frequently the other way around (as you SEEM to be setting it up anyway).

You also showed us how Scorpius's personality is different from his father's. I would be interested to see how you explore this later in the fic and whether it's down to his upbringing, the prevailing post-War culture, or something else - but it seems quite clear that he's got different views, is not as arrogant, and is already (at 11) disenchanted with the idea of following in his parents' footsteps.

A solid foundation to build on.

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: Scorpius is a VERY different person to his father. Astoria was not exactly the most affectionate person to be brought up around, and so Draco tried to rear his son to be a good person who wouldn't make the same mistakes he did in his life. He didn't want his son to be a bully, so he made sure to show him love and kindness throughout his early years.

I really can't get into stories where they are just thrown together, although I do admit to writing the occasional one that fits directly into this category.

New chapter will be up soon for this story, so if you are enjoying it, please keep an eye out for them. I just need to refine the following chapters to keep them flowing with the storyline.

Lea


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Review #13, by TidalDragonSnitch: Prologue

27th June 2015:
Hello again!

First off, you don't write dodgy poetry. Is it Emily Dickinson or something - no, but stay encouraged, because I've found your poems so far to be very much positive additions to your stories. Here, it's a nice tie from the beginning to the end of the prologue and like any good prologue it helps leave plenty of questions about what will come from the rest of the story. Though it's obviously revealed in the story info and A/N as well, I also thought the poem provided nice proof that we were dealing with Scorpius and Rose here - if you ditch the reference to James (which feels unnecessary, at least right now) you can underscore that effect I think.

Re: Scorpius/Rose, I like the way you injected this clandestine element to their relationship. Many people write the ship as either totally accepted, begrudgingly accepted, or greeted with open hostility, which Rose in particular seems to eager struggle with or completely disregard. Here, you made the struggle a little more Romeo/Juliet by making their relationship be in secret and that helped leave me wondering why the tears? Tears of joy like the poem, but an acknowledgement of the start of summer or something else?

On to the next chapter!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: Thank you for this positive feedback. I came onto the computer to find I had five review waiting for me, much to my surprise!

I'm unsure of whether you liked the poem or not, but it seems as though you thought it was helpful in the story.
Personally I don't feel as though anyone would accept a Malfoy and a Weasley being together straight away, and that's why I chose to write them like this.

Let me know what you think of the other chapters, I'm not personally happy with them and have been considering taking them down for a while for that reason, and maybe rewriting them later on.

I slipped James in there as something to be used later in the story, but as I said above, those chapter didn't really turn out too well.

Thanks for the review (I'm on my way to respond to the others you left now!),
Lea


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Review #14, by TidalDragonWho I Really Am: Who I Really Am

27th June 2015:
Howdy! I'm back!

With this story you took a moment that is completely canon Ron/Hermione and turned it on its head by using the classic "missing moment" device. I enjoyed that it was from a different POV (Theodore Nott - seemingly ever popular as a alternate Slytherin perspective, perhaps because he's relatively undefined, but still within the Hogwarts Era) though because that adds a new dimension to the tale and enables us to see things we didn't already see in addition to the twist at the end.

I will say that only place it didn't seem to sync well with canon was the lack of explanation for Ron's still being irritated at Hermione. Perhaps the idea was that Ron is bisexual? As before, I thought the snogging was a bit too instantaneous, which was a shame after you'd built up the "tracking" bit by Nott so well earlier, but all's well that ends well and I thought you took a nice moment at the end to circle back to the idea that Nott, as a Slytherin needed to keep up appearances and weave in his previously unknown sexuality into that complex aspect of the era as well.

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: Back again!
I considered Ron to be a very confused person at the age of 14. He was struggling through jealousy about Harry in the tournament, Hermione going to the ball with Krum, and just struggling with school and growing up in general. I think he would have felt the need to explore his surroundings a little, and he definitely feels something for Hermione but doesn't think it will go anywhere.
Nott (in my opinion anyway) is someone who really enjoys messing around with other people. I enjoyed writing him, so maybe I'll come back to his story another time.

Lea


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Review #15, by TidalDragonToffee Apples: 1

27th June 2015:
Howdy! I'm a sucker for James/Lily so here I am!

Though I don't usually take this approach, it explains a lot of what I'll say that follows, so I'm going to start with a little CC. The thing I noticed most about this story was Lily's voice. For me, it just didn't ring authentic. I think that's primarily down to the language you chose for her expressions of frustration though. In canon, Lily comes off as very well-spoken (not surprising, given her intelligence) and chooses her words (even insults of James) very carefully. Here she comes across a bit more less...sophisticated (?) is maybe the word I'm looking for.

I think that carried over as well to the transition from hate to something else, because for me it just happened too quickly. When there's as much history between this pair as we know there is, I just can't see a single look in the eyes changing things.

That said, I think the characterization of Sirius and James was fairly well-handled. We definitely got the best-friends-and-brothers vibe from the way they supported each other and James's persistence certainly shone through.

Though, as mentioned above, I think it was too quick, I did actually like the thought Lily initially had when she realized that James's actions were more than in jest or an attempt to annoy her. I say that because I think one thing that's integral to the change in their dynamic is the recognition on Lily's part that James is more (and more sincere) than she gives him credit for most of their years at Hogwarts. So props for identifying that as a key issue.

Also +1 for the mischievous use of the title in the closing line.

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: This was the one of the first things I ever wrote, after Affection which was abandoned because it was shocking.
For me, Lily is someone who is very well spoken as you said, but only to other people. She feels the need to look good for other people, but inside her head everything is a bit chaotic.
The title was something that just came to me and I decided to write a story based on that. Before this one I wrote another story based on Toffee Apples, and it was about Harry and Ginny taking James to a fete.

Thank you for the review again,
Lea


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Review #16, by TidalDragonBlade of Grass: Undoing

27th June 2015:
Howdy!

The first thing that struck me about this piece was DEFINITELY the poem at the end. It's incredibly well-written and fits so well with the plot you've come up with for this pairing. It's also interesting because (and perhaps this is in the nature of mixing poetry and prose), but the styles are so different while the mood still fits very nicely together, especially given the way you closed the "piece proper" with the last few lines.

I also thought you absolutely nailed the language for the bet that Fred and George came up with. It sounds age-appropriate in content and language, but also fits with the type of almost comical formalism you KNOW they'd insist on in their bets with others. Their trickery in using each other to beat Lee was also great, though I'm not sure how I feel about him regarding their intent as being "to humiliate" as that doesn't feel quite right for them.

As far as CC goes, I did see a misused homophone at the top ("there" should be "they're"), and I would've liked to see a tiny bit more of the pairing itself, but it was nevertheless an intriguing story.

Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Author's Response: Hello!
First off, thanks for pointing out the homophone problem, I'll fix that soon.

I wasn't very happy with this story, and I had to rewrite it a couple of time before it even made sense. an then it got rejected and I had to rewrite it again. It makes me happy to see that someone enjoyed it and thought that it was ok, so thankyou!

Lea


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Review #17, by TidalDragonStill Into You: Need you now

27th June 2015:
Howdy!

Whoa! This was dark, especially with the obvious substance abuse going on. You leave us with a real cliffhanger - has she simply passed out or is it worse?

What struck me most however was how excellent the word choice was throughout. When the entire story is description and inner thought the importance of word choice is hugely amplified but in each paragraph you chose strong evocative language that either pulled us deeper into the setting or deeper into Victoire's despair! Well done!

Cutting to a bit of VERY minor CC, I did think it was rather abrupt how quickly she was able to finish the Firewhiskey and quaff the entire potion. I get that she's probably been using for almost the entire time since Teddy left her, but still - everyone's got a limit to their pace, right?

The other thing I liked was the quotability of the story. Here was my favorite: "She liked the dark. She learned to find her way through it." Though obvious re: the mood, the second sentence inspires the reader to think of the strong contrast between her literal ability and her metaphorical inability. She can navigate her dark apartment better, yes, but she can't find her way through the darkness of lost love, even years later. Or the darkness of an obvious addiction for that matter.

Bravo!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #18, by TidalDragonThe Worst: From Bad to Worse

27th June 2015:
Howdy! I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to catch up on the latest installment of your story, so here I am!

I definitely liked the range that this chapter displayed, particularly as pertains to Dominique's emotions. Though the situation you created with Julia's scheme obviously drove that to a degree, we really got to see how the tension between trying to be strong and admitting her own fragility can send her into a whirlwind of emotions in a short time from hollowness to begrudging acceptance to pain to fury. In a way I think it's even more fitting that it came from machinations of others to try and improve here life because it fits very nicely with a big part of the whole werewolf problem - people trying to decide FOR them without necessarily CONSIDERING them or their stances on the ideas put into motion.

I also enjoyed the characterization of David Dale. His dress and manner were very befitting his aims of convincing others (including Dominique) that werewolves can be quite civilized (contrary to popular prejudice).

I did think things moved a bit fast throughout from scene to scene and person to person so that everything wasn't as fully fleshed out as it could've been and we missed some of the great description that opened the chapter.

In any event I'm glad to see you updated again!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

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Review #19, by TidalDragonLife As We Know It: chapter eleven

20th June 2015:
Gryffindor - House Cup 2015

I suppose this was the development you mentioned! I do think it ended up being a little sudden for the first name and even the concept of friendship to enter the equation, but overall the important thing is that you still avoided the 0-60 trap. And there's still sufficient awkwardness to between them at this point.

I do feel for Hermione being marginalized here - it's too true how that can happen when you're "the single one" - for girls and guys and I imagine it's even worse in the Wizarding World where people seem to really mate for life more frequently with their Howarth classmates.

I'm interested to see what happens after this cliffhanger. A Draco breakdown...intriguing indeed.

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Review #20, by TidalDragonLife As We Know It: chapter ten

20th June 2015:
Gryffindor - House Cup

The plot thickens...now we actually get to SEE the emotional toll that events are taking on Draco. I think it's noteworthy that he wasn't able to be as cutting in his state of vulnerability too, so perhaps this can ultimately give way to the meaningful connection that is inevitably sought by all Dramiones. I have to say, yours has come across as one of the most believable I've read before, so kudos there.

I thought Harry and Ron were quite irritatingly dismissive to Hermione after she tried to helo, but perhaps that aligns with the Ginny portrayal last chapter.

Oh! I almost forgot. I liked the characterization of Hermione's stubbornness. The idea that she avoids things that don't come easily was an interested connected piece of that you'll have to sell me on, but otherwise I thought it was nicely done in a show-rsther-than-tell fashion!

Apologies for the typo, but I'm on my phone now and the cursor isn't cooperating. :/

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Review #21, by TidalDragonLife As We Know It: chapter nine

20th June 2015:
Gryffindor - House Cup 2015

SO glad to see that Hermione is once again prioritizing things that matter over being lovesick. In this changed universe, she's taken the right message from the Hospital Wing incident.

I'll confess that I'm as disappointed ad Hermione to see Ginny going over-the-top gigglingly girlish when it comes to Harry, as again I don't think that's "her." However, I can understand the larger point and appreciate it in this respect - if it's a device to further disconnect Hermione from Harry and Ginny as well as Ron thus making the Draco/Hermione endgame more practical. Since we don't know FOR SURE if she had that kind of swoony spell, it's better for me than OOC Hermione, Ron, or Draco.

Speaking of Draco, he is WICKED harsh in the Room of Requirement. OUCH. I was intrigued by the beginnings of banter, but it's a good thing Hermione doesn't take that sort of ruthless bullying bluster from him to heart or SHIP SUNK.

See you in the next chapter.

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Review #22, by TidalDragonLife As We Know It: chapter eight

20th June 2015:
Gryffindor - House Cup 2015

This is my favorite chapter by far! First, I love how you managed the departure from the events of canon. The Hospital Wing twist was particularly awesome as it was such an easy, simple change to make, but obviously will have incredible cascading consequences on the Ron-Hermione dynamic.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the spat between Lavender and Romilda (who comes of as WAY colder than I originally envisioned here) and the way McGonagall cooled it down, along with how classic both students' reactions to her query was. JUST LIKE REAL SCHOOL.

Kudos too for the added detail on the library system and the tidbits on Goblin history - I really enjoyed the latter in particular!

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Review #23, by TidalDragonLife As We Know It: chapter seven

20th June 2015:
So I don't forget - Gryffindor - House Cup 2015

This is an interesting dance with the time warps, but I'm actually okay with it around holiday time. Sometimes it seems that fics purposefully draw out those portions - though I will say that I would like to see some in-class action in the story (since you're going through and editing) as I feel it can always add another dimension to character dynamics while they're still students.

Hermione was in-character once again as counselor and defuser of tensions and I see some of the ice thawing on her end as she tried to help Draco in the library. At the moment he's still seeming quite stubborn even without his lackeys appearing to be around, but given his prejudice it's only right that it would take much longer for him to grow up.

I will say that Ginny seemed a bit OOC for me in terms of wanting to go to Madame Puddifoot's (I personally picture her thinking UGH about that idea anyway) and her fixation on the relationship. Obviously, I think she would definitely be excited (and not being a girl, perhaps this would, even for her be typical of how she would interact with another female at that age about the situation), but she seems a bit more level-headed about relationships at this point, since Harry is not her first, even if he is her greatest and last :) Just my two cents there.

Anyway, keep up the good work with the writing and editing!

I'll try to see you in a later chapter!

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Review #24, by TidalDragonLife As We Know It: chapter six

20th June 2015:
UGH. Forgot the HC tags AGAIN. I'm the worst with that.

ANYWAY, the first thing that jumped out at me from this chapter was Draco's dialogue. In short bursts his formalism seems appropriate, but here, with longer chunks of speech it felt a little stilted. Nevertheless, I like how you're building the suspicion around Draco as the tie in to keep Hermione interacting with him. Bolstering it by Lavender spreading rumors and Pansy's accusations that there's something between them was an interesting choice too that was certainly bound to deepen that.

Hermione proves to be even more spirited here, and dare I say cunning in her response to Malfoy, threatening to confirm the lies and it seems like it's contributing to a nice little cat-and-mouse game between the pair centered around Draco's need to maintain appearances.

Hermione also seems to be playing prophet in her conversation with Ginny. We know from canon that she's pretty astute in the relationship department (even if it's not working out for her own life), but again you nicely peppered in some ideas I'm sure will come to light re: her desire for Ron giving way (i.e. "Sometimes two really great people don't make a great couple, no matter how hard they try...") - well put BTW.

See you in Chapter 7!

Gryffindor - House Cup 2015 (I REMEMBERED!)

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Review #25, by TidalDragonLife As We Know It: chapter five

20th June 2015:
It was interesting to actually see the Cormac debacle from Hermione's perspective as well as Ron's initial reaction. He never has been terribly adept at hiding his feelings about a situation has he?

At any rate, even though there wasn't LOADS of dialogue on his part, I thought you did a strong job with the characterization of Cormac McLaggen. I think the fact that you achieved that more through descriptions and his behaviors than anything else is actually a testament to the job you did. Particularly when they're leaving for the party, I can absolutely imagine McLaggen trying to push the envelope too quickly physically, started with premature hand-holding and putting his arm around her. And you escalated that well given the season with the mistletoe.

As far as the mechanics goes, I did notice a couple of missing or misused apostrophes, but those are minor things. With Slughorn, I'm not certain he'd admit to not be responsible for the decorations (it just seems a bit OOC for him to deflect praise or give credit where credit's due if he can get away with taking it), but perhaps that's just me.

See you in CHapter 6!

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