Aw, so cute. Strong descriptions, too, and rather amusing. Very sweet story, really I can't think of any other way to put it. I am grinning like a fool right now, though ;)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. :) Grinning like a fool's never a bad thing. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Very nice :) It's such a beautiful song, and it fits the story so well. You really did well in capturing Harry's thoughts, and it flowed very well.
The only thing I really noticed were a few grammatical errors, mechanically. The tone of the writing didn't really fit the song, but it fit the lyrics, so that's not a big deal. It just seemed a bit too exciting, almost, especially if you're listening to the song while reading this. There were a lot of exclamation marks (and while that's not bad or anything), the song's not very exclamation-y.
The only other thing I'd change would be the last words he says; the "Goodbye Ginny." is fine, but to fit with the song, I'd change "Goodbye my love" to "Goodbye my lover" or simply "Goodbye".
Other than that, great job :)Author's Response: I'll have to re-read it... I didn't remember there were many exclamation marks - but I wrote it a few months ago now. And I've been writing a few chapters for a few stories since then. lol. I'll have to re-read it anyway, since you said there were a few grammatical errors. Thanks for telling me! I'll have to correct them. ;)
I'm glad you liked it anyway. Yes, it's a beautiful song. I love it! And I'm glad you think I did great capturing Harry's thoughts *insert happy dance here*.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. :)
Anne Report Review
I love this! It's so sweet, and bittersweet. I love the dialogue between Ron and Hermione, perfect for two people who had been seperated for a couple years. It flowed, it seemed so natural, and it kept you wondering where he had gone right until the end. And then wondering what sort of tragic event had pulled them both from their family at such a young age.
Very well done. I didn't see any mistakes, and it's such a cute original idea. Going on my favourites :)
I'm giving you a 9/10, but only because my standards for 10s are really high ;)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you liked it and thought it flowed! :) You're way too kind, and don't worry. I'm quite content with a 9. Thanks so much, again!!! :is content: Report Review
Ah, I think I forgot how much I liked this story. We had a ball beta-ing this, didn't we? Well, I know I did =P
C'est excellent, dahling.Author's Response: Aww thanks so much! I had a blast working on this with you, you're an awesome beta Thanks again! Report Review
Okay. First of all, I think you have a good idea, here. I think it's quite unique, and a new spin on JKR's version. I have a few things to nitpick with, though :)
Firstly, you mention in the beginning that Grace is a singer. This is never mentioned again, at all. Also, I find it a bit strange that the Wizarding World has a twelve year old singer, but that just may be my opinion. The biggest problem, though, that I have with this, is that she's joining Hogwarts in her second year? And her older sister is joining even later? This has never happened before, and it seems really strange and unlikely. Maybe, you could have her older sister in a house other than Gryffindor, and make Grace Ginny's age?
I quite like how you tie Voldemort into all of this, but I think that having her have the same scar as Harry and no one notices a little . . . unlikely.
Otherwise, I just have a lot of really small, nit picky things, but if you want me to talk to you about them, feel free to drop me a line on the forums :) I'll help you, gladly.
Overall, I think you have potential, and you'll turn out some amazing things in the future. Good luck =DAuthor's Response: Thanks for all the construcutive critism, I'm trying my best to come up with a better version of this craptastic story that I came up with when I was but 9 years old. Lol, don't think I'm being ungrateful or anything! Just so you know tht I know that this is a bad story, and I'm trying to make it in the style of writing I have now. Thanks again! :) Report Review
Yay! Finally got around to reading this, and I'm glad I did. It's a cute story, it really is. I like how you portrayed her father (I have it in my head that his name is Paul, so if I let it slip here, you'll know who I'm referring to), it seems very in character for the man who's the editor of The Quibbler. I like her mother, too, with all her independent-ness, though I always pictured her a bit more ... eccentric, considering she pretty much blew herself up. =P I really enjoyed this, though, especially the whole monologue likeness right at the beginning. You captured a rambling state of mind, and it flowed really nicely.Author's Response: Thanks dear! Ah, good old fanon and its influencing ways ... for some reason I have it in my head that his name is Adam. Odd. The circumstances of her blowing herself up are vague, so I decided to take some liberties with her. She was fun to write about. =P What can I say? I love to ramble. Thanks again, Jenna! Report Review
That was cute =) I enjoyed it even though I never read D/G. Everything flowed really well in this, and you didn't make the pair to blatant (which was probably why I liked it so much :P). It was almost as if she was only helping out someone in need, which seems quite like her, although if she'd help Malfoy is questionable.
I didn't notice much but this one line: They can’t have had you on purpose. I think "can't" should be "couldn't".
I did really like reading this, though. Your dialogue seemed completely natural, and it was an absorbing story. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. And I think you're right, "coudn't" would flow a lot better. I'm going to change that. And in cannon, Ginny probably wouldn't help Malfoy. But I sat down to right and the characters took it away from me. lol. Thanks a lot! Report Review
Aw, that was really cute =). I didn't really find anything that stood out (in a bad way), all your characters were in character, and everything flowed nicely. The only tiny thing I did pick up on was the fluffiness - it seemed a bit too much for my tastes, but that's probably just me. I love the way you described things, and for a few minutes while I was reading the story, I forgot everything else that was going on.
Overall, excellent job!Author's Response: Aww, thankyou, you've made my day, lol! I agree with you on the fluffiness, it's not in my character to write fluff, but I'm going through a stage right now of R/Hr, and I couldn't stop myself writing something of my own. When I'm reading and forget everything, to me a story is successful, so I'm extremely glad this has worked the same way for you. Thankyou for the review! Report Review
Ah. I enjoyed this. Like Elf_ears said, I liked how, in the end, she seemed to be mistaken, especially after everything seemed to point towards it. As for whether it's complete or not, I say yes and no. I think it is a completed story, I can't really think where else you'd take this, but because you did spend the whole story building up to the supposed "take over", I think that maybe a paragraph more or so of an explanation wouldn't hurt either.
Otherwise, good job! You captured Trelawny's views pretty well, and with that, her personality. =)Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)) I'm glad you enjoyed reading my story. Your review certainly did help - I won't make it a chaptered fic. And just one more paragraph, as you suggest, could only make the situation clearer if it was not from Sybill's point of view (Sybill herself cannot possibly understand the situation the way we do), and I don't want to change the narrator, that just somehow doesn't feel right. Nonetheless, thanks a lot! =) Report Review
This was a cute chapter, I liked how they just kinda talked the whole time.
The thing that probably stuck out at me the most was when James named his favourite bands ... this was the seventies, Counting Crows, MCR, etc. didn't yet exist. More popular bands were ones like The Beatles (although they were more 60's centric, I wouldn't doubt that people sitll loved them in the seventies), Abba, The Eagles and Led Zepplin (sorry, I'm not a 70's kid. I don't really know that many) and singers were people like Elton John, John Denver, Peter Frampton, people like that. The only ones on there who are British are the Beatles and Elton John, I think though, so you may have to post a topic on the forum or something for ideas. Keeping to the seventies culture is so important when you're doing a story in that time era.
Whew, just one other minor thing. When playing the game Choose, James gave Lily the choice between Peter and Snape, I definitely don't think he'd put one of his best friends in the same category as his worst enemy, and refer to him by his surname. One of the most frustrating things in stories is when the author totally forgets that Peter was one of their best friends and treats him badly.
Other than those two leetle things, I enjoyed this chapter immensely. It was so cute. Hope I didn't come across as too harsh with the Peter thing or too confusing with the band thing. I highly recommend you post a thread on the Help Needed section of the forum or Google "Popular 70's Bands" or something. =)Author's Response: Ge... you sure got a lot to say.
About the band thing. I was too lazy to go research some good 70's bands so I put in some of my favorites in hopes that no one would care about the era difference. But since someone did...
I guess you're right again about the Peter and Snape thing. Still in OotP it seemed to me that James didn't really like Peter that much, and he's hideous in the movies so I don't think any girl would really want to "choose" him. I will, however, change the "Pettigrew" thing. I'm so sorry about that.
*phewf Well thank you for all of your help. I think this is the most help I've gotten so far. Thanks a million! Report Review
I like this chapter as well. It made me smile. I like Lily's pep talk and her reason for going out with him -- the PMS one, although the one she gave her friends is good too.
I didn't really find anything to mention in this chapter, so well, this is an empty review =P
Good job! =)Author's Response: Yay! I didn't screw it up! hee hee. That's a first! Well I'm glad you liked it and thank you for all of your excellent reviews. Report Review
I think that this chapter is my favourite so far. I like the rules that Narcissa and Lily laid down, except for number seven, I think it is, where Lily has to wear matching clothes with James. That seems a bit ... far fetched. Where are they going to get matching clothes?
Other than that, I enjoyed this chapter very much. I just have to point out that you spelled "schedule" wrong and I believe the last Lily has a double "l" -- Lilly.
Excellent job on this chapter =)Author's Response: Grr! I can never spell "schedule"
Well... I mostly added that in for humor sake but it was suppose to mean that if James wore a navy shirt, Lily would wear a navy shirt. If James wore jeans, Lily wore jeans.
I'll go fix those spelling errors. Thank you for reviewing. Report Review
This was a pretty good chapter, although I liked the first one better. I found Lily a bit OOC this time 'round, though. Personally, I think she was too stubborn and strong willed to have Narcissa trick her into doing something like that, especially if she knows she'll probably be dumping James at the end of the two weeks (assuming it lasts that long) and really, really hurting him.
Also, you seem to be contradicting yourself here. You said in the first chapter that Lily was considered the sweetie, the nice one, yet we haven't seen her be nice to anyone else except for her friends, and well, it's practically a given that people are nice to their friends.
I do like the idea of Lily as the rich one, though, instead of James. That's rarely ever seen and it's a nice change.
Despite those few, minor things, I liked this chapter, and I like how the story is beginning to take shape. =)Author's Response: Wow that was a mouthful.
My apologies again. I did take notice the fact that I seemed to only make Lily nice to her friends. Sorry but she never really gets a chance to be nice to other people besides her friends. That is a flaw on my part, but if you can try to just picture her as a fiery but not unkind person.
Ha ha... well I agree with you that Lily is quite strong willed and stubborn, but Lily doesn't think that James really likes her. She thinks that he only wants to go out with her for the attention so no she doesn't realize how much he truley loves her there fore she didn't think that doing this could possibly hurt him. Besides she's seen James do things to others that are just as cruel as what she's doing. And I guess she didn't think ahead while making this bet with Narcissa. I'm probably going to add that in somewhere so that no one else gets confused by it. Thank you so much! This is incredible feedback. Report Review
Well, so far it seems pretty good. Your James seems a bit OOC, just in the fact that he seems so very ... desperate. We were shown in OotP that he desperately wanted to catch Lily's attention, but I don't think he'd go so far as to wait outside her window on his broom, then sneak inside her dorm. That seems almost ... stalkerish.
Other than that, I enjoyed this chapter. I like your writing style, and the way you described things. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your story =)
Author's Response: Really? you think he was OoC? You're the first person to say that but I'm almost thinking that you're right because of your referance to OotP. Oh well... sorry about that but I like this OoC James and he fits in better with the story. Well glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the honest review. Report Review
Oh my goodness, heartbreaking, but beautiful all the same. The feelings and the strength of them was evident here and it was positively marvelous.Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! I'm so happy you like it! Report Review
Another good story. I liked the first part the best, I never really thought about the Potter/Longbottom's reactions to the Prophecy, and I liked the way you depicted it. The second part was very good as well, emotional but not too emotional. Well done.Author's Response: I really don't see many authors even try to depict it, so I figured I might as well use it as an introduction. I figured that there would be such a rush of emotions that Sirius wouldn't even be able to really comprehend what he was feeling - mostly shock, really. The angstier parts tend to come afterit's sunk in. Thanks! Report Review
Ah ha, it's good. C'est tres good. I like the babbling!James at the beginning of the chapter and how we got a glimpse of him near the end as well. I think you captured both their characters very well and it was an enjoyable read =)Author's Response: Babbling!James is fun. Actually, Babbling!AnyCharacter is fun. Just because they're not really in on what's happening yet they're good tools to help with the fic. Thanks for the review! Report Review
It's pretty good! I like how you didn't have Lily stalling and wasting time because she was distraught -- which I'm sure she was, but the way you had her realise that she needed to keep going, for Harry's sake, was very realistic and probably how she was trained. I just noticed one "thru" that should've been a "through". It was a marvelous story that was enticing, and the ending was just magnificent. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you. I tried to write it in a manner that matched what I would do if my own children were in danger. I think its what any mother would do. Report Review
"So you'll marry me then?" Ha, that was great! I think you kept everything very realistic, except, maybe for the part where James immediately takes her back. From what we learned of James (and this could just be me), but I think he's very passionate, and quick to jump to conclusions. I think that her shagging him and leaving, just like that, would've wounded his pride as well, and he would've been angry and less willing to take her back like that.
Other than that, I really enjoyed it! =)Author's Response: I think that's my favorite line as well :) I actually considered that about James not taking her back right away... because shagging and leaving is a pretty crappy thing to do... but for the sake of brevity and my sanity, a quick moving ending had to happen. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it... I enjoyed writing it too :) Thanks for reading! Report Review
Bless you, that was amazing. Your descriptions, dialogue, everything was perfect. I love the spur of the moment proposal. Very good job!Author's Response: Thanks so much! =D Report Review
It's great! It's such a weighted story; the topic is so heavy, if you know what I mean, but I think you transmitted it perfectly. I love how you wrote James' reaction, and how Sirius was there to help Lily.
Very well done!Author's Response: Thank you, canadian, much appreciated! Report Review
Brilliant! It's brilliant so far! Honestly, it's hard to believe you've never written humour before; I laughed out loud reading this, and I hardly ever do that. It was only after I had finished that horid task that it ocurred to me that I had just injested that filth.
Brilliant!Author's Response: I'm so glad that you are enjoying this! Lol And trust me, I have an incredibly hard time at writing humor. So far this story has been written in short 10 minute spans of typing (the abomination that is chapter 3 for instance) or in 2 minute time spans over the space of two weeks! Truly sad isn't it? Lol Report Review
Hm, I like it! It's cute, although I felt that you should've expanded on Harry and Ginny's conversation a bit. She hasn't seen him in three years; since he went looking for the horcruxes. I think they'd have a longer conversation, talking about what happened after he left, and who they've dated, etc.
Also, they way you mention it, it sounds as if the day they went looking for the Horcruxes was at the beginning of what would be their seventh year, and I don't think that Ginny would agree to marry someone who she hadn't seen in three years - for all she knows, he could be completely different. Of course, if you didn't mean it like that; that they started their Horcrux search at the beginning of seventh year, you could reword the part where they hadn't seen each other since that day.
Whew, that was somewhat long, and probably slightly harsh (I'm sorry!) but I did find this an enjoyable read, and I loved Remus' and Tonks' plan at the end. Good job, overall!Author's Response: I agree that since they hadn't seen each other for a long time that I should've expanded their conversation. About the Horcruxes part, I never really was comfortable with the way I phrased it. I understand how it could be confusing and I plan to do some editing in the near future. With homework, tests, and presentations, I have a tight schedule ahead of me.Believe me, I'm glad that you pointed out these things to me. Not everyone does that, and I thank you for doing so. And you don't sound as harsh as you think you did, all that matters is that you said what you had to say. I'm glad you found it enjoyable and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Aww...that was so cute! I like how you ended it, it made me smile; it was like the (no pun intended) icing on the cake :P.Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad I made you smile! And yes, it was sort of like icing on the cake, wasn't it? Thanks for the nice review! Report Review
"Ron's right behind you...the whole Weasley clan plus Hermione is behind you...you might want to work on your timing a bit..." Ah ha ha, really good! I believe, though, that Ginny's birthday is in August (correct me if I'm wrong) so she couldn't be fifteen at the same time as Harry. Ah well, it's so minor, it doesn't matter.
Good job!Author's Response: Thanks, Canadian! Let's see. . .*thinking*. . .*thinking*. . .If Harry was turning sixteen. . .then Ginny would be turning. . .fifteen. Darn, you're right. Must've overlooked that minor detail. =D Thanks for pointing it out. Report Review
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