Reading Reviews From Member: Mistress
288 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MistressAgainst All Odds: A Case of Denial

30th December 2009:
I wrote a lot of stuff on the document for this chapter, so I'm trying to think of what I could put here. You asked if I like Amos. Of course not. Does anyone? I can't stand him. He is so fake, which is what I don't like about him. Doesn't seem real--I'd like to see another side to him in the future. Something that makes him weak. He seems to high up in the hierarchy of Hogwarts. Hmm.

I liked this chapter. Sirius is a great addition, but definitely watch out for your secondary characters to take over. You mentioned how a lot of people were more interested in Sirius/Aria...that's because their plot is starting to take over while James and Lily are getting less air time. Especially James, poor boy. I'm looking forward to some more answers in this next chapter. Great job!

Author's Response: Hmm. Good point about Amos. I'll be working to make sure he is convincing. I never like to read something that isnt convincing.

Ahh yes. Secondary characters. Eeep! Thankfully you have again highlighted what needed to be done and I am all set to go on the chapters that are coming. Thirteen onwards.

Thank you!

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Review #27, by MistressAgainst All Odds: An Unexpected Gesture

30th December 2009:
I liked this chapter, despite its shortness. I really enjoyed the different partners in potions and James getting a little emotional in front of Aria. I would actually like to see more of their relationship. You sort of tell me they have one and they've known each other forever, but I don't see it enough. Just in the dialogue and references. Maybe some James/Aria time? They seem very close. Great chapter!

Author's Response: Their relationship, James and Aria's, will definitely be coming. Never fear! I'm so glad you have highlighted the problem areas for me. I want this story to be as good as I can make it.

Thank you for the review!

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Review #28, by MistressAgainst All Odds: Marauders are Men!

30th December 2009:
I really liked this chapter. The interactions between James and Lily and Sirius and Aria were great!! The whole in the dark, voiceless magic thing was great and the tension was wonderful. I also loved how everyone was so nonchalant about Aria going red when she got that kiss. They were all, "Yeah, duh. About time you figured it out." I liked that. She's a little in doubt, but it works. I'm going to enjoy her squirming in chapters to come. I liked the end too. Sure, I've seen it done before, but I like how slick Sirius is. I'm going to enjoy seeing all of those things come into play :) Great job!

Author's Response: Hahaha! I loved how you described Sirius as slick. That's definitely what I am going for with him. Slick in a good way though.
And there certainly is going to be some major squirming in the coming chapters. It wouldn't be a story without some mad sexual tension.

Thank you!

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Review #29, by MistressAgainst All Odds: To court, or not to court?

30th December 2009:
I really loved this chapter. You were right about it--it's my favorite thus far. I like all the ideas floating around in this chapter and the part about the invisibility cloak was fabulous. I like the Remus has a crush on someone, though I'm hoping to find out more about her in the future. I'm not sold on this Chloe thing, though. I have a few questions about her, which will come later--not about her I guess, but about the situation. Things that should have been inserted. I liked the tone of this chapter--I like how Lily is starting to have a bit of a softer side, but she is still too hard to get me feeling for her. James has my heart at the moment...hopefully Lily will get in sooner or later haha. Great job!

Author's Response: I'm so pleased you enjoyed this chapter. I must have been in a good creative mood at the time I wrote it.
I'm so sorry these responses are pathetic but I think I have exhausted myself already. But you certainly are number one reviewer.


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Review #30, by MistressAgainst All Odds: It's Potter to you!

30th December 2009:
I really enjoyed this chapter. I like where the characters are going, though I think you could still use more tiny details and little characterizations. You might want to work on your guy-reaction-dialogue a little more, but when you aren't a guy it's sort of hard to write them haha! I'm indifferent about them being paired together. My problem is that it's predictable and convenient and being used to get them to cooperate together, but I also think it's a good thing because they need to talk. I liked Sirius walking in later. Good. Lily is still coming off as really strong, even when it's in her POV. Dial her back a little and give her a softer side. I'm thinking as of right now Aria could be my favorite character. I like her humor and her elbowing. Give her some more spunk. Make her toss some food or get a little crazy once in a while. Great job!

Author's Response: Yeah.. as I wrote this so long ago, the later chapters are a little more well planned and hopefully the characterisation comes through a bit more. I'm slowly learning everythign that should be done to grab your readers in.
Also working on the characters as well.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #31, by MistressAgainst All Odds: An Unwanted Arrival

30th December 2009:
This was a good one, I really liked it. Chloe is dynamic and is going to bring so many plot twists. I can foresee her in many chapters to come. Don't forget about her. She could be a regular Darian Bay haha. I really like the bets, especially between Aria and Sirius. I like the mystery behind what each person bet. It added a nice level to the whole thing. What I thought this chapter was missing was the sense of sensory (see what I did there?) details throughout. I'm excited to see where this goes next. Great job!!

Author's Response: Yes. I'm glad you think that.. coz she is big trouble that girl. I definitely won't be forgetting about her.
Ahhh yes. Sensory. I'm on that. Thank you so much for the review! I love the balance of constructive criticism and praise!

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Review #32, by MistressAgainst All Odds: Smooth Sailing or Rough Seas?

30th December 2009:
Though most of the things I have for you are in the thing I am going to email you, I thought a praising review was in order. I think the chapters keep getting better and better. Though I am skeptical about some devices used, they're currently being used well. I like that James can get angry, you know? It's nice. He storms off instead of Lily. Good, good. My favorite part is probably the scene with McGonagall talking to Sirius about classes--very funny! Keep putting in details that bring your characters to life, like Lily's blueberry muffin and James ruffling his hair as a nervous habit. It creates characters.

Great job!

Author's Response: Ahh yes.. I'm slowly working in all these things into my writing. Planning certainly goes a long way. Sorry it has taken so long to reply to this. It's been a month. I've been on the bggest laze about fan fiction at the moment.

Thanks so much for the review.

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Review #33, by MistressAll Was Well: A Distorted Mirror

4th December 2009:
I read this chapter last night on my phone and a lot of things stuck with me. I really do like this conflict between Anita and Al. It brings a lot of life to the secondary characters and gives Anita such a personality. Deb doesn't have as much, but she's getting there. I am actually the most fond of Albus in this story because he seems very genuine and wears a lot of his heart on his sleeve (whether or not Anita can tell). I'm not very impressed with Rose and Scorpius lately, mostly because the whole "misunderstanding thing" has been going on forever and seems to keep happening to them. I suppose one of these days someone is going to tell someone else the truth--if only Al could have just spit it out.

I did like Joseph's Hogsmeade situation and Scorp's jealousy. It is a nice touch. I am surprised at how well they perceive every situation but their own. It is chapter 20, they both know how they feel, and yet the plot is not moving forward. It moves sideways, stops, and then moves sideways again like there is a barrier. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess this was a filler chapter since it just filled the reader a bit on the complications of the misunderstanding and didn't really go forward, but it was a good filler :)

Don't get my wrong, I did love this chapter, just a little constructive crit while you develop the next chapter. I am really enjoying the conflicts and interactions between characters. Definitely keep it up.

Out of curiosity, do you use a specific writing program to do these chapters, like Microsoft Word? Great job!

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Review #34, by MistressDragon: Niffler Sniffer

6th September 2009:
My favorite character is definitely Charlie, which is weird for me considering I usually love secondary characters. Something about him I love. Leo is up to something and it has to do with Molly. Oh, nice foreshadowing in a few spots btw. I think the date is going to go well actually. We need more time for Charlie to stew about them dating. Leo + Meg = win.

I really liked this chap, but I had some of my regular beta-ness go off. You rushed a lot of it, but sometimes it worked and other times I wanted scenes and descriptions, you know? It just felt very fast and rushed.

I can't wait to see what is going to happen next. I'm excited and I'm excited to find more out about Molly, niffler sniffing, and polyjuice. :) Great chap!

Author's Response: That is weird for you, I know. It's because he's cocky and has red hair I think. Yes Leo is up to something, well spotted ;) That date is going to go very well haha cause bill is suave

Thanks for the review, oh and if i would have had this beta'd it would still be waiting to go up just like the banner for my other story *wink wink*
love u

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Review #35, by MistressDragon: The Trouble with Mothers, and Friends, and Brothers

7th August 2009:
As a matter of fact, I was definitely at the premiere. I might have seen you there ;) Did you see Rupert? I did. There was this purple camera in most of my pictures though and I could have just screamed :)

I loved this chapter. You know why? Leo. He's so awesome. I want to punch him in the head and I can't wait to see what you do with him next. He sounds like a problem, especially in the Meg department if you know what I mean. Heck, I'm not even sure I know what I mean. Anyway, I love Leo. Cracks me up. But the person I love the most is definitely Bill. I think the only thing you need to really work on is adjusting Bill into your writing style. I like him so far! I like how suave he is because I totally always pictured Bill like that. What a tosser! I really like Bill elbowing Charlie to move to the other side. That just makes the whole scene. That's my favorite quote I think. It's just awkward silence and then.move, dude, this is weird and not masculine enough for two brothers. hahahaha.

Love loved this chapter. I hear you have Spattergroit. How's that working out for you? Good? Fantastic.

Keep up the good work and I can't wait to read the next chapter! 10/10 for shorzz!

Author's Response: That darn purple camera! One of them was in my way as well.

Thanks for the awesome review. I love it! Bill is going to be a handful. I'm so worried about getting his character right that it's coming out all wrong. I'm going to fight with some more in a bit.

I do love that part too. I sat there staring at the screen rereading that part and I was like hmmm they are both on the same side of the table now...that's awkward. Glad you liked that part.

Ur and awesome beta btw, thanks for that :)

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Review #36, by MistressAll Was Well: "There's No Place like Home,"

3rd August 2009:
I completely forgot to add something in my review for the most recent chapter:

"Joseph Loins was looking wonderful and was walking her way. He was just coming back from quidditch practice, wearing Ravenclaw’s new warm jacket over his jersey."

You spelled his name "loins" quite a few times and I erupted into giggles every single one :)

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Review #37, by MistressAll Was Well: Mrs Malfoy More and So No More

3rd August 2009:
I did like this chapter, just as you said I would, MeNuncle. I liked the emotion in this one, I think. And there were more details, which I also liked. The misunderstandings made me twinge a bit, but they were funny so I'm over it, haha. I felt for Scorp the most, I think, but he is so hot-headed it's hard for me to look past that and not want to just slap him in the mouth. I do like the progression, though. It's good. Not really digging the cliffie but that's only because I want Belle to get shoved off the Astronomy Tower. Could you pencil that in for me? If you do I'll dedicate a chapter to you haha. :)

Great chapter, looking forward to the next. I can't remember if I Asked you this before or not, but do you know in the realm of how long this story is going to be? Obviously I wasn't looking for an exact number, but do you think 20-30? 30-40? etc.

Great job!

Author's Response: Yes, this was an AMAZNG chapter to write. It was easy to add detail and emotion because of the situation the characters were in. I think Al will (very grudgedly) feel for scorpius (a little) as much as a potter can for a malfoy because he knows what its like!

And I'm sorry I don't think belle would be flying of the astronomy tower anytime soon. As much as shes getting in the way of scorpius relationship with rose- its not her fault. She really likes scorpius and genrally is an alright person.Shes entitled to want to... you know... with her own boyfriend.

Rose is and idiot and so is scorpius. If they just listened to the other one. Rose is in the wrong for not just spelling it out for him and hes in the wrong for not listening like al told him to. Damn Teens!

I'm not sure how long this is going to be. maybe high 20's-low 30's not sure- we shall see.

Thank you for your review!!


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Review #38, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: Panache

21st July 2009:
Hey! I'm going to email you in a few about this, but I figured I'd drop you a review on here. I loved this chapter. Absolutely loved it. My favorite part was the way it flowed. One paragraph just flowed directly into the next, which was fantastic. I got visibly saddened when told about James' Quidditch career. That's so sad! Good on him for picking himself back up! Great, chap 10/10!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you thought it flowed well and everything. James' back story on his Quidditch career is very sad, but for the most part he's pulled himself together by now.

I appreciate the review, and of course I appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts on this story as I write it. Now go write some more Jane/Oliver! :-)

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Review #39, by MistressAll Was Well: Birthday ‘Surprises’

13th July 2009:
I definitely had to go back through and reread and make sure I saw correctly that it was a real lip on lip kiss they shared. I really enjoyed this chapter, especially Scorp finding out about his "mother". I knew there was something not quite right about her. I felt for Hugo, though it caught me severely off guard when he was sobbing about it. Perhaps Hugo really is the emotional type :) I loved the ending. I found myself saying, ROSE COME ON GEEZ! :) But I do like the suspense. It's great. I enjoyed Rose not being able to keep a secret and I absolutely loved their exchange of pleasantries with the ice cream. It was lovely. Things are really starting to come together between them so I look forward to things happening in the next few chapters.

Also, Joseph is a class A jerkwad.

Author's Response: Yes it was a lip on lip kiss. Not that Rose realised what she was doing until it was done. Thats what impulses do to you. Everyone seems to think that they should be getting together by now but I\\\'d just like to point out if anything happens it won\\\'t happen for a while lol.

Yes we all knew the mother was dodgy. I just hope that it doesn\\\'t effect Skip too mmuch. Poor little Hugo. I don\\\'t think he\\\'s that emotional but he is a Weasley male. I think Carrie really does give him a hard tiime and he\\\'s liked her for so long. this waas just the final straw. and it gives me a chance to write the Weasley family bond which is always fun

Thank you for your amazing review \\\"JustSuper\\\" is baqck for the next one! so that\\\'ll be fun!

Notice that the chapter was dedicated to you?


P.S. I hate Joseph too!

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Review #40, by MistressAgainst All Odds: Head of Houses

4th June 2009:
Oh man, you tossed in the shared common room and bathroom haha! I should hit you for that--only joking! I really enjoyed this chapter, especially the interaction between James and Lily. I can already see her noticing him, which is very nice. I wondered why Gryffidor's sword is in Dumbledore's office, though, since it doesn't end up there until after Harry gets it in COS...but if this is slightly AU that's fine :) Great story thus far, I really like it.

ps. 100.

I shall continue at a later date, but the reviews will be coming!

Author's Response: I knowww! I know. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't know there was cliche until after I had done the first couple of chapters. And there is now way I'm going back and changing it now. I can only write the future chapters incredibly well to make up for it. I hope everyone will find that satisfactory.
Tis a bit AU. Only in that sense though. All the characters and such are the same. Thats one thing that I need to make sure... that they were going to be like JK's. Well... not exactly JK's but you know what I mean.

Even though I don't believe you like it.. thank you for the sentiment. It means a lot coming from YOU, Mistress.
Thanks again!

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Review #41, by MistressAgainst All Odds: Train talk

4th June 2009:
Ah, first chapter. You definitely told me not to read this but when you told me how many reviews you had I had to take charge and give you #99. So here it is. I enjoyed this chap even though I never read Marauder stories. Like, ever actually. But you know that already. I see what you mean about the cliche elements (flaming red hair and jet black hair, etc) and I think in the future you should just think of different or simpler ways of saying the same things. But I haven't read any further so I'm not sure if my advice was wasted and you already did that haha. As for advice, I'd probably just say don't switch POV's so much in one chap. It was very omniscient but in a slightly confusing way. This was a great start and I really love Remus. He's a great character. James cracks me up! Great chap!

Author's Response: I can't believe you did this. I really can't believe it. My heart started pulpatating when I saw that you reviewed. I told you to stay away! Sigh. I guess I'm going to have to live with it now.
Thanks for your advice. I definitely know to not change POV's mid chapter. That was a big mistake.
Glad you like Remus and James. James is my homeboy. He and Sirius are the easiest to write for sure.
Thanks for the review... even though I didn't want it :)

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Review #42, by MistressVisiting with Vampires: Visiting with Vampires

28th May 2009:
Absolutely wonderful. Anything poking fun at Twilight is fab in my book! Thanks for writing...really liked the tosser line by Ron.

Author's Response: :) glad you enjoyed. When I can make fun of twilight and lockhart all at once...why not? The word tosser has grown on me, I think I might have started using it in regular conversation.
I wonder what my sister would do if I called her a tosser.

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Review #43, by MistressDragon: Meeting of the Parents

26th May 2009:
I loved this chapter. My favorite part was Meg's parents...because well, they're pretty much insane. I love Meg's mom. She makes everything so much more interesting, you know? I'm really excited to see more of Molly and Charlie, but the thing I'm most excited about is Bill getting there. I think he'll bring a whole new dynamic to the story which will be a nice change. Looking forward to the next chapter! 10/10

Author's Response: Bill will be making his wonderful appearence in the next chapter. I can't wait til he gets there either. You'll be seeing more of Meg's mom, as you well know ;)

Thanks for reviewing

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Review #44, by MistressAll Was Well: The ‘Belle’ of the Ball

25th May 2009:
I definitely enjoyed this chapter. I liked the last 1/4 in particular, just because of the way the pair of them fit together. The dynamic of Joseph and Belle is very interesting and I'm excited to see where it goes and how Scorp's date goes. Sounds like the next chapter will be very fun!! The only thing I'd suggest is to seriously watch your punctuation but other than that and typos, it was a well constructed chapter with a lot of emotion. Keep it up! Can't wait for the next chap!!

Author's Response: The last quater was my favourite part as well. although I did enjoy makeing them argue. I always like a good arguement. Plenty of drama to come though in future chapters we're not quite finished yet.

I'm not so sure you'll se Scorpius's first date- just as we won't see Roses. However I promice you we will see it soon- whether its in the next chapter or the one after lol sorry- ~I just had to focus on other things this chapter.

again guilty with the puntuation and spelling typos but now I have a beta so the next chapter SHOULD be better- we'll wait and see.

Thank you so much for your comments and all your suport

MeNuncle x

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Review #45, by MistressWe Gryffies: Cuckoo Bananas

2nd May 2009:
Back again! I'm so glad you updated!

That ending was fantastic. Oh, Snorky, what a toolbox you are. Well, I guess it had to get out sometime and James wasn't about to tell. So James knows Tegan fancies him (obvi) but now it doesn't matter because now Tegan knows what happened and that is a recipe for disaster. Can't wait to read the next chapter, I hope you update soon! :)

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Review #46, by MistressDragon: A Secret Keeper

24th April 2009:

Haha, I do love this chapter. It cracked me up, especially the whole Dragon Pox thing. I really liked the dynamic you have going between Meg and Dag and Charlie and Molly. Notice those names end with the same sounds? Like the Sirius, James, Remus...only joking. Really loved your chapter image here, gotta love Marco! With the pox. No laughing matter, folks.

Great chapter, can't wait for you to update again--don't take so long this time! Maybe I'll edit faster, who knows?


Author's Response: yes if you look closely you will see the hidden meaning with in the names *wink wink* The dragon pox was just one of those things I tossed in there to mix things up.

You'll be seeing more of Crest in the future lol

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Review #47, by MistressA Spectral Memory Untouched: "His name is Ian Hayes."

10th April 2009:
Hey I'm back to review the next installment because I really wanted to know what happened. First of all, I want to say sorry if I came off as harsh at all in that last review. It was completely unintended, I wrote you a little snippet on your author page about it but I'm not sure if you've seen it. I really love this story and I think you're doing such a good job. I wanted to help and give you some honest constructive crit, but I realized after going back it came off a little jerky. So for that I'm sorry, please don't think I was trying to be mean or arrogant or anything because this story is so interesting!

Anyway, onto the review, I loved this chapter. It really showed how Jenyse was dealing with the total shock of the situation. I loved how she just gave in to her emotions and let them settle in her until her friends were able to get her out of it. I do love James and Sirius and Remus...and Peter too!

The end was very moving. Poor Jenyse has to do all this stuff and she can't back out of it. This is going to be so interesting! I can't wait to see what happens next, especially how he reacts to her and if he has the same personality of Alec since he wants to be a prof Quidditch player and Alec would rather be a Healer.

Drama! 10/10!

Author's Response: hi! i'm so sorry! i did see that you posted on my meet the author page. it's just that i honestly haven't had time to do ANYTHING lately. i was in the school musical and it just takes over your life. you can ask anyone that was in it with me. haha. it's insane. but it's over now, so here i am answering you!

it is totally fine. i did find your reviews a little blunt, but i know you didn't mean for it to be that way. don't worry about it. and i do agree with some of the things you said. thanks for taking the time to clear it up!

oh, thanks so much! it means a lot that you liked it. i've had kind of a hard time writing jenyse's feelings without being redundant. i guess i pulled it off? haha. and i'm glad you like my interpretations of the marauders!

ahh! thanks so much! and no worries. there'll be lots of al--ian. if anything, it WILL be interesting. thanks again!!!

~ Danica

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Review #48, by MistressAll Was Well: Numb

25th March 2009:
Heyy it's me! I really loved this chapter! I found myself very interested through the whole thing, especially the relatives going on to Lions. It might have been a little lengthy, but it was funny. I loved the line about the garden. Wonderful. Rose being drunk made me laugh so hard! Wonderful little addition so she didn't have to kiss Lions at midnight and so Ron and Scorp could have that talk. Things are getting so interesting--I wonder how ill Rose is going to feel in the morning since she went to sleep while still drunk.

Overall great chapter, just watch a few cliche wordings in descriptions. Just make sure they're not too overused. Also, try not to do the "the faster you review the faster I update" because generally readers don't respond well to tiny threats. I know I generally don't read any stories that beg for reviews. Just a tippie :)

Anyway, I really loved this chap! It showed so much internal Scorp and I love seeing what is in his head. Great job! Can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: I loved the line about the garden too! I adored it. it was actually my friend who helped with that- she told me a story about her brother and this boy she was dating at the time- and i thought it was too impossibly goood to not use it in my story si thats sort of based on real life. except it was gun instead of shovel and well obviously it was true.

I loved Rose getting drunk aswell and the way she tiold scorpius of for drinking as well.

Ron and Scorpius' talk was like wow! I loved it because its really hard for ron and he's trying and now he likes Scorpius- his devotion to his family and mother story may have helped his case as well.

And skips internal thoughts and fellings. I love his charater too! I think we'll have more Rose in the next chapter but a couple of scenes will still be him so you'lkl get a lot of skip next too!

Thank you for reviewing- i know you're pressed for time,

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Review #49, by MistressA Subtle Touch Unseen: "I will always be yours."

12th March 2009:
I think you set yourself up very well for a sequel, but I don't really like the ending of the chapter. Of course you're the author, but I'm not sure it was set up exactly like it should have been. You crunched too much into too small a space so the reader didn't have time to properly react. I should have been crying when Alec thought he was dying and Jenyse was sobbing, but I didn't buy into it. Maybe it was becuase the story was only 11 chapters long, but I just didn't buy the horror. And then he was alive and she was jumping for joy! But I didn't have time to react to that either becuase of all of a sudden he didn't remember her. It was just too jumpy I think but some edits would fix that right up. Good deal.

Here are some little things I've been noticing and since you asked for constructive crit I thought I would share a bit with you. In writing it is important to make your protagonist as intelligent as you or your reader. To have Jenyse be THAT dense makes her less intelligent then your reader and so they don't buy into it. I just found myself skipping the large paragraphs of her asking mundane questions because I didn't buy her density. Not that she can't be dense, but she just needs to be a bit more convincing I think :) But I do love her as a character.

Also, don't state the obvious to readers, especially in terms of what someone was referencing in dialog. If they're referencing an inside joke that we already know about or like in one dialog tag Alec was talking about her tongue, the reader already knows what it is.

One more thing, is don't over reference previous foreshadowing. I read the story so I know the foreshadowing points with Alec's dialog. You don't need to go back over them. maybe a few lines in both of those places that were in italics, but not that many. Let the readers figure it out when they read the story again.

Overall great job. Great idea for a story. :)

Author's Response: ahhh. sorry you didn't like the ending. i tried.

again, sorry about the big paragraphs. i have to work on those. i am glad you like Jenyse's character.

right. no obvious point-outs. got it.

ahh, sorry again. i just used the flashbacks because i took forever when i updated this story. i'm a very slow writer, and i figured people would forget those minor clues about the truths of Alec.

thanks for all your comments! i really appreciate all of them!!

~ Danica

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Review #50, by MistressA Subtle Touch Unseen: "For you, I will."

12th March 2009:
Another good and very interesting chapter. I felt a bit like the Marauders and Travis have been put on the backburner since their plots were rather important during the beginning of the story and they have been shoved aside now. I liked how everything was explained at the end of this chapter because I was very curious and slightly confused, which I'm sure was obvious. Good deal, I'll comment more on the next chapter. Good chap!

Author's Response: yeah. i used the clues to explain everything. i didn't want the explanations to be random. that would've defeated the whole purpose of the clues. thanks thanks thanks! i'm glad you enjoyed this chapter!

~ Danica

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