Reading Reviews From Member: Mistress
  
318 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MistressSummer Storms, Glass and Tinsel: Hooked

27th September 2013:
Hi there! I saw your review on DTTT so I thought I would pop over and have a look. It really makes me sad I don't have as much time as I used to for reading fanfic, but I was delighted to see it was the perfect chapter to read during an afternoon at work. So alas, here I am!

I am so proud you posted a story here! It is really a great community of writers and practicing with fanfic is such a great gateway to other things like original fic, poetry, formulaic essays, etc. Trust me.

It's a wonderful start. You clearly have a set idea of how you want your characters to be and how you want them to react to each other. You can see your story and I can tell that through your writing, which is so important. You can see Chelsea's eyes and the Quidditch pitch and the library. That's amazing!

I do have a few suggestions for future chapters. Keep practicing and you'll be even more amazing than you already are!

Have a look at your grammar/punctuation before submitting. You were ace with your spelling, but I noticed several times there should have been commas ... especially tagging dialog. Like "Hey, loser," he said. I also think it's easier on readers with fanfic if you separate speakers into different paragraphs so readers aren't confused as to who is talking.

Also, be careful not to fall into common traps. A lot of times it's easy to just make James this swaggy Quidditch captain who woos all the ladies and the OC into a sassy girl that doesn't take anyone's crap. And this story is so short that it's hard to branch out from that. For example -- James in BTQC is the Gryffindor Captain and pretty arrogant, but he also has this huge heart. Because I picked a novel, I was able to showcase his pink pygmy puff, V-Card, family issues, etc. All of the things that make him different from the "cliché" James that floats around the forums. I put "cliché" in quotes because I don't believe in it, but this is for example purposes. So I think in the future, it's important to think about what makes your James or Fred or whomever different from mine or other author's? Same with your OC. She has a lot of sass, but I don't know much else about her. You can even drop hints in dialog. I love that she has spunk and jelly-legs-jinxes James for getting lip. That's brilliant!

I think the kissing scene felt a touch out of place. Not because it wasn't good -- it was fine. Just because the pacing of the story was so fast, and then it almost halted at that part. I was caught off guard by how fast Chelsea went from being annoyed with James to snuggling up to him at the library. Then they were kissing, which took up several more sections than it should have with the pacing. But it was fine content-wise.

I just felt like this was the kind of story where you want more. It's brushing the surface of these two characters. And I think that if you ever do edits or add on... I would think about how James treats other people and how fast Chelsea forgave his bad attitude and pompousness. I think she would be a little more Ryan Davies a la "Hormones" in that they have to prove themselves a little more than a few lines of dialog to get on her side. Especially when internally James says "she was a nobody" or whatever that line was -- you're showing the reader that James thinks there is a big difference between being somebody and being nobody. Especially when he offers to boost her popularity. I know it is deemed as a joke, but it gives us a little insight onto how he jokes and how he sees people other than those at the top...

Anyway, just a few thoughts from breezing through your lovely story at work today! I'm very happy I was able to inspire you to get into James/OC and I am seriously super proud of you for posting a story! I hope you continue to write and post more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! It really means so much! Seriously, made my day!!

The comments really helped, I should get more into writing, I'm thinking of working on a novella,whenever I try to get started on a novel, I never finish. So, yeah. I've picked up on the punctuation, English was never a strong point of mine. It's just a passion. I really need to keep an eye on that.

And I've never really read next gen, I should really read more. I was always into marauders and Oliver wood. Due to my lack of next gen knowledge, I'm not really sure about cliches, especially with James. But I will keep an eye out. I'm currently reading 30 days of you and me, it is amazing. I'm in love with Scorpius!!

Thank you so much!! The review was really useful! I'm really excited you read my one shot! Hope you had a good day at work :) Thank you again.


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Review #2, by MistressDraco's Silence: The Struggle

2nd November 2012:
Hey! Look at me! Reading! Reviewing! All of the above. First of all, I'm honored you would dedicate a story to my husband and me. You are so sweet and thank you again for all of your support.

This story was definitely dark, but I don't think it was as dark as you thought it was. I really loved the way Draco cares for his family. You can tell throughout the story he has a big heart, which has only strengthened since the war. It was very believable having him as a Healer. I liked that.

I also have a love/hate relationship with his internal reasoning for blaming himself. Obviously if it's a disease they couldn't cure, at least someone else would be on it or doing research, etc. But at the same time, I believe his reasoning because the guilt is consuming him. I love it. Doesn't matter how true it is, it's that he believes it.

Make sure you watch your commas. When you put a line of dialogue, there is a comma before the quotation mark if it is followed by something like "he said," etc. Like: "You are the only reason I'm alive," he whispered.

Also try to balance the wording as much as you can. For example, in the beginning there were several casual phrases and then they were mixed with big, authoritative words. It made me believe it a little less. It got a little wordy in parts, but you are definitely having a great start!

I think this story was excellent. I like the way the series of events unfolded and the way Draco justified things to himself. I also really loved Scorpius and his nightmare. The moments with Scorpius were my favorite in the story.

Keep up the good work! I'm very excited you are working on a humor novel! Thanks for writing :)

Author's Response: GAHGAHAGAHAGAH THANKS! Thank you so much! You guys deserved it, honestly. All that work!
Right. Well, firstly, it could be slightly depressing. At the end.
Hmmm... about blaming himself, it definitely isn't rational. He's sort of stuck with a personal attachment to the girl and so he's taken it upon himself to fix it single-handedly. Yeah, though, they'd probably put more people on it.
Meh. I should really probably know that by now. I learnt that when I was about seven, so honestly, I should be doing that by now. I'll watch out for it.
Yeah. I tend to do that myself, and then my friends look at me like 'What are you doing'. I just sort of smile sheepishly. Okay, though, I see it. So, should I just separate the word use? Maybe use casual and then use other, more complex words in different contexts?
Thank you. Thanks so much. I'm really glad that you liked it. Scorpius is a cutie. Loved making up his nightmare.
This humor novel is going to be my NaNoWriMo so I'll need to edit and things at the end.
So, yeah. Thanks, dear. I'm chuffed (see, see this is an in context example of 'to be chuffed'. I don't think you'd find it in the dictionary, but still). Thank you!
Shindig :D


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Review #3, by MistressBlossoming: two

15th July 2012:
Hi there! Back again!

I really enjoyed this chapter because it was all cute and adorable and snarky!

I do think it may have been a touch heavy on the dialogue in comparison to scenic details of the surroundings and body language that would have complimented it great. But it was great!

FAVORITE line:

"Oh, sorry. I'm ever so sorry Miss Mouse, please find it in your stuffing to forgive me?"

I love the 'find it in your stuffing.' So funny!

Great job on this chapter!

Author's Response: Eep! You're reviewing again! :D
Thank you so much!
I'll probably go back and add in some details, thanks for the tips :)
And glad that was your favourite line, that was one of my personal favourites too ;)
Thank you so much for reviewing! :D


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Review #4, by MistressTask One Challenge: One of Those Moments: The Things You Do for a Friend

12th July 2012:
I really enjoyed this story. I liked how interesting it was and it had me hooked right from the beginning. Thank you for sharing it and for supporting the Hufflepuff House :) The bestestestest.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad that you found it interesting - I certainly had a lot of fun writing it!

And go Hufflepuff!


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Review #5, by MistressBeat For Me: Puppy Dog Eyes, Hyaenas And Cheering Charms.

10th July 2012:
Hey Abhi! I'm here! I'm here! Thanks for your patience with me while my life settled down a touch.

I really think you have a great start here for a novel. You clearly know your characters well and know exactly what you want from them. They're a really dynamic mix of personalities, which I definitely found amusing!

I did notice a few quick fixes, though. If you could, I would suggest having a beta look through it for things like having the commas inside of quotation marks and you switched between past and present tense rather frequently. The spacing was also a little strange, so I would fix that so that there is a definitive space between each paragraph. If you still want the bigger spaces, you could always use a *.

A lot of characters were introduced in this first chapter, so I'd also suggest scaling it back in the next one and really focusing on your girl and maybe a couple other people. Just get in some back story and not quite as much crazy dialogue, as much fun as it was to read!

OH my favorite quote:

“Fred! You ruin all the fun!”, I whined still laughing, clutching my stomach.
“Darling, I am the fun.”, he suggestively said, before winking.

I burst out laughing!

Other minor fixables: If you have a ? you don't need a comma afterward in dialogue. Same with a period. Keep all punctuation inside of those quotation marks. Also watch your use of words like you're and your. Also, I would keep it to just one ? or ! I think more is overkill and not needed, as I already know they are shouting. I think you can get away with the occasional ?! though. I know I do on a frequent basis ;)

Of course you know I am a total sucker for one-liners. Loved this exchange:

He chuckled.
The git.

So cute. I love the little snippets. I also love how much energy you put into this story. It really seems like you were excited and happy to write it and I can completely tell. A lot of times a reader can sense when a writer just isn't into it anymore and that is definitely not the case with this story!

Definitely let me know when the next chapter is up and if you'd like me to throw a chapter image your way. I would definitely be delighted! This is a wonderful start and I know it's going to be a great story that you will love! Thank you for writing it!

Author's Response: Hey Jancie!
THANK you for reviewing, it really made me smile.

Im pretty bad at grammar and punctuation, so yes, i will get someone to look over that. As soon as I put it in the queue i realised that i may have introduced TOO many characters, and that TOO much was happening, but yes, I will scale it down next chapter and focus on just a few people.

I knew you would like that bit! For some reason I thought of Fred from BTQC when I wrote it.

About the tense changes, I do have a problem with that. Will try to fix it, its horrible and something I'm working on.

Thank you so much for your review, I will definitely take on ALL of your advice and apply it next chapter. This feels weird because usually its me writing a review for you, and you replying.

The banner for the story IS coming! And I would LOVE it if you could do a chapter image for the next chapter. Ill let you know when.

Again, thank you for your lovely review, it really made my day. I hope you continue to follow my story! It would mean a lot.


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Review #6, by MistressBlossoming: one

9th July 2012:
I think this is a great start to a story! It's so interesting and different because so many stories take place in Hogwarts and in a generation that places the characters at that age. I really like the start of this, especially the way that the entire story begins if that makes sense. The opening 3 paragraphs already had me snickering and I like Phoebe's snarky character and her internal dialogue.

I think Ells is going to take a bit of getting used to, but I like her as well. She seems a great fit for a best friend!

I wonder who this Louis is! How handsome :)

Great opening chapter!

Author's Response: hold on, I'm having an internal freak-out, you're reviewing my stories! ahh!
*fangirling*
okay, I'm done ;)
thank you so much! I agree, so many stories do take place at Hogwarts, but I just wanted to do something different :)
Yes, Ellie does take some time in getting used to, but she's loveable :D
read on and you'll see who Louis is ;)
thank you so much for reviewing :D


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Review #7, by MistressGolden Girl: Chapter 1

31st May 2012:
Hey! I wanted to come by and check out your story so far!

There are a lot of things I really like and some stuff you can definitely work on. So I figured I'd share some thoughts. I really love the premise. I love the idea of them having this holiday all together. Are you going to be giving more background of what happened before the story took place while they were there?

I also like that Rose and Dom are best friends. You really don't see that too often and I think it's brilliant. I like that Rose sees herself as Average and not "ugly." That's refreshing.

I would suggest maybe running this through a beta before you post it? You've got most of the stuff down, but there are some punctuation errors that threw me (like when you do dialogue, don't forget there is a comma and not a period: "blah blah," said Al.)

I also really like that it is in present tense!!

Another thing that you may want to fix in edits, is your introduction of SO many characters in the first chapter. Generally, you want to introduce as few as possible in your first chapter in order for your reader to get to know your mc. I felt like I was thrown from Rose when you gave me the overview of everyone else and to be honest, by the time I got to the end of the chapter, I couldn't remember the details. So save those to be woven in throughout the rest of the story. You don't need every detail of every person thrown in right away! :)

I like that Scorp and Rose don't really like each other, though I'd like to see more motivation than the small paragraph that was devoted to it. I want to know why she's so livid mad. And how Al and Scorp became friends. And what his/her mannerisms are.

For the future: I think you have a lot of great options. Just be very careful with the Head Boy/Girl thing. Don't tread on cliches. If you do cliches, make them new and inventive and interesting! It seems Rose/Scorp has become somewhat of a headcanon, but I know you can make it your own and very interesting.

Just make sure your dialogue furthers the plot. If it doesn't, cut it. You don't need it.

So thank you for the great first chapter and I hope you keep working on the story! Good luck!

Author's Response: Thank you so, so, so much for this review! Not only was it my first, but it was also really helpful. I'm a new author, so everything you said was incredibly useful. I'm glad you enjoyed it and am super thankful for your feedback.
:)


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Review #8, by MistressSeven: A Mock Salute And A Handful Of Sherbet Lemons

22nd January 2012:
I really love the idea of a soil fight. And the hand-print :) Great stuff, haha. I'm a big fan of snowball fights in stories, so this is definitely a fun twist on that idea. I feel for Dixie, though I do wish she'd man up a bit. Hopefully she will in the future!

Author's Response: I really enjoyed writing the scene that mentioned that, if I remember correctly :D
Thank you for the review! I like reading about snowball fights too, they're just so beautiful to imagine!
Dixie does grow as a person ... eventually, I hope that you like the rest of the story!


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Review #9, by MistressSeven: Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes, I Promise Never to Get in to Trouble Again

22nd January 2012:
Great chapter :) I really want to know what the heck happened over that Christmas break! I liked her run-in with Fred. Showed a lot more of her character. I also quite like James.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you're liking the characters! :)

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Review #10, by MistressSeven: The Eloquent Charms of Fredrick Weasley

22nd January 2012:
Great start to this story :) I like Drew, he's a really fun character!!

Author's Response: Hiya! Thank you very much for the review! I'm glad that you like Drew! :)

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Review #11, by MistressFlatline: Flatline.

21st January 2012:
I'm so, so glad you suggested I read this. I wandered over to have a look casually. Well, now I'm at the end. Oh, you know, just sobbing my eyes out. Casual enough, right? This was absolute brilliance. And of course I felt all of it. I can't even imagine. This was so intense and so well-written and SO SAD. I need a pick-me-up after that. And a box of tissues. Great, great story. Thank you so much for sharing it!
10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much babe!! Hah I'm glad it made you cry (as weird as that is)

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Review #12, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: So a Seeker and a Radio Host Walk Into a Bar...

4th October 2011:
Ahhh. My favorite story.

I finally got a chance to read it with the whole starting a new job fiasco. I can't tell you how much I love every chapter. Each of your characters if fantastic, and even though sometimes I have to work my brain to remember which has which personality, I love them all. James always steals my heart. I know you know I have a special place for him in any story. But at the end with his obsession with Hannah. Just makes me cry laughing. I also had to stop myself from doing said laugh-crying simply because I am currently at my new job taking a break from press releases and other nonsense I don't want to do.

Fabulous chapter! I can't wait for your next update! Update when you can (which I hope is sickeningly soon. Like...in an hour). Thank you for writing!

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Review #13, by MistressA&E: Chapter 1

28th July 2011:
Great start to the story! I'm definitely interested in where it's going from here, especially with Alex being attached to Ben and all that. This should make for some serious drama llamas! This is my favorite quote:

"Awww, but James, you know that's my favourite."

"I don't care; I want cake of the chocolate variety."

I love it, haha. Made me giggle. Great start! Looking forward to reading more!

Author's Response: I'm so excited by the fact that you reviewed!
Thank you so much.


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Review #14, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: That Rare Commodity, Excitement

1st March 2011:
UH OH. I'm so pumped to see what is going on. Here's the thing, though, and I am fairly certain you know what I am going to say...there is no more to read. Just these last eleven chapters and my own imagination running away with your fantastic characters. We can't have that, can we? Anyway, I'm so thrilled to read about what happens next! Update as soon as you get the chance :) Fabulous chapter/story!
xoxo Mistress

Author's Response: I know, and I am going to try to update very very soon! Recently this fic was on an obscenely long hiatus - I posted chapter 10 only about a week ago, and chapter 11 just last night. The next chapter will be a pretty long one, I think, plus I'm trying to keep my other main WIP afloat with regular updates now, so it may be another week or two before chapter 12 here.

I was so shocked and thrilled to see all these reviews from you. You have no idea how much it helped me get through a crappy day! I am going to try to make a point to get over to your author page soon and catch up!

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #15, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: People Who Actually Get Paid to Do What They Do

1st March 2011:
Ah, what another fantastic chapter! I really loved it. REALLY. So darn GOOD. I think what i love the most is this entire next NEXT gen that you have going on. How they all have lives and careers outside of Hogwarts. You've done such an amazing job at it. Seriously. I'm sickly addicted, and I really don't read much fanfiction anymore since I'm so consumed in writing it. Seriously. If you look at the distance between some of my reviews it's sad. But this story always has me coming back for more. thanks for writing it :) The next review will be far less happy because then I'll have to wait AGAIN for more.

Author's Response: I'm actually very afraid of writing anything set in Hogwarts because...well, JKR did it so well, who wants to compete? And when I started this fic, eons ago, it seemed like there weren't very many fics about life after Hogwarts for the Next Gen-ers. Now there seem to be a lot more. But I know what it's like to be a twenty-something, so I figure I'm in a good position to be writing this.

I know how hard it is to read fanfic with any kind of regularity or frequency, so I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review this - literally every chapter, my gosh. It means the WORLD to me.

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #16, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: Snappers, Creepers, and Other Things That Go Bump In the Night

1st March 2011:
Gold:
1. I take it back. My life is a soap opera. Explains why I spend all my time with Ogden and Tonic. Oh, and the cats, too, I suppose.

As for the end.my response this time was a serious drop of the jaw. So much, in fact, that it actually hurt after hanging there for a while. This was what I said, "OH MY GODRIC." I really did. Now THAT is going to be an absolute riot. RIOT.

I want to know about Al and Tibby's date!!

Fantastic, as usual!

Author's Response: I think you're the first person to point out that line. I was starting to wonder if nobody got it!

It's probably bad enough I emasculated James by destroying his career, but apparently I didn't feel that bad about it. James/Andy. That's hot.

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #17, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: The Potter Persuasion

1st March 2011:
I want to hope this line was somehow inspired by The Hangover. Not that it's an uncommon line.

1. I shrugged. “Ron will tell me everything. And put some trousers on, yeah? I find it weird I have to ask twice.”
...AND I just read the author note. Fantastic move :)

Oh, and I let out a very loud GASP when I saw Al's name. And I did a dramatic hand-over-mouth thing as well. I'm at work so lucky no one is in here to see me looking silly.

What a fantastic chapter! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

So what you've done? Unleashed caps lock.

Author's Response: Haha, yeah. That line. Not exactly original, but kinda necessary in life, I felt. And probably less of a blatant ripoff than if Fred and James and Ted decided to steal Mike Tyson's tiger.

DRAMA. I had to manufacture a fake plot somehow. XD

CAPSLOCK FTW. AND THANK YOU.

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #18, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: Questionable Lifestyle Choices

1st March 2011:
Now THIS is gold:
1. I mean a really angry bowtruckle. A bowtruckle who’s lost his job, been chucked by his girlfriend, and stubbed his toe whilst being told he was actually adopted, all in the same day.
-Yes.

I would also like to say that some filler chapters end up being my favorite chapters. I loved this chapter. The family dynamic is one of my favorites that I have read. This story is fantastic! I am so eager to find out what else happens. And I know I am going to be in a very sour mood when I reach the end.

Author's Response: I think this has been one of my favorite chapters to write so far, too. Maybe because of sexpot!Hugo.

Glad you liked the bowtruckle line. :-)

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #19, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: Sweetheart Pants

1st March 2011:
Love this chapter :) I really enjoy Tibbs' character and how she isn't very fond of James. I think it's a good friendship dynamic. I also am enjoying the pub scene. There is nothing like a pub scene in a fanfiction, I am convinced! Albus is a great character so far, I am looking forward to more of him and Hugo! Fabulous chapter!

Author's Response: I think I'm currently working on like my 5th pub scene in this fic. I can't avoid it. They're dudes in their mid-twenties - I can personally vouch for this, they don't do anything else!!

I do enjoy writing the James vs. Tibbs dynamic, though I am somewhat afraid for my safety if I don't end up shipping them together, which is what most of my readers seem to want. I think my head will be on a stick if James/Tibbs doesn't happen. Dilemma.

Thank you!

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #20, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: Dastardly Dishy Dexter

1st March 2011:
1. “Well…I’m not really into Quidditch, to be perfectly honest…”

Fail.
-HAHAHA. Dying laughing.

2. I know I’ve just completely screwed you, but I did it with kindness.
-HAHAHA. Seriously, this mess of people on this show work SO well together.

3. I remember when she’d first interviewed for her job with The Morning Waffle – I was one of the interviewers, and halfway through the damn thing I felt an inexplicable urge to fetch her coffee – that’s how commanding her presence was.
-Fantastic characterization. LOVE it.

4. “Well,” I began, “I was wondering, do you have any idea how I could go about making myself more attractive to women?”

“Yeah. Be somebody else.”
-Ahhh sisterly affection. There's nothing quite like it.

Ah, this was another fantastic chapter. I adore the characters. Like I have said before, and like I'm sure you know, James has a special place in my disfunctional heart. It seriously BREAKS my HEART every time he is sad about his dead Quidditch career. You have guts to write about it, considering he's my little baby and I could never have him go through that, hahaha.

ANYWAY, I love Fred. And all of them. I'm really excited to see what warrants the slash!

Fabulous!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you pointed out the line about the Hufflepuff look. I had a lot of fun in general writing all the 'Puff jokes. Good way to turn the normal House characterization on its head, I thought - NOT AS SWEET AND LOVELY AS THEY LOOK!

Roxy starts out like this and becomes progressively more like Satan's mistress throughout the fic. I don't know why, but the thought of her life just being one huge strop makes me crack up.

I have really ripped James to shreds about this Quidditch thing. I won't go into great detail explaining how I got the idea, because it'll be like 3 pages long, but I wanted to get away a little bit from the usual James II characterization, and do something that hasn't been done before (at least that I've seen) - so I made him down to earth, then destroyed his career and made him mopey. Yes, I am the devil. XD The back story is actually in a WIP short story I haven't worked on in months - needs heavy editing and then a couple more chapters, but I consider it somewhat of a companion fic to TMW.

Thank you again!

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #21, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: The Greater Weasley Family

1st March 2011:
Ah, favorite quote at the end of the chapter:
As soon as this sentiment entered my mind, I reached over and punched James in the arm as hard as I could.

“Arrgh! What the hell was that for?”

“To remind myself of my manliness.”
_
Fabulous chapter! Sometimes things can get a little jumbled with Weasley get-togethers. I am still pondering doing one. I think I just got an idea for one actually. All thanks to you! I really loved this chapter, especially Teddy/Victoire/Olivia. They are fantastic. Great chapter, can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I love doing Weasley get-togethers. So much lunacy. I agree, sometimes it's just a massive info dump, and I was trying to avoid that here. But I will never tire of writing them.

I figured with the ages of the characters I'm writing, it's about time for Teddy and Vic to have a kid. And there's just something about a youngish dude with his little kid that makes me squee and drool and go all sappy and nomnomnom. Young dads are the cutest thing ever. So Ted isn't, like, at all a projection of my fantasies or anything. XD

Thanks for another great review!

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #22, by MistressThe Morning Waffle: A Bit of Friendly Competition

1st March 2011:
Hi there! Alas, I have returned to catch up on the sheer AWESOMENESS that is The Morning Waffle. I'm glad to have some time! I haven't seen you around in ages and I miss you :) So here's what I think!

1. He also had no neck.
-I am such a sucker for one-liners as you know. This one made me almost snort. Impressive!

2. If it had anything to do with team-building, I was out of there. I’d heard about that kind of wonky stuff from my cousins who worked for the Ministry. There was no way I was going to do anything that required me to place my trust in Stan Bollingsworth.
-I HATE team-builders. I can totally relate to this, and laugh about it.

3. She stopped and gazed at us for a moment. Did she have a lazy eye?
-AND I'm laughing like an idiot. Fred is fabulous.

4. I therefore lived in constant fear that I’d pop over there one day to find them in the process of…well…let’s say making Hugo into a middle child.
-HAHAHA.

I adore the fact that they got painfully off topic, but the way you described it was amazing. Showing off things about each character's personality as you did so. Fantastic. I love the humor in each line, the way their personalities shine through their dialogue. And, as you know, James II always has a special place in my heart and you do him complete justice :)

Great chapter! 290384209834/10. Or more. Whatevs.

Author's Response: Gahhh, why are you so bleeping wonderful?? Your fics were some of the first that really drew me in to this site (2 years ago - why does that make me feel old...?) - so it's awesome to see you reviewing my stories ANYTIME. And I really need to reacquaint myself with yours and catch up! And I miss you too. :-)

I love it when reviewers point out favorite lines - because sometimes you get this great one-liner, and you throw it out there wondering if anybody is going to find it halfway as clever as you did in your own head. XD The #3 and 4 lines you pointed out here were some of my own favorites from this chapter (I just can't leave Ron and Hermione alone, even when the story has almost zero to do with them...)

Thank you so much!!

xoxo
Melanie


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Review #23, by MistressLying Josephine: Introduction: Boxes

17th November 2010:
I'm really interested in this and I think it has a lot of potential. I'll be following :) Great work.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I've actually seen your name floating around the forums because your stories are constantly being recommended so I'm really flattered to hear that such a highly praised author like you enjoyed this! Really, thank you so much for the review! :-D

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Review #24, by MistressClose to the Edge: The One With Al's Horrible Day

30th October 2010:
What a great chapter :) I really enjoyed it! I'm still curious about this Bree/Alex dealio. Also, I'm interested in Luxe. I like your introduction of her and how you showed she can be bad (with the retort to the prof) as well as told through other characters. Great job on that. Rose definitely interests me in this story. So does Lily.

Here are some of my thoughts/faves:

She’s a life ruiner. She lives to ruin lives. Especially mine.
-Love this.

I say and she shakes my hand. It’s soft and has lotion on it.
-This makes it sound like Al's hand is soft and has lotion lol.

“I’m a Potter, Rosie. We’re friendly people.”
-I can see him saying this with a cocky smirk. Love it.

I had my first girl friend in Second year, and she broke up with me because I didn’t talk to her. Cheese on you, Olivia Humphrey.
-Yeah, I changed a word in there. Had to. But anyway, I loved this. He thinks it so nonchalantly.

“Not trying to sound like a chick, but, I’m just looking out for you, mate.” I chuckle because he so sounds like a chick.
-Haha I love this section and love that you used it for your summary. The only problem I had is I thought that RIGHT at the end of this line you could have done the time-pass. You can cut the sentence after, plus the mini paragraph after and have it have a much bigger impact.

“Is that letter from James?” I ask her
-HAHA! This reminds me of many things Jane does actually. Jumps to conclusions. I am shocked that he was right. I'm really curious what's in that letter. And if it's from the actual James. What if they were secretly dating and that's why Bree was named Captain? Dun dun dunnn.

I pass Joey Redbird and his group of mates that have spiky hair and fancy air guitar. I ignore Joey’s frantic waving.
-This is one of those references that isn't too far. It's hilarious. The Power Puff reference might have been a little off-putting for some people.

Sucky grades that need to get over themselves and get higher so my Mum can stop freaking out.
-Love the grades needing to getover themselves.

Great chapter. Loved it :) I can't wait to read the next one! I hope your days are fabulous and school is nice...since you wouldn't trade me and I'm at work, haha.

Great work! 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Actually, were going to find out a lot about the whole Bree/Alexandra dilemma next chapter.. so all your guesses will be answered(:
I think Rose and Lily are one of my favorite characters that Al interacts with a lot... I have so much planned for the both of them and I love how close the both of them are :D

Thanks, again (:


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Review #25, by MistressJourney: Departure

14th September 2010:
Hey there! I thought I would stop by and check out your lovely story! first of all, I am so excited that you wrote a fic! So many people want to, but don't, and you're awesome :)

There are lots of things I wanna say so let me organize all my thoughts. First of all, I love the idea behind the story. The summary is also really engaging. I surfed through a lot on the site and I don't read a terrible amount on here, but yours really interested me! I love the idea that her and Albus had a thing before and I'm so eager to learn more about it! Can't wait for that.

I think there are a few things that can be worked on, but that's the same with every story, isn't it? The introduction of the characters was really overwhelming for the size of the chapter. What I mean to say is that the only characters I really remembered by the time I finished the chapter are Jordan, Rose, Albus, a little bit of Dom, and James. They all had an impact and in the future just know that you don't have to go through the entire Weasley clan in the first chapter. You can throw them in as they are mentioned in the story, or needed. I also think I wanted to hear a little more about Jordan's home life. I'm sure that'll come later, but I wish there was a little more description of her mummy dearest. I need a grip on that to better figure out her character.

I really like how random Jordan's inner monologues are. They crack me up. I think you should pair them with more external details. What you have now is so good, I just want some more so the story isn't flying so fast. Right now with the internal ramblies and the quick-moving dialogue the story's pace is way too fast to enjoy it properly. Just something to think about :)

I'm a big fan of the relationship you have already built between Scorp and Jordan. It's snarky and I love it. Can't wait to read more of that!

My FAVORITE part was: Enter James Potter. He was there for a couple paragraphs and melted my heart. What a great portrayal! And he's funny too! Great writing!

I look forward to more about the individual characters. This seemed like an overview, and a good one it was, though I'm eager to learn more. Can't wait for the next chapter! Well done!

xoxo Mistress

Author's Response: hahah okay, so let me start off by thanking you for the awesome review! :)
yeah, the whole thing with all of the characters kind of bugged me whenever i went back and reread it, but i decided just to leave it in anyways. see, what happens is that when i get an idea in my head, i just want to write it down so i dont forget it, but then it just kind of comes out in a huge blob of a story, so its rather difficult to not just spill everything at one time. and yes, her whole background will be 'revealed', for lack of a better word i suppose, in a later chapter. :O heheh. hmmm...lets see, oh...yeah, i worried about her inner monologues when i was writing them, so i hope they arent confusing, minus the fact that i tend to leave out external happenings and such...ill try to work on that for the future :)
hahah i love the word snarky. Its awesome. bahaha.
AND I LOVE JAMES. he is honestly like my hero in practically ever story.
In the second chapter it focuses mainly on just Jordan, Roxy, Louis, and Scorpius and i quite like it, so hopefully you'll be able to get a better view on most of the main characters in that! :)
Thanks again so so so SO much for reviewing and i hope you like the next bit too! :D


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