Reading Reviews From Member: SilentConfession
  
325 Reviews Found

Review #26, by SilentConfessionFlight of the Heart: Boys Will Be Boys

15th October 2013:
Hey Jami!!

This is lovely. I love how you've written Mia and Aidan together. They seem so natural as mother/son and it's really neat to see them together. It's too cute. Aidan is the perfect little boy and so keen on learning and reading. It's adorable and i can hardly handle it. He reminds me of one of the students in a class I TA for. You've got that part written perfectly. So many tiny details that perfect like packing his rucksack or falling asleep as he's reading.

I really like Mia and how she deals with her own dreams and that of her sons. It's clear how much she loves her son that she's willing to put aside the things she loves in order to give him roots and a life. It's really great to read a single mum story where these issues are actually being dealt with.

I also really liked the Oliver portion of it and thought that he seems like the Oliver we know from the books. I think it's lovely too that he's coach, I think he probably suits that role better than a player even in the way you've written him. He's still hard, but secretly really pleased over all the teams successes. It was really sweet to watch his sister come as well and it gives us an idea of where the rest of the story is going as i'm thinking the interview is going to be at the sisters shop. It will make their futures intertwine in a realistic way.

Keep up the great writing. I have absolutely nothing bad to say about this. It's really a well put together chapter and the writing is very easy to read and it flows quite well. :) Sorry for taking ages with these reviews!

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Review #27, by SilentConfessionMemoirs of an Object: Little Girl Lost

13th October 2013:
Amanda, I can't say sorry enough for how long this review has taken. I'm mortified that it has taken so long. It has truly been a mental few weeks for me and although i read this a bit ago I never had the time to sit down and give it a proper review.

What I really liked about this is how human Lily is. Lily can be a really hard character to get and I'm constantly plagued by these perfect little Lily's who seem full of butterflies and daisies. That never really sits well in my mind for some reason. But she's so different in this. So much more than that and I really can feel her as a realistic character that's actually relatable.

One of my favourite scenes to read was when she was looking at all these pastel covered things, the camels and the toys. It all seemed so joyful and pretty and innocent. Lily seemed really out of place there, like a really big dark spot. It was just her connection to the wizarding war and how that is anything but innocent and yet she finds herself here and it's a really weird juxtaposition that my mind really liked.

I really appreciated the darker undertones to this as well. It wasn't overdone by any means, but there is a general sense that she's fully realised the position she's in. Her thoughts on the fact that she was married at 18 and pregnant at 19 really summed the tone of this whole one-shot up. It captures their melancholy in a way i don't think anything else could. It is like life is happening to her so fast and yet she hasn't quite figured out what it all means and what her emotions of the whole thing really is. We just see her unhappy. Conflicted about her emotions both on the baby, her husband and his suffocation and an old childhood friend. This is all twisted together in a really beautiful way.

I like how run down Lily seems. How exhausted she is of being love and showing love and trying to deal with the shadows in the world. She seems like she's had too much and this baby is just one more thing that she's almost sure she cannot handle its demanding cries for attention. I also have this impression that she's felt imprisoned for a long while and having a child isn't going to set her free. She just feels like it's one more thing that will control her life. I like how you've presented that.

I like this whole thing actually. I don't think i have one CC to give as I loved how you've conceptualized this. How Lily's gone back to her roots and throughout the whole thing she cannot stop thinking about the times she had before her life was poisoned by walls and magic and the complexities of human love and emotion. It is truly a stunning piece of work.

Author's Response: And now it's my turn to apologize profusely for how long my response has taken. Urgh!

I agree; so often Lily is portrayed as this fluffy little package of perfection that is continually stalked by James's doe-eyed stare (see what I did there?). I had one reviewer on Post Scriptum who postulated that my Lily was too good and sweet and that as a result she became a flat character. That critique--which I think was quite founded--was part of my inspiration in attempting this piece. I loved the idea of Lily taking herself back from legions of shipper arguments and blogger drawings.

But yeah, I really thought it would be hard to go from this fairytale romance and ostensibly simple life to being suddenly thrust into a war and a marriage and now motherhood at such a young and naive age. And I think Lily would be too smart just to eat it all up and force herself to accept it. I think she would resist and fight the things that were happening to her, not just the obvious example of Voldemort but even the smaller issues that plague her here. In fact, they wouldn't even be considered small problems if not overshadowed by a war. Poor Lily hasn't done anything to deserve her circumstances, but she feels trapped in them all the same, and I wanted to give her her own way of coping with this realization.

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for your lovely review :)

-Amanda


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Review #28, by SilentConfessionThe Network: Rat

7th October 2013:
This is such a unique story!! I love minor characters and the fact that you've chosen Marietta is brilliant!! There is so much history here and I love how you've handled it. The makeup was especially clever. At first I paid it no mind, just thought it was a girl who liked the stuff. But then as the story went on and there was such a strong focus on her make up coming off and you kept mentioning it I knew it was important and remembered that she had her face written on by Hermione (go Hermione, way to inflict a life of pain.) But I loved the slow realization of this, how much she tried to hide it. I felt like that really related to how she hides herself too. She doesn't seem to really know herself, her side, or how she is perceived. She just seems to be be hiding herself whether it is out of shame or fear I don't know.

This makes me really interested to know where this story is going and how she'll come to decision. It seems that most people distrust her and even fear her. Probably because of her mother's relationship with Umbridge how and high standing her mother is. This trickles down to Marietta and people paint her with the same brush. Not saying she isn't like that because she seems a bit of sneak and undecided about everything. I can easily see her going both ways with the war and i'm curious to know where you're going to take her. She seems to like the fear Reg has for her (i wanted to give poor Reg a huge hug in this chapter, poor bloke!) which isn't a good sign really of her ethics and morality.

This is really well done work Teh! I'm super excited to see where you are going with this! (also stoked that you're writing a longer fic so i can enjoy your brilliant writing even more!)

zayne

Author's Response: Zayne! ♥

What a completely unexpected and very lovely review! Thank you so, so much; this has just made my day! :D I'm glad that you were interested enough to click on the link and read it.

Well, you know me; I love my minor characters. :P I'd been wanting to write Marietta for a long time now, and I actually started this fic aaages ago. And you're spot on with your comment about how much history and baggage Marietta carries with her: her acne, for which she requires daily treatment, her reputation for disloyalty, and her mother's affiliation with such a despicable group in the Ministry. Not to mention that she's a fairly young school-leaver landing her first big job at the Ministry (kinda like Percy Weasley, who also sort of betrayed his own people - hmmm, maybe I could get him and Marietta together...baha!).

And yeah, I'm so glad you noticed that she seems to revel in Reg's discomfort! My intention with this is that she herself feels so insecure and out-of-place and alone with her boring job that she enjoys what little power she has over others; well, yeah, that's kinda trivial and not very nice, but I never got the impression that Marietta was a particularly nice character in the books!

Thank you so, so much for this brilliant review, Zayne! ♥ This story's already finished - just have to edit the next two chapters and I'll put them up. :) And I hope you'll continue to enjoy! Thanks again! *hugs*

teh



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Review #29, by SilentConfessionCrossing Jordan: Bloodlines: Welcome to Day One

28th September 2013:
Hi,

You know what i'm really shocked at?? How few reviews this piece has gotten. I mean, it's so different and unique that i'd have thought people would flock to this idea like flies. There are so many different twists and turns to this that I had to keep reading to try and figure things out. I still don't have a thing figured out, but i'm absolutely enthralled by the plot. I wish more people could read this just to see the creativity that is bouncing out of your mind. I think my favourite bit is just how much i don't know and how much i just can't figure out. It keeps me guessing and wanting more. Yet, there isn't so much of this that i'm feeling confused or annoyed that i have no information because you give enough that is satisfying and yet introduce more. I feel like a cat whose owner is dangling a little string in front of me. I get it some but then it always gets pulled out of my grasp.

I really like Lena too. I like her rashness and her cold attitude. She's charming in her own way and so pigheaded but she's like Lee that way. So over the top (just in different ways). I like how you've chosen Lee's daughter to create this. I also hated it because you've effectively killed one of my favourite characters before the story began. However, i like how the trauma in her life has created her into this and how she pushes people away. What i would like to see more of though or at least some sort of mention is that you talked about her scars... was this metaphorical scars or literal scars from that curse? If it's literal scars it would be great to see how that's affected her now and growing up? Does she embrace them? Hide them? That tells a lot about a person.

While your writing is very clear and easy to read and follow i did find myself wanting more description. I suppose it would give a little more context and make a person feel like they are in the story even more. You've generally done a really great job but if there was one thing that would have made me love this more was just more description. I want to see it.

Another thing i'm wondering about is Umbridge. She was such a massive part of the second war that i doubt she'd ever climb the Ministry ladder again. I don't think anyone would let hrt and, frankly, I was shocked to see her not in prison. I'm wondering if this will be explained more in later chapters or if you will expand on that at all as i'm really curious to know the history of that. It takes a great leap fr me to believe she'd have gotten off free.

Honestly though, i really enjoyed reading this piece and it's so original with so many different thoughts in it that have made me fall in love with it. It's just creative and different and you don't always get that in ff all the time. I feel like this is really branching off into something completely unknown to hpff so lovely job with this! Can't wait to read more :)

Author's Response: wow! this has just made me day, you have no idea! thank you very much for your wonderful review, and i'm so glad you like it that much. it became a little worrying and discouraging that no one seemed to respond to this story i was beginning to wonder if i was doing something wrong. there are so many unanswered questions and they will be answered in the coming chapters. i'm glad you like lena too. as for umbridge, hers is one story arc that is also instrumental to the story, i can't say much without spoiling it, but i'll explain how she's where she is now.
anyway, thank you so much :)


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Review #30, by SilentConfessionLate Nights: Fifth Year: 1976

5th September 2013:
Hey! I'm finally here for your first review! I had this plan that they'd all be done by September but hey ho, life gets busy. I am sorry for the long wait though. I haven't forgotten.

I commend you on choosing such a charged moment to start your story. I think this moment would have meant so much in their relationship and I like how you've chosen this path for them to go down. In a sense we can tell that James and Lily are friends already of a sort. If they weren't she wouldn't have forgiven as easily and the chemistry between them is undeniable. There is a charge between them that can be read into their actions, especially Lily's, that can only be seen as they weren't enemies before. I think that's an interesting and refreshing look into their relationship. I've read so many interpretations of lily/james and it's always nice to come across one that seems to set out in a direction that is different than a lot of them out there. But the mere fact that they don't seem to be bitter enemies is something that makes this unique already.

I like how you've made Lily seem really human here so far. I mean, it's far too early to tell too much about their characterization, but her dialogue seems to really establish her as a confused teenager. She seems young, her wording, the way she talks about becoming an auror. It all seems like she doesn't quite understand the war yet and it hasn't affected her very much at this point.

It was interesting to see James here too. You've humanized him as well. A teen who really has no idea what he wants from life but doesn't really care at the moment. I think it's really great that it's Lily who wants to be an auror and not him. It is refreshing to see that change and to see this more carefree aura come from James. I can imagine him being that way where he just accepts life in the present where Lily feels like she needs to plan.

I think it was great too that Lily wasn't good at every subject and that she needed help. Obviously with that interaction we can tell a lot about the characters. That Lily doesn't ever ask for help and refuses to admit a weakness. She's almost rather hide her inadequacy rather than show it otherwise she would've asked for help before now. The whole using the animagi as a point of misunderstanding is a bit overused however. I don't know why i'm picky about that, but it seems to come in nearly every one i read that everyone goes to the Marauders on help with that specific thing. If they were really trying to keep their secret they'd probably even pretend they don't understand it themselves. Just to keep their and Remus' secret better and not give anything away. But anyway, it's a small thing.

I would've liked to see more description. I felt like there were times i wanted to know more about the scene. More about what they were doing or smelling. It was very dialogue heavy and although that can tell us a lot about the character there were times i wanted to know about the world you were constructing around them so i could be pulled into it with them.

Overall this is an interesting start and i'm really pleased I was able to read it. I am excited to read a few more chapters of this to see where you are taking this. Lily/James is one of my favourite pairings :)

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for taking so long to get back to you! It's frustrating not being able to respond on your phone!

Thank you so much! I'm not going to lie, I actually LOVED that scene! Even though James was a naughty little bugger, I liked that it showed people CAN change (for better or for worse) so I've always wanted to experiment with that scene.

I know when I was 15/16, I was so confused about EVERYTHING (I still am, really :p) so I did try to channel that out. It's the age when people really start shaping themselves so they're so confused ALL THE TIME. :p

Girls at 15 and boys at 15 are a LOT different. The boys hardly ever have plans (at least the ones that I know) whereas girls are always thinking of their future. So I'm glad it came across, haha!

It is a bit of a cliche, I do admit. But I loved writing it, hehe. If I ever write another James/Lily story (which I'm sure I will because I absolutely love the pairing), I'll make sure not to include that! Thanks for the tips!

I see what you're talking about! I remember trying to make it more descriptive but I see that that didn't work out! I'll try to work on it in the future, thank you for pointing that out!

Thank you so much for this lovely review, it really means a lot that you took time to review it! :)

- Kayla. :)


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Review #31, by SilentConfessionThe Fallen: The Fallen

22nd August 2013:
Hi! I'm finally here for one of those promised reviews!

This is absolutely stunning. I'm out of words for it but there is so much grief in this piece that I can't find the words to describe my reaction! I've never read a story about the funeral of James and Lily. Nor Remus' reaction to it. There either isn't many out there or i've been living under a rock. Whatever the case though I loved the angle of this. These intense emotions that run through Remus are very vivd and poignant. It was the perfect scene to trigger his introspection. I also liked the abstraction of this and the way Remus goes through the motions of the funeral together with everyone. It really highlighted his need for community and acceptance. And also his loneliness and how he had no one now.

One of the things that I thought of while reading this, especially the bit about Harry was that this gave an even stronger reason for him to have run after Harry in the last book. He as sick of being an observer, perhaps, but he was also trying to protect and save the last bit of Lily and James. He wanted that flame to live on as well. It must have been had though because he kept losing everything he loved and knew.

This is such a heart wrenching piece. There are some really lovely details you've included that made this seem realistic. Writing his guilt, the idea of people being innocent or not, of him hiding and being thought of a traitor really brought me into the story to begin with and it gives a view of how uncertain life was then. How uncertain allegiances were. The way his his guilt was brought in quite a few times throughout the story was brilliant and how he was constantly second guessing himself. It would be hard when he was always defined by his friends and now he has to wade into the unknown alone.

You've written a brilliant piece that I think has captured this moment for Remus perfectly. You have a great balance of angst and description. I felt the story a lot but I also felt like I was there and could experience this moment clearly. I know how hard it is to find that balance but you've nailed it with this. Lovely job!!

Author's Response: Wow, I can't really find words to respond to this amazing review either! I've never one about it either, so I thought it would be great way to combat the not so nice part of the end of school feel! I'm so glad that you liked his thoughts because I found myself thinking like him when writing this. I'm really glad that you picked up on his loneliness as I never realised how hard it must have been for him until writing this.

I'm glad that you liked the way it tied into the book. I always found their relationship a rather odd one in way with Remus never looking for him so it was nice to come up with a reason here. I'm just so glad you got exactly what I meant to write!

Yay they were realistic! I've fortunately never really had to experience grief so it was a bit of touch and go as to whether they made sense or not. I think his guilt over their deaths would never fade and that really saddens me. He's just one of those people who could never really see it wasn't his fault.

Thank you for these wonderful compliments, they really did make my day! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it so much! ♥


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Review #32, by SilentConfessionFlight of the Heart: A Chance Meeting

13th August 2013:
Hey Jami!

Lovely first chapter. I really loved how you constructed this and introduced us to Oliver. I really like your Oliver. I don't read many of him actually and I like how right off I already feel like I know him a little and can understand him as well. You really did well with seamlessly weaving in some of his backstory into this so that we get a sense of him but not making it so over the top that I get bored and start to wonder why you're giving me all the information now. I loved that. I liked also how you've added bits about the war and how it affected Oliver and how he's grown from it. The image of Colin was especially gripping for me.

I like how this is an older version of Oliver. Really, an older version of everyone. Not many stories deal with this era and it really sticks out to me that you can really just pave the way and create something here that's new and exciting. I like the way you've described things here as well. There is a very subtle touch here but it paints a really lovely picture and I really do feel into the story like i'm in this small, dark cafe as well with knitting older woman. It makes me laugh a little thought to imagine Oliver coming here to do his Quidditch planning. He seems almost out of place but it would be a good place to hide from fans.

I'm curious about Mia and how closed she seemed. You had a lot of really nice touches of showing us exactly what she was feeling and how she was responding to Oliver. A lot of authors can have trouble with that but I think you did a great job with not just telling us what's she's doing but really putting that emotion behind it. I really can't wait to see her character development and I think there are really exciting things in store for her.

Aiden is cute. I don't think anyone would argue with that. He's bubbly and outgoing and a little outrageous but I really like him. He's also different too because he's more interested in the people behind the scenes which is really different for kids. He's really sweet and i'm curious to know what role he plays in the coming chapters. I'm guess a lot and that may be how Oliver steals his way into Mia's life.

I don't think i have anything else to say! I did enjoy this though, it was sweet and lovely but I loved how you mixed the backstory in and some of the pain involved there but also added this element of hope and light. I know I have troubles with that and I like how you've shown all these characters moving on from the war. Really lovely job Jami, I'm glad I was able to read this! :)

Author's Response: Hi darling!! I'm so sorry this response has taken so long! I'm on vacation right now visiting family, and really trying to focus on spending time with them and not let my HPFF obsession control all :P

I'm so excited that you like my Oliver! I haven't read much about him, and so I sort of had a blank canvas with no previous head canons interfering. I really love this adult age, as well, and wanted so much to do a story about a single mom. But I'm not crazy about writing next gen, and didn't want to go that far into the future, so yeah. Adult Oliver era just fit :P!

Awww your compliments about using small touches to show what Mia's feeling instead of telling are putting such a huge smile on my face! I'm so excited to see what you think of the chapters that deal with more of her!

Aidan will definitely play a huge part in the whole story. He and Mia came first, and I Mia won't be a person to ever let someone try and use her kid to win her over, so her wondering if Oliver's trying to do that might cause some issues.

I'm so excited you liked this first chapter, m'dear!!! I'm so behind on everything HPFF, but I can't wait to get over to review the new chapter(s?) of ATG! Thank you SO MUCH for stopping by to review, it's put such a huge smile on my face!!!

♥ Jami


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Review #33, by SilentConfessionOf Dragons and Daring: Welcome to Romania

24th July 2013:
Hey Amanda! I'm here for the TGS review swap!

I really enjoyed this story and love that you made it about dragons and Charlie's work! There is so few stories about Charlie that when I get to read him i'm always so excited. He's such an excellent character. I like some of the things you introduced about him as well. The way he talked about the dragons or the eggs just made him seem like he was in love with his job and lived for it. It was a great detail to include.

I like that this was a Luna/Rolf. I've always liked them as a pair and it's really great that you've had them get introduced this way. It works with their personalities and their histories (at least, Luna's). She's an odd ball and I can see her getting very interested in naturalism and herbs, plants. Even her desire to get into Carnivorous plants added to her characterization. Can't imagine too many people being massively into that to be honest.

The details you include here about the magical world make it seem broader and wilder. I suppose I don't read enough ff where jobs about research or wild creatures enough but this story made it seem like the options after Hogwarts were limitless rather than being stuck to Ministry work.

You interpretation of Luna is interesting. She seemed quiet normal and less loony. I realize this can be explained away as she is older, she's gone through a war which is bound to change someone, and it's told from her perspective so perhaps she doesn't realize how she comes off to the world. However it did make me feel like I was reading a different character at times and it might have helped to ground her in canon if there were even a small mention of some of her outward quirks. Like how she reacts to things, her body movements, or conversation. Generally though she is believable and I wouldn't say i'm turned off by her characterization at all. There were a few things that helped me see her like her odd though of a good singing voice and her interest in plants. It helped me to connect with her anyway :) .

I really enjoyed reading this though! It's a great story and i loved reading all about the dragons!! Great job Amanda!

Author's Response: Hey Zayne, thanks for coming by! Just so you know, I am going to try to get over to your story in the next few days. I'm excited to read a Peter story--been really interested in Peter lately, actually--and just haven't found the time.

I agree that Charlie is an intriguing character and I was surprised to find how much I enjoyed writing him. (Weasleys are something else that has been quite trendy for my muse lately.) It was my first try, so I'm happy to hear that you felt like his personality was right and that you enjoyed getting to observe him in his "natural environment."

It's great to hear that you liked seeing Luna and Rolf here, too. They're another part of canon that I feel like is mostly unexplored but is also really very interesting. I've always got research on the brain as a grad student and so thinking about this part of their lives was easy for me--and it was fun to put a magical spin on it! I agree that Luna didn't feel quite quirky enough, and I think that'll be one of my main foci if I decide to continue this into a longer work (which it feels very much like I might someday). I am pleased that you picked up on some of the more subtle quirks I included.

I think you're definitely right about fanfiction not covering many professions after Hogwarts. I've written a couple of stories now that focus on the working world and I find the possibilities absolutely limitless, and also fun to envision.

Thanks again for your wonderful review :)

-Amanda


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Review #34, by SilentConfessionIf Wishes Were Fishes: One Little Word

18th July 2013:
Wow. Loved this moment in the story. The harrowing idea that the person you thought you knew wasn't who you imagined them to be. That kind of thing cannot be easy for anyone. Seriously it's like everything she knew about a person was completely snatched away from her. Her base for reality and the base she has for knowing about the magical world. Severus really was this rock for her and now that rock has been smashed. How would that make a person react psychologically? I don't know but it seems like having her completely lose it would be a fairly decent reaction to have. To make the banter between her and james escalate into something grotesque.

I'm curious to know what happens now. How will their life look, how it changes and if she will forgive Severus at all or is this actually the break. You've really handled this moment well and it's mega believable. You handled it with care and with sensitivity. I liked how i could really feel her world coming apart around her. Loved that. Really well done!!

Author's Response: Ugh yeah this chapter was actually hugely difficult to write. Because of the restrictions for quoting the book, I couldn't put in as much as I wanted and that was frustrating and limiting but I'm glad you liked it anyways!

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Review #35, by SilentConfessionIf Wishes Were Fishes: Someone Else's Girfriend

18th July 2013:
Cool chapter. I can definitely this as fuel to make the relationship between Severus and Lily fall apart. First we see that Severus already doesn't want people to see her with him and it embarrasses him in a way but he really wants to be around her still. He's just so worried about his reputation but it wouldn't, at this point, stop his infatuation with Lily. I can see something like the other man that would make him colder and throw cation to the wind. Even enough to call her a mudblood. It was fueled by anger and jealousy and this is a perfect lead up to that moment. It just seems so perfect to be honest. I've always thought about what would cause Severus to say that and I like that you've introduced a few things already in this chapter that's going to drive them apart. His friends, how he already stands up for them, and this new relationship she has with Alex.

Your characterization of Lily is great. Honestly. So far it's really interesting. She seems like a regular girl who focuses a little much on school but you can tell that perhaps she's not perfect in her studies as she has some trouble with the spells. It's refreshing to read this because she's usually just so perfect at everything in most stories with her.

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. The growing tensions in this chapter, the dynamic between Lily and James which seems almost playful rather than hate. Another really cool thing about this is pairing someone with Lily and even pairing someone with James. Most people can't even imagine them being anyone but each other but to be honest they were teens full of raging hormones and they probably had boyfriends before one another. Lovely chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks! Honestly though, they were both 16 and I don't think it's realistic to think they didn't at least go on dates to Hogsmeade with other people, you know? So I'm glad you like that!

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Review #36, by SilentConfessionIf Wishes Were Fishes: Only Sixteen Once

16th July 2013:
Ah! Another great chapter! I love the dynamics in this story. I've always been wary of the love/hate relationship between James and Lily but I think you've really hit a good spot with them. It's not over the top but there is a certain aspect of banter between them that is really great to read. It's snappy on Lily's part a little and James just enjoys getting under his skin. I think you really captured his arrogance well here though without making it really annoying. I mean, it is a little annoying but he stays in character and part of me just wants to laugh at him.

I also like the brief moment we saw Sirius. He seemed quite in character. Funny, a little darkly funny and he seems vibrant, larger than life. I love that because he is a big character himself and i like how you've tapped into that.

Lily also seems really awesome in this chapter. She's different too. The whole socially stunted comments and her reclusiveness. It's different then most other stories were she's perfect and everyone loves her. I like that she seems more human. Actually desperate to see a less than perfect version of her.

Really great job on this chapter!

Author's Response: aw thank you so much! One of the things I'm always really thinking about when writing is making sure the characters are themselves, you know? Not over the top, just human. I'm so glad you think they are! Thanks :)

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Review #37, by SilentConfessionIf Wishes Were Fishes: Prologue

16th July 2013:
Hey! I've been wanting to read this story for ages and now I've decided it's just about time to get it done. This beginning of this is incredible and really intriguing. I just want to know what James did, what the heck this list was and why Lily is hanging out with the Marauders. It sets this story apart from all the other Marauder stories already.

There is also this crazy sense of urgency here that makes me want to read on. They are running from the people who've found out about their party and there is so much adrenaline that is pumping through my blood to see what's going to happen next and if they'll get away! I love the suspense i'm in at the moment and you've done such a brilliant job at describing things. I have such a vivid picture in my head of what's happening and it really puts me in the mood for reading this story.

Awesome first chapter, can't wait to read the rest of it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm always worried my prologues won't make any sense to those who don't know what transpired to get the characters to that point, but I'm so glad the urgency and adrenaline comes off and makes you want to read more! Cheers and happy reading!

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Review #38, by SilentConfessionThe Psychology of Gobstones: His Worst Mistake

16th July 2013:
Hey! I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get to this review! I've just been busy with RL stuff and the HC!

No romance? This will be interesting, for sure. You definitely emphasize that this will not be a romance story and focus a lot on how everyone is just not interested in it. It actually makes this story very ridiculous. Not in a bad way, just, it adds to the hilarity is what i'm trying to get at. The fact that there is a massive barrier between sexes and between romance. It's very dramatic but It helps the story along definitely.

The flow of this chapter seems to be okay. There is some choppiness to it because there were times I wished that i could see the characters doing things and have them come alive a little more in certain parts. Something that may help is just to add a little extra description about what they're doing, what their arm movements are like, facial expressions. What do they smell? Things like that help us envision the scene a bit more and I think that's the only thing that made the story a little less flow-y if you know what I mean.

Character wise. I think you generally did a good job. You seem to have a grasp on your characters well and they come across strong in this first chapter. I liked how Lorcan was talking about how his brother doesn't understand intellectual pursuits and yet it's Lysander who's basing a lot of stuff on theories/ideas on some psychologist (who i refuse to name because I don't think his ideas were A+). They are likable and endearing in their own outrageous sort of way. I wanted to smack Lysander a few times but I did enjoy reading him. I wonder why he's so 'fixated' on psychology and Freud. Hope you develop that in chapters to come. I like he flamboyance though and his ability to just say whatever comes to mind. It's a good quality to have. Lorcan is equally as well developed so far. I liked his terror and how he says he's not brave and doesn't ever want to save damsels in distress. You play with that characterization well and I've begun to like him a lot.

The balance between dialogue and description is good. I'm someone who always loves description and i lean towards that a lot. However, I think you have it balanced quite well and the only thing i'd mention is that when there is dialogue don't forget to add some telling details of what your characters are doing. Where they are sitting or what the room looks like or if it's changing as they talk. it just adds a little more depth to those moments and can give us a clear and vivid picture of your scene.

This was a delightful and easy read and if you aim is for a slightly ridiculous plot that seems to take things less seriously then i think you've hit something special. It seems a little overdone in some places, but in a way the comedic release that you get from that is spot on. So it really depends on your goals are for this story. This is a first chapter so no one can expect fully developed characters or plot and if you're aiming at developing them more just make sure that they are multisided individuals. Really, this is a great beginning, feel free to re-request if you found this review helpful :)
-zayne

Author's Response: Hello!

Okay, I have been SUCH a bad person for the past gazillion months because I didn't answer this review for the LONGEST time, but here I am, finally responding. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to finally stop being lazy/busy, if you like to read author responses. Please forgive me!

Balancing dialogue and description is something that I have trouble with, especially when the characters are conversing and I'm supposed to describe what they're doing and what's going on around them. I just can't get a handle on it! Maybe in the future, when I finally edit this story, I will look over the dialogue portions and see what I can do to make things come to life a bit more. Thank you for the suggestion!

I am so glad that you thought that my characterization of the boys was good! Yes, I also disagree with Freud (he was kind of a jerk, but he contributed to psychology, so yay for him, I suppose), but it was fun throwing in all of the references. I wrote this story at a time when I was studying intensely for my psychology exam, so it kind of transferred over to my writing. :)

Yes, my aim was for absolute ridiculousness, and as a result, the characters don't have a lot of good background. Why does Lysander like Freud so much? Probably because the silly girl who wrote him was steeped in psychology at the time. I can definitely try to work on that, though.

Thanks so much for your review, and again, I am SO sorry that I was rude and didn't respond for a LONG time. :P

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #39, by SilentConfessionThe Joker and Her: Holding On, Letting Go

16th July 2013:
Hey! So sorry how ghastly long this has taken. I was getting ready to review it days ago but then the review challenge happened in the HC and I got distracted again. Anyway, i'm here now!

Does this work as a final chapter? Absolutely. It ties a lot of things together and there is a note of finality and closure to this chapter that is just lovely. Obviously all my questions aren't answered but there are other stories (and an epilogue) that are sure to address the mysteries that still surround Brienne.

What I also liked was the fact that you brought up some of the questions and tensions here in this chapter so that we don't forget about what's going on. There is still that underlying question about her mother. What/who killed her? Why is there suddenly a necklace about that no one knows who sent? It makes me wonder about the possible answers and keeps me interested in what's still in store.

The necklace was a nice touch and it shows a lot about Brienne actually. How much she's grown in this story to actually be able to rely on her friends for support rather than to internalize everything. That's a huge step. She also seems more able to handle things as well. Stronger. Which i'm assuming she will need. I'm a little shocked that she'd wear the necklace. Especially after everything that has happened this year for her, it seemed a little foolish and reckless if she knows someone is out to kill her. Anyway perhaps she wasn't thinking or too caught up in the emotion. (on that note, it was during that part of the chapter that I felt you could have have delved into her emotions a little more. You're usually so good at getting those across but that moment felt a little staler than usual. Not bad, just I felt like it could have gone deeper. Perhaps showing us what she's feeling. How is she acting? What are her facial expressions, hand movements etc). Anyway i'm curious about who sent this and I have this forebodence about it already. I just can't imagine it getting 'lost' for a year. I don't think that owl post is that unreliable to be honest and perhaps the killer made the mother write the name before he killed her and he's (or she i suppose) was just waiting for the opportune moment to send it. Whether it was cursed or not is another question. I'm sure some deep curses that are well done could be activated by something else than the skin (like... when he saw her it would be easier to kill her because another spell would activate the necklace and he wouldn't have to be open about the murder) or could avoid detection. Or maybe it's just a scare tactic or an emotional bomb! Anyway, i'm clearly intrigued by this necklace! I just want to know what part, if any, it plays in the plot!

The flow was lovely. You did an excellent job at getting through these moments smoothly and made each moment count. Whether she was mourning her mum (i really liked the line she told Angelina about how this would always be the day her mum died. It was really moving and showed what her state of mind was) or going through exams. With that I think you expressed Brienne's state of mind quite well with the anniversary. We really got where she was and how it affects her emotionally. It was brilliant. The only thing i can suggest is perhaps make it a more show. Sometimes she gets all internalized which is great and very Brienne but sometimes i just wished that there were some outward signs of what was going on so i can have a clearer picture of these moments in my head.

This really is a great chapter. I wish i could comment on more but i feel like this review is turning into an essay. However it's a good final chapter though it still raises questions (like Paul!) it does give some closure. I loved the final moment between her and George! FINALLY! They slightly get over their awkward bumbling selves and get through to each other! Great job!

Author's Response: Hi!

Oh, I'm so glad you liked it! Haha, don't worry about having a long review, I love reviews of all kinds or lengths xD

I'm glad you liked the introduction of the necklace. I know there are a lot of possible explanations and answers to where it came from, and I'm hoping everyone reading finds that a good mystery :) Thank you!

About that, I will definetely go through and put more detail in as to her emotions in that part :) Thank you for letting me know about that!

Ooh, I wonder if you like Paul? And yay, Grienne xD Thank you so much for your wonderful review!


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Review #40, by SilentConfessionThe Final Journey: The Final Journey

13th July 2013:
I love the images that this story brings to mind. The fog, the marshes, the bright flying phoenix flying above the earth like a shooting star. Those are the kind of images that make a person get into the story. It sets the stage and it brings the reader right into the story. Which is great because as strange as a narrator as Fawkes was those things helped ground the story and helped us see life through his eyes.

This was a beautifully woven tale with a lot of emotion. I liked how he flew over some of the most defining moments of Albus' life and showed how Albus grew as a person and how they grew together. The theme also of rebirth was really strong here. How everything changes, eventually it changes for good.

This is just such a unique tale! I can't get over the idea that you chose to write with the eyes of Fawkes! Absolutely amazing choice and i'm just shocked at how emotional I feel over this fictional bird. Really stunning work. I think my favourite bit was the end and how he burst into flames and fell into the ocean. It left a really powerful vision in my head of how nothing ends forever and once again good will rise up again.

Really lovely work here! I'm really happy I was able to read this!

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you so much for this lovely review! I really enjoyed it and I'm so happy that you liked the story. I wasn't too sure of it until I read the reviews and it's received really positive feedback. I love details so I'm glad those came through. And I'm really happy you liked the "rebirth" element of this. That was important for me. That final scene with Fawkes dropping into the ocean was the only one that I was really positive I loved. So I'm glad you liked it too! Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #41, by SilentConfessionDeception: Deception

13th July 2013:
Hey! This is fantastic! i've always been interested in this part of the Harry Potter world were Gilderoy was able to so flawlessly steal other people's stories and use them as his own. I've always wondered at how he came to be that sort of man willing to steal other people's memories and their lives. You've managed to create a piece of that here which is really cool. He seems quite dark in your story. The way he craves the power and doesn't see it as being wrong. He's making the tale famous and to him that is the more important than the person behind the tale. It's sad though, how he realizes how important a memory is and how it is the core of a person and yet he just waltz's in and takes what's theirs. Basically stripping the person of their humanity with no remorse. I know this is a little thing but his ability to do it on something as innocent as a rabbit shows where his mind is and how little he thinks of what his spell does to people.

You know, a lot of people see Gilderoy as a bit of a vain, puffy celebrity but they don't see this bit where he had to work really hard to find these people and to track them down. This strips him from that perfect persona that we know him as and we see the raw determination from him and his spotty magical abilities.

It disgusts me to read this. I hate the character even more now that i've gotten to know him better. i don't sympathize with him, i wish he'd embrace similies because they're wonderful like watermelon ;) , and i wish he wouldn't steal from other people. He truly is a despicable man and you've written this aspect of his personality really well. I'm quite impressed with your writing ability! Great job!

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Review #42, by SilentConfessionSoul Pieces: Pride

13th July 2013:
This is an intriguing story. I think there is a lot below the surface with this and that Fred Weasley is going to have to face a lot more before he gets out. I wonder if George will be there to save him each time or will fred fall further and further away with each sin he has to face. I do love the way you've dealt with this. The way that Death just wants to play jokes and petty games. It makes me want to see what happens if Fred were to fail at any of these tests. Which place would he go? If he can't be the hero but fails... what then?

Anyway, you have an intriguing start. It's different and unique take on travel and taking us on our journey through the afterlife. There will be more demons for Fred to face i'm sure and things that he may not be able to get out of. But in the end Fred likes games just as much so it'll be interesting to see the rest play out (as you say there will be more once the HC is done)

The beginning was hard to take. Having to see Fred actually try and deal with his mourning family. It just showed his personality there because he didn't want to put his family in pain, he wanted to protect them, to save them from their grief. It was a really touching and sad moment. You have fantastic descriptive skills and it helps set the scene absolutely wonderfully. I'm really glad i was able to read this!

Author's Response: Helloo! So glad to see you here. Thank you for taking the time to review my story :)

You are absolutely right. This is just the top of the iceberg of Fred's journey. There are many more inner battles he will have to take before his 'destiny' will reveal itself to him. As to who will be there to save him next time (or not...), you'll have to find out for yourself :D The story can go either way: he could save himself from falling into each sin, or he could not. Nothing is guaranteed ;)

Fred definitely enjoys games, but I don't know how much he enjoys being played with. There will be moments when he realises that Death is only mocking him, toying with him to see if he's going to break or not, which will make him very angry. But once he has chosen this path, he cannot turn back. So he has to play the game of life :) (as I like to call it).

Thank you for the compliments on Fred's characterisation. It's an aspect of the story I wasn't sure I got completely right, but now I can rest assured that I've handled it with enough care. It was very hard writing him in that scene. I tried not to overdo the intensity of the scene, but describe enough to tap into the desperation of his situation and the effect death had on his state of mind. I really hope I did him justice :)

I can't thank you enough for this review. It was a real pleasure reading it and responding to it. I do hope you will come back later and see what's in store next for poor Fred :D I can guarantee a bumpy ride haha


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Review #43, by SilentConfessionNon-Omnis Moriar - Not All of Me Shall Die: The Beginning of the End

13th July 2013:
I haven't thought too much about Voldemort's experience with the afterlife. I had this image of it being terrible and grotesque like the skeletal figure we see at the King's cross station when Harry gets there. Something akin to being stuck, destroyed.

I did like this though. How he saw his life before him. Moments that made him who he was, moments that defined him. It was clear that not at a single moment he felt remorse which I appreciated for a story like this because it wouldn't have fit in with who Voldemort was as a person. He wouldn't have ever felt sadness for who he was, any kind of regret for the choices that he made.

You did Voldemort well I think. It's hard to write him and it's daunting to be honest to get him perfectly in character. I think you generally did well with him though I think he could have had an edgier feel to him, a more sinister feeling might have made this even better. Generally though I think you did well in creating Voldemort on page.

I thought it as interesting that you likened this state that he is in now with how he was when he was first stripped of his body. He has to cling to the idea that he wouldn't die completely. That his reign will never be over and his unending hope that he could not be destroyed. Least of all by someone like Harry. I'm only guessing here but by calling Harry a mudblood are you saying that anyone who doesn't have pure blood must have 'tainted' blood like a mudblood?

I suppose with all that though i would have liked to see bigger moments, moments that defined Tom Riddle and I felt like although it was cool to see some of his past that there could have been moments that showed his growth into being a monster. Though I guess it does bring up the idea of nature vs nurture and maybe Riddle was just born being evil.

Anyway, this is a really interesting look at Voldemort's afterlife. I loved that you chose to expand on his afterlife.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Originally, I was going to add more scenes but had to narrow it down due to time constraints with the HC deadline. It was difficult keeping Voldemort in character with him being dead. I wanted to keep the evil emotion but draw on the fact that he was indeed deceased.

Thanks for reviewing!

~Celtic~


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Review #44, by SilentConfession( [ { final destination } ] ): the end

13th July 2013:
Wisty!

What is this? What have you done?? I'm speechless because this whole thing is completely different and out there and I love it. It truly is an incredible piece of writing and i don't even know where to start with this review. I just want to flail about and hug the writing to pieces. Honestly. I don't even know why i like it so much, i'm speechless and that's not normal for me.

I loved the () [] {} bits of the story. How they all led to one another and brought the story in a circle and it was harsh. It was jagged and cut the story up. It stopped the flow of the story but somehow that really worked with this. Worked for Snape because the whole time I kept thinking how very much like Snape this whole thing is. How jagged, unclear, how harsh and it just fit perfectly with what you were trying to do. The self-loathing you have pervades the story completely. It seems like every remembrance, every thought is a regret, a mistake.

I loved the overall tone and the style of this. It made the theme and the emotion really prevalent. In a detached sort of manner. If that makes sense because i felt like this story was very based in reality that he was losing his reality and on this journey that was detached from anything we know and yet i still felt the story. You have an excellent use of imagery. The blue black of his veins, his bruises. Every word it seemed had a purpose and conveyed something to the readers. This is honestly something you should be proud of making. It's a great piece!

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Review #45, by SilentConfessionJust Keep Running: Just Keep Running

13th July 2013:
This story is exceptional. Gah! So many emotions are running through me at the moment and it's so haunting and stirring. I don't even know if I can be coherent with my review with this piece of writing. I loved the beginning of this. The gripping sensation that this character, who ever they are, is in so much pain and turmoil. I can't help but care with the character, to feel their pain as if it were my own. There is also this urgency that you begin it with. The fact that she is running, trying to escape something that's been chasing her. We don't know what it is but we do know that if it catches up with her than it feels like she could cease to exist. Something bad anyway. We also get this sense that she's at the end of her rope. That there is nothing left for her and I find myself wanting to reach into your story and help the character.

I loved how you added in that the war was throughout the whole world. That's interesting because most stories just explore the happenings in Britain. I usually do that as well but I suppose it would have been more widespread, especially if there were people leaving the country and going into hiding I can imagine that the snatchers would be ordered to find them. It's a great detail though and makes this seem like it could be another epilogue of the story. A lost moment in the Potter world.

The moment when she comes undone. When she spills everything out to this muggle man was heart wrenching because I think it shows a lot of where her state of mind is. Especially when we find out that it's Angelina who seemed to be more practical and levelheaded. She doesn't seem like the kind of character who'd break the Statue of Secrecy. However she does and it shows how broken she is at the moment. The end where she oblviates Sam's memory too was just too much. The one person who just sat and listened, who didn't try and tell her to be better but just tried to understand her and care for her. there was nothing else she could do but that but it was just sad to me to see that moment and see that it wasn't enough for her to get a grasp on the situation. She is still lost, runing from her grief and the truth.

The only thing that I was slightly confused with was 'them'. Who are these mysterious 'they' that she is running from? The people she cares about? Are they actually searching for her or does she just imagine that they are hot on her tail? That part was left unexplained in my mind and it left a hole in the story for me. Kept me from fully believing the story as i kept wondering about it and wishing that there was just a little more clarity in it. Even if was the people that loved her (which i think is a really cool aspect of it because you're not always running from evil) I also think that those same people are in such grief themselves that they'd understand her need to be alone for a time. Unless she's just imaging they are coming for her and that she's made this fiction in her mind that she's in danger of having her grief misunderstood.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this story, a lot. It was emotional, it packed a lot of punch to it and it was just so good. I don't even know if this review makes sense but this is a good piece of writing!

Author's Response: Hello there. Thanks for the review!

I did try to show a lot of emotion through this as she was a very broken woman here. Everything she ever had was lost and destroyed in this one war and she and the baby were just left alone.

I also think that the war too would hav ebeen widespread throughout the whole world as Voldemort doesn't seem the type to just settle for British domination, why not just go the whole hog and have the entire world whilst he's at it.

I know what you mean about the statue of secrecy but she only ever went in there with the view to obliviate him afterward and that's quite poignant for me.

They here are her friends and family who are really worried about her. As soon as she heard about the death she disappeared so noone knows how she is although they know about the baby. They want her to come home rather than keep running as they will want her to know that whilst they've lost Fred she's still part of that family.

Thank you


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Review #46, by SilentConfessionA Peculiarity of Sorts: A Peculiarity of Sorts

13th July 2013:
One thing I was impressed with was your inclusion of all these weird animals and creatures. So many times i've read people who make Luna more normal and ground her. Sometimes that works to an extent but I liked how you didn't really try that but just embraced her quirkiness and made it a major part of the story as well. It really helped get a picture of Luna and made her seem canon and wonderful. I've always had a soft spot for her and I think you captured that essence of Luna that i've always loved. The ability to just be without worrying about other people's expectations of normal. Also, Nargles taking her wellies? Brilliant.

I love train journey's too which made this one-shot very dear to me. You made that part of it really realistic and true to life. I liked how you tied the journey of life is like a train journey as well. It seemed very Lunaish as well to have this deep understanding of life. Which I think is great and realistic because it seems sometimes like that's true to life, the quirkiest people, the ones who don't shout out their opinions but rather travel through life doing their own thing have this really strong idea of what life means.

I loved the inclusion of Rolf and that they met this way. You can tell they hit it off and i've always thought that Rolf would have to be someone special to fall in love with someone like Luna and he must have some of her quirks in him as well. I can just imagine them searching for creatures the rest of the live together. Which is sweet. I really liked your nod to the war before, whether it was mentioning Neville's haunted face or the fact that she struggled like everyone else to get through.

The only thing I wish I saw more was more description of their surroundings. A bigger feeling of being in the place that they were in with them. It seemed very focussed on them and sometimes i found it hard to vision them in their surroundings.

Great job with this story! It was a lovely read!

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Review #47, by SilentConfessionMum's the Word: Romania

13th July 2013:
I really loved this! Charlie is such an unrepresented character in fanfiction and the books and it's great to see him feature in your one-shot. I like how you played on his need for adventure and life. This seems very Charlie like i'd imagine. It would have to be for a guy who wanted to work with dragons. I also loved how he got the carpet. It was quite clever to be honest and I was like 'go Charlie! you barter with that hag!' Brilliant.

I liked the humour in this. It was sly and subtle at times but it seemed to fit in with your characters. It also goes really well with your writing style which is very smooth and almost poetic in a way. But I feel that way with almost all the stuff that you write as the tone of your writing voice just makes it easy to like the story itself.

It was funny to see such a determined boy to get to the Dragons and trying to even make himself look like a Dragon keeper before hand by thinking of how hard they must be to keep up with the job. It was a nice touch. Showed that he was just a teen, especially with his sheepish answers after being caught and him admitting he ran away because of a row. It was all very true to life.

Great story! I really enjoyed reading this a lot!

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Review #48, by SilentConfessionThe Twenty Two: Scotch Bonnets, Cakes and Buses

13th July 2013:
Hey!

This was an excellent piece. The narration you have for this story is really quite strong and poignant. Your main character, although we never find out who it actually is, has a strong voice and carries the story on really well. I love her observations about life and buses as well. They were dryly observant at times and other times a little outrageous. I like how you named the boys by something that signifies them - elbow patch boy, scotch bonnet etc. Tibbie seems so normal, so lovestruck that it's quite funny actually to see the similarities. Her slightly stalkerish ways just made me laugh and her obsession with drawing the back of his head. Excellent use of her skills I think ;) .

It was also cool to read a completely normal and almost insignificant way to travel. Buses. It made the story unique though and true to life. I don't think people make as good of use of that as they could. It adds a lot of hilarious content to it anyway.

Aww, Henry! Such a sweet guy to come to her rescue like that. I liked how it was just so natural between them as well. His absolutely adorableness and sweeping in when she just experienced rejection as well.

The only thing i could suggest with this is I wish i could have visioned this a little more and got a feel for the place. It started out good because you gave these smell of smoke and mint there but as the story continued I felt like some of the description was lost a little.

Anyway, lovely entry to the HC! Glad I was able to read this!

Author's Response: Hello! Wow, what a fantastic review!! I'm so glad you reviewed because this is lovely and also very good and satisfying and YEAH I'm sorry I took so long to reply because you know this is so nice idk.

I'm glad you liked the narration because, idk, I feel like that's important in this kind of fic? I think really the only way for Tibbie to use her drawing skills was drawing the back of her stalker-crush's head- I mean, why else would a teenage girl /need/ to be good at art?

I really liked buses, even though sometimes they intimidate me a bit haha- it's really interesting watching people on buses because they all behave like they're in these little tiny wee bubbles, when really they're in a large, moving room, haha. Anyway, it makes it a really interesting location to write about.

Ah, I know what you mean about the description! I think I got a bit distracted by the plot; maybe later I'll edit this to put in a bit more description!

Thank you so so much for the fantastic and detailed review, I'm so glad you liked it!! Really this was like the /best/ review!

Charlie
xx


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Review #49, by SilentConfessionFear and Loathing in Branson: Around the World, Wizarding Style

12th July 2013:
This is such a bizarre story and a weird take on Neville. I think I like it as i've never really thought what he might be like drunk but if i were to imagine it I think it would be very much like you've done it. I can't imagine what would be going through Rick's mind as he's hearing all this stories which he clearly think are complete rubbish. If someone walked up to me and talked about brooms and magical swords and cutting snakes heads off it would be absolutely ridiculous to hear.

I absolutely loved the differences you portrayed between the american and britishisms. It was hilarious because it made his explanations so much better. I just keep feeling bad for Rick that he has to deal with poor Neville and has to try and understand what the heck he's trying to say. It just makes the whole thing so much more difficult and funny to see the barrier between them. I couldn't stop laughing at the whole entire thing.

Great job! I really appreciated reading this and this really funny take on Neville's and Luna's personality and what they experienced after the war. 'm so used to reading angsty stuff that I think it was a good break for me to read this!

Author's Response: Hi, there! Sorry to have take so long to respond!

Poor Rick obviously doesn't believe what Neville is telling him. He just can't decide whether Neville is pulling his leg or completely crazy.

It was fun to try to figure out little cultural differences that would throw the characters for a loop. This is the first time I've ever written a story where I take a British character and drop them into the middle -- very nearly the geographic center, in this case -- of America. Maybe I'll do that more often.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #50, by SilentConfessionFollow Me Down: Follow Me Down

12th July 2013:
this is an absolutely stunning story. I absolutely loved the tone of your writing and the slightly whimsical feel of the tale. With the wishing well, the flowers, the songs, poems, - it really gave the whole thing a really beautiful feeling to it and made it seem more bittersweet. I found myself sad for Rosemerta for being so attached to her first love and not being to let go of him. This whole story seemed like a self journey as well as she finally left the one place she'd always been and as her journey continued her memories also came and it seemed to bring her comfort and closure.

Rosmerta was really well written as well and i liked her characterization. Her hard working spirit, and the way your wrote her sadness. It seemed to permeate even her actions at times, especially at the beginning she had this air of acceptance that she'd never be quite happy.

The only thing i'd have liked to see is why she felt attracted to the brother. A little more lead in with that might have made it flow a little more clearer so that it didn't feel like she was replacing Jax with Jay. But honestly that's such a nitpicky thing and the rest of the one-shot was really nice. You're tone of writing is really lovely and makes it easy to get lost in your writing and in the story itself. It was perfectly described as i felt like i could get a good image of her surroundings and yet i didn't feel like there was a description overload either. So great job with that!

Good work with this!

Author's Response: SilentConfession,

Oh, thank you for your lovely review of this heart-breaking, but hopeful story. You point out so many things, it is hard to know what to say.

Yes, this story was meant to be heart-felt with a bit of whimsy and magic, but with hope in the end.

Yes, Rosmerta was attached to her love, very attached. I think the pub really took over her life and she found a certain peace in continuing the dream.

I'm so glad that you like her characterization. She is not written about too often and as a business owner, I feel that she would have to very intelligent. And yes, she has loved and lost and learned how to live with the hurt. ;(

I agree, I should've said more of their differences so that it wouldn't seem that he was just a replacement, but the word count wouldn't allow it. I had to cut and cut and cut it down. It was painful to do and I felt like I was butchering it, but it had to be done for the competition.

Thank you so much for your in-depth and wonderful review.

From my heart,
Thank you,
Dark Whisper



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