Reading Reviews From Member: SilverDarkHorse
57 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SilverDarkHorseIdentity: Bad Company

7th April 2015:
Yes. Finally some Sirius and Peter and Ginny after a massive overload of Malfoy from last week. The conversation between Sirius and Peter was interesting. The more Slytherin side of me says Peter deserves all he got. Poor Sirius though - it must be very unconfortable for him to return to the place he suffered so much at, even if he does have Padfoot inside his head to protect him. Moving onto Crouch senior's appearance, is there some hint here that I'm not picking up? Other than his "looking sad" I can't really find anything. Brown seems to have settled down a bit, doesn't he? Not qiute as annoying now as he was those days! :P

But I think the Tom-Ginny dynamic is your masterpiece here. It is exceedingly uncomfortable to read - sociopathic, the way he can't feel emotions, the relationship is paedophilic, almost, but that is what makes it so effective. I do hope you will make these scenes even stronger in the future.

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Review #2, by SilverDarkHorseIdentity: Bludger Gone Rogue

19th March 2015:
This was a much, MUCH better chapter than the last five or six have been. Each scene was long enough for some solid action and good characterisation. Padfoot and Moony at last! Hehe bet Sirius gave Lockhart a thorough what-for.

I love your inclusion of Colin in this. He's such an underused character in canon, and its nice to see him interacting with Ginny so much. Your portrayal of Tom was great, as usual. What a psychopath.

I honestly wouldn't mind even if you posted a chapter every two weeks or so - we all understand uni workloads are horrible. Don't let haste affect the quality of work you produce.

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Review #3, by SilverDarkHorseHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Second Career Plan

11th March 2015:
Hello again, and I’m here with your requested review.

Just one point before I start – you said that Harry became an Animagus in your first story. In that case, you might want to add an author’s note to the first chapter of this one to let people know it’s a sequel or in the same universe or something of the sort. That might clear up the confusion.

Okay, on to the review now.

I like this first scene. It’s interesting to learn about wand cores, wand woods and wandless magic, and you explain things very well – it’s a definite improvement from the first two chapters, so well done! The story about how Ollivander’s ancestors travelled from the Med to England is interesting – and I’d also love to know how they knew about Druid methods of wandlore. It’s probably not essential to this scene, but I’m curious now. The idea of one’s own magical core being a substitute for the wand core is a novel one, and I hope you’ll explore that in future chapters.

Ah, so Harry has guessed what the Druids know about wand woods choosing wizards. This is intriguing. You’re building up a bit of suspense here, so that’s great. The explanation you’ve given about Ollivander choosing Oak as a substitute for Holly makes sense regarding geographical aspects makes sense and is great detail. I’d also recommend including if Oak and Holly have any similarities in their power or characteristics that might help Harry more than any other woods.

Ooh, now the plot is getting hot. So Cadwagan isn’t as innocent as supposed, then. The moral ambiguity you’ve brought in here is nice. He obviously wants his sacred lands back, but he isn’t above kidnapping Harry and letting harm come to him if that’s what it takes. Umbridge is an interesting addition, and certainly one that I didn’t expect. Great plot twist. I would like to know how and why she is here – canonically she’s supposed to be in Azkaban for crimes against Muggleborns, so did she escape? Was she freed? Unless you reveal all in later chapters, an explanation – perhaps some scenes from Umbridge’s POV or similar would work. And Dara is now wise to this plot, isn’t she? Maybe Cadwagan isn’t as smart as he thinks then!

Fred’s portrait is a nice idea. So sweet! I see you give us a small hint that there’s some form of bad blood between Umbridge, Lestrange and Harry, and I’m hoping it’s developed more in the future. Your characterization of Malfoy has improved. He seems more in character now than in the first chapter, and very well done on that. The banter between Malfoy and Ron is excellent – it flows very naturally. You inject little bits of humour into this very well – for example, Ron’s stomach growling.

So the witch in the picture is Cliodna Cadwagan. One sub-mystery solved! I would be interested to know how exactly Dara knew that there was a picture of Cliodna at the apothecary, and how she was sure Harry received the message. Hopefully you reference it again soon. So the last scene is also very interesting. You bring together Umbridge, Dumbledore and Druid magic. Just a teaser of sorts as yet, more will be revealed soon, I expect. A little too dialogue-oriented here, some more description wouldn’t go amiss. Otherwise it feels a tad rushed.

Overall, this chapter was very good. It brings some important points in your plotline, and the story development and characterization is much better than in the previous chapters – there is a definite improvement. So, very well done, and hope this review is helpful.

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: Your review really enlightens me. I really appreciate that you read my story deeply and left helpful review. And your opinion always reminds me of the important things: the more time I spent in writing and thinking the plot, the more fascinating my story was. And at the same time I am taken aback how thoughtless I was by your profound review, again. Your opinion made me realize I should've thought harder the plot and my expression was not enough. Thanks for pointing out the things I've forgotten.
I'll plant those seeds I scattered watering with your advice and encouragement, try to let them bloom properly.

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Review #4, by SilverDarkHorseIdentity: The Chamber of Secrets

10th March 2015:
This was an interesting chapter. Your portrayal of Tom Riddle is great - so scheming and psychopathic. It practically makes my skin crawl - good job! The Kelpie idea is a fantastic red-herring to throw in. Of course, knowing your tendency for unprecedented plot twists, the monster just might turn out to be the Kelpie-disguised-as-basilisk or something of the sort, but it's an interesting idea to keep Harry occupied with, after all.

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Review #5, by SilverDarkHorseHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Godfather

9th March 2015:
Hello, I’m here again with your requested review.

The first scene is interesting. You’ve developed the conversation between Andrew and Harry well – it’s specially good that Andrew, while still a young boy, can understand the difference between right and wrong – and knows that his stepfather wants him to do the correct thing, in spite of his natural (and very understandable) want for revenge. You’ve shown Harry’s emotions and thoughts remarkable well here too, these lines in particular were very effective: “He felt the pain he had held down inside his heart for years surfaced off again. If Sirius was still alive, Harry could live with him anywhere they wanted like a real son and a real father. Of course he respected his own parent and he loved them but it was Sirius who let Harry feel that he was loved for the first time in his childhood.” We often forget that Harry is also still very young, and probably longs for some sort of father-figure in his life. One things you can do to make this scene a little more immersive is to add some dialogue tags and description – perhaps describe how Andrew looked when he approached Harry (did he blus, was he shifty-eyed) or how Harry regarded his request (maybe he wondered why Andrew wanted to practise right away, since the there’s still two weeks left before the match) – since the beginning of the scene is a little dialogue heavy.

Ah, now you’re tying in the runes seen at the apothecary with healing magic taught to Aurors. It’s certainly intriguing – so as I understand, the Serpentine, when engraved with the correct rune, will work both on cursed heat and on healing. What I like is that you haven’t made the healing stones overly powerful, and have set some sensible boundaries and restrictions on their magic – such as taking into account the power levels of the casters of the curse and the abilities of the healers who are using the stones.

The dialogue here among Ron, Harry, Neville, Dean and Seamus also sounds very natural, so kudos on that. The next part, when Harry and Ron are in the Black Lake is reminiscent of the Triwizard Tournament, but still has your own spin on it. It’s nicely detailed, though I would recommend breaking up that particular paragraph into two smaller ones, as it is quite long at present.

Ah the little exchange between Ginny and Harry, including the kiss is very tender and sweet. Yes, I can easily imagine Ginny being anxious to perform well in front of Gwenog Jones. I also noticed that the first to approach Hermione when she has the fever is Ron, and that touched my inner Romione-shipper very much.

All right, now comes the dream. Honestly, I found this part to be quite confusing – and not intriguing enough to hold my attention. When you say “he had the weird dream again,” that implies he’s had it before, but you haven’t given us a hint anywhere to say that. The silver doe and cross do arouse my curiosity, as does Sirius’ advice to ask his tree, but Harry’s Animagus being a horse is really throwing me a curve ball. Where did that suddenly come from? I was under the impression that this is canonical up to now, and this is a sudden shock. As such unprecedented Animagus abilities are often the forerunners of “super!Harry” stories (and I’m sure this is not one of those?) my suggestion would be to give us some hints of this ability earlier in the story – and maybe a little explanation as to how/why he became one.

The exchange between Andromeda and Harry was excellent. You have an innate ability to evoke emotions and make powerful comparisons between characters and circumstances, and this is evident here. Harry’s thoughts about Teddy’s future and his parents, and Andromeda’s comparison to Bellatrix were well written. I’m sure you include more comparisons of the sort in future chapters, and I am sure they are all as good as this one.

So that’s about it for this chapter. Hope it was helpful!

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: I'd like to answer your question. Why is Harry's animagi a horse, which was written in my first fanfic story, but as you say I have to explain more in this chapter.

Druidic stone magic is almost my original idea inspired by "Merlin" BBC drama. So my description may be hard to understand, as you pointed out, I need to rewrite it in detail for readers.

Authors sometimes have self-satisfaction, so review like you did is needed. Thank you so much!

Your review really enlightens me. I can think over to which part I should add infomation or where I did a good job from your profound review.

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Review #6, by SilverDarkHorseIn Fields of Poppies: The Poppies Blow

8th March 2015:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review. You're quite right - this is right up my alley. Ah, war! My favourite subject (callous as it may sound).

So firstly, you have an excellent story title and summary. Both set the tone for the fic, and will draw in readers who are interested in this type of thing.

My overall impression is good. The entire thing works well together, but the three main points about grandfather, father and Lily also have distinct boundaries within the fic. I'd say the prologue sets the rest of the story up well, and gives the reader a taste of what's to come.

Description in general is good - from the details you’ve chosen to use (tanks and bombs for father, trenches for grandfather and wands for Lily) we can understand that it's WWII, WWI, and the wizarding war. The differences and contrast in senses – sight, sound and movement in each of the three wars is powerful imagery. Slightly more evocative language would make it even more powerful - for example, dwelling a little more on the pain of the soldiers who lingered before they died, or about the infantry marches, or how exactly would death and torture happen in Lily's war. The

There were some small points that struck me as odd. Firstly, the repeated use of "King and country and honour." I do understand that that was the line most used for propaganda to entice people to enlist, but the experience on the battlefield is different. For example, Alistair MacLean, who'd been in WW2 says in all of his books that thoughts of king and country and honour were very distant from their minds at that time. They fought for survival, and their families (which you've emphasised, so that is good), and they understood that war was a necessary evil. The same goes for modern soldiers, as you've shown with Lily.

Other than that, I think this is an excellent opening to an unusual story, and I certainly am interested in reading more. Please feel free to rerequest any time.

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you're enjoying most of this! I'll definitely keep the advice on descriptions in mind for the future, and for editing the prologue.

As for the use of "King, country and honor," it's more for the sake of the story than anything. It makes a more interesting contrast to have Phil fighting because he has to, Jack fighting because he wants to and Lily fighting because it's a war about her. I will definitely be looking into Alistair MacLean, as I have never heard of him before. I will also keep this particular piece in mind as the story progresses.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review! :)

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Review #7, by SilverDarkHorseHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Apothecary

7th March 2015:
Hello! Finally here with your requested review. A thousand apologies for the massive delay - uni started up again, and I was drowning in work.

First of all, kudos to you for trying your hand at writing something that isn't in your first language. It's hard to do, but you are faring quite well.

This is a very, very interesting premise - a good start to the story. It will be interesting to see how the Druids and their brand of old magic fit into Harry's world. The introductory scene was effective because you gave us four vital points - introducing Dara, linking Harry to the Druids, touching on Dumbledore's dealings with them, and introducing some of the Druid lands. It would have been nice if you'd given a little more backstory on the Druids - who are the people that aren't giving their lands back, or what sort of fights they had, or how Dara was affected by it - to solidify the beginning. That will probably be coming in the next few chapters, I suppose, but it is always a good idea to establish the connections between the Druid lands and the rest of the wizarding world early on in the plot.

Your use of detail is good. The idea of using known canon characters such as Proudfoot, Cattermole and Dedalus instead of needlessly creating OCs, enriches the story. Well done on that aspect.

The exchange at the Apothecary was interesting. Harry feeling that the castle was familiar to him added a little depth to the chapter. Again, the detail about the healing stones enriches the scene. A little bit more description would also help the scene along, interspersed among the dialogue.

As far as characterisation goes, I do love your interpretation of Ernie MacMillan. He has all the fairness and sense of justice of a Hufflepuff, but also that spark of spirit ans gumption that is uniquely his. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny seem to be all right so far, though a tad colourless. Maybe adding some narrative about their thoughts or feelings would improve them. The same goes for Dara - a good introduction, but needs solidifying through narrative of thought and dialogue.

I'm reserving my opinion on Draco for the moment. I'd like to see how he develops in future chapters. I feel like he's a bit OOC at the moment - too mellow and too understanding. As this story is canon-compliant, so, though Draco knows he's been in the wrong earlier, it's unlikely that he'll do a complete turn-around and be nice and reasonable all at once - people are generally too set in their ways for that.

That aside, this promises to be an original and interesting story. I hope you found this review helpful, and do feel free to request again.

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, SilverDarkHorse. Your review is one of the best reviews I've taken so far.

Your advice will be a good guide when I'll rewrite this chapter. I got ready for writing Druidic magic, but as you say, it was not enough, so I'll add some more detail sooner or later.

Talking of Draco, I'm still wondering which way to go, so your suggestion really helps a lot.

I'll request again as you can spare time for this story. :)

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Review #8, by SilverDarkHorseIdentity: Of Boggarts And Brothers

9th February 2015:
It's nice to see Remus and Dora reunited of course, but I still think that Remus deserves a punch to the face for treating Sirius and Harry - his family - so summarily.

And I'm going to be very blunt here, and I don't mean to be unkind, but the constant emphasis on Draco Malfoy - especially the increasing rapport between him and Hermione - is making me lose interest in the story. Malfoy never interested me as a character (though his development in Innocent held my attention very well).

I also feel a little as if Malfoy is ursurping Ron's importance in the friendship group. For example, Draco effectively took over Ron's sacrifice during the chess match with the giant chess set in Initiate - leaving Ron as only a useless sort of sidekick. I love your Ron-POV sections, but I think he's not getting enough credit in his friendship group.

But as Malfoy happens to be probably the most popular character and adored by most fans, I guess we'll be seeing much, much more of him all the time.

And anyway, I guess that's what happens when you come for the Marauders, but the storyline inevitably evolves into Hogwarts era.

Apart from that, the story is great, as usual. Tom-Ginny storyline promises to be interesting.

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Review #9, by SilverDarkHorseLove is for Fools: Not a Fool

8th February 2015:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!

My first impression is that this story is very good. You've said that the writing style is a new one for you; I think you've used second person very effectively. It flows smoothly and a little slowly, giving the reader time to absorb the details and really feel the angst. I caught two places where a semi-colon instead of a comma might help to improve the flow:

"...sound annoys you more than it should, the creature would never understand your grief."

and "...hanging haphazardly over the edges of the drawers, his appearance was of utmost importance to him".

Description is excellent. The details about Buckbeak, the dust covering the dresser, Sirius' interest in his appearance all play their part in hooking the reader in. The progression of the story is effective too; starting off with their friendship, then going on to Remus' suffering, and finally his thoughts about death.

Remus was perfectly in character. It was very clear that he was heartbroken - the comments about "quiet suffering" and not wanting his feelings to hinder their friendship were very effective, and true to Remus. At the same time, the common sense that is a hallmark of his character comes through - "What good is it doing you to sit here when he is gone beyond the veil never to return?". You've also given the reader a shred of hope at the end: "And you hoped it was too." It balances out the angst very well. Sirius' characterisation comes across well too.

I think the two most potent lines are these:

"“Love,” he always said, “love is for fools, and I, Sirius Black, am not a fool.”

and "Zonkos,” Sirius once told you, “if there is a heaven, I hope it’s exactly like Zonkos.”

Overall, a very effective piece of writing, and one that made me very sad (in the best way possible, of course :D).

SilverDarkHorse x.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm going to start with an apology for how long it has taken me to reply to this review, I'm so rubbish.

Remus' character is one of my favourites, I was so devastated by his death in the book. This was the first time I've written him as a main character and I was so nervous that I would get him wrong. I'm beyond relieved that you think he was in character, and Sirius too. :)

Thank you for pointing out those sentences that needed a semi-colon, I've fixed them now :)

In the nicest way possible, I'm so happy that I made you sad :p Thank you so much for this lovely review!


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Review #10, by SilverDarkHorseAfter Waking: Chapter One

25th January 2015:
Hi there. Your beautiful banner in the newly added stories list caught my eye. Then I saw Lupin, Sirius and Regulus in the other characters list, and simply had to click on this!

I like your story so far. It's hard to make a female OC work in first person without her coming off as Mary-Sue, but you have done it well. Your use of the names Mary and Anna is also great - simple but elegant, suited to royalty. And I am extemely tired of the usual Katelyns and Jades which are much more contemporary than you find in the Marauder era.

The story seems intriguing; what with poisonings and royal suspects and poor Anna/Mary trying to fit in with-ahem-commoners. I also see plenty of potential for humour here. Her slightly snobbish attitude adds an interesting angle to the story.

Strangely, your story reminds me very much of The Secret Garden - Mary's ayah dying, Mary being packed off to place she has very little chance of fitting in to...

The only discrepancy of sorts I can find is this: "I closed my eyes tightly as they drug the man from the room." I'm not quite sure whether "drug" is common in American English, but usually "dragged" is a better form of the verb to use.

And I would like to see a bit more detail into Anna's thoughts and feelings, so as to create a more immersive story.

That said, it was a lovely chapter, and I hope to read more of this story soon.

SilverDarkHorse x.

When planning a new story I always try to find a way to fit all three of them in because *swoon*

Thank you so much. My OC actually started out VERY mary-sue like so I had to edit her down a lot and I was unsure if I had succeeded or not.

I actually have never seen The Secret Garden, but I did start toying with the idea for this novel after watching the first episode of Reign.

And thanks for pointing that out. I try so hard to get my grammar right but sometimes... well you know ;)

Thank you kindly for the review! I have the next chapter completely written it's just taking longer to edit than I anticipated but I plan on having it up soon!

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Review #11, by SilverDarkHorseDefining Moments: Chapter 1 - Sirius

17th January 2015:
Ha. Julianne Price, that real estate firm up Flinder's Street?

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Review #12, by SilverDarkHorseIdentity: Old And New

10th January 2015:
Welcome back (again!)

Great chapter as usual, though I very much miss the 6K-7K chapters of the Innocent era (hint, hint).

I love the spirit you've shown Ginny possessing. Very true to what I believe Ginny to be. She could easily take down Percy any day. Nice little reference to Fred and George's fraternal bond with Ginny, too. It would also have been very interesting if the diary fell into Percy's hands. SOme nice little plot arcs and spinoffs are already assaulting me...:P

Wonderful to see Sirius and Remus again. You write Sirius so exquisitely. And Remus ah, the puir wee laddie. Digs himself into his own grave, he does. Maybe Harry can bring him 'round in a while, though.

There's a slight issue with the formatting; the space between scenes is unequal in this one. HPFF glitch, maybe?

Since it's still holidays, can we hope for a longer chapter next time?

Cheers, mate,
SilverDarkHorse x.

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Review #13, by SilverDarkHorseIdentity: A Chance Meeting

26th December 2014:
This was a great boxing-day present! Thank you! I hope you had a great Christmas - were you in Adelaide for Christmas?

I feel terrible for Remus and Dora. I do hope he gets his act together soon. As an avid Remus-Dora lover, I still hope for a wedding :/

I liked the glimpse of Ginny. This is as she should be, not like the spineless creature portrayed in the films.

Loved seeing Sirius again a lot, too. You've concentrated so much on Malfoy recently, that I felt quite deprived of Sirius. It was a little bit of heaven to read about him again :D

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Review #14, by SilverDarkHorseIdentity: Choices Made

29th November 2014:
Welcome baaack! This is so exciting! What a great start to the new book. poor Remus :'(I don't think he'll stop Dora from going...maybe he should go with her? It will be difficult for him to get a job there, though. Maybe they should get married before she goes (yes, please forgive my fixation, but I am extremely fond of those two). I really enjoyed this glimpse into Remus' mind. He never can catch a good break, can he? First he thought his best friend had died, and now this. But surprising that Dora didn't pick up on his sadness. She's usually quite sharp.

I loved the explanation why Azakaban isn't the worse possible punishment for a Ravenclaw. An interesting and valid point, and one that should provide an answer for people who thought Quirrel's punishment insufficent. I also like that particular scene because you've shown us how much Sirius has grown and matured (again). He's concerned, but can channel that into a productive cause - making sure Quirrel cannot hurt anyone, rather than being angry and rash. Interestingly, it's often from other people's POVs that we can see how much he's grown :)

Good for Narcissa. Now that's a REAL resourceful Slytherin. Not being a Draco fan, all I can say is poor him. But he'll manage anyway.

It was a good first chapter, and already looking forward to the next one!

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Review #15, by SilverDarkHorseSeven: Seven is the most magical of numbers.

22nd October 2014:
Hi! Here for review swap :)

Oh my goodness.

My first heartfelt reaction to this piece is that it's so beautiful. It's got such a lovely poetic feel to it. It sucked me in and took me on a tumultous ride.

My next response is to your use of the number 7 *insert applause* How on earth did you get EACH paragraph to work so well in multiples of 7? And each paragraph was a complete story in itself, while working in harmony with all the others.

"He knew the hat chose him for this reason, to be brothers with these three." That sentence is very poignant; it sums up Sirius' loyalty so well.

Your portrayal of Dorcas and Sirius' relationship is perfect. Just the right amount of detail to be beautiful without being overly graphic. Haunting, too. :'(

And Sirius taking Prong's hand, and afterwards, in Azkaban. The imagery is so good. And finally, the freedom - I can actually feel the revenge coursing through my veins as well!

And then the tumult - Harry, Remus, OOTP mobilised, Bellatrix's madness...and finally, death. I like the repetition of the noble Sirius Orion Black, it ties the story very nicely together at the end.

It was so well written, you really made me feel connected to Sirius throughout the piece. Well done!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Ugh! So sorry that it took me so long to respond to this completely amazing and wonderful review!

So excited that you felt the poetry. I was trying for a sort of rhythm with the words and I don't have a lot of experience with that, so it was so nice to hear that it works!

Eeep! You like my Dorcas/Sirus paragraph. It was a challenge to get through their entire relationship in 112 words, so I let out a little squee that you felt it worked so well.

I actually did a bit of research about Sirius on this one. The reason the dementors didn't affect him as much as the other prisoners is due to the fact that he knew he wasn't guilty. So I tried to portray that he held on to his conviction that he was going to avenge James and condemn Peter.

Oh, thank you so much for this!

♥ Beth

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Review #16, by SilverDarkHorseInitiate: Aches And Pains

22nd September 2014:
Your update was quite late last night! I waited around for ages, but finally fell asleep :P

I believe that Sirius is alive. You've given us fair reason to think so in your information about how the veil works two chapters ago.

IMHO, killing Sirius off would be a great loss to your story. J.K. did so to deprive Harry of all father figures, and reinforce the "lone hero" ideal; as far as I can see, your story follows a different moral compass. I, for one, read the story ONLY because of Sirius and Remus - it's the best Sirius-and-Remus-are-actually-explored-to-their-full-potential story out there, and the loss of one or the other would make me stop reading the story pronto.

You've invested such a lot into Sirius, he's come such a long way, developed so well as a person throughout your series, that I refuse to believe that he's dead.

Moving on, McGonagall is so irritating. She wantonly refuses to see past the end of her nose. Bleh.

A pox upon the person of King. An even worse pox upon the person of Umbridge.

As ususal, your writing in those areas was superb. It was nice to see Florence again, too. I did feel, however, that the scenes with Remus and Harry could have been a little more emotional - the thought of losing your best friend/father would generate more angst than I felt the scenes displayed.

Other than that, it was brilliant. Please don't keep us waiting for ages (Serpent Sworn times, anyone?)but bring Sirius into the picture again, soon! Maybe an early update?

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Review #17, by SilverDarkHorseInitiate: King And Croaker

13th September 2014:
Hello there! Long time. I've spent this entire morning catching up on the story so far, and it's just as delightful as I always remembered.

The minute Croaker took Sirius into the Department of Mysteries, my spidey sense started tingling. I'm going to trust my instincts though, and say that Sirius is most certainly Not Dead. If you went to the trouble of resurrecting him after J.K killed him, only to end up offing him halfway through your book, it's a pretty poor lookout for us! So HE IS ALIVE.

I wonder who whispered to him from beyond the veil. James? Regulus? I would wish :P

Poor Snape, too. And poor Draco. He must be very frustrated.

Does Harry know yet that Sirius is "dead?" I guess unless Sirius found very soon in the next chapter, Remus will have to look after Harry - poor Harry! I can't bear to think of how he'll feel :'(

I would actually have felt much more sorry for Snape, but my quota of feels is thoroughly invested in Sirius.

Your ingenious (and cruel) penchant for cliffhangers is torturing me. Please give us a happy ending to next week's chapter - at least as a start to the mid-sem break :/

SO good to be back with a review! Sirius, I believe you are alive!

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Review #18, by SilverDarkHorseMarius: The Tale of Martin Corner

11th June 2014:
Hello there! I saw your post asking for help with cricket, and as an obsessive cricket-freak, came here to scout out your stories :)

This one-shot was very enjoyable. A nice glimpse into Marius' life - and also a beginning to Michael Corner's line, I guess? It was well-written, but a bit more detail like fleshing out Professor Pendlebury's and Christopher's reactions to Martin wouldn't go amiss, I think.

Btw, you can spell cricket with a simple "c" :)

I've also added a reply with a few links on cricket to your forum post - I hope you'll find it helpful :) And there is another author here named Sheriff who is actually a cricket coach - so if you ask him he might help you out :)

All the best with your writing! I look forward to more cricket :D

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much for your review! I'm so very sorry that it's taken me so long to reply. Real life happened. :(

I've been working on updating the story and I'll definitely add in more details about others' reaction to Martin. :)

Thank you for the links. They've been very helpful.

Thank you again for your review!


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Review #19, by SilverDarkHorseSnake Bites: The Borthwick Ward

1st May 2014:
Hello again, and here is one of my promised reviews :)
You've described the action at the beginning vividly, I was able to visualize it as I read, so well done on that.

Now Charlie has a magical imprint? That certainly opens up a field of plot arcs. Should be interesting if you decide on a sequel.

Ha I love angry Greg! I would love to see a confrontation where Greg emerges victorious, but I certainly wouldn't want to be in the line of fire. Greg is rather mature for a twenty three year old.

Some more Lucas - I like him. It must be awful to have a brother like Kevin.

Thanks for the French-English translation at the end, as I am from a country where we don't learn French at all.

Lastly, how did you come up with the name "Borthwick" for the ward? I immediately thought of Scott Borthwick, legspinner for Durham :D

It was a brilliant chapter as always, and I'll be back soon to review some more :)

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thanks for another review and glad you picked out the description and scene setting as I know that's one thing I've tried to work on in recent chapters as my stories can often end up being heavy on dialogue and reaction and light on atmosphere.

Charlie's magical imprint is a definite candidate for experiment with a sequel or perhaps a one-shot (Snakes and Ladders needs finishing before I start any new epics!) as I'd like to explore Charlie and Connor's next steps in coping with the magical world.

This Lucas has helped a good deal with the characterisation of the younger Lucas and vice versa. I can definitely see the little boy fascinated by healing spells becoming a Healer on leaving school. Also I think Greg gets angrier before too long.

Finally, yes, that's pretty much it, although "leg spinner" is pushing it. It's named after the wizarding relatives of Scott Borthwick who placed a Confundus charm of such strength on the England selectors that they got young Scott confused with an Test-standard cricketer. Sadly it also convinced them that Jade Dernbach was good enough, too.

Thanks again


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Review #20, by SilverDarkHorseSnakes and Ladders: Water Leapers

28th April 2014:
Hello :)
Nice to see you're back again. I enjoyed your story Snake Bites very much, although I haven't got around to reviewing it yet - sorry about that.

I love Greg's character. You've done a good job of changing people's perceptions about Slytherin through him. I'm intrigued by Lucas Brand as well - he has the potential to become an important character in your universe.

I like this twelve year old Greg, but I like the twenty three year old Greg better!

Although this would be better said in a review for SB, I really love the dynamic between Greg and Dan. It's more a fraternal bond, I feel, than a student-teacher relationship. In your chapter Stygian Flames, when Greg is trapped inside the house, Dan says "and it's teacher who's trapped". Am I right in thinking that he wanted to say "brother" or "father" or perhaps "friend" in place of teacher, as hinted by the pause?

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for the review; always nice to have some positive unsolicited feedback! Greg's very much the heart of my universe and having written 2.3 books about him now his character is really starting to get the depth. You can also spot a little bit of reverse foreshadowing with Lucas' interest in healing spells leading to his future employment at St Mungo's.

You'd also be pretty much spot-on with your observations about Dan and Greg in Stygian Flames, though I'm not really sure Dan knew what he want to say in the heat of that particular moment. I look forward to the full review of Snake Bites that follows... ;-)

I'm not sure how much writing I'll get done over the next few months as the cricket season will kick off and dominate my life - but I will keep chipping away at Snakes & Ladders... I've managed three paragraphs of the next chapter so far, but I know what's going to happen!

Thanks again

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Review #21, by SilverDarkHorseThe Function of a Rubber Duck: Discovering the Function

29th March 2014:
Hello :)

I loved this one-shot! Very sweet. The Arthur-Ginny interaction was heartwarming, as it is not something we see much of in canon.

I like the analogy of Charlie's dragon toy. Adds interest to the story, as do the little details like Molly's fluffy pink bathrobe and matching slippers.

You've got the same great eye for detail and ability to invoke emotions that I noticed in your story about the Potters' wedding, but this story is much better paced, and is altogether more successful.

Great job!

Cheers, mate :)

Author's Response: First off - so sorry for the late response! I had a mini vacation.
And thank you so much for your review! I am particularly proud of this one shot, and it's been received very well. I like it so much more than The Wedding, which was really just my attempt to write something Marauders era.
I'm glad you liked the bit about Charlie's dragon and the interaction between Arthur and Ginny! I wanted to make it interesting, as it is so short, so I'm glad those both worked.
Thank you again very much for your review, it makes my day to see people enjoying what I write. :)

-the ghost of his last laugh

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Review #22, by SilverDarkHorseInitiate: The Professor's Intervention

29th March 2014:
Hello :)

This is a very late review because uni has been throttling me, but here goes...

I loved the Harry - Ron - Draco interaction. Particularly Ron, you've done an amazing job with him! I absolutely love the way you introduced Morgana and James' card collection - it was from Brothers, if my memory is correct?

Erh Hydrus is an awful, irritating little prat. So Ron caught Hermione when she was about to I sense a bit of Romione in the making? I like the way Harry and Ron defended her - a glimpse of the golden trio :)

Classic Moony - a sixth sense for detecting trouble! Hydrus is quite the coward behind his arrogant demeanour. I also loved the way you've brought "Brothers" into this again, with the silver skin because Reg was so pure :P That sort of small detail really enriches the story.

It was nice to have a bit of time in Moony's head - you haven't given us much of that lately. I do think however, that Remus' character development so far is a tad slow in comparison to Sirius', for example. I have not seen any marked development after he got his act together and asked Dora out. You've shown clearly how Remus sees Harry's and James' differences. I feel that Remus could be a bit more assertive, however.

Poor Harry - it's a reality check for him to rediscover the fact that he is famous :(

Frankly, I'm not fussed about Draco's sorting. My personal opinion is that he would do well in Ravenclaw, but I do know that you'll have an amazing plot arc for him regardless of the house you choose for him!

I'm more worried about Harry's and Ron's sorting. I pray that they are in Gryffindor! We could all do with some golden trio awesomeness :)

I missed Sirius in this chapter. Hopefully he'll make an appearance tomorrow - and how about a bit of Sirius/Marlene soon, please?

Altogether a brilliant chapter. Looking forward to more.

Cheers, mate :)

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Review #23, by SilverDarkHorseWide Awake : I Shot the Sheriff

18th March 2014:
Hello :)

I first came across this story some months ago on Mugglenet fanfiction, and read it with interest, but lost track of it after some time. Imagine my delight when I accidentally stumbled across it here!

I love your characterisation of James, and of Peter. The sensitive side of the former is something that you have written well. I also appreciate the fact that you've given Peter a bit of a brain and an ability to think - without making him the usual moron :)

I look foward to reading the rest of the chapters, and a sequel, should you decide to write one!

Author's Response: Hello!

Are you sure you read it on Mugglenet fanfiction? I don't think I've posted this story there ... maybe you're thinking of fanfictiondotnet? Whatever, that's beside the point. Thank you for coming back :DDD

James is such a little goofball, but I love it. I feel like a lot of fics portray him as "boy wonder" but I wanted to show his sensitive side. And Peter, oh Peter! He's probably my favorite character to write, simply because he hides in plain sight. If you continue to read on to the latest chapters, you'll see what I mean ;)

I've actually decided not to write a sequel, but believe me, this story will still be action packed and full of drama. There will a JK style epilogue, tho.

Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it XD

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Review #24, by SilverDarkHorseInitiate: Aboard The Hogwarts Express

16th March 2014:
Hello :)

This is a very short review as I bunked my schoolwork for this, and should be getting back to it soon :(

Padfoot was great - ever the parent. Brilliant advice - cause trouble, but don't get caught! You've shown the softer, less secure side of him so well here - it's evident that he is going to miss Harry very, very much :')

It was lovely to see Ron - he's one of my favourites, and you've done a great job with him :) I'm so happy that he and Harry are friends. I always loved the golden trio.

No Blaise yet? I'm sure we'll be seeing him at the sorting, though?

Draco is an interesting character. If I were Ron, I would not have been able to abstain from punching his face in :P

Looking forward to the sorting - I do hope Harry is in Gryffindor! I think it suits him best :)

Brilliant chapter, as usual, and I eagerly await more. Oh well, back to shadow calculations for me now :(

Cheers, mate! :D

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Review #25, by SilverDarkHorseInitiate: A Place To Belong

9th March 2014:
Oooh yippeee! Almost Hogwarts :D I really enjoyed this chapter, particularly the last part :P

Lovely to see Ron again. Your portrayal of him is absolutely smashing. His self-esteem issues were very evident. No Ron, you are NOT nothing - you're brilliant, empathetic, genuine and an awesome person! And Ginny was very well done, too - not just a stupid fangirl like many make her out to be, but a complex person. The twins' mockery of Percy was hilarious :D I feel a stab of sympathy for ol' Weatherby there.

Blaise would fall right into Slytherin house - except for the fact that love, and not ambition, is his driving power. (But of course, there were Snape and Regulus who had plenty of loving abilty too). I still think Ravenclaw would suit Blaise well. Oh Giovanna is a cold-blooded murderess - that part of the story was particularly chilling.

The interaction between Hermione and her mother was heartwarming! I can identify with it - both my parents were anxious when sending their only daughter off to uni in a far-away country :'(

Looks like Snape's lessons are paying off on Draco :) I've come to enjoy your portrayal of Narcissa - particularly the dynamic between Narcissa and Snape.

And of course the Marauders - MY FAVOURITE PART YAYYY :D Hmmm looks like Remus is going to have some fun :P I hope Sirius will drop by to visit often - I'm dying for more Remus-Sirius banter :)

As usual, I enjoyed the little details - Hagrid carrying the Marauders, Padfoot's doggy breath, Blaise's bolognaise etc, really livens up the story :)

Can't wait for next week! I presume the sorting will be either next week or the week after?

Cheers, mate! :)

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