Reading Reviews From Member: Leonore
  
109 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: The Clock Strikes One.

6th December 2014:
Yay, Angie's happy!

Granny and Grandad Granger are lovely, it makes me feel almost sorry for what I did to them in Rainfall. Rose's option choices are unsusprising.

This line: Angie's face lit up. "Thank you so much for including me, Mrs. Granger." - *huggles Angie* It's kind of sad that she's so surprised to be included, but it really makes her day.

Haha, Hugo's indignation at the idea of Rose getting a boyfriend! Somehow I doubt Rose is going to be getting a boyfriend in the near future, because then you'd have to write romance.

Poor Hugo. It's funny, the idea of him not being in the same year as Lily - I always assumed he was, from the epilogue, but it probably wasn't explicitly stated (I obviously don't have HP books here to figure out where I got that idea from).

This bit struck me as slightly odd, like it ought to be one or the other. Unless the repitition is for effect or something:

"At breakfast the following morning, it became clear not all her classmates felt as she did.

At breakfast the following morning it became clear that not all of her classmates were as pleased as she was to be back at school."

Well this just sums up Albus perfectly: "...and Albus just looked worried." Poor Al. I hope he gets that snitch and beats his brother.

Rose doesn't seem well at all. Not sure what's wrong with her but we're probably going to find out soon. (If she has Spattergroit... :P )

MAYBE Dora's feeling equally ill and is going to find something to help her sleep. Or maybe she's been doing something to make Rose ill.

This sentence seems kind of awkward. Maybe: "In the common room, a candle was alight," or "A candle was lighting the common room" or something (this might be Irish/English differences, I don't know). And this doesn't really want the comma: "its light hurting her eyes after the darkness of the dormitory."

Rose definitely doesn't seem well at all.

I WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT DORA'S UP TO TOO. And I can't think of any more theories at the moment, but I'll let you know if I come up with one.

Author's Response: Angie's fairly easily made happy actually, probably because she's learnt not to expect much. It's sad in one way, but it also means she's pretty resilient. She doesn't stay down long.

To be honest, I think she needs practical help more than emotional help. Mostly, she just deserves to have some of the opportunities other kids take for granted.

I love writing the difference between the Grangers and the Weasleys, with the Weasleys being such a big, crazy, tight-knit clan and the Grangers quieter and more well, academic, I suppose for want of a better word, but both adoring their grandchildren and spoiling them in their different ways - Molly fussing over them and feeding them up, Arthur taking them into the Muggle world and sharing his hobbies with them and the Grangers giving them advice on school and stuff.

As far as I know, all it said in the epilogue was that Hugo and Lily were discussing what houses they'd be in when they eventually got to go to Hogwarts, which could imply it was the same year, but wouldn't necessarily HAVE to. I've a couple of reasons for splitting them up - partly so I can focus more on each of them at a time and partly just because it struck me as a bit of a coincidence if both of Ron and Hermione's kids were in the same year as one of Harry's. Of course, it's a bit of a coincidence anyway, both of their children being within born within a couple of months of one of Harry's, but still. I suspect they are meant to be in the same year, but since I don't THINK it was said directly, it's one of the things I chose to play around with. The wiki just says Hugo was born after August 2006.

Yeah, that repetition is called "forgetting to delete the rejected sentence when editing." I changed that sentence so many times; it just kept sounding slightly wrong, probably because I was after skipping (Irish-speak alert; I guess ye'd say "had skipped") over a good chunk of time, so I must have forgotten to delete one of the rejected version or copy and pasted too much.

Hmm, it would be rather a coincidence if both of our stories had Rose ill at the end. Though of course, in yours, she got sick in her first year (ye don't use "sick" like that either, do ye? I try to use "ill" anyway, because I'm more sure of it. I don't think I could bring myself to use "poorly") whereas IF she IS sick here, it's her second.

I was wondering if you'd raise the possibility of Spattergroit. *laughs* Although that can last months, I guess it's not impossible, as Year 3 will be from Albus's point of view. I haven't decided whose point of view to write Year 4 from, but at the very least, she'd have 16 months to recover.

And of course, if she WERE ill for a long time, it would mean Albus would have to stand on his own two feet, which could be interesting.

I would torment you some more with suggestions about Rose being ill, but since you don't like her, you probably won't care.

Wonder what I'd have to do to her to get her your sympathy.

Of course, she COULD just be tired. It is pretty late and she hasn't slept and the teachers have been piling on the work as the end of year exams are coming.

And yes, if Dora was feeling ill, she might well get up to go to the hospital wing or something. Heading for the dungeons seems less likely, unless she wanted to ask Fairfax for a potion, but what are the chances he'd be in his office at 1am. She could be planning to raid the potions stores though, I suppose, and drive him crazy again. *laughs*

Yeah, that sentence was a bit awkward, so I changed it to "a candle was alight".

I'd love to hear any theories you have.

A fair amount will be revealed in the next chapter - what Dora is doing, if there is anything wrong with Rose (well, I guess it's fairly obvious another chapter should give some indications as regards that) and what happened to the Wolfsbane. Of course, the first and third could go together. Or they might not. I guess the second could be related too, but it's kinda less likely to be.


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Review #2, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Confidences.

5th December 2014:
Aww, Rose is so GROWN UP! Hugo's such a lovely normal little boy. Poor Angie - she's missing her siblings - maybe wishing her siblings could be normal and happy like Hugo? And the moment she gets excited about a topic of conversation, Rose changes the subject and ignores her!

Mmm, they get good breakfasts, at least on Easter morning! *is jealous*

Aw, Ron's being perfectly reasonable. Hermione just likes arguing with him, I guess.

As Hermione's English, you probably want English grammar here. "...to be allowed to start his Easter egg."

*huggles Hugo* He's so normal and excited and keeps the conversation from getting too deep.

Aww, Charlie actually WARNS them about the flames? I'd have expected him to not tell them to make it a surprise - a surprise which is hilarious for everyone else.

Good, Teddy doesn't fancy Lydia! Not concerned about this "she fancies him" thing. But I've already told you my views on this whole situation! Victoire's just giving her opinions/beliefs, and while they make sense it's hardly evidence of what's going to happen.

No Albus does not need to keep an eye on Angie all the time! Angie is perfectly capable of looking after herself in the Burrow.

Rose, tactful? If only. I can think of people Angie would rather have this conversation with.

Here: "What did you mean, so?" The "so" on the end is an Irish thing and, well, Rose isn't Irish.

Poor Angie *huggles her*. Rose is definitely not the best person for her to have this conversation with. I hate how casually Angie says things like "she'd probably spend the money in the pub...". Poor kid.

Um, Rose, Angie said she needed a break. That includes a break from you!

Yay, Angie's having a nice Easter for once! Everything's so normal (apart from Rose's deep conversations with people) and nice, and Hugo's bouncing around being a normal kid. It's nice seeing Hugo like that, without all the problems my Hugo has.

*bounces impatiently* I want to know who tampered with the Wolfsbane! Because as you know, I don't really have a clue.

Author's Response: Yeah, I don't think it's been mentioned yet, but Angie has a brother Hugo's age and it has definitely been mentioned that she has a little sister, who is probably around 6 - I've lost track, but I have her age in my notes. So yeah, she's probably wishing they had as much to be excited about on Easter morning as Hugo has. And she's probably worried about how they are spending the Easter holidays and who is looking after them and stuff.

I see the Ron/Hermione argument here as being part of an ongoing thing. Can't you see Ron regularly forgetting when it's his turn to cook, either accidentally OR accidentally-on-purpose? And Hermione constantly nagging him about how unfair it is that she's made dinner five times this week and he's only done it twice? I don't really see either Ron OR Hermione as the type to be too enthusiastic about housework, though Hermione'd DO it because she's something of a perfectionist. And she'd be irritated when Ron doesn't pull his weight. She does seem to secretly enjoy nagging him though.

Dialogue de-Irishised. I might get a chance to get you back when you start writing people like Callaghan.

And yeah, Hugo is a normal ten year old boy in this. Actually both Rose and Hugo are pretty happy - so far. As are James, Albus and Lily - again so far. Apart from Albus's regular worries, but they are relatively minor.

And yeah, Charlie warns them. George wouldn't, but Charlie does.

That's as much as you are going to get about Lydia possibly fancying Teddy, so you can interpret it pretty much as you will. I think it's open to debate whether even she really knows the answer to that one, as she probably wouldn't be too inclined to admit it to herself if she did fancy him, since he has a girlfriend. I think she's pretty likely to get a crush on any guy around her age who is nice to her anyway, since she's a little low on self-esteem and it probably means a lot to her to think somebody is concerned for her.

To be fair, Rose just wants to make sure Angie isn't left out, since she doesn't really know anybody there other than Rose and Albus. And kind of Hugo, but a ten year old probably isn't the greatest company a 13 year old could have. I don't think Angie'd mind, actually, but Rose is sort of the "younger siblings are so annoying and should go away" type, so she wouldn't think of him as being much company for Angie.

Actually, although they'd both probably hate this comparison, Rose is kind of like James in that way - they both, in different ways - sort of do the "I'm WAY too mature for what the younger kids are doing." Whereas Albus doesn't care and is like, "oh, of course, Lily, Hugo and Molly are welcome to join us."

Yeah, Angie refers to stuff like that casually, because it's pretty normal to her. Poor kid. She's pretty resilient though. I mean, yeah, stuff gets to her occasionally and she does feel a bit left out when the other kids are making plans for their holidays and stuff, but look at her in that Transfiguration class where they were turning balloons into footballs or whatever. She's perfectly capable of enjoying herself a lot of the time.

I am REALLY looking forward both to seeing what you make of certain things in the next chapter and how you respond to the reveal. And even more so to something that won't be revealed until somewhat later, when you will probably be appalled at somebody.

Thank you SO much for reviewing.


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Review #3, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: King's Cross Station.

21st November 2014:
Haha, I know people like that. And yeah, the teachers would probably take it seriously.

Aw, brotherly love... *huggles Albus*

Oh yes, three weeks IS forever... until it's over, when you look back and it seems like no time at all.

Ooh, Rose is inviting Angie to stay! *looks forward to seeing what happens* I guess we might get to find out more about Angie!

Aaaand Rose is convinced it's Dora. Still.

Rose is confused. Wow. Yeah, Angie's kind of nervous... that's surprising?

Aww, Hugo. Hermione's being boring. Though the four of them in London IS worrying... Aww, James is being mean. But I'm actually happy with Rose for once for not letting him get away with it. *cheers for Aidan & co* Oh, I don't like Rose again, she's being disparaging of them. "What would blind kids be doing in a museum", indeed! And Arthur... in a muggle museum... yeah, not the best of plans.

You probably want a comma in here: "...his stupid Quidditch, and finally parted."

Ron and Hermione are perfect together. And this is a perfect demonstration of why! Ron's being a bad dad, but he's right that he doesn't have to worry about encouraging Rose to be interested in her education!

Rose - ancient runes and arithmancy - yep, thought so! The Muggle studies thing makes sense... and I think you mentioned something about having a muggle teaching muggle studies, not sure, which would suggest SOMEONE will take it. And Angie for Care of Magical Creatures. I like Angie.

*huggles* Thank you so much for yet another shout-out!

Author's Response: One of my friend's actually said once that a class she had were given this questionnaire including stuff like "do you drink?" and "how often?" and some of them were writing in ludicrous stuff, like that they'd been drinking 5 days a week since they were 13 and stuff and she said she knew they weren't because she'd kind of have noticed if they'd been coming into school after drinking that much. So yeah, kids exaggerate.

Yeah, we might get to see a little more of Angie.

Rose didn't mean to be quite as disparaging as that came out. She was mostly just interested in why it'd be of interest to them. But yeah, it does show she's got a fairly stereotyped view of people with disabilities and just kind of expects that they wouldn't be able to do many normal things.

And yeah, she's REALLY not thinking about how it might feel for Angie to go and stay with complete strangers, in a world she's still a newcomer to.

Will insert comma. *laughs*

Ron probably wouldn't say that stuff if he really thought there was any danger of Rose NOT taking the decision seriously, but as it is, he likes to tease her and Hermione about taking life so seriously. And he likes being the cool dad.

Angie would definitely do Care of Magical Creatures, because it gives a bit of freedom and a chance to mess about. And yup, am thinking of a Muggle teaching Muggle Studies. *plots*

Well, a large part of the story was inspired by yours, so it's only fair I gave you some acknowledgement.


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Review #4, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff.

16th November 2014:
I think they need to get Dora's head looked at. She's laughing for no reason now. *cheers for Blackburn ignoring her*

Aww, Al is cute. And Blackburn seems so much happier and more confident this chapter than she has in the whole of this story so far! I approve.

Why should Rose think? Um, Lydia, I think Rose SHOULD think at least occasionally.

Al, stop asking Rose for Quidditch advice. The more you ask for her advice, the more unbearable she'll get. And urgh, she's not very good at comforting him (unsurprisingly). I think Al should meet Callaghan too.

Oh, Angie's getting mildly irritated with Fionnuala. Can't really blame her. Somehow I doubt Fionnuala's going to notice, though.

"Is there really any point in hanging around longer than we need to?" needs a question mark.

COME ON RAVENCLAW!

Maybe some exclamation marks in your Quidditch commentary - like "And they're off!", and sometimes join with commas or elipses rather than full stops all the time, for variety? Good - realistic - commentary, though.

Aw, Rose doesn't want to get wet. Go on, soak them! Aw, ickle firsties scared of thunder! I like thunderstorms - though I prefer to be indoors for them! Haha, characters getting wet! *sniggers and cheers* (Yes I'm easily amused when sleep deprived).

YAY, RAVENCLAW! *dances*

Poor Scorpius. I like Scorpius.

Hahaha Felicity's drunk. Or at least thinks she's drunk. Rebel Ravenclaws!

Author's Response: Well, Blackburn's now had the potion work twice in a row, so I guess she's relaxing a little bit. She still has a fair few demons to deal with, of course, but she's probably feeling a little better than she did before the full moon, at least.

And come on, you know what Lydia MEANT. Why should she think about how Lydia might be feeling?

I'll correct that missing question mark.

I'm surprised you didn't give out about Rose rolling her eyes at the first years being scared. I thought you'd disapprove of that.

And yes, the first years convincing themselves they are drunk. *laughs*


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Review #5, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Weaving a Web.

5th November 2014:
*shakes Dora hard*

Rose is an idiot. She's convinced it's Dora - AGAIN. And oh no, she can't use the potion as bait... oh OK, she's not going to make it vulnerable or anything. Phew. I wouldn't put it past her to leave it lying out in the open in order to lure Dora in.

Al doesn't like them sticking their noses into other people's business. I actually approve of Rose finding out who's responsible, though. She's doing good things. But she's unbearable with it. Poor Al, putting up with her.

Bossy boots Rose. Stop ordering Al around.

Haha, someone already thought of it. Well obviously other people are going to think of the obvious, even if it takes Rose a while. But NO ONE THOUGHT TO ASK THE GHOSTS? THAT surprises me.

Stop arguing with people for the hell of it, Rose. Nick is sensible.

Actually, it's just occurred to me that Harry's trying to push for Auror reforms and the Draoithe are debating Fianna reforms! And Nick's summed up the difficulties faced by both groups of reformists very nicely.

Yay, Nobby! :D

What MIGHT Peeves do to Fairfax's office? Provided it doesn't prevent them from being able to retrieve the potion when Blackburn needs to take it!

D'aw, Albus is so cute, all proud of being mentioned.

And I can tell exactly why Neville is particularly fond of Nathan!

Oh, Dora's reaction to the news of a test! I TOTALLY haven't joined in complaining about the unfairness of surprise tests... Actually in these circumstances, I'm glad Rose spoke up. It's better than Blackburn having to deal with Dora's complaint herself.

Teehee, Peeves refusing to dismantle the web!

Author's Response: I don't think Rose would be able to get her hands on the potion in order to leave it somewhere out in the open. And I don't think she's that irresponsible anyway, although when she gets an idea into her head, anything is possible. Hermione's idea about leaving hats and stuff lying around so the house elves will be freed, without considering where they'd live or how they'd support themselves if they left Hogwarts was bad enough, and Rose has a touch of Ron's impulsiveness on top of that.

And yeah, poor Al. He does get dragged into things he really doesn't want to deal with. It's more that he's worried than that he doesn't approve of it, although some things he DOESN'T approve of, but he won't speak up to say so. *hugs him* I am fond of my Albus.

And yes, of COURSE McGonagall and the other teachers and Hermione are going to think to ask the portraits outside Fairfax's office to watch out and see if anybody tries to enter. It's not really rocket science and I want to avoid the "all adults are stupid and can't figure out things a 12 year old can" idea.

It was only while I was editing and added in the line about how they shouldn't BE Aurors if they're afraid of risks (the comment about how in a dangerous job, people are going to be more wary of change was the one I realised Rose wouldn't let go without an argument) that I realised how similar that argument was to the one Burke was having with everybody about how nothing about the Fianna should be changed because they are absolutely perfect. I think even Rose would shut up if faced with Burke. He's pretty intimidating.

Yeah, Nobby. I thought you might comment on the speculation about Hermione too.

I hadn't even thought of them not being able to get the potion. Yeah, that wouldn't be good.

And yes, I think Neville's reasons for sympathising with Nathan are obvious to anybody reading. I try to show Neville coming full circle, treating people like Nathan and Blackburn with the compassion that people like Remus showed him when HE needed it, because he knows what it's like to lack self-esteem and he also knows how a person can overcome that and how they can succeed when they are given encouragement to BELIEVE they can. And now I'm reminded of an Irish proverb, "Mol an oige agus tiocaidh siad." It means "praise the young and they will come on." Or "they will achieve" probably expresses it better.

Complaining about surprise tests is totally legitimate and under normal circumstances I don't think Blackburn would give them anyway, but she just really wants to be left alone at that moment. And you can see why she'd want to shut Dora up.

And yes, that was what I meant when I said that Rose arguing in Transfiguration wasn't as bad as it seemed. At least it meant Blackburn got out of responding. Although I think she'd just have ignored the comment anyway.

And did you really think Peeves would just take down the web so Fairfax wouldn't get caught in it? *laughs*


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Review #6, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Protective Potions.

2nd October 2014:
"She couldn't remember whether or not she'd been at breakfast actually." might work better as "She couldn't remember whether or not Felicity'd been at breakfast, actually." It's obvious who all the "she"s are referring to, but it can take a second to process and figure out that one "she" is Rose and the next Felicity.

Rose REALLY has it in for Dora. It doesn't even make sense. Though I guess there is the similarity with the chocolate cauldrons... but seriously, Rose!

You've got a question mark instead of an exclamation mark: "That's exactly what I mean!"

I really don't know who'd try to off a first-year kid either. (Well, who a certain author could convince to do it for them.)

I'm confused. Like Rose, I can't think of any explanations. IT MAKES NO SENSE. I'm sure it will later, when you've actually explained what's going on, but I can't think of any realistic theories.

You might want to put quotation marks around the first "it" here: "...to explain what "it" was or who'd said it."

Yay, Scorpius! I like Scorpius. Poor Al, though, feeling even MORE inferior!

Poor Felicity. Yes, I said it! Poor Felicity. She's an idiot, and I don't like her, but I still feel a little bit sorry for her. And Rose needs to mind her own business and sort out her attitude. I like Lucy.

Abric's dodgy potion, trying to make a couple of easy galleons. That's all there is to it. I was sure there was more to it than that, but that's really the only explanation that would make sense.

Rose apologised to someone! *gasps*

SERIOUSLY, ROSE. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Poor Abric's just had to tell McGonagall everything - and he deserved everything he got from her - and he'll have to face the other Slytherins and all the people he made ill, but to have Rose LYING IN WAIT TO QUESTION AND LECTURE HIM THE MOMENT HE COMES OUT OF MCGONAGALL'S OFFICE. Not appropriate. Mind your own business, Rose. Though stupid Abric deserves to have a nasty time after being so stupid and creating the situation that's going to be horrendous for poor Blackburn to learn of.

Rose being disdainful and "holier than thou" again. Um, I'm pretty sure McGonagall's already told him all that.

I still like Scorpius. He's amazing.

Aaand Rose is dwelling on Dora's swelling solution again. Surprise surprise. And there's a far more plausible explanation for why Dora didn't buy the potion: Dora's not stupid. The potion works on people who know basically nothing about werewolves. Dora might make Blackburn's life hard but she's not scared of her. She just sees the lycanthropy as a weapon to use against Blackburn (partially as revenge for her getting into trouble the previous year), not as something she's really concerned about. She actually knows that full moons are perfectly safe (because Blackburn wouldn't have her job otherwise, and they've had enough of them already), she just convinces others otherwise to make Blackburn's life miserable and increase the chances of Blackburn being fired (because even if she's not the villain, she wants that to happen).

I'm both sorry for and angry with Abric. He's a stupid idiot and he's REALLY going to pay for it.

Though if Abric can get into the potions cupboard, Fairfax REALLY isn't very good at locking up. Hmm... (Yeah, if I come up with more theories, I'll tell you.)

Author's Response: *laughs at your confusion at the beginning of the chapter*

I've now removed that question mark and yeah, you're right; that "it" probably should have quotation marks around it.

*bounces* I SAID I'd make you feel sorry for Felicity. Yeah, she's an idiot, but she's an 11 year old girl who was raised in a pretty prejudiced environment and she's away from home for the first time, so it's hard to blame her for overreacting to things. She needs reassurance rather than dismissal.

And *grins at you commenting that the explanation is the only one that'd make sense* You came close to the solution when you started speculating on Felicity having done something herself and making a mistake.

*laughs* People spent a day feeling terrible and it could probably have been a whole lot worse if he'd inadvertently added something really DANGEROUS and your main concern is that it'll upset Blackburn.

Yeah, Rose's logic doesn't really work there. Especially since there are almost certainly other people who dislike or are scared of Blackburn and didn't buy it. Apart from anything else, she has Potions class with Abric, so she'd probably have an idea of how much his potions were to be trusted. And besides the Notts have their own agendas here and are more in the business of using the whole lycanthropy thing than anything else. Dora sure doesn't seem particularly scared of Blackburn. More the other way around if anything.

I feel the same way about Abric. On the one hand what he did was REALLY dangerous and while he didn't really think of the harm he could do, it WAS pretty selfish. But on the other hand, he really didn't mean any harm and crossing people like Orpington and Montague REALLY isn't a good idea. And he was pretty lucky he wasn't expelled really.


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Review #7, by LeonorePlum Velvet: Blue Leather

25th September 2014:
Hello! Leo is going to break out of her usual habits and actually admit she's been here.

How do you do it? Everything you write is so beautiful. Poetic, even. The way you build the picture slowly, innocent at first and then gradually revealing that it's darker than it seems at first glance.

There's one sentence that doesn't quite read right for me: "They'd like that, I think, and smile; cat-like and contented." The semicolon especially seems to break it in the wrong place, and there's a tiny bit of ambiguity regarding which person the "smile" actually fits with ("they'd smile" or "I smile").

Your descriptions! Argh! They're just SO SO BEAUTIFUL. The room, with the moonlight... it paints this picture, and it's beautiful and creepy at the same time, and I can imagine it perfectly. The bite at the end is in the same style as everything else, and if flows in perfectly, and you're lost in the story and it suddenly occurs to you what's going on and you wonder why you didn't realise earlier.

Chocolate-and-firewhiskey apricot drops. I'm not sure why that stood out to me, but it did. It's such a gorgeous tiny detail. Your writing is full of these tiny details, and maybe that's what makes it so gorgeous.

That ending. Beautiful and creepy. Like the rest of it. The way you've just captured the thoughts and the mood. Shocking things seem natural. Your writing is so beautiful and unique and perfect. TELL ME YOUR SECRETS.

Ahem. Yes, I'm in awe of you.

~ Leo xx

Author's Response: Hey Leo! Haha, no worries about it - I have a habit of reading things and not reviewing, since I'm often multitasking :P Thanks so much for stopping by! It's so great to see you! :)

Gah, thank you so much! I loved writing this - it was difficult, though, building it up, because I wanted to get that innocence at the beginning, and the creepy, dark sort of thing later on, so I'm so glad you liked it!

Ooh, yeah, that does seem a bit weird - thank you so much for pointing it out, I'll go back and edit it to make more sense! Thank you! :)

Thank you again! The room with the moonlight was actually a deleted scene from my Albus/Gellert, haha, but I'd already taken out of that, and it fitted so well in with this, so I edited it a little, and then adapted it into this. I'm so glad the bite worked - I was so nervous that it would seem so out of place!

Haha, I loved including that! I always try to include other senses into things, because I think it's so striking when they are included. So yeah, chocolate-and-firewhisky apricot drops :P

Thank you so so much - I loved writing the ending, and I really wanted it to just be so creepy, even though there's this sort of weirdly sweet, romantic sort of layer to it. I'd tell you if I knew - honestly! But I just have no idea! I just write and sit at home with my fingers crossed! :P

Thank you so so much for the lovely, lovely review - it was such a great surprise to get, and so wonderful for you to break your habit ;) Thank you so much! :D

Aph xx


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Review #8, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Sudden Sickness.

24th September 2014:
Madame Pomfrey says Blackburn will be fine. :D Though that's physically, not mentally.

STOP APOLOGISING, LYDIA. AND STOP SNORTING, DORA, YOU'RE NOT A HORSE. Rose is being nice and sympathetic and for once not getting too distracted by crazy ideas about revenge on Dora. Dora, who's doing Charms homework... and if she fails Transfiguration, Blackburn gets the blame...

Yeah, betting whoever's responsible for the potion failing also nicked the ingredients. And I very much doubt whatever potion's being brewed is going to be entirely innocent. Yeah, and it wasn't James and Robin.

Stop jumping to conclusions, Rose. Just because you don't like Dora.

Yeah, Fairfax really sucks at keeping things locked up.

Now I'm thinking Felicity has something to do with the missing supplies, because Rose thinks she doesn't.

Mind your own business, Rose. And haha, Rose got told. *cheers Kate*

I know you were worried about it but you've done a good job of covering such a long time frame in this chapter.

Oh. Oh no. I can't say this makes me like Felicity (in fact it shows she was only calming down about Blackburn because she thought this mysterious potion would protect her, not because Rose managed to convince her), but the poor kid doesn't deserve to be poisoned. And I'm desperately trying to guess why someone might target her. Maybe to frame Rose or Albus or Blackburn... the logical thing to do would be to read on, so I'll do that...

It's not just Felicity? I'm guessing it's all the people who were really scared about Blackburn. But who... why... I'm trying to come up with insane theories but I don't know, I only know there's a guy involved so not Dora (unless polyjuice, which I really doubt). YOU HAD TO LEAVE IT THERE, DIDN'T YOU? NOW GET ON WITH WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER - YOU CAN'T LEAVE US HANGING LIKE THIS! Oh hang on, you can and you are... I bet you're laughing so hard right now...

Author's note - yay, thank you! *hugs* (Au Clair de la Lune, by the way - you missed the "la", translation I'm using is "By Moonlight" ;) )

All your little hints about this chapter and it was so unexpected and ARGH! Get on with that next chapter! I'm waiting very impatiently because I need to know what's going on!!!

Author's Response: Yeah, Blackburn will be fine physically. The potion didn't even fail this time. It's just been a tough transformation because she's tired and stressed and really didn't need a transformation on top of all that. Mentally might be a bit harder to predict. She has a LOT going on in her head.

I actually laugh every time I read your comment to Dora that she's not a horse. THAT amuses me.

Hmm, yes, Fairfax certainly seems lax about security. Maybe it's because he's so obsessed with his potions that he doesn't notice mundane details like that. Or maybe there's something more to it. Maybe he's not lax about security at all. Maybe somebody's figured out a way past his security. *confuses the issue*

*laughs at your reaction to Kate telling Rose off*

I think you've put together more than Rose has. Although she's busy taking care of Felicity.

Yeah, framing Blackburn seems like something the A.W.L. might do.

I was originally going to put all the stuff about Felicity and the others getting sick into one chapter, then I thought where's the fun in that. I have to give people a chance to speculate.

And you're a great one to talk about cliffhangers.

Like I said, I don't DO French. *laughs*

I was looking forward to your reaction, and that of my other reviewers, to this chapter, as the events are so unexpected. The people who are ill are the last ones you expect to be victims.


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Review #9, by LeonoreFanged Revolution: Chapter the Second

15th September 2014:
Yes! Osbert makes an appearance in this chapter! I'm a sucker for wizarding politicians, and he looks to be an especially interesting one.

I feel like this would flow better, but might just be my personal opinion: "The Auror to whom he told his story followed him dubiously into the alley."

The end of that first section... yeah, that's effective. Really effective. Something is quite clearly wrong. We know what from the story summary, but still effective.

Ah, Septimus Malfoy. His presence makes so much sense.

You might want to capitalise 'head' in order to indicate that it's a title and not Malfoy's head (which I thought it was at first, especially coming straight after the word 'blond') "The tall blond Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement stood to Osbert's right." And I feel like 'Osbert's right' flows better than 'to the right of Osbert' but again, my opinion.

'scum that live there'. Ooh yes. Lovely evidence of his opinions towards a certain segment of society - and his openness about his hatred. To treat them with no respect shows a level of overconfidence (that's not the right word to describe it but it'll have to do).


Septimus Malfoy guides his hatred of vampires. Yes, that makes so much sense. And dirty tactics to get himself the positition of trust... dirty politics, the best kind (in fictional settings, that is). Ah, note Malfoy is the one drafting the bill...

I definitely like Nightstalker. He might have killed the Minister's daughter casually and with no respect for the body or anything, but he's not going to run away from something he's caused. That last section, the dialogue is bang on. Gorgeous descriptions scattered right through, too.

Amazing so far. Well done. I absolutely love the setting you've come up with - originality and dirty politics! Yes!

~ Leo xx

Blue v. Bronze review battle.

Author's Response: Haha, I knew when I saw you posted in the thread that you'd like Osbert. He and Malfoy have a long history together, and Malfoy isn't exactly the nicest of guys (what an understatement).

Yes, something is definitely wrong. Obviously, we know what, but this is still very early in the story.

Septimus Malfoy doesn't really guide Osbert's hatred of vampires as manipulate it for his own purposes. Of course, now that one has killed his daughter, Osbert is a lot less... tolerant, you could say. The real Minister here is Malfoy. Osbert is just a figurehead that he uses to keep the impression that there is democracy.

I think it's a combination of overconfidence and arrogance that is Malfoy's problem. It's the same attitude that is displayed by his descendants in Harry Potter's era, as well as the rest of the pure-blood supremacists: "I am better than you. Deal with it." Of course, that always starts problems when the group that is supposed to be inferior takes matters into their own hands.

Nightstalker isn't going to run away, once he faces the fact that this gigantic mess is his fault. He has a... shall we say antagonistic relationship with Septimus Malfoy, basically a more violent version of Arthur Weasley and Lucius Malfoy, which comes into play later. (In fact, Malfoy accuses him of being a coward to get him going. Oops... a small spoiler.)


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Review #10, by LeonoreFanged Revolution: Chapter the First

7th September 2014:
Hi! Leo here from BvB.

I love the premise for this story. I've never seen anything like it before, and this is an amazing first chapter. Really well done.

I've got a suggested revision of a sentence, mainly for reasons of tenses: "He'd viciously defeated Septimus Malfoy in a duel, so now the entire Auror force was out looking for him."

Scene well explained. And that encounter with the woman at the end - that's brilliantly written. I can feel the instincts in him, the draw to bite, the fact that while in many ways he's like a man he's also very different. Carefully chosen words get some great tension up. And that line "The horror on her face made him angry." Yes, I can imagine why that would make him angry. There's a certain amount of sympathy, despite what he's doing.

Caught a little typo, in the second to last line - it should be "and slept the SLEEP of the content."

Ooh, amazing final sentence.

Brilliant. And really original.

~ Leo xx

Author's Response:

Hi Leo!

About the sentence revision, and the typo: I thought I caught all the errors. Guess not.
*frowns*

I'm glad you thought the scene was explained well. I spent quite a bit of time on it, so it's nice to see positive feedback :)

Having someone being horrified at Nightstalker just because of something he couldn't control would definitely have made him mad. When I get my muse back I'll go more in-depth into his backstory, about how he became a vampire, and his motivations, but for now I'll just respond to reviews. Stupid writer's block. *sighs*

Thanks for the lovely review!

~Olivia


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Review #11, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Ghostly Information.

7th September 2014:
OK. So you've been hinting at dire things. And I'm about to find out what...

Oh no, those two are talking. One's bad enough, but both Dora and Felicity together?

That Felicity kid is an idiot. I blame the mother.

NO, ROSE, NO. DON'T SAY IT. NO.

She said it. Rose is an idiot. OK, whatever I predicted, I didn't expect that. I didn't expect her to actually tell anyone that it was Dora last year. Rose needs to think before she opens her mouth. Seriously. She's going to regret this later.

Don't let the potion fail. Don't let the potion fail...

Rose is still being an idiot and needs to shut up right now.

She's still bitter about Albus? Yeah, I can see why. But she's actually admitted it to herself, while I think she was above that before. She's admitted to herself that she's determined to prove Dora's involvement for vengeance and not just because she thinks it's the most likely option. And she doesn't even seem to be feeling guilty about it.

Yay, the sweets! That must be a pretty big owl, 'cause they ordered quite a lot.

Aww, Fionnuala's off in her own world. She's still my second favourite character. OK, I probably shouldn't let on to you about that, but I've mentioned it before anyway...

The Grey Lady keeping her company? That is an amazing idea. One I'd never have thought of. Well done McGonagall. *cheers*

YES THE POTION WORKED!

Oh. Poor Blackburn. Vicious cycles - bad transformation means she worries more about the next, so is tired and the transformation is worse...

I love your characterisation of the Grey Lady. Spot on.

Nobody likes Dora. But Rose doesn't deserve to have people like her the way she's acting now either.

*hugs Blackburn* Aww, yay, at least she knows someone cares now.

"Well, almost everybody." NO ROSE. Rose needs to keep her mouth shut and leave the talking to Angie. Chance would be a fine thing.

Sugar. Yes, Blackburn needs sugar. That will make everything alright. And don't try to tell me otherwise, 'cause I'm not going to listen.

"There was something about Madame Pomfrey that made obey any instruction she gave immediately." - spot the missing word!

I've decided I'm not going to hurt you. I like the ending, and even if you're an evil person at least you're not being all mean to Blackburn and she at last knows people care and I'm a bit worried about why Pomfrey's here and I'm sure that's what you want but it's as happy an ending as I can hope for and a lot happier than I expected. I've decided the potion is just for energy or a calming draft or something innocent and to be expected which will help her. And that IS all it is. I will refuse to accept it being anything more serious.

Summary: Rose is an idiot and she's going to regret saying all that. Angie is awesome. Fionnuala is also awesome, in a different way. And Blackburn is not as badly off as I was expecting from your hints.

I like this chapter. You said I wouldn't, but I do. It is maybe my favourite chapter, even though you said I wouldn't like it, because I interpret that as a nice ending. Rose is an idiot and is going to regret saying so much, but whatever, it's only Rose and I don't like Rose.

It's really well written to, and things like the moment Blackburn takes out the sugar quill and stuff are small but perfect. 'Clawesome.

Don't know how to end this review. Oh well, you know I'm random by now...

Bye.

Author's Response: OK, I've inserted the missing word, so that's that sorted.

And yeah, I probably made this chapter out to be a little worse than it really was. I just thought you mightn't be too pleased to see Blackburn unwell.

To be fair, Felicity could find out from just about anybody about Dora being behind what happened the previous year, as it's pretty well-known. Most of the Ravenclaws from 2nd years up would have figured out who'd lost them the points and Scorpius was passing it around too.

And yeah, she sorted of admitted it's Albus she's concerned about more than Blackburn, but doesn't seem to notice that that means she's not really stopping to think whether or not there's even any evidence Dora is involved in whatever might be going on this year.

And yes, I was thinking "the poor owl", but they seem to deliver a fair amount in the books, so it's one of those things I figure I can justify by canon. And the fact they are magic and the parcel could probably be enchanted to weigh less.

The Grey Lady thing was yet more stuff I planned about Blackburn's off-screen time. After all, she was pretty upset before the full moon and probably shouldn't have been alone. She'd probably get herself pretty worked up, waiting for the transformation to take place. OK, she was going to do that anyway, but it might help a bit to have somebody to talk to. And I thought the Grey Lady being the Ravenclaw ghost and a young woman, probably around Blackburn's age or a bit younger, wouldn't be a bad choice (I mean, around Blackburn's age when she died - clearly she's been around about a thousand years. And then I thought I should make some reference to it here.

And I'm glad you think I characterised her well. It was one of the things I found hard. I was even questioning whether she would put herself out like that, but she does seem like a nice person behind her reserved persona.

And yeah, Angie sort of knows what it's like to be stressed out, so she's a little more careful about what she says than Rose is, as Rose has had a comparatively easy life.

And yes, sugar might help Blackburn, either because of the energy boost or just because it might make her feel a little better, psychologically.

I will reassure you there's nothing too serious about the potion Madame Pomfrey brought her. It's probably slightly more serious than the options you're hoping for, but not by much. She's just generally feeling pretty unwell from a combination of stress and the effects of the transformation, but she'll be fine in a couple of days.


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Review #12, by LeonoreEmpty Promises: Out of the Shadows

5th September 2014:
Hiya! Leo here from BvB!

First up, I love your opening. There's this immediate sense that there's something different, more mature, about the MC than the people around them. And that line, "I take another sip", is so effective.

Absolutely gorgeous description. These little lines which just create a picture. Of Rose, the cigarette, the atmosphere of the party...

Wow. The sudden change in atmosphere when James turns up and ruins everything. I really caught the anger. And that "Bang!" in the middle, so sudden, absolutely no warning!

You have a beautiful style here, really lovely to read, incredible descriptions. It flows so nicely, and I can't really think of anything to pick up on!

~ Leo xx

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Review #13, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Shocks and Sugar Quills.

15th August 2014:
Right. I have my teddy bear. You've been scaring me about this chapter.

Um, uh oh. This is really not a promising start.

Missing apostrophe - "From the looks on her classmates' faces,"

Dora's smirking again. Surprise surprise.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BLACKBURN? CUT THE SUSPENSE!

*laughs at Neville having dropped his wand*

I would expect a question mark here, to indicate the way it's spoken: "Yes, Rose?"
Missing word: "...and that if she just waited..."

Phew. I mean I don't like that Blackburn's not sleeping well but at least Dora isn't directly responsible (again).

Oh. Oh no. Here's the bit you were talking about.

"Rose had the impression she was quite stressed." This sentence isn't really necessary. The previous sentence shows very effectively that Blackburn's stressed, so you don't need to state it explicitly. In fact stating it like that detracts a little from the effect.

Oh no, she's blaming herself for being on edge. Vicious circles.

That kid is unbelievable: "On edge about what, Professor?" Dora asked slyly. "Turning into a werewolf tonight?"
Good response from Blackburn, at least. But really? Dora is a disgusting creature with no sense of decency.

Missing word: "Can you just get on with your transfigurations, please?"

Punctuation: "How could anybody, even Dora, ask something so hurtful?"

"She looked pretty upset." Well duh! Genius, Rose. Maybe more effective to "show, not tell"? Although why I'm encouraging you to torture her in even more description I don't know. Plenty of that already. But yes, write what makes her look pretty upset to Rose, rather than simply stating it.

DORA IS SMIRKING AGAIN. HEX HER, ROSE. But then Blackburn would have to give Rose detention. But Rose would then have time alone with Blackburn to maybe talk to her. Blackburn would probably feel so much guilt about having to give Rose detention for protecting her, but she'd do it because that's her job (and Dora would get her fired otherwise). But Rose could point out she didn't care, that it was worth it. But then Blackburn would feel the professional sense that she hadn't given an appropriate punishment. But... ARGH, THIS IS CONFUSING. JUST HEX DORA, ROSE, AND NOT IN FRONT OF BLACKBURN.

HEX HER

No, Rose. Don't mention Dora's parentage. That would just be hypocritical.

NO BLACKBURN, STOP FEELING GUILTY ABOUT BEING TENSE. IT'S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE. *squished Blackburn in a giant hug*.

"I think Blackburn's pretty stressed," GENIUS, Rose. I mean seriously.

Chocolate. Yes, she needs chocolate. Aww, they're all so sweet. PLEASE DON'T LET THIS GO WRONG. CAN THIS PLEASE JUST BE A NICE GIFT?

Fionnuala made a good suggestion. That's character development! She's aware of what's going on! Nathan's still stumbling around, though! Aww, they're so cruel to him. :P

"a small pile of gold" - if they've only got 14 sickles and 5 knuts, the pile is mostly silver, no gold. (Technicalities :P )

Fionnuala is very involved in this! Fully awake and conscious and making very sensible suggestions! (CHOCOLATE!!!)

Yay, it hasn't lead to disaster! (at least not yet) Those kids are so sweet. Please can this make Blackburn happy? Or at least a bit less miserable? Pretty please? *Dobby eyes* (Apparently Dobby eyes work on JKR herself; so they must work on you too, right?)

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for this awesome review. *hugs you*

I've corrected those mistakes. I don't usually make so many. I just ended up rewriting most of this chapter as a lot of it sounded REALLY bad the first time and then got so fed up with it that I couldn't be bothered editing properly. So I knew there'd be a few words and punctuation missing, but I decided to post it anyway. *laughs* I've been working on this chapter for a couple of weeks, so got to a point beyond caring.

The parts about Rose thinking she's stressed or upset were more to show what Rose is worrying about, but you're right; apart from anything else, it flows better if I leave out that "Rose had the impression she was quite stressed" line, so I've removed it. Plus, there are too many of those comments. Something else I'd have noticed if I'd read it through in one go, rather than writing a few hundred words at a time.

*prods self over the gold/silver thing* I actually meant to check that, but forgot.

And yes, Blackburn is working herself up into a complete state, isn't she? But you know, it's one of the hard parts of being a teacher (and one you don't think of until you're in the situation) - you're supposed to be the adult and the person responsible, which can add extra pressure if you're already stressed or upset about something.

Hmm, I'm not entirely sure about Blackburn's response. In a way, it is letting Dora know how much it's getting to her.

Oh, believe me, a certain amount of that stuff about Blackburn seeing Rose hex Dora occurred to me too. I definitely think she'd be torn between knowing that as their teacher she should punish Rose, being grateful that at least somebody is concerned about her and feeling guilty for having set the whole thing in motion, so to speak. And I think that if Rose said it was worth it, she'd both think Rose was just saying that and also that she should be discouraging her from thinking that way.

I agree it would be hypocritical to give away Dora's family background and while there are many things Dora should be blamed for, her family isn't exactly something she can help. Rose just finds it hard to keep quiet Dora is mocking others for not mentioning stuff, when she isn't herself. And Rose can be somewhat impulsive.

*laughs at your comment that Blackburn needs chocolate*

And do you really think I'd make them giving her sweets go wrong? *grins evilly* No, seriously, that is just a gift, that's all. I'm not even sure how it COULD go wrong.

You really expect me to be consistently nasty, don't you? With good reason, I expect.


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Review #14, by LeonoreThe New Pride of Portree: Friends Again

6th August 2014:
Hmm, has Mariah given up or is she planning something? So she was shocked to find out that Fitz and Molly were actually serious... but I'd almost say jealousy is more likely than acceptance in that situation. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Ooh, Fitz does care about Mariah. If he'd really moved on, he wouldn't be wanting revenge or being keen to not look at her. It's that it's revenge for the affairs - not just for being the cause of his injury. I guess it might be a pride thing, that he's embarrassed that she wasn't happy with him but felt the need to have those affairs. *shrugs* Well, something tells me there's going to be some Mariah trouble later.

Good ol' Percy. Getting thing sorted out. And making Fitz actually think about Molly's feelings rather than just making assumptions. I love the way he hints at his own experience of coming back into the family for the battle.

Love the cottage pie thing - it's just so normal and relatable.

Molly and Fitz, just friends? Mmm, not sure about that. No, Molly, you're more than friends, as everyone except you can tell...

I'm half surprised that nobody made a sarcastic comment about Hilarion "watching" the game on the wireless. I guess it's not my family, and they aren't really in the mood for picking up on technicalities like that.

Hilarion's so sweet.

Hold the baby. The cure for everything :)

Love it, as always.

~ Leo xx

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Review #15, by LeonoreHead Girl Evans: Lily

1st August 2014:
Hi Grace! Dropping by from BvB!

That list of all the ways she's been bullied... poor Lily! And worried that she's not a Gryffindor because she runs away, because even though she knows logically that it's the sensible thing to do she's still got that doubt that maybe it makes her a coward.

Something I spotted: "when the meeting resumed" - as it hasn't get begun, I think you mean "began" ("resumed" implies there's a break in the middle of the meeting).

Yes, Lily! Definitely a proper Gryffindor! Bravery isn't necessarily about standing up for yourself and picking fights. It's about refusing to give up and sticking to your beliefs no matter what, and that's what she does. She deserves that badge.

A general comment - some of your sentences drag on quite a lot and can be a bit confusing. Maybe break them up a bit? A lot of the long ones, it's just a case of having the right punctuation to make it work, like this one I'd makes something like: "She couldn't question him about why he'd been chosen as her partner - the meeting was due to start any minute. She could express her shock for as long as she wanted afterwards."

Yes, Lily! Well and truly in charge. She showed those bullies what she's capable of! And in regards to your A/N - nope, not dark! I'd say it's happy, not pure fluff but very positive. Just keep an eye on your sentence length and punctuation to keep the flow smooth. Otherwise, lovely story! And great choice of topic!

~ Leo xx

Author's Response: Hey Leo! Thank you for stopping by and I'm glad that I caught you in Crit mode.

I can't really blame Lily for having that doubt that running away from the threat because she's from Gryffindor and I don't doubt that she had heard people say that running away from a threat made you a coward and that would've probably stuck with her.

I took your suggestions about the sentences and I cut some of them up into two sentences to make them shorter.

Lily is my baby so I really wanted to write about her overcoming the trouble that she must've gone through while attending Hogwarts.

Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #16, by LeonoreThe New Pride of Portree: Widdershins

26th July 2014:
Hi! Dropping by with another classic Leo-review (nonsensical rambling and all)

I LOVE the superstitions bit in the middle, and the comparison to 'The Scottish Play'.

Ooh, awkward parents/Fitz stuff!

Poor Fitz. Practically the first thing anyone mentions to him is his shoulder. And he screwed up in front of Molly's family.

Yay, Prides! Haha, Jinks and "Chariots of Fire". Definitely a good move on Fitz's part, showing them those films. And they get on so amazingly, with their inside jokes and friendly insults.

Great press interview technique - "please don't print that" "don't print that" "or that". If it was anyone but Ginny...

Yes! Don't let Rakes get away with it. Though if he hadn't cursed Fitz then Fitz and Molly probably wouldn't have ended up as coach and captain...

Fitz + Molly = :D

I think you're the only author who's made me really care about the romantic side of the story. I guess this one works for me because their relationship is pretty complicated - injury, manager, temper, OCD, being coach and captain, worrying about the team, and of course the parents. It actually seems realistic, which is something I hardly ever feel.

By the way, I'm jealous of them getting to spend so much time on Skye. I went camping a few years ago, just for a couple of days, and it is the loveliest place. It may have helped that in out week going round Scotland, we had the best weather for those days, but even ignoring that it's lovely.

Yeah, it genuinely does rain a lot in Scotland. Not all the time, but a lot. And they get a lot of snow in winter. Though there are many days when it's beautifully sunny, there are also many with atrocious visibility due to light rain/mist.

And Brits do talk about the weather a lot. It's not just a cliche. I am living proof (and I'm not the only one obsessed with it, either) :)

~ Leo xx

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Review #17, by LeonoreThe Rise of the A.W.L.: Howling at the Moon.

22nd July 2014:
*gathers Blackburn into a big hug* You're not having her back unless you promise to play nicely! *glares*

Yes! That bacon! They definitely did deserve it.

"Roosters aren't animals," she pointed out. "They're birds."
Honestly, Rose... Considering the official scientific definition of an "animal" (with assistance, as ever, from Wikipedia): Animals are multicellular, eukaryotic organisms of the kingdom Animalia (also called Metazoa). Animals are divided into various subgroups, including vertebrates (birds, mammals, amphibians, reptiles, fish). Roosters are birds. Therefore Rose is actually incorrect: roosters ARE animals (just not mammals).

Ahem. Yes. I have a habit of picking out things like that (I wrote a short essay brit-picking on washing machines in a review for someone not that long ago).

Poor Scorpius. He's making stupid decisions, but I can see why. I suppose you can make his life hard, and Angie's, and anyone else's you feel like, but I'm keeping Blackburn. *glares again*

I want to say at least Dora'll fail Transfiguration, but then she'd blame Blackburn and there'd be charges of incompetence not just of being a werewolf.

Haha, Binns is a useless teacher.

I'm all caught up now :D (I just reviewed this chapter not the next one because what I have more to say about it specifically). Bye bye! *waves*

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you for this review. It made me laugh out loud and cheered me up on a somewhat stressful day.

And I LOVE your nitpicking. LOVE you proving Rose wrong. You need to have a conversation with her. She needs to be proven wrong occasionally, I think. She's a little too sure of herself. And Albus isn't sure ENOUGH of himself. *laughs*

Please feel free to Brit-pick anything that isn't quite right in these stories. Sentence structure is what can be most difficult actually as I am progressively beginning to reaise we use a fair bit of Irish-language sentence structure directly translated into English, one of the most obvious being "I'm after doing..." instead of "I have done..." I once spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out how non-Irish people would say "it's after snowing." "It has snowed?" "It's has been snowing?" "It's snowed?"

Scorpius was actually about the hardest character for me to characterise, as it seems like both the idea of him being a repeat of Draco and the idea of him being completely different and having to prove himself have been used so often. I've seen both done fantastically, but that's the point. I didn't want to just copy something I'd already seen somebody else do. I guess he is different and trying to prove himself a bit in this, but mostly he's too caught up in Quidditch to even bother about proving himself.

And I liked the idea of a Slytherin who is ambitious in a non-typical way. It's not wealth he wants or to be the centre of attention, but rather to excel in his chosen area. We haven't seen much of that kind of ambition in the series, probably because most of the main characters - Harry, Ron, Sirius, Hagrid - are rather biased against Slytherins.

And yeah, Dora and her father would probably blame Blackburn if she fails Transfiguration. She can't really win on that one, because if she tries to make Dora work, she's setting herself up for hassle. Of course what she SHOULD do is report Dora whenever she makes comments. And people like Flint too. But considering she can barely hear the word "werewolf" without getting upset, I don't think she'd find it too easy to discuss their behaviour.

And yes, Binns is useless.

Thanks again.


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Review #18, by LeonoreThe New Pride of Portree: Let Us Break A Few Heads

12th July 2014:
I thought I'd finally let you know that I'm reading and loving this story. I found it during diadem voting, then a few days later opened about ten tabs with different chapters to read while stuck waiting in a place with no internet. It definitely kept me from getting bored!

OK, I read this chapter and went to watch a bit of the World Cup third-place play-offs before reviewing and found myself just sitting there watching and thinking "Falcons" every time the Brazilians fouled (which was a lot, even in just half an hour). Although unlike the Prides, the Dutch seem to be pretty good at keeping their play clean (I may be biased, being 1/4 Dutch...). Anyway, going off on a slight tangent. I like tangents. *Insert dumb mathematical ramble here*

Yay, Molly and Fitz! Ignore managers and ex-wives and all of that. This fic has the perfect balance of romance and other stuff. Just romance really isn't my thing, but there's so much backstory and other factors and complications and their relationship is more than just "she is so beautiful and I gaze into her eyes and feel something stir inside me and we are soulmates" but all of the arguments and her kind of looking after him and worrying about him and then feeling guilty because the manager says no relationships in the team and trying to keep it secret and... *list gets out of hand* And then all the training and match details, not blow-by-blow accounts because that would get boring but all of the key events and bits of information like drills and archive footage and fouls and seeker search patterns and stuff. But yeah, action and drama and angst and Molly's OCD as well as well as the romance. And technical details! I LOVE technical details! (Like all of the medical stuff.)

Just like any muggle professional sports team, with the management and coaching and the healer team. And the ice baths and painkillers and everything. I love the way they've got the team drinking culture, going to the pub and having too much and all that. They're not perfect, they don't sacrifice everything to play on the team, they're people who happen to love Quidditch, be amazing at it, and do it for a career.

Urgh, I hate Rakes. It's one thing for it to be some random member of the public... OK, that would be horrendous too, to attack just because their team was being beaten. But he was already in the wrong being with Fitz's wife and then he convinces himself he's being wronged in some way - or just curses Fitz because he's used to getting his own way, or just wants an excuse. Whatever, it's horrible.

Good old Ron. He scared Fitz a bit talking about the Cannons, but he doesn't really hold a grudge. (To be honest if he held a grudge against every player who played against and beat the Cannons he'd have a lot of grudges). And he lets Molly know about the fight so she can come pick him up, knowing it's not worth a scandal.

Now I want to know why Rose and the random guy are covered in treacle. There has to be a story in that...

Yay, the Prides won! *doesn't actually dance round room celebrating because that would be a bit weird and my family might notice, especially as it's past 11pm* I like Hugo. That's all I'm going to say about him. All your characters are amazing. OK a couple are amazingly unpleasant, but they're all nice and complicated and like real people.

I hope you like long inane rambly reviews with lots of tangents. I am in that mood. And I'm making it long because this review partly covers my love of the whole story so far not just this chapter.

OK, I have no idea how much of that consists of my random comments and how much is actually relevant to, well, anything. Shall I stop talking (typing) now? ;)

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #19, by LeonoreHC Event 3: The Last Time: The Last Time

12th July 2014:
Hi Amy!

Awww. And yay! And awww again. I love the moment you've chosen to do! Sad, that he never went back to the shop after Fred's death, but at least he kept on inventing - which I would actually expect to be harder. I mean the shop is just a shop, but inventing is something they always did together. But then he doesn't have to go to the shop, and he does have to keep inventing if he doesn't want it to close.

Some of your sentences need some extra commas to break them up, like this one: "He opened his eyes and pushed himself into a sitting position, which was easier to do than he had expected." Just to make them a bit easier to follow.

Um, I think I'll have to ask you to explain the joke because I've thought a bit and I can't see it. "Pre-gorgeous" Yeah, probably me being slow ;)

I LOVE THE ENDING SO MUCH. Together again. Forever. Yay!

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: I couldn't see him stopping altogether, even if Fred is gone. He would want to keep the shop alive even if he couldn't stand to be there.
I shall keep an eye out in the future for missing commas!
Drop-dead gorgeous. It's a terrible joke and you're not the only one who didn't get it :P
Thank you!


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Review #20, by LeonoreSolace: Comfort

12th July 2014:
'm all sad now. Poor Oliver, poor Katie. Absolutely beautiful descriptions, natural-sounding dialogue. And the first section is too sad.

Gorgeous characterisations - they're such normal people, Oliver all awkward asking her out, the nurses not superheroes knowing exactly what to do but scared of anything new. I love how Oliver just talks about Quidditch, not knowing what else he can mention. He doesn't know what else to talk about so he just falls back on Quidditch as a safe option. And she reminds him that she wants to know about other things too, like how her friends are.

I WANT A NIFFLER. It's so cute! All fluffy and calm and snuffling around.

Sad and beautiful and sweet and 10/10.

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey Leo!

Yeah, I always try to make my characters as normal as possible. I read back my dialogue and see if I can picture it coming out of the character's mouth or if it flows naturally, the way normal speech would.

Glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks!

-Amanda


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Review #21, by LeonoreOutsmarting Umbridge: Outsmarting Umbridge

10th July 2014:
"The Haggis is on the fire now". I love that - a nice demonstration of her Scottish roots. Poor McGonagall, and well done her for trying to remain professional and follow the rules. And she can remember the numbers of the decrees! I suppose she has to know so she can warn students of violating them.

And the fact she's protecting her House. They broke the rules, but she's sticking with them. And good old Flitwick, offering to take the blame. Umbridge deserved that Canary Cream - you've presented her as suitably ghastly and right in character.

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #7

Author's Response: Thanks!! I read on Pottermore that she was a hatstall between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, so her intellect and memory would make it easy for her to remember the decrees. Plus, I can only imagine what staff meetings were like under Dolores.

And Flitwick? Yeah, I have no problem imagining him trying to outsmart Dolores. Especially film Flitwick, and that little hand gesture he did when the Weasley twins made their exit.


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Review #22, by LeonoreHave a Biscuit, Lupin: Have a Biscuit, Lupin

10th July 2014:
Hi Lisa

This is perfect in so many ways, there's no surprise at all that it won overall! Seriously, I'm jealous of your writing.

Their relationship... just the right level of complexity. Ex-student - I adore how he can't call her by her first name, and how she doesn't force him to, and how he can't help but feel nervous sitting in her office. And the professional side, as colleagues - talking about lessons, in particular the extra ones he's giving Harry, and referring to Snape politely as a colleague. And then the friendship that grows, the way she looks after him when all of that stuff happens. It starts off cute and quickly gets sad, and all the way through is that little bit of normality: the biscuit. A truly great friendship. Gah, can you share your talent please?

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #7

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Review #23, by LeonoreThe Last Tomorrow: The Last Tomorrow

10th July 2014:
It's just sooo sweet! Little baby Teddy, with his changing-colour hair.

The way Remus refers to the moon like it's capitalised, The Moon. He's afraid of it, and kind of fascinated. Remus is one of my favourite characters (he was my absolute favourite, but I'd have to give that to Hugo in my novel now). It's such an interesting situation, the way he's stuck with Lycanthropy, hating that part of him and terrified of passing it on, desperate but also afraid to be accepted. Anyway, I'm waffling now.

You've captured him beautifully, and that ending... I know he was reluctant to marry Tonks, and he tried to run away when he found out that she was pregnant, but he had to go back and despite all of his fears he's happy to have the baby. Really, really sweet.

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #7

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Review #24, by LeonoreA Child's Cry: A Child's Cry

9th July 2014:
Meh. Can't even...

I read this a while ago, voting for the diadems, but that description of George at the end just gets me. And of Molly as well. The pair of them. Gah.

Going back... haha, I love how the descriptions of their first cries indicates their later characters. And Molly, calmly understanding them. I like that little touch that she had complications during the pregnancy - she didn't just pop out kid after kid, she had difficulties like any other woman. And she found it easier with practise (ie. when it came to Ginny) suggesting she didn't get the hang of it straight away.

Beautiful, happy then so sad at the end! Excuse me while I go cry.

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #5

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it, both then and now +]

I don't think anyone just get's the hang of it right away. And every baby is different, so you end up just trying to figure out which shortcuts work best for everyone. (Oldest of 8 siblings by 7 years. I had PB&Js down to a science!)

Haha. It's ok. My hubby only read it once, and refuses to read it again. +] Thank you so much for this review!


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Review #25, by LeonoreThe Riddle of Lord Voldemort.: The Riddle of Lord Voldemort.

9th July 2014:
Helllo! It's ME! (I know, me actually reviewing, shock horror!)

Today is not a "coherent" day, sorry in advance. This is not going to flow at all.

Voldemort seems so normal, so logical, and it's the calm way his ambitions are presented that gets to me. His calm belief that muggles are beneath wizards. Urgh, this shows it rather clearly. "He wanted to be more than human; more even than a wizard." Wizards are more than humans.

"Lord Voldemort was the smartest boy in my class" - haha, yes! Definitely not the reputation he's looking for!

Just catching a comma which I don't think should be there, after the word "although" in this sentence: "It sounded slightly disrespectful, although, of course it pleased him that people did know who." And perhaps it could do with a little more detail on his rebirth, on how he feels when he's inhabiting the snakes in Albania.

But I really like your characterisation, on a character I see a lot of people struggling with. His calm certainty of his own superiority (ignore my grammar, I'm speed reviewing). He's often portrayed in a slightly mad way, but he's charming on the surface while entirely sure of himself inside. And his pride in being a descendant of Salazar Slytherin! That's definitely very important to him, and I really like the way that's mentioned at various points right through the story.

A joy to read, like all of your stuff!

~ Leo xx

House Cup 2014 - Educational Decree #5

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. *grins*

I'll take out that comma. Actually, I'll do it after responding to this, before I forget.

Characterising him for this story felt easier than it should have. Actually, I think this might interest you, he comes across as a textbook case of RAD to me, although I wrote this story before I even heard of RAD, so it hasn't much to do with that.

I was thinking of the fact Tom Riddle grew up in the English equivalent of an industrial school and while I don't think things were as bad there as here, nonetheless books like Agatha Christie's show that orphans were pretty much looked down on there too. Miss Marple's employing of young girls from the orphanage as servants is pretty much seen as charitable, although she likely couldn't afford a maid otherwise.

So imagining how it would feel for somebody who was looked down upon by all of society to then find out they belonged in another world where they were descended from one of its most famous historical characters and where those who looked down on them are themselves looked down upon. I think it is easy to see how he could have bought into that.

Although of course, it's not an excuse. He could just as easily have decided he'd never look down on anybody, knowing how it felt when people looked down on him.

Thanks again. I'm glad you enjoyed it.


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