Reading Reviews From Member: Cannons
174 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CannonsThe Quiet Outcast: Hugo Weasley: Part II

29th March 2014:

I don't normally leave reviews if I'm honest but it would have been rude if I hadn't on this amazing story.

It's hard to find a story that I can't put down on here atm so I was so pleased when I found this one! I saw your blog post on the forums (congrats on 10 years btw!) so I thought I'd have a look at it and I'm so pleased I did!

I loved Hugo and how he isn't like any main character I've read, he isn't a natural leader, star Qudditch player or insanely popular, he's just himself and that's the best bit about him. I was rooting for him throughout the whole story.

All off your characters are relatable and believable, which is what made it seem so real to me.

I really do wish you would write more about Hugo and the others! Good luck with getting published I know you can do it.



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Review #2, by CannonsWalk the Line: 1.2: Amelia

11th March 2014:
Put me out of my misery and put another chapter up please! This is amazing

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Next chapter should only be a couple of days away, I hope to see you back!

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Review #3, by CannonsHer Love: Scars

2nd March 2014:
Holy Snap!

That was deep.

Ok, I loved it, I love the idea that Lavender survives and I love how you haven't made it a fairy tale ending for her. I mean it is in a way but the day to day mental fights she must have with herself over her looks must be absolutely draining.


Author's Response: Hello!

Oh well thank you! Yes, well, how could it ever be a fairy tale ending for her with what's she's been through? And yes, all that is definitely exhausting, but at least she had Juno!

Thank you so much for this amazing review!

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Review #4, by CannonsManor of Secrets: The Library

2nd March 2014:
Hi, I'm reviewing this for 'Blackout Bingo'

At first I got a bit confused as to why Regulus would be alive in 1922 but I soon checked that out and now I understand!

I always like a good mystery which is why I clicked on this. I like the choice of name for Shafiq it sounds very grand and defiantly someone the Blacks would associate themselves with.

Your description was really good, especially in the first paragraph it was a brilliant introduction to the story, really grabbing the reader in.

I love the competition between the two brothers, it seems so natural.

Good luck in the challenge


Author's Response: I completely forgot to clarify that in my Authors Note, so thank you for pointing that out!

I'm really glad you liked it. It really means a lot to me, and thank you for the lovely review.

x Ely

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Review #5, by CannonsKnowledge (to know, or not to know?): to know, or not to know?

2nd March 2014:
Hey, I'm reading and reviewing this for 'Blackout Bingo'

WHAT! How can this be completed? How can this be completed!? This was crazy, dark and absolutely fantastic.

I need to know more about here, who is she? You mentioned 'red hair' are you implying she was a Weasley? If so which one?

I love how through 500 or so words you've managed to bring her on a journey for just wanting knowledge for 'pleasure' and then she sorts of shifts to a darker side by enjoying having knowledge that nobody else has.

This was really graphic and subtle, yes subtle. This isn't over. Write a novel surrounding this!


Author's Response: Hello!
-blushes- You are far too kind.
Yes! I was implying she's a Weasley. I know I didn't mention it in the story, it just didn't quite ever feel right to, but in my head she's Rose.
Funnily enough, I wrote this one-shot because I have always wanted to write a novel about this, but I've never quite gotten around to it. In my head, she's also a Ravenclaw, and I've always wanted to write about an evil Ravenclaw, and I still hope I will one day. Because while knowledge can be amazing, it can also be misused.
Thank you so much for this lovely review :)

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Review #6, by CannonsDamaged: Back To Hogwarts

2nd March 2014:
Hey, I'm reviewing this for 'Blackout Bingo'

This was a really, really, really interesting start. I'm not in to next gen much I have to say because I get confused with who's who and what not because I don't normally read it, but this was a really great read.

I like reading about how characters cope with different situations such as the death of a loved one, so it was quite interesting that she couldn't find comfort in her friends at Hogwarts and actually transferred to Beauxbatons. So it will be interesting too see how she adjusts now that she is going back to Hogwarts where she fell apart.

Your writing was easy to read and smooth, although I did notice a couple of typo's at the start but naturally I can't find them now!

I'm going to add this to my reading list so I can read on! :D


Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much. I don't even know what came over me when I started writing this story. I just started and in one day I got three chapters. I honestly don't know how this story is going to continue but thanks so much for the review. It really helps a lot. :)

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Review #7, by CannonsIn the Bleak Midwinter...: Part I: The Unexpected Visitor

2nd March 2014:
Hey, I'm reviewing this for the 'Blackout Bingo'

You have given beautiful imagery of a perfect evening with the cold outside and the piano playing. You have also added details that I really enjoy in fanfiction like 'wizard novels' such as which James was reading.

I don't usually read AU so I was a little confused as to what was happening and was outraged that James would even suggest that he didn't love Lily but once I realised it was AU I calmed down and was intrigued.

The twist at the end was perfect although the fact that he hadn't seen Sirius in years made me a little sad.

beautiful imagery throughout, the only thing I would suggest on is lengthening out the chapter because it was to short and I wanted to know more!


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Review #8, by CannonsNever Too Late: Rest in Peace

2nd March 2014:
Hey, I'm reviewing this for the 'Blackout Bingo'

You did a truly magnificent job with setting the scene at the beginning. I felt like I was actually in the car with them with them with the bad weather surrounding us.

I like how you've given the main character some depth in the first chapter by telling the reader about how they have shrunk away from the wizarding world after the fall of Voldemort. Also you've created a connection with Harry with how they are both orphans which is interesting.

The only things I would suggest is changing 'yard' to 'garden' as English people don't tend to use the word 'yard'

Also you've written 'O' instead of 'I' but that's just me being pedantic!

Overall I thought this was a really dark, intriguing and ultimately a fun read!


Author's Response: I'm very new at the forums, I don't really know what 'Blackout Bingo' is, but I'm glad you reviewed!
I'll correct the "o" and the "garden" first chance I get, and I really appreciate you mentioning it. English is my 2nd language, so these kind of mistakes are bound to happen.
I think that Pre-Hogwarts is an underrated era and people are never unscarred after a war, so I really wanted to write about these people and how they struggled.I'm glad you liked the first part, with the driving and the car, makes me happy!
I really appreciate you reading and reviewing , thank you so much!
best wishes, vicky :)

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Review #9, by CannonsThe Unknown: 1

1st March 2014:

wow! How have you written this so quickly when it's so amazing. I'm in awe :o

This was so sad though, reminds me that not all Slytherin's are bad and that it's easy to tar them all with the same brush.

Well done again for completing this so quickly, it really is such a high standard.

Cannons (harrypotterlover1)

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh well, I didn't really write it, it kind of wrote itself. :P

I know. Not all Slytherins are bad!! Thank you so much for this amazing review! This made me smile so much!


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Review #10, by CannonsAll It Took Was A Manticore: All It Took Was A Manticore

1st March 2014:
Hi, I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

Can I firstly say how impressive your writing is. I clicked on not expecting much but you blew me away. The descriptions were really detailed and you really thought about what era they are in with lines like this - 'Which was how the two of them came to be crouching in the bushes next to a hill about three leagues from the village.' - and them using the sun etc.

I really like how you made them meet, with Salazar being the apprentice of a Dark wizard. You've shown Godric showing compassion to him by sparing him, and how he was determined to kill the mamticore as it was killing innocent people.

I really enjoyed this and you are very talented!


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Review #11, by CannonsJust Go With It: Pain

28th February 2014:
Hi, I'm here for our review swap, thanks a lot btw!

I enjoyed this little start you've made, with an interesting character in Krum. I always enjoy reading about Krum especially when it causes some good old tension between Ron and Hermione.

I thought it was typical of Ron to wonder who had invited him. In fact your characterisation of Ron was very good, right down to the eye rolls.

I'll ignore all the pedantic grammatical stuff as that seems to have already been said.

All in all a lovely start with an interesting main character and in interesting premise for the story.

Thanks for this review swap, it's always fun to read different genre's and to get out of my comfort zone!


Author's Response: Sorry for the late response! I was a bit busy with real life issues and I don't like to respond to reviews in haste. :)

I enjoy reading Krum too! I just haven't found anything about him on HPFF, but I am in love with his character. He's way too different and interesting and also fun to write!

Dear old Ron! That was one of the reasons I started off the story with Krum visiting the wedding. I wanted to relate my story a little to canon by adding a few Ron-Krum jealousy moments and stuff. :)

Thanks for the wonderful review Cannons! :D


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Review #12, by CannonsCourage of a Badger: Prolouge

25th February 2014:

I really like that start you've made on this. So much so that I really wish there was more! I don't really read next gen and I have never read anything about Lucy before so it feels sort of exciting. Your writing feels really laid back and easy to read, whilst also conveying the important emotions that you want to get across to the reader.

If you write more let me know.


Author's Response: Oh my gosh, thank you! You really made my day. I love Next Gen but don't really like Lucy that much, so writing this is really exciting for me as well. Thank you again - next chapter should be up as soon as I finish it!

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Review #13, by CannonsInvisible in Death: Ghostly Day

22nd February 2014:
Hey Rose!

How are you so talented :o It's not fair :P

Your characterisation of Myrtle was brilliant, I love how you have developed her character and fleshed her from the books.

She really does come across as a very unlucky sort of girl with everything that she goes through and you have just magnified that. Your detail and description surrounding the glasses made it all so sad.

One thing that I really love about this is that you have actually opened my eyes up to Mrytle being an actual person with real feelings and hopes, she just wants to be accepted like everyone else, because I think its fair to say I only think of Mrytle as a ghost. So you writing her before she died and the events leading up to her death actual makes me feel empathy for her!

Your plot is so clever as well. You have taken something in which everyone knows how it ends and still leave the reader hanging on. So much so that you become so enthralled in it you could almost forget who 'done it' ;)

Your writing is always flawless and lovely to read!

Thanks for the review swap.


Author's Response: Cannons!!!

*blush* I've been plunking away at this writing thing for 10+ years and um *waffle*

I'm really glad you liked how I characterized Myrtle! She was a lot of fun to develop from what we learned in the books.

I like to think she had a combination of bad luck and no perspective on her life. The glasses were just the highlight of her being miserable rather than a root cause.

It's so good to hear that you see her as an actual person now with feelings and aspirations. Most people (including me) always just saw her as a ghost in the books. She really wasn't given more depth than that.

*squee!* it makes me so happy that, despite the known canon items, this had you hanging on for more info. It was kind of fun to have a who dunit with the reader knowledgable where the narrator was not. :D

Thank you so much for such a wonderful review!! You've really lifted my ego off the ground!


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Review #14, by CannonsResolute: Resolute

22nd February 2014:
Hey, here for our review swap!

This was one of the most impressive things I've ever read! Your writing is so smooth and easy to read. Your characterisation of Tom was really amazing, he was so realistic I don't think J.K could have done a better job herself.

I was going to review a chapter of 'House of Cards' but then I spotted this which I had already seen before but didn't have the the time. :P

I really liked how you showed the reader that he never was content with his achievements, always wanting to do bigger things, achieve more. Also how scathing he is of his peers and teachers, there's no doubt in his mind that he is better then them and it really came across well.

Slughorn was also written brilliantly and I felt a little sorry for him!

You had me enthralled from the start, your writing is superb and I'm going of to read something else that you've written!


Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for stopping by and for the review swap! I really enjoyed it, so I'm glad you liked it too! :)

Gah, thank you so so much - that has genuinely left me speechless and smiling randomly for the last few days, haha. I can't believe that, wow - thanks! :)

Haha, no worries about that!

Thanks! I found it really interesting characterising him, though I was really nervous about it because he's, you know, Voldemort. I looked up Anti-Social Personality Disorder traits for him, which is where most of those sorts of things came from/the ideas behind them came from, so I don't think I can really claim to all of them, haha ;)

Yeah, same! He's attempting to manipulate, and getting so easily, unknowingly manipulated in turn. It's kinda bad for him.

Thank you so so much for this lovely, lovely review - it was honestly such a wonderful thing to get! :)

Aph xx

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Review #15, by CannonsHoping for A Heartbeat : Prologue

18th February 2014:
Hey there :)

Wow, can I just say that you are an awesome person. You have let something which must be terrible in your life out through writing. It's inspiring!

This chapter really hit me with a fistful of nostalgia, looking through Ginny's early life and all the parts of Hogwarts that stuck with her.

It's really an interesting story to me since I have read few from Ginny's point of view. I think you have done a good job in making her believable.

The part I liked the most was when you wrote about Mrs Weasley and Ginny arguing over the make up, I can just imagine that happening!

The only thing I would suggest is to get a beta because there are some mistakes and at one point you changed tenses which confused me slightly.
Don't worry to much though because it is still an awesome start it could just be neatened up a bit. You should see my first drafts before my beta looks at them :P

I will read on in sometime tomorrow!

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for coming by and I am glad you enjoyed it!!! :D
I hope you do come back and read more, I have requested a beta but no one has answered. PM me if you have any suggestions of one I could ask?
Anyways thanks again so much!! :)

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Review #16, by CannonsBludgers and D̶e̶s̶e̶r̶t̶e̶d̶ Corridors: Bludgers and D-e-s-e-r-t-e-d Corridors

15th February 2014:
I enjoyed this :) I love it when I read something from another persons perspective!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts!!!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, I love these types of stories as well :)

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Review #17, by CannonsAshes in the Wind: Prologue

14th February 2014:
Hi, here for our review swap. I thought this was a very mysterious and interesting start. I noticed a small typo 'that he cornered' I very interested to see who this woman is with the strange eye and learn more about Maeve. lovely name by the way. You have some lovely description throughout.


Author's Response: Thank you very much for this review; I'm glad you liked the description! Thanks for pointing out the typo, I missed that. I'm glad you're interested in the story so far, at least I'm doing something right :)

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Review #18, by CannonsMy Little Secrets: When Things Were That Easy

8th February 2014:

Great chapter I really enjoyed it, I really love the writing style that you've chosen. Why are you doing this to her though! Make her eat something! You do a great job in dealing with a sensitive topic or topics in a sensitive way. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.


Author's Response: Hi!!!

I'm so glad that you enjoyed the chapter!! It was tough to write!! I'm glad that you think I'm handling the topics well!! I hope you like the next chapter. And don't worry! It won't be cloudy for ever!!

xoxo Sarah

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Review #19, by CannonsMy Little Secrets: The Voices Inside Your Head

18th January 2014:
hey, when's the next chapter? ;)

I thought this was a great first chapter, and you've really involved me with the characters as many of their characteristics feel so real.

great job! :D

Author's Response: Hi! It's coming soon! I'm gonna sit down to write it out fully on wednesday!

I'm so glad you liked this chapter, thanks so much!

Thanks for the review!

xoxo LL

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Review #20, by CannonsToo Good To Be True: Couldn't Possibly Be

23rd December 2013:
Hey Ree, here with your requested review.

I don't know what to say to be honest because that was depressing. Depressing. Especially because it was with Sirius who is the opposite of depressing.

Your characterisation of Sirius was good, I think I can see him acting as romantic as he did and forgetting the ring was a Sirius moment most defiantly.

Another little thing I enjoyed was how they had a little crowd watching in the restaurant!

Anyway I enjoyed reading this and thought this was an improvement on your other pieces that I have read so well done!

I think your writing has defiantly improved from the previous stories of yours, your mixing up your word choices now which makes for some nice phrases and imagery.

A nice example of the improvement of your writing would be this transition line which was so well done - A middle aged couple caught Marlene’s eye, they reminded her of her own parents. - It was just brilliant that you included that line, rather then just talk about her parents.

Also it was a nice touch how you mentioned them again and had them as a sort of parallel to Sirius and Marlene who we know wont grow old together like them.

There were a few typo's that you could catch if you went through, a really obvious one is in the first paragraph, I'll let you find it.

Author's Response: Cannons hello!

Hm, I'll take that as a compliment :) That was sort of my motive there :)

Thanks, the ring moment was completely by accident. I actually forgot to write the part where he puts the ring on her finger, so I just made it out like he forgot it ;) I'm glad that worked :D

Aw, thank u so much! I don't even know how. When I was writing it, everything just kind if flowed from my fingers! I think I might like dark a bit more than I should :)

Haha, yeah, the 'their' one. I tend to miss words like that. I'll go have a good read through later :)

Thanks for the sweet review!


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Review #21, by CannonsA Melancholy Melody: Cold Shoulder

16th December 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review!

There were a few typo's/grammar problems that I noticed so I would recommend requesting a 'quick beta' over at the forums, because they are really helpful.

I didn't find anything massively wrong it just didn't flow as well as it could have.

Aside from that you have set up an interesting first chapter, I have never read about a next gen character from Slytherin so I found that particularly interesting. Also you put Albus in Slytherin which will be good for the plot.

I feel that if you wanted to improve your story you could add some more description throughout, the more description there is the more fun to read it is for the reader. ( as long as it's not over the top. )For instance I don't know what 'Allie' looks like at all yet and I like to have a picture in my head.

Oh, the major question I had was this - 'Ethan was a fresh Hogwarts graduate' - to me,this seems like your saying that he's finished Hogwarts and going out with a fourth year? I don't know I totally didn't get that :P

Overall you have a lot of good things in here which I will enjoy seeing expanded in the following chapters. Feel free to re-request.


Author's Response: oh yes, I actually plan to find a beta after I'm done with all the chapters :D but thank you for noticing me! I'll try to give more Allie's description and so on for the next chapter. Yes, Ethan was about two/three years ahead of Allie and started dating her when he graduated. Ethan was a player after all and not living at Hogwarts anymore definitely gave him an advantage. That way, Allie wouldn't notice that he actually cheated on her when they were away. I hope I make sense :P

Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :D

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Review #22, by CannonsBranded: Chapter One: Oil Blood

16th December 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review!

Ok, this was a neat piece of writing. I enjoy reading about Draco after the war and seeing people's interpretations on how he has changed so I found this interesting and believable for the most part.

Draco is particularly fascinating in my opinion because we get the argument, was he raised to be how he was? or does he have to take some responsibility for what he has done?

I think you have got his characterisation and mannerisms down quite well, the only line I have a problem with is this one - ' I agreed with Snape—he is a perfectly adequate wizard. Perhaps above average in DADA and flying, but other than that I could easily curse circles around him.' - I just cant see Draco complementing Harry, even in a backhand, insulting way, but this is after Hogwarts and the battle so it is believable that he has grown I guess.

This line was brilliant. - ' Did their blood beat faster? Mine felt like thick oil pumping mechanically through a machine, turning from one cog to the next. ' - All his life Draco has been obsessed, and has been surrounded by people who are obsessed with 'blood', so I found it absolutely brilliant that he finds himself comparing his blood to other peoples, wondering who has the better deal. I don't know if that was on purpose but I enjoyed it.

At the beginning you have made Draco sarcastic and resigned to his fate which is what I imagine he would react like to the situation.

'Now, with his receding hairline, paper skin and powerless stance, commands from him embarrassed me. ' - Another fantastic line, this really shows how much Draco has grown since the war. I also found it fitting the Lucius was being extremely hypercritical by telling Draco to get a job.

You have a good pace throughout, and a consistent style of writing. I think if you wanted to improve it a little more you could add to the length and flesh it out even more with description. Your description is really good, for instance, - 'The Magical Games and Sports area was the opposite of traditional Malfoy décor, trademarked by clean lines, neutrals, and cold textured surfaces. The floors were a thick red carpet and team flags hung from every wall with cartoon colors and moving mascots. Once my eyes adjusted, I noticed the small wooden desk perched among the chaos.' - but the are some instances where I feel some description is would add to the atmosphere.

This chapter is well written and I enjoyed reviewing it.


Author's Response: Wow this was a really awesome review! Thank you for taking the time to do this.
You're the second person to talk about that line about Harry; I never meant it to read as a compliment. My friend said it did as well. I'll have to check out that wording and see what I really think about changing it.
I'm glad you picked up on the blood reference :) I was inspired by the Sylvia Plath quote, but then thought it was very fitting given the blood statuses.
I'm glad you find Draco's characterization overall believable! That's wonderful and good to hear!
Ah yes, I struggle with adding lots of description. I thrive on dialogue and internal dialogue but definitely need to be reminded to describe things, so I will make sure I'm keeping that in mind as I'm now working on the next chapter.
Thank you again!
xx Lizzie

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Review #23, by CannonsWarfare: 1 September, 2022

15th December 2013:

I really enjoy your writing so I'm pleased that you are writing another story. You are a talented writer and include the small details and descriptions which all the best stories have. I'm excited to see where this goes. Don't give up on it :P

Author's Response: Aww! Thank you so much, your support means the world to me :) I hope you love the story so far! And I won't give up on it, I really love writing it :) Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #24, by CannonsA Hero's Wand: Birthday Gifts

14th December 2013:

I saw your blog on the forums so I thought I would come and check out your author page and I recognised the banner for this story and I remembered reading it before. So I want to say that I enjoyed reading it, and i thought it was a great little moment you chose to write about. I cringed though when I thought of what happens to the wand in CoS. :P

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! I'm glad that people are noticing it, and that you liked the story. Thank you for the review! :D

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Review #25, by CannonsPyrotechnics: ii.

13th December 2013:
Hey again!

I couldn't stay away, can I just say you have one of the best banners I have ever seen, it's amazing.

Your writing is so smooth, and technical, it comes across that you have been writing for a while and know exactly what your doing. It really is a pleasure to read it.

I am so glad that you've decided to use your talent to write about Seamus because he's a character who I have found is defiantly not written about a lot, but his character is so interesting and diverse.

Hazel is growing on me I have to admit, I'm pleased that you have fleshed her out and shown two different sides to her in the first two chapters. In the first chapter she is a whirlwind of aggression and indignation and in this one we see her a little calmer and more thoughtful. I like how she questioned herself about if she had done the right thing for a moment and then talked herself in to thinking she had done the right thing.

I enjoy reading Seamus trying to wind Hazel up, he seems to be going for that sort of tactic which defiantly gives you lots of plot room. Like in this chapter he realises he quite likes her but he doesn't change his tone of the way he speaks to her, he just keeps on trying to wind her up which is so fun to read.

Another thing which I like is you've made Hazel the daughter of a politician going for the Minister of Magic's job which I know is going to be important somehow, I just cant work out why yet. Personally I'm hoping Hazel does get set up with a man by her mother to see how she reacts.

Anyway I really enjoy your writing, you have a great story going and I will be reading in the future whenever you update.


Author's Response: Oh my gosh, wow! Thank you so much for this review, I can't even tell you how much it means that you said all those lovely things. I have been writing awhile, and I'm so glad that it shows because I wondered if it ever would. XD

I'm really glad that you liked the contrast with Hazel too. I really love her, she's just going through a rough time, (as you'll find out later) and I don't want people to hate her so I'm glad she's growing on you. :D

And Seamus, oh Seamus, I've heard nothing but good comments about him so far and it makes me want to just smile all the time. :D I've never really written him before now, just loved his character, so it's a little surprising that he came off so well, (sometimes I am a terrible judge of my own characterization skills).

Oh wow, I am so sorry if that was ramble-y but your review really made me excited! Thank you so much again. :)


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