Reading Reviews From Member: Cannons
  
247 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CannonsOil and Water: oil and water don't mix

24th July 2015:
so...twenty minutes...TWENTY MINUTES...the fact that you wrote this in twenty minutes is pretty incredible.

The part about this one shot that I liked the most was, as it went on it picked up a pace. At the start it was very descriptive, thoughtful, slightly confused but then as she thinks things through, answers the questions she asks herself there is a change of pace, wording, she becomes more powerful almost. I think that makes sense.

I really enjoyed how you explored the concept of fire and ice.

As the crepuscular rays hit the back of your head, they turn your hair from platinum to hay, and mine, from deep wine to flames. - I thought this line was important because its an empowering feeling when you take matters in to your own hands. When you think you deserve better and you act upon it. It changes your perception of someone immediately.

You've just managed to manipulate the English language into something beautiful.

Well done!

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Review #2, by CannonsBecause In Reality: a teenage vow in a parking lot.

24th July 2015:
Hey!

I'm here for our review swap, sorry it took so long but I can only type with one hand at the moment due to a broken hand!

Anyway, I do hope you continue you this story and upload a new chapter soon, I thought it was an interesting start. You have managed to set the story up wonderfully. Sometimes people introduce to many characters in at the start but you didn't. I liked how we didn't really get to see James, it makes him even more interesting then he sounds at the moment.

It was fun to read from Bea's point of view. She has an interesting personality. I liked how she was good looking and at times uncomfortable with it. Also the strained relationship with her parents. I wonder how important that will be in the future.

If I am honest I found Ronnie a little annoying but I am sure there is more to her then obsessing over guys. :P

Your writing flowed really well and I sped through it very quickly. I'm adding this to my reading list and I hope you manage to update it soon!

Author's Response: Hello! You didn't take long at all so don't worry about it. And I really hope your hand heals soon!

I'm actually probably guilty of introducing a lot (my most if five at the moment) of characters in the first chapter but I really wanted to start it off with a lot of Ronnie and Bea plus a little Richard. James... he'll be coming in the next chapter. It's great that you already find him interesting. I hope he lives up to it.

Bea... she's different from my other characters. She is under the impression that since she's pretty people will only see her for her looks, not her personality. That's sort of why she tries hard to downgrade her looks... always keeping her hair up, wearing plain black framed glasses, not applying make up regularly. Her relationship with her parents will be quite important so I'm really glad you noticed that.

Oh, Ronnie! It's alright that you find her annoying. I'll somehow get you to like her, I promise. And there is more to her than obsessing over guys, don't worry.

I made a promise to myself that I would update two of my other stories before I update this one. I've already updated one so the next chapter for this story should be up around the first week of August if all goes well. Thank you for the review swap! I loved reading your review as well as your fantastic Snape story!

~Sama


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Review #3, by CannonsSummer Herbology: [I.]

16th May 2015:
Julie, this is so awesome! I'm kind of in love with the whole summer school thing and the way you've set the plot up.

Rhys is defiantly an interesting character so far, with a few layers to his personality already.

Author's Response: Fin!

Thanks so much! I was super surprised and happy to see your name pop up! I'm glad that you love the summer school plot so far, it's definitely been fun to write.

And Rhys! He's growing on me so quickly as I write this.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'll ttyl!

Julie


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Review #4, by CannonsAn Inconvenient Repercussion: Chapter 1

4th May 2015:
Hi Kaitlin, thanks for swapping with me.

You really have a knack for writing opening sentences don't you. - An inconvenient repercussion of husband number two. - This was incredible. I felt for Blaise straight away as I can imagine how this would be something which was thrown about in an argument and then it really stuck with him.

His mother admitted killing her late husband to her seven year old child, that is incredibly messed up. That is without doubt going to have severe long lasting effects whichever way you look at it.

She laughed and called me a coward for not having enough courage to leave when I wasnt wanted. - This is brutal.

There is a sort of sick humour at the fact that his first real taste of family life is at Malfoy's.

At best, I was a prop she used to lure new husbands and at worst, something that got in the way of her next marriage. - This line really stuck out to me because it shows that he really couldn't win, no matter what he did.

Wow, I think you should win an award for biggest plot twist. Even though it isn't such a plot twist because it is so believable but you know what I mean. This line in particular - I blacked out and when I woke up she was dead, her beautiful face smashed into a pulp of torn skin and crushed bone. - made me my stomach drop, it was so hauntingly vivid.

Overall I think you have achieved exactly what you wanted with this one shot. It flowed excellently especially considering the massive time frame that was being talked about.

I loved how Blaise went on a journey throughout this from scared boy to killer. The thing is I feel for Blaise and am happy that he stood up to her even if he killed her. In a way his mother deserved what she got, her dreadful, non-existent attempt at parenting is what got her killed in the end.

I really enjoyed this and the ending, kind of like the beginning and the middle where fake jabs and then the ending was an absolute beast of an uppercut that came out of no where. It really, really worked.

Fin

Author's Response: Hey Fin!

I always try to put a lot of thought into opening sentences, so I'm glad you liked my choice here. I thought it really highlighted Blaise's relationship with his mother from the start.

Brutal is a good word for this. Blaise's life is definitely brutal and you're right, there is a lot of irony in the fact that the Malfoys become his standard for family life.

I'm glad that even though the ending is logical, it still comes as a bit of a surprise. I wanted it to feel very sudden and a bit different from the Blaise we get to know through most of the story.

I'm so happy that you still feel sorry for Blaise even though his ending actions were awful. I really wanted to convey that sometimes people get pushed to a breaking point and do things that they might not do otherwise.

Props on the boxing analogy. :D

Thanks for the swap!

~Kaitlin


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Review #5, by CannonsHogmanay: Hogmanay

3rd May 2015:
Kenny! Thought I'd give it a read since our mutual friend the Crumple-Horned Snorkack obviously enjoyed your story. Firstly that is an awesome banner!

I really enjoyed this, to be honest I'm not great with straight up fluff and New Years Eve is a pretty good time for someone to incorporate fluff. I enjoyed the slightly different spin you put on it in the fact that Harry and Ginny aren't in such a good place at the moment. It was also nice to imagine the trio spending New Years Eve together.

Your description was really good as well, I could see the cottages in my mind.

Fin

Author's Response: Hi, Fin. Thank you for compliment to my banner. I've wondered whether I should do request on TDA. So I'm happy with your encouraging words.

I understand your feeling towards Fluff. I have similar feeling. I prefer twists and turns to straight fluff. Harry J.K.Rowling created is a typical character as a person with constant angst.

Talking of the trio, when I thought of this one-shot, each role of them popped naturally in my mind: Hermione knows everything around Scottish tradition. Harry has a glum face thinking of Ginny. Ron cheers up his best mate.

Thank you Fin for stopping by and thank you to the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!


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Review #6, by CannonsJumble: HodgePodge

3rd May 2015:
Reviewing for Team Gold!

Ok Kaitlin, reading this did absolutely nothing for my confidence in my own ability. :P In all seriousness though I feel like I've just experienced flight to a certain degree because of how well you described it. Very rarely do I ever have a completely clear picture in my mind of what is happening, so congratulations for being so talented.

I really enjoyed this first sentence - Harry pushed off of the ground for the first time in what was years, shooting straight up into the air like a cork exploding from a champagne bottle. - I even read it twice, I was pleasantly surprised because I know how hard it is to grab the reader in the first sentence. It set the tone for the rest of the piece.

The biggest compliment I can give you though in my opinion, is that you didn't overdo it with the elaborate words which made it flow beautifully. Just what you need when you trying to describe flying right. ;)

I really didn't expect to enjoy this as much as I did so fantastic job! I was kind of blown away.

Fin

Author's Response: Hey Fin!

Thank you so much for this lovely review.

I really tried hard to push the description in this one, but to be honest, I was worried that people would find it boring because there isn't much dialogue. I'm glad that you didn't think so.

The not over doing it with the big elaborate words isn't much of a challenge for me since I don't really speak in big elaborate words anyways.

I'm so happy that it exceeded your expectations! Thanks again for reading!

~Kaitlin


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Review #7, by CannonsHolding On: 1

1st May 2015:
Hi, here for our review swap!

I think this is a first for me, reading about the next gen being parents and imagining 'nana Hermione' at the platform.

Your writing is really polished and Stori's voice came through nicely. Her friend group seems dynamic and fun as well.

I thought it was interesting that she had a rather neutral opinion on which house she had ended up in. I'm interested to see if the house rivalry is still as prevalent now that quite a large time period has passed.

A good start and I think you will see me again with another review soon!

Fin

Author's Response: Hi Fin!
I had to keep reminding myself that the Golden Trio were now grandparents! But I think it's fun to think about the Next Gen having kids.
I'm glad you like Stori and her friends. They're always fun to write. The house rivalry is brought up in the next chapter if you're curious.
Thank you so much for the review swap! And I'm really happy you liked this so much!
Cassie :)


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Review #8, by CannonsHarry Potter and the First Mission: Life Still Goes On

1st May 2015:
Hey, reviewing for Team Gold!

I thought this was a solid first chapter and an enjoyable read. I'm intrigued to see what the heart shaped scars are all about, I have a sneaky suspicious they could turn out to be rather important?

The only thing I will say is that things seem to be moving too quickly, I imagine there would be more angst and sadness and loss immediately after so I thought it was a little unrealistic in that aspect. I don't know how you have tackled that though in the future chapters so I'm excited to see how you tackle that aspect of things.

I haven't seen Harry and Ron being offered a auror trainee job at Hogwarts while still being able to study but it's such a neat idea that I wish I had thought of it! (If I have interoperated that correctly!) All in all a good first chapter that sets the story up nicely.

Fin

Author's Response: Oh, Fin, you got right to the point! I set something later.
Talking of angst and sadness part, I set them later bit by bit. If you read next chapter, I'm sure you'll shed tears, 'cause other Gryffies said so during Kevin's CTF game.

Thank you for doing this for review battle! I'm eager to review on your story again!


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Review #9, by CannonsA Ripple In Time: cast a single stone.

30th April 2015:
Joey, you know me...start mentioning 'time' and I'm there straight away! ;D I love the line ' a single ripple in time' it's really poetic and has a certain depth to it.

Worrying about the opinion of those beneath me was laughable even then. - This line really stuck with me, for a Slytherin to have the self assurance and maybe even the audacity to view Voldemort/Death Eaters beneath him is a powerful thought to me. I've read/know next to nothing about Theodore Nott, the only thing I was sure of was that he didn't exactly 'follow' others, but this was a surprising level up and I liked it.

Okay, I'm reviewing as I go along by the way so if it seems a little choppy then that is why. So the way I have read is that he feels Malfoy might be masking his feelings for Harry with hatred. That is something I had never ever thought of before, but it put a little doubt in my mind.

Love this line -
For the first time, Harry Potter became a person to me. Hed always seemed like an abstract concept; The Boy Who Lived. But he was real and he was so very alive. His vibrancy could not be understated.

Typical Harry - But I dont mope about it or take it upon myself to defend the school, I said.

So to sum it up, you've taken an odd (to me) ship and made it relatively believable, but I think you could do that with any ship with your writing ability. I thought the way that you pieced each section together was clever and I enjoyed the ending, tied in with the ending of HBP which made it work in my head.

Until next time :P

Fin

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Review #10, by CannonsThe Story of You: The Story of You

30th April 2015:
Sian.

I'm seriously considering uninstalling Scrivner and not writing again. You've just weaved this together impeccably, it is flawless. Second person POV is my favourite to write and you've just owned it. Like this is the standard I need to be aiming for from now on. It's so polished so well done!

I copied this line as I was reading - But on that first night, after watching him retreat down your neat garden path, like an exotic bird that had found itself in the Welsh valleys, you fell asleep to a watercolour of gold and blue behind your darkened eyelids. - This line really stuck out to me, the golden and blue behind darkened eyelids, powerful imagery.

Another thing that stood out was the rhythm to this piece, it never felt overdone or like there was something missing, it just flowed naturally. Which is important for this view point imo.

The hurricane idea was impressive because of how much sense it made, especially as we already know what is about to happen.

Some other lines I really enjoyed where - 'That summer; heady, hedonistic, believing, hoping, that the long, hazy days would stretch out forever and reality would forget to return.' - 'You held your head high that day, Albus, as you fought your heart and your lover simultaneously; you stole the pen from Life and wrote the ending of the story yourself.' -

Thanks for the swap Sian, as honestly I probably wouldn't have clicked on this due to my unfamiliarity of the ship but I am happy that I have read it as now come away slightly inspired to up my game.

:P

Fin

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Review #11, by CannonsThe Shadows Within: Prologue

30th April 2015:
I'm trying to review more so I'm going to leave some thoughts.

I thought this was an interesting start, in a era I don't normally read about. I will defiantly be reading on. I thought the way you wrote this scene really created a tense atmosphere.

Fin

:)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the atmosphere in the prologue. I really tried to make it creepy and to show how messed up Voldemort's thought process was, so I'm glad that came through.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review! =)


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Review #12, by CannonsA Christmas in Azkaban: A Flickering Flame

20th April 2015:
Hi, here for our swap. :)

I enjoyed the concept of 'hope' and how important and powerful it is. Sirius couldn't have been in a worse possible situation and yet he still found a shred of hope to cling on to.

I thought you did a good job at portraying the setting and Azkaban itself, I really got the sense that it was cold, dark and unwelcoming.

Thanks for the read!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm really happy you liked it!

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Review #13, by CannonsSaving Severus Snape : vii.

14th April 2015:
Hey Meg, here for the review battle!

This is such a complex plot and I am loving how you are revealing it, little by little. I'm especially liking how you are writing the whole Hermione/Snape dynamic, it's a very tense 'relationship' at the moment and I can never guess what is going to happen. Like in this chapter nothing really happened between them except the odd missed stare and I like that, you are revealing it slowly, so when something does happen it will feel natural.

The Amelia/Remus thing is interesting as well, it still feels so odd to me to be reading about the marauders when they are in absolutely no danger, but knowing what happens to them makes it a double edged sword of course. I really hope Remus plucks up the courage for this Hogsmede trip.

Another cool aspect that I'm waiting to see how you deal with, is just how powerful and experienced in magic Hermione is in comparison to her classmates. I feel as if it could be something that will get her in trouble at some point.

Rita is so annoying, and the French made me laugh when I realised what you had said.

As always I loved your writing and can't wait for the next chapter.

Fin

Author's Response: Hey Fin! ♥

Oh yay! I'm thrilled to see you've come back for another chapter!! :)

I'm glad that the slow burn seems to be paying off. I was afraid that it may seem like it's moving a little *too* slowly, but I didn't want to push it and have it seem unrealistic either. It's definitely still going to be a little while before anything serious happens. ;)

Gah I love Amelia and Remus! Oh I know. We all know, but they have no idea. It's horrible. :( Something tells me that he might. :D

Haha you miiight be right there... We'll see. ;)

She's a cow. I'm thrilled that you liked that! I laughed. :D

Eep thank you so much!! I'm super happy that you're enjoying it!! Thanks for stopping by and the lovely review! ♥

xoxo Meg


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Review #14, by CannonsBruises : Bruises

26th March 2015:
Yo MEG! Here for our review swap, I am sorry to hear that you are not well, hope you get better soon!

It has just occurred to me for the first time, well first time properly, how amazing a story the first wizarding war would be.

I really liked this piece from you, it was well written and it was a powerful read. As the reader I already knew what was going to happen and I was just trying to work out how you would fit the pieces together as I was reading it.

I really liked your interpretation of Sirius, he has a big heart and is a genuinely nice guy and you got that across well enough, so that when everyone finds out that he supposedly did it, it would be enough of a shock. (does that even make sense?)

Peter, the way you've written him is perfect, he comes across exactly like the sort of coward he is. Hesitant, pale and nervous. Good job.

Loved the way you wrote James and Sirius' friendship, just how I imagine it.

This was a really powerful read, though it has given me a ton of plot bunnies!

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Review #15, by CannonsChicks Before Broomsticks: Hurt Heart

13th February 2015:
A new chapter!

Typical that Avery comes back to ruin things! I really, really want to read the next chapter right about now ;)

Author's Response: HI FIN, YES A NEW CHAPTER :)

Haha, well, you had to expect that it would happen at one point! The next chapter is written and being beta'd! Thanks so much for your continued support!

Julie


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Review #16, by CannonsSaving Severus Snape : vi.

23rd January 2015:
Another great chapter Meg, I've kind of been MIA recently but I've been trying to keep up when I can!

Author's Response: Hiya!!

Aww thank you so much!! It's so lovely to see you back again! I hope everything is going well. :) Thank you so much for stopping by to review!! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it! ♥

xoxo Meg


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Review #17, by CannonsMerlin! Stupid. What?: Brave

14th December 2014:
Sorry that I can't leave a long and detailed review, but I just have time to say that I really enjoyed this!

Author's Response: That's okay! Thanks for reading and taking the time to say you liked it!

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Review #18, by CannonsKissing in Private: Part Four

3rd December 2014:
No, that's the cruelest cliffhanger!

Author's Response: Haha! Guess you'll have to keep reading ;) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #19, by CannonsIn The Black: A Chance Meeting

27th November 2014:
Best Dumbledore characterisation ever. Or would that be going too far? I don't think so, really enjoyed the conversation between Dumbledore and Sirius. It was fun to read from a different POV as well.

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Review #20, by CannonsIn The Black: The Letter

27th November 2014:
Hufflepuff got smashed and there was a fight!

I really like how you showed Snape's home life in this chapter and tied it together with Beth's. Very neatly done!

Towards the end though when she wants to keep a secret...bad idea Beth!

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Review #21, by CannonsIn The Black: Concession

27th November 2014:
Awkward breakfast scenes are brilliant to read. Sirius acted exactly as I image he would in that situation.

Hopefully Hufflepuff get smashed in the next chapter!

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Review #22, by CannonsIn The Black: Rescue and Revelation

27th November 2014:
What a fast paced chapter and Beth couldn't transform! :( It's clever how you just weaves this cannon moment in to your own plot.

I wasn't expecting Beth to tell Snape and I'm not sure if she should have done, it probably should have been a group decision. Tensions were running high then.

I really wanted a duel at the end between the two, it is interesting to consider who would win that one.

I think Snape took that pretty well, but I can't wait to see what he does with the information, if anything.

Pretty tasteless joke though by Sirius, kind of went to far didn't he! :P

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Review #23, by CannonsIn The Black: Panic

27th November 2014:
Snape is heading for trouble!

I enjoyed the Peter and Beth scene and it made me smile when he'd gotten something wrong in the first line.

The part where Beth transforms was just so visual, I can see her transforming just as she steps.

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Review #24, by CannonsIn The Black: Seeking Refuge

27th November 2014:
I loved this chapter! You wrote Snape in such a normal way, which I don't normally see in marauders fics. It's still him but he cares and has feelings as any teenager would. I really liked the fact that you didn't go Over the top with him straight away.

What really stood out was how his 'friends' aren't really his friends at all, they just happen to be in the same house, things could have been so different!

The exchange between Beth and himself was great to read. Fair play to him for not completely snapping her head off.

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Review #25, by CannonsIn The Black: Unsuspected, Unexpected

27th November 2014:
:D
I really enjoyed this chapter, it was such a neat idea that Snape had at the beginning of the chapter to pretend that he knew what was going on.mi really did think Beth was going to say something she was going to regret for a second.

As always, the thing I notice about your writing is how you keep the plot and the story moving. Sentences like 'As the weeks inched by...' And 'the first moon passed without incident '

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