Reading Reviews From Member: silverashes
  
71 Reviews Found

Review #26, by silverashesWaging war: Waging War of Tonks Lupin

26th August 2013:
Hello, love!

You did a beautiful job with this story! I'm not sure if I've ever read a story about Tonks before, but I loved this one. You really captured the essence of her life flashing before her eyes. The details starting from when she was only 6 to when she died so many years later was perfect! You have just enough details to allow the reader to picture the scenes inside his/her head. I felt as though I were looking at pictures of Tonks' life. I think you did a wonderful job with her character.

The emotion in the story was awesome. From defeat, to happiness, to fear; I really felt everything that Tonks felt. I think the story flowed wonderfully. It gracefully slid from one chapter of her life to another. There was no part of the story that felt confusing or out of place. I think you did a really lovely job!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)
I am really very happy that you liked this story. When I had thought of writing something about Tonks, this idea just came to my mind and I wrote it. I was more like it would be really bad but learning that it's good through reviews is nice.

Thanks for your kind words :D


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Review #27, by silverashesGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 2

25th August 2013:
Happy Sunday!

I'm back for more because I'm in love with this story! Let's see...where should I start? Okay for one I think your writing fits so perfectly with J.K. Rowling's. The characters are so, so perfect. I love them. I like how your fitting a new character into a book that's already been written. It's flowing so flawlessly! It's like this part of the story was meant to be in the Harry Potter books!

Yay! We learned more about Sadie! I mean I guess it was only a couple details, but I just get so excited every time I learn something new! I can't believe she can't talk. Oh my... the poor girl. She has such a sad life, and we don't even know the gritty details yet. I'm really loving her character even though she hasn't arrived at the Weasley's yet!

Lovely, lovely, lovely like always! I can't wait to read a new chapter next week!

xx Rachel

P.S. I adore your writing style. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it, but it's so beautiful!

Author's Response: Thank you! Sorry I'm a few days late replying!

I am SO excited that you like this story so much! Seriously, I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I was so worried people were going to egg me or something after the information revealed in this chapter, so to have people asking for more instead is making my week.

To have you compare my writing with JKR's is the highest praise ever, and you've left me blushing deeply. It is difficult to fit this story into the already written books, and keep it exciting and not just a re-hash of the story we already know. That's going to be my challenge.

Yes, Sadie has some difficult challenges to deal with. I'm glad you're liking the information about her so far. And I like to think the Weasleys are going to be good for her, don't you?

Thank you so very much! More by Sunday at least.

(Blushing again.)


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Review #28, by silverashesPicking Up the Pieces: Lonely

25th August 2013:
Hello again!

Awe, we got a little insight to Anaxandra's family life. Her father and mother seemed to absolutely lovely people. I loved the line about the stars! I'm wicked excited to learn more about her life!

I really like the relationship that is beginning to form between Draco and Anaxandra! Though they seem to dislike each other's presence I think their equally stubborn personalities fit well together. The set of three rules for them to abide by was hilarious. I don't know why it struck me as funny but it did! I like them!

I think the flow is lovely! There is no piece to the story that seems misplaced or confusing! I'm following the story very easily. The plot continues to thicken with Anaxandra finding something wrong with Draco's case files...it seems like someone is trying to hinder Draco's progress. Hmmm. I have my suspicions. Putting that aside, I think your plot is extremely different from anything I've ever read, and I really like the way it's playing out! I'm excited to see where you take the characters and storyline!

Another brilliant chapter!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: I'm currently working on the chapter that really focuses on Anaxandra's background. I felt like keeping it a mystery until the middle of the story, then you get pretty much the whole entire picture. I hope my approach is a good one :/

I was hoping to request you for the remainder of my chapters, hoping that you would keep a close eye on their relationship. Make sure it was consistent, as well as the whole progression of the plot. I added the rules in after having the chapter up for a while, and I must say, I think it adds a little more flavor to the story, and I'm glad you like them!

I'm glad I have you asking questions. That was my intention with this story after all :) I will re-request asap! Thank you again for the awesome review!


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Review #29, by silverashesBreakoff Altitude: Prologue

23rd August 2013:
Hello there!

I want to start off by saying that I really like your chapter image! The bed just looked so cozy, haha. Anywho! I think you have a really good start! The first chapter is just long enough to whet the reader's interest! I think one of the biggest things that is going to make people want to read the story is the characters! I've never seen anyone write these characters before! It's so unique, and I love it!

I think the awkwardness adds a tinge of reality to the story. Instead of waking up and being completely normal in the situation, they both feel slightly uncomfortable! I like it! I think you definitely have a good start! I'm interested to know what happened to lead them to where they are, and why Amelia is so worried about her brother being already awake!

I think you have a really good start so far! I'm excited to see where you take this!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: :D thanks so much for reviewing!!

handknittedsweaters


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Review #30, by silverashesThe Last Keepers Of The Light: Chapter One

23rd August 2013:
Hello there!

I really like your writing style! It's very detailed, painting the story into the minds of the readers. I could see the whole thing inside my head as if I were looking at pictures or a movie. I think your flow is perfect. Everything moved along smoothly without any confusion! I also think your plot is very interesting. You've kept a veil over the main character, not giving any details about her or what she's there or what the Death Eaters want. I think that's a good tactic to build suspense, making readers want to find out more! The end of the chapter was such a cliff hanger too! I think you have a brilliant story coming together!

There were a couple of minor things that I noticed. In the first paragraph, and some later on, there were a few i's that weren't capitalized! Not a huge error but just to make it easier to read! One more minor thing I noticed was the paragraphs. There a bit long. Not that there is anything wrong with having long paragraphs, really there isn't! I think if you broke each paragraph (depending on the length) into a couple smaller ones! I know for me it's easier to read and helps keep my attention! But it's totally up to you(:

Overall well done! You have a wonderful plot that I can't wait to see how it's going to pan out! Lovely, lovely, lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Oh wow! That was such a nice review! Thank you!
You have definitely helped clear up any doubts I had about the flow of the story, so that's very good :)

Also, I will definitely in the future look at breaking my paragraphs up! And of course maybe edit this chapter later on and sort out the 'I' issue, I did read through it again and it was a bit distracting

Thankyou so much for you review and time!


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Review #31, by silverashesTruth Will Out: Breathe.

22nd August 2013:
Stop, no. You cannot make this just a one-shot. You're going to absolutely kill me. Please, please, please write more. I think my internal organs will implode if you don't write more! I'm in love all the way up to my eyeballs. I'm at a loss for words. This was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Take every positive adjective and insert them right here _. I literally cannot even form words anymore. I think I'm going to have to read this again. This deserves so much praise, but here I am babbling because I'm just too excited. I hope you can feel my excitement and love for this story! Please write more(:

10/10

xx Rachel

Author's Response: This is positively, hands down the nicest review I've ever received :) Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm absolutely floored and I'm smiling so big right now!

I was so nervous to post this so it means the world to me that it's being received so well.

I think Samantha's message is a powerful one. It's about facing her fears and speaking out. It's about learning to fight back and taking back the night. To me, the real ending is that Samantha did all of the above.

I can't promise I'll make this into a short story but I will do Franks POV and hopefully that will tie up any loose ends from this story.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing :)


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Review #32, by silverashesPicking Up the Pieces: Pawn

22nd August 2013:
Hello there!

Another brilliant chapter! I like where this is going. You're really developing the characters well. I have to say that I'm a little wary of Draco's boss. He makes me a little nervous, especially in regards to Anaxandra. He seems like a bit of a shifty character. Maybe he's not, but I just have a feeling! I was proud of Draco for keeping some information withheld from his boss in order to keep Anaxandra safe!

I really like learning more about Anaxandra's past! She has a very interesting life that I'm excited to learn more about! Anaxandra's a very well-developed character that is carrying the plot nicely. Everything is flowing so smoothly. Nothing seems out of place, and things fall into place like missing puzzle pieces. I feel sorry for Draco! I hope his relationship with Astoria doesn't deteriorate because Draco has to work too much! That would break my heart!

Overall, brilliant job! I really love this story! It's so unique!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: I'm really happy to see that you're liking my story! I have to admit, that like any other author, I struggle to write a very intense and real world that seems plausible but also keeps the reader interested. I'm also glad that you like my characters and the way that they develop and change over time.

I cannot release any information on Draco's boss... yet. :)

I'm hoping to reveal a lot about her in the next few chapters. I've been kind of keeping her past a secret with little hints here and there, but I think that I've withheld enough for so long that I think the reader has a right to know who she really is.

I am very very excited to see that you love it! This is a big motivator! Cheers!


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Review #33, by silverashesCrossing the Borderline: Albus: The Decision

22nd August 2013:
Hello, hello!

I'm going to start off by saying that I LOVE Al's point of view! I always find it so interesting to read something from a boy's point of view (there aren't many on the site!). I think you did a good job of characterizing Al. He's mysterious, but he has this soft side, especially towards Aaliyah, that gives him depth! I also really liked how we got to see Aaliyah from Al's point of view! It gives the reader an 3 dimensional characterization of her because its through the eyes of someone else! Scorpius is a love. I wish I had a friend like him!

This is a very intriguing story line! I can't believe Aaliyah agreed to Al's little plan. Oh man, I hope she knows what she's in for! I think the story is flowing really well. As of right now there is nothing that confused me! Everything is flowing smoothly!

Brilliant job! I really like where this story is going! I can't wait to see what pans out between Al and Aaliyah!

xx Rachel

Author's Response:
Hey Rachel!
Al's point of view was quite fun to write and it makes me want to scream in happiness that you liked it. I agree that reading from a boy's point of view is interesting. You'll see more from Al's pov soon. ;)

Scorpius...*sigh*..I wish I had a friend like him too. :P He is one of those characters that are very loyal and honest but he also over-thinks when making a decision sometimes.

Yeah...Aaliyah doesn't know what she is up for...well, not yet.

Thanks so much for the sweet review. This really made my day and right now I am smiling like crazy. :D

~Sama


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Review #34, by silverashesThe Fall of the Town : The People of Hamlin

21st August 2013:
Hi, Hi!

I'm currently breathless. You started by painting this mental image of a broken town, but then you rebuilt it. Reviving the youth and beauty that it once had. You brought its residents to life, giving the town itself a life. They live in a world that is so different from all the others written on this site. Its the birthplace of Hogwarts. The very beginning.

The plot is fascinating. It's such an underused storyline. I feel like no one ever writes about the Founders Era, but it's so unique! Your characters OC and canon are phenomenal. You've brought each and every one of them to life. I feel as though they are standing in front of my desk right this minute. Marigold is so sweet and naive of her friend's adoration. Stephane is about to carry a tremendous weight upon his shoulders as he goes to save the lives of the people of Hamlin. I particularly liked the way you portrayed Rowena and Helena Ravenclaw. Rowena, not wanting her motherly duties to slow her down, is stern and not as nurturing as she should be. I feel like this explains Helena's somewhat cold feelings to her mother in the last Harry Potter book. She so desperately wants the affection of her mother.

Absolutely brilliant job. I'm in love with this story. Pure brilliance!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hi there! :) Thank you so much for coming to review my story so quickly, and for leaving this absolutely wonderful review! I've been all smiley and warm ever since reading it. :D

Ah, I'm so excited and flattered that you enjoyed the story, so thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm so honoured that you think I brought the town to life, and I loved imagining it and imagining how Hogwarts might have been as it was founded. It's definitely both the beginning and the ending of something.

I quite liked writing the Founders so far, especially since we don't know much about them so there's a lot of creative freedom. I'm really glad you like the characters so far, and that they came to life for you! :D I love Marigold and Stephane, they are so unique and special to write and very different from my other OCs. I'm so pleased you pointed out the Ravenclaw family dynamics as well, since I thought it was quite important to include since their separation is something we know about from canon, and would have had roots in Helena's childhood.

Thank you so much for leaving this absolutely glowing review, I hope you know how much your kind words meas to me! :)


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Review #35, by silverashesPicking Up the Pieces: Impression

21st August 2013:
Hello again!

Draco, Draco, Draco. I must say I do love a good story where Draco Malfoy makes an appearance. I LOVE the way you've portrayed him! I always felt sorry for him during the books (even though he was a git through most of them). I like that you show the softer and more sensitive side that we, as readers, have never seen before!

You have also developed your own voice and tone in your story, which I really like! It sets your story apart from all the others on this site! The plotline...oh my the plotline. It is incredibly interesting. You've taken a route that I've never read before, and I love it. You have this storyline that is so interesting, and I'm really excited to see where it leads! Anaxandra is a very detailed character. We're slowly learning more about her family and her background. She keeps getting more and more interesting! She has this hard outer shell that protects her more sensitive inner layer. She has depth!

Overall, I think you're doing a wonderful job with the story! It makes the reader want to keep reading! Lovely, lovely, lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that this chapter was good for you. It was one of my harder chapters to write. Well, they are mostly all hard, but that's because I try to be a perfectionist. I'm never fully happy with what I put out there, and if I waited until I was, then NOTHING would get published lol.

I'm glad you like Draco. I always felt bad for him as well, and I wanted to get down to his gooey caramel center in my story. I wanted to give him a different tone, but not so different that it doesn't seem plausible.

I wanted to write something that said, "please come with me on this journey." I do tend to be very dull at times in my writing, but I ultimately want to take my story places a story hasn't been taken before (at least that I've seen).

I'm really hoping to re-request you in the future!


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Review #36, by silverashesCareful What You Wish For: Brothers and Sisters

21st August 2013:
Bonjour cherie!

Right off the bat I love the Dani's family dynamics. Their funny and dysfunctional, but they're also realistic! Dani, Bran, and Kat are hilarious. I love them! Each of them have their own unique personalities, which you've pointed out throughout the story. You didn't give hordes of information on them though! That's awesome! Sometimes readers can be a little overwhelmed by large amounts of information in one chapter, especially the first! I think you spread it out nicely!

I also love Oliver, and I'm excited to see where you take his character! Not many people write about Oliver ( I think he's forgotten sometimes!), but I adore him. I think the hilarity and like-ability of your characters definitely give the story the want-to-read-more factor! This is a story that I would be excited to move on and read the next chapter!

Overall I think you have a really good first chapter, and I'm excited to see where you take the characters! Absolutely brilliant job!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hey there! (I'd reply in French except I never paid attention in French class and would have no idea what to say. And now, just as I'm typing this, I'm realizing I could just have said 'bonjour' right back. Or just said hey there and then not gone on to explain why I didn't reply in French.)

Righto!

I'm really glad you liked Dani's family dynamics - I was definitely trying to strike up a good balance between humour and realistic, so I'm glad you think I met that.

I'm happy you like Oliver! I have been wanting to write a fic about him for so long - and I adore him too!

I'm glad you liked this - thank you so much for the lovely review!

Courtney:)


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Review #37, by silverashesPicking Up the Pieces: Loss

21st August 2013:
Hello there!

So I must say, you started the story with a BANG! My attention was grabbed immediately after reading the first sentence. Right from the start the readers can feel the emotions pouring out of Anaxandra. Between everything happening around her and everything she's thinking, she seems so real!

The story is flowing really nicely so far! It's all one scene, so there isn't anywhere for the flow to be interrupted. I think that's a good way to introduce the story. I like how your first chapter is much shorter than the usual first chapter! It gives the reader a nice taste of what is to come. You've grabbed their attention, and you've hooked them on finishing the novel!

As of right now I think you have an awesome start to a story! I'm intrigued to figure out what happens next! Lovely, lovely, lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I've edited and re-edited this story to the bone, and I'm glad that my hard work is paying off! At least so far :) I'm super excited to re-request if that's alright!

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Review #38, by silverashesGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 1

20th August 2013:
Hi, hi!

I'm back and ready for action! Ole Minne makes an appearance! Three cheers for Minerva! I loved her in the books, and I love her equally in your story! I really like how she knows the women whom we met in the first chapter! I always find these kinds of connections super intriguing. She's portrayed just as J.K. Rowling portrayed her! Amazing!

Yay! We get to learn more about the little girl, Sadie! I really like how your slowly introducing the OC with small details. She's beginning to be defined as a character. The little details are catching my attention. and they're developing Sadie into a really intriguing character. She's beginning to trust Ophelia and Minerva, which is definitely a good thing! I really think you're doing an amazing job characterizing Sadie!

Though the story started off a little dark, I think Ophelia is the comic relief. The whole spiel about her turning Sadie into a rubber chicken had me giggling! I really like her character! The plot-line is flowing so nicely! I can't wait to read what's next. Meep! If you don't mind I think I will be coming back for the rest of your story! I've been ensnared by your magical and beautiful writing style! Absolutely, lovely job!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for coming back, and doing it so soon!

Love Minerva. Have a soft spot for that old lady. But I do hope I kept her in character here. So, thanks so much for your compliment!

I'm glad you like the pacing of the information reveal. After writing on Sadie for so many years, I feel like she's kinda close to my heart. Probably not the best thing for objectivity, but sometimes can help with emotions. Makes me very happy to see others reacting to her the same way.

I love a good angsty, dark story. But I have to mix humor into it. That's just the way I write. Some people get really put off by that, so I'm excited you like it. And yeah, gotta love the rubber chicken spell. LOL.

Thank you so much for your amazing reviews. I'm feeling much better about this story after the kind reviews I've had in the last few days. Of course, the next chapter is a whammy, and we'll see how people still feel about her after that.

And, why on earth would I MIND if you came back to read the rest? Girl, I'm turning cartwheels at the thought! Thanks!


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Review #39, by silverashesNot Normal: {Chapter the Third}

20th August 2013:
Hi, Hi!!

*dies of male related happiness* I LOVE Chris, Scorpius, and Al. Ohmigosh. I nearly died at them all being shirtless at the kitchen table. Who ever said someone can't fall in love with story characters? I'm guilty of falling in love with all three...oops!

I just can't stop gushing about your writing style! I wish I had it! I really do. You just have this thing where your writing is amusing. I'm not even sure if your trying to be funny, but it makes me giggle and smile while I read. Like the whole section about Chris being mitochondria and Ellie being a parasite. That was hilarious, but in a dry way. I hope I'm making sense! I love, love, love that about your writing!

BEN. That's all I have to say, right? I hope you can feel my excitement radiating from that single word. I've found a new favorite. I really like Amy too, but I think I'm latching on to Ben. He's got a dry sense of humor like Ellie. Bouncing from Ben to the Sorting Hat...MORE FORESHADOWING! You're really good at this whole foreshadowing shin-dig. The Sorting Hat is only further adding to all the weird comments Ellie has received (i.e. Regulus and the gypsie/seer woman)

Overall, another phenomenal chapter. I think I'll be adding this story to my favorites because you've gotten me hooked! I hope you don't mind me tagging along for the rest of the story! *insert many wonderful adjectives here*

xx Rachel

P.S. I have a favorite quote:

1. Scorpius shrugged at my earlier remark. “Why should it be? You’re practically one of the guys.”

2.“Yes, that’s what worries me.”
Okay, I guess that was two quotes, but they were hilarious and had tears streaming down my face!

Author's Response: Who doesn't love a little bit of that, am I right?

Ah, that means so much to me! Sometimes I try and be funny, and sometimes it just happens, so I'm really happy to hear that it works either way.

I know - BEN. Need one say more? There really isn't much of him in this chapter, but he'll be back, as well as Amy. And all the foreshadowing!

Thanks so much for this lovely review! It really made my day!


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Review #40, by silverashesThe Ties that Bind: Prologue

20th August 2013:
Hello there!

I have to start by saying that you have such a beautiful writing style! Everything just flows so gracefully. I really loved the section about the past. I found that very moving to read!

I can't say that I've ever read a story where Harry has died, and it makes my heart ache. Seeing how upset and depressed his friends are make me want to cry. You really did an amazing job pulling emotion out of the reader. I really felt all of their emotions, like I was there at Hogwarts with them.

To address your concern about it making sense, I think it absolutely does. I completely followed the story line from the very beginning! You gave just enough details for the reader to become interested and to understand what was going on. Instead of throwing all the information into a couple sentences you wove it through the entire chapter. I really liked that! It hooked my attention and made the chapter very interesting to read!

I think you have a good start to a really interesting story line! Wonderful job!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

I am glad that the emotions came out like I wanted them; the rest of the story restores hope. Or at least I hope so, haha. I appreciated your words, and I'm going to take a look at future chapters and see if I can recapture that style after all this time.


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Review #41, by silverashesInspire Me: Tea or Coffee

20th August 2013:
Yay! Another chapter! I really, really adore this story! Louis was being such a sweetheart. He made my heart melt into a puddle of love in my chest! Dom on the other hand...well it seems like someone twisted her panties the wrong way (every single day). But I'm going to ignore dear Dommy and place my adoration on Louis because he's sweet.

I really like how his and Addie's personalities contrast. They balance each other out, though I do wish Addie would speak more! I think she could be witty if she spoke up more! But I guess her personality is more soft spoken, so it might be a little out of character!

Anywho! I love, love, love this story! Please update soon!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hi again Rachel! Yes, Fleur definitely taught her son the right way to behave :D but you're right - Dominique could do with a few more lessons on basic etiquette...

I wish Addie would speak out more too! In fact, I think even Addie wishes Addie would speak more. :P

Thank you so much for being such a lovely reader! The next chapter should be up very soon :)


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Review #42, by silverashesNot Normal: {Chapter the Second}

20th August 2013:
Hello, lovely!

I'm happy to be back because your story keeps me entertained like no other. Ellie is hilarious. The entire first part on Regulus Black had me in tears. Your characterization of Ellie continually gets better and better! I adore reading about her! I forgot to tell you after the last chapter that I love Rose as well! Her character is developing into someone very lovable and humorous.

I think your plot is developing beautifully! I like how Regulus kind of foreshadowed some interesting events coming Ellie's way. Especially the fact that she has to tell Chris about her ability to speak to the dead. Meep! That might lead to some awkwardness and anger (hopefully not!). You throw little pieces of information into the story without it being overwhelming, like it's supposed to be just another detail. It makes reading the story so much more interesting. The reader has to read in between the lines a little to figure out what might happen in the future. I think that's really clever and interesting!

Overall, I think you have another WONDERFUL chapter! You're obviously an amazing writer, and your talent is coming out through your story! Lovely, lovely, lovely!

xx Rachel

P.S. I have a favorite quote from this chapter...well actually two!
1. "But not before she hit me right in the feels."
2. "Well played Mrs. P, well played."
Absolutely hilarious. This chapter had me in tears!

Author's Response: *blushes and dies*

I'm glad you find Ellie entertaining. I tried to write her that way, because for me, a good main character keeps me interested.

Yes - I hope there will be a lot more plot very soon. I've never written something that I've actually planned out in its entirety, so this whole foreshadowing thing is very new to me. Glad to hear that it's working!

Thank you so much, once again! You are far too kind, Rachel!


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Review #43, by silverashesGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Prologue

20th August 2013:
Hello, hello!

I have one word: ohmigod. This is an amazing beginning to a story. Honestly. From what I've read so far this is going to be awesome! Your descriptions are beautiful. You paint the scenery with words in a way that allows the reader to see what you're trying to portray! I felt like I too was sitting against the deli in the pouring rain. You just bring the world to life!

As for your OC I think your doing a good job characterizing her. Though we haven't seen much of her so far, I think you have a good start. I think the mystery that lingers around her character is very interesting. We have this girl, presumably young, by herself in the monstrous New York City. You've given the readers something to ponder as they read the story! I know for me my mind is buzzing with all kinds of back stories that might possibly (and impossibly) be true! The girl evokes emotion from the reader, which is phenomenal! It takes a brilliant writer to shape their characters in a way that evoke emotion!

I would definitely keep reading. To be honest...I might keep reading ( in between my loads of school work...procrastination at its finest). You grab the readers attention at the very beginning when you start to describe this girl, and my attention has been captured and held all the way to the end. Now I want to find out more. I think you've done a lovely, lovely, lovely job! I'm excited to see where you take this brilliant plot line!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Okay, so I'm seriously blushing here. This was such an amazing review. I think my head might be too big to fit through my doorway now. I am so excited that you liked the prologue! It was a very moody thing to write and I was worried people wouldn't get it. Now I'm grinning like a fool.

I realized after I requested a lot of these reviews that asking for comments on my OC's character was a little silly after only one chapter. I really didn't give you much to go on, did I. BUT, it does make me very, very happy that the comments you're writing tell me she's coming across exactly as I wanted her to. I wanted readers to get that feeling of a young, small, alone girl swallowed up in this huge city. So, thank you for that comment!

I took you at your word and re-requested. I hope you didn't hate me for doing it before I had a chance to reply your review. I just was too excited after this amazing review here. I really hope you continue to like the story, and come back to find out more.

Thanks so much!


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Review #44, by silverashesNot Normal: {Chapter the First}

19th August 2013:
Hello, hello!

I must say Ellie is absolutely darling. Especially her younger self. You characterized her extremely well. She made my heart swell with her preciousness. I adore the now seventeen year old Ellie just as much. As far as characterization goes, you've nailed it. You've given the reader the perfect amount of information about Ellie and her family without making it overwhelming. She has a wonderful sense of humor.

You have amazing writing form. It flows so smoothly and it's fun to read. The banter between characters and the overall dialogue is perfect. Your concern on the background story and details is unneeded. In all honesty I think it's pretty close to perfect. Her background story was explained thoroughly without being too 'in-your-face'. I didn't feel like you were throwing anything at me. All the information was easily woven into the rest of the story.

Your details are just the same! You have a beautiful writing style that allows readers to clearly picture what you're trying to paint for them. It's almost like watching a movie; we can see exactly what you want us to. Through the details and characterization I feel like I know the characters personally, like I've met them. I think you have a wonderful start to the story (the plot line is extremely intriguing!) Absolutely lovely, lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Oh, my goodness! That was quick!

*blushes* Thank you so much! I really struggle with description so this means so much to me. I'm an avid movie-goer, so if tis plays like a film - OMG! You're so wonderful!

PS: How early is too early to request another review? ;)


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Review #45, by silverashesThe Worst: Meetings and more.

19th August 2013:
Ah, dear Dommy holds the same tender thoughts about the cold, conniving, asshat as I do. Wilson Young...I have mixed feelings. One: He was horrible to do such a cruel job, even if it got him the gold he wanted. Secondly: I'm glad he agreed to help Dom and Teddy. One new character that I like is definitely Julia. I like Julia! She's a sweetie pie. Oh no! I just noticed that this is a short story! So we must be nearing the end! How many chapters are left? I really love this story! Sorry for the rather short last review! I have to now go attend to the many things I have been procrastinating (i.e. my French work *groans*). But I will be back as soon as you have another chapter, lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for reading and reviewing Rachel.
Haha I am glad you and Dom are on the same page.
Wilson Young is a complex character, I haven't decided myself whether I like him or not xP
I am pleased you liked Julia, she's one of my favourite characters =)
Aw I am sorry that you just noticed it's a short story. About 3 chapters are left now, or 4 at the most. I haven't mapped it all out yet (yeah I am not very organised).
I am so happy you liked my story and I do hope you come back as your reviews made me so pleased, thanks!


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Review #46, by silverashesThe Worst: Decisions and Discoveries

19th August 2013:
I KNEW IT. I would just like you to know that as soon as Dom came to the conclusion that she was set up I connected the dots. I suspected bloody Delilah Jones right away. What a bitch. I bet you she just wanted to have a phenomenal article on werewolves, so she set this up because she's a self-riteous *insert insulting adjective here*. I was nearly spitting fire at the end of this chapter. Dom better get her revenge.

Ah, back to the beginning of the chapter (excuse my rant about You-Know-Who). I'm sad that Dom had to get the procedure. I was silently hoping that she would be able to have children in some miraculous instance, but I guess not everything is rainbows and butterflies in life, huh.

So while my fiery hatred for Delilah Jones burns hellishly in my soul, I'm onto chapter six!

xx Rachel

P.S. I hope these reviews are continuing to help you! They've gotten a little less structured as I continue reading, so let me know if you want me to change that. At this point I'm just letting your story evoke emotions, and then those emotions make it onto the page!

Author's Response: Hello again! Loving your reviews =)

Haha I am glad you were able to connect the dots. Delilah Jones definitely has her reasons for doing this to Dom and they'll be revealed soon. Of course, nothing can justify her actions, but still. She is indeed a horrific woman. As for what Dom does, you'll have to wait and watch xP

Yeah, it would be too unrealistic if everything was rainbows and butterflies and she got to have children miraculously. Part of what this story is about is Dom dealing with all the "worsts" of becoming a werewolf, so yeah.

Hahaha you're absolutely hilarious. Thank you so much for your lovely reviews. I don't mind the unstructured-ness, in fact I am loving these emotion packed reviews, they make me really happy. Thank you!


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Review #47, by silverashesThe Worst: More Bad News

19th August 2013:
My first thoughts: Uh oh...more bad news for the already broken Dom. Well actually those thoughts came after my swirl of fan-girl-nonsensical-thoughts. Those went more like ohmigoddomandteddy! Add that to millions of other fluffy/happy thoughts. I lurve Dom and Teddy.

So after my fan-girl experience I went into slight depression alongside Dom. Poor girl doesn't need any more bad news. The news itself had my heart sink to the hellish bottoms of my chest (where all the sadness lies). Oh poor, poor Dom. You'll fix her right? Heh...pretty please?

Again I have to compliment you on your characterization of Dom. She just seems so realistic to me! I love seeing how you keep further developing all of your characters. It's very interesting!

xx Rachel

P.S. I forgot to mention in my last review that I love the way Dom and Teddy became girlfriend and boyfriend. Love, love, love them.

Author's Response: Aww, indeed I am cruel to poor Dom. She has to endure so much. Haha I am loving your fangirly nonsensical thoughts xD I am glad you like Teddy/Dom!

Aww I am sorry to hear you went through a slight depression with Dom and it made your heart sink, but yeah I'll try to fix her... maybe ;)

I am so happy to hear you like my Dom's characterisation and you find it realistic. I am trying my best to develop the characters and the plot. And it's great to know you liked how Teddy/Dom got together.

Thank you so much!


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Review #48, by silverashesMakes Me wonder: The Only Chapter

19th August 2013:
Hi, hi!

Firstly, I ADORE Rose and Scorpius. I adore them with all my heart plus more! I also love fluff. So this is the perfect combination of fluff and Rose/Scorpius! I really liked the way you chose to write from Scorpius's point of view! Usually people choose to write from the feminine view point, but I love reading it the other way around! It's so unique!

I think you did a really good job characterizing the two. You might need a little background on why they're so comfortable with each other. It's a little confusing at first because I wasn't entirely sure that they had known each other before they met at the convenience store (which by the way was a hilarious scene).

I think your humor came across well! I thought it was an amusing story. The characters were portrayed very well! Absolutely lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Rachel :) You sweet person.
Your review is like a box of melty chocolate. I love it :)

I LOVE Scorpius/Rose too! I'm glad you like them, and fluff! The perfect combination sometimes. I love thinking through his head. It was so much fun to write in that way :)

Haha :) I'm delighted at the feedback for that scene. I'm glad you found it funny :D I shall look into it, and I promise that when I edit this, I will take that into consideration.

ThankYou :) It's really sweet of you, and I will be requesting again :P


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Review #49, by silverashesThe Worst: The Worst Had Happened

19th August 2013:
Hello again!

Another beautiful chapter! I might just plow my way through the whole story today. I'm supposed to be finishing up the mountain of school work that I have, but, alas, more important things call (i.e. this story)

Again I think Dom was written wonderfully. She reacted in a way that anyone would. You didn't sugar coat it and make her handle it with just a few tears. She lashed out at her family (which was sad and heartbreaking, but it was so realistic).

I love the way her family and Teddy are continuing to treat her like she's exactly the same. Maybe that will change as time goes on, but I really hope it doesn't! They love her for who she is, regardless of her becoming a werewolf. I think they reacted just how any victim would hope!

Lovely, lovely, lovely!

xx Rachel

Author's Response: Hey Rachel.

Thanks a ton once again for reviewing!

I am pleased you liked this chapter too. I'd love it if you could read all the chapters up so far and give your opinion. School work is always a pain anyway, haha.

I am glad you liked the way I wrote Dom and her reactions. I put myself in her shoes and knew I'd definitely lash out if I were in her place so I did that, good to know you found it realistic

I feel that family and love is all about treating someone just the same unconditionally, and that's what I've shown here. I am pleased you liked that.

Thank you once again!


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Review #50, by silverashesOnce upon a time: Fairytails and all that crap

19th August 2013:
Hello, hello!

I want to start off by saying that I think you have a awesome plot beginning to develop. It was super easy to follow; no confusion! You've started to develop Cinderella, but you didn't lay it on thick! Instead of tossing anything and everything about her into the first chapter, you started slowly and put in only what was necessary! I think that's one of the best ways to develop a character.

On a format note there a few problems. Some of the spacing in between words or commas is a little wonky. There are also a few pieces of dialogue that have no quotations around them, making it difficult for the reader to follow what's going on. Here's one example, but there are several throughout the chapter.

-"Why not Ella?" I’m your cousin, your best friend for crying out loud .Is it too hard for you to suck in your pride just once and accept me help.

It's a little hard to understand what's going on there because Dom keeps talking even after the quotes end, so the reader is left wondering whether Dom is talking or Ella is thinking.

There is a lot of spacing and quotations that need to be fixed, but that's basically just touch ups. I know that's not really part of the plot-line, but appearance is a huge part of reading (especially online!). The actual plot line is fine! I like where you're taking this, and I think it has a lot of potential! Awesome job!

xx Rachel

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