Reading Reviews From Member: Caeai
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CaeaiFinding Four-Helga and Helen: Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Mushroom, Mushroom...

20th September 2013:
In the paragraph that's describing the bloody book, it is 'affecting,' not 'effecting.' Again, description seems to be what you have trouble with. Without describing anything that you will tend to use over and often, you will end up using the same words. If you haven't really described what, for example, what Raakel looks like, you can only use the words 'Ravenclaw', 'Raakel', or 'her.' Reading doesn't flow as easily when the author only uses the same few words.
This is rather nitpicky of me, but you put quotes around book titles.

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Review #2, by Caeai30 Days of You and Me: Grounded

2nd September 2013:
I have been reading this for months but have just now taken the initiative to write a review.
Your characters are so freaking adorable it isn't even funny. I do think that Scorpius is a little too sensitive to Rose's insecurities, especially the one's she isn't really able to describe with any real accuracy. And, with the entire mess that is his mother's sickness, I'm not sure that Scorpius would be so patient with Rose and her random as crap anxieties. And would his mother really let him go to Rose's house if he was hurt and bargained his own wellbeing for hers? And I know he couldn't sneak out, I really don't think the Malfoys wouldn't watch their only child if he had been lost injured in the woods, even if he wanted to go see the girl that saved him.
I think that you have got Ron down to a tee, though. Some fanfics try to make him too angry at anyone bearing the Malfoy name, when it would normally only be awkward. Hugo is a fair representation of a normal 14-ish boy. I'm not so sold on your Hermione, but that's just me. I'm a Hermione freak.
My favorite pairing in the NextGen is, by a long shot, ScoRose. And you have my favorite fanfic of them so far. I'm onto the technical now! Yay! I get to indulge myself in my Grammar Nazi ways!
I think that you could use italics in key places to make emphasis. No huge grammar mistakes just jumped off the page at me, but you missed a 'the' in the last line. I feel like, where you say, 'He knocked again,' you could add a part about how like Ron that was, in Rose's lilt, of course.
All but the missing 'the' is only suggestions, but thanks for writing this!

Btw, the 9/10 is because I know that the grammar mistakes are more than I caught, and that can't be perfect. I love your writing, though.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time out to review my story! I always appreciate it when a reader lets me know how they felt.

Ron is my favorite HP character, so I do love to write him. I don't blame you for not being sold on my Hermione - it is, after all, my version of Hermione after 20ish years with my version of Ron.

I'm surprised you didn't find far more mistakes than that. I don't actually edit the stories in an attempt to write them quickly and get them to readers quickly - all of my stories are probably littered with tiny typos. Same with the italics - they don't transfer over with Word, so I'd have to go through it on the actual HPFF page and I'd rather use that time for writing and review-responding.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review!


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